Sunday, July 31, 2016
We land in Detroit at about 9pm and by the time we are at the gate it is 9:30 and the airport is basically dark. There are no other incoming international flights this late, so immigration is a breeze but 9:30pm also meant that there are no other outbound flights for the night. Imagine an A340 worth of people who have now sat on a 14 hour flight after having sat on the Tarmac for 3 1/2 additional hours after having gotten to the airport two and a half hours early flooding into Detroit with no connections.
The entire place is zoo as everybody is forced onto flights the next morning but it still means we need a place to crash.
Luckily, as a Platinum Medallion Delta member they get me a hotel directly in the airport while they force the rest of the herd to some Comfort Inn about 7 miles off the airport. I get to the hotel and there is a line of 1000 people in front of me with similar issues. Every schmuck is there because they missed a connection our of DesMoines or Portland or Beijing, nobody is at the airport hotel on a Saturday night at 11pm because they want to be there and they are severely understaffed. I grab an $18 burger and two IPA's and crash hard, my first decent night sleep in a week till I'm jarred awake by my alarm at 6am and now on Sunday morning, I am back at the airport again. Welcome home
Saturday, July 30, 2016
Friday, July 29, 2016
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Thursday, July 28, 2016
They have built roads and rails and airports and now are just awaiting them to be used, and they will, sometime. But until then it's a sad empty landscape of concrete and glass which if there wasn't so much smog, you might actually be able to see
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
I walked into a restaurant today and was greeted by the sight of a dead chicken hanging in the window is always incredibly appetizing, especially when it is 107 degrees outside. When we cook chicken at home, my wife busts out the hazmat suits and anything that the chicken touches gets disinfected with rubbing alcohol and a blowtorch but in China they don't even bother to refrigerate the thing and I doubt the wash their hands before they touch it let alone after they handle it.
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Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Congrats NYT, your readership doesn't need to be convinced to not vote for Trump since they are, by definition, NYT readers but now they are all culprits in the obsession with him because they keep laying out the cash to pay for the paper
Monday, July 25, 2016
First of all after landing in Shanghai for a connection to the heart of China is ludicrous. They literally make you leave the airport in order to check back in. Their concept of a "transfer station" is to get you to the sidewalk with the taxi line and then have to go up three floors to check back in. This is with all your bags after a 14 hour flight in the 100 degree heat.
When you finally get to the check in station, you see why this is still a communist country. It's not political statement, it's just that their concept of VIP means nothing. The service takes forever, they don't have an English speaking person anywhere in the section and they tell you the lounge will be a 25 minute walk to the gate which makes the entire experience about as pleasant as eating gizzard. But what is most telling is that their red carpet looks like the rug of an abandoned crack house. It has rips and cuts and stains and looks like it hasn't been washed ever. I don't care and don't need my feet to walk on rose pedals but what it is, if nothing else, is telling. You are no better than anybody else.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Also, connecting in China is never easy so we hope to keep the TOR streak alive, we'll blog it every day but realize that we might be a few days late in posting if my VPN doesn't work like it should
Saturday, July 23, 2016
The other thing that we've learned is that, unlike two decades ago, they actually go on on-time which is blessing for a bunch of 40 year old dad's who have kid duty obligations in the morning.
We'll be rocking it out tonight, and somehow I doubt we will be the oldest, palest, baldness or fatest.
Friday, July 22, 2016
But forget all of that, the most disturbing thing about this is the Tom Selleck Borat looking pornstar state senator who negotiated this thing.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Our first experience on the LIRR was absolutely glorious, we had a cold beer in hand, the twins left on time and we just generally loved life but not 10 minutes after we posted yesterday's TOR Everything changed
I live blogged it for a few buddies, here is the transcript
Now there are a bunch of meatheads discussing going to get lit and killing hookers
So much for this joy ride
I just saw a 24 hour fitness
Jesus, I just got up and these meatheads are in their 50's. WTF is wrong with these people
They are all doubling fisting, it's a commuter rail and it's 6:15
These dudes are going to hammered just in time to get home to beat their kids
Just switched trains at Jamaica, this must be what it feels like in purgatory
I just saw another 24 hour fitness. Next to another 24 hour fitness
I like the fact that all the signs for shit out here don't even include an area code
Every thing is like
"john's auto parts
Just heard some doucebag from Lake Ronkonkoma tell a story about his "fuckin kid hittin a fuckin homer during his little league game that fucking made the entire fucking stadium gasp in fucking horror"
Somebody just farted, it was either the heavy chick sitting next to me or her guide dog. But it stinks
There are a lot less hot chicks on this train than I would have thought
This ride would be a lot better if the doucebag from Hicksville would stop blasting Storm Front through his headphones
In my third transfer (fourth if you count the subway, that IPA seems like it was a century ago
The chick next to me (after my third transfer) is wearing those sneakers with the rounded bottom that supposedly help you tighten your rump. It doesn't look like it is working
Better than the the conductor who just took my ticket had his short sleeve button down half untucked and had a huge coffee stain on it. Classy
Jesus, they LOVE above ground pools around here.
Another 24 Hour Fitness
"Hey honey, should we take a dip?"
"Sure, let me just park the truck on the front lawn and throw a couple of Bud Lites on the grass"
Another stop and I'll be there, God can somebody shut off the Storm Front album
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Wednesday, July 20, 2016
I walk into a train platform today at Hunterspoint Avenue 6:20PM for a 6:30pm train and it has to be the most pleasant experience of my life. No pushing, no lines, no standing in a 100 degree vestibule, no standing around at all actually. Just a friendly South Shore kid selling $2.50 beers with a smile and a "Thank You, Sir" when I told him to give me back $7
I could get used to this
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
We're now 12 hours away and people are still
Picking out plagiarized lines from that speech and our take is that as awful as it is, the act it came from Michelle Obama's makes it that much worse. Had this been taken from Barbara Bush or Nancy Reagan, it would have at least been justifiable for the Republican base but not this, can't wait to have Trump tell us about his own childhood growing up in Kenya as a secret billionaire Muslim
Monday, July 18, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
But hell really hit me,l when we entered the park. I had forgotten why every local was in the Hamptons this weekend because is 95 degrees and the park is swarming with tourists who are not at all concerned that I'm running late and that binding give a flying rats ass that they are looking for Strawberry Fields. And when I almost got run over by some dipshit on a CityBike, I just about lost it when I told him to shove his crappy bike up his Midwestern ass.
I had already spent my morning getting my girls dressed which involved me screaming at the top of my lungs for guys, had their hit brushed which was like the equivalent of taking a rusty rake through some foot high weeds and had threatened them with every thing I could think of to make sure they smiled during the session
I'll pick up my Father of The Year award next week
Saturday, July 16, 2016
When Trump announced that Mike Pence would be his running mate we all knew he did it against his own judgement. He wanted Big Chris by his side but apparently the Trump kids convinced Donald that Pence was the choice
What was more odd was the decision to unveil the new logo which looks like a gigantic penis breaking the seal of a gigantic sphincter. If this isn't the perfect logo to describe how hard Trump is going to anally rape Mike Pence, The GOP and this country, I don't know what would be. Hopefully Pence will bring plenty of lube although those small Donald hands prods my means it won't hurt that much.
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Friday, July 15, 2016
Thursday, July 14, 2016
I would have thought the backlash after Brexit would have dampened the Trump fervor but like almost anything else it just encourages it further. I'm still confident in that Trump will never be president but I've been wrong every step along the way, so no reason to believe that will change any time soon
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Friday will end Trump's quest for a VP and hopefully for him it will last longer than the one Ted Cruz chose right before his not sank. There are three dogs left in the race, and I do mean dogs. Mike Pence who has about as much charisma as the chick who works at the Rec department, Newt Gingrich whose fist name describes him perfectly and Chris Christie who has a first name that is also his last name and who probably ate a box of donuts since we started to write this blog
We have been on record for months that Big Chris is Donald's guy here, he has a matching bravado and temperament and fits the bill perfectly as he has the appearance of being strong on terrorism and crime even he isn't really. He is a fatter louder Rudy Guiliani. Many people think that it will be Pence but I don't see it, first of all voters aren't that stupid to overlook the fact that Trump is the anti-Christ in a cheap Chinese made suit just because he chose some lame social conservative who looks like the guy who somebody kicked him in the nuts and he told them that if they ever did that again he'd tell the teacher, even though he was 40 at the time. Newt is interesting in that he knows how to divide a congress as well as anybody and that is exactly what a president Trump faces but he also has the stench of establishment all over him and Trump is dying to keep that stench off of that cheap suit and ridiculously long tie
So we stuck by our prediction, big Chris and Donald will be cozying up together come Friday, I'd hate to be the Bologna in that sandwich
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Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Monday, July 11, 2016
But the "go" version is supposedly a virtual live action game or something like that and it will probably lead to a bunch of dorky kids getting run over by cars
Sunday, July 10, 2016
After taking a turn off of the main road, we found ourselves in the wilderness today, bright but mountains, green and hippies. The world looked peaceful but exciting and for the first time in years, I did what any Griswold was born to do, I took the road less travelled. The issue was that my 250 feet of gravel travel lead to the back tire of my 2014 Honda Odyssey springing a leak almost immediately which ended my off road adventure about 100 paces off the main road and I then spent the rest of my vacation day editing on AAA
Oh. The life I live
Saturday, July 9, 2016
It's not just the right quarters, it's the whining, meaning, complaining and fighting what makes me want to stop on the side of the road, stick out my thumb and hitchhike to Idaho. I don't know how others do it, but I am not a patient enough to father to do this and not want to jab myself in the urethra with a used squeeze pack
Friday, July 8, 2016
I'll make this easy on everybody. Hell F'n Yes
Thursday, July 7, 2016
Wednesday, July 6, 2016
Why is I find interesting N was that the photo of Kim that the NY Times used for their tweet was just a gigantic face, it's like they are mocking the fact that the dude has a head that would need a 38th parallel to encompass is fully
So Kim, have fun with even less crap especially in light of the stories that came out last week that it seems that even China has started cutting back on delivers into The North. But you better believe that the new Fast and the Furious ends up streaming into Kim's bedroom over torrentz.eu
Tuesday, July 5, 2016
But all of a sudden, I felt like I got hit in the head by the flu, if the flu was wrapped in the Zika virus and fermented in Malaria juice.
I went from being able to concentrate to feeling dizzy and light headed, and just uncomfortable. I cut my meeting off short and walked back to work, aware that the bright sun was bothering me more than normal. I get to my desk and a buddy walks past and asks me if I'm ok, stating that my eyes are bloodshot and my entire face flushed. I look down and my arms look like they are morphing from fat cute kid Michael Jackson to freaky kiddie touching Michael Jackson. My stomach is red as a lobster, my arms are covered in hives and my entire body is shaky. Within a couple of minutes my arms look like Gorbachev's head and I decide to hoof it to my doctor. I run into the office and run into the bathroom and proceed to shit my brains out, like you are sliding into first and you feel something burst. They shot me up with prednisone and sent me home.
I walked back to work and got a car to go home and rest. The rash sort of spread and got worse and then better and then worse but by 5pm it was almost all gone.
My first thought was that I could be allergic to something but that would an odd thing to figure out at 40, especially when I ate the same food from the same place I go to often.
I did a bit of research and it sounds like there is some kind of scromboid fish food poising from eating rotten and detaining large finned fish like tuna and the symptoms sounded exactly what I went through: flu like, dizziness, face flushed, hives on arms and torso, short term but forceful diarrhea and facial rash.
My life is not very good
Monday, July 4, 2016
Everything is right with the world again, the economy recovered from Brexit, France kicked the crap out of Iceland, my balls don't hurt that much anymore and Joey Chestnut is back on top of the competitive eating world. I have to say that when they started the hot dog competition a few decades ago, they never imagined that a human would ever be able to put down 70 dogs and buns in a sitting.
In 1978, the fourth year they had the completion, two dudes tied to win it by both eating 10 hotdogs I knew a kid in High School who had 15 grays papayas in a single sitting with onions and kraut, I could even put down a 10 spot back in my college days.
Now these guys are eating the equivalent of a calf wrapped in burrito.
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Sunday, July 3, 2016
Maybe they can just designate areas where they can stand and have crossing guards try to et them from one pen to another
Saturday, July 2, 2016
After a week, my balls have that "20 minutes after having been kneed in the nuts" feeling. This sort of dull ache that never subsides. I also can't walk around without having some serious support, think of a chick with double D's jogging, that is what I feel like all the time now. On top of that, my sack somehow sunk further than before, I swear the bottom of my sack now touches the top of my knees. I am thinking the vas deferens was actually keeping them pulled up and now that I've cut the cord, they are just laying on the bottom of my scrotum and any slight movement means they are getting flicked.
My Life is So Incredibly bad
Friday, July 1, 2016
What I found most entertaining was not that DeRay McKesson has capitals where there shouldn't be and lower case letters where there should but that he apparently operates out of Aspen Colorado, easily the whitest white town in he affluent world. You sort of lose credibility when you are skiing on $1500 skis on a $350 per day ski pass
This is worse that that white chick who was the head of her local NAACP chapter