Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Obama is shown throwing a football in an empty stadium like he is at his very own combine and his form can only be described as "like a girl" as if would make throwing off the back foot seem correct.
His stride is ridiculously long, his hips are turned too quickly, his front hand leaves the ball too early, his weight is all in the front even before he has brought his arm back and he is holding the pigskin like it's covered in oil. I'm mean it does look better than Tim Tebow but that is not saying much as Obama has about as much of a chance of starting an NFL games does at this point as old Timmy.
This is not the picture of QB perfection we need to be throwing out there, just wait till ISIS gets a hold of this, cause they'll turn that into a pick-6
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
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Monday, September 28, 2015
Maybe it's part of their community outreach, maybe they are using it to scare away the homeless people, kind of like an invisible fence or maybe they hired the marketing firm for those cheesy girl clothing places in the mall but I find the entire thing irritating. Get off my lawn!!
Sunday, September 27, 2015
TSA guy "you can't take a grenade into the airport"
Terrorist guy. "sorry, can I mail it to myself?"
TSA guy. " sure take it down the hall next to gate 67 and mail it back to yourself and no funny business"
Terrorist "no problem buddy"
Saturday, September 26, 2015
I cover it with a bandage which is meant for a shotgun wound and make my way over to my car leaving a trail of blood from the backyard down the driveway and into the street. I have to think some detective is going to think he just broke the case of his life if he pulls onto that street this afternoon.
I go home but my foot it throbbing and I'm losing pints of blood every 30 seconds. After a while my wife suggest I go to emergicare and have them look
The nice Asian Doctor basically pukes when he unwraps the gauze from around my toe, although I am not sure if it is because of the hanging chad or the fungus outbreak. He throws some antiseptic down on the toe which I imagine is just as much for his safety as mine and starts working in there. The last words I remember are "this shouldn't hurt too bad"
I wake up 6 hours later with my foot bandaged, my ego bruised and my five hole aching
What a day.
Friday, September 25, 2015
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Thursday, September 24, 2015
This will be an interesting meeting and we will be watching
Wednesday, September 23, 2015
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Tuesday, September 22, 2015
Please somebody tell me that they are laughing all the way to the trophy case with their multiple Emmy's and I will cut the cord tonight.
Monday, September 21, 2015
**edit, looks like we put the last nail in the coffin as all reports this afternoon are that captain bald spot is dropping out, that fall was meteoric**
Sunday, September 20, 2015
Saturday, September 19, 2015
Friday, September 18, 2015
So get off your asses and shake them ladies, I'd certainly expect the male bartenders to not be able to walk in looming like the Simpson's Comic Book Guy.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Scott Walker has an incredibly asymmetrical face, his one eye sits up at 2 o'clock while the other sits down at 9 o'clock. It is very distracting
Ted Cruz. I wouldn't leave my daughter in a room with him, if I had a son I wouldn't leave him in a room with him either. this guy is a complete creep and has a Subway Jared feel to him
Jeb Bush. He seemed the same lifeless, passionless dweeb he always come across as. His marijuana admission gave him no traction, almost like he was trying to prove he was a cool kid when everybody knows that in high school guys like Trump gave him wedgies behind the lunchroom. At least his brother was probably a true cool kid with his coke induced trips.
Kasich. The guy is the only adult in the room although the entire time he looked like he had to take a leak. He couldn't stand up straight and his eyes were bloodshot, I'm afraid the best candidate might be dying in front our very eyes
Carli. Trump should have told her the truth, that her face looks like a Picasso. Can't wait for her to fire 30,000 Americans
Trump. His bravado was a bit tempered and he seems to be building some kind of budding friendship with Carson but he is still the star of the show
Carson. If Walker looks stoned, Jeb looks like he needs a 5-hour energy, Carson looks like he needs to be strapped on a gurney and given those heartattack shock pads. This guy speaks so slowly it makes my skin crawl
Christie. He should have said his code name would have been "cheeseburger". The dude is literally twice as wide as any other candidate although he did have a few moments and I love when he dukes it out with....
Rand Paul. He actually made some sense yesterday. He is right about ISIS, was right about Iraq and is 1000% right on marijuana. He is also probably 5'4" and has a shitty haircut.
Huckabee Save everybody some time and just go home
Rubio. He is so scripted it's like he is a cross between an elephant and a robot, one that needs a bottle of Poland Spring
Wednesday, September 16, 2015
What was shocking was the accompanying photo which showed a black couple standing in front of a house, an interesting tableau when calling Jeb out for painting a "dark picture".
I am not even sure what the article was about but the headline along with the photo certainly sounded like it was trying to show that Jeb Bush was making Donald Trump out to be a black man living in some 1500 square foot dump in suburban hell...and really that isn't nice because we all know The Donald wouldn't be caught dead in some prefab hellhole like this
Tuesday, September 15, 2015
I am not sure what it is but the entire idea of Facebook got so tired and from speaking to people now they all -finally- agree. Facebook is the anti-cool, it is what your mother or grandmother does, nor what your hip cousin does and that should tell you all you need to know.
Monday, September 14, 2015
1-loud patrons who talk and yell throughout the entire movie
2-the fact it costs a week salary to go
3-ex-Mayor little-nut's decision that you are not allowed to buy a large coke
But now I am convinced that there is a new reason which might get to #2 on the list. Nothing will beat out the top choice because you can't hear yourself think let alone enjoy the movie but now there is a bed-bug scare which makes the old seedy 42nd street movie seats seem sort of safe. Who the hell wants to pay $15 to go see two unfunny people like Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg try to remake a classic like Over the Top and now have a risk of not just wasting two hours of your life but getting the crabs all over your body??
Time to shut the entire Times Square thing down.
Sunday, September 13, 2015
Saturday, September 12, 2015
Sally "coach, half of us a girls?"
Coach. "Never admit that out loud you sally. Now, our first rule will be that this game is referred to by only one name, fùtbol, if you refer to it as anything else you are a sham and you can take your pink cleats and go join the ballet.
The second rule is that you will refer to me as "sir" or "coach sir". Anything else will result in 25 deep squats. Am I clear?
Team "Yes sir"
Coach. "Good. Now, I want to warn you that this is not some lame participation league where kids get a trophy for picking daisies. We are here for one thing and one thing only...to win. Anything less is unacceptable and will not be tolerated out of you fairies"
Jane. "So we don't get a trophy?"
Coach. "You are a bright one, We will push you harder than you've ever been pushed, you will run more than you ever have before and you will not stop until your body gives out. Somebody once said it doesn't matter whether you win or lose, that somebody was a loser.
Billy. But my dad says that the game should be fun "
Coach "I don't know if you have ever lost but it sucks, there are no smiles on the losers sideline, no jokes, no fun. If you want to get a trophy for playing then go play tag or dolls because that is not this. We will make you into a lean, mean soccer machine"
Mandy " I thought it was Fùtbol?"
Coach. "Drop down and give me 50 push-ups and none of those girly push-ups with your knees on the ground and your ass way up on the air.
Now, where were we? Yes the goal is winning, and the way we win is to outwork, out-hustle, out practice and out-smart the opponent. Sadly you guys don't look like a real bunch of athletes but we'll change that. First we will do 10 wind-sprints, then 50 push-ups, 100 crunches and 50 deep knee bends, the one who finishes last can take their cleats and trade them in for ballet slippers because obviously this is not for you"
Joey. "Wait I thought this was chess club"
Coach. "Get out of here you pansy, The goal is to kick a ball into a goal and beat the opponent which serves as a great analogy for life, winners beat losers and unless you want to be a loser, you better figure out how to win.
Anybody shows up in jeans or pants can go right over to OfficeMax and get a job there because you have no future."
Debra. "Will we all get to play in the game?"
Coach. "No this is the real world you communist, we play to win and only our best players will play in the game.. If you want to play at your skill level join the town rec league"
Curtis. I thought this was the town rec league?"
Coach: "time for you to go back and sit on mommy's lap mama's boy"
Betsy "can I get some water"
Coach "We do not believe in piss breaks or water breaks, hydration will be a reward for hard work not an excuse to avoid it. If you want to play with your water bottles I suggest you go to the splash park and leave space on this team for kids with heart..now bring it in"
Friday, September 11, 2015
Today we bow our heads, bow them for those who have lost their lives but know that they will never be forgotten and nobody has left a bigger impression on us than one Johnathan Southworth Ritter, the original king of comedy.. He made us laugh, he made us cry, he made us forget that being a homosexual was supposed to be frowned upon but he always made us smile. Living with two women who pranced around in tight shirts and short shorts could not have been easy for young Jack as he tried to keep it in (his pants) but somehow he always made the best of it even if that meant breaking up the original threesome for a different –slightly worse- threesome and then breaking up that group for an even worse combination. Because nothing was more brilliant than Jack and Janet and Christmas Snow and the Ropers and the Larry all drinking at the Regal Beagle.. Christ that was fun
We'll never forget buddy..
Thursday, September 10, 2015
People Judge Me Because I'm Pretty(http://www.cosmopolitan.com/lifestyle/a45917/people-judge-me-because-im-pretty/)
I'm a girly girl. I'm 5-foot-5 with blonde hair, big hazel eyes, 34DDs, and toned calves. You can typically find me in heels and a dress or a skirt. You can also find me glaring at sleazy subway passengers and sidewalk catcallers who think it's going to benefit them to call me "babe" or that it's clever to say, "The things I would do to you, honey," at all hours of the day. Cut to me dumping the rest of a scalding hot espresso down my throat and putting on my biggest ***** face until I reach my destination.......It also shows that I demand to be respected, both my body and my mind, because believe it or not, there's more to me than just my looks.
Follow Felicia on Instagram.
I get that this chick thinks she's the second coming of Pamela Anderson but as has been pointed out repeatedly her face looks more like Steve Buscemi meets that Very Hungry Caterpillar. She has horrible eyebrows, no upper lip, terrible hair, horrendous makeup and looks like she popped about fifteen quaaludes but wait she has big cans so she (thinks) she must be hot
What is most interesting is that a chick who complains that people are only interested in her (stunning) looks asks you to follow her on Instagram.
It really does give some insight on a chick forget what you look like, as long as you have a big chest you can convince yourself you are smoking hot.
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Wednesday, September 9, 2015
Tuesday, September 8, 2015
Monday, September 7, 2015
Fire her for insubordination, dock her pay, put a bad review in her personnel file but let her walk out and crawl back into her miserable hole
Sunday, September 6, 2015
God baseball is the worst, they can't get out of their own way even when things are going well because, thy are stuck between thinking they are a sport and realizing they are just a skill.
Baseball does everything wrong: the game is boring, there are too many pitching changes, they now rely on sabermetrics which are idiotic, the games are too long and now they allow agents to dictate how pitchers should be used.
A few years ago the Nationals shut down Stephen Strasburg because of his agent and now the same idiot is jumping in and telling the Mets that they can't pitch Matt Harvey more than 180 innings even if that means sitting out the playoffs an a serious World Series run, something Met fans have been waiting for since before most of them had hair in hair on their nuts.
This is the hypocrisy of Matt Harvey, he gets credit for being a bulldog yet his daddy won't let him get his arm sore, he claims to be a grinder yet when the pennant chase is on he gets his agent to threaten to shut him down and he gets credit for being the ace of the staff although deGrom is better and now he is threatening to sit out the postseason. Some people will blame Boras but I don't, he works for Harvey and he tells the media what Harvey and his daddy want to get out there. If Harvey changes his mind he'll come across as some kind of Willis Reed hero, which is completely unfounded as it's a 'crisis' that he himself manufactured
If MLB had any balls they'd tell Scott Boras and all of his cronies to get the hell out of the way and let baseball players be baseball players. I wasn't alive but I have to think Bob Gibson would have pegged his manager, agent or anybody else who dare take him out of a playoff game, Cy Young lost more games than most other pitchers actually pitches and Sandy Koufax pitched a gem on 2 days rest in the playoffs because of Yom Kippur. Those guys are grinders, ballers and bulldogs, Matt Harvey is a chihuahua carried around in his daddy's purse
Saturday, September 5, 2015
I've had a couple of pillow fights in my life and I can see how they can get out of hand, out of hand when you are trying to do it with a bunch of hot coeds but when you start stuffing your pillow with helmets to try to inflict brain damage to your fellow classmates, I think the "right of passage" might have gone just a bit too far
Friday, September 4, 2015
The reason that it had been that clear 7 years ago was well documented, factories had been shut down, cars were pulled off the road and coal fired power plants were shuttered for months in anticipation of the Olympics, which were to be China's showcase to the world on how far it had come. They were ultimately successful as world class athletes set world records and the festivities and pomp and circumstance were applauded worldwide
But it was not to last and when I was back in China six months later, the skies were back to being Beijing grey, a color palate you should be able to find on MS Paint. China went back to business as usual as the cameras stopped rolling but TOR did not stop observing
Well this month was another surprisingly blue sky and now I know why. First I assumed it was for the world championship in track and field,the first time that Usain Bolt would be back in The Birdsnest but later I realized it as bigger than that. China was putting on a massive parade to commemorate the end of The Great War against Fascism and they wanted to have a blue sky for the tableau.
Well they once again shut down factories, pulled cars off the road, shot chemicals in the air and closed the coal firing power plants and within a few weeks accomplished their goal. The skies were blue for the big parade and China got to showcase their impressiveness for the world to see but we remain skeptical that it is anything other than show and tell.
Thursday, September 3, 2015
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Wednesday, September 2, 2015
Google is the new Microsoft
Tuesday, September 1, 2015
I got notification from LinkedIn about a bunch of new skills that people added: one buddy is now proficient at air-drumming, another is now also practicing criminal law, a third was endorsed for a new skill and another got a fancy new title. It was all mundane and boring and not enough for me to pay much attention to, but the one update that caught my eye was the hostage photo one buddy posted this week.