Tuesday, February 9, 2016

Take on the Koch brothers' Rubibot

We have been saying for months that Rubio is a robot sent from the Koch headquarters to win the election and allow them to control the course of the United States for the next decade.   Rubibot is perfect, he has the pedigree, the good looks, the beautiful family, the hot wife, the immigrant story (but not too immigrant-y), the meteoric rise through Florida politics, the mentor (Jeb!) who he has surpassed but as the election wore on the programmers have had their continued issue coming up with enough.  For all the A.I. they tired to program into the Rubibot, they just can't add enough memory, so every night back at the Koch-cave they have to remove some and add some new ones the problem is that  Rubibot cannot return to the Koch-cave every night as he is campaigning in Iowa or New Hampshire, so there are days he has to run on auto-pilot and with the 24/7 media cycle (and a fat man from NJ) he has been exposed.  

Early on he would answer every question with "my father was a janitor and my mother was a maid". Then he went to "Hillary Rodham Clinton in completely disqualified for being president of the United States of America" and now he does the "let's dispel the myth that Barack Obama does not know what he is doing, he knows exactly what he is doing"

The last line is one they programmed specifically to help Rubibot overcome his one main deficiency, his own lack of experience.   By spewing that Obama, with very little experience, was able to shape policy, it implies that Rubibot another first term senator with very little in terms of pushed legislation, too can shape policy. 

There are only a few people aware of the Rubibot and the Koch laboratories, but TOR has been working hard to expose it for you. 

The only way you would know, other than opening up the latch in his back, are those big ears which are the transistors.  His only downfall is that every once in a while Rubibot becomes over heated and he needs to add water and it becomes like a crisis level ticking time bomb.  When he cannot immediately cool down his processors he falls into a endless computer loop.  

He is a walking Small Wonder



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Monday, February 8, 2016

Take on the free burrito

Sometimes a free burrito is kind of like not getting a free burrito. I got an email today saying that if I waned a free burrito that I had to text RainCheck to some random number. With the e.coli outbreak ravaging the store, they figured that they should give you a stomach ache tomorrow for giving you a stomach ache last month. I sent off the text but then decided that I was about as interested in an E coli Chipotle burrito as I would be in licking the urinal inside the men's room of a Chipotle

Sunday, February 7, 2016

Take on the GOP debate

The last time we checked in the GOP field was about 30% bigger but after Mike Huckabee, Rick Santorum and Rand Paul all dropped out of a race they never had a chance in, we finally got a bit more clarity.  As we saw from the Dems, less is more in these cases and the quicker you can get down to two, the better. 

Quick review


Rubio-
Ground Control to Major Tom

Somebody forgot to update the software on the Koch Brother Rubio robot because there was a point where you were half expecting his campaign manager to walk up on stage to press alt-ctl-delete because he was stuck in an endless loop
This debate will be about what Marco lost more than what anybody else gained but make no mistakes this was a Poland Spring cringe worthy moment and shows that Rubio has no ability to think on his feet

Christie
For the second debate in a row Big Chris showed the world what kind of great debater (and bully) he really is.  He is not presidential but when it comes to a format like this, he shines.  Although the visual of him sitting in his tidy whities chugging Bud Lites and eating an entire large pie while the NJ congress shuts down the government is not a visual I need. 

Jeb!-
Please clap

Kasich-
Somebody better tell John that the combination of being smart, experienced and positive is a losing combination.   Maybe you didn't get the message, we want somebody to tell us how crappy the country is, how much brown people will kill the American Dream, how much Jesus of Nazareth would hate Jesus of Tijuana, how Obama sucks and have it all be spewed in 20 second soundbites.    And please get that twitch under control, you look like you are mixing a milkshake up on stage.  

Carson-
Glad to see you got new clothes, now go home 

Cruz-
It was pretty telling when at the end of the debate all the candidates had their families come up and hug their husbands and fathers and Heidi Cruz decided to stay in be audience. For all the talk about his uncompromising morality, he is a disgusting snake.  The Iowa things with Carson was W in South Carolina bad. 

Trump-
The reason Trump underperformed in Iowa is because the caucus system forces you to stand up in public and fight for your guy.   Trump appeals to people and they will admit it in anonymous polls but I have to think that when you get in front of your peers people get stage fright because it's like admitting to your neighbors, business associates and fellow PTA members that you're voting for Kim Kardashian

But in New Hampshire we go to a normal anonymous primary and that could work in his favor.  What is scary is that he's actually gotten better at this thing over time and I still think he takes New Hampshire big and then takes that momentum to South Carolina and Nevada   He commands the stage and his rivals are so afraid of him that they won't ever engage him.  Jeb! tried but it was about six months too late which is the story of his life.  Anyway, nobody else will take Trump to task, maybe they all expect him to implode but we all know by now that this just isn't happening and all we can count on now is that primary voters can't be that stupid, can they?



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Take on Period-proof underwear ads

Anybody notice the new period-proof underwear ads on the subways this month? I get that this is probably areal issue but I'm not sure anybody needs to be confronted with this on a Tuesday at 7:30am right after I had an egg and cheese with ketchup.

But that is not the worst of it because as much as I am not ready to be confronted with this at 7:30am myself, I am definitely not ready to explain it to my six year old and we all know they will immediately ask you when they read that sign. It's like all those viagra commercials during every NFL game with a guy throwing the football through the tire swing as the sun sets over his farm. She has asked me to explain that one already and I had to come up with some crap about the guy having hurt his shoulder and now able to throw a spiral again with the help of that pill.
Whatever happened to the kind of wholesome Marlboro and Joe Kook ads of my youth??

Friday, February 5, 2016

Take on the democratic debate

Who knew that taking out that stiff O'Malley would allow Bernie and Hillary to take out their stuff. For two hours we watched Hillary try dirty dancing with an unwilling partner and we saw the passion out of an old man trying to send back a bowl of soup.

Here are some comments

- when it comes to anything genuine, Bernie has her beat badly, it's as if they aren't even playing the same game. Bernie believes everything he says and Hillary believes everything she says will get her elected. The two don't mix

- I love the fact that unlike every other candidate who sloshes down Poland Spring after Poland Spring, Bernie is chugging straight black coffee. It's 10:45 and he's got a pot of that gas station quality mud under his lector.

- Hillary on the other hand practically has Rachel Maddow under her lector the entire night

- for all the fireworks we got early, it seemed the old man got a bit tired and Hillary realized it wasn't playing well, so at some point they seemed to be exchanging spots underneath each other's lectors

- you can see the Melanoma growing on Bernie's head, if that isn't king to get him, the fact that he looks like he is about to go into cardiac arrest right on stage. He also looks like he has to pee the entire time, maybe cut back on that black mud a bit??

- when Bernie smiles I half expect his teeth to fall out

- When Hillary smiles I see that carnival game clown

- when it comes to foreign policy, Bernie is lost. It is not the lack of experience that bothers me, it is that he has absolutely no discernible policy or direction. The answer to Russia's land grab cannot be "income inequality", the answer to North Korea cannot be "deregulating the banks" and the answer to Saudi-Iranian feud cannot be Big Oil...well maybe that could have something to do with it

- Bernie makes people who follow Islam sound like they are large deer. I get the Brooklyn accent is part of the charm but come on dude.

- you have to love that Hillary turns over her notes when she goes to take a wee. She treats them more carefully than she does classified information

- The contrast between a seasoned politician and a ideologue is pretty stark and as much as Hillary will fight I think we all believe that voting for her is a vote for the status quo...and that is not a bad thing at all

- glad to see Flint brought up, time for Obama to step in and treat this like the national crisis that it is, it is not his fault but if that were Bush, he would be getting killed for inaction. Time to step up and lead

- there is nothing lamer than the "would you choose him/her as your VP?" God, get over yourself MSNBC. We all know Hilary would take Ed Rendell and Bernie would take a moose

- I hope Chris Matthews and the rest of the MSNBC crew didn't hurt themselves (or each other) trying to get out from underneath Rachel Maddow and Chuck Todd's desk

- never remember candidates giving big hugs to the moderators after a debate before, guess it is like kissing your girlfriend after messing up the sheets

- last note, when the thing ended it was odd to not see Old Bill coming out...wouldn't be shocked if he was stuck under an MSNBC intern's desk

Thursday, February 4, 2016

Take on an aging fleet

Whenever I get on a plane, one of the first things I do is try to figure it how old it is and am often shocked how many planes are in US fleets which were built three decades ago. My B737 from Vegas today has that "kept together with tape and gum" feel to it. One of the bathroom doors won't lock, the other one looks like it was patched together from cardboard. The seats don't have headrests or TVs so you are forced to do the communal watching on that little 8 inch jobs that comes down out of the overhead while they play six episodes of the New Adventures of The Big Bang Theory with Friends.

Kill me

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Take on Rick "the dick" Santorum

Rick Santorum dropped out of the race today and has said he will endorse Marco Rubio but when he called the Rubio headquarters, he was told by aides that instead of endorsing, maybe he would be interested in making a donation instead.

Rick Santorum basically moved into Iowa over the last year and bragged about spending more time there than any other candidate and spoke often about visiting every one of the 99 counties..

the sad thing is that after all that time he spent, all those miles he drove (probably only using ethanol based gasoline) and all those main debates not invited to, he dropped out after getting only 1738 votes.   there were a record 180,000 people who came out to caucus and Santorum got 0.01% of those votes.    On an average ballot, Donald Duck gets more votes..   Guys like Kasich and Christie who spent about 10 minutes in Iowa got twice the votes he got.. 

anyway, he has dropped out.. so those 1738 people must be pissed because they gave it their all

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

take on the coin-flip

We will have some further analysis on the caucus system later but this was too good (or bad) to pass up.

Last night a couple hundred thousand Iowans went to some local gym to pledge their undying support for their candidate and then most of them were told that there candidate sucked (O'Malley, Kasich, Big Mike Huck, Santorum etc.) and were told to pledge their undying support for another one..  Campaigns spent hundreds of millions of dollars, news stations spent thousands of hours, I spent dozens of blog posts and at the end of the day.. it came down to a coin flip

Hillary Clinton won five precincts yesterday by calling heads.. somehow in 2016 we don't worry about hanging chads but we do worry about a coin toss..  Even the NFL knows this is an idiotic system for deciding a winner but the ultimate football game is still decided this way??? you gotta be kidding me

there were cases where there were 7 delegates at stake and the two were tied, so they were each awarded 3 and then they flipped a coin for the last one.. this is what we've come down to.. a 50/50 shot with a two-headed hillary coin

we are so screwed

Monday, February 1, 2016

take on Bill de Blasio campaigning in Iowa

I hate how sitting politicians get away with campaigning while they are still holding office because there is just no way that Christie, Kasich, Cruz or Rubio is able to provide the attention that their day jobs require and still run a national campaign.   What bothers me even more is when I see a guy like Bill de Blasio spending time campaigning in Iowa for Hillary Clinton right now..  I'm fine with him spending his weekend doing it, Bloomberg spent every weekend in Bermuda, but when I turn on CNN today and see him still going door-to-door, it starts to reek.. 
I know politics is all about scratching each other's backs but you'd think NYC has enough issues that de Blasio would..you know.. be at work..

My guess is that he'll be back tomorrow, so it's probably only a day or so but still I'd like to know who paid for the flight, the hotels etc.

but the better part of this story was that the Clinton campaign actually rejected the offer for de Blasio to come down and campaign as a surrogate but he came anyway and is just knocking on doors... the problem is that with numerous interview's people in Iowa had no idea who this turd was anyway..

Sunday, January 31, 2016

Take on the Iowa Caucus

Well we are finally here, after a dozen debates, two dozen candidates, hundreds of millions of dollars spent and no lives changed, the race for the guy or girl to replace Obama will officially begin tomorrow with something as archaic and idiotic as anything this country can think of...a caucus. Basically a bunch of farmers in Iowa will meet at a middle school gym and, like a middle school dance, they will get split up into different sides of the dance floor. The ones supporting Hillary will line up underneath the basket, the ones who support Bernie will line up. by the bleachers, a bunch of undecideds will line up by the bathroom and the one guy who supports O'Malley will have forgotten the address. Then there is some kind of pre-vote and assuming nobody gets a majority they will keep being forced to mingle until some 7th grade girl and some 8th grade boy will dance to that "I had the time of our lives" song and finally they will get to go home

I am not sure what to expect but since I nailed that ratings thing a few days ago I will go out and predict

For the donkeys
Hillary finishes in first
Bernie finishes in second
O'Malley finishes in last

For the elephants
Cruz wins
Rubio second
Trump third

Oh the horror.

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Take on property taxes

Some iFriends were discussing property taxes the other day and although I knew it, it always shocks me to find out how much more we in the Northeast pay than anybody else and the state of New Jersey pays the highest in the Northeast. 
The poll asked which category people fell in with categories like <$2000, $2000-5000, $5000-$10,000, $10,000-$15,000 and $15,000+ 

After seeing the answers were posting the rest of the country came back shocked 

Righetti, on 29 Jan 2016 - 10:07 PM, said:

 

jabarony, on 29 Jan 2016 - 9:07 PM, said:

What the hell do you guys get for $10k+ in taxes? Gilded fire hydrants?


I have no idea, we do get a good school but I imagine there are tons of people on here with a good school paying 1/3 of what we pay. 
Other than that we get garbage pickup, police, (volunteer) fire department, (volunteer) ambulance, a library, snow removal, recycling pickup weekly, a community center and and light on the roads.  Oh yeah we do get a couple of those nice blue recycling bins thrown in. 

I other words, probably exactly what you get for $5000

F me

 


The crazy thing is that although our taxes are the highest in the land, we have some of the worst services statewide. Our roads are a disaster, we have horrible mass transit, we pay $13 to cross a bridge to get to work, our main state thruway smells like sewage, our governor hasn't been in the state for three straight days for month, we lost our basketball team, Sinatra ha been claimed by New York, Bruce Springsteen, our state hero, best song is about getting the F out of the star, we have two football teams who put NY on their helmets, we can't buy a any retail item on Sunday because of antiquated Bergen County blue laws and we pay the highest taxes in the land. 




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Friday, January 29, 2016

Take on the Tumpless debate

So we got to the 7th debate last night which means that we are mere hours from the first bunch of corn farmer a standing in corners at a VFW hall under Rand, Jeb and Trump banners and I have to think that nobody thought we'd be quite here

I watched the entire debate and caught a bunch of Trump's thing on a live YouTube feed, so here we go with winners/losers and Jeb

Winners

Trump.   Yeah he sounded like he was hosting a bingo night at the VFW most of the time as he was listing off donation amounts from random Iowans but people watched because..well he's Trump

John Belushi $1400
John Gotti.   $150,000
John Elis Bush $3.50

But really the fact that he first 25 minutes for the Foxdebate were all questions about Trump tells you that he really is the elephant in a room  of asses

Roger Federer $3000
Roger Ailes  $1
Roger Rabbit $500

But the real reason Trump won was because FoxNews did a very nice job with putting the videos in front of the candidates to answer to and Trump would have been destroyed with that, so by staying away he also avoided he gotcha moment 

Howard Stern $4500
Howard Dean $40
Howard Duck $67

Rand Paul.  Maybe only because he got invited back to the big kid table or because while he was there he actually made sense.  I did not go into this cycle with any affection for little Rand but have warmed to him but still can't fully embrace him.  He is like a hemorrhoid, just when you thought he was dead he comes back and somehow you realized that you missed the little bugger.  
Loved his rant about  how prosecution of petty drug crimes has disproportionally destroys black lives but there was one point at the end when everybody was pulling a Carson where he was asked about Abortion being a state or federal issue where he seemed completely flustered, I have never seen him not come out with such a wishy-washy answer before
Did like the fact he fixed whatever the hell is happening on his head, for the first time it did no look like he a pubic hair Brillo pad on his head. 

Big Chris.   
He got to be Trump for the day, as he is easily the loudest most boisterous one on the stage but when you look like you spilled mustard on your tie it is never going to look presidential 

The thing with Christie is he repeats himself all the time, it's like watching Friends the same jokes get made a hundred times. We get it, you were a US attorney the day after 9/11 (or was it the day before) and you, as a governor, have to get things done and Joey is stupid and Courtney Cox is hot we get it.  He is like Rudy when it comes to content, it's all police and terrorism all the time 

BUT he had some of the best lines of the night including the one about the Clintons having had their last chance at public housing.  He also said "There have been multiple investigations that have proven that I knew nothing" which is probably not far from the truth. 

Megyn Kelly.  She got a lot of airtime leading up to this debate and was rightfully exonerated by anybody with a brain.  Reporters are supposed to be allowed to ask tough questions, or are we in Stalingrad??   Although I think the fact that she opened the first few debate questions with Trump did show that he got the better of her

John McEnroe $677
John McCain. $540
John Mcalaughlin $654

FoxNews.  Tim Russert would have been proud, showing clips of the candidates saying what they said as opposed to just quoting them was fantastic. 

The losers 
Jeb
He was actually kind of good yesterday, but he is just the definition of a loser.  He had a good day just like the kid in the playground when the bully was suspended and he is finally able to hang with his friend but when the bully comes back he will be cowering in the playhouse again just hoping not to get another wedgie. Everybody has seen the real Jeb and that isn't a pretty sight because he has the confidence of a mouse.  Between his campaign and Right to Rise they have spent $50,000,000 so far and he has as much traction as that O'Malley guy.   For context, Trump has spent $4million, Cruz $4.2million even Rubio has spent $10 million.  Jeb has spent 5 times what Rubio has spent and he will be remembered as Trump's bitch

Megyn Kelly's hair 
What the hell happened there.  Here is a word of advice, don't cut your hair short ever 

Rubio
The more you hear Rubio, the more you feel like you are in a twilight zone episode.   The world is crashing and Marco tells you that the sun is yellow, for all the talk of him being such a masterful politician it always shocks me with how out of touch he is with reality.  The guy is a complete robot and I am now convinced that he was built by his creator (not that creator but some dude in Silicon Valley) for a social experiment to see if they could create the perfect candidate.  He has the looks, the story, the hot wife, the beautiful family and has every single talking point at the tip of his tongue.  The problem is like any robot he cannot show genuine emotion, and when he tries it looks forced.  A robot also has a problem when you go off the expected subject.  Ask him about banking regulation and goes off on Hillary, ask him about the auto industry and he goes to his Obama and Hillary stump speech ask him if he prefers ice cream or cake and he says that we can never let Hillary Rodham Clinton be president 

Plus tried to program some extra Christ-y stuff for this Iowa model and it fell a flat as the earth. 

Those big ears are actually transistors to get the information back from Google Headquarters

Ricky Martin $1000
Ricky Gervais $980
Ricky Vaughn $99


Cruz
To make a boxing analogy there are brawlers, tactical dodgers, punchers and counter punchers.  Trump is a puncher, Rubio is a dodger, Jeb is a punching bag and Cruz is a counter puncher and what that means is that without Trump throwing haymakers, Cruz is out of his element. He cannot get any traction because he does not know how to be the front runner.  His shtick is that he is the anti establishment and he showed yesterday that he can't play from in front.  Terrible night for Cruz

Kasich 
I have his Christmas card hanging in my kitchen next to one from my cousin and one from my yard guy and am about to put all of those out in the recycling bin.   I love Christmas cards and think they are one of the most endearing parts of the holiday season but everybody seems happy to just send an e-card at this point or give my kid some huge plastic toy which will get a bunch of wows but then ends up in a pile of crap in the basement within a week.   Maybe people will come back to their senses and realize that there is something nice about a Christmas card but I doubt it

Carson.  I almost forgot about him. Oh well



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Thursday, January 28, 2016

Take on the Trump Dump

All the word this week has been about Donald Trump sticking it to FoxNews and skipping this debate which might have been him acting like an impulsive wacko (likely), a petulant child (typically) or a calculated move to run out the clock with the lead (ballsy).   We did get a kick out of Bill O'Reilly basically begging him to reconsider during Trump's visit into the no-spin zone and was even more entertained that Roger Ailes reached out to both Melanie Trump and Ivanka to beg him to come. 


anyway, Trump's got his competing event on CNN today.. which will certainly draw some viewers away but I wonder how much the overall impact will be..and how Trump will spin it..


as a reference point..

 

1st debate on FoxNews got 25 million people

2nd debate on CNN got 23 million people

3rd debate on CBNC got 11 to 14 million people

4th debate on FoxBusiness got 11 to 14 million people

5th debate on CNN got 18 million people

6th debate on FoxBusiness got 11 million people

http://thehill.com/p...d-without-trump

 

The ones on the channels that not everybody gets (CBNC and FoxBusiness) get around 11 million.. but the CNN and FoxNews ones get between 18 and 25 million.. Since this is a FoxNews production, I have to think Trump's people will compare it directly with the 25 million they got for that first debate which isn't totally fair since there was a novelty to that one.   The truth is that the average American isn't going to turn off The Big Bang Theory to watch any debate, so 25 million isn't realistic period..


but with that said I have to think that anything less than 25 million viewers will be showcased by Trump as a gigantic win for him.    We should probably compare it to the CNN one from December, so anything less than 18 million should be seen as a Trump dump (as opposed to a Trump bump for the rest of it) 

 

I am predicting about 12 million.. and 2 million for Trump's CNN dog and pony show


Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Take on those Oregonian ranchers



We were happy to see that Ammon Bundy and his brother Al got busted last night for being general weasels along with a bunch of their hillbilly cohorts.  What was entertaining was the mug shots which looked like some incestial Brady Bunch meets alternative Big Love thing.  What I couldn't quite figure out though was why there were these little sun icons on the bottom right hand corner of all their photos were, is this some kind of militia ranking like being a four star general??
But we decided to rank them in terms of crazy

8- 2nd Row, 2nd from the left.  
Maybe he is fooling me but that dude looks like the most normal Brady although you know what they say about guys with beards. 

7- 1st Row, 1st from the left. 
This might be Bundy but he looks like he could pump my gas and I wouldn't freak the f out

6- 1st row, 2nd from the left.  
Yeah the weird crooked smile is wacky but he looks a bit like that hick Simpson character, which means he can't be all bad 

5- 2nd Row, 4th from left 
He looks like Ron Jeremy meets Peppa Pig so at least he probably keeps the cow satisfied sitting in Hollywood Square seat 

4- 1st row 4th from the left
This chick didn't need all those free used dildos they kept sending over to that outpost with these studs around

3- 2nd row, 1st from the left 
This is some kind of Vern Schillinger kind of psycho but still better than

2-1st row, 3rd from the left 
This dude looks like he would rip your head off and then shove it up your five hole and then go in their mouth first to retrieve it but he is still not as scary as

1- 2nd row, 3rd from the left
There is a reason the Times did not give him a sun ribbon. This dude gives Row 1, 3rd from left nightmares and keeps 2nd row 4th from the left from getting it up. 




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Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Take on the Trump debate bow out

Even when he doesn't do something, he'll command the biggest headlines.   Today Donald Trump announced that he is going to skip the next debate because he doesn't appreciate the fact that Megyn Kelly isn't nice to him.  Our dislike to Kelly is not on her ethics or journalism credibility but because she threw some random "y" in her name which always annoys us, but this will be everybody's loss.  It will be Trump's loss for losing out on a chance to speak right before Iowa, a state which we predict he will lose, it will be FoxNews' loss because the ratings will suck, it will be the other candidates loss because they need trump to pull viewers, I guess it could be Cruz's gain which is by definition our collective loss so that's not good.  Jeb might be able to sneak his head out of the locker for a second which I guess is good for him but really who cares at this point 
But the real reason he dropped out of this is because it will give him a built in excuse for why he lost Iowa next week, the LameStream media will be to blame 



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Monday, January 25, 2016

Take on the sitting governor running for president conundrum

There is something so rotten about a sitting governor actively running for higher office I know it is done all the time and guys like Rubio get knocked plenty for their absenteeism from the senate but it is just worse for a governor. Christie always makes the point that unlike his congressional counterparts, as a governor you have to actually do things, a sentiment I agree with. The problem is that when he is in the state about 2 days per week we must use his own words to judge him. He is spending more time in New Hampshire than he is in New Jersey and unlike New Hampshire, we actually pay him to be at work.
He did make it back to Jersey just in time for the snow to hit but by Sunday he was back north again. We had a state of emergency, half the schools are still closed and there was record flooding down the shore and all the white Big Chris is drinking apple cider at a diner in New Hampshire with a bunch of retirees.

So if you want to run for office, suspend your day job because being an executive is a full time job or at least it should be

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Take on the weird exit door at JFK

It used to always be getting into the airport which was the major difficulty, between the long lines, security check, shoes off and everything else, just getting into the terminal was a nightmare but now it is all changed.
I was leaving JFK on Friday after a cross country flight and as I went down the escalator I saw daylight, it was right there calling my name in all its 23 degree glory but I could not reach it. I was stuck on a line of fifty people trying to exit the terminal through some Jetsons type contraption because instead of just walking out, we were all forced to exit through this two door pod. I am not sure how to describe it but imagine a fully enclosed pod with back doors and separate front doors. The concept is that one side of the pod would open and five people would cram inside and after the back doors closed, the front ones would open releasing the sorry sardines. I have no idea what the reason behind this kind of half assed revolving door idea was other than just another reason to hate air travel.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Take on Trump's 5th avenue threat

Even Donald Trump wants him out, he just can't figure out how to do it.   I am now convinced that The Donald got in this as a publicity stunt and all of a sudden on the eve of Iowa, he is sitting back thinking "holy shit, I may win this thing.  What the hell am I gonna do".   He tried being super racist, he tried condemning all Muslims, he ha fought with everybody, he bullies the establishment candidate every time he has a chance, he tried insulting a war hero, he tried berating a disabled man, he brought Sarah Palin on board to deliver a half drunk rambling stump speech which sounded like she was a total psychopath but nothing has worked.  Nothing has given him the ability to gracefully  step down from a position he never intended to get himself in.  The crazier he goes, the higher his rating go which is what will happened after his latest "I could stand in the middle of 5th avenue and shoot somebody and I would't lose voters" comment.  I mean, he is right, his supporters are that crazy but he can't be serious..right?
I am not sure how he gets off this ship, he apparently would like to but he can't seem to do it.   

The way this is  going he will it only win the GOP nomination, he will win the presidency, win a second term and then convinced congress to repeal the amendment limiting his time in office to two terms.  




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Friday, January 22, 2016

Take on the blizzard of the century

Let's throw some predictions out there

1- NYC will not get 3 feet of snow
2- my local supermarket will be out of cheese
3- the world will not end
4- Poland Spring and Evian and Dasani are all going to do really well this month
5- Home Depot and Lowes too
6- advertising rates for the Weather channel will be at the highest point all year
7- I will shovel some snow tomorrow

That will kind of cover it but still I have to laugh because this is typical US mentality. Everybody freak the F out because...it is winter. I get they it might be more snow than usual, I imagine it will be less than they are predicting and I am sure that if I need bread this weekend, I won't be able to get any because all of you crazies will have bought it all

So calm the F down and build a snowman

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Take on the smoker

When I was a kid, smoking was still sort of cool.  The Malboro cowboy was cool, Joe Camel was sort of cool and the idea of smoking PalMall without filters sounded manly.   It's 30 years later and all aspects of cool are gone.  I have ever been a smoker, so don't have any grasp of the difficulty of nicotine addiction but it can't be that hard since basically every person who isn't living in a trailer has given it up. 
But then I saw some dude standing outside of a water park in 14 degree weather in a wet bathing suit smoking and thought to myself that the tar must have reached his brain because it just makes no sense and I have no sympathy if you end up with a combination of pneumonia and black lung



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Wednesday, January 20, 2016

Take on the GOP Strikes Back

Somebody asked what Star Wars characters each candidate would most identify with, here goes the best answers

Trump.  Han Solo, brash, loud, irritating and likes chicks in bikinis.  In it for himself and will die alone having lost all his friend when Eric Trump stabs him on the catwalk overlooking the atrium at Trump Tower.

Carson.   The easy answer would have been Lando Calrissian but he doesn't look Armenian enough, so the answer is...  Yoda not because he is all knowing or because he has any hope of doing anything anymore (his time to shine was a long time ago) but because he speaks in such an odd manner that I forget what he is talking about almost immediately.  The problem is that everybody tells you that he is this genius, you just don't really see it..

Cruz.   The Emperor.  There are two sides of the force and most struggle between dark and light, right and wrong, love and anger.  Anakin fell to the dark side, Luke was tempted and Kylo Ren obviously fell too, so the distinction is not that clear even for the best Jedi...the one distinction is Darth Sidious, he is pure unadulterated evil, he has no redeeming values of good and his desires if ever fulfilled would destroy the Galaxy.  He is that dangerous

Rubio.  Darth Vader.  He is a puppet for the establishment, mostly because he is not that bright.  A Total hawk but somehow believes that he is doing right by turning far right even if it means leaving behind all that he should hold dear but in the end, you know/hope there is still good in his heart

Christie.  This is too easy. Jabba The Hutt.  Christie is a loud mouthed gangster who desperately wants to get the attention of the real warlords.

Kasich.   R2D2.  Nobody quite knows what he is saying and it all sounds wonky and weird but it is pretty certain that he is the smartest one in the room

Big Mike Huck.  One of those silly bears from Return of the Jedi, he looks cuddly and sweet but he probably smells like a wet dog and really is just in for the merchandise

Carli.  I won't go the easy route so will go with that Admiral Ackbar that weird fish looking commander who helps the rebels blow up the Death Star II, she is just that ugly

Rand Paul.  That little rat thing attached to Jabba.

Lindsey. Nien Nunb.  Total twins (http://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Nien_Nunb)
(https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lindsey_Graham#/media/File%3ALindsey_Graham%2C_Official_Portrait_2006.jpg)

Scott Walker. Joe Skywalker, the lost brother with the weird eyes and the bald spot who dropped out of Jedi school after a week

Santorum, Jindal, Pataki completely faceless Storm Troopers

Jeb C3P0