Tuesday, January 16, 2018

Take on Sloppy Steve

Steve Bannon showed up today to be grilled on the Russian involvement in the Trump campaign and our only thought was....What happened to Steve?? He looks cleanly shaven, he is wearing only one button down shirt and even is wearing a tie

Here is our critique
- He still looks sloppy in the same way that I always looked a bit sloppy when I put on a tie in my 20's.
- you can tell this guy has no experience with a tie, is tied way too short, should hit the belt buckle and his hardly hits his belly button
- the button down shirt with the two white buttons to hold the collar down is very Gap
- there is no way he is wearing matching pants
- his Mike Francesa haircut is really disturbing looking
- guy just know he is wearing a yellow stained undershirt which he's going to be stripping down to half way through thus thing

Monday, January 15, 2018

Take on the Rupert-Donald feud

Trump must have either peed in Rupert's Cheerios or he banged his wife because the old Aussie has come out swinging the last few weeks

Front page of the Post had both a shithole and a Stormy reference wrapped into one two days ago, the entire "I have" vs "I'd have" WSJ controversy from a few days ago prompted some unexpired backlash from the dear leader and today the journal broke a story about Javanka possibly being involved with a wacky Chinese business woman who just happens to be old Rupert's ex wife.
So I'm convinced that Trump asked her for a massage and hen banged her and now Rupert is seeking revenge on both of them

Good riddance

Sunday, January 14, 2018

Take on the racist.

The least comforting defense is when somebody tells you that they are the least racist person they know.
I know the defense against being a racist is always a bit funny since it almost always involves invoking that one black friend or the fact that you think Halle Berry is hot but when you have a long history (Central Park 5, housing lawsuits, lost Apprentice tapes) you don't get the benefit of the doubt.
What is the best part of this story is that the two senators that denied hearing him say shithole are likely using the semantic defense since there is word he may have used shithouse but then again these guys have all already sold their souls to the devil.

Saturday, January 13, 2018

Take on “Pearl Harbored”

Today's false alarm on the ballistic missile heading to Hawaii had me thinking about a real attack on Hawaii, the one from 76 years ago. Pearl Harbor has to go down as one of the most consequential days in American history as it brought us directly into WWII but it also one of the most tragic. That got me thinking that as a kid, when watching WWF there would be times when Gorilla Monsoon or Mean Gene would yell about a wrestler getting Pearl Harbored which meant attacked when not paying attention
Think about that term and how widely it was used then without any thought paid to it. Now think about an announcer today saying a wrestler got 9-11'd or something and tell me how well that would go. That announcer would be thrown out so quickly you'd never hear from him again...either that or we'd elect him president

World has changed I guess

Friday, January 12, 2018

take on stinky Julian

there are a few things in this world that surprise me less than the news that came out that Julian Assange stinks.  Every last thing about him just makes you think that the guy doesn't shower regularly, cuts his toenails in the living room and probably stinks to blue heaven.   

the Times of London came out with a report today that the Ecuadorians want him out, mainly because he stinks..

He kind of dresses and looks like a dirty European and certainly likes playing footsie with some dirty Russians, so it's no shock at all.

Thursday, January 11, 2018

Take on the s-hole

Did it miss anything today??!?

I spent the day basically locked behind my desk working on a project and when I came out the entire world looked like a complete shithole to me. I can't figure out what it was but the streets we're filled with litter, the highway was littered with cars and the people littering and driving were annoying the hell out of me. It's 2018 and our president is not just a closet racist, he's proving day-in, day-out that he's about of the closet one, too.
But this is what happens when a bunch of trash elects a piece of trash...you get a dump fire and one that nobody wants to step in to put out

Good job America

Wednesday, January 10, 2018

Take on the fourth grade vocabulary

Let's file this under "not surprised"

A bunch of intellectual types conducted a study to see how Trump's vocabulary, sentence structure and grammar compared to the previous 15 presidents and they found that he finished in...dead...last. This doesn't shock anybody but it is sort of amusing to think the president of the United States has a vocabulary that rivals that of my eight year old daughter since they put it at a fourth grade level.

He'll also be thrilled to find out that Obama was ranked third best vocabulary.

Tuesday, January 9, 2018

Take on Sloppy Steve

Steve Bannon stepped down from Breitbart today which was a big story in that he just stepped down from his role in the White House and recently stepped into a pile of dog shit called Roy Moore.
Steve Bannon looks like your alcoholic uncle if your uncle needed to wear multiple button downs on top of each other. The guy has a face that looks like it's the catchers glove which has just been through a double header, he has a smile that makes you think of cheese and he has a personality that makes you want to try to kick yourself in the nuts.

The only question now is...how long before FoxNews hires him?!?

Monday, January 8, 2018

Take on Enrico PaTrumpO

There is absolute no chance that Trump actually knows the lyrics to the Star Spangled Banner...I mean when they zoomed in on him today, he looked like me when I was standing in front of my fifth grade class during the spelling bee. I have no doubt in my mind that he would have to go complete Enrico Palazzo if the singer just dropped dead and they gave Trump a mic.

And after he is called out for it, he'll attack the haters and the MSM until somebody finds a quote where he critiques Hillary for not knowing the lyrics..he is just that dumb

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Take on Oprah

The world (or at least the ones watching the Golden Globes) are ready to anoint Oprah the next president and I'm left to ask..haven't we learned our lesson. We tried this TV star celebrity idea of a non politician and it's working out about as well as could be expected. Oprah could be mother Teresa and Princess Diana rolled into one and I wouldn't be interested. I'm done with somebody who has no experience in government, no record to speak of and no discernible talent other than getting people to watch them on TV
Oprah, do us a favor and please just leave us alone

Saturday, January 6, 2018

Take on the really, like, smart guy

I know a thing or two about poorly constructed sentences.  I'm personal friends with bad grammar and spelling mistakes and I've been known to none proofread my stuff before sending it out into the world.  So in those respects, I'm almost the same as the POTUS, he only difference is that he has 40 million followers and I blog for three of my friends. 

This was Trump this morning

Now that Russian collusion, after one year of intense study, has proven to be a total hoax on the American public, the Democrats and their lapdogs, the Fake News Mainstream Media, are taking out the old Ronald Reagan playbook and screaming mental stability and intelligence...

Actually, throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart. Crooked Hillary Clinton also played these cards very hard and, as everyone knows, went down in flames. I went from VERY successful businessman, to top T.V. Star..........to President of the United States (on my first try). I think that would qualify as not smart, but genius....and a very stable genius at that!

For one, the first sentence can only be described as "Holy Run-On, Batman!!"   Then it only got worse from there.  I did appreciate his valley girl sentence that read "...my two greatest assets have been mental stability and, like, really smart". This reeked of "I'm like totally great at like many really hard things"
The entire thing just reads of a desperate 15 year old spoiled rich white girl..one that looks like frosty the snowman stuffed into a cheap suit.  

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, January 5, 2018

Take on the last remaining good thing about New Jersey

Living in New Jersey means living through endless jokes by your friends, paying ungodly high taxes and dealing with terrible accents but the one thing we have always had is the dignity of having some poor immigrant lump our gas. And now, like the final season of the Sopranos, they are threatening to take one of the last great things about this state away from us.
There are reports that NJ will soon force their drivers to...gasp.. get out of our steaming hot Highlanders or Suburbans and stand in the cold while we fill our tanks. Where is the dignity in that???

Next they'll tell us Bruce is really from Suffolk County to something and Billy Joel is from Somerset. Kill me

Thursday, January 4, 2018

Take on the Hillary email scandal

Another day, another set of new details on Hillary's email scandal...and by details I mean that they are just rehashing the same storyline like a crappy episode of Friends
But this is what FoxNews does, they have somehow turned that Hillary story into a one year sitcom and nothing ever gets resolved. Think Gilligan's Island with Sean Hannity as The Professor, Corey Lewandowski as Gilligan and Ann Coulter as the Movie Star

Wednesday, January 3, 2018

Take on the Creep

Our president is a world class creep, something many people knew already but somehow his evangelical following overlooked during the election.   In the new Wolff book, there is a chapter where Trump brags about banging his friend's wives which is great and all..of you are a deranged psychopath. 
He'd get his buddies into a room and ask them leading questions about other chicks they banged all while their wives were listening in..them he'd use his charm to seduce them.  Great friend to have, I'm sure
The rest of the book is going to be a doozy 

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Tuesday, January 2, 2018

Take on the worst people on the earth

Steve Mnuchin is one of the biggest dorks alive and when his stupid wife inevitably leaves him for a younger, richer dude, he's doing to be crushed. She is a total moron and I'm sure she's a horrible human but the fact that she has convinced this loser that she actually cares for him is the best shtick going.
The showed up at the $700+ Mar-a-Lago New Years Eve party and you just know she blew a busboy while old Steve was mingling and then kissed him right on the mouth

She should swallow, she could use the calories

Monday, January 1, 2018

Take on the lack of commercial jet crashes.

Saw a report that there were less murders in NYC in 50 years and there were no commercial passenger jet crashes in 2017, which is comforting in one way and frightening in another. I guess the murder rate in NYC could continue to fall but there is no where to go but...down...for the plane crash thing. I wonder if planes are more safe or if there are just less Russian stolen planes like that Malaysian Air one a few years ago which likely ended up in Kazakhstan. Then there was that other one a few years ago which was shot down by Russian separatists in the Ukraine which everybody seems to have just forgotten about while we all rally around the idea of the Trump-Putin bromance. See if you take Russian takedowns out of the equation there probably haven't been five airline crashes in a decade

But anyway, no plane crashes, only a few people got murdered in NYC, no really noteworthy celebrities died I think and Trump Jong Un didn't blow up the world.

I guess it was a good year

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Take on New Years Eve in -2 degrees wind chill

I haven't spent a New Years Eve in Times Square in a decade and there is nothing that sounds less appealing than standing with a million drunk fools pissing on each other but this year I'd rather punch myself in the balls than spending tonight in -2 wind chill weather. I have to wonder if there is anybody who is standing there who isn't a complete raging lunatic or at least one of the loneliest losers alive because they don't get an invite to any party that is inside
Anyway, I'll be asleep by the time these morons thaw out

Saturday, December 30, 2017

Take on the drunk coffee boy

We've all had those nights when we get just a little too drunk in front of proper company and spend the next morning wondering "how did I get here, what have I done?" Our favorite coffee boy probably felt that way a few months ago although maybe he was so black our drunk that he didn't even recall it. But what this entire episode does is put in perspective Trump's bizarre call-out for Russia to hack the DNC during the election. It's as if he can't just be happy floating his own alternative fact, he has to walk a tightrope where the thrill of almost getting caught gets him off

But this is or President, a guy who has spent his entire career on false stories, lies and innuendos..just this time he can take the entire free world down with him

Friday, December 29, 2017

Take on the Tubby in Chief

Most presidents look like they've aged a decade for every year they depend in office. Their eyes get baggy, their hair goes white and they start to have wrinkles where once there were none. Trump is different than most...his hair hasn't changed color (I wonder why?!?), he doesn't look any more tired than before and his eyes look as weaselly as ever.
What he has done is gain about 30 pounds, he has always been a pretty disgusting human but recently he has just added pounds onto his frame like most people add extra croutons to a salad. He has a terrible diet, doesn't exercise much and spends hours in front of the television, so the weight gain can't be a complete surprise but for a guy as vain as Trump, you'd think he could do something about the fact that he's starting to approach Kim Jong Un size
Then again, maybe he just doesn't care although it must kill him that Vladimir parades around topless while he wears a shirt which looks like a Trump National tarp

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Take on the most ignorant man in America

Ronald McTrump proved again that he is as dumb as his supporters, or his supporters are as dumb as he is..whatever

He tweeted his theory about Climate Change using the dumbest possible justification 

"In the East, it could be the COLDEST New Year's Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old Global Warming that our Country, but not other countries, was going to pay TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS to protect against," he wrote. "Bundle up!"

This argument has been debunked a hundred times already but when you don't believe in science, anything can be a fact.  This is where we are, our president is so thick headed that he cannot understand that weather <> climate

But then again this is a guy whose team tried to imbed "obama was out playing golf" into their website to show up whenever a webpage was down.  

Oh the irony

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