Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Take on Elizabeth Warren

There are times when I scratch my head not by what Trump says, but instead what his critics say afterwards

Trump attacked Kristen Gillibrand today with a veiled attack on her which sounded sexual in nature. Of course, Big Huck, can try to say that there was nothing sexual about it which nobody believes she actually buys into.
But Elizabeth Warren's response was the one that kind of had me confused. "are you really trying to bully, intimidate and slut-shame @SenGillibrand? Do you who you're picking a fight with? Good luck with that, a @realDonaldTrump..."

I can appreciate Warren coming to Gillibrand's defense we but not sure saying Trump Slut Shamed her was the best way to do it. Maybe she's implying that Gillibrand gets around, maybe she is implying that she doesn't but I can't for the life of me see that as helpful. Slut Shaming is a real issue but it certainly implies that there was some not kosher activity going on

Anyway, good luck getting this guy to resign, chances of it are about as high as him grabbing your ass at lunch. Oh no, that is the opposite of the chances of him resigning.

Monday, December 11, 2017

Take on the Embassy

Sexy Rex Tillerson tried to throw some cold water on Trump's disastrous decision to move the US Embassy to Jerusalem, a move which only pokes a billion people for the pure amusement of Jared Kushner
Tillerson came out saying it would take several years to build the new embassy to which I assume Trump will reply that he can build it in half that time and come in under budget
Sadly, it will mean a bunch of undocumented Palestinians will go unpaid, the foundation will crack and we'll be forced to sell it after declaring bankruptcy on it, probably turn into an Embassy Suites

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Take on the YUGE Sale

When you get an email that says "This Sale is YUGE" you sort of expect it to be from a used car salesmen, so when it came from the President of the United States, it was even less shocking. I can't quite understand how or why our president is hawking cheap ornaments instead of, you know, working with congress to fix the ills of our country. Either that or play a round or two of golf
But anyway, our president is no better than a guy selling a pinto with the mileage rolled back and saw dust in the gas line and he wholly embraces it

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Take on the DC consumer in charge

Our president spends 4-8 hours watching TV and puts down a dozen DC's per day. This sounds a lot like SuperBowl Sunday for a couple of my buddies but even those slobs only do that once per year. This guy leads the free world and brags about his awesome TiVO machine so he can orgasm over Fox and Friends after Hate-Watching Morning Joe
But a dozen diet cokes is insane, those 1 calories apparently add up because Trump looks like he ate a small car and every time you see him, he gets fatter and fatter
The chances of this guy pulling a William He Roy Harrison while laying in bed with a bag of Cheetos and a Big Gulp have to be somewhere in the 80% range, somebody put him on a diet or we'll be stuck with Pence.

Friday, December 8, 2017

Take on old Lindsey

When I first hear about Lindsey Graham he was just this dude who always seemed to hang it with John McCain. He didn't say much and you just heard that he was some Hawk but even that always seemed like overcompensating for the fact he lived with his mother and their combined 50 cats.

You didn't learn much about him during his campaign when he mostly spent time at the kiddy table but he did, at least, come across a sensible critic when it came to Trump.
As McCain's gotten older and more frail, Lindsey seemed to have tried to take the spotlight but it now seems his affections aren't for Old John but instead his eyes are now gazing right at the Orange Cheetah in the White House. He lead a failed attempt at repealing ObamaCare with McCain dropping his support like a hot potato, he went golfing with Trump and now he's hawking the whole Fusion GPS thing. He has officially gone off the deep end.

This is what happens when you get into Trump's crazy orbit, with the rest of the world starts running away, old Lindsey gets pulled in harder

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Take on Sarah Sloth Sanders

Big Huck was back on the podium today and somehow was able to shove her gigantic foot past her gigantic belly and into her gigantic mouth, or at least that is what I hope. She said today that Trump would be fine with anti-gay signs at restaurants which seems like the thing that would have been cool to say in 1957, maybe. This is the president of the United States saying that discrimination is fine and vile signs are ok too. Forget whether it's legally right, it certainly is morally repugnant but then again that is par for the course with this man and his posse of grime.
But what was also noticeable is how incredibly weird looking Big Huck has gotten, she makes these Jim Carrey faces without even trying where somehow her one eye dropped below her nose-line. It's really very disturbing. She looks like sloth from Goonies

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Take on President Dentures

For all the hoopla about today's brain dead announcement of announcing that the US will now recognize Jerusalem as the capital as Israel, that wasn't the most Trump thing of the afternoon. It also wasn't the new reveal about Michael Flynn or even the testimony of Eric Prince. The most Trump part of the day that it appeared he lost his crappy dentures right towards the end of his poorly constructed, meandering speech about Israel. It was the weirdest thing as he all of a sudden went Weird Al in Smells like Teen Nirvana.

Either that or he has a stroke mid sentence, either way, kind of weird and he'll be especially pissy when the MSM gets a hold of these stories

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Take on subway Times

I'm standing on the subway today and staring at the wall and for the life of me, I can't figure out why they call them subway tiles. Subway tiles are these long rectangular things people put in their showers to look hip and urban but when you look at actual tiles in a subway station they are square and grimy which isn't the look you might be going for when you are hoping to get clean.

So please, rename those things as rectangular tiles and call the little square ones subway tiles...but only if they are covered in homeless juice

Monday, December 4, 2017

Take on Roy Moore, US Senator

A few weeks ago it seemed that Alabamanians -which I assume are Armenian hicks- were going to send Roy Moore packing but the closer we get, the more obvious it is that Alabama voters will send him to Washington
Our president, an accused sex offender, has no issue with the accusations, which is not surprising since he only believes accusations made agains Democrats and CNN anchors. We all know Trump has no morality, so his endorsement is one of the most predictable things this side of Trump saying something stupid. But this is where it gets interesting, the GOP establishment who first tried to shun Moore, has quietly turned around and are now fully behind a guy who strolled around the mall picking up girls in training bras.
Nice job 'merica.

Sunday, December 3, 2017

Take on Trump’s Access Hollywood denial

Sarah Sanders doesn't think we need to have the Access Hollywood conversation again because it was already litigated and ruled on with the 2016 election. If that's the case, it's a bit odd that her boss is the one trying to put doubt into its authenticity but then again, consistency is not either of their strong suits.
But as Big Huck tries to sweep this under the rug, you wonder why politicians seems to be the only ones getting a pass. Although they all looked the other way for ever, since the #MeToo movement, the news media has ruled quickly and decisively, so has the entertainment industry. Big business has taken down some people but the only one who has avoided having their lives altered are the politicians and no one has skated more than Donald J Trump.
Glad to see Billy Bush came to clarify the entire thing.

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Take on two Fillet O Fish and two Big Macs

The Washington Post in it's quest to keep democracy from dying in darkness, had an article today about the upcoming book from Corey Lewendowski which describes his time as Trump's campaign manager before Paulie Walnuts took over

The best thing about the article was when he deceived a typical meal for The Don. Two Fillet O fish and two Big Macs. I'm all for a Big Mac but putting down two after putting down the Fillet O Fish is ridiculous. Our president is so incredibly obese that the image of him laying on his gold faux down comforter on his water bed surrounded by McDonalds wrappers and Big Gulps sound about right.

Takkemon the new bill

We'll have to pass the bill so we can read it. Tonight the GOP is ready to pass the biggest overall of our tax code but we're just hoping they don't step on a landmine before they do so.
But nothing instills more confidence that the final bill being written in pen with inserts, corrections and typos. But then again, this is a party who asked for transparency is now pushing for a big kick back to the donor class, so joe Q six pack can get a case of Miller lite and watch the demise of our country

Glad to be of help

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Take on Merry Christmas

With the senate on the verge of voting for the Tax Plan, Bob Mueller getting closer and closer to the prize, the Sexy Rexy stuff coming out and the fat man in North Korea trying to have a whose got a bigger Dick competition, our Dear Leader spent today telling everybody how good it feels to say Merry Christmas again. Trees can be cut down again, jingle balls can be jingled, Starbucks cups can have holiday spirits because our president has allowed us to embrace the birth of Jesus again. I don't remember when we weren't allowed to say it, but if he said it was outlawed, it likely was.
So now that this has been reestablished, I'm going to make my Christmas wishlist

- Michael Flynn flips
- takes out Jared Kushner
- Trump appoints Chris Christie as special counselor to prosecute Kushner
- Kushner flips and sends Don to take his place
- Pence in his jubilation falls on a banana peel taking out Orrin Hatch, Paul Ryan and everybody else in line

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Take on the list

When Louis CK was a creep I sort of shrugged
When Al Franken was one, I cringed
When Matt Lauer was one I didn't know what to do. Matt Lauer was vanilla as ice cream on the jersey shore in rob summer, nothing made me expect this bombshell but in 2017 nothing surprises me

But in this day and age nothing -or nobody- should surprise me

I have put together a list of people who would devastate me

-Chuck Todd

Obama because it would destroy all I know about him
Colbert because my dark horse for 2020
Would be shot
Chuck Todd because it might prove that stupid goatee doesn't make him repulsive to women

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Take on Chuck and Nancy

Our president did what he did best today in the face of a Korean TreaT that has never seemed more imminent. Be took to Twitter and berated a bunch of old democrats. The photo-op of him sitting in front of two empty chairs was certainly cringe worthy but the way his inner circle is looking, it might be some creepy foreshadowing. At the end of the day Crazy Chuck and Fancy Nancy appealed to their base in the same way Little Don did for his and now we're all in a waiting game for another -predictable- game of debt limit chicken

Can't we just enjoy the holidays?!?

Monday, November 27, 2017

Take on Pocahontas

The world is going nuts about the Pocahontas thing and for the first time in forever, I kind of shrug. Yeah, it was in poor taste to use that language while honoring Native American code talkers but this is kind of what you signed up for when you elected Trump. The reference is actually a pretty good one and a good political zinger against a senator who did claim some Cherokee heritage because her great grandmother was once engaged to a Native American.

The one thing that Trump is genuinely good at is nicknames, he's the ultimate high school bully but when he gets a good one, it usually does for really well. Nobody emasculated Rubio more than Trump with his Little Marco rub or painted Cruz into weasel better than the Lyin' Ted monicker. Crooked Hillary, Low Energy Jeb! and Might want to stop with two Big Macs Christie were all perfectly played.

Calling Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas is more of the same. Yeah it's childish but in his defense, it's effective and I actually don't see it as a slur. To me it's similar to calling a dummy, Einstein or a four year old artist Picasso as an iBuddy pointed out. Its insulting to the person but not the legacy. It's not a slur anymore that calling some crappy white basketball player Jordan would be to black people. It's an insult and one that plays right at Trump's grade-school humor, it's most telling that the only Native American he could name is one from a Disney movie.
What is more insulting is that Trump's ceremony was held under the watchful eye of Andrew Jackson's portrait, the optics of which are just dumbfounding.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Take on The NY Times Nazi piece.

The world is in an uproar about the article in the Times which they say normalizes naziism in 2017. I read the article, before knowing the criticism and actually found it to be interesting. I get that we need to hate everything nazi but seeing that these animals live right amongst us is actually a bigger lesson. In his political climate, extremist views seem to have become more normalized anyway, the alt-right has a seat at the table, Sebastian Gorka was an advisor to the president of the United States. People are more comfortable coming out of the shadows and hating Jews, blacks and gays and I do think it's important to analyze why and how that is allowed to happen.

I remember during one of the last seasons of Breaking Bad when they got involved in the entire white supremacy story line that I thought it sort of jumped the shark because it was just so unbelievable that this culture even existed, little did anybody know that it was just bubbling up right underneath the top layer
With that said, all the criticism the NYT gets for being too liberal and fake news might finally be getting to them and I wonder if this was a tactical decision to be able to point to when the next volley comes in from Tweeter in Chief

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Take on the Frozen thing before Coco

I spent yesterday afternoon at the movies having decided to see Coco. I did appreciate that the entire movie was going to have an underlying anti Trump message as some Mexican kid was being held out of the country by some fictional wall while his family was trying to get him back. The movie started a bit slow but got pretty good when little Miguel beats up the fat egotistical self indulgent small handed dickhead who is the de facto head of the dark side.
I'd expected a bit better music, an easier to follow storyline and a more young kid friendly character but it wasn't a terrible way to spend 2 hours the day after thanksgiving.

But what was a terrible thing was this horrible surprise Frozen short film they showed before hand. First of all, nobody warned you that we went from an hour and forty minute movie to one now topping two hours, which with three kids in tow is a big deal. Secondly, you are going into a movie which is a mix between Ricky Ricardo meets the Addams Family and get stuck with this Elsa drivel, it's not the same audience and certainly not what your expectations are
But what really sucks is that this short film was just horrible. It was drawn out, poorly scripted, badly performed with horrible music and had a story line which made you want to shove an ice pick into your Arendelle. My eight year old looked at me at one point and said "I want to talk to the manager"

Disney, you aren't doing your brand any service by forcing this crap down our throats. The Frozen boat has sailed, stop trying to force it, you had your chance to capitalize on it -and did- but you waited too long, nobody cares anymore and if Frozen 2 is going to be anything like this, you are in for a rude awaking

Friday, November 24, 2017

Take on Time Magazines man of the year

Time Magazine either did or did not offer to make Trump it's mannif the year but he either refused the offer or is making the entire thing up. He probably should be the man of the year, TOR for one has devoted almost our entire editorial section to covering his ridiculousness. So I have no doubt he's worthy, worthy in the same way that previous winners have been, for their mere presence. Stalin, Hitler and a few others less than desirables have had the honor as has Trump himself
But his call out is just typical of his thin skinned mentality. They should have made Hillary the cover just to totally break him

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Take ok the Thanksgiving holiday

Mike...Flynn.. has.. flipped..

And now we will finally get to the best part of this thanksgiving feast when Bob Mueller goes after the big fat turkey and carves him up. We all know that Trump's been compromised for years and are finding out exactly how compromised every single day but it's time to stop with the appetizers and to get to the stuffing. We've waited a year and are ready to hear about cranberry sauce and Russian hookers and time to learn exactly how he stole this election and let America go back to having good and bad presidents but not morally, ethically and totally corrupt ones

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Take on the Dick pic.

When you need to take a dick pic from the bottom up because you can't see it from the top down, you might be better off not sending that photo. I don't know who Joe Barton was before today but now his gigantic gut, huge man boobs, stretched out belly button and incredibly small wiener are etched into my mind. I don't think I've ever understood why a dude thinks a woman would want to get a dick-pic, the male junk is one of the least attractive looking things and when you pair it with a beached whale, it probably looks more like a shriveled up hamster than it does normally. Let's hope that Joe Barton does the right thing and take a shotgun to his unit and an ax to his political career

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Take on the Turkey pardon

I may be he only one but I'd love to see Trump not follow tradition here and pardon that Turkey. It would even be better if by executive order he undid the pardons of all of Obama's turkeys and had them slaughtered and fed to Sarah Huckabee Sanders right on the podium

I'd even appreciate it if he did pardon the bird that he coughed "Jeff Sessions" into fist as he said it. Not because that would be the right thing to do, but because SNL and Colbert would have a field day with it.
We are basically living in a banana republic with this guy in charge, might as well make it entertaining.