Take on the lame New Years

Fauci urged Americans to avoid large New Years Eve gatherings and finally there is a time to rejoice. Nothing is worse than New Years Eve and having a drunk Chinese dude pee on your leg, so canceling all of that is just fine by me.

But since I'm 20+ years removed from having any interest in standing in a crowded place counting down till misery, not I'm just not looking forward to getting bombarded with dozens of crappy texts from people I haven there from for 365 days. If only he could ask people to avoid celebrating it all together, I'd really be happy.

Take on Ron DeSantis

Ron DeSantis is a horrid human and should be held personally responsible for thousands on unneeded deaths because of his horrible policies. But as Florida once again burns, Governor DeSantis has gone MIA. We don't know what the cause is but suspect this jackass is likely on a ventilator using up valuable oxygen which should otherwise go to someone who doesn't actually have the ability to change public policy. He's obviously at least fifty pounds overweight, likely diabetic and appears to have terrible B.O. which is a sign he probably has some autoimmune deficiency. There is no way he makes it off that thing.

Sorry Florida.

Take on Ghislaine

Nothing made me happier than to see Ghislaine Maxwell convicted of five counts of sex trafficking. Not only will her victims finally get some redemption but her conviction is the one we deserved to get from Epstein before he took the easy way out. What we can only hope now is she flips on a bunch of the high powered men who participated in the deviance.
And I want them all to face the wrath, regardless of their political leanings

Take on LaBo

Lauren Boebert may go down as the dumbest of the Trumpian clowns and that in itself is quite an accomplishment. She tweeted an attack on Biden's America today which looked like the scrabble tiles I chose two days ago. I can't make heads or tails of it but I know that at the end of the day, nobody can but it also won't change anybody's mind on her. The ones who love her will see this as a left wing attack and the ones who hate her are not morons

Take on MAGA crazy

Although he. Maimed not to be,it turns out that Let's Go Brandon dickwad is actually a MAGA nutbag which was as predictable as anything you've encountered in 2021. The thing that shocks you at this point is not that these people exist but that they spew out this regurgitated bull verbatim claiming it's some king of original thought.
I can't quite imagine what it would take to fall this deep into the cult but seeing these red hat wearing psychos go through the day fairly unscathed doesn't give me a lot of confidence for a landing without some major turbulence.

Take on JonBenet

It's so obvious that CNN is dying to get Trump back, they can't seem to get out of their own way when it comes to him. Today they decided to do a deep dive into the JonBenet Ramsey case because there is nothing America loves more than the story of a missing white girl.

Had she been black, we wouldn't be talking about her 25 minutes later, let along 25 years later

Take on Alex Jones

Alex Jones has had a rough run

First he lost his his Sandy Hook case meaning he will hopefully be financially destitute for the rest of his miserable life

Then Donald Trump went out and actually praised the vaccines to which Jones replied "This is an emergency Christmas Day warning to Pres Trump. You are either completely ignorant .. or you are one of the most evil men who ever lived .. What you told Candace Owens is nothing but a raft of dirty lies." So there is apparently a fracture between the crazies

And then last night his wife beat the shit out of him. I am not one who applauds domestic battery but when the "victim" is a worthless piece of cow dung like Alex Jones, I'm smiling just a little bit.

Take on the lame Let’s Go Brandon thing

There are a couple of presidential traditions which are always kind of weird. The pardoning of the Turkey thing is king of lame. The NORAD thing is sort of cute but can get cringy when the president asks some 7 year old if they still believe. But it's sort of an innocent thing till some dumbass dad decided to end his fall with Biden with that Let's Go Brandon thing. Obviously it's not exactly appropriate normally but in that setting in front of a bunch of little kids it's partially disturbing. For a party which claimed to be all about family values they certainly support a lot of disgusting humans and do a lot of vulgar crap.

Take on the Trump endorsement

Trump touting the vaccine are creating quite the conundrum from the crazies who have been screaming all year that they are some Bill Gates sponsored microchip injection. Trump, of course, is using his vaccine endorsement mostly to toot his own horn but at this point we don't care because he has a unique ability to reach a certain demographic who has basically refused to follow science.

Let's hope at least a few of them get jabber .

Take on the omicron holiday

The world is about to shut down again and entire thing couldn't have come at worse time. With the holidays two days away and covid cases spiking, I think we are all going to be looking for one of those gigantic snake like lines at the local urgent care.

The entire thing was predictable and preventable if half the country gave a crap about the other half.

Happy Miserable Christmas

Take on the microchip injection

A Swedish company announced they have come up with a a microchip to be inserted in their arm to allow them to scan their vaccine status. Not only does this sound like a terrible idea as carrying the card or uploading an app on your phone suffices pretty well but to give the crazy QAnon folks this piece of fodder is going to make for a long winter

Just get the booster

Tie on the uphill battle

Oh how we long for th good old days of March 2020 when we just had the first local station of cove, today the CDC announced that omicron is the dominant covid strain at 73% of all new cases. I'm at the point now where you almost think that if not cases are mild and that's it's basically unstoppable, that maybe it's time to let this thing run free and set the GOP voter block back about 50 years.

I'm only half kidding but with every strain it seems we are more and more transmissible, and I think we are like two strains away from somebody looking at you and you getting pregnant.

Take on Joltin’ Joe

Joe Manchin torpedoed the BBB thing which was as predictable as any political event we've seen in the last four decades. The liberal wing is up in arms, the GOP is full of glee and everybody else is sort of scratching their head as to what to do next.

At the end Manchin claimed it was the amount added to the debt that worried him, a statement which falls flat knowing he just voted for a much bigger defense spending package.

But the thing the Democrats who are calling for his head are not realizing is they are making two huge miscalculations

there is no Democrat who probably has a shot against Oily Manchin in West Virginia if he were to be primaries
Even if there was, that person would likely have to flank him on the right which would make him more likely to pseudo caucus with the GOP.

The chances of that person winning is so damn low that you basically give back the senate to Mitch McConnell which means that a vote on something like the BBB never sees the light of day.

So although Manchin is a corrupt fool but he's still more valuable in than out.

Take on scared Donald

If the Saturday night Trump rant is any indication, might get our Christmas surprise after all. His latest is a word salad of anti democratic nonsense mainly aimed at DA's AG's and law enforcement for wanting to "put people in jail". Guess what Don, they are not looking to put people in jail, they are looking to put corrupt criminals in jail and if the weird hair weave thing fits…

This could finally be the week we get to bust open the popcorn

Take on Rick Perry

Nobody has ever claimed Rick Perry was all that right, it's often been said that he was the dumbest in the Trump cabinet and that's saying quite a lot. So it's also not shocking that he was the author of the text pushing an aggressive strategy to overthrow the election. Perry has spent his entire life being an absolute lowlife loser never really came across as especially Trumpy but then again neither did any of the other "traditional Republicans who have basically become pariahs

Take on Omicron

I can't imagine being the kind of person who stares down science and would go through life believing that getting medical info from a quack would ever be sensible. I also can't imagine living in Florida, so I also can't be surprised when cases are spiking for a a group of people who don't believe in vaccines and also refuse to wear masks. What I'm annoyed about is that half of us have done the bare minimum to try to get this under control but as long as we share a bed with the other half, we can't ever get out of this mess.

Sadly for them their side keeps dropping dead. So maybe it's just a matter of time.

Take on FoxNews

We always knew that Trump was being propped up by FoxNews but we never knew that they were basically his defacto campaign team. There can't be any good reason why the entire prime time team is basically running an offensive coordinator uo
In the booth. They dictate the storyline, they basically change the dialogue on a dime and they are giving Trump full warning each time they do it.

Take on the voter fraud at The Villages

All that voter fraud we have been hearing about has all come down to three people who voted multiple times…for Trump. It's as if these people have absolutely no morals at all as they accuse everybody else of the exact acts they commit and we are supposed to cha get our entire election systems because of this non existent Democratic voter fraud.
Maybe stop electing criminals and you won't have criminal behavior by their blind sheep

Take on The royal family's Christmas photo

Prince William tried to one-up his brother by looking like a 55 year old dad in his horrible Christmas photo. His wife looks great, the kids look miserable but the prince looks completely awful. He's got that gigantic head that looks like an NBA regulation basketball. He's got on some godawful shorts that look three times too small and he's wearing a shirt which -surprisingly- is too big. Honestly he looks like he has packed on a few and is probably trying to hide it with that oversized garbage bag for a shirt

Take on The royal family's Christmas photo

Prince William tried to one-up his brother by looking like a 55 year old dad in his horrible Christmas photo. His wife looks great, the kids look miserable but the prince looks completely awful. He's got that gigantic head that looks like an NBA regulation basketball. He's got on some godawful shorts that look three times too small and he's wearing a shirt which -surprisingly- is too big. Honestly he looks like he has packed on a few and is probably trying to hide it with that oversized garbage bag for a shirt

Take on the personal email

Personal email accounts are only a big deal to the GOP when they are Hillary's. When it's Mark Meadows using his to try to get the National Guard to protect Pro Trump people it's just par for the course. Just look at the devastation in Kentucky and how quickly Biden responded, he never thought about red state or blue state, he just thought about United States. Put Trump in the same situation with a disaster in New York State and you just know he would have slow played it because they didn't support him in the election.

Take on the former super spreader in chief

Big Chris is continuing his redemption tour, one which has already seen him get 1250 hour of airtime in order to sell about 1250 copies of his book. His latest thing is to claim that he contracted Covid from
Trump which is likely true but sort of a weird way to try to distance yourself from him. You don't criticize him for his horrible presidency, his disregard for basic decency or his obvious lack of any morals but you will say he likely coughed on you

Come on Chris, be a bigger man and stand up to this tub.

Take on Fat Ted

There really is no bigger jackass than Ted Cruz. He doesn't defend himself, his wife or his father. He claims to be a man of morals but has shown over and over again to be far from it. He dresses like an idiot when he vacationed in Cancun and somehow somebody convinced him that you can't tell that he's out on like 50 pounds since her ran for president by growing that crappy beard probably because they hate him too .

Take on the PowerPoint coup

I have to say it's a bit odd to hear that Trump's attempt to overthrow an election was conceived very much like I would conceive a new product line at work. It was basically just a poorly put together PowerPoint which likely dulled most of its audience to sleep. It does sort of put the entire thing in perspective, the most powerful man in the world with the most powerful computers, the CIA, FBI, secret service and just about anybody else at his service spent a couple of evenings adding bar charts to a PowerPoint hoping to not have an issue projecting it in the conference room if the projector wasn't working.

Take on the burning bush.

When the Christmas tree outside of FoxPlaza went up in flames. You sort of had to smile. These idiots have been claiming a farcical war on Christmas and here they are burning down a tree.

Later did we find out that the tree wasn't even a real one which shows how much heart these idiots have for Christmas anyway.

So next time you hear one of these idiots complaining about Biden ask them why they hate Christmas.

Take on Better.com

The CEO for Better.com played his part of The Grinch and ruined Christmas for 900 employees with their abrupt firing. Firings happen regularly and that shouldn't be a surprise, what this guy is getting criticized for is the fact he brought these 900 people on a zoom call and fired them all en masse like a slaughtering house

In addition to getting critiqued for the method of firing and people are pointing to the $750million in financing better.com had just secured to ask why they had to lay anybody off but that is the mistake. I'm betting the finances came with the condition of trimming a likely bloated workforce so that argument falls flat untilwe see the books and more likely until we see the terms of the financing.

Take on the Nunes train.

Devin Nunes has been Trump's congressional lapdog for the last few years but with Trump unlikely to be facing any impeachment trials, Devin decided to get a little closer to a Trump's taint. He is stepping down from his seat in Congress and taking up a role within Trump's media company which sounds about as exciting as sitting in a hot tub with a fat guy with a flatulence problem.
I guess it was probably because he saw that the writing was on the wall and the chances of him retaining his seat after redistricting was going to be very difficult. Either that or he was just too intimidated by that cow

Take on the double negative

Trump's latest non Twitter tweet showed again how mentally handicapped he really is. His statement read "anybody who doesn't think there wasn't massive Election Fraud in the 2020 Presidential Election is either very stupid or very corrupt!"

Obviously we all see the double negative but this isn't something that Trump can or would notice. The fact he comes across as a complete moron means nothing to him and his followers will just blame the corrupt grammar police

This idiot was the most powerful man in the world just a year ago, how the hell did we let that happened?

Take on MTG’s latest stupidity

Marjorie Taylor Greene has outdone herself again. She's made an analogy dumber than basically any other she's made and that's quite the accomplishment. Her hot take isn't her 600,000 people die from cancer and we don't shut the country down which is a great point if cancer was transmittable and contagious. But of course it's not but that doesn't actually matter to three name because it doesn't help score cheap points with stupid people

Take on the Crumbleys

Columbine felt like a once in a lifetime tragedy that we would scar us so that we'd do everything to prevent it from ever happening again,. Sandy Hook seemed like to might be the breaking point but all we got were thoughts and prayers. Parkland felt like it started a movement but it died down. We can't seem to evade tragedy all for the sake of 2A which has been so grossly misinterpreted from its original meaning that it now has absolutely nothing to do with anything resembling the late 18th century

But maybe this Oakland thing changes something. Not because it's more tragic, or because after Covid we so desperately deserved normalcy but because maybe by charging the parents they are forced to take responsibility. Maybe it would mean more gun safes, maybe more responsible ownership overall or -gasp- maybe just less guns but putting the responsibilities on a parent, like they would be if a kid crashes a car after they attending a party at their house, may start to change behavior.

Take on the Unvaccinated MTA workers' spit key to COVID test program

I took the subway for the fist time in about two years this week and am glad to report its as filthy as ever. Maybe that's not entirely true but it still had the basic stench homeless piss and rat droppings.
So when I heard the MTA would spend $100,000,000 to test unvaccinated workers I thought to myself, they has to be a lot better way to spend that kind of money

They are only talking about 20,000 workers who are unvaccinated which is a high percentage of their 65k person workforce but does anybody realize they are paying $5000 per employee to have them tested. I'd have to guess they could save a few bucks by just offering them a stipend to do it..or better yet just mandate it.

Take on Trump’s positive test

The fact that Trump lied about his covid test before the debate with Biden isn't a surprise to anybody, what it is though is another example why he was not then and certainly is not now the kind of person we can trust with the nuclear football. When your entire life calling is self promotion and self admiration, there is no possible way you can ever serve with the true goal of helping others. I've been around long enough to know that Trump was never fit to be president but as the stories trickle out like a late night Trump bathroom break, it's becoming so crystal clear that you almost have to wonder how you cannot recognize it. The issue is that those who idolize him can't see it anymore, we've basically lost 40% of the electorate forever

Take on the Moderna chances against omicron

The fact the Moderna CEO is predicting that their vaccine stands no real chance against omicron is about as depressing a fact as we have heard. Most CEO's do nothing but unjustly hype their product but this one went either with the short the stock
theory or we're screwed.

I do have to say the last few months of summer and all were nice with numbers coming down me as more people were getting jabbed. There was also the added benefit that we got to see Darwinism really work

But now we are all screwed, we'll see you sometime this spring.

Take on a classy return for Christmas

Jill Biden has brought a lot of things back to The White House including style, grace and class but really nothing shows this better than the fact that the place doesn't look like the hotel in The Shining anymore. I never paid much attention to any decorations before but when Melania basically painted the entire thing in blood red, it certainly felt off.
Anyway, let's hope the next few decades of
decorations are pretty lame and normal

Take on Ronny Jackson

Can somebody explain to me how Ronny Jackson was considered a vital member of the presidents inner staff just a few years ago. I'm not taking about during the crazy Trump times but he was the president's personal physicians during Obama and this guy is absolutely bananas.
How this guy has a medical license let alone a driver's license is beyond me.

Take on omicron

I'm nervous about the new variant, mostly with the reports it may be immune to the vaccines. I'm not ready to go back into isolation, not ready to give it all back again and certainly not ready to not have toilet paper

But what I'm really struggling with is how the hell do you pronounce omicron? Is it like O-Micron. Oh Mick Ron or is it just pronounced Oh Shit

Take on Boebert

Lauren Boebert is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to the House and that's saying a lot. She feasts on hate, binges on ignorance and pukes up anything left of morality.

She's personally responsibility for the decline of civility in the entire body. Plus her husband is a miserable sex offender who was caught showing his little Boebert to a bunch of teens at a bowling alley.

But mostly it proves again that the day that the GOP. House leadership takes a moral stand will be the first.

Take on the unvaccinated

Just when ir felt like the people who decided to get inoculated were starting to see some daylight, new reports are out for a very Delta-y delta strain of the covid virus. This is just getting ridiculous as it seems we will never get a break from this. We've been at it for nearly 2 years and people are still dropping like flies. Granted it's turned into not such a bad method of population control as they are almost entirely anti-vaxxer meatballs

Take on Covid Toe

When I saw Covid Toe trending I assumed it was a new phenomenon which happened because so many people are wearing yoga pants all day while working from home. It turned out that there is actually a medical CovidToe issue… or so Joe Rogan claims.

Anyway, Aaron Rodgers seems to have been inflicted by this which you'd only say couldn't have happened to a nicer more honest person.

Hope it's not contagious, would hate to see his other toes infected after the one toe didn't take precautions

Take on the Unite Right liability

I was happy to see the Unite the Right organizers held liable for damages but think to myself the $26million they are charged with is just silly.

These are a bunch of worthless oafs who suck on the teat of social programs within the United States, who don't actually work or make money who are now held liable for more money than they will ever possibly make.

I get that this is just basically the same as some wide receiver becoming the highest paid receiver in the NFL when we all know those contacts aren't guaranteed.

Take on the bullied RNC

I don't feel any sympathy for the RNC but the fact they seem to be willfully bullied is mesmerizing.

Somehow they have decided to use party funds to pay of Trump'a personal legal bills although he supposedly is a billionaire and on top of that's has has like $100 million in his war chest.

But I guess if they are happy getting slapped around and given constant wedgies, why should I care

Take on the Wisconsin auto wreck

When you read about these psychos getting into their car and running through a parade of people you wonder how we can ever make it though. Forget gun violence of drugs, some whacko getting behind the wheel and deciding to play roller derby is one of the absolute scariest things is America.

It's time to step up and start giving people a mental health check before affording them a licensee

Take on guns

I'll never really understand American gun laws but the fat that a passengers weapon discards today at any airport tells you all you need to know about guns in this country. We've been waiting for a decade to figure out what our country can't seem to get out of its own way when it comes to gun violence but I feel like the fact somebody can lawfully carry a gun into an airport and accidentally discharge is has to be a big part of it.

Take on the stacked case

There was just no way that Kyle Rittenhouse would be convicted. Forget whether he should be held at least partially responsible for the tragedy of three lives ending that day, the fact that judge cozied up with him from day one is beyond disturbing. Whether it was allowing Rittenhouse to pick the final 12 jurors, his weird diatribes, not allowing the prosecution to build a case around his character or the fact the judge used the Trump theme song as his ringtone, this was a case where the cards were stacked firmly against the state.

But Rittenhouse just became the latest GOP mascot and will be brought along as the new whack pack with the St. Louise couple, the pillow guy and that nutbag who murdered Trayvon

Take on Big Head Matt

Matt Gaetz apparently has decided to dump Nester and instead is looking to hire a new 18 year old.

He's not looking to hire a qualified, over achiever who has hopes of changing the world as a congressional intern but instead decided to make the public offer to a guy who should be spending the next 5-10 years in prison.

Of course, Gaetz doesn't care about what happens to BLM activists or even basic civility, he just hopes to lead his political party to go further off the deep end…and with this he is actually incredibly successful

But the clock is ticking on Matty…seems his buddy Joel Greenberg is singing like a canary and we will have some indictments coming soon.

Wonder how he can get that orange jumpsuit over his gigantic head without needing to cut it.

Take on Paul Gosar

If I ran into Paul Gosar with my car, I wouldn't recognize him. From what I can tell, he's a pretty worthless congressmen who doesn't ever see to do anything other than post stupid crap to give him some media attention. Today the house voted to censure him meaning he will be doing even less work but also immediately ingratiates him with the Trump right. Obviously if I posted a photo of me killing a coworker, it wouldn't go well but when you have a spineless minority leader and a lock-step GOP, you don't even acknowledge that it may have been in poor taste.

Take on Chubby Bubby

Trump put on a tuxedo and sat down with the My Pillow guy for a one on one interview to set the record straight…or to sell T-shirt's it's hard to know. Nothing came of it I'm sure as the two tried to get to the bottom of baseless election fraud by felating each other but then again nobody expected anything else.

What I did notice was that somehow Trump has gotten even fatter. He's now so round that he looks like BB8 with little legs and arms. I swear if you throw him on his back, he may not be able to get up.

Take on the homeless guy

Steve Bannon turned himself in and immediately tried to make himself out to by some kind of homeless martyr. I'm not sure who can help him but he looks severely sick, he has those weird marks all over his face, he always wears like five shirts and he looks like has hasn't showed in a month. There is nobody in their right mind who would get anywhere near him if he was standing on a subway platform


Trump has already proven to be more than happy to turn on him and the fact he looks like a sack of rotting potatoes won't help that case much either. Trump doesn't like sloppy and Steve is as sloppy as it gets

Take on too much coffee

Twitter asked today if there was such a thing as too much coffee. Coming from somebody who has two cups before 7am, three more by the noon, two afternoon cups of Joe, one when I get home and one before bed, I'm not sure there is an answer.

But if my heart stops at some point, realize a shot of caffeine won't jolt me awake

Take on Big Chris

When Big Chris got Covid last year, his boss called to check up on him…we'll be called to check in on him and to make sure that he wouldn't take the fall if Chris' family were in the market for a XXXL coffin. This is what The Former Guy is all about, making sure that no matter the situation, he wouldn't have to take any responsibility.

Luckily Big Chris made it through and lived but sadly Trump won't face charges for slaying the beast.