Monday, April 30, 2012
which you have to be able to survive on quality ad service. I drove
past a place today which I swear has had those red-white-blue flags
hanging off their awning since 2009. I am not sure if it driving
business or just laziness that has kept it up but for those of us who
notice these things this is a bigger red-flag than those 'grade
pending' signs in the window. If they are too lazy to pull it down
there is a chance they are also too lazy to wash their hands and if
they are keeping it up for another reason maybe they are just trying
to elude the health-inspectors because they assume it's a brand new
business which might have a grace period for health grading.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
than that I have no interest in visiting and that I've been smart
enough to steer clear of almost all the scams. So when I saw the
headline about Nigeria being the third fastest economy in the world
I thought God there are a lot of stupid people out there.
Even this growth is not on the back of grandma's social security, I am
not convinced it's based on real legitimate anything First of all
when you are starting from nothing, any growth looks exponential since
GDP measures in percentage growth but more importantly it does not
matter how much they grow because even if it was legit, your economy
will never soar until people are willing to invest in you and I can't
imagine any guy running a 401k being able to convince anybody it's a
good idea to send their life savings to a bond invested in Nigeria.
Regardless of how legit it's an issue of word association with scam
and Nigeria and would be like trying to sell a beautiful cruise around
the waters of Somalia
Saturday, April 28, 2012
learned more about hugs than about production. Years ago the
commissioner would greet players with a firm handshake and then pose
for an awkward picture but now every dude who gets drafted immediately
feels the need to hug-it-out. Maybe they are all just trying to get
in good with the commish because chances are a bunch of them will come
in front of Goodell for punishment after some kind of late night
We tried to identify the first player who first shunned the
professional handshake to instead get frisky with the commish and our
best guess was that it all started by Ndamukong Suh whose relationship
with the commish is not great but maybe that hug has kept him from the
total Goodell-wrath. But honestly it's getting ridiculous with the
hugging... The next move is gonna be some tight-end grabbing his ass
or a long snapper French kissing him, then again maybe the commish is
just checking them for weapons and weed.
Friday, April 27, 2012
and his craft than even Joseph Smith ever did. The thing which is
the most amazing is that (at least from the flyer), this dude looks
like he's 24 so this is apparently the most stress free gig out there
I mean you do what you like, you can stay true to yourself and you
make a living And really what does it take... The entire business
model is that you hang up a couple of flyers around Union Square and
on walls of coffee shops and before you know it before you know it you
are a staple in NYC like Spike Lee at a Knick game, Fireman Ed and The
Naked Cowboy. I was wondering that maybe it was due time for him to
franchise. One dude can not possibly cover all that ground and be
expected to teach generations of kids how to jam I can see it now
Dan Smith's across the city teaching guitar to snot-nosed kids and
wannabe Bucketheads. Why stop there, how about Dan Smith in Buffalo,
Dan Smith in Orange County, Dan Smith in Taipei all teaching basic
cord progressions and bad solos..this could really have some legs
Thursday, April 26, 2012
walked past a diner on 9th avenue and 43rd street which except for one
thing is fairly non-descript The diner seems fine although I don't
recall ever eating there but what is most memorable about it is a huge
tarp sign above it's awning about being voted Best Diner in Manhattan
by The Daily News. This sign has to be 1000 square feet big and only
gives very a vague description of the award although it does thank the
customers for their support.
The issue is that they've had this sign up for at least a decade and
it's an absolute eyesore but that isn't even the biggest problem we
have with it. First of all it is very unclear who actually voted on
this thing; was it some exhaustive thorough undertaking by highly
acclaimed food critics, was it conducted by the regular Daily News
Staff or was it some lame reader survey with 50 responses because
without knowing this, the award is worthless to me. When it comes to
diners I may actually trust a bunch of newsmen over a food critic and
definitely over it's patrons. Diner food is about grease, coffee,
quantity and speed and nothing else. Cleanliness, quality of meat,
wine pairings and healthy options take a back seat and we all know the
ballot boxes get stuffed of you leave it to the general population to
But more importantly there has to be some statute of limitations when
it comes to these awards, this thing has been up for most of my adult
life It's due time for either The Daily News to award a new winner
or if they have, it is time for this joint to hang up a new sign
because it's been hanging around off 42nd street for longer than a
bunch of guys I went to high-school with and it looks just as beat up.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
over the message icon which should indicate that I have one unread
text message. The issue is that when I open up the messenger app,
there are no unread messages and although I am well aware that the
icon is wrong, i still feel a constant need to check it. So like a
mental patient, I am stuck in this viscous cycle of checking something
I should know is not there. I thought Apple was supposed to be beyond
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
My buddy The Bump made an interesting point “i have little faith in the voting public. the fact that people actually wasted overpriced gas to drive to the local elementary school to cast a vote for Newt Gingrich or Rick Santorum for PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES blows my friggin mind.”
I get that he wants to be represented at the convention but his conservative ‘causes’ will probably be well represented by Santorum anyway and the way this campaign has gone, I wouldn’t be surprised if his invitation to Mitt’s party gets lost in the mail or they send him directions to the wrong location
Monday, April 23, 2012
you combine the two they do not follow mathematical logic of
multiplying to negatives to get a positive. I was in the park this
weekend and was shocked to see that the hipsters had already stamped
the look of summer 2012 all over the neighborhood.
Last year they had mustaches, the year before they had 80's neon and
before that were ugly raybans but honestly this takes the cake
The issue here is the the look isn't just bad, it also takes away from
the reason you wear shorts which is to let things air out a bit.
Instead these idiot hipsters are standing around with their balls
squeezed up against their taints while also having their quads covered
like they're sporting leather pants
Sunday, April 22, 2012
spots with George explaining his working theory where he first tries
his own block and then expands with larger and larger concentric
circles. Obviously this ia ridiculous in a place like NYC where good
free street-parking spots are at such a premium that I myself have
often not gone out in fear of losing a good one.
Although i realize driving around the block is pretty much worthless
and for somebody who spent an extra 20% to buy a hybrid a complete
contradiction but as much as I have a passion for keeping our planet
green, my lack of patience is almost as powerful
I feel like looking for a parking spot has to be an active activity,
probably mostly because if it was a passive exercise could you really
bitch about it?
I am so wired that I cannot ever just sit and do nothing, I must at
all times be at minimum multi-tasking. I always try to sit in my car
on a block waiting for a spot to open up and it always ends within 2
minutes when I lose patience and start making my concentric circles
and just hoping beyond hope that normal logic is defied and a block
full of open spots magically appears
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Friday, April 20, 2012
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, April 19, 2012
How insecure a public workforce do we have that every one of them needs to be constantly put on a pedestal? Not only are we constantly reminded of their hard-work and dedication by the media and government officials but they all have to have little motto's so you can't possibly forget them. Cops are the finest, the firefighters are the bravest, the correctional officers are the boldest, I think the garbage men I think are the cleanest, the sheriffs are the first, the teachers are the brightest and the EMS guys are just the best. Obviously this all means nothing because just donning a uniform doesn't make you brave or clean or bold, it's the acts they do while there that might allow them to deserve it and there are plenty of great cops, brave firefighters and smart teachers but I'm not exactly sure why the other guys all need mottos too.
But yesterday I noticed another for the list, although not exactly a motto it was another lame ego stroke for some dude who has job-security, great benefits, offered plenty of overtime and probably only qualified to do that exact job. Running down the street, I spot a new sign underneath the bus-sign instructing bus-drivers to turn off their busses while parked. Obviously I'm all for this as there is no reason to pump any extra carbon monoxide into my lungs but what got me was that they preempted this very sensible message with "MTA Bus Drivers, Best and Safest in the World.' This feels like the hot-dog stand that claims to serve the world's best bratwurst. But this isn't some lame promotion; this is professional verbal felatio for these bus-drivers. Explain to me how they define the best, these busses routinely run late, seem to break down all the time and cause a ton of headache to other motorist although from my very limited experience they are probably a lot less grumpy than the NJ Transit ones.
I'm just waiting for the newest motto for New York's Viagra popping generation.. New York's Hardest
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
I totally had a TOR moment a few weeks ago which seemed so ridiculous that it didn't even occur to me to post about it but when the same event was creeping up again, I thought it was time to set the record straight. A few weeks ago a friend who will remain nameless asked me to help her pick up a TV she got free at her friend's house. Now I don't live all that nearby so it took a few weeks to get arrangements made but when I showed up on a nice Saturday afternoon, I knew I was in for a treat. We drive about 5 blocks to her friend's house, go up the elevator, ring the doorbell and walk into the apartment. There in the middle of the room sits said electronic appliance and quickly you find out why they are giving it away.. This isn't one of those super new, ultra thin jobs but one of those ridiculously heavy ones, honestly this thing must weigh 100 pounds and is the shape of a refrigerator. I walk in and the dude and chick who live in the place hardly get off the couch to say hello (mind you they are very good friends of the person I'm helping).. I size up the scenario and quickly figure out that this is going to be a one-man job.. I squat down, pick up the TV and almost instantly feel like something is going to pop..either my groin, my knee, my back or my jeans. As I finally get the thing centered, I start stammering towards the exit and as I walk towards the door the dude graciously takes the cord and throws it over my shoulder while the chick opens the door. The door closes before I even get my sense of direction in the hallway. I finally make it to the elevator with sweat pouring down the face and sharp pains shooting down my sciatic nerve, press the button of the elevator with my knee and finally get some relief when I'm able to lean this thing on the handle-rail in the elevator.. I schlep the thing off the elevator, through the front doors of the luxury building, down a few ornate steps and finally into the trunk of my car.
Now as annoyed as I am that I just spent 20 minutes on a beautiful Saturday lugging a 10 year old TV around knowing you could probably buy a new flat-screen out of China for $300 what really annoyed me is that the dude in the place didn't so much as offer to help. I get that he feels his good-deed is giving away this TV but it's not like I'm the recipient of the good-deed since he knows very well that I'm not getting it since it's going to our mutual friend. I'm not expecting him to drop it off at my place but I also could never imagine having a friend-of-a-friend's show up at my house to pick up anything and I don't so much as offer to get the elevator for him if not insist I help carry the thing to his car. I was shocked he even got off the couch to throw the wire over my shoulder
Luckily for me, the TV which has been sitting in my garage in storage now is needed and will be picked up tonight by a different dude all together.. I guarantee I'm outside tonight helping to lug this thing into a trunk and probably will offer him a cold lemonade
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
When I caught the following article online yesterday I just shook my head in amazement
One metalhead is apparently turning to Craiglist to find out who her baby daddy is.
In a post entitled, "Did we hook up at the Megadeth/Motorhead concert?," someone claiming to be a 28-year-old woman posted a graphic message on the site's "Missed Connections" section looking for the man she had sex with in the bathroom of Chicago's Aragon Ballroom.
"Me: Blue hair, silver tube top, fishnets, Knee-high black biker boots. You: Red mohawk, black pentagram gauges, viper piercings," the post said.
"I was grinding on you in the pit, then we went to the bathroom," it said, before continuing into a graphic description of the X-rated encounter.
"Anyway I'm pregnant. It's yours. Contact me if you want to be part of your child's life."
Craigslist sensors pulled the post sometime late last week, but not before several blogs, including music magazine Fuse, picked up on it.
Megadeth and Motorhead played the Aragon Ballroom on Feb. 10
Obviously our first thought is that this can't possibly be true… first of all… I don't think you'd find 5 chicks at a Motorhead concert and the ones who do probably have an umlaut on their yo-yo's. But even if we were to believe that this is could happened..when a skank who drops her drawers for some dude with a pentagram and a viper piercing she can't possibly expect him to respond based on a Missed Connections note and set himself up for two decades of child-support.. then again when you sport a red Mohawk and you split your tongue in two, maybe you are also dumb enough to respond to this kind of call for help
Monday, April 16, 2012
of this as this is an issue they will never face but for those of us
who have to go through the indignity of the labor of pumping out own
gas. One thing I cannot stand (and don't understand) is why NYC
gas stations have all removed those little bump tracks in the gas
handle which allows you to start pumping gas and keep the flow going
automatically so you aren't forced to stand there like some kind of
yoyo pulling on a handle.
I am sure there is some nanny state law designed to protect consumers
against the NYC's astronomical prices but really I prefer to get
screwed by the pump if I can spend 3 minutes checking my email
This might be the last straw that brings me back to Jersey!!
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Sent from my iPhone
Saturday, April 14, 2012
inevitably come across this quandary: by law realtors are my allowed
to speak about the quality of schools in the area which you would have
to think is a pretty important criteria when it comes to trying to buy
They can talk about commute times, property tax rates and cost for
sewage but when it comes to education they are mum which for anybody
moving to a new area will mean that they are forced to spend many
hours to try to research on their own. Isn't this one of the reasons
you get a realtor in the first place to help navigate you through the
difficulties of all of this? This is like enacting a law that says
a waiter can't recommend a bottle of wine or a pasta dish
Friday, April 13, 2012
sign advertising the upcoming draft. The banner showed all the
#1picks over the las decade....every pick with the exception of one.
They had Cam, Eli, Carson and even Alex Smith. There is room for
David Carr but the more I stared at it the more it looked like
something was missing. Somehow they 'forgot' the 2007 draft class,
you know the one between Jake Long and Mario Williams and for the life
of I couldn't figure out who it was. I racked my brain: Matt Ryan
(no), Reggie Bush (no), Keyshawn Johnson (nope)
Then I realized who was missing and it made all the sense in the world
Thursday, April 12, 2012
There was a headline on CNN today screaming 'when did Facebook become so uncool' based on a CBN News report with the CNN columnist trying to pinpoint the exact time when Facebook jumped the shark.. I'll go a step further and say it didn't just jump-the-shark, it got eaten by the shark, regurgitated, eaten again and then shit out. The columnist theorizes that it might have something to do with FB collecting personal information but I really don't see this as that big an issue.. most people realize that the interwebs aren't safe for personal info.
What really was the turning point was when every 60 year old mother joined it, it became the antithesis of cool. I've stopped using Facebook about a year ago and honestly don't miss it at all. When I ask friends who still check regularly they mention that there are less-and-less people who are posting on a regular basis which probably just makes the people who continue to post more prominent and thus more annoying which then turns more people off. I said this a year ago, Facebook is on a downward trajectory regardless of what numbers they release showing growth in users..and they are smart to cash-out now.
The funny thing is that its unlike every example in the Tipping Point book. In Tipping Point they talk about kids in the Lower East Side wearing hush-puppies but when it got really popular they were already off to a new fad. The funny thing with Facebook is that the original crowd (the kids who were in college about 5-10 years ago) are still the ones on this thing, it's the people like myself who are now about 15 years removed from college who have given up which I guess has left the FB landscape littered with a giant generational gap with a bunch of 20 somethings posting right next to a bunch of 60 year old women.
Anyway you cut it..that doesn't sound like the kind of crowd that I hang with so I'm pretty content to shut that noise off all together.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Through the first three episodes of season 5 of Mad Men, I have to say I'm somewhat disappointed with the trajectory of the characters.. I thought the third episode was defintely better but mainly it just reminds me of how much more it used to be. Maybe the slow churning has some merit but since the characters are well developed at this time, we just want to see more time in the office, more sex and lies and more Don.
The biggest problem is the pussyfication of Draper.. he seems to have lost his drive since he was able to put the Dick Whitman stuff to bed a few years ago with basically everybody knowing his full history.. His lack of interest in his work, the lack of fire in his belly and his tepidness drains the show of its main driving force which was always his ability to cope with it all and thrive. Although we all like happy endings, they make for boring TV and seeing Don NOT banging a bunch of sleezy chicks makes him feel like a character on Friends.
whenever you take a strong character and try to soften him/her, it really takes a beating for the show (see JR Ewing, Livia Soprano, Archie Bunker),... their flaws, internal struggles and vindictiveness is what makes them.. you take that away and their a shell of themselves, they lose their passion and you love the intrigue.
A buddy took it a bit further, blaming not just the single character but the entire show and the fact they seem to be sitting on their laurels and are now completely afraid to take any risks.
Don Draper is an alcoholic with an addictive personality suppressed mommy issues and complete lack of accountability in his personal life. Up to this point, the show pulled no punches and made him suffer the consequences of these character traits. This season, the only consequence so far has been a bad dream? Instead of struggling with these addictions, he's simply absolved by finding the right girl to soothe his weary soul. Come on. If someone doesn't get punched in the face, raped or called a n**ger soon, I'll be disappointed.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
instructing employees correct posture, lifting techniques and reaching
distances from a sitting position. Now I realize taking intelligence
for granted is probably a mistake but at what point do we allow our
people make their own decisions. We live in a nanny world where we
are told what we should eat, what we should wear and who we shouldn't
f$ck so I guess telling us not to reach more than 20 inches for a
piece of paper makes sense. But hat really annoys me is that it isn't
about safety, it's about liability
Next thing you are going to put or of these things in my bathroom to
show me the proper way to beat off
Monday, April 9, 2012
I won't misrepresent myself by implying I know anything about police work.. I'm sure there are a ton of things that cops do which come as second-nature but there are a ton of things they tend to do which makes absolutely no sense to me. The last few times I've driving across the Brooklyn Bridge into Manhattan, I've noticed one of those little three wheel police cars sitting in the left lane on the approach. Now I may not know enough about racial profiling, crime scene investigation or following a hot-lead but I do know something about basic physics which means that if you have two lanes of traffic flowing onto an approach and you decide to block a part of one, you will get a bottleneck effect. What this will mean is that there will be traffic which will backup all the way to Atlantic Avenue. Now if there was a good reason for this like maybe the cops were doing some kind of check before the cars got onto the bridge, than I might see some value to it…but when the cop stationed to the job is just sitting in his tricycle jitney talking on a cell-phone than I guess I fail to see the value..
Sunday, April 8, 2012
no issues when it comes to shopping there but there is something about
the place that doesn't sit right. It isn't because I have this need
to defend mom and pop stores, it isn't because I disagree with the way
they negotiate with their vendors drawing blood out of a stone and it
isn't even because of the work conditions if you looked all the way
down the supply-chain. What bothers me is that walking into a Walmart
is like looking into a mirror and the entire place just reeks of
desperation. It's a if somebody put out a casting call for the most
depressing looking people and asked them to show up at Walmart every
Saturday. Every customer either least 200 pounds overweight, grossly
disfigured or pulling around 8 snot-nosed kids The smallest size
pants they have are 42 waist, every pack OT chips comes in triple size
and there isn't a single person in the vegetable section
You couldn't get this many overweight people in a room if you paid
them in Snickers bars
Saturday, April 7, 2012
good, the layout worked for me, the yard was about the right size and
the price seemed fair, I passed on it. I just felt that for that
kind of money, I shouldn't be forced to make the kinds of concessions
that I'd be forced with. The first was a lack of a true fourth
bedroom, the second was the vicinity to a major road but mostly I
couldn't come to grips with the fact that the place was zoned for
Cablevision and I just will not support anything Jim Dolan touches.
Friday, April 6, 2012
left a few months ago. I don't quite remember what they sold or did
but what they were replaced with is memorable. The awning is a
combination of NYC Taxi yellow and Devil's redthe store front is
adorned with bright lights, a large blinking neon sign hangs in the
window and a scrawling sign screams both their business model and
their name 'We Buy Gold"
I've had this conversation with my brother in law a ton of times but
wh en your seemingly normal neighborhood gets a store that advertise
they buy gold, it is time to move. Any place whose entire hope for
sucess preys on people being in despair means you will never feel
quite right walking past it
I get that there is a lot of value in precious metals and just the
concept of a store willing to buy gold shouldn't be enough to scare
you off but like a check cashing place, an OTB or a Key-Foods, it's
not a good sign for real estate value.
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, April 4, 2012
I am disturbed by people quite often..most of the time because of direct actions, other times it has more to do with something they have very little control over but most of the time I'm disturbed by myself. When I walked past a bus-stop yesterday and saw an ad for some new show staring Shannen Doherty.. now I should be disturbed by the fact I even noticed this thing or that I thought the dude in the ad looked a bit like Dylan, I may have been disturbed because I made a mental note that this was NOT on OWN but instead on WE but what really disturbed me is that I noticed she still cocks her head to the side because of that weird eye thing she's got going. I remember when she posed for Playboy, I spent more time starting at her eyes than I did her T!TS because once you know one sits at about 2 O-Clock and the other at 9 O-clock you just can't see anything else.
But this chick has to be in her mid forties, has crashed and burned more times than Lindsay Lohan yet she still doesn't have enough confidence to take a picture head-on.
I feel for her because I also have a weird eye which is why I have that deceptively ugly look going which is hard to put your finger on but I can't remember ever holding my head at a 45 degree angle when I see a camera.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Sometimes you just have one of those days.. I get up this morning at 6AM, I shower, get dressed and walk down to the car at about 6:15AM to start it up and let it get warm as I put in a car-seat and clean out some crap from the backseat. I turn the car off and go back in the house and return about 10 minutes later ready to head off. Problem is that now the car won't turn on.. I don't hear clicking sounds and am not getting any impression that the battery is dead but just when I turn the key, the lights on the dashboard turn on but nothing else happens. My first thought is a dead-battery of course but as I had just started it up 10 minutes later this doesn't seem plausible.
After some wiggling of the steering wheel it finally turns over and the engine is purring like a kitten.. of course this gets me out of my immediate bind of not getting to work on time but the bigger underlying issue remains which is that I now have a car which only starts if I press control-alt-delete.
I bring it to the dealership for service and of course as soon as I get there and explain the issue, the service guy asks me to turn it on which…..of course it does without any issue. We run through this exercise a couple more times and each time the car turns on as soon as the key is turned. I swear to him that this happened earlier in the day and he says that he'd like to keep the car overnight and try it a couple of times throughout the day.
Obviously we know how this is going to end.. this dude calling me tomorrow to say they can't find anything wrong with the car, me picking up the car and then having it stall out on me on Thursday morning so I can head back to the dealership for the same circus act again.
Monday, April 2, 2012
As frustrated as I was with cancelling my BOINGO account a few weeks ago, VONAGE trumped it today. It's as if these companies are all trying to one-up each-other in making it difficult to cancel the service. With Vonage I count 10 different attempts to thwart my effort to complete a simple cancellation transaction.
Obviously like any service, you can add any feature you want online but when it comes to cancelling service it involves an actual phone-call. (attempt #1)
There are what seems like a hundred prompts before you can cancel the service. (attempt#2)
Then they spend some time trying to scare you with things like 'if you are not the primary account-holder' than you aren't able to make any changes (attempt #3)
They then give me that they are very busy and I may want to call later and say that I'm looking at a 5 to 15 minute hold time and say that it may be longer (attempt #4)
They ask why I want to cancel the service and I tell them that I'm not using it and it's a waste of money (attempt #5) he tell me he'll fill the request and be right back
Another 3 minutes on hold (attempt #6 hoping I just hang up before the transaction is done)
They ask what service I will switch to which I told him that I'd be keeping my cell-phone (attempt #7)
He says he has to process the request and that it should be another few minutes.. Another 3 minutes on hold (attempt #8)
The guy finally comes back and tries to make another attempt to keep me with their service by offering some kind of lame freebie (attempt #9)
I cut him off saying that I'm not interested and that I'm only trying to cancel the service
He then says I have to wait on hold for another 2-3 minutes so they can process the cancellation request (attempt #10)
The entire process on the phone was 12 minutes and 41 seconds which doesn't even count the 3 or 4 minutes I spent navigating their terrible website to figure out that I can't cancel it without calling
What ever happened to being OK with "your service is fine, I just don't need it please cancel it" and let me go on with my life.. I didn't hate your company before this, I just didn't need it at this point in my life.. I would have had NO issue signing up again before this phone-call but with this difficulty I am now LESS likely to use them again.
Sunday, April 1, 2012
resolve is the act that on a sunny day, reading something on that
screen is completely impossible. It doesn't even need to be totally
clear and sunny because it's almost as if it this wing was designed
like a desktop...to be only used in doors
So forget retina display, more pixels OT whatever, somebody invent an