Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Take on Little Don's secret service protection

So Little Don's secret service protection has been ended as has Kellyanne Conway and we see all scratching our heads to why.

There are four likely scenarios

- Little Don is trying to save US Tax payers money

- Little Do wants some privacy for completely legitimate reasons

- Little Don knows that what I observed by USSS can be used against him

- Little Don really is Fredo and Michael isn't happy.


I'm going with 3.

Monday, September 18, 2017

Take on Paul Walnuts

Imagine the shock you would be in if eight years here was a report of David Axelrod being wire tapped under an FBI investigation. You would think the entire thing was either ludicrous or we were setting ourselves up for another grassy knoll.
But with Donald Trump it won't even any on the front page for more than a few hours. Americans just don't care. We claim we are all about values and swamp draining while in fact we're all about celebrity worship. Donald J Duck is a celebrity and we don't want to see a flaw and certainly are not ready to turn off his Truman Show. Why else would this investigation into Pauly Walnuts Manafort have no life to it? Yeah a bunch of us are screaming but it all just gets lost in the wide void. Trump is a master of deflection and has mastered the art of avoiding responsibility and his followers are proving time and time again to be nothing but blind sheep. The problem is that there are 43 million of them

Sunday, September 17, 2017

Take on Rocket Man

The guy gave us Little Marco, Crooked Hillary and low energy Jeb! so it is no surprise that he came up with a doozie for Kim Jong Un. I'm not quite sure what the "rocket man" name is really meant to be but I'm sure Trump thinks it's good. Our boy Elton John must be proud of the way his words are being used and in a way it sounds a bit more like a compliment than an insult but what the heck do we know.

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Take on Uber

I stopped using Uber a while ago and switched to Lyft because the CEO was a miserable slob. I usually don't care about corporate boards but there are a few exceptions including Uber, Snapple and Chick Fil-A but when he was ousted, I thought about going back to start using them. The issue with Uber actually goes deeper than Travis Kalanick, their entire culture was misogynistic, so I wanted to see the next step and took note when they let out that they were looking for a female CEO. I believe it should be a position where qualifications are paramount but like the Rooney Rule, one where people have to be given a fair shot.

The headline in the Post today said "Uber's search for a female CEO has been narrowed down to 3 men"
Nice job boys

Friday, September 15, 2017

Take on the boob sports guy

Some yuck yuck sportsguy went on CNN today to discuss the Jemele Hill "controversy" and proceeded to tell he host that he only appreciates the first amendment and boobs. Everybody was up in arm about this guy but I have to imagine that if you bring on Don Imus or Craig Carton or Howard Stern to comment on media, you might get the same kind of thing. Yeah it's juvenile, it's inappropriate and it's actually kind of lame but it's exactly what you expect from a guy doing morning drive in Columbus or wherever.
Why bothers me more is that this guy has a name that is two first names, that kind of guy usually shows up at a party and takes off his pants and proceeds to lose a shoe

Thursday, September 14, 2017

take on the Mnunchin wedding photo

the world is up in arms about Steve Mnuchin requesting to use an official government plane for his honeymoon earlier this summer.   A revelation which came to surface a few weeks after he and his wife stepped off of a government plane for a 'very important meeting' down in Kentucky on the day of the eclipse with his wife hash-tagging all her crappy luxury clothing.

you just knew that this was the kind of drain swamping we would get when voting for Trump, so nobody should be surprised.

what i'm more appalled with are those terrible wedding photo that they keep showing, this has to be a collection of some of the worst dressed people ever for a formal event..

  • Melania looks good and she would have avoided our ire this time if it weren't for the fact she is wearing Pepto Bismo pink, a color which washes every white person right out..  

  • Trump looks like he's humpty dumpty in that oversized tuxedo, for a billionaire he dressed like he shops in his dad's closet.   The pants don't fit, he doesn't button the jacket because he's got this gigantic belly

  • Mnuchin looks like he belong in DuckTails, somebody needs to pull his wedgie out of his five hole

  • Mrs. Mnuchin (What the hell kind of last name is that anyway??) has to be wearing one of the worst wedding dresses I've ever seen, she looks like one of those princesses at Disney World.   Hey sweetheart, you have one chance to wear white at a wedding and you screwed that up, you look like you washed your wedding gown with a pair of red sox..

  • Pence looks pretty good actually, a tuxedo suits him fine

  • Mrs Pence looks like she fell into a pit of lace and came out with a smile on her face..


Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Take on Trump's wardrobe snafu

Trump is reaching out to black people, republican black people but black people nevertheless. Today he had a meeting with South Carolina Senator Tim Scott to forge stronger race relations, like most thing Trump, it did not go well

First he tried to explain to Scott that there were antagonists on both sides of Charlottesville to which Scott gave Trump a 300 year American history lesson.
Then the White House sends out a photo calling him Tom Scott which is probably because Trump once met a Tom Scott and got the two guys confused

But he most insulting thing was that Trump showed up wearing black pants with a navy blue jacket. He should be impeached just for that

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Take on TedCruz's twitter habits

There is nobody in the world who ever believes any celebrity when they say their twitter account got hacked.  This is the adult equivalent of using the Dog ate my Homework thing.   Ted Cruz's excuse for liking porn started out as a hacked twitter account and later went to the rogue staffer inadvertently liking porn.   I've watch plenty of twitter porn and inadvertently liking a post is a real fear for everybody, the little heart thing can easily get in the way when you are trying to scroll up and down.  

What is not a fear is accidentally ending up on said porn username and then inadvertently liking something.  You don't accidentally end up on @sexuallposts, ever. 

I'm sure there will be a thorough investigation and it will result in nothing unless some poor intern falls on Cruz's little sword.   Maybe it was really somebody else, who knows. 

But the chances it was Ted beating the old Cruzer is the most likely scenario here.  Glad he's never taken a hard stance and built an entire persona around hating something like that 





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Monday, September 11, 2017

Take on the Tripper

When Jack's twin brother Austin rode into town swooning all over Furley's niece Veronica, you finally got a glimpse of the all American Jack. Nothing was better than Jack with the cowboy hat and the southern drawl trying to convince RF that he was in fact two people in one scene.  This was John Ritter at his absolute best and should have easily won him an Emmy for best actor AND another one for Best Supporting actor for Austin.  
This was Jose Canseco and Ozzie Canseco wrapped into one sandwich of beef except he meant to have that ball bounce over the wall. 

The brightest of all stars dimmed 14 years ago and we still mourn the loss.  

I'm having a shot of Jack tonight and doing it through a mixing straw in your honor

Never Forget 




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Take on the Midas touch.

Mr Trump, there is something seriously wrong with you. I can't quiet out my finger on it but it seems guy are infatuated with what people think of you. After Harvey you stood on a fire truck in basically Idaho and spoke about the tremendous crowd, in Phoenix at your campaign rally you spoke about the huge audience, at your inauguration you said it was the biggest crowd ever assembled for an inauguration, all of which were just plain wrong. But now you are trying to take that same mentality and try to imprint it on the agencies that, as the president, you do lead. The issue is that often times you say things which make no sense and guy overinflated what they do under your administration. It's as if you disregard everything they've done before and count only what they do as of January 2017.

The Coast Guards brand has been fine and there is nothing in their efforts over the last week which radically change that. They've always worked hard, their work is always valiant and their bravery is never questioned as they go to the most difficult places to rescue. The issue isn't what they do, the issue is what you ostensibly take credit for. Their work on the high seas is nothing you take credit for, you have nothing to do with that. Yes you lead in the big picture them but you don't define them, they do hard work under you just like they did under Obama and under Bush and under Clinton and under Bush and under Reagan. You get it?

King Midas you are not. The Burger King is maybe a better description.

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Take on the Trump Prayer

A photo emerged today of an emergency meeting a Trump had with his top advisors and cabinet members who were discussing preparation for Irma. It's a photo from Camp David and shows a bunch of old white guys presumably praying

But this is what we noticed

There is one guy bottom left who looks like he is napping. I literally spent many hours of my life like that while in high school.
You got the guy next to him who is apparently an atheist because he's busy typing away on his iPhone
You got Steve Mnuchin who is wondering what all this talk of Jesus is
You have Betsy Devos wonders why anybody would need anything other than prayer

And then you have Big Don in the middle who looks like he just finished playing with himself.

Friday, September 8, 2017

Take on the evacuation of a state.

Governor Rick Scott told his state to evacuate today. Great advice governor, can't imagine trying to get 21 million people out on route 95 at once. I get that these natural disasters don't have a good predictable game plan but sending a bunch of 90
Year old snow birds barreling up the highway in their 1994 Ford Tauruses seems like you are creating your own natural disaster. Although the good thing is that roads will be so clogged that nobody will go any faster than 20 miles per hour which truthfully will look like a roller derby when those winds start kicking and people start freaking out.

Be safe

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Take on Steve Bannon's one issue with the catholic church

Steve Bannon has taken to the media like his former boss has taken to the buffet line but today he went after something even bigger than the media..the church.

In an interview with 60 minutes, Bannon goes after the Catholic Church for capitalizing on illegal immigration..  Steve Bannon, a Catholic, seems to see the church as a money making enterprise not dissimilar to Disney..

But the most laughable part of this entire thing was the raging headline "Steven Bannon says he's a 'street fighter, slams Catholic Church for being terrible on one issue"

What bothers me about this headline, and likely what Bannon said is that it makes it sounds like the Church has been wrong on one issue which might be true but not the one he's talking about..  

Illegal Immigration and the Church's role (and need) in that is debatable, but the pedophile priest scandal and cover-up is bar-none the one issue they have been ridiculously wrong on..


anyway, carry on. 

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Take on the Trump Schumer photo

Don and Chuck go way back, they are both kids from the outer boroughs, are both in their retirement age and both badly want to get the spotlight. So it's not surprising that Donald has maybe found a Democrat willing to play a little ball, or maybe it God the other way. Chuck and Don had some weird man hug love fest today as the two did their weird hug dance kiss thing.
But I guess Donald "The Duck" Trump and Chuck "The Duck"Schumer are becoming a pair on this thing is good in one way, it makes Mitch "the bitch" McConnell and Paul "Don't call me Pip" Ryan look like fools which is always good and best of all ties Trump to Pelosi. Maybe the two can share beauty tips.

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Take on DACA

It figures that it takes a dumb Trump decision to finally bring our fractured country together. It wasn't even something stupid he said this time, it was campaign rhetoric which all of a sudden became real and the influence will be great
DACA is about as uncontroversial an issue as you'll get and somehow Trump screwed that up again.
How you would send a kid back to a count y he may have left when he was an infant is beyond cruel. That kid is as American as it gets and sending him to Slovakia or Slovenia or Mexico or Holland is ludicrous. That isn't his home, it probably never has been.
But the most laughable portion was Sarah Sanders saying that Trump wants to "make a decision with compassion, but at the same time, you can't allow emotion to govern"

Trump NOT using emotions to make a decisions is about as unlikely as one of those dreamers taking away a coal job

Monday, September 4, 2017

Take on fat Trump

A president ages two decades for every eight years he's in office. Gone are the dark colors in their hair, lost are their youthful looks as the dress of the most important job in the world weighs down on them. Trump through eight months doesn't look older, he just looks fatter.

Trump really looks like the Pillsbury Dough Boy, he has gotten increasingly fat, his face looks like a blotchy cherry pie and his hands look like they belong on a 12 year old boy. He is what people think of when they think of the glutinous USA and somehow it is perfect

Sunday, September 3, 2017

Take on Trump's fatal attraction

CNN featured an article today today about the historic low of the Trump-Obama relationship.  What is odd about this article is that it contains the following line

Now, the current and former president are carrying out the nastiest public dispute in modern presidential history, one that began on deeply personal terms and which now plays out nearly every time Trump finds a policy he dislikes or a perceived double standard.

This sort of implies this battle goes two ways when, in fact, it really only goes one way.  Truth is that Trump has been battling Obama for years and he best thing that Obama has done is just ignored the oaf.  Trump, like a younger brother, is  completely hot and bothered by Obama's silence.  He just constantly turns up the feud and Obama continues to ignore him.  Trump is that pathetic puppy who so badly wants attention and Obama just won't even grace him with a response.  
People who support Trump -and likely drink bud lite out of a can and park on their grass- love the battle and seem oblivious that it's about as competitive as a WWE match, most likely because they are the same morons that would go to a WWE match.  
Anyway, I hope CNN got their clicks because Trump hasn't gotten one from the only one that counts 





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Saturday, September 2, 2017

Take on the loneliest supermarket aisle

There was a remarkable photo on social media earlier today of a supermarket in Houston completely empty of all food other than the one vegan section in the refrigerated aisle. This really isn't very surprising because this is both Houston and vegan which are about the least combinable entities you can think of. Vegan food generally tastes like a wet boot and the one thing that Houstonians have plenty of would be wet boots.

So send some help down there, send bottled water, sneakers or canned goods. Just make sure all of them have meat in them

Friday, September 1, 2017

Take on the Trump donation

Donald Trump pledged a $1 million donation to Harvey victims which we can only see a sign that the apocalypse is near.  It's not that a billionaire donating to a good and worthy cause should be shocking, what is shocking is that this billionaire pledged to do so.  Then again Trump has promised and pledged before and most of the time he talks a big game and donates nothing.  
Then the real question is whether this generous donation will come from Trump himself or from the Trump organization which is a huge difference. Mainly because Trump Organization charity arm is mostly funded by people other than Trump.   Records show that Trump hasn't even donated to his own charity in nearly a decade, so if the donation comes from that group it will actually be less from Trump than if the donation came from The Red Cross because he might have actually texted that number to give $5 to them.  Although even that seems unlikely. 
Anyway, good for the president, it's a cause that desperately needs it but like most things about Trump it seems to be more about getting him into the spotlight than anything else. It would be great if Obama donated $1,000,001 tomorrow, you just know it would drive this maniac mad. 






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Thursday, August 31, 2017

Take on seeing it First Hand

Trump sucks, this is a known fact by now but I actually see nothing wrong with a few of the things he's getting hit with as related to his reaction to Harvey

- he didn't meet with victims, I get that this makes for a nice photo-op and should be something that people do out of the goodness of their heart but it's not actually necessary. Whether Trump hugs a woman who lost her home or talks to a kid who lost his dog does not make a real difference in the big picture. We already know that Trump doesn't have any real compassion and as a germaphobe he's not actually going to touch these wet people. He sucks and is a horrid human but it's almost better that he doesn't try because he'd inevitable look disgusted which won't help.

- he said he saw it "first hand" when, in fact, he was nowhere near the devastation. Again, who cares? This is a figure of speech and for a guy like Trump who has a very limited vocabulary it's just another verbal crutch like "greatest", "believe me" or "beautiful".
I don't care that he wasn't standing in three foot water putting up sand bags, he has to be looking at the bigger picture and finding ways to get FEMA, the Army Corp of Engineers and local towns every resource they need.
What actually happened was about right, Jun standing on a fire truck 50 mikes away for a speech. If he'd gone closer he would have gotten people screaming that he's hindering the relief efforts, if he doesn't come at all he gets labeled as out-of-touch. This was fine and his version works for me

He still sucks

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Take on the FoxNews poll.

When a FoxNews poll tells you that Trump is tearing the country apart, you know we're in trouble. His response to Harvey is probably the highlight of his tenure and even that has been lukewarm. Now he has set his sights on tax reform which, if it is anything like his repeal and replace promise, will fall flat. But this is Trump, his entire strategy is to talk out of his gigantic ass and hope that he gets press coverage. If he gets pressed for details he tells you to believe him and that it will be great and big and beautiful and then we'll all focus on another issue. But over time, it does take a toll on the American people even the ones who voted for this guy

I have neighbors who live up the street who this week replaced their gigantic Trump flag with an Alabama football flag. It's the only time I was happy to see somebody try to flaunt Nick Saban, who might have met his match in doucebaggary with Trump.