Thursday, April 26, 2018

Take on Michael Cohen’s early obituary

Poor Michael Cohen is going to have a rough few months and he's coming off of a few rough months already and somehow we don't think he'll make it.

Apparently he paid Stormy hush money out of his own bank account, he had hoped for Chief of Staff and wasn't even given head of the VA, Trump's denying really knowing hm and there is that little Mueller thing hanging over his head.

Cohen has been Trump's bitch for a while but now the entire world gets to see it and the facade is gone. Trump doesn't seem to respect him at all according to just about every report but still Cohen sticks around like a grade A sufferer of Stockholm Syndrome. Trump is the high school bully and Cohen is the guy who hopes that by kissing his ass, he won't get shoved in a locker.
The problem with a weak personality is that when the going gets tough, those guys sing and that's not good news when Bob Mueller is breathing down your neck. The dude was already living out of a hotel room, you know his wife and kids don't respect him.

I think we see Cohen jump in front of a train as he realizes his choices are spending the rest of his life in the clink or flipping on Trump. He's not built for hard time and he won't be able to handle looking Trump in the eye if he tries to save himself

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

Take on Ronny Jackson

I'm predicting that Ronny Jackson will have to step down from his nominated position to head the VA within 24 hours. He was already woefully under qualified for the position, seemed delusional (Trump weighs 239lbs LOL) and now its coming out that he has so many skeletons in his closet that he needed a walk-in
The Candyman, as he was affectionately called, was known to give out large supplies of opioids, was rumored to have written himself scripts, got drunk and wrecked a government car. In other words, this guy sounds the life of the party.

Now people are pointing their fingers at the Bush and Obama administration as he seemed to have been universally loved there but how is that a surprise, the guy was handing out pills like they were Halloween candy.

I wonder if he was high when he weighed Trump or if it just Trump's tiny hands that make him look so incredibly fat

Tuesday, April 24, 2018

Take on John Barron

It took me until this morning to realize that Trump names his last son after his own pseudonym which is about as Trump a Trump move as there ever was.
John Barron has been described by tabloid reporters as a Trump publicist who would call them to brag about the money he had or the women he was bedding and then watched the front pages of the Post and News (and Forbes) explode
This guy was Kim Kardashian and her wretched mother wrapped into one and we elected him to be president.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Take on HW’s last wishes

It's likely that HW won't make it much longer, having just witnessed his wife's funeral, nobody would be surprised if he didn't make it a few more months.
This is, of course, sad for his family and friends and his country will send him off properly with a proper funeral. The only question will be, will the Bush family break precedent and ask the sitting president to NOT attend the funeral, like they did when Barbara Bush was buried this last weekend

Anyway, nobody is rooting for a hasty end to an extraordinary life but whenever it does, let's hope they keep Dirty Don away

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Take on Kellyanne

There has never been a more masterful public speaker than Kellyanne Conway, a woman who can make the mountain of a molehill and a molehill into a mountain on the turn of a dime. She completely annihilated Dana Bash on CNN's State of the Union today when Bash decided to go after her husband. This seemed like fair game since the president often goes after spouses but Kellyanne handled it like a complete pro, never getting flustered and completely rocking Bash's confidence
This woman is the best there ever has even, best there ever was. If she could package this talent it would be worth millions

She's also a horrid human being.

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Take on Melania and Obama

At Barbara Bush's funeral, Hillary looks aged, Bill looks horny, Michelle looks dashing, Obama looks suave and Melania looks hot to trot. Obama is a more than just a decent man but you have to know that he is well aware when he burns the guy who replaced him. You just know he charmed the pants off of Melania as you just know the two of them probably hate Trump with the same passion and little hands Donnie was fuming at home.
The security guard at the jewelry store in Trump Tower is going to get some good lovin' tonight

Friday, April 20, 2018

take on Big Chris' portrait

news came out today that Chris Christie's official portrait is going to cost the NJ taxpayers $86,000, so Big Chris is really the gift that keeps on taking..

the cost of his portrait is ore than the portraits of his three predecessors combined which has a joke in there somewhere but it's just too easy.

what is more amazing is that Big Chris really hasn't found any spot within the Trump orbit, even Rudy got a job and Chris is sitting on the sideline with a donut in hand and nobody seems to care.

Thursday, April 19, 2018

Take on Rudy

It was only a matter of time until Rudy came back and joined the circus. There was a hot minute when Secretary of State Giuliani or Attorney General Rudy didn't sound so far fetched in Trump World but somehow one of Donald's most vocal surrogates got Crispy Cream Christied. We all think that Rudy was being leaked damming Hillary intel, probably from 300 pound guy in basement to Vlad to Julian to Rudy, so who better to defend collusion than the linchpin to the entire collusion story.

With Cohen likely already flipped we now have Rudy -who I once saw at the baseball hall of fame- and Ty Cobb as the only people left defending Trump. Let's play two.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Take on Barbara Bush

Saw a nice post of HW and Barbara walking off to Marine Force 1 and my first thought was, surprised this hand stayed up by her waist. Then again HW liked them a bit younger when he was playing gab-ass.

Barbara Bush seemed like a classy lady who knew how to handle herself in the public eye always sure to not embarrass herself, her husband or her country. She also seemed like she was 100 years old when she was second lady which is shocking since that was 30+ years ago and she was only in her early 60s. That's what's so shocking about getting old myself, these people who seemed ancient were basically just middle aged

Wonder if Trump makes it to the funeral or if he's going to spend the day playing miniature golf

Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Take on the Mooch sketch

These big I saw the Stormy Daniels sketch the first thought I had was.....The Mooch. Apparently I'm not the only one as it became an instant twitter meme, one which the Mooch himself responded to.
I have to think that the entire Trump world is pretty small, so keeping this close to the vest makes sense.

I'm going this a 99% chance of being true

Monday, April 16, 2018

Take on Hannity

Client number 3 was Sean Hannity which is about as rich as it gets. Just imagine if Obama's attorney had paid off a open star with whom he had an affair, paid off another woman in judging an abortion for a major DNC backer and then represented Rachel Maddow in a real-estate deal. Sean Hannity would have lost his shit but now that it's about him and Cohen it's about his privacy. This is a guy who spends half of his show -to this day- discussing Benghazi, Uranium One, Emails, Podesa and tarmacs while defending POTUS.

When your best defense is "well Hillary" you've lost all credibility.

By the way Tucker looks like he's going to the Trump tanning booth lately, he looks sickly

Sunday, April 15, 2018

Take on Franklin Graham

Sometimes truth is stranger than fiction.

Franklin Graham who is trying to keep the legend of Billy alive decided to push all his chips to the center today with his quote on FoxNews that said "I just appreciate that we have a man in office that understand the power of prayer and the need for prayer". Maybe he meant salvation instead of prayer because I don't think Donald Trump has ever had a prayer that didn't directly involve himself. If there was ever a man with less morals than Trump, he would basically be Charlie Manson. This is a guy who spends every Sunday on the golf course and hasn't ever met a blond who he didn't want to bang, so please spare me the righteousness Frank.

Saturday, April 14, 2018

Take on Syria

The US Military lobbed 187 tomahawk missiles into Syria yesterday in a needed response to the chemical attack on the Syrian people but felt like just another wag-the-dog moment. When we have given up the moral high ground it's hard to justify any action.

What I can't get out of my mind is that although this is likely completely valid something still felt off especially with reports about Russia getting advanced warning. Maybe it's the cynic in me but Trump's "lash outs" over Twitter at Russia over the last few days just seem like a WWE script giving him some perceived cover against the accusations that he's soft on Russia.
Nothing made his true intentions more clear than fact that after his last big anti Russian move by throwing out those 60 diplomats/spies, we invited 60 new ones right back in through the backdoor

All of this is just noise to give him the ability to say he's been tough on Russia when we all know he's nothing more than a big blob of blubber who Putin can morph at a moments notice

Friday, April 13, 2018

Take on the National Enquirer

All the news yesterday was about the $30,000 paid by the National Enquirer to try to bury a story about Trump fathering a child out of wedlock.  I get the friendship between Enquirer head David Pecker and Trump or even that this might be some quid quo pro stuff where Pecker buries this for a promise of exclusive photos from the set of The Apprentice like they do with Gwen Stefani or Paris Hilton 

But then I think about it and before this recent news cycle I honestly never thought anybody took anything in the National Enquirer seriously.    I've always believed that everything was just complete unabashed trash with stories about three eyed fish, kids born from a mother and monkey, Bill Clinton caught hooking up with the neighbors daughter (actually this might be true), Kanye West caught cheating on Kim with Khoe and Kendall and everything else to sell rags to miserable housewives in line at Shop Rite

Even when they were the ones that broke the major story of infidelity a few years ago (John Edwards IIRC) I basically assumed it was the blind squirrel finding the nut. 

If the Trump has a kid with the housekeeper had been published, I would have actually assumed it was fake purely by it being in the Enquirer.  

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, April 12, 2018

Take on Trump’s new sloppy legal advisor

Somehow Steve Bannon is back in Trump's orbit apparently recognizing and accepting that he is actually sloppy. I'm not surprised as Bannon is like a foot fungus, when you finally think you are rid of him, he creeps up on you and Trump is a willing musty foot. Part of what Bannon wants to suggest is firing Ty Cobb which would be interesting if for no other reason than that Trump would then be limited to calling Celino or Barnes since guy can't call both of them anymore
This is the irony of Trump, as much as there are certain people who want nothing to do with him there are just as many who can't get enough of him even after being fired (Bannon, Lewandowski, Stone).
I'm guessing Mueller doesn't make it past this weekend, so that legislation protecting the special prosecutor better get some jet packs

Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Take on the Mercers

There is starting to get some tailwind to more forcefully tying the Mercer's to the Cambridge Analytica thing being that they funded the thing

But what was more interesting to me is that Robert and Rebekah have to be two of the weirdest looking people ever. I'm always kind of disgusted if you can't figure out if the two people in a photo are a couple, siblings or a father daughter combo and these two don't disappoint.

Robert looks a bit like a mentally ill Phil Hartman with a forehead the size of a small TV screen and Rebekah looks like a cross between Cher and a Cheeto. They have these sinister smiles which you know is fueled by the blood of young immigrant blood and elephant ivory but what is most disgusting is the fact that she looks like a scarecrow and he looks like a guy walking out of a dominatrix's house

Tuesday, April 10, 2018

Take on Zuck

Mark Zuckerberg sat in front of a bunch of 60 and 70 year old la and tried to explain what Facebook actually is. This is a classic example of these morons being completely inept to discuss anything that has to do with anything related to technology. These are the same idiots who still have on their personal email addresses and are likely the same idiots who actually went onto that Cambridge Analytica app to take that personality quiz
But Zuck is no saint and we were glad to see he needed a booster seat and we hope his crappy product gets flushed down the great tank of misery

Monday, April 9, 2018

Take on Kushner 666

The Kushner's are robbing the country blind right out in the open. We all though (hoped) that Jared Kushner would be the reasonable voice in Trump's ear with a moderate political view and -more importantly- a moderate personality. But what we have seen by the Kushner empire is nothing yet. It seems that whenever they need a financial lifeline, the Trump administration cozies up to some despicable kingdom and voila, a new line of credit opens.
I'm starting to wonder who will be the biggest hairball stuck in the drain when they finally drain the swamp...Pruitt or Kushner?

One thing is for sure, we hope that Chris Christie is the one they choose to prosecuted Jared when he's finally lead out in handcuffs

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Take on Untrustworthy news

Nobody with half a brain would ever really think that FoxNews is unbiased but somehow they have convinced their viewers that the sky is actually purple. Then they showed a graphic on some show which showed that actually nobody sees FoxNews as trustworthy which is actually the most fair and balanced the network has ever had. But it basically goes like this
Shep Smith is fair and balanced, the rest of them are total partisan hacks or worse yet a bunch of Trump poolboys.

Saturday, April 7, 2018

Take on Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson came out with a whopper of a statement when he said he was being dominated by homosexuals. I'd always kind wondered what the 700 club was and assumed it was something similar from the 40-40 club but now it might be more similar to one of those clubs in the West Village. I'm not sure if he's seen as all that attractive but maybe there is a certain appeal to a guy in his 80's who looks like Mr Burns