Friday, June 30, 2017

Take on Eric Holder's 3am snack

When Eric Holder decided to send a cryptic tweet at 3:17AM, we thought that something big was a-coming.  "To the career men & women at DOJ/FBI: your actions and integrity will be unfairly questioned. Be prepared, be strong. Duty. Honor. Country." 

We aren't sure what it all means but guess it likely isn't good for 45

We don't know anything other than wild speculation but here is the prediction 

we will have a major story break on the next 24-48 hours, one that will have the ability to sink the administration    It might be directly to Trump or -more likely- to somebody very close to Trump (Little Don, Eric, Ivanka??)

Like clockwork, Trump will explode on twitter   This will make "Obama is a sick (sad!) guy" look tame   

The FBI and DOJ will get called every nasty name in the Trump vocabulary which is sadly not that big.  

They will use this again to knock leakers as they will ask why Holder who is a private citizen got wind of this.  Ignoring the fact that he was likely interviewed recently

And here is the kicker 

Jeff Sessions will have had his paws on this thing in a goodway   It will show the first time that he is a creep but at least a patriotic one  


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Thursday, June 29, 2017

Take on Trump's bloody blond obsession

Trump is obsessed with blond chicks on TV. Two days ago he had the creepy interaction with the reporter from Ireland, nobody can forget his "blood coming from out of everywhere" comment about Megyn Kelly and now he is going after "low IQ Mika" and her bloody facelift. The guy is obsesses with bloodying up women, both figuratively and maybe even literally
This isn't some contestant on celebrity apprentice, this ain't some guy who goes on Howard Stern to complain about his own private Vietnam, this is the president of our country. This is the person whose face you see when you walk through JFK, this is the guy who every.single.person I've met over the last three international trips asks me about. They are mystified how we elected this clown and I don't have an answer. He is the epitome of classless, he brings nothing to the table in terms of substance and he likely has had a Russian winkie in his mouth.
I wonder if he ever asks Melanie to put on a blond wig when she's got her visitor, that seems like the ultimate Trump turn-on

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Take on the most nonsensically tweet ever

Our president needs help.

This sentence can be taken so many ways but all of them seem to be true and nothing made that more apparent than the tweet about the AmazonWashingtonPost today. I'm not quite sure what his sources for the accusations that they don't pay "internet taxes" is but I'm sure Trump will get those out as soon as he's done with the inauguration recount, the 3 million fake votes and the Ted Cruz dad on the grassy knoll thing

Maybe he thinks that you should pay taxes per character you post online, which is why he seemingly combined two completely nonsensical thoughts into one even more nonsensical one.

But this is Trump, he sends up a flare and everybody immediately goes on a wild goose chase. Then when they figure out he's full of crap they confront him and he says that it wasn't what he said

It's masterful and we're all sheep

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Take on Fake News

Our president is such an insecure loser and the more you learn about him, the more apparent it becomes. He's the president of the United States yet he has fake Time Magazine with his mug hanging in his golf clubs. This is the kind of thing you pick up on the Boardwalk down the shore for $20 yet this loser hangs it in his golf clubs. He is so dumb that he probably believes it is a true cover by now
The entire thing reminds me of the scene in Lebowski when he looks into the Man of The Year Mirror thing. Except he was just a out of work bowler, not the leader of the free world.

Monday, June 26, 2017

Take on the Trump tell.

Claude Taylor said it better than I could, even if I've tried my best to say so for months. Trump has a tell and it's a really obvious one. Basically when Trump has done something wrong, he accuses others of that same exact thing. People are liars, crooks, cheats or plain corrupt which are all just ways to describe Trump. And the biggest tell yet isn't about being crooked or about lying, it is about a hacked election. For months he accused Hillary of that exact thing, countless Mexicans racing over the border to cast illegal votes, a theory which has proven to have a much merit as the Ted Cruz-JFK thing. But this s where it gets interesting, nobody has proven anything and no legit media outlet is even alleging it, the only one pointing in a hacked election direction is one Donald J Trump. Who knows if it is true but it would certainly help explain all those wrong polls.

Now how about that Little Marco comment??

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Take on the obsession

Did our president complain that Obama used his term "mean"?   He has to be the most self centered,egomaniacal narcissist we have ever had hold the office and that is saying something.   But his obsession with himself is only matched with his obsession with Obama, Barack is totally in his head at this point.  

This is class A trolling and the funny thing is that Obama isn't even trying.  You just know that Trump wakes up at night in an angry sweat, so angry that Obama has a prettier smile, nicer clothes and a better ###.   He just can't do anything other than focus on Obama, it's so pathetic.  He tries with the Crooked Hillary stuff but it just doesn't give him the fix, he's like the little kid who is trying to get the attention of the older neighbor, to the point he'll eventually run the car off the road to try to get his attention


sadly the car is our country 

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Saturday, June 24, 2017

Take on the Kushner Middle East Trip

Nobody could have guessed that peace in the Middle East could be so hard!! Jared Kushner flew to see Netanyahu and then Abbas. The issue is that Kusher did to come to listen, he didn't even come to negotiate, he just came down to tell Abbas exactly what Netanyahu wanted. It's weird that this approach didn't seem work for the Palestinians, a 35 year old bratty Jewish kid flying in from New York telling him what to do
I have no why this didn't work.

Friday, June 23, 2017

Take on Trump's U.K. Ambassador nomination

Donald Trump did something right for once. Although it wasn't exactly news, he did officially nominate Woody Johnson to become the U.K. ambassador. Its not all good because if Woody can run official US twice as well as he ran the Jets, we'll likely be on the brink of a new revolutionary war, so that sucks but with Trump at the helm, that may be the least of our worries. What is good news is that he'll step away from running the day to day operations of the Jets which can only be a good thing as he has to be the most incompetent owner this side of Jim Dolan.
Woody from Toy Story could do a better job than this clown

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Take on the press briefings

Our White House has gone off the deep's been months since Trump has had a press conference which like most things he does, was something he criticized Hillary of not doing during the campaign. But today they have gone even further, with the Press Briefing not being televised. Rumor is that they first tried to stop all recordings but after pressure agreed to just audio ones. I can't think of a legitimate reason that our White House refuses to make available the state of our country I can though think of plenty of not so legitimate reasons to not broadcast it. And most of them have to do with the fact that Spicer has gotten very fat

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Take on the Rubio hug

Marco Rubio is just a creepy dude. Between those weird transistor size ears, him always lunging for bottles of water, constant sweat pouring down his face and that robotic tone, he just seems like the kind of guy women would avoid.

Enter Ivanka Trump who had less than no interest in hugging Rubio, maybe it was because she disagrees with him on an issue, maybe it's because she wants to defend her daddy or maybe it because she doesn't like to interact with the help but Rubio went in with the weird hug and Ivanka stood there like one of those statues on Rapa Nui. They tried to play if off later, but anybody with two sets of eyes could see that she didn't want his sweaty forehead all over her Versace dress, and really, who can blame her

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Take on Russian Trump

I've been saying for months that the Russian Trump interference goes much further than the 2016 election...that was just the culmination. Everybody sees the admiration that Trump has had for Putin, everybody knows Trump's relationships and business deals on that side of the iron curtain goes back decades and we all can see from Eric Trump's comments that money has been flowing in from Russia. Nobody is surprised by any of this anymore but what hasn't been made clear is how Trump used the Russians or better yet how the Russians used Trump.

You can't tell me that you honestly believe Trump is a genius businessman, most of his ideas are tacky disasters. Take a Trump air or Trump Steaks or Trump University, they are all lame and genuinely bad ideas. The kinds of ideas that your idiot cousin would invest in if he ever hit the lottery. The one thing he has made his money on is developments but why for a guy who was so bad at so many other things, was he good at that? I think it comes down to Trump getting a little help.

Basically the Russians were using Trump as a cash mule to launder money through off-shore companies who needs to park their found money into assets, ones that could appreciate.
Nobody knows how to value real-estate, especially high end real estate, so it's a perfect way to funnel money and Trump had it set up to basically collecting a vig. Oligarchs were buying and selling apartments they never planned to live in, just leaving their money parked -and their apartments empty- until the next oligarch could come in and give them some cash relief. Values could easily go up or down depending on the market, we aren't talking about a cookie cutter tenement apartment here.
And this is how hey will get him eventually, through a complex money laundering scheme.

They used Trump's name and allowed him bus space and then, one day, they saw an opportunity and thought they'd take this big time at which time Trump descended that escalator and we were all screwed

Monday, June 19, 2017

Take on Panama

Despite his own assertions, our president is not very bright, this has been established over and over again. He has repeatedly shown no interest in a deep dig -or even a shallow one- asking his briefings to be dumbed down to only a few words in bullet point format with the important parts bolded.
 So it is no surprise when he embarrassed himself  again today. He welcomed the president of Panama and after his typical "we have a lot of important things we will be discussing that are very important to both of us" line he went with a typical Trumpism.
 He said "the Panama Canal is doing quite well" which you just know is the only thing he knows about their entire country despite having gotten a briefing right before meeting him, a briefing he promptly ignored

The guy couldn't find Panama in a collection of shitty 80's songs, there is no way he'd find it on a map. But this is Trump, he has no intellectual curiosity, no emotional awareness and no interest in anything that doesn't have a Trump logo on it.
I bet he can tell you the exact location of those windmills that they tried to overlooking his golf course in Scotland but wouldn't be able to tell you the name of President of Mexico

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Take on Trump's Middle East

I guess Syria is now Trump's war, win or lose.  I'm not talking about that attack on that air base, the wink wink agreement with the Russians or the fact we shot down a Syrian Air Force fighter today but actually the fact that the map of the land actually looks like Trump's gigantic head.  Maybe this is just somebody trolling Trump using some coloring but it is uncanny.

And if it is his head that would make Jordan his turkey neck, Saudia Arabia his giant belly, Yemen and Oman his feet, Kuwait his tiny hand which leaves Qatar as....his minuscule winkie.

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Saturday, June 17, 2017

Take on the wedding planner

Everybody was complaining that Trump hired Eric Trump's wedding planner to head NY Federal housing authority because, well, she's a wedding planner not a housing planner. But we know Trump only hires the best people and maybe this woman is more qualified than her boss, Ben Carson, to run housing, only because you can't be any less qualified than Ben Carson.
Then again, maybe Trump is planning on getting married again and just wanted to keep her in the fold so that he can get a deal the next time around. Maybe even keep her on a federal payroll and let Joe Q Taxpayer foot the bill

Friday, June 16, 2017

Take on the Pence hostage negotiation

Somebody call the hostage negotiators in Washington DC, it seems Mike Pence is being held against his will like that college kid in North Korea. Mike Pence is no saint, quite honestly he is probably a liberal's worst nightmare but I'd think that he is at minimum a patriot. At least until he met Trump, the big orange elephant is like the opposite of King Midas, turning everything he touches to crap.
I'm not sure how far this Russian hacking, obstruction, money laundering, hooker peeing thing really goes but I'm sure it will implicate Donald, Little Donald, Eric, Page, Flynn, Manafort and Kushner. Sessions will, at minimum, be found to have obstructed, Spicer will be incriminated somehow but may walk although it wouldn't be surprising if he had to go door to door to announce he moved into the neighborhood. The question is Pence... as the head of the transition, he must have known Flynn was being investigated when Flynn disclosed this even if Pence claims he didn't know until it came out a month into the presidency. I'd think he has kept himself out of the fray but the stench of trump seems to be one he can't get off, like getting sprayed by a big orange skunk

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Take on Trump Island

Trump told a mayor of a small island off Virginia that he didn't think he had to worry about the island sinking because, well I guess, Trump knows more about science than the scientists. 
This is typical Trump,  bloviating about things he knows nothing about and people believing that he knows something

Maybe we can trade Trump the next 3.5 years of his presidency for that island.  He can live there forever, like a Gilligans island scenario

Trump =Gilligan

Bannon = the skipper constantly hitting Trump with his hat

Pence and Mrs Pence  can be the millionaire and his wife

Kushner can be the professor everybody expecting him to figure out a way off the island but him never getting there 

Ivanka can be Ginger

and Huckabee's dumpy daughter can be Maryanne



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Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Take on the Sessions testimony

Lost in all the news yesterday was the absolutely horrifying display of incompetence by our attorney general. It's not just the fact that nobody believes that he's innocent, it's the fact that he basically admitted that he has memory loss and can't handle a bit of pressure. I saw reports that he used a variation of "I don't recall" more than 30 times, for somebody who is in charge of our law enforcement, this is troubling. Then, when pressed by Kamala Harris, he went with the "when you ask me a lot of questions, I get nervous". That's what you need out of a guy in charge of interrogations, police work and other high stress situations, a guy who gets nervous when asked a few questions. Questions he must have prepared for.

Maybe instead of handling law enforcement and overseeing the FBI, he should be sitting on a rocking chair at some retirement home in Alabama, he's obviously not able to do his job.

So we thank you for your service, Mr. Sessions, don't let the warrant for your arrest for obstructions hit you on the ass on your way out

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Take on the hacked elections

I've been saying it for weeks, there was more to this election hacking than a few FakeNews articles.  The more you read it, the more it sounds like they got close to the actual voting machines. 

Remember that Trump constantly spoke about illegal voters. It never made sense because how would the Russians know which dead people were on the rolls, well now that is becoming clear.  The question is did they just infiltrate the rolls and machinery or do something about it.  The Bloomberg article seems to suggest that there were no known shenanigans but I don't see any reason Russia would go through the trouble of getting that close and then just closing the doors 

And if so, then the Facebook bots and FakeNews were not meant to influence voters as much as hey were to give the appearance that he had bigger support than he actually did.  

This story is far from done

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Monday, June 12, 2017

Take on Trump's twitter blocking

For a guy who constantly mocks others (Crooked Hillary, Lyin' Ted, Lowe energy Jeb!, Little Marco etc) our president sure has thin skin. He often touts his gigantic twitter followers, even if it has been revealed that nearly half of them are cyborgs with the mission to spread FakeNews. But what is sad! is that Trump has been blocking users who are engaging him in conversation. To be fair, these people aren't looking to engage him in normal dialogue but mostly mock him for any number of his inadequacies. But the question is now asked, whether Trump, as president, can block citizens from his account or if that is an infringement on their freedom of speech.
But what it really tells you is that Trump is reading the comments, how else would he know what the commentary is. I've clicked on commentary on Paris Hilton or Obama in the past and it's mostly vile stuff about shoving cucumbers up their five holes but I doubt either takes much notice. Trump seems to be he opposite and our president is spending time
reading the commentary to his stupid posts
Great job Mr. President, you are more sensitive to criticism than Paris Hilton.

Sunday, June 11, 2017

Take on the web of lies

What Trump doesn't realize is that he is really in a heap load of trouble. It's like the kid who keeps trying to change the subject when he gets caught with his dinky in the cookie jar but luckily for everybody Mueller isn't some pushover parent. Trump's new thing is to try to dismiss his campaign's ties to Russia and his own lies by dumping it all on Comey. It's hard to know whether Trump realizes how wrong he is but right now it will come down to one thing, his inability to ever tell the truth.
It's not as if this wasn't apparent to anybody watching and paying attention, it's that half this country just didn't care. They were had, hoodwinked and conned into the worst president we've ever seen and the rest of us are stuck with the consequences. I know his core support will never erode below 25% or something which is where Nixon was at the height of the impeachment but at least Nixon was our crook, with Trump you never know which side he's on

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Take on the temper tantrum in chief

I thought that, at minimum, our president was supposedly charming. Behind the rough facade, there was a deal maker, a guy who could charm men and women alike with his charisma and intellect. Instead we are stuck with a president with the intellectual curiosity of a plant, the ethics of a five card monty dealer and the charm of a rug burn.
The first international trip our president took was described by many as a disaster but that was the just from the outside looking in, but now we're starting to get the first word in the inside portion and it doesn't paint a rosy picture, either. Trump is a perpetual child, temper tantruming his way through any perceived slight and he's only getting worse as he gets more cranky.
It's getting closer and closer to having a kindergarten kid at the helm of the worlds biggest economy and lethally equipped army. This sounds like a recipe for disaster but at least he has the smartest and brightest working for him.

Friday, June 9, 2017

Take on the Comey testimony

 Comey's  testimony had a bunch of bombshells yesterday but many people point to exchange where he was questioned over the term "hope" and whether it meant intent.  
He wrote in those memos that Trump said: "'I hope you can see your way clear to letting this go, to letting Flynn go. He is a good guy. I hope you can let this go."

 If this isn't exactly how Tony Soprano would say it, I don't know what would be.    I'd hope you can find a way to let this little instance of disorderly conduct go, my son's a good guy and we wouldn't want anything to happen to your family. 

There is nothing about the way Trump handled this that is professional or presidential.  He's just adept enough to not incriminate himself, using terminally that is innocuous enough that it's hard to prove intent.   I wonder where he learned that. 

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Thursday, June 8, 2017

Take on the 36+ hours of silence

A lot of people hoping to get drunk during today's ComeyBowl were bitterly disappointed. There were drinking games set up with people having to do a shot every time Trump live tweeted the event but 2+ hours passes and Trump stayed quiet. Even now, 12 hours after Comey got in front of the committee, he's been quiet. Maybe his Galaxy phone died, maybe his aids hid his plug, maybe they turned off the Wifi but either way, they finally figured out a way to keep the orange leader quiet and we're better off for it.

That reminds me, when they finally get proof of him personally colluding with and working in the best unrest of Russia, the NY Post should go with the headline Agent Orange

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Take on the latest Quinnipiac poll

The latest polling came out from Quinnipiac which showed that Trumps approval rating is now around 34% which is ludicrously low for a president in his honeymoon period not named Gerard Ford.
But what was more surprising was not the fact that 34% still see him favorably and only 57% see him unfavorably. What is shocking is the 9% who said they didn't have enough information to make a decision. Come on people, it's been 137 days after a year long campaign for a guy whose been in the media spotlight for decades.

We can all agree he is woefully unqualified, temperamental and physically repulsive, even if 35% of us like that about him. So, I sort of get the people who are still all in, mainly because I'm aware that a similar percentage of Americans park their trucks on their lawn and drink warm Bud Lites and smoke Marlboros in their above ground pools.

But who is this 9% who doesn't have an opinion at this point?? If there was ever a polarizing figure, it's Donald.
That's like having no opinion about whether you like pizza. Or more accurately, having no opinion about whether you like to be kicked in the nuts.

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Take on Eric Trump's charity.

You wonder if things really can get worse and they do. Today's Trump news of the day involved his son Eric's charity for kids with cancer which hosts an annual golf outing at, you guessed it, at Trump golf course. It's not the Trump golf course that is the trouble in itself, it is that Trump Golf charges Trump Charity $1.2million for whatever they provide in service. This number doesn't just sound obscene to me, it sounds obscene to other people running golf charity events.

It reminds you of when the Trump hotels and restaurants would charge the Trump campaign for hosting campaign stops except in that case the only people losing out were the morons who contributed to his campaign. But this is worse

Just think, how many kids stricken with the worst kind of disease can get help with care, housing, treatment, deductible help or a teddy bear with that kind of money? But no, Trump golf courses charge a premium to a charity bearing the Trump name.

These people all suck

Monday, June 5, 2017

Take on the Trump bus

We're four months into this fun Trump experiment and so far, I can't say that it's going real well. Our country loses standing in the eyes of the world every time he opens his mouth, his entire staff seems to be on the take with rubles and he himself is getting fatter by the day. The stories of him getting two scoops of ice cream didn't surprise me mainly because he looks like a Macy's thanksgiving parade balloon st this point. He's got no shape to him at all, just looks like if he'd go shirtless he would look like one pasty hairless tub of goo. No wonder Melanie is disgusted by the mere sight of him. You just know that she was counting the days to get back from the first international trip and back to her apartment in New York, while he chubby husband went back to D.C.

Sunday, June 4, 2017

Take on the idiot in chief

Our president is not a smart man. Coming off of the terrorist attacks in London, our president didn't show solace, didn't grieve, didn't stay quiet but used the opportunity to push for his stupid travel ban and then later knocked the mayor of London for a completely out of context quote. I get that he thinks this is how he should behave but he just couldn't be more wrong. Somebody needs to rip that gigantic galaxy phone from his tiny hands, so he doesn't continue to embarrass himself and, in turn, us

God he sucks

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Take on the Trump Golf Course brochure

Trumps golf course in New Jersey has been working a new marketing angle for their prospective brides. Instead of telling you about the fountain in the front for photos or the dance floor or the special bridal suite, they tell you that if you are really lucky, Trump may show up at your wedding. I got married 11 years ago and nothing would have been more frightening than having a 260 pound orange man walk up to my new bride and try to hug her with his woefully undersized hands. There are obviously 63millions people who'd like to have them at their wedding, luckily I'm of the age that I don't get invited to any wedding anymore.

Friday, June 2, 2017

Take on the Comey replacement

Trump has been looking to replace James Comey and the search isn't going that well

Most of the guys he's considered so far have dropped our most notably Joe Lieberman who seemed so far tangled into the Trump atmosphere with his ties to the law firm that represents Trump. But now he's interviewing a few lesser known guys. The problem is that reports are that Trump is only doing 20 minute interviews and most of the conversation with the individual candidates are about Trump. He's likely showing off his stupid colored in electoral maps and telling them about how crooked Hillary was

This isn't an interview of some secretary or guy to cut the White House lawn, this is the head of the FBI and our president can't hang out for 20 minutes and not turn the conversation about himself. Whoever he appoints will likely be a complete hack, a terrible crook or, most likely, both .

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Take on the trolls troll

Everybody is talking about the masterful troll job that did on our president. Every article on its page was about floods, coral reef decay or melting glaciers all in answer to Trump pulling out of for Paris accords. But the best troll job, either purposely or inadvertent, was the huge DodgeRam truck ad that was running. You know this thing gets like 11 miles per gallon and spews more useless gunk into the air than our president.

Like a rock