Monday, February 29, 2016

Take on Super Tuesday

For months w heard it could all come down to tomorrow but as of today there is no reason to turn on CNN tomorrow.

Your candidates for the 2016 leader of the free world will either be Donald "The Duck" Trump or Hillary "the Shrill" Clinton and honestly we are all fucked. Clinton is well qualified but about as trustworthy as a real-estate mogul. Trump is about as qualified as a serpent.

So get out the vote tomorrow...or get me a Canadian passport

Sunday, February 28, 2016

Take on the car seat

Nothing is scarier than getting into the backseat of a minivan to see the vile conditions they have left us with. Juice boxes, yogurts, half eaten vita-gummies, toys, books, peanuts, popcorn and god knows what else lives back there which is a reason I refuse to go back there unless absolutely necessary. Well today I went one better, I actually went back there and took a couple of the car seats out to find they were all sitting upon a good three inches of grime. Then not feeling like that was enough, I took apart one of the car seats and I think I may have found the Loch Ness monster living in it. The old car seats were pretty simple but now they got padding and cushion and cushion on padding and layers and although I guess it keeps a kid safe, it always creates a billion little spots for crackers and cheese sticks and squeeze packs to hide out, just taking this thing apart today was eye opening. I spent one hour trying to clean it, removing all the cushion stuff and hosing the thing down with a power washer and then disinfecting it with three bottles of bleach.

Next time I will just buy a new minivan

Saturday, February 27, 2016

Take on Hillary

We've avoided the democratic primary mostly because the combined age of these two is 200 and nobody expects that either makes it it of a first term let alone the election. We get that Trump is equally old but he all that fake sun helps.

Anyway, IT...IS....OVER

Soviet Sanders and his entire communistic regime has been beaten by Hillary and the great liberal machine and we're all worse off for it. Give me a chance to escape my reality because I am ready to salute dictator Trump

Friday, February 26, 2016

Take on the GOP debate

Last night we had the last debate before the SEC primary and it lived up to all the hype.  Say why you will, but Trump just makes these things a must-watch and the more Trump the better.   

Couple of takeaways

- it is striking how often Cruz and Rubio refer to  Trump my his first name, I am convinced this is this is by design to remind voters that he is a complete cartoon character.  

- weird that Trump only refers to Kasich as "the governor".  I think he forgot his name which isn't surprising

- also why does Trump always refer to Carson as Ben Carson and not Ben or Carson or something? Is he afraid that we'd think he is talking about Johnny Carson??

- Wolf Blitzen looks like a troll.  Not an Internet troll but literally a little weird thing that lives in a tree and make magic potions

- Love that Trump who lives in a tanning booth incubator told Rubio that he was wearing too much makeup before the debate

- we missed you Jeb!  sort of..

- somebody please mention Ben Carson's name at some point because the poor guy is dying up there.  But he spends more time bitching about what he didn't get to say than actually saying what he wants to say.  

Unlike Carson, the other six seed (Kasich) seems to get extra time when he does get to speak.  That bell never seems to ring which I attribute to how when you are bored the clock feels like it is standing still 

-I keep hearing how Carson in brilliant but the more I see of him at these debates the more I think that if I needed a brain transplant, I may prefer Trump to do the surgery.    With that said I'd pay money to have him read "Goodnight Moon"

- Kasich, I think it is time that somebody takes you out back and tells him that just because he wants to come across as the every-man, doesn't mean he has to look like a schlep.  He wears a suit which looks like he shoved in his overhead bag and he looks like gets his haircuts at Supercuts and when he spends all his energy not doing his karate chop hands thing he loses focus and goes into his boring stump speech

- Trump, at the end of the day, you want your candidate vetted and Trump is like ISIS right now, taking on all comers at once.  You cannot imagine how a guy with as little knowledge as he has, continues to dominate.  Yeah Marco had a couple of cute remarks but so did Trump and when he said that Marco was so nervous after his exchange with Christie last debate that he was sweating as if he had just gotten out of a pool does tell you that Marco is not quite as ready as you'd hope. 

- Cruz.  When 40% of voters in a major swing  State thing you might be the Zodiac Killer that is a problem.   He is near brilliant but so were most maniacs who have stared major world wars, and Cruz might be worse.  Worse than anything was the fact he kept coughing directly into the mic, dude cover your mouth what the hell are you some unsophisticated two pack-a-day ape??

And last must not least, the line of the night from the interweb' Thunderlips I liked how Rubio would zing Trump and then look at the crowd and smile like Stanley Roper used to on Three's Company when he zinged his wife.  

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Take on HW

We're seconds from the first questions of the Texas GOP debate and one thing has been striking and it isn't Ted Cruz with his hand inside his jacket clutching his AK but rather the fact that apparently nobody told George HW Bush that Jeb! dropped out. He is sitting there like he is Stephen Hawking, one instead comes up with quantum physics theories, he makes terrible kids. There has never been a guy who has done more as a president and less as a mare, W was a drunk, Jeb! a wimp and the other one might be worse

We need to move on from the Bushes and Clintons, at this point I am even hoping Malia Obama moves into a bunker

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Take on The Poorly Educated

Trump has shoved his foot in his mouth so many times he should be able to kick his own ass which otherwise would derail a campaign but not his. The truth is that nobody seems to give a crap that his foot is in his mouth and there is definitely nobody kicking his ass. But for all the cringeworthy moments of this campaign, yesterday's night victory rally was a nice mix of brutal truth when Trump proudly announced how well he had done with poorly educated and very quickly he exposed the fault lines in the campaign. If you have half a brain and know what the repercussions of a Trump presidency will be you will see Trump as an absolute disaster but if you watch the Kardashians you probably don't quite get it and somehow you have been programmed to think that Kris Jenner and Teresa Giudice might make good senators.

But with that said I'd still take Trump over Cruz, at least his sleaziness is overt

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Take on Kurt Rambis

He is no Little Wheats to start off with but to come out and claim you were hacked for liking some Twitter photo of an Asian chick playing with her spicy salmon roll is just lame. I hate when celebrities (and crappy basketball coaches apparently) claim they were hacked whenever they do something stupid in a social media circle. I am pretty sure how this Kurt Rambis thing went down. He went onto Twitter and searched for Asian Milf and he got onto a stream of photos and after he was done...shooting hoops, he probably accidentally swiped his hand against the little heart thing. He didn't mean to "like" the photo but he was likely to prevent his Gatorade from hitting the screen and in a lame attempt, he proved that not only is he a crappy coach, he has beats his winkie in the bathroom of the Knicks practice facility.

Put in Jimmer

Monday, February 22, 2016

Take on Hitler's micropenis

I've always assumed that the more of a dick a guy is, the smaller his probably is, so it is of no surprise that we read today that The Fuhrer was hung like a peanut as he was obviously making up for inadequacies. For years it was rumored that Hitler was gay and that Eva Braun was just his beard but now we found out that really she might have just been a completely unsatisfied wench and that puts a nice smile on my face. But there is nothing more gratifying than knowing that evil personified probably couldn't see his own dingy and had to pee out of a hole at the base of his dick and not the tip.

Sunday, February 21, 2016

Take on the wonder of Coffee

There are days when people ask me if I ever have a desire to give up coffee, and I can honestly say I do not. It's not just that I need coffee, which I do, but I genuinely love coffee. I love the flavor, I love the act of drinking coffee, I love the fact that it can give me a jolt when I need one and now I have more reason to love it. Today a report came out stating that the vast amount of damage I probably did to my liver in my teens, twenties and thirties might actually have been offset by the vast amount of coffee I consumed at the same time and continue to today. It was not uncommon for me to put down 15 Miller Lites on a Friday night when I was 28 but I can sleep well at night that I was probably having six to eight cups of coffee at the same time. Today I drink maybe 3 beers per month but continue to aggressively rehab my liver with 6-8 cups per day of java.
Can't wait until 6 am tomorrow morning when I can continue building my liver back up.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Take on the Trump victory

It took till about 7:30 but finally all the major news organizations called the South Carolina primary for one Donald J Trump. I can't say I'm shocked because every poll has called this for weeks but still I'm surprised that there are states in this country where 30% plus of republicans would vote for this maniac. Then again, the thought of a Cruz victory is even scarier, so I guess we should be happy but that is like rooting for Assad over ISIS.
Rubio in a solid third should boot out Jeb! which will be a bit sad because he did offer some entertainment even if he didn't actually bring the entertainment himself and was just a punching bag for Trump

So now we wonder, the Trump supporters will probably rally around Rubio which after getting atomic wedgied by Trump for six months has to be the ultimate indignity.

Friday, February 19, 2016

Take on Blue Apron

When I was told about Blue Apron I was more Han just a bit intrigued. You get fresh food, perfectly rationed delivered to your house and all you have to do is throw them together and 15 minutes later you are munching on a honey glazed cod with spring vegetables and roaster carrots. This sounded like the perfect option for a busy family who was ready to have inspired meals again.
The problem is that there is absolutely no way you can actually get this done in a anywhere near the time they claim. I made a meal lasts eel end which called for 15 minutes of prep and 20 minutes of cooking time and guaranteed a three course meal of rice pilaf, sauté baby spinach and Za'atar chicken skewers with a mint yogurt saucy. After two hours I had a bowl of yogurt, an overlooked chicken skewer and mash of rice and veggies and my hand reeked of garlic

Thanks Blue Apron for ruining my life

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Take on the new look Jeb!

First it was the shunning of the Bush name, then it was adding the exclamation mark and now he has gone for a complete makeover with possibly only a few days left of his miserably run campaign.
This week Jeb! decided that he was no longer going to be four eyed geek for Donald to beat up on and for the last few days he has gone out on the town sans glasses becoming a two eyed geek for Trump to trump.
The problem is that he is a nerd regardless of the glasses and nobody is going to buy that Jeb! is all of a sudden the captain of the football team. He is such an insecure tool that he believes taking off his glasses will make him cooler when it probably only means he can't see the alarm clock.

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

Take on Scalia's conspiracy theory

The Internet has been buzzing with conspiracy theories about the cause of death of Antonin Scalia at a West Texas ranch over the weekend. How could a man just pas away in his sleep they ask, to which we answer, he was a 300 pound man in his late 70's who was not exactly the model of health. First of all, his job entailed him sitting on his ass for the entire day, I have never seen Supreme Court highlights with these guys doing anything but sitting, and in Ruth Bader Ginsberg...napping. Secondly the guy was not exactly the model of health, he must have put on 150 pounds since Reagan had him nominated for the high court.

We are not shocked that there was no autopsy done and that details of his death have been kept hush-hush because the chances of that hotel room having been littered with ciallis, blow and a couple of dead hookers and possibly a cabin boy is fairly high. Either that or the Dems offed by suffocating the fat man with a pillow.

Or maybe he just died in his sleep, succumbing to a life of meatball parm heros and Bloomberg sized cokes.

Who knows

Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Take on the WWF GOP field

This past weekend with the GOP debate airing on network television returned me back 20 years when five or six times per year Vince McMahon would put on Saturday Night Main Event.   The battles on Saturday night were epic, Trump vs Cruz, Cruz vs Rubio, Jeb! vs Trump and it was a complete bloodbath which can only be compared to the golden age of wrestling...

So with that in mind we out our favorite candidates into the WWF


Ronald Reagan- The Hulkster

Every kid in the 80's knew that there were two people looking out for them, who spoke about and for American virtue..Ronald Reagan and Hulk Hogan.. Both spoke about prayers yet neither ever made it into a church, both draped themselves in the flag to get their audience to believe and both were actors who proved to be phonies who played to their audience.    


Ted Cruz- Bret Hart

Excellence in Execution has no better comparison in the senate than what Ted Cruz is doing today and we'll see him pull every string to make sure that Obama can't get anything done..  He was immensely popular amongst a certain fringe who believe that he is the best there is, the best there was and there best there ever will be when it comes to fighting for the constitution..

Oh yeah, that and he is a Canadian..


Trump- Ted DiBiase
Is convinced he can buy the WWF belt and even if he can't, he will buy his own better one. He is more interested in doing it his way than ever thinking he needs to work it through lime everybody else does because he is just that brash and that rich...which makes


Ben Carson –Virgil

Carson is worth so much more and early on he could have been Rick Steamboat or something but lately he is just sucking up to Donald that this is really all that is left of him

Rick Perry- Hacksaw Jim Dugan

Kind of like the Hulkster expect dumb as a 2x4, draped in the American Flag although you're not sure he isn't wiping his ass with it when he's not in public view..

Chris Christie -George the Animal Steele

People will tell you that George Steele was a Harvard professor but all you knew about him was he was a walking talking Cookie Monster

Mike Huckabee – The Honky Tonk Man

The Honky Tonk Man never had realistic aspirations past the intercontinental title, like Mikey Huck never had any real hope for president but embraced the roll like nobody else ever could..


George W. Bush- Macho Man

The Son of a Wrestler who everybody hoped for greatness.   Nobody expected Macho Man to win the title in Wrestemania IV but the most unlikely combination happened and he won what was supposed to be the next great champion.  Problem is that he listed to too many people who never had himself, or the WWE's interest at heart and everybody suffered because of it.  When he spoke, you kind of cringed and you never felt his relationship with Miss Elizabeth-Condi, was all that clean.. That plus there are a million not so quite whispers that the Macho Man was high-as-a-kite for his entire reign. Which makes


Jeb! – Leaping Lanny Poffo

The much less energetic, much less fun brother of Macho Man.. later became known as the Genius! which is about as laughable as calling Jeb! one.


George H Bush- Angelo Poffo

A noted wrestler in the the 60's and 70's who spawned a couple of wrestlers and carried his carpet-bagger title proudly..


Obama- The Iron Sheik..

no comment needed


Bernie Sanders- Nikolai Volkoff

No comment necessary


Hillary Clinton- Linda McMahon

Wife of the guy in charge but we all know who wears the pants, because the guy on top really can't keep his pants on..


Rand- Kurt Angle

There has never been a better technical wrestler than Kurt Angle, even if he did it with almost no flare or excitement..  The guy was boring as a personality because he took himself way too seriously and refused to come down to anything entertaining.. Smug as all hell but nobody would ever accuse him of selling out.


Rubio- Ricky Steamboat

One of the more talented guy on the roster but always doomed to be the second fiddle because he just had no real personality.. Maybe America just wasn't quite ready for him or maybe the idiots that pay $45 to sit in the nosebleeds don't know any better anyway..


Peyton Manning- Jake the Snake

Loves throwing his snake on some unsuspecting person's face


Lindsay Graham- Greg the Hammer Valentine.

Like The Hammer, there are tons of rumors out there implying that Greg likes to get his hammer polished in the sauna at the New York's Sports Club


Howard Finkel- Bill O'Reily


Jim Powers and Paul Roma..   Pataki and Jindal.. just a couple of goobers needed to keep the undercard going

special thank you to local WWF historian Zed Frank for the help with this post

Monday, February 15, 2016

Take on the new GPS technology

There is new technology available for GPS which supposedly makes it accurate within an inch which sounds like overkill when you are driving from Boston to Buffalo. I mean how many times do you need to know, to an inch of accuracy, which part of the MassPike you are on??!

But then I came up with something where this might have some real value, trying to find a lost phone or set of keys. If I could use a GPS locator to tell me that my phone is not just in my house but in the third drawer next to my hello kitty socks, that would be a service that I could see being incredibly helpful. Time to put a GPS tracker on everything I own...including my kids

Sunday, February 14, 2016

Take on the wind chill

I never quite understand why weather is reported the way it is. "The high will be 22 but it will feel like 11 with the windchill". If it will feel like 11 degrees, that is all that I care about, the rest is just theoretical crap.

Well today was one of those days, I left the house at 3 degrees but Mr. G warned me that it would feel like -10 and he was completely right because in the 3 minutes I spent outside, I felt my eyelids freeze shut. We have really only had a single bad day this entire winter but honestly it is time for summer

Saturday, February 13, 2016

Take on Scalia

At 5pm my Twitter feed blew up with news that Antonin Scalia had kicked the bucket. This is big news at any point but with the election breathing down our necks, it took special importance. We will now debate whether or not Obama has the right to appoint the next one and truthfully he might get a chance at a other one as Ginsberg looks like she is about to kick the bucket and Breyer and Kennedy may both croak getting out of bed tomorrow.

Anyway, what was most surprising to me actually was that it took until about 5pm today to have this news become knows since they found his body this morning after he did not show up for breakfast at some fancy vacation ranch. We know that Antonin was not one to miss breakfast, so people must have been concerned within minutes of the first stack of silver dollar pancakes came out steaming hot.

What I noted was that The San Antonio Express had this story at about 11am today (as per Google news) but no other major outlet had it for six hours later. How in today's ultra connected world does it take six hours for something as big as this to stay buried. The only thing I have to imagine is that they wanted to give the family some respect in this time for mourning...... that and they needed time to bury the dead hookers and clean up all the viagra and blow

Friday, February 12, 2016

Take on the NY Waterway scam

I take the NY Waterway ferry a few times per month when I need to head to where my parents live. The ferry terminal is all the way on the west side highway, so getting there from midtown is a total hike and I'm always huffing and puffing by the time I get there. The issue is that you have to have a ticket before boarding at one of those ATM machines which always take forever.

A few weeks ago trying to be prepared for the next time I bought two tickets when I got there, one to use that night and a second to have in my pocket in case I was running late a few weeks later but little did I know that these things expire. I took this ferry regularly years ago but I am certain this expiration thing is new

Today, getting onto the ferry, I had my ticket rejected I have no idea why they would expire and of course nobody at NY waterways could give you any explanation either.

Righetti Why would this expire, I paid $10.25 for this ticket just a few weeks ago?

NY waterways employee. Why not?

Righetti. Because it doesn't make any sense. My bus tickets don't expire.

NY waterways employee. Well milk does

Righetti. That makes no sense, milk spoils. this ticket is exactly the same as if I bought it. The price is the same, I didn't get a discount

NY waterways. It says so on the ticket

Righetti. But how would I have know that before I bought the ticket. There is no sign

NY waterways. Well that is the rule

Righetti. So how do you justify this?

NY Waterways. Yes I understand

Righetti. You understand what? Why am I being screwed out of a perfectly good ticket?

NY waterways. Well eggs expire

Righetti. I don't think you understand.

NY waterways. Yogurt expires

Righetti. But this isn't a dairy product. It is a ticket for a ferry

NY waterways. Of course

Righetti. So why does it?

NY waterways. How about your metro card, it has an expiration date

Righetti. Yes, but you don't lose the funds, if you have $5 on the expired card it gets transferred to your new one

NY waterways. Yes exactly

Righetti. I don't think you understand

NY waterways. Yes

Righetti. I am going to miss my ferry, how can you resolve this

NY waterways. I can tell you that it is expired

Righetti Can I exchange it?

NY waterways. No

Righetti. Why not?

NY waterways. Because it is expired it says so on the ticket

Righetti. Yes I realize that but how would I have know that before i bought it

NY waterways because it says so on the ticket

Righetti. Ugh

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Take on the American Disabilities Act

My mother always told me not to laugh at kids with disabilities whether they were in wheelchairs, had vision problems or were Mets fans and I have fought my entire life for their rights. Ok, to be honest I have not fought for their rights but I do believe they should be afforded every opportunity, treated fairly and some accommodations given to knock down some barricades. The problem is that so often the American Disabilities Act is misdirected and undo burden is put onto both private and public life

My sister's NYC school had to renovate all their bathrooms to accommodate wheelchairs which is a great thing, except she is in a four story walk up building, including the front steps...can somebody explain this?

So if that is not a prime example of tone-death action to broad legislation, let me give you another one

I am getting more than a little annoyed by all these low urinals I see everywhere. I am a 6'2" which means that every renovated bathroom has a urinal that starts at my knees. So now I am pissing down in a troth which leads to all kinds of additional back splash which means my pants a knee level are covered in piss.

If I had a garden hose like some of my more well endowed buddies (private message me if you want their numbers ladies) then this might not be a major issue but I am a very average white dude in every respect.

The issue is that just this week I was made aware that these vertically challenged toilets are now so low that people are literally pissing on the top of them, right where the fucking handle is. I don't even think this is the kind of thing you have to blame Yao Ming for as they are made for a ridiculous low level. Take some 6'5" dude who is hung like a small child and you can have this issue, although it doesn't excuse the foul behavior

I really hate people.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Take on Jeb!

Jeb Bush spent $36million dollars in New Hampshire and all he got for his troubles was a 4th place and was once again shown up by the Big Bully when Trump trumped his speech by jumping in exactly 39 seconds after Jeb! started which meant that every news channel flipped to Trump's speech leaving poor Jeb! to beg for applause.

But what is more amazing is how inept Jeb! has been at campaigning, the only thin more amazing is how masterful he has been in fundraising.

Jeb spent $1150 per vote he received in the Granite State..that is absolutely nuts, he would have been better off directly giving people money, I bet $500 per vote could have gotten him at least the same results he got.

For a point of reference, Cruz spent only $18 per vote and spent about 5 minutes in New Hampshire, Trump spent $40 per vote which isn't a fair comparison because he gets so much free air-time and publicity but even the other "establishment" candidates spent significantly less than Jeb!!

Here is the rundown
Jeb! $1150 per vote
Christie. $850 per vote
Rubibot. $425 per vote
Kasich. $225 per vote
Fiorina. $100 per vote
Carson. $75 per vote
Trump. $40 per vote
Cruz. $18 per vote
Gilmore. Undefined value, does not compute

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Take on the Koch brothers' Rubibot

We have been saying for months that Rubio is a robot sent from the Koch headquarters to win the election and allow them to control the course of the United States for the next decade.   Rubibot is perfect, he has the pedigree, the good looks, the beautiful family, the hot wife, the immigrant story (but not too immigrant-y), the meteoric rise through Florida politics, the mentor (Jeb!) who he has surpassed but as the election wore on the programmers have had their continued issue coming up with enough.  For all the A.I. they tired to program into the Rubibot, they just can't add enough memory, so every night back at the Koch-cave they have to remove some and add some new ones the problem is that  Rubibot cannot return to the Koch-cave every night as he is campaigning in Iowa or New Hampshire, so there are days he has to run on auto-pilot and with the 24/7 media cycle (and a fat man from NJ) he has been exposed.  

Early on he would answer every question with "my father was a janitor and my mother was a maid". Then he went to "Hillary Rodham Clinton in completely disqualified for being president of the United States of America" and now he does the "let's dispel the myth that Barack Obama does not know what he is doing, he knows exactly what he is doing"

The last line is one they programmed specifically to help Rubibot overcome his one main deficiency, his own lack of experience.   By spewing that Obama, with very little experience, was able to shape policy, it implies that Rubibot another first term senator with very little in terms of pushed legislation, too can shape policy. 

There are only a few people aware of the Rubibot and the Koch laboratories, but TOR has been working hard to expose it for you. 

The only way you would know, other than opening up the latch in his back, are those big ears which are the transistors.  His only downfall is that every once in a while Rubibot becomes over heated and he needs to add water and it becomes like a crisis level ticking time bomb.  When he cannot immediately cool down his processors he falls into a endless computer loop.  

He is a walking Small Wonder

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, February 8, 2016

Take on the free burrito

Sometimes a free burrito is kind of like not getting a free burrito. I got an email today saying that if I waned a free burrito that I had to text RainCheck to some random number. With the e.coli outbreak ravaging the store, they figured that they should give you a stomach ache tomorrow for giving you a stomach ache last month. I sent off the text but then decided that I was about as interested in an E coli Chipotle burrito as I would be in licking the urinal inside the men's room of a Chipotle

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Take on the GOP debate

The last time we checked in the GOP field was about 30% bigger but after Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and Rand Paul all dropped out of a race they never had a chance in, we finally got a bit more clarity.  As we saw from the Dems, less is more in these cases and the quicker you can get down to two, the better. 

Quick review

Ground Control to Major Tom

Somebody forgot to update the software on the Koch Brother Rubio robot because there was a point where you were half expecting his campaign manager to walk up on stage to press alt-ctl-delete because he was stuck in an endless loop
This debate will be about what Marco lost more than what anybody else gained but make no mistakes this was a Poland Spring cringe worthy moment and shows that Rubio has no ability to think on his feet

For the second debate in a row Big Chris showed the world what kind of great debater (and bully) he really is.  He is not presidential but when it comes to a format like this, he shines.  Although the visual of him sitting in his tidy whities chugging Bud Lites and eating an entire large pie while the NJ congress shuts down the government is not a visual I need. 

Please clap

Somebody better tell John that the combination of being smart, experienced and positive is a losing combination.   Maybe you didn't get the message, we want somebody to tell us how crappy the country is, how much brown people will kill the American Dream, how much Jesus of Nazareth would hate Jesus of Tijuana, how Obama sucks and have it all be spewed in 20 second soundbites.    And please get that twitch under control, you look like you are mixing a milkshake up on stage.  

Glad to see you got new clothes, now go home 

It was pretty telling when at the end of the debate all the candidates had their families come up and hug their husbands and fathers and Heidi Cruz decided to stay in be audience. For all the talk about his uncompromising morality, he is a disgusting snake.  The Iowa things with Carson was W in South Carolina bad. 

The reason Trump underperformed in Iowa is because the caucus system forces you to stand up in public and fight for your guy.   Trump appeals to people and they will admit it in anonymous polls but I have to think that when you get in front of your peers people get stage fright because it's like admitting to your neighbors, business associates and fellow PTA members that you're voting for Kim Kardashian

But in New Hampshire we go to a normal anonymous primary and that could work in his favor.  What is scary is that he's actually gotten better at this thing over time and I still think he takes New Hampshire big and then takes that momentum to South Carolina and Nevada   He commands the stage and his rivals are so afraid of him that they won't ever engage him.  Jeb! tried but it was about six months too late which is the story of his life.  Anyway, nobody else will take Trump to task, maybe they all expect him to implode but we all know by now that this just isn't happening and all we can count on now is that primary voters can't be that stupid, can they?

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Period-proof underwear ads

Anybody notice the new period-proof underwear ads on the subways this month? I get that this is probably areal issue but I'm not sure anybody needs to be confronted with this on a Tuesday at 7:30am right after I had an egg and cheese with ketchup.

But that is not the worst of it because as much as I am not ready to be confronted with this at 7:30am myself, I am definitely not ready to explain it to my six year old and we all know they will immediately ask you when they read that sign. It's like all those viagra commercials during every NFL game with a guy throwing the football through the tire swing as the sun sets over his farm. She has asked me to explain that one already and I had to come up with some crap about the guy having hurt his shoulder and now able to throw a spiral again with the help of that pill.
Whatever happened to the kind of wholesome Marlboro and Joe Kook ads of my youth??

Friday, February 5, 2016

Take on the democratic debate

Who knew that taking out that stiff O'Malley would allow Bernie and Hillary to take out their stuff. For two hours we watched Hillary try dirty dancing with an unwilling partner and we saw the passion out of an old man trying to send back a bowl of soup.

Here are some comments

- when it comes to anything genuine, Bernie has her beat badly, it's as if they aren't even playing the same game. Bernie believes everything he says and Hillary believes everything she says will get her elected. The two don't mix

- I love the fact that unlike every other candidate who sloshes down Poland Spring after Poland Spring, Bernie is chugging straight black coffee. It's 10:45 and he's got a pot of that gas station quality mud under his lector.

- Hillary on the other hand practically has Rachel Maddow under her lector the entire night

- for all the fireworks we got early, it seemed the old man got a bit tired and Hillary realized it wasn't playing well, so at some point they seemed to be exchanging spots underneath each other's lectors

- you can see the Melanoma growing on Bernie's head, if that isn't king to get him, the fact that he looks like he is about to go into cardiac arrest right on stage. He also looks like he has to pee the entire time, maybe cut back on that black mud a bit??

- when Bernie smiles I half expect his teeth to fall out

- When Hillary smiles I see that carnival game clown

- when it comes to foreign policy, Bernie is lost. It is not the lack of experience that bothers me, it is that he has absolutely no discernible policy or direction. The answer to Russia's land grab cannot be "income inequality", the answer to North Korea cannot be "deregulating the banks" and the answer to Saudi-Iranian feud cannot be Big Oil...well maybe that could have something to do with it

- Bernie makes people who follow Islam sound like they are large deer. I get the Brooklyn accent is part of the charm but come on dude.

- you have to love that Hillary turns over her notes when she goes to take a wee. She treats them more carefully than she does classified information

- The contrast between a seasoned politician and a ideologue is pretty stark and as much as Hillary will fight I think we all believe that voting for her is a vote for the status quo...and that is not a bad thing at all

- glad to see Flint brought up, time for Obama to step in and treat this like the national crisis that it is, it is not his fault but if that were Bush, he would be getting killed for inaction. Time to step up and lead

- there is nothing lamer than the "would you choose him/her as your VP?" God, get over yourself MSNBC. We all know Hilary would take Ed Rendell and Bernie would take a moose

- I hope Chris Matthews and the rest of the MSNBC crew didn't hurt themselves (or each other) trying to get out from underneath Rachel Maddow and Chuck Todd's desk

- never remember candidates giving big hugs to the moderators after a debate before, guess it is like kissing your girlfriend after messing up the sheets

- last note, when the thing ended it was odd to not see Old Bill coming out...wouldn't be shocked if he was stuck under an MSNBC intern's desk

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Take on an aging fleet

Whenever I get on a plane, one of the first things I do is try to figure it how old it is and am often shocked how many planes are in US fleets which were built three decades ago. My B737 from Vegas today has that "kept together with tape and gum" feel to it. One of the bathroom doors won't lock, the other one looks like it was patched together from cardboard. The seats don't have headrests or TVs so you are forced to do the communal watching on that little 8 inch jobs that comes down out of the overhead while they play six episodes of the New Adventures of The Big Bang Theory with Friends.

Kill me

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Take on Rick "the dick" Santorum

Rick Santorum dropped out of the race today and has said he will endorse Marco Rubio but when he called the Rubio headquarters, he was told by aides that instead of endorsing, maybe he would be interested in making a donation instead.

Rick Santorum basically moved into Iowa over the last year and bragged about spending more time there than any other candidate and spoke often about visiting every one of the 99 counties..

the sad thing is that after all that time he spent, all those miles he drove (probably only using ethanol based gasoline) and all those main debates not invited to, he dropped out after getting only 1738 votes.   there were a record 180,000 people who came out to caucus and Santorum got 0.01% of those votes.    On an average ballot, Donald Duck gets more votes..   Guys like Kasich and Christie who spent about 10 minutes in Iowa got twice the votes he got.. 

anyway, he has dropped out.. so those 1738 people must be pissed because they gave it their all

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

take on the coin-flip

We will have some further analysis on the caucus system later but this was too good (or bad) to pass up.

Last night a couple hundred thousand Iowans went to some local gym to pledge their undying support for their candidate and then most of them were told that there candidate sucked (O'Malley, Kasich, Big Mike Huck, Santorum etc.) and were told to pledge their undying support for another one..  Campaigns spent hundreds of millions of dollars, news stations spent thousands of hours, I spent dozens of blog posts and at the end of the day.. it came down to a coin flip

Hillary Clinton won five precincts yesterday by calling heads.. somehow in 2016 we don't worry about hanging chads but we do worry about a coin toss..  Even the NFL knows this is an idiotic system for deciding a winner but the ultimate football game is still decided this way??? you gotta be kidding me

there were cases where there were 7 delegates at stake and the two were tied, so they were each awarded 3 and then they flipped a coin for the last one.. this is what we've come down to.. a 50/50 shot with a two-headed hillary coin

we are so screwed

Monday, February 1, 2016

take on Bill de Blasio campaigning in Iowa

I hate how sitting politicians get away with campaigning while they are still holding office because there is just no way that Christie, Kasich, Cruz or Rubio is able to provide the attention that their day jobs require and still run a national campaign.   What bothers me even more is when I see a guy like Bill de Blasio spending time campaigning in Iowa for Hillary Clinton right now..  I'm fine with him spending his weekend doing it, Bloomberg spent every weekend in Bermuda, but when I turn on CNN today and see him still going door-to-door, it starts to reek.. 
I know politics is all about scratching each other's backs but you'd think NYC has enough issues that de Blasio know.. be at work..

My guess is that he'll be back tomorrow, so it's probably only a day or so but still I'd like to know who paid for the flight, the hotels etc.

but the better part of this story was that the Clinton campaign actually rejected the offer for de Blasio to come down and campaign as a surrogate but he came anyway and is just knocking on doors... the problem is that with numerous interview's people in Iowa had no idea who this turd was anyway..