Tuesday, September 16, 2014

take on Boomer and Cartoon

For years I'd tell you that Boomer and Carton was the worst show on radio, but over the last few months I've started to appreciate them a lot more.   I was in the car this morning and listened to their interview with Gary Sheffield and I kid you not when I say that this was maybe the best interview I've ever heard on talk-radio.   Maybe it's the fact that Boomer is a former jock and people can relate to him but I think most of the credit goes to Carton who is able to break down the walls these guys have with his ridiculousness.   Although half the time he acts like a total fool, when he actually makes a point he makes a great one.


Just a quick breakdown of today's interview..Sheffield is always a pretty candid interview but the detail they went into when it came to some issues was amazing..  The best shock-jock interviewers like Don Imus and Howard Stern have always been able to get more out of their guests than just about anybody because they aren't intimidated by them and are able to go head-to-head with them..


Few things they discussed


*child discipline..  They asked him about ADP and what his opinion was, it'd be easy for Sheffield to knock ADP but basically said that he didn't judge how other people raised their kids..  he also admitted to going to his closet for a belt for his kids, his youngest one is 6


*Gooden.. talked a lot about what it was like for him when Gooden was in his downward spiral.    Gooden is Sheffield's uncle but is only a few years older than him so probably was more like a cousin or uncle to him.. Just the thought of a kid looking up to his world-class athlete uncle and then becoming a star in his own right is pretty amazing


* ARod would change out of sight in the video room, seems like he was a total aloof goof


*Joe Torre.. Sheffield has no respect for him as a manager because he moved Sheffield down to the 5 hole after they got ARod to hit 3rd.. he showed Torre the stats about why he was the better option and Torre still batted ARod third.  Told Torre that he was going to show him how good he was and hit two homeruns that day, Torre kept him in the 5 hole..


*The Mets.. about his last days when he was hitting .300 and was leading the team in RBI and HR's but they wanted to go a different direction with Reyes, Beltran and Wright.. Sheffield felt like he could have been given a chance to succeed, basically called the entire organization a bunch of no-nothing clowns.


*the other thing that was interesting was that when they were kids, he had to catch Gooden because nobody else was able to  (or too scared to).. that's how he became a LL catcher and why he played that position in the Little League World Series.   What was cool was that when Carton asked him about catching Gooden when he was a kid and whether he was throwing in the 90's, Sheffield easily could have said that he was but he didn't bite and said that he was probably only throwing in the low 80's at that point but that as a small kid (9 years old or something) it was still ridiculously hard.


*he complained a lot about people assuming that he was into drugs like Gooden but swears he has never touched any of it, including alcohol.


but the best story was about the locker-room stuff..  he hated showering with Greg Maddux because he would rub his penis up against teammates and pee on them..

full interview can be found here:  

Monday, September 15, 2014

Take on the Home Depot/Mac Windows

Who knew that getting a screen door installed would be such a process.
We went to Home Depot in June and picked an Anderson Windows one out
with the understanding that we'd have it installed within a few days.
First thing that happens is that Home Depot comes out to measure our
door and as luck would have it, the standard screen door of 36 inches
wide doesn't fit in our 35 inch doorway. This of course sucks because
it turns a $250 door and turns it into a $450 one even though if am
getting 1 inch less of door. Even if that isn't a big enough kick in
the nards, a custom door also takes a few weeks to make as opposed to
a few days to deliver, I'm starting to get nervous that I will not
have a screen door until July.. A few weeks later I get a call from
the friendly but half-dead sales guy and told that my door is in and
that the installation folks will reach out to me shortly

I get a call a few days later and told from the installers, Mac
Windows l, that the first availability for my door installation would
be at the end of August. Great, my summer door will be ready just in
time to store it for the winter. I complain to the service rep who
seems shocked that somebody who has paid for a door would
actually..you know...want to have it installed. I tell her that they
obviously can't handle the workload that Home Depot gives them. to
which she responds that they can. Well if you can then why the hell
would it take 2 months to install a basic door?? I'm instructed to
complain to Home Depot who in turn tells me to take my complaint back
to Mac Windows who tells me to go back to Home Depot. This little
salsa routine goes on for three phone-calls to the point where I think
I may look at my calendar and find out that it's August already

Two months later some dude shows up and installs the door about as
well as I would have myself. He puts the frame in upside down so
there is no way to get the dead-bolt into the hole which is ok since
he didn't install a deadbolt anyway. He then drills through my door
frame which he doesn't cover up or apologize for but just shrugs off.
Then instead of putting in the bottom sweeper thing, he leaves it
hanging out looking like a used rubber.

So my frame is in upside down, I have no dead bolt, there are acres
poking out the frame, the rubber sweeper thing is laying on the floor,
plus the front stoop is littered with saw dust, metal shavings and a
bunch crews (hope those aren't important). I call to complain and of
course am told to contact Mac Windows who then says to take it up with
The Home Depot.

At least this isn't the kid of thing that : notice.. oh wait a second,
it stares me right in my face every time I open the door.

Thanks Home Depot and Mac Windows, nothing like coming to my house,
charging me twice what I was told, screwing up the job and then
leaving a huge mess.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Take on Illegal Contact

In the NFL you at better off hitting your spouse than touching a receiver.
Nothing makes that more obvious than the new NFL interpretation of
illegal contact which is just ridiculous. Two weeks into the 2014
season and I've seen a dozen calls made downfield which were just
ludicrous. Today in the giant-cardinal game, Eli lost a fumble which
looked like it would be a huge momentum changer but instead it got
called back because of Jerraud Powers's left pinky nail touched Victor
Cruz's right shoelace. I get that the NFL is all about offense and
that is all they want to promote and and will hide it under the
"trying to protect our players" mantra but this is getting ridiculous.
These penalties often have nothing to do with the play and are only
keeping offensive drives alive which are otherwise just offensive and
should be put down.

I get the head hunting stuff but come-on, when a corner back get
stripped of any opportunity to play defense, what is the point.
Time to put flags on them and call it a day

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Take on The Guy Getting Screwed

The NFL and the NFLPA are close to a deal rewriting their drug policy which will, in part, increase the amount of weed in the body to be considered a failed test.   In part of the negotiations, players presently suspended could have their sentences lifted or even thrown out all together based on the new rules.   
One thing that continues to bother us is that the threshold for marijuana will increase from 0.15 mg per something to 0.35 mg per something which would have meant that Josh Gordon would NOT have failed the latest drug test since he pissed a 0.17 mg per something.  But in this negotiation he won't get his suspension thrown out, just decreased from the mandatory one year suspension for a fourth offense to only 10 games for a fourth time offender.  The issue is that using the new guidelines he would not have been guilty, so I don't quite understand why he would have to serve anything.  Wes Welker is going to get off because they will requalify  the drug he took to something that is recreational.   He was guilty under the old rules by under the new rules he is not. 

Then again it would involve Roger Goodell actually doing something right which we know is impossible.  


Sent from my iPhone

Friday, September 12, 2014

Take on the airport dress code

When you spend a lot of time in an airport you spend a lot of time
people watching and I always wonder why people dress the way they do
when they are there. It's like people's sense of style completely
goes out the window and they decide that dressing horribly shouldn't
matter only because they have to take their shoes off. You see more
sweatpants than a strip-club, more sandals than a beach and more
stained sweatshirts than a college cafeteria. I get needing to be
comfortable for a flight across the ocean, but when you are going from
Detroit to LaGuardia it's not any difference than sitting on a
commuter bus to the city, it's an hour flight.

I wonder what the hell people do when they get to their destination,
because between the stained tshirts, fishermen vests and dirty shorts
they all look like they are homeless add to that the handful of chicks
in hoochie skirts and 4 inch heels and the entire place looks like a
meth clinic

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Take on a day we'll never forget

Just over a decade ago we experienced a loss that was unexplainable,
the hurt was endless, the desperation we felt limitless and the amount
we cried was bucket-loads. On September 11th we lost a real American,
a hero to the working man, the reason we smiled, the reason we laughed
and the reason we were able to forget. Maybe it was flipping over a
couch, maybe it was falling out of a hammock or maybe it was getting
hit by the swinging kitchen door but we always laughed. We cried when
you finally came clean to RF in that ice cooler and we felt a loss
when you finally hit the lights that very last time. Larry was
great, Chrissy and Janet and Terry and Cindy were wonderful, Stanley
was awesome and RF was the best but you were that show

We miss you and love you and tonight we will do a shot of a Jack
through a mix straw in your honor.


Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Take on the trade show

There really is nothing better for your business and worse for your
back than a tradeshow. It is a week walking around seeing a hundred
customers and potential customers contained in one spot with everybody
there to conduct business on a mostly casual level. The problem is
that these big convention spaces are 600,000 square feet of poured
concrete and after walking around all day with a huge bag of brochures
and giveaways your back feels like the dude who sat next to you on the
flight over sat on your back instead of spilling out of his own seat.
Standing around tethered to one spot talking shop is exhausting in
itself but the abuse your feet and back take is beyond brutal. I
need some Dr. Scholl's

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Take on the dude asking up two seats

I get it, you like to eat and you were born from a family who does and
you have big bones and you are actually healthy and that isn't mustard
on your shirt and you are probably just bloated from too many orange
juices but really is it fair that you pay for one seat and take up one
and a half?

There is nothing more aggravating than having some dude put his gut on
your lap when flying coach. You can try to fold your arms to contain
it but at some point we all know you are going to give up and I will
look like I'm imitating Atlas for the rest of the flight

It's not just an inconvenience but after two coffees, that huge gut is
now pressing against my bladder and I am about to piss myself. I'd
ask you to get up but every time you move the stupid small regional
jet shakes and you need to use every seat back in the rows around you
to even hoist yourself out of seat 8B.
Please do me a favor and the next time you need to fly to the Midwest,
see if they'll allow you to fly cargo, it might even save you a few

Monday, September 8, 2014

Take on Ray Rice

TMZ released the Ray Rice video today and for the first time in
regards to this case the NFL and the Ravens did the right thing. They
all tried to ignore the fact that Rice nearly killed his then-fiancé
initially when they gave him a slap on the wrist two game suspension
but as the chorus of critics for louder, Roger Goodel finally
acknowledged that he had woefully underestimated the public outcry and
set new rules against domestic violence. The issue though was that
although future punishments were going to be harsh (6 game suspension
with the first offense, indefinite suspension with the second) Rice
was going to basically skate.
Then the video emerged and it was every bit as brutal as was expected
and within hours the Ravens cut him and the NFL suspended him
This is what bothers us.. What about that video changed the NFL's
mind, previous released videos showed Rice entering an elevator and
then pulling the lifeless body of a woman out. The NFL said it did a
thorough investigation but said it had not seen this TMZ video which
we find hard to believe. The NFL has billions of dollars, if it
wanted to get the video it would have but I don't think they wanted
to. What also bothers us is that they now claim with this new
evidence that everything changed after seeing it. what did the hell
did they think happened in that elevators?? Did they assume Rice
dropped her while practicing a salsa twirl?? Did they think she
slipped on ice? Did they think her own fist hit her face??
The NFL only got serious about this when the chorus became a deafening
roar. The Ravens who just put up a statue of a double murderer have
no credibility at all and to think they did this with anything but
their pocketbooks in mind is foolish.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Take on Sportsline

There are a few things that you can bet the house on on the first
Sunday of September. The Browns losing, the new CBS pregame show
sucking and Sportsline crapping out. Millions of people use
Sportsline to check their fantasy scores and every year in week 1 of
the NFL, their site crashes. You'd think with people spending hundred
of dollars to have Sportsline host their leagues, they'd finally
upgrade from their hamster-in-a-wheel servers but then again.. why
should they? We'll all forget and then shell out $129 next year.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Take on the unread message icon

There is nothing I find more stressful than looking at somebody's
phone and seeing thousands of unread messages. I know it shouldn't
bother me but handing me any phone with
thousands of unread messages is like handing somebody a pair of
scissors, blade side out.  If on my own phone I even have even one unopened message I have
this insane OCD need to clear it. I don't care if it is an email for
work, an email forward from aunt, a confirmation of my online order or spam, just the little
red icon above the envelope is enough to basically put me into
hyperventilation mode.
So do me a solid and don't hand me your phone with 10,000
unread messages cause the next time you do! I will open each one for you and reply-all a picture of my sack to each and every one of them.

Friday, September 5, 2014

Take on the G-train

The MTA has been touting the return of the G-train saying it will be
great which comes across as genuine as saying you actually enjoy
listening to Dream Theater. The G train has long been the red-headed
step child of the subway system, like the the guy who shows up with a
goatee a full decade after it was sort of cool with his cell-phone in
one of those holders latched to his belt, size 13 turquoise Nikes,
ray-bans parked on his head while sporting a polo all year round, this
train is as outdated as a big domed baseball cap. It is the only
regular train which doesn't even make it into Manhattan for a split
second. Any train whose main thoroughfare runs queens to Brooklyn
with the only intention to bring people to a bigger hub should be
called exactly what it is..a bus. This crap train has been around
forever and I'd venture to guess that 99% of the people who travel on
the NYC subway have ever stepped foot in it.

At least it doesn't have any (reported) bed bugs.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Take on the Columbus Circle Station style gates

Has anybody noticed the huge cattle gates all over the platform on the
59th street station? I don't quite know what the purposes is because
they have them in the center platform which isn't used by anything
other than huge rats but I guess they have decided to herd commuters
through that platform to make their hellish commute that much worse.
Are they afraid that people can't stay away from the platform edges
and may trip or is it an a to suicide prevention thing which seems
idiotic since you could just as easily jump in front of a D train on
the other platform or even (wait for it) jump the fence

Either way they have somehow made a claustrophobic situation feel even
more so, thanks MTA

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Take on Jim Irsay

The loudest noise we heard about Jim Irsay's suspension was a
collective yawn. After an off-season of turmoil, mistakes, criticism
and indecisiveness, the NFL wrapped up their punishment with a
$500,000 fine and six game suspension for Colts owner Jim Irsay. We
get that they are trying to send a message that all people associated
with the league will be dealt with swiftly and strongly especially
after the absurdly weak Ray Rice punishment but to think that
suspending an owner has any impact to the team is ludicrous and the
fact we are even talking about it is comical. You can also a fine on
a multimillionaire and suspend him for a month and a half but it has
no effect on the product on the field. When an owner does it right,
he does one things, pay the checks and then sit up in his box drinking
champagne while looking at his herd. When an owner does it wrong he
meddles, interferes, second guesses and disrupts his football people
and only causes more turmoil then it is worth (see Jones, Jerry and
Johnson, Woody). This is probably a blessing for the Colts as this
punishment will hopefully muzzle the drunk for long enough to get the
team onto a solid start and let the focus be on Andrew Luck and Chuck
Pagano and not on Irsay's wacky tweets. Who knows, maybe Trent
Richardson will finally break that 3.0ypc barrier.

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Take on Obama's hair

When Bill Clinton took office his hair was brown, he left and it was totally white.. Junior Bush looked like he aged 50 years in the 8 years he took office and Obama has gone from a young vibrant looking junior senator to an old man in 6+ years. The dude is 53, keeps in great shape and looks like he's 90.   I know this is the most stressful job in the world and the Commander in Chief's hair color has often been chronicled but it seems like Obama's hair color has taken a straight dive down in the last six months basically as Iraq as completely unraveled, Israel turned into a huge clusterf*ck and he can't get his head out of his ass about Ukraine.
I know that a little Just for Men is out of the question because it will look vain and callous in the time when the world and his international policy in a complete tailspin.  The grey probably makes him look a bit more stately and might take some attention away from those dumbo ears but what he could do is do a bit of touch-up, let the difference be subtle and get back to looking like you aren't one foot in the grave and a raging lunatic

Monday, September 1, 2014

Take on the nude celebrity pics

Last night a rumor started circulating that a cache of new celebrity
nudes were being released. Apparently some hacker got a bunch of
stuff by breaking into their iCloud accounts and the internet went
nuts. The trove includes Ariana Grande, Jennifer Lawrence, Hope Solo,
Kristin Dunst amongst otters but the real prize was the Kate Upton
files showing her in the 7th inning stretch with CyYoung Award winner
Justin Verlander. I love leaked nudes as much as anyone but when you
see a celebrity having her boyfriend blow his wad all over her back
and photograph it is a different story all together

Oh and because you people are perverts, here is a list


Sunday, August 31, 2014

Take on midday drinks

I spent the better part of my morning enjoying drinks and the better
part of the afternoon wishing I had not.

Years ago I'd revel in the experience that is midday drinks on a
Sunday afternoon, now I want to kill myself. It's not that I get
smashed but even two beers in the afternoon makes me feel like I just
got kicked in the head by a donkey. Maybe it's the fact I am 38,
maybe it's that I have three kids who hate to sleep but I cannot
fathom being able to make it for the rest of a Sunday after a couple
of beers without a nap.

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Take on the European License plate

There really is nothing more lame than the guy with the European
license plate in his back window. Dude, you live in New Jersey, you
shop at A&P and you drive a Toyoda Echo, there is nothing Autobahn
about anything you do, time to realize that and use your back window
for one if those stupid stick figure family sticker things

Friday, August 29, 2014

Taking on Obama's suit

We at TOR take our job very seriously as a reporter of all things both
relevant and annoying, anything can catch our ire and President
Obama's wardrobe house yesterday was no exception. Forget the fact
that during the entire press conference he showed again how disjointed
and clueless his policy is on both the Ukraine and ISIS but he did it
while looking like a guy trying to sell you a mattress at Sleepy's.
If you are trying to have Putin take you seriously, maybe your first
step is not looking like it's amateur hour in the Oval Office and
dress the part, this is like Romney showing up in pressed jeans, Kerry
wind-surgeon or W opening his mouth

I am fine with the POTUS playing a bit of golf and frolicking in the
ocean during the summer but when you show up at a press conference
like you are going to a summer wedding, it pisses me off. If you
want to be taken serious put on a tuxedo cause you look like you are
part of the khaki collection at Macy's, unless of course he is trying
to outdo Morgan Freeman.

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Take on the guy who wears jeans in the summer

There is nothing more ridiculously uncomfortable looking as the guy
who refuses to put on shorts on a hot day. I know three or four guys
like this who for some unbeknownst reason believe that wearing shorts
in 100 degree weather is akin to having a giant vagina. Personally, I
am of the opinion that I have to dress for the man five days per week,
on the weekends I want to be comfortable. But these jeans guys all
feel like shorts for an adult somehow makes you less of a man, I
honestly don't care. I have three kids, work my ass off, have a
mortgage, out food on my table, you may be a bigger man than me but at
least I am not sweating my balls off in the 1000 degree weather

By the way, nice bag