Tuesday, September 18, 2018
It's so sad to see a grown man struggle to form a coherent simple sentence and when he sort of does it's hard to understand him with all the self-felating he does. But now we know how difficult that might actually be for him, with his stumpy mushroom dick, he can't have it easy especially since he doesn't at all look flexible.
Today was classic Trump as he described the water flooding as one the wettest we've ever seen in terms of water. Somebody show him the Seinfeld clip about not being over to over-wet laundry because the guy needs to get out more.
Monday, September 17, 2018
But either way she actually did a none shit-bag thing which for her is shocking considering she's a shit-bag and doing shit-bag things is sort of her schtick.
What it does do is that it plays well into the new working theory in working on that she's the author of the OpEd.
The reason we in this newsroom believe this might the case goes as follows
- George Conway seem like he might genuinely not be a shit-bag and unlike his wife he seems to have morals and..gulp...a heart. I can't imagine somebody with that actually being married to somebody who is the real life version of Cruella DeVille. So unless this is just the way the two of them flirt and get their rocks off, or they are in discussion for a new Carville-Matalin show, the match seems odd.
- Maybe, just maybe, she's slightly less of a shit-bag than we thought. On second thought, she's a total shit-bag because as a friend said to me. "If she is the OpEd author it somehow makes her even worse" which is just shocking to imagine since she's already at a level 12 on the shit-bag category
- this one statement may be benign but Kellyanne is the most calculated political hack of all time, she almost never gets caught off guard and is able to spin on a dime.
- the Woodward book tells stories of her secretly removing paperwork from the President's desk which is exactly what the OpEd implies.
- she's the least likely to have been the author outside of Little Don, Ivanka and dumb Eric which sort of makes her the most likely. She knows that Trump would try to snuff out her author and she would be on the very short list of people that nobody would suspect.
But I'm banking on Old George to have some influence on her which isn't totally shit-baggy
Sunday, September 16, 2018
For a Trump Tweet it sort of misses the hot take hard angle, it sounds about as genuine as an informercial and is about as interesting as one
Saturday, September 15, 2018
We all know that kids who watch too much TV are likely addicted and getting them to be not addicted does sound sort of good, they sit around stationary and before they know it they are going to be 500 pounds. So maybe other fat kids being near sided is a good thing as these kids can't see each other.
Back in my day we would get near sighted the same way we got hairy palms.
Friday, September 14, 2018
He has always been known as the dumb one when it came to Trump's spawn which when you combine it with the fact that he was a buck toothed slob is likely the reason his dad always kind of hated him. But somehow he has gotten both dumber AND uglier which is hard to do when your bar is already so low.
I can't quite explain what it is but he went from this dorky fat rich kid to this dorky rich dork kid to this slicked hair dorky kid and somehow the change actually makes him look worse.
See somewhere between Trump winning and today, he decided to grow this horrible beard, slick his hair back and hang out with some dude named Brad Parscale who looks like an extra on Jersey Shore. I can't imagine a worse way for spending a day than flying cross country with these two meatheads with there stupid shades on inside their gold airplane.
The look on Eric's face is obviously that of a guy who is wondering if the other guy forgot to wipe his ass or he forgot himself.
Thursday, September 13, 2018
But the best is seeing there GOP big wigs respond to questions about his idiotic tweets as they all just go with the "I haven't seen the tweet" response, which could only be true if they literally had their heads up Trump's gigantic ass because there is no way to avoid any of it
the holy church did nothing. I'm not religious man but could be considered spiritual and see the distinction as pretty simplistic
I cannot imagine trying to follow (and defend) a religion which is based on seeing man's flaws and claims to "do good" yet hides behind its cloak when it has been more than apparent that their priests are a bunch of sex obsessed perverts.
The church which would consciously move these priests from parish to parish carries all the blame and when you hear that the amount of victims is in the thousands, you have to think that somebody in the Vatican Human Resources is not doing a great job in vetting these guys
I'm all for any priest caught doing this getting locked in the room with the most hung prisoner and let the old father know how it feels.
Tuesday, September 11, 2018
Trump doesn't understand civility, he doesn't understand compassion, he doesn't understand decency and he doesn't understand humanity. Nobody should ever confuse today for anything other than the most somber one in our country's existence and only Pearl Harbor day is close.
Also, it might be appropriate for the President of the United States to wear a black suit on a day like today and not a pair of 42L black pants with a XXL navy blue jacket. This guy could take some style lessons from me and I shove The Daily News into my jacket pockets like a homeless guy
Anyway, glad Trump is having fun. He is a lunatic
Monday, September 10, 2018
The questions I have are
- who the hell make up the remaining 8% of Democrats?
- what did the last three months do to turn 10% of independents away from Trump. I mean it's been a horrible three months but not any more horrible than the previous three
- the 18% of Republicans who don't approve seems low somehow. There have to be plenty of well intentioned, smart, coherent white breads left in that party who aren't fooled by this con. Or at least more than 18%
Sunday, September 9, 2018
See Nikki Haley is the consummate opportunist and will happily take down Trump as she has shown her base just enough dissent to distance herself and just enough embrace that the craziest think she's one of them. In other words she is the perfect politician and the chances of her having written than OpEd is rising although we work believe it was written by one Kellyanne Conway
Saturday, September 8, 2018
We are now a country that arrests a guy for making a stupid face. What he hell are we becoming if this is what we do. Forget calling the media he enemy the people, you are now saying the people are the enemy of the people
Morons, every one of them
Friday, September 7, 2018
So maybe the gloves are finally off, but sadly for both men, neither has proven been much of a campaigner for anybody but themselves
Thursday, September 6, 2018
As if Brett Kavanaugh wasn't a creepy enough guy, he brought a bunch of high school girls to his confirmation meeting. Roy Moore immediately kicked a chair in his outhouse, angry that he lost that race. See Kavanaugh is a weird looking guy as we already described but parading a bunch of 15 year olds in front of creepy old men like John Cornyn has got to be a new low for the upper chamber. I'm just surprised the photo he took from his angle wasn't of him pleasuring himself.
Anyway, here is to hoping John Cornyn zipper his penis when putting on his pants tomorrow
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, September 5, 2018
We out together a cheat sheet
It would be MadDogMattis as he's on his way out and thinks Trump has the intelligence of a fifth grader which is an insult to a bunch of fifth graders. But is think he'd wait till he's fired and then put his name on this thing....after he decapitated Sean Spicer
It's might be General Kelly who would have the ability to influence the most and has shown visible disdain for the president but it seems to easy.
It could be Pence who's choir boy image never quite meshed with Trump. And twitter thinks that his use of lodestar is a dead give away. I think it is just another official trying to throw us off the trail
Maybe it the Big Huck but she's likely too busy chomping down on a burger
It might be Ivanka but she's likely too busy powdering her bush
It could be Kushner but he is a winy wiener
Might be Miller although that would mean he had a decent bone in his body, which he doesn't have
Kudlow could be a candidate but he's been around for a week.
I've thought about the other secretaries but none of them have enough powder to influence all the policies needed to contain the president, like the interior or the EPA alone can't be enough. Maybe it's a concerted effort amongst them all, like Voltron.
So we think it is Kellyanne, the ultimate heel
Tuesday, September 4, 2018
The Supreme Court justices are as a whole not a good looking bunch. Alito looks like a dad who wears socks with his crocs, Sotomayor looks like she got her haircut using an outlet, Thomas' haircut starts three quarters up his head and ends on his back and Ginsberg is older than dirt. Roberts is a normal looking dude with eyes that aren't symmetrical and Gorsuch has that stately look although you know he doesn't wear underwear under the robe and is playing pocket pool. Kagan is buck-toothed and Breyer has a weird dick in the mashed potatoes look
I'm not totally sure what it is but there is something especially odd looking about Brett Kavanaugh. The rosy red cheeks are a certain sign of a guy who likes his scotch at night AND in the morning, the bad toupee makes him look like a sex offender, the odd W Bush smile makes him look like he is a bumbling buffoon and his ears are like stapled to his head. He looks like he uses mascara and he has all these weird pimples like he is a prepubescent 12 year old who ate an entire pie of Dominos. He has three chins and his eyes are similar to those of a weasel which is appropriate considering his weaselnessie.
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, September 3, 2018
I mean the guy is completely typecast as a badass Mexican gangbanger and usually doesn't actually have any lines other than "I'm here to kill your wife and drink her blood" in Spanish.
Anyway, maybe he's the guy who was caught in that van or maybe he is the brother or that dude's doppelgänger is the baddest most heavily tattooed Mexican this side of Trump's stupid wall.
Sunday, September 2, 2018
Where the calories aren't worth it unless it's going to be a an good beer. I'm quickly become a beer snob as I'll only drink a hoppy IPA at this point, you'd never catch me with a Bud in the same way you couldn't catch me eating white chocolate any more. I need more bitterness, more compete flavor and less piss water.
When I mentioned this to somebody they agree on the Miller Lite thing but asked about a Heineken which has a proud Dutchman I should embrace but honestly that stuff is awful. Every Heineken I've ever had in the USA tastes like a skunk urinated into a green bottle and somebody paid $11 for six of them and brought them to your house for a party. That stuff makes my teeth hurt
Saturday, September 1, 2018
Friday, August 31, 2018
Now Trump is going to go to the biggest stadium he can find in Texas (hi Jerry!!) and likely use the opportunity to talk about himself for two hours and then maybe mention Cruz for a second.
Then hopefully Cruz loses to this Beto guy and Trump goes back to bashing Cruz like a belligerent drunk at a Yankee-Red Sox game.
Thursday, August 30, 2018
To me the biggest mistake for Trump was to ever use the National Enquirer for anything other than the grocery store rag it is. It seems to me the only reason that the trove of Trump stories that are going to leak now have any juice is because he legitimized them by trying to buy them all. If he had ignored them -like any normal person would- it would have gotten a day of press and he could have just said it was fake news and nobody would have shrugged. But now we're all dying to find out which prostitutes he had pee on him, which babies he has fathered with illegal immigrants and which aliens have visited him at Trump Tower