Tuesday, June 19, 2018

Take on the flag hugger

Trump is such a mental weirdo. He does these things that just scream Michael Scott like hugging a flag to prove how patriotic he is. I'm not sure what the official federal flag code and God forbid he would take a knee in front of the flag because that has to be so much worse than a very obese man rubbing his sweaty body up against it.

But this is Trump, the same guy who took five deferments in Vietnam telling the world how to treat the flag.

Monday, June 18, 2018

Take on Melania's 'rebuke'

the media is falling all over themselves trying to give credit to Melania's comments which they indicate are a direct rebuke on Trump's immigration policy.

the problem is that there was never a statement of Melania actually rebuking much of anything.. She did say she hated to see families torn apart which is more than Trump would say but then went to say that she hoped both sides of the aisle would come together to fix this (read..build that stupid wall).   This is like saying you like gorge on ice-cream and you also like to be skinny.  

Trump is president, Sessions is the AG, the GOP controls both the Senate and the House and this is a Trump policy which Stephen Miller has already indicated is so harsh specifically to deter other border crossers.   I am not sure what the correct fix is but I do know throwing kids into detention centers away from their families is NOT the solution..

but Melania will get credit for her compassion, her willingness to stand up and defend those who can't speak for themselves and to criticize her husband's policy.. sadly she didn't do any of that and knowing her role in the birther thing, I don't think she ever really will..

Sunday, June 17, 2018

Take on the sick loser

Trump went on a twitter rage today which usually means he's been tipped on some bombshell that will happen tomorrow. This is how things work in his world, he brings the nail and Big Bob brings the hammer and slowly they start to close the coffin. I've read a bit on this IG report and there are certainly some parts which read as anti-trump but that just means that Strzok and Page weren't clone puppets to the newly formed Trump reign like Rudy and Big Chris and the rest of the worthless saps who inhabit his orbit.

But like we said, when Trump goes on one of these rants, it is a sure sign that Big Bob will bring the hammer...hope he takes it right to Don jr's nutsack

Saturday, June 16, 2018

Take on the White House job fair.

Now Hiring

Long hours, government pay, tons of nepotism to deal with and you may at some point get dragged into a criminal investigation. Please send resume

The White House is hiring and there is so little interest amongst qualified career lawmakers and staff that they have resorted to putting an ad online hoping to get some millennial interest.

See Trump is so rotten that just being in his orbit will have you smell like catfish flavored polish rum for a month. So unless you can manage the Scott Pruit route, this job probably is going to suck as you eventually join Paul Manafort squeezing your ass together whenever you drop the soap.

Friday, June 15, 2018

Take on Paul Spineless Ryan

If you are going to look up spineless weasel on Wikipedia, I expect you to get a giant JPEG of Paul Ryan. There really has never been a mess principled person that Ryan, as he can't help but openly felate both the president and all his hangers on. I get that he's not a very smart man but, at minimum, you would have hoped that he had decency but somehow morals aren't allowed in Jainsville anymore.
What always bothered me about Ryan was that people always claim that he's some policy wonk but that's just calling him the tallest midget. I doubt that Paul Ryan understands macroeconomic policy substantially better than Peter King (either one) or that he has insight on the grand effects of healthcare much past his own copay.

So when he says that he's not sure what to think of Scott Pruit using every last bit of his power to rip off the entire USA, I'm neither shocked or surprised. If he does know, he doesn't have the internal moral fortitude to have any desire to doing anything about it and if he really doesn't know, it's basically par for the course as he does genuinely come across as frat boy dummy.

Thursday, June 14, 2018

Take on the Korean War Veteran remains

Trump came out to say that many parents of Korean War soldiers have asked him to bring back their remains, and now as president he is looking to make good on that. The issue is that the Korean War ended 65 years ago which makes most Korean War Veterans in the 83-96 range and would make their parents somewhere around 110. I get there are a few 110+ year old walking around but I have to guess that they are more likely to complain about their soup than go to campaign rally's
Somebody asked if this kind of thing bothers Trump Voters but I suspect these are the same people who believe the earth is 5000 years old, so space-time probably doesn't mean the same thing to them as it does us.

Wednesday, June 13, 2018

Take on the greatest trip of all time

The greatest president of all time just came back from a historic mission to bring peace to the Korean Peninsula and the greater world and it's fair time that he liberal elite acknowledge his deal making prowess. He didn't actually get any concessions from Kim Jong Un but we are told they did have a nice meal and the two got along well. The only testy point was when the two discussed their golf scores but luckily it only lead to more positivity as they planned a nice golf outing at the newly planned Trump World Resort in Pyongyang.

We did save a bunch of money by switching to Geico and suspending those pesky military drills with South Korea, so DJT continues in his cost cutting efforts. We also saved by not bringing Jim Mattis along because we know MadDog likes to order the expensive Chardonnay on AirForceOne He did bring Big Huck so that cut into the budget but luckily Donald ate a Wendy's burger, so Sarah Sanders was able to have his surf and turf.
John Bolton also came along but we saved by not needing to provide a nose hair trimmer and Mike Pompeo only ordered soup although that soup was made from the tears of dying children.
Luckily for all Scott Pruitt wasn't invited which meant that the AirForceOne linens didn't need to be replaced. Dennis Rodman flew on his own dime which was nice. Neither Ivanka or Ivankhim came along so at least they didn't demand to be put up in the presidential palace

Maybe Trump can borrow W's "Mission Accomplished" banner. Would save a few bucks there, too

Tuesday, June 12, 2018

Take on Michael Cohen’s pending arrest

Michael Cohen is thisclose to being arrested and that could finally spell the end to our long national nightmare. The reason is simple, Michael Cohen is not a hardened tough man, he's not a guy who wants to spend the next ten years worrying that Biff is horny. Even if he spends his time in a low security prison, he'd lose his future and not see his kids grow old and this is not a guy who seems to want to do that for some twisted one way loyalty to a boss who wouldn't spit on him if he was engulfed in flames.

So expect Cohen to start singing, expect Trump to start chirping and know that Big Bob Mueller will be laughing all the way to the courthouse

Monday, June 11, 2018

Take on Rudy’s porn addiction

When a headline includes Stormy Daniels, Rudy Giuliani, Michael Avenatti and Porn, it's like a bat signal for TOR.
Avenatti has been trolling Giuliani for weeks and apparently has found some IP evidence that Rudy is a dirty old man and is dangling that tidbit out of the window to get Rudy's blood pumping
We know that there is no way that Rudy has any blood pumping down to his Little Rudy without some pharmaceutical aid, so this is probably the only way for the mayor to get exited. Now the only question is, what kind of porn is Rudy into?!? I'm sure it's some BBC shit.

Sunday, June 10, 2018

Take on the Kim Jong Un flight.

Kim Jong Un and Donald Trump have now both arrived in Singapore and the most memorable image was KJU getting onto an Air China plane. It's been speculated for weeks that he'd need some assistance since the North Korean aging air fleet doesn't have the range to reach anywhere near Singapore which is a bit ironic considering we are having this meeting because of a fear that they can reach the west coast of the US with a nuclear missile. But anyway, he got onto the flight, made his security detail jog next to his car and is likely watching a bunch of hotel porn and snacking out of the minibar.
Trump is likely doing the same at his hotel tonight.

Only question remains, did Kim get some Star Alliance frequent flyer miles out of this thing.

Saturday, June 9, 2018

Take on

Angela Merkel's office released a photo of the G7 summit with the chancellor waning over a desk backed up by May, Abe and Macron in what looks like she's scolding Trump for drawing on the walls. We are all unimpressed with Trump's hard negotiation stances so far as she hasn't really gotten anything out of anybody although like the snake oil salesman that he is, he's somehow convinced somebody that what he has done has merit. Trump's stupid smirk perfectly exemplifies his lack of interest in bilateral agreements, his theory on his need for allies and his thoughts on diplomacy.

Either that or he looks like he's taking a giant shit

Friday, June 8, 2018

Take on the ESPN W recommended articles

ESPN.com has a section they call W which unbelievable is for Women's sports which works out well if you want to know about the FIFA Women's World Cup teams. What is odd is that when I scroll to the bottom of the page, the related articles they have online are "Skateboarder Leticia Bufoni bares all" and another naked photo accompanying an article called "US Hockey National Forward" I get that this is probably some stupid algorithm and they are trying to add content to women's sports site using articles featuring women athletes but somehow I doubt this was the intention. And I really doubt my 8 year old daughter who looking to learn if Alex Morgan will dominate really cares about seeing Hope Solo topless.
Nice job ABC and Disney, glad to see you've paid attention to the MeToo movement.

Thursday, June 7, 2018

Take on the Morissette in Chief

When your present is quoting Alanis Morissette , you know the country is in trouble. Trump is going to Canada to fight Trudeau on the cost of milk, going to Singapore to fight Kim on the price of peace and will be back in time for 18 next weekend. I'm rooting for the president for his Singapore Summit even if he doesn't think he needs to prepare much. This is the biggest move towards peace on the Korean Peninsula in five decades and our moron in Chief is going in cold. You know he won't read the intelligence briefings, the state department prepared files or even a newspaper. So at this point we should be happy if he doesn't puke on the guy

Wednesday, June 6, 2018

Take on Scott Pruit

Scott Pruitt loves lunch and loves Chick-Fil-A. He loves lunch so much that he's been eating at the White House mess so much that a White House aide had to tell him to leave. I have no idea why a guy whose has made millions cares so much about a free lunch but this is the same guy who takes government planes, flies first class on the Us taxpayer dime and travels with a bigger posse than Kanye West.
Anyway, he's a loser and I think he has plugs

Tuesday, June 5, 2018

Take on God Bless America

Trump tried to sing God Bless America and he butchered it like I butcher most Taylor Swift songs when I'm driving in the car. I know that I butcher Taylor's music mostly because I don't really care which is what I assume Trump thinks of God Bless America. The weird thing is that The Star Spangled Banner is the more difficult song, just ask Enrico Palazzo, so not knowing the words is just odd for a person who must have been to at least a few Yankee games.
Then again he likely doesn't know the Star Spangled Banner either

Monday, June 4, 2018

Take on Fat Kim

Everybody agrees that Kim Jong Un is not an attractive man. He's 5'4", weighs 240 pounds, wears a thing that looks like the tarp at Yankee Stadium and has a hair cut like his barber had a spasm. He also has this perpetual scowl on his face that looks like somebody peed in his kimchee. The peed in the kimchee look is sort of his trademark but for some reason the Russian State TV photoshopped him smiling when he met with some diplomat. It's so awkward because rumor has it the man only cracks a smile when his grundle is tickled and unless Mrs Kim is hiding under that stupid bathrobe looking thing and playing ventriloquist with his five hole, that smile isn't true.

Anyway, good luck on the big June meeting with Trump. Sadly for the world, neither of these men look like they like a tossed salad.

Sunday, June 3, 2018

Take on Rudy with George Snuffleupagus

For a seemingly smart guy, Rudy is really not that bright. George Snuffleupagus asked Rudy about his shifting explanations for statement on Trump Tower meeting

"This is the reason you don't let the president testify. Our recollection keeps changing, or we're not even asked a question and somebody makes an assumption."

This is the time where Rudy must get confused, it is the only explanation. He apparently confused "things which are totally true" with "things he should say in public". I could see how that would be hard to distinguish but they really should be two entirely different things when dealing with Trump. Anyway, he is going to screw this thing up so royally for Trump that he will soon get the Big Chris Christie treatment.

Saturday, June 2, 2018

Take on the Trump Letter

Trump was handed a letter from Kim Jong Un which looked like one of those novelty cards you give your uncle when he turns 65. It's either that or Trump's tiny hands make a normal size envelope look like you could shove one of those road maps books you used to buy at the gas stations.
Anyway, he said it was a very nice letter before he said that he hasn't read it yet and everybody mocked him but in fairness, you don't actually think he is going to read it anyway, so who cares what he says

Friday, June 1, 2018

Take on the NK-US hotel bill

Trump announced that the on-again, off-again date with Kim Jong Un is back on again. The issue now are logistical ones

- who is going to pay for the North Korean 5 star hotels? The North Koreans aren't willing to roll out $6000 per night per room, so now we have to foot that bill

- who is going to get them to Singapore? Their crappy Soviet planes can hardly make it across the Sea of Japan. Somebody needs to lend them a Learjet

- who is going to bring enough food to feed those two lards? You just know Trump won't try anything icky and fishy and Kim will likely eat anything they put in front of him. Both are likely to use the crayons on the table and one of them is likely to get it stuck up their nose.

Anyway, glad this BroMance is back on but if we are going to take it in the five hole..why do we have to pay for dinner?!??

Thursday, May 31, 2018

Take on Michael Cohen’s shredder

Maybe Michael Cohen should have invested in a better shredder. One of those multidirectional micro cutters that destroy evidence like Drake destroys cats. But apparently Cohen went to Staples and hit the "that was easy" button and got the one on sale and now Beretta Bob Mueller is on his ass and they are expecting to reconstruct major pieces of evidence within weeks. This doesn't look good for the "she bleached those emails" crowd and as anybody who watched Homeland remembers, bringing one of these pictures back to life takes like a week of five kids working in sweltering conditions.

Michael, maybe next time just set your entire office on fire.