Sunday, April 20, 2014

Take on the overreaction

I love sports and the soundtrack of my life was sports radio until my
kids discovers the Frozen soundtrack, so I am never all that surprised
when a pundit decides the world is over based on one game. I can't
say I have watched a single NBA game this year, so have no idea if the
Pacers are as good as they were originally advertised but have to
imagine they didn't just decide to suck a month ago. This is the way
a miserably long season goes, at some point teams decide they are
going to gear up go on a playoff run and take the pedal off the metal.
So this 'collapse' I read about is really about one playoff loss
after a regular season ending where the team just went thought the
motions.
My guess is the Pacers will get their acts together, win this round
and then another before bowing out to the Heat in 6 or 7. Then the
idiots like Greenberg and Francesa will talk about this team being on
the cusp of a championship and they aught to be considered a favorite
to win it all next year.

Or not. Who gives a crap

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Take on parenting 101

Just heard that there are hippy Brooklyn Parents sending their kids to
school wearing weighted vests and I just about lost it. These
hyperactive but otherwise normal kids are being physically weighed
down in order to slow them down which I guess is better than Ritalin
but I have to think this is a very short sighted solution. Like any
other form of weight training, this will only make you stronger. I can
only imagine what happens when these kids take that vest off. It must
be like a pogo stick when they finally get freed which sounds
absolutely frightening for overtired parents

Then again, I have criticized other parenting styles to only find
myself falling into that exact same solution behavior, so don't be
shocked if a couple of weighted vests are heading from Amazon to the
Jersey suburbs.

Friday, April 18, 2014

Take on the tip for the outdoor parking lot attendant

Is there any more ridiculous tipping situation than when you pick up
your car from an outdoor parking garage? I go to pick up my car
today, wait around for about 5 minutes as the dude is playing Tetris
with a six cars which is ridiculous because my car is sitting right in
the front row. I feel like I could just step into it and drive off
but don't want to have a policeman pull me over for stealing my own
car. The dude finally walks up to me, I give him my ticket and he
walk two steps to my car, steps in, starts the car and drives it up no
more than 3 feet, turns the car off and gets out of the car. I now
feel like I need to drop a buck in his hand when in actually waiting
for the guy cost me more time than if I had just stepped into the car
and drove off and what he actually did was nothing except probably
cause some damage to my starter for starting the engine and shutting
if off two seconds later.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Take on the MH370 conspiracy

I had dinner with a master conspiracy theorist a few nights ago. One 
thing lead to another and after a couple of IPA's he let loose on the 
state of the Malaysian flight 

With everything else going on in the works (Ukraine on the brink of 
civil war, horrible story of the Korean ferry, anniversary of the 
Boston bombing etc) the missing plane has gone under the radar...AND 
THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT MY BUDDY THOUGHT WOULD HAPPENED. 


See he has this theory that US government is behind this entire thing 
and the other 'news' coming on CNN and the USA Today are all designed 
distractions from the real story. He says that his research shows 
that the pilot was forced from the cockpit by a couple of goatee 
having cell-phone on their belt wearing, polo shirt wearing, OfficeMax 
looking terrorists, who proceeded to take the flight at 5000 feet 
towards a secret American naval base on some remote island in the 
heart of the Indian Ocean by shadowing another 777 in the same 
airspace to avoid ground radar detection. The reason behind this 
goatee hijacking was that there were three guys on the plane who held 
a patent on some form of computer integration and the FBI wanted that 
technology. So, his theory states, they hijacked the flight and have 
been keeping it hidden on this naval base while the goatee assailants 
have been running around starting an all out proxy-war using 
Heartbleed to attack the cyber security of Russia through a complex of 
hacked websites in retaliation to the Crimea escalation. The FBI, 
working along Mossad have be running a counter intelligence through 
emissary Rodman to infiltrate the leadership of Korea who has been 
funding the uprising in the Ukraine using a combination of missiles 
bought from Pakistan, paid for by Iranians and smuggled through 
Kazakhstan by German special ops as they are hoping to destabilize the 
region to get the Eastern European countries out of NATO and 
eventually our of the EU. Meanwhile the Turks are secretly tunneling 
into the Gazprom gas lines and sending gas over the Black Sea under 
shortening oil labels to Singapore at an 45% discount off the market 
so that they can eventually take over the Malaysian Pennisula. This 
is done to begin the process of an Al Qaeda home-base in South East 
Asia for attacks on Chinese exports to bring the cost of raw materials 
up for the USA and make all Americans pay higher prices for LCD TV's. 
This will lead to domestic arguments, more divorce and infighting and 
the only thing that can bring peace back to earth is the long awaited 
Dream Theater reunion tour which will really be method of sending a 
new complex morse code using odd time-signatures to the Venezuelans 
that we are willing to broker a deal to curb communism in South and 
Central America by committing to the purchase of more from Venezuela under the guise of stopping Arctic exploration which will appease Obama's base 

By the way, I'm betting dollars to donuts that the North Koreans sunk that ferry 




Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Take on Dr. Zizmor

For years NYC commuters have been met on their subway rides with Dr.
Zizmor. I remember kids talking about him when I was in high-school,
have seen his subway billboards for years and recall a few commercials
too so I was surprised that with all that publicity his face never
changed. Maybe that was a complement to his work or maybe it was just
the way of the world but his snarky smile grinned back at me for years
and when I finally caught a picture of the modern day Doctor Zit, I
was shocked. It's not that he hasn't aged gracefully, it's that he
now looks like a totals different dude. A guy who seemingly never
aged was instantaneously turned into a wrinkled sack having old dude
He was once this smiling psychopath and now he looks like a wrinkled glove.

If this is what skin work does to you, I'd rather dry my face with a pizza pie

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Take on the US Airways complaint department

When US Airways airlines tweeted out a picture of a woman shoving a model 777 up her ho-ho in response to a customer complaint yesterday the internet and twitter-verse went nuts.   How could a public company possibly handle a complaint from a customer who had been delayed at an airport somewhere by sending out a vulgar picture.  We at TOR had a different perspective...we loved it.   

People do nothing but bitch and complain about everything.   Delays suck but they are often not something the airline can do much about.  It's usually weather, air traffic, late arrivals or unruly customers which cause delays yet John Q Public will butch and moan and threaten to never fly that airline again, as if Delta or American or Jet Blue would be any better 

Screw this politically correct, customer ass kissing that happens.  I'm glad that US Airways took matters into their own hands and told the public where they could file their complaints.  

Unless this was their way of telling us they knew where flight 370 really was 



Sent from my iPhone



Sent from my iPhone

Monday, April 14, 2014

Take on the gas pump holder thing

When did every gas station in America stop using the little gas pump
holder thing? Instead of being able to use the 3-4 minutes while
filling up to check an email or make a call, you are now stuck holding
the stupid pump thing like a dude at a gang-bang. Time to start
shaping up America, cause we keep this up and the Chinese will be
running over us in a month

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Take on fresh air

When you walk through an airport in the US you often see a bunch of
Asian women offering back rubs to weary Western Travellers. When you
go to Asia their train station Asian ladies are hawking fresh air to
their weary travelers. Just this week, Chinese people were offered
five minutes of fresh mountain air like the were in a living episode
of Space Balls.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Take in the weird lights at DTW airport

Detroit's main airport was refurbished a few years ago and turned DTW
into one of the nicer large airports out there. They have a ton of
shops, a bunch of restaurants and a monorail running right through the
terminal My complaint is that it's incredibly long and it seems that
every time you have a connection thought that airport they land you
and dock at gate A2 and then your connection is at gate A78 which has
to be be a easily a mile walk
But what is by far the most memorable part of the airport is the
connection tunnel to terminal B which travels you about 1000 feel
underground to come to this tunnel with more lights than an Erasure
concert. It's not bad per se but between the Enya playing and the
soothing lights it feels like you are walking into a massage parlor.
I guess it is designed to calm the business traveler down but when you
are running from gate C67 to gate A68 and only have 3 minutes you
don't want calm..you want to get to that flight and the fact that the
rest of the people in the airport are in a trance doesn't help you
hustle

Friday, April 11, 2014

take on the 30 hour workweek


seems like a bunch of Euro countries have decided that it's time to give way to Asia as they've announced a bunch of new initiatives to cut their workhours even further..   France has new laws which prohibits workers from responding to emails after 6pm, Sweden is considering a maximum 30 hour workweek and Holland has proudly had their people on four day work weeks for ever..   There are countries which have minimum vacation days that workers MUST take and the entire country of Spain naps for two hours in the middle of the workday..

I get that there has to be some value in time-off but this is getting ridiculous.   When the hell did a forty hour work week become excessive??  Let's not make it sound like the American workforce are being abused and it just might be that because we work harder than anybody else that we aren't always calling for help anytime a bully pushes us on the game of Risk playground..   If we ever decided that hard-work isn't our style and cut back to a 30 hour workweek then put your kids in Mandarin classes, cause they are going to need it..


the guy in this interview has it right


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Take on Mozilla












I had an issue with the entire Mozilla situation and not for the reasons you may expect.  

I am a huge gay-rights supporter and believe in marriage equality but even I found that forcing somebody out if their job because of their personal beliefs is treading on thin ice.   I didn't agree with Prop 8 and believe the results were misleading especially with all the outside money that poured in.   Although I obviously would not have supported it financially myself but if somebody supports a cause, does that make him or her incapable of running a company?

Now this issue is different because it is a company in the public although not a public company and the CEO is their equivalent of Mr. Met or The doofy Norte Dame Leprechaun.    As the face of the franchise, does this now become a job requirement that you support gay marriage to become the next CEO at Mozilla?   They need consumers to drive traffic through their Firefox browsers and at some point this could hurt the bottom line.  

The question now becomes, who else must pass this test in that company?  The CFO, the COO, a VP of operations, upper management, middle management.... how about a programmer or a janitor?  Are we going to require that all people working for the company have a certain belief and be on record of it??    I am not naive enough to say that a janitor has the same public importance as a CEO but the argument is not made in only the extreme. .   

My question is, how does the left portray this as progressive since by definition limiting somebody's opportunities of advancement because of beliefs is discriminatory.   

I would also bet my life savings that Brendan Eich is not the only C level  executive in this country who is against gay marriage and I am not sure if we should now out every CEO with this as the litmus test.   Because if we do then we might be saying that we are OK with somebody rising to middle management but saying they cannot possibly advance past that because of their religious beliefs, however bias they may be. 

Although I believe Gay Marriage will be rightfully accepted overwhelmingly and supported within our lifetime, let's not suggest that this is an overwhelming long held opinion of this country.   A decade ago it wasn't the majority opinion, two decades ago it was probably not the opinion of 30% of the population.  Most politicians are officially against it,  our own Democratic president has just recently admitted 'evolving' on the issue.  

What other litmus tests will CEO's be given?  Abortion, immigration, contraception etc?   Now those are all controversial issues in the country but ones I am have clear opinions on but I have never felt the need to alter my buying power because of them.   I don't have any idea what the views of the CEO's of Apple, Boars Head, Samsung, Ford, The Gap, Amazon or Delta have and that is fine with me.  

The counter argument is that unlike those hot-button issues this is truly a human rights one where there really is only one right answer similar to a stance on slavery and women's rights to vote.  I appreciate that comparison because a CEO who would financially support the KKK would probably face even greater scorn.    But again this is an issue with deep religious earthquake like fault lines, so the issue is not at all black and white.  I know plenty of people who will tell me that they believe the Bible explicitly condemns it and will read scripture of condemnation of a man laying next to another man as it's proof.   I couldn't in good consciousness (or legally for that matter) deny a potential job applicant employment at my company if they believed that marriage should only be between and man a woman. 

With that all said, do believe that consumers have every right to protest with their wallets but Mozilla may find out that there is just as loud a voice from the other side of the aisle and they also need browsers.   If Steve Jobs had made a donation, should he have been forced to resign??   When we start dismissing capable C level executives for their religious beliefs, I wonder if at some point the left looks 'right' and the right looks right.  




Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Take on the $28,000 GM fine

There are some punishments which are meant to be substantive and there
are others which are symbolic but when I saw the headline for the fine
the US government has assed on GM for their lack of cooperation for
the ignition switch thing, I was floored. The total fine of $28,000
is basically the cost of a single car which for an individual driving
in the ticking time bomb might be fine but for a company with
$3.8billion in revenue, that just seems silly. A $28,000 fine is a
rounding error on GM's books and to think that this would encourage
any further cooperation is ludicrous. GM might be willing to take
responsibility on one level but knowing the fine for not cooperating
is less than $30,000 will never lead to any meaningful cooperation

Then again, it's just GM paying the US government from money the US
government gave them, so maybe it's just a complicated money
laundering scheme to pay for arms in the Contra

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Take on the 1 year old on a sailboat

Questioning parenting choices can be tricky and something which is
very difficult especially when it comes from the sidelines. I learned
long ago that a lot of the hard rules I made before becoming a parent
are ones I've broken countless times. With that said, when I read the
Navy had been tasked to rescue a family planning on a world tour on a
sailboat stuck in the middle of the a Pacific when their one year old
got sick, I got sick. They had Hoped to land in New Zealand in a few
weeks with only the two parents and two daughters aged 1 and 3
on-board Not only does traveling around the world on a dingy seem
ludicrous, doing it with two kids under four is insanity. Forget the
irresponsibility and safety issue, the real issue is sanity. I had
two kids under the age of five and can't keep them still in my minivan
for the drive to my mother's house, how the hell they thought that
putting them on a boat for three months seemed smart is beyond me. I
would have jumped over myself

Monday, April 7, 2014

Take on the flash photography warning

While I was watching marathon coverage of that Malaysian jet in Europe
last week, CNN went to some press conference and put a warning sign up
for their viewers about the flash photography. I'd never seen this
before but can only imagine this is one of those preventive measures
to avoid a bunch of old folks from dropping dead from strokes. I
have no idea if this true although I've read that strobe lights at off
intervals can give somebody a stroke but always assumed this was one
of those internetweb rumors with no real truth to it like the chick
who got roach larva stuck in her gums from eating at TacoBell. This
strobe light thing always seemed like a bit of a stretch, I've been
to hundreds of raves at clubs (to be fair I think I've been to one and
hated it) and have never had any urge to start convulsing, so I've
always assumed they all these 'strokes' are just covered up OD's.
But you gotta appreciate CNN doing everything they can to keep their
357 regular viewers from dropping dead because of a stroke

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Take on the slow parking lot talker

There really aren't many things I hate more than pulling into a busy
parking lot, seeing a guy get into his car and then wait for what
seems like hours while he warms up the car, makes a phone-call, sets
up his Bluetooth, changes his CD, picks his nose and blows on his
coffee while he completely realizes that I'm waiting for the spot. I
get that he doesn't have to rush but moving at snails pace during a
parking lot rush hour is grounds for a fender-tap

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Take on the cellphone user

There is really no more miserable way to commute than sitting next to
a yapper. Not talking about a seatmate who engages you in
conversation, cause that is justifiable grounds for assault but a guy
who talks on his cellphone is really asking for it and should at
minimum not be surprised if some guy grabbed his phone and threw it
out of the bus at the next stop

Nobody wants to hear you tell your miserable wife that you are 29
minutes from home, tell her when you get there

Friday, April 4, 2014

Take on expensive luggage

The one thing you notice when you spend a lot of time in airports is
how ridiculous people are with the money they spend on luggage. I
never quite understood spending a lot of money on something that a
dude making $9 per hour at JFK will inevitably treat like a rugby ball
or a camel in Egypt is going to shit on. I am not advocating toting
around a 50 pound 1950's hand held suitcase but getting Gucci when
looking at luggage has got to be up there with wearing a white shirt
for an Italian family style dinner

Now I am not saying to get some $5 job you get at Jacks World you are
jus talking about reliability get a Slippy, Slappy, Swimmy Swanson or
a Samsonite like the rest of us

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Take on Fatso

You'll hear every talk show, morning show, news show and big show
discuss a large egomaniac today and not for the reason's you'd
suspect. Mike Francesa, the host of WFAN's afternoon drive show for
the last two decades, went off on a diet-coke induced tirade yesterday
about some marginal baseball player taking two days off to be with his
wife and new baby. Of course, Fatso -as he's commonly known- had his
facts wrong about the total time Daniel Murphy would be taking off but
facts have never gotten in the way of a good rant for Francesa. He
argued that he was at work on the same day that his son was born and
was there the next day after his twins were born, even though they
were in the NICU, foundry recalling that decision with pride.
Nothing like making the entire NYC listening audience know you are a
pompous self-serving a-hole.
The entire argument pits the 1950's against the 2014 mentality when
father's would not be in the delivery room and a nurse would care for
the mother and newborn and it's all justified because that is the way
it was. This is from the same guy who doesn't believe in "da
twitta", the effect of Fantasy Football or portion control. It's
like he's stuck in a MadMen timewarp with his insistence than a father
offers nothing for a newborn or a woman who just went through
pregnancy.

But the real issue here shouldn't be whether a father should take a
few days off, it's why anybody would care about a baseball player
doing it. The season is endless, there are 162 games per year and
nobody will remember any of them, especially of you play for a team
expected to win 75 games. Daniel Murphy isn't fixing the giant hole
in Curtis Granderson's swing, Matt Harvey's elbow or Fred Wilpon's
IRA. He's a .280 hitting second baseman with no pop, he's far from a
gamechanger bit even if he was, guys take days 10 games off per year
for less of a reason than the birth of a child, most of the time
because they are hung-over or still wasted.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Take on the Newark Airport Taxi

There are really not many things more frustrating than landing in an airport and dealing with the cab driver to get him to drive you to the hell which are the suburbs.  I've had a hundred arguments over the fare from JFK to the Jersey burbs which isn't established and has to be negotiated between the driver and passenger.  I guess I could have not have been blamed to think that flying into Newark might have been a bit easier. 

They do have a posted flat rate schedule,which is helpful, although my town's rate was $16 more expensive than the neighbor town which is about a mile closer and also $8 more expensive than the other neighboring town which is actually one mile farther.  Even that disparity wasn't the bane of my existence (or at least the bane of my cab ride) what was, was the credit card system. First you get into the can and they tell you that you need a credit card voucher. Of course the kiosk at the can stand is broken so the cab drives you to some other spot where you have to swipe your card into that kiosk to give you the right to pay with credit card when they inexplicably put a $150 hold on your card for a ride which they have already told you is $75.   Then when you get back into the cab the guy reminds you that in addition to the ass-raping you are going to get on the flat fare, they will tacking on an additional $5.50 for a credit card convenience fee.  I get charging the 2% that VISA may charge you but a flat $5.50 to use the form of currency that everybody in the world uses???   I had a $100 cab ride after you count tolls and tips, so this few represented 5.5%...for what?   If I had had the misfortune of having to go to Irvington or something which is about 10 miles out of the airport, my flat fee probably would have been $35-$40 but they still would have banged me for the $5.50 which in that case would have represented more than 10% of the total bill after tip.  Although to be fair the 10% is the least of your worries if you were going to Irvington.   

The point is that this credit card system in a complete racket and an utter time waster, too.    They could easily install machines in each cab like they do everywhere else in the world and be done with it but then the merchant service people wouldn't get their extra 3%



Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Take on the CRJ200 head

There really is no more uncomfortable place to be than a bathroom on
one of these regional jets. I was on a flight from Columbus and had
the misfortune of needing to take a leak, and immediately felt like I
should have become a contortionist instead of a door to door salesman.
Between the 2 square feet of floor space, the puddle of piss covering
1.5 square feet of it and the overhead clearance of minus 6 inches,
there was not way to comfortably take a leak. So I did what most
people in my situation would do, drop my sack on the counter and pee
in the sink