Thursday, October 8, 2015

take on the least shocking story of the day

I read a horribly shocking story today about a guy accused of raping his fiancee's 12 year old daughter.. What was not shocking was the photo that accompanied the article, the guy in the picture had a complete face tattoo..  Forget your thoughts about capital punishment but in this case I hope they fry this dude and apply the wires directly to his balls.   Then I hope they take the mother and do the same thing to her because any parent who would leave their kid with a freak like this and not expect the worst, is themselves the worst..  I have never been more clear in my mind that we need a form of population control and these two losers should be first in line to go.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

Take on the Matt Barnes/Derek Fisher confrontation

Matt Barnes got into his car after learning that Derek Fisher was bagging his estranged wife and drove 100 miles to kick his ass. I get the feeling of despair of having lost the love of your life, especially the type who has fantastic side boob ( but to drive 100 miles to kick the crap out of the crappiest coach in the NBA seems a bit ludicrous. They have been separated for a year and you have to think that there are a lot of other dudes who have shot the three into that chick since D-Fish got his grubby paws on her but still Barnes drove what has to have been an hour and a a half and then was still so pissed that he took to smacking around little Derek.

Can't wait for the first Knicks-Grizzlies game. The NBA is FANtastic

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Take on the Dark Knight

Matt Harvey missed a mandatory workout because he was stuck in traffic proving again that he is no Dark Knight. Listen, we have all been there and have all overslept or been stuck in traffic..well actually I am an adult and this have not overslept in 20 years..but I digress.
The point is I am sorry your Spider-Man alarm didn't go off or you got stuck on the Grand Central Parkway or you forgot your cellphone at your friends house but we all know this is just your lame way of getting out of having to pitch in the postseason and to protect your little arm you six foot two pussy.
You are not Tom Seaver, you are not Tom Glavine you are not even Tom the Cat you are one big fat phony.

Monday, October 5, 2015

Take on the Port Authority XBL Lane

There is no more asinine concept in this world that the Exclusive Bus Lane (XBL).  Every morning you see something like this

@PANYNJ_LT: The Exclusive Bus Lane (XBL) to NY is experiencing a delay of 30 minutes due to a disabled vehicle in the center tunnel.

The issue is that it is a single lane running about 5 miles from the Turnpike to the tunnel and if a bus breaks down and your bus is sitting behind it, there is no way out.   And the only way for them to tow the broken down bus is to come from the tunnel side which they can only do once all the busses ahead of the broken down one are off the road which can easily take an hour.   
So @panynj_lt, thanks for the note that there will be a delay, sadly it came after we were already stuck in the vortex that is the Lincoln tunnel XBL Lane so it made no difference, oh yeah, and since you tweeted it and our bus driver cannot (or should not) be checking his TwitterDuck while driving, he would not have know about it anyway.. So really it is worthless 

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Take on the Twitter App

I've been staring at the Twitter app update for three days as it just sits stagnant in my updates folder in the AppStore. It won't load, it won't update, it won't launch, it can't be deleted, it won't do anything and I am stuck trying to use TwitterDuck or TweeterTap to get updates from the sideline of the Jets-Fish game

Who knew how much of a necessity this thing is because these third party ones are no party at all.

Saturday, October 3, 2015

Take on the US Weather Model

There is a fascinating article in today's Times about why the US Weather Model has fallen behind the ones used in Europe but they seem to forget one major point. They talk about meteorologists and maps and Doppler and radar and whatever but what they fail to mention is the real reason that US news outfits fall behind..because it is in their interest to.

Nothing brings eyeballs to the sets like an impending storm and as long as they can keep the intrigue and excitement going, the better for their ratings. This isn't that complicated, if you get your breaking news from a place which depends on ad revenue, you will get a slanted view there are no ifs ands or buts about is pure capitalism

Friday, October 2, 2015

Take on the next school shooting

Saw somebody say yesterday that once Sandy Hook occurred and this happened to small children and nothing happened, that nothing will ever happen at this point. Which is sad, but probably true.

I'm not convinced we need to limit guns as much as I am that we need to keep guns out of the hands of people who shouldn't have them.  I can't believe that there is a sane gun owner who would object to the idea of keeping their beloved guns out of the hands of people who are mentality unstable.   The government tells you that you need a fence around your pool, you must be 21 to drink, that you cannot drive drunk, that you need a license and insurance to even drive a car, that you cannot carry a gun onto a plane but somehow having laws that would keep guns out of the hands of people who are mentally unstable makes people crazy

We need universal background checks not just for gun ownership but for gun use and we need every person who wants to have a gun go through a psychiatric evaluation cause, well, we don't need certain types having the ability to kill other types but we won't and we'll be back here again in no time 

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Take on Hurricane Joaquin

The possible hurricane that is leaving the Bahamas like a group of vacationers from Connecticut heading towards the Northeast has gotten every person I know person into a total frenzy. There is no model that puts this little rain storm anywhere near NYC until Monday night but I know a guy who has been checking the site every thirty minutes to monitor the situation as if there is something he can do to stop it. The local A&P is already out of water, the gas stations already have huge lines and on my commute home I heard people discussing the "greatest storm since the dinosaurs"

God I hope this thing shows up and drops a swinning pool on their roof and their roof alone.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Take on a bad arm (national) quarterback

Say what you will about George W Bush but that dude threw a perfect strike during the World Series in 2001, an event captured and recalled perfectly in the recent 30-for-30 short called First Pitch. Well Obama has never been able to hold his jock athletically (long soliloquies about our national identity are not a sport and neither is golf) and nothing makes that more clear than the photo he posted on his own Twitter account today
Obama is shown throwing a football in an empty stadium like he is at his very own combine and his form can only be described as "like a girl" as if would make throwing off the back foot seem correct.
His stride is ridiculously long, his hips are turned too quickly, his front hand leaves the ball too early, his weight is all in the front even before he has brought his arm back and he is holding the pigskin like it's covered in oil. I'm mean it does look better than Tim Tebow but that is not saying much as Obama has about as much of a chance of starting an NFL games does at this point as old Timmy.
This is not the picture of QB perfection we need to be throwing out there, just wait till ISIS gets a hold of this, cause they'll turn that into a pick-6

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Take on "on accident"

I am far from the authority on grammar but there is one term that I hear often which bothers the hell out of me.  

People who will say that something happened "on accident".  I have always been of the believe that something happens by accident whereas when something happens for a reason it happens on purpose.  At least this is what I was taught in the second grade but I run across the on accident thing all the time. 

You tell me which is right.  

Cathy fell down at a kid's birthday party by accident but to be fair she did drink six glasses of Chardonnay on purpose 

Cathy fell down at a kid's birthday party on accident but to be fair she did drink six glasses of Chardonnay on purpose. 

I don't think it is close 

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, September 28, 2015

Take on the port authority hip hop DJ

I walked into Port Authority the other day and was hit in the face with a wave of sound that almost knocked me on my ass. I don't know whose idea it was but for some reason part of my commuting cost is now being used for live entertainment and by live entertainment there is a deejay in the back corner blasting Salt n Peppa tunes for an audience of zero

Maybe it's part of their community outreach, maybe they are using it to scare away the homeless people, kind of like an invisible fence or maybe they hired the marketing firm for those cheesy girl clothing places in the mall but I find the entire thing irritating. Get off my lawn!!

Sunday, September 27, 2015

Take on the "Mail it home kiosk"

As I went through the security at Columbus airport this week I saw a big Mail it Home Kiosk which allows you to send the stuff that security would have taken. I guess I appreciate the idea that you can save your vitamin water, large toothpaste or AK47 but what is odd is that they have this thing located AFTER the security all the way down the hallway. So what happens here

TSA guy "you can't take a grenade into the airport"
Terrorist guy. "sorry, can I mail it to myself?"
TSA guy. " sure take it down the hall next to gate 67 and mail it back to yourself and no funny business"
Terrorist "no problem buddy"

Saturday, September 26, 2015

Take on the toe

Walking out of a six year olds birthday party today, I tripped over a paver stone which was set about a millimeter higher than the rest. I didn't hit the floor but the stinging on the top of my big toe was horrible. I get the kids together a look down and my entire flip flop is covered in blood. After some further inspection when wiping away most of the blood with a snot covered, ketchup stained paper towel I saw that a piece of skin, the size of a dime was dangling off the bottom of my toe and it was gushing like Old Geyser.
I cover it with a bandage which is meant for a shotgun wound and make my way over to my car leaving a trail of blood from the backyard down the driveway and into the street. I have to think some detective is going to think he just broke the case of his life if he pulls onto that street this afternoon.
I go home but my foot it throbbing and I'm losing pints of blood every 30 seconds. After a while my wife suggest I go to emergicare and have them look
The nice Asian Doctor basically pukes when he unwraps the gauze from around my toe, although I am not sure if it is because of the hanging chad or the fungus outbreak. He throws some antiseptic down on the toe which I imagine is just as much for his safety as mine and starts working in there. The last words I remember are "this shouldn't hurt too bad"
I wake up 6 hours later with my foot bandaged, my ego bruised and my five hole aching

What a day.

Friday, September 25, 2015

Take on The Pope

It is really a shame these Popes are so old when their name is finally met with white smoke billowing out of the Vatican because there really has not been a better leader of the Catholic Church than Pope Francis.   
Regular readers of this blog know my feelings towards the Church which stem mainly from their systematic coverup of wide spread pedophilia by way more priests than they've ever let on.  This alone is enough for me to not trust anything that comes out of that organization ever but add to that their archaic stances on marriage, divorce, life and contraception and I never thought I'd gain any admiration.  Then we meet Francis and see how far humbleness can carry for a man of the cloth, his positions on every virtually major church issue has been a giant leap forward and we finally have somebody in the church strong enough to address controversial issues with a mindset that 85% of the republican candidates for president are not able to.   He shows compassion where others show anger, he shows courage where others hide in fear and he shows humility where others push only their  agenda.   
This is a man to be admired

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Take on Xi Jinping's visit

With all the pomp and circumstance around the official state visit of Pope Francis, it should be noted that the more important official state visit will come later this week when Xi Jinping shows up in DC to throw down the gauntlet. There is no bigger global adversary to the US than China and it will be on full display this week. Yes we are on (relatively) good terms but the decision of these two countries whether or not to commence in a waltz will have ripple effects that will be felt for decades. Whether it is climate change, cyber security, Iran, North Korea, East Asian security, Taiwan, US debt held in China, Chinese dependency on the US to buy crappy wind up toys and electronics and who will take the place of world power in the next 50 years. Now there will be lots of talk, and handshakes and niceties and photo-ops but to gauge where China wants to go is critical.
This will be an interesting meeting and we will be watching

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Take on Yogi

When I heard that Yogi Berra passed away this morning I had two thoughts

1- I thought he was dead already.  I guess I wasn't 100%sure but I would not have bet the house on it

2- I bet the entire day will be filled with lame Yogisms 

Well we definitely got a lot of those but it did remind me of the best Yogi story

But that is not what I remember about him most. I remember most that the other ball players always complained that Yogi Berra would stand naked at the clubhouse buffet and scratch his genitals over the cold cuts.

This guy won 10 World Series rings, was widely considered as one of the top three catchers of all time, caught the only perfect game in World Series history and never had a pitch call waved off and was a three time MVP, 18 time all-star but the thought of him rubbing his nuts over the bologna is one you will now never forget

Hope there is a nice pic-a-nick basket up in heaven big guy, and I hope you dump the entire thing over Steinbrenner's seersucker suit 

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

Take on the Big Bang Theory

I was scrolling through CNN today and saw an article about whether or not there would be a big wedding in the Big Bang Theory. I was shocked? Not because Sheldon and Amy had split but rather that there is anybody, I mean literally anybody, who watches this show. I was honestly under the impression it went off the air with That 70's Show but now I am confronted with the fact that it is still very much on TV. How terrible are the show runners and writers in Hollywood that this dumpster fire has a ten year run on network television.
Please somebody tell me that they are laughing all the way to the trophy case with their multiple Emmy's and I will cut the cord tonight.

Monday, September 21, 2015

take on Scott Walker

there has not been a presidential candidate that we have been more wrong about than one Scott Walker....  we loved Walker's chances at the Republican nomination when he announced his run but could not be less impressed with him after months on the campaign trail and two snoozefest performances at the debates.. Maybe it was the fact that we only knew about him and hadn't actually seen him in action but good god this guy looks out of his league and his latest poll numbers are in the George Pataki and Bobby Jindal range which basically means he should be voted off the island.

but since this probably our last chance to look at Walker before he bows out...

what bothers us about Walker are the following
- the guy looks like he could be standing on a sidewalk corner in a rain-jacket and no pants on.. there is something just weirdly creepy about him
- that haircut is just not presidential, you can't have a guy who has a bald spot that looks like it's growing at the rate the Arctic ice is receding 
- he looks like he has that terrible old guy deep-stomach breath.. like he hasn't flossed in a year
- his entire asymmetrical face is very distracting..  his one eye is just way too high on his forehead and the other looks like it sits in his cheekbone.. Now Scott, this is coming from somebody with the same weird face affliction and it sucks but you gotta stop showing your face in public, you look like Sloth

**edit, looks like we put the last nail in the coffin as all reports this afternoon are that captain bald spot is dropping out, that fall was meteoric**

Sunday, September 20, 2015

Take on the NFL schedule

There are a few weeks in the NFL where you just scratch your head after looking at the schedule and this week is one of them. The NFL has 10 out of their 13 non prime time games scheduled at 1pm which makes for a great 1pm hour but makes for a dreadful afternoon especially since two out of the three afternoon games feature either the Raiders or Jacksonville. I get that the NFL can do no wrong financially but when they get a combined 3 rating today at 6:30pm, they should know why

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Take on the green revolution

I have travelled the world but readily admit there are certain cultural phenomenons which I will ever understand. One of those is a new fashion statement in China with men seemingly growing small plants out of their the name of fashion or green living or green fashion I'm not sure. I can't say I actually witnessed this stupidity in person, I did see smog, ate bull testicles and came across a bunch of truly disgusting habits but this bean sprout head dress was not one I enjoyed