Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Take on the Trump Pie Chart

The failing and very unfair Washington Post put out a very biased poll today which took their eye off the prize and ignored Trump's landslide victory and complete mandate. Well it was sort of silly but, at least, it was sort a nice distraction from our Dear Leader shoving his tiny foot in his gigantic mouth. The pie chart showed how Trump presumable spent his first 744 hours, the most striking thing was of course that he spent about 75% less time on Intelligence Briefings than he did on golf and we know that at least 15 minutes on briefings was done while lobster bisque was being served at Mar-a-Lago. Most people are upset about this, especially in light of Trump's constant trolling of Obama's golfing while president but I'm not one of them. I'd like to see Trump at golf every single day, preferably at Andrews Air-force Base which is a hop, skip and a jump (and a helicopter ride) away from The White House, instead of the $3 million dollar weekend jaunts down to Florida. I mean what sane person would care if he plays golf, it only means he can spend that much less time messing thing up. I could see a bunch of Trumpettes being upset because it would take time away from repealing Obamacare, building walls, starting wars, breaking treaties, undermining alliances, exiting trade deals and every other horrible thing he wants to do.

From the official tally, it sounded like Obama played 333 rounds of golf while president, which is nothing compared to Woodrow Wilson's 1200 or Ike's 800 rounds.

Trump is at 6 or something, so he has some serious catching up to do

Monday, February 20, 2017

Take on Milo

When I first heard of Milo Yiannopoulos it was as part of the Alt-Right movement and I just assumed he was some right wing Greek guy as part of a new age of neofascism pushing across Europe. I read a few things he wrote, saw a few news pieces, watched the protests at Berkeley and just assumed he was the face for neo-right with Steve Bannon as the brains. A libertarian with an ability to get under your skin, a more vocal Peter Thiel if you must. Not until I saw him on Bill Maher did it become clear that this was nothing of the sort, after 10 minutes I turned to my wife and said "this has to be shtick, right?" I mean, he was so clearly trolling both the liberals and the conservatives with his over the top Borat thing, that nobody could take him seriously, yet everybody does. Even Maher seemed in on it. If Bannon is pure evil, Miller is sadistic, then Yiannopoulos is the smartest man in the room because he's pulled on over everybody. He's a more ridiculous Colbert, he's an actor plays a flamboyant European transplant with a ridiculous Greek last name with more vowels than a Sesame Street episode and says the most outrageous thing and then tops it with another, and people are up in arms

Today all the talk will be about his pedophilia thing, and as repugnant as that is, I have to believe that's just all part of the act. Performance art designed to elicit a powerful emotion all on the unsuspecting minds of the GOP and their freedom of speech caucus. I get that it all comes across as bizarre but that makes it all the more perfect, an act so over the top that you can only shriek in defiance. This is Skip Bayless, this is The Iron Sheik, this is Sacha Baron Cohen at his absolute best and everybody is freaking the hell out which is exactly the goal

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Take on Dancing in the Darkness

I finally figured out what makes Chris Christie so obsessed with Donald Trump, it's probably not the hard charging bully thing or the meatloaf, it's that Trump pretends he's Springsteen. Yesterday during the beginning of the 2020 presidential campaign, Trump pulled Courtney Cox onto the stage and he guy practically made out with him. The dude had been waiting on line for 14 hours like he was some obsessed Yankee fan and got serenaded by the president in front of the entire world. We found out later that Mr. Cox has a cardboard cutout of Trump which he salutes daily, presumably on his knees
Hope there was some extreme vetting on this psycho before he got on stage and then crowd surfed back to his seat

Saturday, February 18, 2017

Take on Trump's survey

Trump's Make America Great Again, Again committee put out a survey to poll Americans on the levels of bias in the Main Stream Media and it reads as if The Donald himself wrote it.  Long gone are the days of policy defended in long form, it now has to fit nearly into 140 characters for our president because he can't keep his attention for much more than that.   Well the survey is another doozie, with questions like


There are so many double negatives in this thing that you can't even fill it out quickly because every question reads like. Do you not like the person who you hate more than the person who you only sort of hate?     I'm sure that after this stupid survey gets passed around the country, Big Don will not like the findings of it, because it's hard to convince a country a country that they have an enemy when that enemy is the only sensible voice in the room. 
Anyway, fill it out and sign it Eric Trump 





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Friday, February 17, 2017

Take on MeatloafGate

Poor Chris Christie, he's had a rough patch lately.   First he lost all credibility over BridgeGate which in turn lost all his popularity.  He then got trounced in the republican nomination, then he hitched his wagon to Trump until being unceremoniously dumped on the eve of the inauguration.  He then  finally does get invited back to the White House and when he gets there he is told by Trump to order anything on the menu which, to a guy like Chris Christie, is like waking up for Christmas morning. And then, not three minutes later, when the waiter shows up, Trump tell him that both he and Chris will have the meatloaf.   Trump knows how to emasculate a man better than anybody (little Marco, Low Energy Jeb!) and he did a masterful job at it with the (not) lovable governor of our fair state.  
But I'm calling FakeNews on this, because the thing about MeatloafGate is that we all know that Big Chris was going to order the meatloaf anyway.  There was no way that he was ordering the arugula-kale salad with baby corn and quinoa, so this all Much Ado About Nothing.   It would be like me asking my two year old if she'd like ice cream or broccoli.  For the sake of expediency, I'd already be at the freezer with that weird looking ice scooper thing.  

With all that said, I would love to try that meatloaf, it does sound delicious. 



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Thursday, February 16, 2017

Take on leaked Fake news

Some people want to have their cake and eat it too and one of those is our cake eating commander in chief. Trump is like Def Leppard, he has about five good songs all wrapped into one Hysteria.

When things go bad and people aren't interested in hearing the newest studio release, they go to the hits like Pour Some Sugar on Me and that one other song people know. In Trump's case he either turns to crowd size (lie), the fake news (dangerous) and failing news (silly), his own alternative facts (stupid) people treating him unfairly (boohoo), electoral mandate (sort of) and Hillary/Obama (lame).

But most of the time he goes to only one of them to defend himself and placate his audience but today he went with the Triple Lindy and went Fake News and Obama based Leaks and threw a crowd size, electoral college falsehood and snowflakes in there for good measure. The weird thing is that you can't have it both ways, it's either Fake News or they are illegal leaks. If they aren't real, then they aren't legitimate leaks and if they are real then, by definition, they can't be fake news. What he probably did was mistake his Fake News for his Failing News thing which is understandable since they both start with an F and have "News" after it.

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Take on buyers remorse

Donald Trump has been president for less than a month and has fulfilled a ton of promises, mostly that he'll get things done.  You can fault the man for a lot but not for lack of effort.  But with the latest Gallup poll dropping his approval rating to the level of GWB post Katrina, you wonder how much more he (and the country) can take 
You can't complain that there are leaks and then also say it's fake news when they are reported.  It is either a leak or it's just garbage, there are no grey areas.     They have now come under tremendous scrutiny and it's time for Paul Ryan and Mitch McConnell to step up and put country first which is about as likely to happen as Trump staying off of Twitter for 24 hours because I'm not sure there is a vertebra between the two of them.  
Then I heard somebody say that for the good of the country and the world, the left should stop goading Trump with this Russia stuff because, as you can see from his tweets today, he will feel the need to prove he can be tough which will likely lead to some international incident (and change the narrative for Trump).   

I like how the responsibility of the world not ending now squarely falls on the shoulders of a bunch of latte drinking, tree hugging, pizza parlor visiting, kale eating, man hating, non sock matching, gay sex having, iguana owning, Prius driving, tandem bike riding, Chardonnay drinking, Roger Goodell supporting sycophants 

Time to learn Russian 



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Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Take on the Valentines Day Massacre

I've been thinking of ranking the Trump inner circle from most dangerous to least and it was a doozy but today my job got a little easier

Michael Flynn was on top of the list, either right in front or right Steve Bannon and nobody wants to be that close to that stinking pile of human flesh. Stephen Miller is up there but his youth gives him a chance for redemption although he seems like a complete wacko.

Kellyanne Conway is more sleazy than dangerous and she'll be gone before the weekend and Spicer is just a doofus who is going to get minimized shortly. Priebus is just a suit, so I'm not that worried about him either. But Michael Flynn had that camp groundskeeper with a hacksaw look in his eyes and that was probably the best part of him. This guy is certainly a hypocrite, possibly a traitor and likely a criminal (lying to the FBI). The only question now is if he is covering for his boss and complicit in obstruction.

If the DoJ told Trump about this on January 26th and then Trump sent Pence out a week later to tell Chuck Todd that all was good without Pence knowing, then who is bludgeoning who? Pence either knew and lied or was not told the truth and made to look like a schmuck claiming now he found out about it when the Washington Post went to print.

But the fact that he might be compromised didn't bother Trump because Trump is probably compromised if the dossier has any truth to it. Why else has he gone after every solid ally we have (Australia, Mexico, NATO) and has been softer on Russia than his own soft belly

Either way we need an investigation because the ties to Russia are deep and dangerous although asking our elected officials to put country over party is about as likely as having Trump replace Flynn with Gandhi

Monday, February 13, 2017

Take on the smug smile

While both his and Abe's inner circles were frantically looking for cell phones to illuminate the super secret intel about the latest North Korean provocation, our Dear leader sat back and took it all in, like a mentally challenged six year old. I get that not every president handles a crisis quite the same, Obama liked to listen, Reagan went to his advisors, Herbert drew on his experience from the CIA, W liked to color and Bubba told the girl under the table to go faster, so it's not surprising that Trump has his own way. Trump takes the opportunity to marvel at the curtains and carpeting and cutlery at Mar-a-Lago and thinks about the impromptu speech to a newlywed couple in the main ballroom 100 feet away.
A campaign which was punctuated with "lock her up" chants because of Hillary's questionable use of classified materials, now put their own classified information spread on the table right over the lobster bisque and the peppers with anchovies, so they could read it clearly. Didn't seem to matter that waiters were refilling water glasses and club members were taking photos, because Trump is Trump and the rules only apply to other people.

Great job America

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Take on the Stephen Miller Band

I have a buddy who has a striking resemblance to Stephen Miller, down to the creepy eyes but nothing could prepare me for that abomination I saw today when Miller stopped by George Snuffleupagus on the This Week set. Miller who is 36 and might very well still be a virgin, looked like a child when confronted with a simple question of "show me the facts". Unlike Kellyanne Conway, who is a seasoned political snake, Miller came across as a toothless gecko who sounded like he was arguing politics on a anonymous online forum. Of course we all awaited his bosses tweet on his performance which read, to me, as the same vote of confidence Phil Jackson will give Jeff Hornacek in April this year.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Take on the abused Ivanka

When Trump tweeted "I am so proud of my daughter Ivanka. To be abused and treated so badly by the media, and to still hold her head so high, is truly wonderful!" I thought immediately that something had happened. Maybe the FailingNYTimes had put out a hit piece about her fashion line, the failingWashingtonPost had a story about her not being a good mom or the winningNationalInquirer had a story of her having an affair with Rosie O'Donnell. But looking through Twitter I couldn't find anything other than the Nordstrom scrum from earlier in the week. The one who got beat us about that were Daddy Trump and the one chick who looks like a cross between Sarah Jessica Parker and a troll.
What shocks me is that I actually think the media has been pretty fair to Ivanka, many people seeing her as the most reasonable voice in her fathers circle. Although that is like saying your the prettiest fat girl considering the rest of that circle involves Trump sons Beavis and Butthead, Stephen "crazy legs" Miller and a guy in Steve Bannon who actually looks like a fat woman.
But I guess Trump feels that she's been wronged, so much that she has actually been abused which is pretty strong language especially considering the way Melania seems to cower whenever The Big Don comes her way.

Friday, February 10, 2017

Take on the great negotiator

So much for the brilliant negotiator... what trump lacked in experience, temperament, ability and competence was all going to made up by his ability to make great deals. What those deals are is still completely unclear but if his negotiation tactics with China are any indication, we better all learn to speak Mexican. Trump broke with long precedent by speaking with the president of Taiwan breaking The One China policy set out by Jimmy Carter. This was seen as a shot across the bow, Trump's method of showing China whose boss.

In retaliation, Xi Jinping refused to take Trump's call and after three weeks in office, the great negotiator came back and said he'd stay with the One China policy which only showed how weak our president is.

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Take on @Rosie

There aren't many things I agree with Trump on, the lone exception might be that I never thought Rosie O'Donnell was all that special or funny...until today.
She just changed her profile picture and it's a doozy, fat Rosie now looks just like fat Steve Bannon and it's glorious. The only thing missing are all those nasty blood blotches he has all over his face like he is about to blow up from a diabetes attack. I'm sure his boss won't be thrilled with this one, only a matter of minutes till he tweets

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Take on the lying president

Trump isn't studious, he isn't meticulous, he isn't detail or fact oriented.   He sees what is fed to him and believes it.   He hears that Chicago has a growing murder rate and thinks, this isn't what it was before so it must mean that it's the highest in history.  He sees a story about voter fraud and thinks that there must be a reason why he lost the popular vote.  He hears that crime is high and thinks that it wasn't that way when he grew up so assumes it is the highest it has been in the last 40-50 years 

He sees a huge crowd at his inauguration and thinks that must be the biggest crowd I've ever seen and can't imagine a bigger one, so he tells everybody it is the biggest one  he hears one story about Mexicans coming across the border with bad intentions and assumes they are all the same.   

He's like the old timer at work who tells you that in his day they'd ship 1000 shipments per day even if the sales number back then don't confirm it, the father who said he walked in foot high snow to school every day.   The story you tell your kids today about playing outside every night until dark which probably happened sometimes but you were home watching tv a whole lot, too.   

It's not all bad intentions but it's what you see, what your own biases tell you and what you choose to believe.  Not a bad way to live through life but a terrible way to set the nations agenda.   See Trump lives in an anecdotal reality, he believes what he sees and reacts off of it.   




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Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Take on FLOTUS

Calling a woman a prostitute is one of the worst things you can say about her, it's an insult that hits so low it's almost inexcusable. The word in itself defines her so, that she's almost paralyzed by it, so when she defends herself she has every right to do so with all her vigor. Melania was accused of just that, a Eastern European high-end call girl before she was swept off her feet my a man in a robe riding in his limo.
She came back and filed a $150million lawsuit which even for me seems a bit much. Whenever you see a lawsuit with an outrageous sum, I have to peak into it to see what the plaintiff is claiming and in this case Melania's claim is as outrageous as the original story. Her claim is that because of this article she has lost her "once-in-a-lifetime opportunity" to leverage multiple business and brands worth millions of dollars. Money she would have been able to earn as a brand ambassador while serving as FLOTUS. Let's leave the completely ridiculous part of a First Lady trying to profit from her role alone, plus the fact she is supposedly already a billionaire but the fact she thinks that her image is worth $150 million is just ludicrous. Her marriage to a petulant man-child with a terrible temperament is enough to sink her line. Maybe she should hawk her crappy stuff on QVC, the people watching that seem more her audience

Monday, February 6, 2017

Take on the new ACA

One of the things that Trump campaigned on was to immediately repeal Obamacare and replace It with something great. After a few weeks the repeal portion seems to be moving very slowly while the replace option is probably even further down the line. For a change, Trump isn't rushing this out and jamming down our throats and he admitted to Papa Bear yesterday that the entire thing might be a year, or so, off. For this we have give credit where it is due. This wouldn't be some inconvenience or even an infringement on liberty and rights but likely something that could literally be life or death. If they repealed it and left millions of people without healthcare we might be playing with fire and would at minimum probably send a bunch of likely Trump voters into personal bankruptcy.

But we all know that the entire replace thing is just going to be Trump taking Obamacare, rebranding it putting a big ribbon on it and rolling it out to the American public as the greatest AAA mortgage backed security ever.

Sunday, February 5, 2017

Take on the lamest Super Bowl party ever

I have to think that the lamest Super Bowl party ever had to be then one held at Mar-A-Lago tonight. It's not that you expect Trump to do it any differently and you gotta be impressed that he's convinced blue collar America that he's their guy while he's watching the Super Bowl while sipping merlot while eating frog legs in a suit with Reince Priebus. This sounds about as much fun as hanging with Bill Belichick will be at about 10pm tonight.

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Take on the separation of powers

I remember sitting in civics class in the eight grade and learning about the Separation of powers to limit each of the three branches from concentrating power. The division of responsibilities is designed to limit any one branch from encroaching on the functions of the others limiting the legislative branch to writing the laws, the executive branch from enforcing it and judicial branch from interpreting the laws. But somehow our president has decided that he is going to throw it all out the window and demand that everybody listen to what he wants and if they defy him, he'll break all the toys and scream until his mom comes out.

Lucky us

Friday, February 3, 2017

Take on Bowling Green Massacre

We often take life for granted, spending more time buried in our iPhones than enjoying the setting sun or listening to the crashing waves. We are always in a hurry, always trying to improve our lot but never appreciating what we do have.

But when imaginary people in a real city lose imaginary lives we take notice. They didn't stand chance when an imaginary boogieman gunned them down under the name of Radical Islamic Extremism (either that or some white supremacist thing, it's kind of hard to keep track) but what they don't know is that our resolve is stronger than hate, bigger than fear and more potent than that green stuff they add to sushi.

But today we remember those who were not lost, those who still breath the air and those who will still have the opportunity to have children whose childhood they can still ruin. These are people who woke up one morning and didn't ask to meet their Maker and for once their wishes were granted and for that they should be thankful, whoever they are or aren't

During this time of national mourning, we ask that all citizens (legal residents should too unless you are some weird Muslim and illegals then please in with your local immigration officer). We ask that rightful citizens and white legal residents please, in solidarity put down your pens and editorials and blogs and come together to heal. We know this country sometimes divides us, and we know that when it does, we are weaker for it and we all know that when we come together and heal we are better for it. So today we come together to honor the victims of the tragedy that wasn't and ask us all to turn around and hug your neighbor, unless your neighbor is some weird child toucher type, then please punch them in their jaw.

America is more than guns and church and apple pie and crappy ABC comedies, America is goodness, it's pushing the little guy down so you can reach you goals, it's deregulation, it's a bunker mentality, it's isolationism, it's Wall Street and SuperFunds, and not just the ones that pay for 50 tons of PCP's dumped into the Hudson.

Our country is about crashes and bubbles and explosions and balloons and it's heart and soul and soul food and Chinese food (we are ok to keep them, I think) and it's you, so today we stand together for everything that is true and right and white

Let us pray

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Take on the first two weeks

Donald Trump is nothing if not incompetent. In nearly two weeks as the Leader of the Free world he has infringed on the rights of lawful residents, he's exaggerated and then doubled down on his crowd sizes, he has threatened to use federal authority to go into Chicago and maybe Mexico, he has driven a wedge between the US and Australia, staunch ally. He has disgraced the CIA fallen wall, he embarrassed himself with his lack of historical knowledge, he has turned the SCOTUS into a game show, he may have forced the military to push a raid in Yemen under circumstances that were far from ideal, he has insulted critics, he has stroked bigotry, he has demonized the press and it's only 14 days in
But the funniest thing is that on Black History month, he spent more time attacking fake news than speaking about the perils of slavery. He made it clear that he had no idea who Fredrick Douglas was and he almost spoke longer about Omarosa than Martin Luther King, Rosa Parks, Douglas and Harriet Tubman combined. But he did let everybody know that he is good friends with Ben Carson because...well..Ben Carson is black. I was surprised he didn't mention Steve Harvey, Kanye West and Bill Cosby.
The good news is that it can't get worse, right? We are all under the impression that Bannon and Miller are running the show and Trump is actually the puppet he denied being.
Thanks America