Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Take on AT&T

When a multinational company sends you a survey, what exactly is the
point. These companies must know the suck, what exactly are they
hoping for.
Here is a quick rundown

- you are the most expensive option on the market
- everytime we try to change anything you try to trick us out of the
unlimited data plan, when that doesn't work you try to strong arm us
- there are dead zones over Manhattan which cover entire
neighborhoods, even some good ones
- my phone drops 2 out of every 5 calls and since I make about five
calls per month that blows
- when I call to add a service, it takes an hour of automated options,
none of which meet my needs and then I am still forced to talk to
somebody
- your bill has so many hidden fees, it's like an Easter Egg hunt
except instead of a big piece of chocolate, I get the equivalent of
somebody clogging my toilet

So, yes I will happily fill out your survey, hope you except four letter words

Monday, September 29, 2014

Take on Dutch Eyewear

Can somebody explain to me why Dutch men insist on wearings women's
glasses? Even though people consider Europe to be the cradle of
fashion, there is no place where style comes crashing into a heap of
cheese and raw fish like Holland and nothing is worse than the eyewear
men don. They are always red or green or yellow and then extremely
thin framed or ridiculously thick framed and always look too big or
too small on the guy's head which considering how big theirs heads
are, isn't that surprising

Every dude looks like he is channeling his inner Sally Jessie because
apparently dressing like a menopausal 60 year old woman is something
for a 6'3" dude to emulate.

Sunday, September 28, 2014

Take on the terribly dressed passenger

Other day at the airport, another example of a passenger who looks
like they could pass for the McDonalds mascot. I get that you want to
be comfortable but a blue shirt and green pants?? The only thing you
are missing are oversized shoes and a big red nose.
I can't say I am surprised being that I'm flying to Amsterdam the
capital of no-style but maybe instead of spending billions on security
the FSA should look at some of this clothing terrorism going around
terminal B at Newark airport

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Take on the verified twitter account

Just this week I stumbled across the name of some dude who I never
heard of, with 441 followers, zero tweets and a little blue checkmark.
I. still do not get the criteria for getting the little blue checkmark
next to your name on Twitter and this confirmed it again. I mean I
get it for Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake or John Rocker but how
does a low level celebrity get Twitter to verify them, I was on a CBS
news segment once but nobody has put a star next to me, I am who I say
I am so what is the criteria??

Friday, September 26, 2014

Take on Jeter's happy ending

For twenty years he did everything right whether it came to big hits,
clutch fielding, unflappable poise or staying out of the spotlight off
the field, so nobody could have been surprised that Jeter penned the
perfect ending to an almost flawless career.
Obviously we all know that David Robertson grooves a couple of pitches
to give The Captain one more time to shine, why else would Girardi not
pulled Jeter in the middle of the inning so he could get one more
standing ovation. We also know that Selif allowed the Yankees to
pull a rare double switch to make sure Jeter got up at just the right
time and we all know that the single we a total meatball but when you
are the face of a generation, playing for the biggest team on the
biggest stage, you get to write your own fairy tale ending.
The only thing better would have been if that single bounced around
the outfield and he got himself an inside the park homerun and
literally ended by sliding his little Louisville slugger into the
waiting grasp of Jessica Alba at home-plate

Here's to you Derek you did it better and with hotter chicks than
anybody before or after

Yeah Jeets!!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Take on Cam Newton's outfit

We heard our fans and want to offer a heartfelt apology. You come to
TOR daily for exactly the kind of story we missed this week, and for
that we apologize: But every apology we may owe you pails in
comparison to the apology that Cam Newton owes us all after showing up
at his post game press conference this past weekend dressed like a 60
year old woman. Great players leave everything on the field, in this
case Newton should have left something in the locker room
Cam Newton showed up wearing capri pants, loafers without socks and a
lavender blazer....after an NFL game. This is an outfit you'd see on
the street on the the upper east side and you would think it would
look bad on her. Forget how badly he's played, that outfit is the
most atrocious thing we've seen out of young Cam and there is no
excuse for it.
We debated at the TOR editorial naked round table last night over fra
diavolo and porterhouse whether Newton was wearing a shirt underneath
the lavender blazer or if he just said F'it and went with fish-nets.
There is no good reason why any person, especially a straight man
should ever dress like this.

So maybe this was Cam's coming out moment, the Media went gaga over
Michael Sam and deservedly so ...but he hasn't exactly, you know,
played an actual NFL football game. If this was Cam's Sam moment, we
applaud him for his strength and courage and hope it leads to more
people coming out but Cam next time do us a favor and go on with
Barbara Walters and don't subject us to this.

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Take on Mass Transit hell

There are a lot of things we do right in this city, mass transit is
not one of them. The fact that it routinely takes 2 hours to travel
20 miles into NYC using public transportation should tell you how ass
backwards it is. The bridges and tunnels can't handle the traffic to
get into the city, the infrastructure of the buildings when you
finally get there are worthless relics, the construction is endless
and the results are meaningless and the only constant is that millions
of people find that there is no way to get to work in any reasonable
amount of time. This is the reason that you swallow hard and against
your better judgement, your hope to keep carbon emissions down and the
desire to keep some money in your pocket, you just realize that
driving is best.

How ridiculous is it that in 2014 the best option to get into this
city is still driving? Yes, you might sit in traffic and it may coat
you double but it is twice as fast as any form of mass transit from
northern jersey

When other major cities across this globe have invested heavily in
mass transit options, New York decided it was better to build baseball
stadiums and basketball arenas

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Take on random facts

I like the random facts as much as anybody but sometimes I get one
across my screen while taking a dump and feel like puking like the one
about women who can poop out of their vaginas or dudes who can contort
their penises like balloon animals. But what really bothers me is
how this stuff is verified. I mean, I now need to know if this is
true but with the TSA watching, do I want to be caught googling vagina
shitters, I think not.

Monday, September 22, 2014

Take on the horsedrawn carriage

There is a bit argument going on between the mayor's office and the
guys who ride the horses around Central Park pinning the wieny animal
loving liberals against the hard working small businessmen. There
really is no good reason why we would get rid of the horses as they
bring jobs, attract tourists and cover up the smell of the homeless
epidemic. They are majestic regal beasts who allow a small girl to
dream about being swept off their feet by a royal prince

But with all of this...I still think they need to get rid of these
filthy animals because they cause a ridiculous traffic jam and I am
trying to get home

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Take on the jersey return

The new thing in the NFL is that when their star player does something
inexcusable, their team sets a day when their fans can return the
jersey of the embattled star in exchange for another player. The
Patriots did this with Aaron Hernandez last year and this week the
Ravens had event to allow fans to exchange their Ray Rice jerseys for
a bunch of new ones. Ironically enough the same amount of Joe Flacco
jerseys showed up on Ebay just a few minutes after the event.
The one question we have is what happens to those thousands of
jerseys?? Burning them in a big bonfire seems to be a decent
destination but something tells me that Steve Bisciotti isn't going to
just lose money on them and at minimum wants a tax deduction, so
there'll be a bunch of kids in the Sudan wearing Rice jersey's next
year


Any chance the Jets will exchange my Mark Sanchez jersey for a couple
of beer holders

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Take in the return

How come I can return a 48" TV at BestBuy in 3 minutes but returning a
$2.99 pack of kid's juice boxes at A&P is like giving away your first
born? I was at the store today and the amount hoops you have to jump
through is ridiculous. You need the receipt, the credit card, a
reason to return it, a drivers license plus a phone number just to
send it back, it is ridiculous

Remind me to never return anything ever again!!!

Friday, September 19, 2014

take on the Jaguars

I was watching some NFL highlights the other day and when it got to the Skins vs Jags game from afar and with these new two-tiered colored helmets I thought it was a pro-bowl highlight which is ironic being that..well, it's the Jaguars.    If you have two players standing next to each other one facing towards you and the other away, it looks like they are wearing the same jersey and pants put two different helmets with the black front and the gold back.    I know there is this new trend towards new (or retro) uniforms but these things look like they are trying to bring back the USFL, which in itself would be cool if (again) they weren't the terrible Jags..  


Truthfully, how that team continues to send Chad Henne out there is a complete embarrassment and Goodell should immediately investigate that entire organization as they are so obviously trying a Cleveland Indians type of scheme to get out of the nasty pond down in Florida and off to the sunny silicon infested beaches of Southern California…


Who knows maybe they get to Cecil Shorts to be Jake Taylor, Chad Henne to play like Eddie Harris, Allen Hurns can be Willy Mays Hayes, they bring back Fragile Fred to be Dorn and get Justin Blackmon  into a 99 jersey and they turn this thing around..otherwise welcome the LA Cougars 

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Take on the guy on a scooter going to work

I am not sure if there is anything more ridiculous than a fully grown
man riding a scooter to work in a shirt and tie. I get that you have
to find ways to beat the congestion, but come on man, have some self
respect. Get a foldable bike, a Vespa or just a good pair of shoes
but these Razor things were lame a decade ago and haven't improved

What is next, you take a tricycle with a bunch of frilly things having
off the handles to the opera??

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Take on the Jeter farewell tour

I love Derek Jeter as a baseball player, he has always played the game
the "right" way and will go down in history as one of the best mostly
because of his "clutch" play, great "leadership" with an ability to
always "be in the right place" and renaming completely unflappable on
the "biggest stage". He lead the league in hits and runs scored a
bunch of times and should have had one MVP (1999) and possibly a
second one (2006) but he'll always lead the league in unquantifiable
hyperbole and description you have to put quotes around. He will go
down as the 6th career leader in hits, (3450) 10th in runs scored,
1st in celebrities bedded (Mariah, Alba, Johansson, Minka, Adrianna,
Biel and Minnillo), 1st in postseason hits (200), runs (111),
doubles(32) and triples (5) plus 3rd in postseason homeruns(20) and
fourth in RBI (61)

He has has a great career but these farewell tours are lame. At
every stadium he goes to they give him some lame gift like cowboy
boots or a kayak or a little pony and he stands there an hour before
the game awkwardly smiling and taking a bunch of photos with another
team's owner. What annoys me is that not one team has he balls to
say "screw that, why should we give this ahole anything??" He didn't
do anything for your franchise, he did nothing for your city except
maybe break a few hearts and except for a few female fans who got a
gift that will keep on giving plus a gift bag with a few signed balls,
he should not be honored by your organization.
As a Jets fan, I don't want them to give Tom Brady a Fireman Ed
Jersey, Peyton Manning a snow globe or Stevie Johnson a beach chair
for his spot on the island. I want them to do nothing and then beat
the living crap out of them when the whistle blows. Let other teams
swoon over your superstar, I'm not doing it.

He might be a good dude with his unflappable demeanor and heroics and
notches on his bed post but this entire retirement tour is an
embarrassment.


Yeah Jeets!!!


Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

take on Boomer and Cartoon

For years I'd tell you that Boomer and Carton was the worst show on radio, but over the last few months I've started to appreciate them a lot more.   I was in the car this morning and listened to their interview with Gary Sheffield and I kid you not when I say that this was maybe the best interview I've ever heard on talk-radio.   Maybe it's the fact that Boomer is a former jock and people can relate to him but I think most of the credit goes to Carton who is able to break down the walls these guys have with his ridiculousness.   Although half the time he acts like a total fool, when he actually makes a point he makes a great one.

 

Just a quick breakdown of today's interview..Sheffield is always a pretty candid interview but the detail they went into when it came to some issues was amazing..  The best shock-jock interviewers like Don Imus and Howard Stern have always been able to get more out of their guests than just about anybody because they aren't intimidated by them and are able to go head-to-head with them..

 

Few things they discussed

 

*child discipline..  They asked him about ADP and what his opinion was, it'd be easy for Sheffield to knock ADP but basically said that he didn't judge how other people raised their kids..  he also admitted to going to his closet for a belt for his kids, his youngest one is 6

 

*Gooden.. talked a lot about what it was like for him when Gooden was in his downward spiral.    Gooden is Sheffield's uncle but is only a few years older than him so probably was more like a cousin or uncle to him.. Just the thought of a kid looking up to his world-class athlete uncle and then becoming a star in his own right is pretty amazing

 

* ARod would change out of sight in the video room, seems like he was a total aloof goof

 

*Joe Torre.. Sheffield has no respect for him as a manager because he moved Sheffield down to the 5 hole after they got ARod to hit 3rd.. he showed Torre the stats about why he was the better option and Torre still batted ARod third.  Told Torre that he was going to show him how good he was and hit two homeruns that day, Torre kept him in the 5 hole..

 

*The Mets.. about his last days when he was hitting .300 and was leading the team in RBI and HR's but they wanted to go a different direction with Reyes, Beltran and Wright.. Sheffield felt like he could have been given a chance to succeed, basically called the entire organization a bunch of no-nothing clowns.

 

*the other thing that was interesting was that when they were kids, he had to catch Gooden because nobody else was able to  (or too scared to).. that's how he became a LL catcher and why he played that position in the Little League World Series.   What was cool was that when Carton asked him about catching Gooden when he was a kid and whether he was throwing in the 90's, Sheffield easily could have said that he was but he didn't bite and said that he was probably only throwing in the low 80's at that point but that as a small kid (9 years old or something) it was still ridiculously hard.

 

*he complained a lot about people assuming that he was into drugs like Gooden but swears he has never touched any of it, including alcohol.

 

but the best story was about the locker-room stuff..  he hated showering with Greg Maddux because he would rub his penis up against teammates and pee on them..




full interview can be found here:  

Monday, September 15, 2014

Take on the Home Depot/Mac Windows

Who knew that getting a screen door installed would be such a process.
We went to Home Depot in June and picked an Anderson Windows one out
with the understanding that we'd have it installed within a few days.
First thing that happens is that Home Depot comes out to measure our
door and as luck would have it, the standard screen door of 36 inches
wide doesn't fit in our 35 inch doorway. This of course sucks because
it turns a $250 door and turns it into a $450 one even though if am
getting 1 inch less of door. Even if that isn't a big enough kick in
the nards, a custom door also takes a few weeks to make as opposed to
a few days to deliver, I'm starting to get nervous that I will not
have a screen door until July.. A few weeks later I get a call from
the friendly but half-dead sales guy and told that my door is in and
that the installation folks will reach out to me shortly

I get a call a few days later and told from the installers, Mac
Windows l, that the first availability for my door installation would
be at the end of August. Great, my summer door will be ready just in
time to store it for the winter. I complain to the service rep who
seems shocked that somebody who has paid for a door would
actually..you know...want to have it installed. I tell her that they
obviously can't handle the workload that Home Depot gives them. to
which she responds that they can. Well if you can then why the hell
would it take 2 months to install a basic door?? I'm instructed to
complain to Home Depot who in turn tells me to take my complaint back
to Mac Windows who tells me to go back to Home Depot. This little
salsa routine goes on for three phone-calls to the point where I think
I may look at my calendar and find out that it's August already

Two months later some dude shows up and installs the door about as
well as I would have myself. He puts the frame in upside down so
there is no way to get the dead-bolt into the hole which is ok since
he didn't install a deadbolt anyway. He then drills through my door
frame which he doesn't cover up or apologize for but just shrugs off.
Then instead of putting in the bottom sweeper thing, he leaves it
hanging out looking like a used rubber.

So my frame is in upside down, I have no dead bolt, there are acres
poking out the frame, the rubber sweeper thing is laying on the floor,
plus the front stoop is littered with saw dust, metal shavings and a
bunch crews (hope those aren't important). I call to complain and of
course am told to contact Mac Windows who then says to take it up with
The Home Depot.

At least this isn't the kid of thing that : notice.. oh wait a second,
it stares me right in my face every time I open the door.

Thanks Home Depot and Mac Windows, nothing like coming to my house,
charging me twice what I was told, screwing up the job and then
leaving a huge mess.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Take on Illegal Contact


In the NFL you at better off hitting your spouse than touching a receiver.
Nothing makes that more obvious than the new NFL interpretation of
illegal contact which is just ridiculous. Two weeks into the 2014
season and I've seen a dozen calls made downfield which were just
ludicrous. Today in the giant-cardinal game, Eli lost a fumble which
looked like it would be a huge momentum changer but instead it got
called back because of Jerraud Powers's left pinky nail touched Victor
Cruz's right shoelace. I get that the NFL is all about offense and
that is all they want to promote and and will hide it under the
"trying to protect our players" mantra but this is getting ridiculous.
These penalties often have nothing to do with the play and are only
keeping offensive drives alive which are otherwise just offensive and
should be put down.

I get the head hunting stuff but come-on, when a corner back get
stripped of any opportunity to play defense, what is the point.
Time to put flags on them and call it a day

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Take on The Guy Getting Screwed

The NFL and the NFLPA are close to a deal rewriting their drug policy which will, in part, increase the amount of weed in the body to be considered a failed test.   In part of the negotiations, players presently suspended could have their sentences lifted or even thrown out all together based on the new rules.   
One thing that continues to bother us is that the threshold for marijuana will increase from 0.15 mg per something to 0.35 mg per something which would have meant that Josh Gordon would NOT have failed the latest drug test since he pissed a 0.17 mg per something.  But in this negotiation he won't get his suspension thrown out, just decreased from the mandatory one year suspension for a fourth offense to only 10 games for a fourth time offender.  The issue is that using the new guidelines he would not have been guilty, so I don't quite understand why he would have to serve anything.  Wes Welker is going to get off because they will requalify  the drug he took to something that is recreational.   He was guilty under the old rules by under the new rules he is not. 

Then again it would involve Roger Goodell actually doing something right which we know is impossible.  

#FreeGordon



Sent from my iPhone

Friday, September 12, 2014

Take on the airport dress code

When you spend a lot of time in an airport you spend a lot of time
people watching and I always wonder why people dress the way they do
when they are there. It's like people's sense of style completely
goes out the window and they decide that dressing horribly shouldn't
matter only because they have to take their shoes off. You see more
sweatpants than a strip-club, more sandals than a beach and more
stained sweatshirts than a college cafeteria. I get needing to be
comfortable for a flight across the ocean, but when you are going from
Detroit to LaGuardia it's not any difference than sitting on a
commuter bus to the city, it's an hour flight.

I wonder what the hell people do when they get to their destination,
because between the stained tshirts, fishermen vests and dirty shorts
they all look like they are homeless add to that the handful of chicks
in hoochie skirts and 4 inch heels and the entire place looks like a
meth clinic

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Take on a day we'll never forget

Just over a decade ago we experienced a loss that was unexplainable,
the hurt was endless, the desperation we felt limitless and the amount
we cried was bucket-loads. On September 11th we lost a real American,
a hero to the working man, the reason we smiled, the reason we laughed
and the reason we were able to forget. Maybe it was flipping over a
couch, maybe it was falling out of a hammock or maybe it was getting
hit by the swinging kitchen door but we always laughed. We cried when
you finally came clean to RF in that ice cooler and we felt a loss
when you finally hit the lights that very last time. Larry was
great, Chrissy and Janet and Terry and Cindy were wonderful, Stanley
was awesome and RF was the best but you were that show

We miss you and love you and tonight we will do a shot of a Jack
through a mix straw in your honor.

#NeverForget

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Take on the trade show

There really is nothing better for your business and worse for your
back than a tradeshow. It is a week walking around seeing a hundred
customers and potential customers contained in one spot with everybody
there to conduct business on a mostly casual level. The problem is
that these big convention spaces are 600,000 square feet of poured
concrete and after walking around all day with a huge bag of brochures
and giveaways your back feels like the dude who sat next to you on the
flight over sat on your back instead of spilling out of his own seat.
Standing around tethered to one spot talking shop is exhausting in
itself but the abuse your feet and back take is beyond brutal. I
need some Dr. Scholl's

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Take on the dude asking up two seats

I get it, you like to eat and you were born from a family who does and
you have big bones and you are actually healthy and that isn't mustard
on your shirt and you are probably just bloated from too many orange
juices but really is it fair that you pay for one seat and take up one
and a half?

There is nothing more aggravating than having some dude put his gut on
your lap when flying coach. You can try to fold your arms to contain
it but at some point we all know you are going to give up and I will
look like I'm imitating Atlas for the rest of the flight

It's not just an inconvenience but after two coffees, that huge gut is
now pressing against my bladder and I am about to piss myself. I'd
ask you to get up but every time you move the stupid small regional
jet shakes and you need to use every seat back in the rows around you
to even hoist yourself out of seat 8B.
Please do me a favor and the next time you need to fly to the Midwest,
see if they'll allow you to fly cargo, it might even save you a few
bucks.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Take on Ray Rice

TMZ released the Ray Rice video today and for the first time in
regards to this case the NFL and the Ravens did the right thing. They
all tried to ignore the fact that Rice nearly killed his then-fiancé
initially when they gave him a slap on the wrist two game suspension
but as the chorus of critics for louder, Roger Goodel finally
acknowledged that he had woefully underestimated the public outcry and
set new rules against domestic violence. The issue though was that
although future punishments were going to be harsh (6 game suspension
with the first offense, indefinite suspension with the second) Rice
was going to basically skate.
Then the video emerged and it was every bit as brutal as was expected
and within hours the Ravens cut him and the NFL suspended him
indefinitely.
This is what bothers us.. What about that video changed the NFL's
mind, previous released videos showed Rice entering an elevator and
then pulling the lifeless body of a woman out. The NFL said it did a
thorough investigation but said it had not seen this TMZ video which
we find hard to believe. The NFL has billions of dollars, if it
wanted to get the video it would have but I don't think they wanted
to. What also bothers us is that they now claim with this new
evidence that everything changed after seeing it. what did the hell
did they think happened in that elevators?? Did they assume Rice
dropped her while practicing a salsa twirl?? Did they think she
slipped on ice? Did they think her own fist hit her face??
The NFL only got serious about this when the chorus became a deafening
roar. The Ravens who just put up a statue of a double murderer have
no credibility at all and to think they did this with anything but
their pocketbooks in mind is foolish.


#FreeGordon

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Take on Sportsline

There are a few things that you can bet the house on on the first
Sunday of September. The Browns losing, the new CBS pregame show
sucking and Sportsline crapping out. Millions of people use
Sportsline to check their fantasy scores and every year in week 1 of
the NFL, their site crashes. You'd think with people spending hundred
of dollars to have Sportsline host their leagues, they'd finally
upgrade from their hamster-in-a-wheel servers but then again.. why
should they? We'll all forget and then shell out $129 next year.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Take on the unread message icon

There is nothing I find more stressful than looking at somebody's
phone and seeing thousands of unread messages. I know it shouldn't
bother me but handing me any phone with
thousands of unread messages is like handing somebody a pair of
scissors, blade side out.  If on my own phone I even have even one unopened message I have
this insane OCD need to clear it. I don't care if it is an email for
work, an email forward from aunt, a confirmation of my online order or spam, just the little
red icon above the envelope is enough to basically put me into
hyperventilation mode.
So do me a solid and don't hand me your phone with 10,000
unread messages cause the next time you do! I will open each one for you and reply-all a picture of my sack to each and every one of them.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Take on the G-train

The MTA has been touting the return of the G-train saying it will be
great which comes across as genuine as saying you actually enjoy
listening to Dream Theater. The G train has long been the red-headed
step child of the subway system, like the the guy who shows up with a
goatee a full decade after it was sort of cool with his cell-phone in
one of those holders latched to his belt, size 13 turquoise Nikes,
ray-bans parked on his head while sporting a polo all year round, this
train is as outdated as a big domed baseball cap. It is the only
regular train which doesn't even make it into Manhattan for a split
second. Any train whose main thoroughfare runs queens to Brooklyn
with the only intention to bring people to a bigger hub should be
called exactly what it is..a bus. This crap train has been around
forever and I'd venture to guess that 99% of the people who travel on
the NYC subway have ever stepped foot in it.

At least it doesn't have any (reported) bed bugs.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Take on the Columbus Circle Station style gates

Has anybody noticed the huge cattle gates all over the platform on the
59th street station? I don't quite know what the purposes is because
they have them in the center platform which isn't used by anything
other than huge rats but I guess they have decided to herd commuters
through that platform to make their hellish commute that much worse.
Are they afraid that people can't stay away from the platform edges
and may trip or is it an a to suicide prevention thing which seems
idiotic since you could just as easily jump in front of a D train on
the other platform or even (wait for it) jump the fence

Either way they have somehow made a claustrophobic situation feel even
more so, thanks MTA

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Take on Jim Irsay

The loudest noise we heard about Jim Irsay's suspension was a
collective yawn. After an off-season of turmoil, mistakes, criticism
and indecisiveness, the NFL wrapped up their punishment with a
$500,000 fine and six game suspension for Colts owner Jim Irsay. We
get that they are trying to send a message that all people associated
with the league will be dealt with swiftly and strongly especially
after the absurdly weak Ray Rice punishment but to think that
suspending an owner has any impact to the team is ludicrous and the
fact we are even talking about it is comical. You can also a fine on
a multimillionaire and suspend him for a month and a half but it has
no effect on the product on the field. When an owner does it right,
he does one things, pay the checks and then sit up in his box drinking
champagne while looking at his herd. When an owner does it wrong he
meddles, interferes, second guesses and disrupts his football people
and only causes more turmoil then it is worth (see Jones, Jerry and
Johnson, Woody). This is probably a blessing for the Colts as this
punishment will hopefully muzzle the drunk for long enough to get the
team onto a solid start and let the focus be on Andrew Luck and Chuck
Pagano and not on Irsay's wacky tweets. Who knows, maybe Trent
Richardson will finally break that 3.0ypc barrier.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Take on Obama's hair

When Bill Clinton took office his hair was brown, he left and it was totally white.. Junior Bush looked like he aged 50 years in the 8 years he took office and Obama has gone from a young vibrant looking junior senator to an old man in 6+ years. The dude is 53, keeps in great shape and looks like he's 90.   I know this is the most stressful job in the world and the Commander in Chief's hair color has often been chronicled but it seems like Obama's hair color has taken a straight dive down in the last six months basically as Iraq as completely unraveled, Israel turned into a huge clusterf*ck and he can't get his head out of his ass about Ukraine.
I know that a little Just for Men is out of the question because it will look vain and callous in the time when the world and his international policy in a complete tailspin.  The grey probably makes him look a bit more stately and might take some attention away from those dumbo ears but what he could do is do a bit of touch-up, let the difference be subtle and get back to looking like you aren't one foot in the grave and a raging lunatic



Monday, September 1, 2014

Take on the nude celebrity pics

Last night a rumor started circulating that a cache of new celebrity
nudes were being released. Apparently some hacker got a bunch of
stuff by breaking into their iCloud accounts and the internet went
nuts. The trove includes Ariana Grande, Jennifer Lawrence, Hope Solo,
Kristin Dunst amongst otters but the real prize was the Kate Upton
files showing her in the 7th inning stretch with CyYoung Award winner
Justin Verlander. I love leaked nudes as much as anyone but when you
see a celebrity having her boyfriend blow his wad all over her back
and photograph it is a different story all together


Oh and because you people are perverts, here is a list

http://www.reddit.com/over18?dest=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2FTheFappening%2Fcomments%2F2f44n0%2Fnew_celeb_leaked_pics_all_in_one_place%2F