Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Take on the Weiner

There are a few days per year when I must get to the newsstand and one of those days was today when I just knew the NY Post would be in all its glory and they didn't disappoint. Sometimes the headline just writes itself and no headline makes for better writing than when Anthony "show me your" Weiner is involved. Yesterday they went with Pop Goes the Weiner which was pretty good but they outdid themselves with the Huma cuts off Weiner

Can't wait to see what tomorrow brings

Monday, August 29, 2016

Take on the cigarette butt litterer

Nothing annoys me more than a guy smoking a butt and throwing it into the street as if our community is his ashtray. I don't get how this is still socially acceptable in 2016, we wouldn't accept people throwing their lunch wrapper or junk mail onto the street corner but somehow this one is ok. It's as if we have decided as a people that smokers should get special benefits like allowing them to litter while at the same time giving everybody around them cancer

I wish they made the cigarette more potent so it would kill these littering pond scum more quickly.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Take on the medical records

When Donald Trump implores Hillary to release her detailed medical reports, we can't avoid giggling. This is the same guy who refuses to release his tax records, something every major candidate has done for four decades and something he killed Romney for not doing just once cycle ago. I'm not saying a bill of health wouldn't be somewhat valuable, but when it comes from somebody who has so far released a badly written letter from a deceased doctor written in a total Trump voice, it is laughable but then again maybe laughing is what we should be doing

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Take on the iPhone battery

Every iPhone goes trough that period when it goes from a well oiled machine to a basic brick. It happens both gradually and suddenly as the battery slowly starts to deteriorate and one day it just sucks. This happened to me this week, basically I can barely make it through my hour bus ride commute on one charge, by the time I get to work the phone is sputtering and of course as with any iPhone, there is nothing you can do about it.
Why is he most frustrating is how quickly the battery leek drops. One minute it's 68% then it is 32% and then it just turns into a black screen

Friday, August 26, 2016

Take on BudLight Like a Rita

I always think that companies should stick with things that are part of their core competency and nothing is more clear than these Bud Light Lime-A-Rita things. I can't tell you how awful a Bud Light is, but somehow a Bud Light that is also a margarita might be worse. Somebody should slay the Clydesdales because the entire dream is dead

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Take on the NYS license plate

I've hated the New York Sate license plate for years finding the puke yellow to be a terrible match with most car colors but I finally realized why I really hate it. I hate it because it is almost the exact match color of the NYC Taxi but not exactly. When you see a cab with that license plate the fact that the two colors are close but not the same is painful to my eyes. I'm not one who cares about color matching generally but this is one I cannot let go any longer, it is that offensive

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Take on the @nytpolitics account

Over the last 24 hours, I can count 16 tweets by the @nytpolitics account and probably another 10 from their standard @nytimes account hyping some article about Cher supporting Hillary Clinton. Not only is this not interesting, it's not really relevant. Who cares why Cher thinks about politics, who cares what any celebrity thinks? But the bigger thing is that if this was US Weekly then maybe this would matter but this is the Gray Lady, not some tabloid

I have long wondered what the obsession is to find out who Kim Kardashian or Ellen or Kanye will vote for but in Cher's case it's even more odd because she isn't a big star anymore.

Literally nobody's vote will be impacted by what Cher thinks and nobody will likely read the article, so get it off my Twitter feed and start reporting on something interesting

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Take on Ryan Lochte's endorsements

Ryan Lochte needs a new marketing team because the guys doing it now are not doing him any favors. The guy is losing sponsorships for speedos when those companies should be throwing their panties at hm.

Coming off of an Olympics where he virtually did nothing all that memorable other than beat the crap of a bathroom door, would seem like a disaster but any publicist worth their salt should exploit the hell out of this.

He needs one interview with Ellen or Robin Roberts and then he needs to channel it all up and make a fortune off his image, it will never be more marketable than it is right now

If I were his team, I'd be doubling down and marketing his juvenile frat boy drunken behavior everywhere. He'd be on SNL this week beating down bathroom doors with Michael Phelps stuck inside of them, like a fratboy superhero

I'd have commercials set up with GoDaddy with him diving into an empty pool filed with beer cans.

I'd have him set up with 5 hour Energy, going to raves in his speedos.

This would be worth millions

Monday, August 22, 2016

Take on Papa Bear

Bill O'Reilly is the highest rated FOXNews personality and except for the fact he sucks, he's great. I mean, he's a total moron but it is probably mostly show (Hannity is likely actually a women's underwear wearing Trumpette under his snappy crappy suits ). What gets me is when these guys give you crap like today's tweet which asked how this could be a terrible country who represses minorities if we win a a ton of gold medals

Obviously there is no answer to O'Reilly's rhetorical question other than to agree with his well thought out commentary because nothing makes you appreciate your country more than winning a gold medal in the decathlon

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Take on the one problem with the Olympics

Saying there is one thing that you can't stand about the Olympics is kind of odd between the green pool, corruption, ridiculous unneeded Olympic stadiums, shit filled rowing events, doping, cheating, frat boy behavior and lame family stories there are thousands of things to choose from. But this is what we do and why you pay us the big bucks to do it.
I can't stand that NBC doesn't tell you what event we are watching. Between the Olympic Rings below the peacock, the WR or OR in the other corner and the time in the bottom, why can't they find a place to tell you if the race we are watching is the finals, the semi finals or some heat, that doesn't seem that difficult. Maybe it is their way to make you listen to the broadcast but I find it so annoying that sometimes you look up and cannot tell what the heck you are watching and whether it is an important race or a random heat

You got four years to get this right

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Take on the new Trump

With the firing of his second campaign manager, Donald J Trump seems to have taken a new tact, although I can't imagine it won't really stick
The two most noticeable differences are the rhetoric on the stump and the sophomoric name calling on Twitter. The tweets are still happening, mind you, but it seems to have been either toned down or getting drowned out by the other tweets generating from the @realdonaldjtrump account.
By what is most noticeable is that on the stump he has been a little less edgy and a lot more lame and even he is embarrassed by it as you can tell by the way he's been wearing his Make America Great Again hat which he has pulled so far over his eyes that you can't see those nasty rat like things at all anymore

Jesus, let's hope he goes back off the rails soon because a tame Trump is a lame Trump

Friday, August 19, 2016

Take on the fertility clinic

I thought trying to buy an at-home sperm tester at the local CVS made for an uncomfortable situation but it was nothing than having to walk into a fertility lab.

I decided to get my post vasectomy check in the city as getting an appointment in New Jersey involved having to take a half a day off of work. I find a fertility clinic who runs the test for $75, set up an appointment for lunch time and I'm off. My first issue was that when I start to walk down to the place, I find out it down to a place which wound up being basically in the East River, so by the time I get to 1st avenue and 30th street, I'm a sweaty mess. I walk in and all of a sudden, it's all a bit weird. The people working there were as professional as can be expected but honestly when you walk into a place and they hand you a cup to jizz into, it is bound to be a bit awkward. After filling out some paperwork and handing over $75, they bring me to a special room with a leather chair, a stack of playboys, a DVD player and some Vaseline and tell me to ring the bell when I'm done. I'm in a shirt and tie, in the middle of the day and all of a sudden I think that I may not actually be able to perform even if it's a solo act.

I turn on the DVD, leaf through a couple of magazines and before I realize it, I find myself beating off in a dark room in the second floor of a non-descript townhouse in Manhattan .
I have to say that this wasn't exactly where I thought I'd be when I was thinking about my future as a twenty year old.

But I'm a professional and once I got into it a bit I was able to get myself ready and finished. I wash my hands, grab a napkin, seal the cup thing and I'm off

I guess this was a better way to spend my lunch hour than grabbing a $5 footlong from Subway

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Take on Trump's psychological deflection syndrome

The further along we go the more apparent it is that Trump does this textbook Psychological Deflection.  I studied psychology in college and this is an example when a person projects their own inadequacies or issues upon somebody else to deflect it from them to attribute those qualities upon somebody else 

He says that Hillary gets tired and needs to go back home to sleep in her bed when he himself goes back to Trump Tower every night

he implies that Hillary's health is an issue but the letter he released seems forged

he makes a huge thing about veterans yet gets caught up in the Kahn debacle 

he calls Cruz- Lyin' Ted yet he is caught doing the same countless times 

he speaks about the Russians having access to Hillary's server yet he has deeper ties than anybody and implored them to do it 

he called out Romney for not releasing his taxes, yet he doesn't do it himself 

he knocks McCain for being captured when he didn't even go to war

he speaks about a dishonest press yet he hires Roger Ailes and, by the way, his son in law owns a newspaper

he speaks about trade packs losing American manufacturing jobs yet he sends out a ton of his Trump branded products outside

he speaks about corruption in Washington but readily admits that he has given millions to campaigns for access and favors

he speaks about immigrants as if they are a cancer to society yet he is married to one who, apparently, came here under questionable circumstances 

he knocks Clinton on infidelity yet has had three wives one of which he apparently cheated on

he speaks glowingly about his children yet  there is the one from his second marriage who he completely forgets 

it's like kid who does something wrong but just can't avoid telling his parents that he did.  He just invites the scrutiny 

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Take on Ryan Lochte and the other three swimmers

when the reports about Ryan Lochte and a couple of his swimming buddies getting robbed at gun-point in Rio started coming up two days ago, I sent an email to two friends.

from:  TOR
to Christopher J XXXXXCathy XX
I bet that Ryan Lochte was at at one of those fine Brazilian establishment frequented by our friend last night when he got "held up at gunpoint"

they dismissed it as TMZ fodder, but I knew better.   There is no way that a 30 year old Olympic champ who dyes his hair and has a reputation of partying was going to check out a Fine Art Exhibit on a Saturday Night at 3AM.   He may have been going to check out art, it just was more of the performance art type..

today it comes out that RIO police have held their passports and are continuing the questioning of them.    I know that he looked flat coming out of that 200M individual medley finishing in 5th, and now you know why

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Take on Roger Ailes

You can't kill a cockroach!!

Roger Ailes, one of the most despicable human beings to have ever walked down sixth avenue in NYC (and that is saying a lot) just can't be killed. He sexually harasses women for two decades at FoxNews gets ousted, along with the ultimate golden parachute, and within a couple of weeks he's on Trump's campaign staff. If there was ever a man who could turn this campaign around, it is Roger Ailes who knows more about media, coverage, spin and greasing the right wheels than anybody and we should all be afraid. Right now the official role is only as a debate coach, but let's not bury our heads in the sand, Roger Ailes plays to win and he will be the one guy who might actually turn this thing around...that is until he gave Ivanka's ass

Monday, August 15, 2016

Take on the crazies

The crazies are convinced that Obama is a secret Muslim and hates America yet their choice has direct ties to Russia including Ivanka vacationing with Putin's girlfriend, Manafort doused with Russian underground money, Trump's reluctance to releasing his taxes which people are (seriously) speculating is because of ties to Russia and of course Trump's open public courtship with Putin    Add to that his battle with Kahn, his insult of McCain and the fact he makes all his crappy suits in China    There is nobody who seems to have less regard for America than Donald J Trump, yet OHannibeck and company let him skate.  


I can't imagine the outrage if this was the other way around


Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, August 14, 2016

Take on the SpermCheck home test

I realized that six weeks have past since I went under the knife which was the amount of time my doctor said I needed to come back to make sure the pipes were clean. Apparently, even after a they cut the supply line, there is a chance a couple of the suckers stay alive waiting to cause major trauma upon an unsuspecting 40 year old father of three, so they want you to come back in and ejaculate into a cup so they can check. Not wanting to go back to a doctor's office for this (I'm not good under pressure) I searched the interweb for something I could do a bit more discreetly and low and behold there is an over the counter option. It's like the equivalent of an over the counter pregnancy test but for dudes. The issue is that after I got home from CVS, the one they sell is not the vasectomy version but the fertility version which just tells a dude whether he has Michael Phelps swimmers (two stripes) or if he has that weird Ukrainian dude who looked like he puked in the pool (one stripe). The issue is that it only tells you how strong the athletes are not whether they pool has been cleared because a two year old dropped a deuce in the pool.

There is nothing like having to return a SpermCheck box at your local CVS when you don't have a receipt. They ask you a hundred questions, call over a manager and make them give you your drivers license number to boot. Glad to know the entire town now thinks my boys can't swim

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Take on IK Enemkpali

A year ago a little know Defensive End basically ended Geno Smith's season by punching him in the jaw and opening the door for Ryan Fitzpatrick. Today it all came full circle when he suffered what was described as a "major" knee injury and basically ended his season. I'm sure Geno's got a nice little smile on his face today. Couldn't have happened to a nicer guy than IK. I'm sure Geno's got a little smile going and nobody can blame him

Friday, August 12, 2016

Take on the cheap Chinese takeout

I have a friend who is convinced that all the cheap Chinese restaurants are set up to spy on Americans under the guise of cheap food.  I'm talking about those places where they have the 12x12 pictures on he walk illuminated by fluorescent light.  Think about it, it's a perfect front, every town in America has one, so they never look out of place yet there are never any people who actually eat there.  They also almost always have some 9 year old kid at the place which is undoubtedly there version of The Americans

The same guy also told me that he is preparing for the apocalypse and that when it does, he plans to blow up all the credited in and out of Vermont, so he along with his Vermontian brethren will finally rule the world 

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Take on the Hillary tweets

Hillary is better than Trump in everything...except maybe tweeting. It is not because Trump is this masterful Tweeter, but he is always interesting. Hillary on the other hand is kind of like following your crazy aunt on Twitter, it's mainly just boring but except for one or two examples, it is also very bland and vanilla. I am not sure it matters, you could make a very solid point that being good in expressing yourself in 140 characters is not presidential since the most popular tweeters are morons like Kim Kardashian and nobody wants a celebrity whose only real accomplishment is marketing themselves being president