Friday, July 31, 2015

Take on the Blue Moon

I find that whenever I order a Blue Moon, I'm left unsatisfied. Maybe it because that stuff never sits well and I know that I'll be on the toilet an hour later or maybe it is because beer served with fruit is just kind of not good but one way or another it is always disappointing.
That is sort of what I felt when staring out my window tonight, this magical Blue Moon looked an awful lot like the same normal whitish yellow moon I see every night. I heard about fires and haze and a specific angle but I am standing on my porch at 11PM looking up and I am less impressed with what I see than the average college chick was when staring down at me and THAT is saying a LOT.

Thursday, July 30, 2015

Take on CNN's wet dream

The world held its breath when there were reports of a piece of the missing MH370 found on some remote island as well as another -unconfirmed- report that some luggage was also found washed up onshore.   Their excitement wasn't because it finally could mean a conclusion to a mystery that has riddled the world for the last year and a half, CNN was excited because it allowed them to go back to 24 hour coverage and have a glimmer of hope of dethroning FoxNews for the week.  
The issue is that this is probably not the wing of that Boeing 777 as it is likely one that was planted by terrorist somewhere in the Indian Ocean to throw the investigators off the scent of the real trail which would lead them to somewhere between Iran and China. 
So keep getting your panties in a bunch over these stories CNN, as the terrorists ready to load that 777 up full of explosives and strapping Sheldon Richardson to the steering wheel and heading it straight to Roger Goodel's house 

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Take on the designated bus lane

There is no idea which sounds better in theory and is worse in practice than the designated bus lane. The Lincoln Tunnel has one that extends from the NJ turnpike down route 3 to the entrance to the tunnel. It sounds good in theory because the idea would be that buses would have a quick unimpeded route directly into Port Authority but because there are so many buses and so little space in the bus terminal the backup extends all the way through the tunnel, down route 3 and past the tolls on the turnpike. The reason is that Port Authority was built for about a third the amount of buses that come in every day now so there is no place, buses literally have to wait in line to let people off and that line is what extends five miles long to the Turnpike. But if that was the only reason it could be reasonable but with a single designated lane separated from the rest of the highway, it only takes one accident, stalled bus, slow down or whatever the turn the slow crawl into a dead stop and that happens seemingly every single day

So I say they should get rid of the single lane bus lane and designate two lanes next to one another and allow buses to drop passengers off on the street as oppose to within the terminal, it would be the only sensible way to avoid this mess short of rebuilding the Port Authority, the access to the tunnel and probably the tunnel itself and that is about as likely as Chris Christie passing on a jelly donut.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Take on the guilty plea

Joyce Mitchell plead guilty to helping those two thugs escape the prison a month ago by abetting their escape by providing them with tools which she smuggled into the prison. After watching this ordeal unfold on TV like a reality TV show with one of the guys (the one with the big unit) being killed and the other being caught, you'd think that this broad would be facing more than a 2 1/2 to 7 year prison stint. I mean she has admitted to setting this thing up in part to kill her husband and, oh yeah, in the process released two ruthless murderers on the streets of upstate NY. I have no idea what the proper sentencing would be but even a max of 7 years seems a bit lax although it was charming to find out that the big-dicked one charmed her by showing up wearing a coat with a huge hole
Cut out in the crotch area. That is some class there

Monday, July 27, 2015

Take on the New LaGuardia

When Cuomo and Vice President Biden sat down at a midtown luncheon to announce the findings of a study on the antiquated LaGuardia airport they spent hours taking bows for the bold steps they were suggesting to spruce up the dilapidated hellhole that is the worst wipeout in America.  First of all there is nothing less "LaGuardia" than a midtown luncheon, the average flier into that dump has no business at the Four Seasons and the experience is nothing resembling the service you'd get at the airport but let's leave that visual for now 

After some kind of exhaustive planning event they came up with the following

The Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which operates the airport, plans to spend about $4 billion on the overhaul, most of which will go toward tearing down the Central Terminal Building, rebuilding it in place and augmenting it with a grand entrance.

The article continued to say the new LaGuardia would be complete by 2021 which is about as realistic as expecting Fiorello LaGuardia himself to rise from his grave to break ground on it.   The Port Authority took 15 years to rebuild the World Trade Center which is still not complete and that was with the support of the entire world behind it, this project could take 25 years to take on.  They also have a new water taxi idea and a couple of connecting bridges but all the real meat on the improvements have to do with redoing that middle terminal which admittedly a disaster but on the list of pressing needs way at the bottom of the list.  
The major issue with LaGuardia has nothing to do with an open concourse or a better place to get a $6 slice of pizza, it is the miserable delays that start with the first departure and run through the last arrival.  If this commission can come up with a way to add about four runways, eliminate the air traffic from JFK and Newark and somehow lift the fog over the entire bay they may have my attention but until then...I doubt this makes any difference at all. 

Sent from my iPhone

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Take on The Herd

ESPN made a big deal and grandstanded while they took bows for dismissing Colin Cowherd after some insensitive comments he made towards Dominicans. What they neglected to tell you was that since he had signed with FoxSports1 a few weeks back, this was his last week anyway. That is like telling a kid they are not getting IceCream when you have no IceCream in your fridge I get that ESPN, a Disney company whose image must remain clean, had to take a stand here but it is more than a bit disingenuous to make it look like you were really taking a position here when in fact you moved his departure date up by a few days.
I'd think that had he still had a long term contract with Bristol that this would have been handled with a slap on the wrist fine and suspension during the dead month of August when they don't take rating numbers anyway

What is my bigger fear is that ESPN radio will now be 24 hours of Mike and Mike followed by 19 hours of Ryan Ruocco and that is something that should get everybody up in arms

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Take on torture

I know there are a bunch of liberal groups looking into the enhanced interrogation at Gitmo and a bunch of secret CIA prisons in Romania, Uzbekistan and Iraq but at least those guys being water-boarded are first tier criminals and bad guys. These groups should spend some time defending the poor fathers who have to drive back from the beach with three screaming kids in a 1000 degree Honda Odyssey after a day of 10000 degree temperatures..because that is real torture.
I'm talking top of your lungs screaming, constant bickering, scratching, yelling, crying, moaning for six and a half hours torture. This is the kind of evil shit that Dick Cheney wouldn't have subjected Osama Bin Laden to, this is ear piercing, endless torture whose long term effects cannot properly evaluated.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Take on the Uniqlo sex video

I get that where all perverts and the idea of voyeurism is a huge turn-on but when the entire population of 1.3 billion Chinese people got wind of a couple of millennials knocking boots in a changing room they acted as if they don't have access to YouPorn., which I guess, they don't. This is how sex-craved people are, get them a hint of real live bodies mating and they will go nuts and now every peasant farmer in China is filming himself and his toothless wife doing it in a hut and I'm not sure he world is any better for it.

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Take on the LIRR

As much as I may complain about the hell that is Port Authority, the Southwest Airlines mentality of herding cattle at Penn Station might be worse. For those who have not had the pleasure, there are a million people standing in the main terminal area staring at a huge screen like they are playing bingo. At some point the screen changes and they announce a track number and then it becomes a mad dash of hair gel, fake tans and accents. Imagine 10,000 guys with shitty haircuts and muscle shirts squeezing past you in all their sweaty manliness like you are having a beer over at Blazing Saddles as they try to get to Port Jeff, Babylon or Bay Shore. Meatheads and businessmen alike are literally running down the steps, shoving handicapped seniors and pregnant women and for some reason you start to feel like you should hustle too, so you start to run.
You finally get to the platform and the entire dance begins again, all these Carl Lewis wannabes are now standing on the platform with cans of Budweiser in their hands and Newsdays under the arms and they wait until finally the bingo chart comes again. Finally some train which looks like it belongs on the 70s pulls into the station and the platform becomes a basketball court after the ball leaves the shooters hand. These morons all start to box each other out, asses pushed against each other, ladies pulling hair and guys hand-checking all to be the first to have the pleasure to get into a car which smells like bad perfume and urine.
Here they all sit, legs spread wide so no possible human can sit next to them and they gossip, gossip like a bunch of 80 year old yentas. Oh Tommy from down the block just got a tattoo, Tracy with the dyed hair just got pregnant and Rob with the fancy house has put on sooooo much weight. It is just brutal and still you are not done

The thing chugs past Jamaica and Islip and Lake Ronkonkoma and these frat boys become more boisterous after their fourth beer in an hour, the women less attractive and without any working AC the car becomes unbearably hot. You then realize that somebody took a nasty Chinese Food dump in the shitter whose stink is seeping through the entire car. The girls are spraying on so much hairspray you can see the hole forming in the ozone layer and the old men are bitching about their old days in Huntington which they pronounce without the first "t".
You hear some Billy Joel blasting through some headphones and a couple of guys talk about hockey and you just want to kills yourself and that is when it hits you..maybe the train will jump the tracks and the world would be rid of this entire scene of tank tops and bad haircuts and meatheads and accents and we'd all be better off for it.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Take on the giant IceCream

I'm all for somebody enjoying their vacation and see nothing wrong with indulging in the kids of things we can't typically do when away on holiday but does the guy who is a heartbeat away from being the Leader of the Free World have to have an IceCream that is bigger than his head? They make these things in small size, Joe, there really is no reason you need to out down 1800 calories in one sitting

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Take on the Sandra Bland cop

The worst thing that ever happened to cops was the dashcam because for all the stuff they probably prevent and for all they probably protect cops they have also brought a lot of their activity right to the foreground.  I have no idea if Sandra Bland hung herself in that Texas jail but I do know that whatever human rights the constitution claims people have, it does not seem to be enforced.   I hate smoking but see no reason why this woman should be forced to put it out in her own car even if I think she should have put it out to avoid confrontation.   That isn't about rights but about common sense.  But when it comes to the confrontation it is pretty obvious who was looking to escalate it and it wasn't Ms Bland.  But even if she was, you'd hope for a cop to be the one who would take the high road in this situation which he clearly doesn't.  This is just another example of a power trip gone bad, one that has no justification other than one person making another aware that they have the upper hand.  
Anyway, this woman was no angel as her arrest record shows but I doubt any you watching it would agree that she deserved what she got but then again I've been wrong before when predicting human reaction to situations like this 

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, July 20, 2015

Take ok the Ashley Madison hack

Jesus, if there was one website TOR readers did not need to get hacked it was Ashley Madison. If there was a website that should have quadruple encrypted it would be this one. This website, beyond all others, was suppose to be about being discreet and keeping it quiet and now the entire world will know that Joe B was unhappy in his marriage, Mike F just wanted to have a little fun and Craig C is a sex maniac.
But then again, maybe we knew at already

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Take on Trump

It is as if Donald Trump is in a weird competition where he is trying desperately to get thrown out of his high school gym class but every time he does something stupid somebody decides that he should run for class president
I cannot imagine that he actually thinks he has a real chance to win and this is probably all just a big publicity stunt.   The Mexican comments were nutty, the McCain ones tone death but with every comment he makes that should be the nail in the coffin the more he surges.  I am just expecting him to announce his running mate will be Bill Cosby to see how far he can keep this trolling going. 

As my buddy The Bump said, the one thing that a long drawn out campaign might do though is force Jon Stewart to reconsider his retirement.  

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, July 18, 2015

Take on tobacco

Driving around North and South Carolina this week I noticed two things

1- the amount of confederate flags flying over private property is at an all time high. In SC there are stars and bars everywhere along the highways, they may have taken them down at the Statehouse but there are now more than ever

2- the amount of people who smoke dwarfs that of people who smoke in New York. The first part is obvious, the states have a vested interest in smoking as it is a huge portion of their business but what is even more shocking to a Yankee is how cheap they are relative to what you'd pay up North

A pack of Marlboro Reds are advertised at $5.25 and some of the other qualities have prices under $4.00 while in NYC I don't think you could get anything under $10 at this point. Forget the health factors, people smoke less in NY than in NC because it is ridiculously expensive habit. Say what you will about government overreach but you can certainly see a cause and effect here.

I was surprised that California, a hotbed of progressive liberal overreach is in the bottom half of state tobacco prices.

Friday, July 17, 2015

Take on the Bag of Crap

I woke up at 5am in Charlotte this morning, drove 400 miles, got on a plane runway for an hour next to a guy who was 200 pounds too heavy for his economy seat and landed at the height of rush-hour in LaGuardia which even in the summer sucks. My Uber app was screwed up, my wife called to say she was out with the kids and there were leftovers in the fridge, I woke up gum in my hair and the FDR looked like a parking lot, I may as well move to Australia.
I walk into the house and see a box which can only be described as unibomber-esque. The handwriting was messy, the entire thing was wrapped in a recycled box and the smelled a bit like a combination of potassium and cyanid. I did notice an $18.80 charge from USPS and thought that this Kaczynski
character wanted me blown up pretty bad. I thought about calling the FBI but was afraid what they may find so decided to take matters into my own hands. I lifted the 20 pound box to the kitchen, hit the garage for some tools and safety glasses to avoid any shrapnel and prepared to dismantle this like I dissecting that earthworm in my 8th grade bio class

I opened up the box and found what can only be described as ransom letter with all the misspellings and odd font you'd find for a guy who has your dog tied up in the basement of his cabin in New Hampshire and is demanding you to send him a can of tuna a week for the next year

I rip open the box and find one oddity after another
First a weird canvas bag whose contents weighed about fifty pounds

Luckily the bomb that was wired to explode at opening like it was King Tut's tomb had a wire trip but I did find what was meant to be the starter

The intended shrapnel was still intact

I opened it up and dug through it and immediately got pricked by what I could only imagine was an AIDS filled used heroin needle

I got a bit further and found a bottle which was obviously spiked with anthrax

There were clues to what The Manifesto might entail

Then I realized this may very well have come from Anonymous although I am not exactly sure why they'd ever expect me to use this AOL era propaganda material

Then like a Godfather type message I pulled out a dead fish head with more heroin needles sticking out of it and I was getting nervous

More sharp objects intended to maim me

A few phallic symbols to emphasize how little control I had of my own situation

Finally the backup to incriminate me with the FBI had I called them

an then I hit the major booty, the hidden message with the symbol of my very own Zodiac killer

And finally a reminder to me that this madman knew exactly who I was, what I did and when I am at my most vulnerable

I'm so screwed

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Take on the Espys

I have been a sportsfan most of my life, love to watch sports and think about my FantasyFootball league more than any grown man should but when it comes to sports award shows I have to say that I don't get it. Honestly, in 20+ years of he ESPYs, I can honestly say I have never watched a single second of it. Maybe it is because it falls in the middle of the summer or maybe it is because I don't care who had the baddest dunk or which team has the best comeback, but I could not think of many things less interesting than them

So I hope Caitlyn Jenner had fun, hope the Jimmy V foundation had a good night, I hope Lebron got an award for best actor in a movie featuring a local high school thespian society and I hope that Odell Beckham didn't blow out his knee doing something goofy but mostly I hope that they cancel this thing or at minimum show more of the chick in the red dress

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Take on PrimeDay

I wanted to discuss the Iran deal today but have kind of decided that,
unlike all these idiot senators and presidential candidates, that I
will reserve judgement till I actually read the thing.

Anyway in celebration of that 20 month negotiation, Amazon has decided
to open its coffers and discount a bunch of Roombas and baby wipes.
I have been on all morning and like what Woot-Off has become it is
just a collection of crap they cannot sell otherwise. I go online
wanting to buy something, even if I have no idea what I need but I
swear there is absolutely nothing interesting they are offering.
This is the Woot mentality through and through, just keep throwing
crap up and I guess they realize that at some point people will buy it
to help sell it out and get rid of it only see what crap is next.

So thanks for nothing Amazon, this entire day is ruined

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Take on the subway heat

It was only a matter of time but we've hit that time in the summer where I want to kill myself and everybody around me and it is all due to perspiration. It is a billion degrees and the humidity index must be above 100% especially in the subway. I walked out of work today and immediately felt like somebody threw a warm pale of water over my head and worse than that it looks like the dude next to me did the same as if this was a NYC version of You Can't Do that on Television

Thank god the train is stuck with train traffic ahead otherwise I might actually make it home without sweating all the way through my shirt


Monday, July 13, 2015

Take on backward facing seats on planes

As if flying wasn't treacherous enough, between the delays, layovers, shoe taking off thing and everything else about it, the entire experience just blows but somehow it may get worse if a seat designer has its way. Some genius who spent way too much on business school came up with the idea of rotating the middle seat so it would now face backwards to make more space. I am sure this will not result in lower fees but it would result in more irate passengers.

First of all you couldn't pay me to take that seat, if I am going down I want to be able to see the plane dip not just feel it in my stomach. Add to that the fact that you will now be facing two people who are facing forwards for the entire flight with no place to hide. How can you pick your teeth or your nose with somebody staring right at you?? The thing is that with this design, at least it is equal opportunity suckiness, it is not just the middle seat, somehow the normal seat now sucks a bit more, too, because you also have to stare at somebody all flight from the front facing ones. Think about a 14 hour flight where somebody is looking straight into your face which is enough to make you never fall asleep again

So we give this idea the TOR two ass cheeks down for creativity, ingenuity and concept basically because having to stare any anybody for that long sounds like absolute torture

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Take on El Chapo

When I read that the Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman escaped Mexican federal prison I wasn't the least bit surprised.  First of all he had done this once before escaping in a laundry basket and staying on the lam for nearly 15 years, secondly this guy is Al Capone, Scarface and Tuco Salamanca all wrapped into one, the chances of some low rent Mexican prison guard keeping him contained is as likely as the sun rising in the west instead of the east tomorrow.  This guy runs a global empire and employees dudes that break grandmothers arms and beat children, I doubt some $8/hour prison guard can stop from folding when his family starts feeling a little heat

Then I heard they broke him loose from the outside with a nearly mile long lit tunnel that they bore right through the shower, the ingenuity and planning it must have taken is incredible, so it tells you these guys had sophisticated tools and access to city planning records and were able to accomplish this under the shroud of secrecy.   

Let me tell you, if some crew of dudes with tattoos up and down their neck and arms start bringing out a bunch of bulldozers and start digging day and night within a mile of this prison, you'd think somebody would have noticed.  Where the hell were they dumping a mile's worth of dirt, what kind of drilling machinery and digging apparatus would they have needed?

But this guy is the baddest bad ass on the face of the earth, so he gets away with it and, truthfully, I was shocked when I heard the Mexican president say they'd capture him

Speaking to reporters Sunday from France, where he is traveling on a state visit, Peña Nieto avoided mentioning the drug lord by name, but he said he was closely following news of the escape of a man who has been among the most wanted criminals in Mexico and around the world.

Peña Nieto said he was "deeply troubled" by "a very unfortunate event that has outraged Mexican society." He vowed that his government would recapture Guzman, step up prison security and investigate whether any prison workers helped the kingpin break out.

I was NOT shocked when he made those comments from France where supposedly he was having some important meetings..meetings I suspect will take quite some time to complete. 

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, July 11, 2015

Take on Zingy

This might feel like it is a few weeks late but I can't believe the Knicks drafted this Porzingis kid. He might be the most talented kid in the draft but he is also the whitest, lankiest and least athletic looking guy they could have taken which is ballsy when you are standing in front of a ravenous fanbase. Granted I know nothing about him other than a few YouTube highkights but from all I read he looks like he has the skill set of Frederic Weis with Eric Montross' terrible haircut, the muscle tone of Manute Bol and seems to play like a lame Chris Bosh..oh and did I mention that he is whiter than me. This sounds like it is going to be a complete utter disaster which is perfect for the Knicks. I guess we can look at it as the glass half full because his body frame is a perfect compliment to Carmelo who looks like he may have eaten Freddy Weis

At least they have next years draft to look forward to in order to strengthen the team..oh wait Isiah traded that pick away for Eddy Curry.

Fuck the Knicks

Friday, July 10, 2015

Take on the wet bathing suit

There is nothing, I mean nothing, I hate more than sitting around all day in a wet bathing suit. Maybe it is the chafing, maybe it is the prime breeding ground for fungus or maybe it is the fact that is is plain uncomfortable but those mesh inner shorts are just miserable to wear. The issue is not just wearing it, the issue is the long term repercussions because if I sit in a wet bathing suit for a half a day, you can literally play connect the dots on my ass the next day with all the zits that will have formed. I break out like a 14 year old girl at an overnight sleepover pizza party and my entire ass looks like it's been attacked by a thousand mosquitos
The first company that comes up with a non zit on the ass bathing suit will have my business for life

Thursday, July 9, 2015

Take on bad tattoos

The worst thing about going to a water park isn't the heat, the lines or the cost, it is having to be confronted with some of the worst tattoos known to man. This is especially true when you get on the NorthEastern shoreline because the lower the cost of the hotel, the higher the amount of back ink. They are all terrible but what I will never understand the need to tattoo a baby picture on your back but go to any water park in the vicinity of Pennsylvania and it is all you see. Every white trash ahole putting down a case of Yuengling at Sesame Place or Hersey Park also has a full sized baby picture tattooed over his disgustingly white back which is so stretched out that little Avril Rose now looks like the kid from Poltergeist. The irony is that the stretch marks almost always appear right under the eyes, so the kid is crying along with his dad's terrible life decision.
This rings true for any resort town in Maryland, Jersey or Delaware, too, the closer
to PA the higher the occurrences. It is like the entire state decided to enter into a tournament of who can get to the most terrible tattoo.

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

Take on the technical glitch

When three of the biggest companies go down faster than a fluffed in The Valley, I start to worry not because I believe it must be terrorism but because it probably is. Maybe it originated from the Balkans, maybe it came from North Korea, maybe it came from ISIS, maybe it came from Russia or maybe it came from some former Soviet satellite state but I don't believe in coincidence. I look for common themes and I think I have figured it out. Today United Airlines had to ground a bunch of flights, the NYSE had to suspend trading and the WallStreetJournal had an 504 error on their front page which could only mean one thing, insider trading. We all know that the NYSE and the WSJ are owned by the same people, people so having both the biggest stock exchange and their biggest watchdog go down simultaneously is a bit too coincidental for my taste. Add to that an airline in bed with the owners and I think it becomes an easy case of connect the dots, the dots on my ass. I believe the United system went down after they were about to announce abysmal second quarter earnings, and were afraid how it would affect their stock prices. They traded this information with the WSJ to allow their owners to get out of some stock positions and encourage them to stop the stock exchange for a few hours so that some odd trading patterns could be disguised as part of the glitch. The market is disrupted in the middle of the summer, so the collateral damage is minimal and a bunch of stock brokers got to eat lunch at the park today, so they aren't bitching.

I wonder if FoxNews will be covering this one


Tuesday, July 7, 2015

Take on Jared

Today's post was going to be about the amount of bad tattoos at a budget family resort versus that of a more established Hilton resort but our bat signal was called today when news broke of a story we HAD to cover. We've been calling the former fat guy turned skinny guy turned back to miserably fat guy a fraud for years ( but now our worst nightmares have come true with this fat bastard now being accused of being a fat pervert. Yeah we know that nothing is official and we are going to reserve judgement until after the trial but this guy always looked a bit like the kind of guy that should have to go door-to-door to announce he was moving into the neighborhood.
Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding but when the feds raid your house and take away boxes of crap and your computer, it is a pretty good sign that you weren't watching episodes of New Girl on your laptop. I hope he can keep his diet up on refried beans and prison slop cause I don't think they are serving $5 footlongs in prison..or maybe they are.

Monday, July 6, 2015

Take on 60million reasons to not be an idiot

The Giants say they are only concerned about Jason Pierre-Paul's well being but anybody with half a brain knows they must be furious at their pro-bowl defensive lineman. This idiot didn't get caught smoking weed or drinking and driving or soliciting a prostitute but instead decided that he needed to set off some fireworks because God forbid when you are a multimillionaire you don't pay somebody to set off fireworks or, I don't know, go and check out the one that Macy*s puts on

But good luck getting a new $60million contract or even a $6 million dollar one, kind of hard to play the position looking like Jim Abbott

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Take on the mean facebook post

Saw an article about some woman who posted a photo of a mom carrying her kid on her back and pushing another in the stroller. She was being outed for her behavior on Facebook by a store employee who was commenting on her parenting style or the state of America's youth or something.

The post stated

"this is the kind of ignorance that gets passed down to kids and ppl enable their children to be independent. This girl is at least 5, but what u don't see in his picture is the 1 1/2 yr old in the stroller. God people are f*cking Stupid!!!"

The mom pictures in the photo was notified of the helicopter parenting advice on Facebook from somebody who she knew who saw it. I don't even want my kids photographed and posted on Facebook so that would annoy the hell out of me but what would upset me more is that I really have no idea what the post is suppose to say.
Is the woman lazy for carrying the kid, the kid lazy for being carried while the other one is in the stroller or is the entire country just lazy and ignorant because we use carriers and strollers?

I have no clue but I often carry my kids after a long day, one on my shoulders, one in a carrier and the other in the stroller which I would say is the antithesis of lazy

Saturday, July 4, 2015

Take on the fall of a champion

There was a day when The Bambino couldn't get around on a fastball anymore, Michael Jordan looked like beach ball when he played for the Wizards, Tiger Woods started to suck randomly one day (well maybe it was not that randomly), at the end of his career Muhammad Ali was a shell of himself and now the ultimate American hero has been dethroned. Eight years after Joey Chestnut got final retribution for Pearl Harbor, he was beaten by an upstart who nobody ever heard of. Well, I guess we've heard of him but like Buster Douglas, nobody thought he could take down the champ but take down the champ he did

62 hotdogs later, Nathan's Hot Dog competition has a new champion but at least he's an American (I think). Now it's up to Chestnut to come back leaner and meaner next year

On a side note, I had three dogs today at the town 4th of July celebration in about 6 minutes and felt like I was going to puke

Friday, July 3, 2015

Take on Americano

Nothing is more American than the headline I read today which stated that a man burned by fajitas while praying is allowed to sue Applebee's because, well, it was probably not a very good fajita.
I can't quite imagine what happened in this case but somehow I am sure Applebee's was not really to blame. Maybe some dude decided to kneel down in the aisle and some snot nosed college kid carrying five hundred dishes tripped over him, maybe some crazy dude was waving his hands like some lunatic and knocked over a passing plate of sizzling meat as some waiter in the weeds was trying to get the food to the table or maybe the guy had one of those totally lame moments which you see at those mega churches or college Korean Christian Association things where the pastor touches some guys head and all of a sudden they drop to the ground which you could see resulting in a fajita mishap. Either way I kind of find it hard to blame the crappy chain restaurant for this l.
But still, this is what we've come to, we live in a a country where there are only two things we can agree on
1) that everything should be able to result it a lawsuit and 2) that Applebee's makes a crapy fajita.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Take on the human killing robots

Forget Robocop or 2001, there are real live German robots killing real live German contractors roaming this great German world. This week an assembly line robot destroyed a guy installing the machine by picking him up with the robotic arm and crushing his little German bones under the weight of five tons of Volkswagen making steel. I get that this will probably be blamed on some vague malfunction but it is time to realize that AI is real and scary and I'm not referring to practice but an actual game situation. These robots have gotten so 'smart' they will not just take away good paying German jobs but they will kill them also. I already see a Third World War on the horizon and this time there is no cold Russian winter that will stop these things

Wednesday, July 1, 2015

Take on The Donald

Donald Trump has had quite a week. Since he has announced his plans to run for president he has managed to insult everybody, get fired from his job at NBC, sued Univision and now we find out that Macy*s has dropped his line of clothing

Our only question is...why would anybody buy a Donald Trump line of clothing?? If it is typical Trump it will look like King Tut on steroids which is probably not a good look for anybody and if it more in the style that he dresses than I have greatly overrated the fashion sense of this country. For being such a loud rich loudmouth, it is shocking how badly this man dresses which is hard to imagine since he usually wears dark suits. The problem is that he always looks like he is smuggling a sleeping bag over the Rio Grande with the way his shirt balloons out but worse than that is the fact he always looks like he's tied his tie about three inches too long. An adult man should have his tie reach the bottom of his belt buckle but Trump routinely has his dangling between his legs like it's a geriatric man's sack.
Time to suck in that belly and get a tie that fits otherwise your political career is going nowhere