Friday, July 29, 2016
Thursday, July 28, 2016
They have built roads and rails and airports and now are just awaiting them to be used, and they will, sometime. But until then it's a sad empty landscape of concrete and glass which if there wasn't so much smog, you might actually be able to see
Wednesday, July 27, 2016
I walked into a restaurant today and was greeted by the sight of a dead chicken hanging in the window is always incredibly appetizing, especially when it is 107 degrees outside. When we cook chicken at home, my wife busts out the hazmat suits and anything that the chicken touches gets disinfected with rubbing alcohol and a blowtorch but in China they don't even bother to refrigerate the thing and I doubt the wash their hands before they touch it let alone after they handle it.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, July 26, 2016
Congrats NYT, your readership doesn't need to be convinced to not vote for Trump since they are, by definition, NYT readers but now they are all culprits in the obsession with him because they keep laying out the cash to pay for the paper
Monday, July 25, 2016
First of all after landing in Shanghai for a connection to the heart of China is ludicrous. They literally make you leave the airport in order to check back in. Their concept of a "transfer station" is to get you to the sidewalk with the taxi line and then have to go up three floors to check back in. This is with all your bags after a 14 hour flight in the 100 degree heat.
When you finally get to the check in station, you see why this is still a communist country. It's not political statement, it's just that their concept of VIP means nothing. The service takes forever, they don't have an English speaking person anywhere in the section and they tell you the lounge will be a 25 minute walk to the gate which makes the entire experience about as pleasant as eating gizzard. But what is most telling is that their red carpet looks like the rug of an abandoned crack house. It has rips and cuts and stains and looks like it hasn't been washed ever. I don't care and don't need my feet to walk on rose pedals but what it is, if nothing else, is telling. You are no better than anybody else.
Sunday, July 24, 2016
Also, connecting in China is never easy so we hope to keep the TOR streak alive, we'll blog it every day but realize that we might be a few days late in posting if my VPN doesn't work like it should
Saturday, July 23, 2016
The other thing that we've learned is that, unlike two decades ago, they actually go on on-time which is blessing for a bunch of 40 year old dad's who have kid duty obligations in the morning.
We'll be rocking it out tonight, and somehow I doubt we will be the oldest, palest, baldness or fatest.
Friday, July 22, 2016
But forget all of that, the most disturbing thing about this is the Tom Selleck Borat looking pornstar state senator who negotiated this thing.
Thursday, July 21, 2016
Our first experience on the LIRR was absolutely glorious, we had a cold beer in hand, the twins left on time and we just generally loved life but not 10 minutes after we posted yesterday's TOR Everything changed
I live blogged it for a few buddies, here is the transcript
Now there are a bunch of meatheads discussing going to get lit and killing hookers
So much for this joy ride
I just saw a 24 hour fitness
Jesus, I just got up and these meatheads are in their 50's. WTF is wrong with these people
They are all doubling fisting, it's a commuter rail and it's 6:15
These dudes are going to hammered just in time to get home to beat their kids
Just switched trains at Jamaica, this must be what it feels like in purgatory
I just saw another 24 hour fitness. Next to another 24 hour fitness
I like the fact that all the signs for shit out here don't even include an area code
Every thing is like
"john's auto parts
Just heard some doucebag from Lake Ronkonkoma tell a story about his "fuckin kid hittin a fuckin homer during his little league game that fucking made the entire fucking stadium gasp in fucking horror"
Somebody just farted, it was either the heavy chick sitting next to me or her guide dog. But it stinks
There are a lot less hot chicks on this train than I would have thought
This ride would be a lot better if the doucebag from Hicksville would stop blasting Storm Front through his headphones
In my third transfer (fourth if you count the subway, that IPA seems like it was a century ago
The chick next to me (after my third transfer) is wearing those sneakers with the rounded bottom that supposedly help you tighten your rump. It doesn't look like it is working
Better than the the conductor who just took my ticket had his short sleeve button down half untucked and had a huge coffee stain on it. Classy
Jesus, they LOVE above ground pools around here.
Another 24 Hour Fitness
"Hey honey, should we take a dip?"
"Sure, let me just park the truck on the front lawn and throw a couple of Bud Lites on the grass"
Another stop and I'll be there, God can somebody shut off the Storm Front album
Sent from my iPhone
Wednesday, July 20, 2016
I walk into a train platform today at Hunterspoint Avenue 6:20PM for a 6:30pm train and it has to be the most pleasant experience of my life. No pushing, no lines, no standing in a 100 degree vestibule, no standing around at all actually. Just a friendly South Shore kid selling $2.50 beers with a smile and a "Thank You, Sir" when I told him to give me back $7
I could get used to this
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
We're now 12 hours away and people are still
Picking out plagiarized lines from that speech and our take is that as awful as it is, the act it came from Michelle Obama's makes it that much worse. Had this been taken from Barbara Bush or Nancy Reagan, it would have at least been justifiable for the Republican base but not this, can't wait to have Trump tell us about his own childhood growing up in Kenya as a secret billionaire Muslim
Monday, July 18, 2016
Sunday, July 17, 2016
But hell really hit me,l when we entered the park. I had forgotten why every local was in the Hamptons this weekend because is 95 degrees and the park is swarming with tourists who are not at all concerned that I'm running late and that binding give a flying rats ass that they are looking for Strawberry Fields. And when I almost got run over by some dipshit on a CityBike, I just about lost it when I told him to shove his crappy bike up his Midwestern ass.
I had already spent my morning getting my girls dressed which involved me screaming at the top of my lungs for guys, had their hit brushed which was like the equivalent of taking a rusty rake through some foot high weeds and had threatened them with every thing I could think of to make sure they smiled during the session
I'll pick up my Father of The Year award next week
Saturday, July 16, 2016
When Trump announced that Mike Pence would be his running mate we all knew he did it against his own judgement. He wanted Big Chris by his side but apparently the Trump kids convinced Donald that Pence was the choice
What was more odd was the decision to unveil the new logo which looks like a gigantic penis breaking the seal of a gigantic sphincter. If this isn't the perfect logo to describe how hard Trump is going to anally rape Mike Pence, The GOP and this country, I don't know what would be. Hopefully Pence will bring plenty of lube although those small Donald hands prods my means it won't hurt that much.
Sent from my iPhone
Friday, July 15, 2016
Thursday, July 14, 2016
I would have thought the backlash after Brexit would have dampened the Trump fervor but like almost anything else it just encourages it further. I'm still confident in that Trump will never be president but I've been wrong every step along the way, so no reason to believe that will change any time soon
Wednesday, July 13, 2016
Friday will end Trump's quest for a VP and hopefully for him it will last longer than the one Ted Cruz chose right before his not sank. There are three dogs left in the race, and I do mean dogs. Mike Pence who has about as much charisma as the chick who works at the Rec department, Newt Gingrich whose fist name describes him perfectly and Chris Christie who has a first name that is also his last name and who probably ate a box of donuts since we started to write this blog
We have been on record for months that Big Chris is Donald's guy here, he has a matching bravado and temperament and fits the bill perfectly as he has the appearance of being strong on terrorism and crime even he isn't really. He is a fatter louder Rudy Guiliani. Many people think that it will be Pence but I don't see it, first of all voters aren't that stupid to overlook the fact that Trump is the anti-Christ in a cheap Chinese made suit just because he chose some lame social conservative who looks like the guy who somebody kicked him in the nuts and he told them that if they ever did that again he'd tell the teacher, even though he was 40 at the time. Newt is interesting in that he knows how to divide a congress as well as anybody and that is exactly what a president Trump faces but he also has the stench of establishment all over him and Trump is dying to keep that stench off of that cheap suit and ridiculously long tie
So we stuck by our prediction, big Chris and Donald will be cozying up together come Friday, I'd hate to be the Bologna in that sandwich
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, July 12, 2016
Monday, July 11, 2016
But the "go" version is supposedly a virtual live action game or something like that and it will probably lead to a bunch of dorky kids getting run over by cars
Sunday, July 10, 2016
After taking a turn off of the main road, we found ourselves in the wilderness today, bright but mountains, green and hippies. The world looked peaceful but exciting and for the first time in years, I did what any Griswold was born to do, I took the road less travelled. The issue was that my 250 feet of gravel travel lead to the back tire of my 2014 Honda Odyssey springing a leak almost immediately which ended my off road adventure about 100 paces off the main road and I then spent the rest of my vacation day editing on AAA
Oh. The life I live