Thursday, November 30, 2017

Take on Merry Christmas

With the senate on the verge of voting for the Tax Plan, Bob Mueller getting closer and closer to the prize, the Sexy Rexy stuff coming out and the fat man in North Korea trying to have a whose got a bigger Dick competition, our Dear Leader spent today telling everybody how good it feels to say Merry Christmas again. Trees can be cut down again, jingle balls can be jingled, Starbucks cups can have holiday spirits because our president has allowed us to embrace the birth of Jesus again. I don't remember when we weren't allowed to say it, but if he said it was outlawed, it likely was.
So now that this has been reestablished, I'm going to make my Christmas wishlist

- Michael Flynn flips
- takes out Jared Kushner
- Trump appoints Chris Christie as special counselor to prosecute Kushner
- Kushner flips and sends Don to take his place
- Pence in his jubilation falls on a banana peel taking out Orrin Hatch, Paul Ryan and everybody else in line

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night

Take on the list

When Louis CK was a creep I sort of shrugged
When Al Franken was one, I cringed
When Matt Lauer was one I didn't know what to do. Matt Lauer was vanilla as ice cream on the jersey shore in rob summer, nothing made me expect this bombshell but in 2017 nothing surprises me

But in this day and age nothing -or nobody- should surprise me

I have put together a list of people who would devastate me

-Chuck Todd

Obama because it would destroy all I know about him
Colbert because my dark horse for 2020
Would be shot
Chuck Todd because it might prove that stupid goatee doesn't make him repulsive to women

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Take on Chuck and Nancy

Our president did what he did best today in the face of a Korean TreaT that has never seemed more imminent. Be took to Twitter and berated a bunch of old democrats. The photo-op of him sitting in front of two empty chairs was certainly cringe worthy but the way his inner circle is looking, it might be some creepy foreshadowing. At the end of the day Crazy Chuck and Fancy Nancy appealed to their base in the same way Little Don did for his and now we're all in a waiting game for another -predictable- game of debt limit chicken

Can't we just enjoy the holidays?!?

Monday, November 27, 2017

Take on Pocahontas

The world is going nuts about the Pocahontas thing and for the first time in forever, I kind of shrug. Yeah, it was in poor taste to use that language while honoring Native American code talkers but this is kind of what you signed up for when you elected Trump. The reference is actually a pretty good one and a good political zinger against a senator who did claim some Cherokee heritage because her great grandmother was once engaged to a Native American.

The one thing that Trump is genuinely good at is nicknames, he's the ultimate high school bully but when he gets a good one, it usually does for really well. Nobody emasculated Rubio more than Trump with his Little Marco rub or painted Cruz into weasel better than the Lyin' Ted monicker. Crooked Hillary, Low Energy Jeb! and Might want to stop with two Big Macs Christie were all perfectly played.

Calling Elizabeth Warren Pocahontas is more of the same. Yeah it's childish but in his defense, it's effective and I actually don't see it as a slur. To me it's similar to calling a dummy, Einstein or a four year old artist Picasso as an iBuddy pointed out. Its insulting to the person but not the legacy. It's not a slur anymore that calling some crappy white basketball player Jordan would be to black people. It's an insult and one that plays right at Trump's grade-school humor, it's most telling that the only Native American he could name is one from a Disney movie.
What is more insulting is that Trump's ceremony was held under the watchful eye of Andrew Jackson's portrait, the optics of which are just dumbfounding.

Sunday, November 26, 2017

Take on The NY Times Nazi piece.

The world is in an uproar about the article in the Times which they say normalizes naziism in 2017. I read the article, before knowing the criticism and actually found it to be interesting. I get that we need to hate everything nazi but seeing that these animals live right amongst us is actually a bigger lesson. In his political climate, extremist views seem to have become more normalized anyway, the alt-right has a seat at the table, Sebastian Gorka was an advisor to the president of the United States. People are more comfortable coming out of the shadows and hating Jews, blacks and gays and I do think it's important to analyze why and how that is allowed to happen.

I remember during one of the last seasons of Breaking Bad when they got involved in the entire white supremacy story line that I thought it sort of jumped the shark because it was just so unbelievable that this culture even existed, little did anybody know that it was just bubbling up right underneath the top layer
With that said, all the criticism the NYT gets for being too liberal and fake news might finally be getting to them and I wonder if this was a tactical decision to be able to point to when the next volley comes in from Tweeter in Chief

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Take on the Frozen thing before Coco

I spent yesterday afternoon at the movies having decided to see Coco. I did appreciate that the entire movie was going to have an underlying anti Trump message as some Mexican kid was being held out of the country by some fictional wall while his family was trying to get him back. The movie started a bit slow but got pretty good when little Miguel beats up the fat egotistical self indulgent small handed dickhead who is the de facto head of the dark side.
I'd expected a bit better music, an easier to follow storyline and a more young kid friendly character but it wasn't a terrible way to spend 2 hours the day after thanksgiving.

But what was a terrible thing was this horrible surprise Frozen short film they showed before hand. First of all, nobody warned you that we went from an hour and forty minute movie to one now topping two hours, which with three kids in tow is a big deal. Secondly, you are going into a movie which is a mix between Ricky Ricardo meets the Addams Family and get stuck with this Elsa drivel, it's not the same audience and certainly not what your expectations are
But what really sucks is that this short film was just horrible. It was drawn out, poorly scripted, badly performed with horrible music and had a story line which made you want to shove an ice pick into your Arendelle. My eight year old looked at me at one point and said "I want to talk to the manager"

Disney, you aren't doing your brand any service by forcing this crap down our throats. The Frozen boat has sailed, stop trying to force it, you had your chance to capitalize on it -and did- but you waited too long, nobody cares anymore and if Frozen 2 is going to be anything like this, you are in for a rude awaking

Friday, November 24, 2017

Take on Time Magazines man of the year

Time Magazine either did or did not offer to make Trump it's mannif the year but he either refused the offer or is making the entire thing up. He probably should be the man of the year, TOR for one has devoted almost our entire editorial section to covering his ridiculousness. So I have no doubt he's worthy, worthy in the same way that previous winners have been, for their mere presence. Stalin, Hitler and a few others less than desirables have had the honor as has Trump himself
But his call out is just typical of his thin skinned mentality. They should have made Hillary the cover just to totally break him

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Take ok the Thanksgiving holiday

Mike...Flynn.. has.. flipped..

And now we will finally get to the best part of this thanksgiving feast when Bob Mueller goes after the big fat turkey and carves him up. We all know that Trump's been compromised for years and are finding out exactly how compromised every single day but it's time to stop with the appetizers and to get to the stuffing. We've waited a year and are ready to hear about cranberry sauce and Russian hookers and time to learn exactly how he stole this election and let America go back to having good and bad presidents but not morally, ethically and totally corrupt ones

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Take on the Dick pic.

When you need to take a dick pic from the bottom up because you can't see it from the top down, you might be better off not sending that photo. I don't know who Joe Barton was before today but now his gigantic gut, huge man boobs, stretched out belly button and incredibly small wiener are etched into my mind. I don't think I've ever understood why a dude thinks a woman would want to get a dick-pic, the male junk is one of the least attractive looking things and when you pair it with a beached whale, it probably looks more like a shriveled up hamster than it does normally. Let's hope that Joe Barton does the right thing and take a shotgun to his unit and an ax to his political career

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Take on the Turkey pardon

I may be he only one but I'd love to see Trump not follow tradition here and pardon that Turkey. It would even be better if by executive order he undid the pardons of all of Obama's turkeys and had them slaughtered and fed to Sarah Huckabee Sanders right on the podium

I'd even appreciate it if he did pardon the bird that he coughed "Jeff Sessions" into fist as he said it. Not because that would be the right thing to do, but because SNL and Colbert would have a field day with it.
We are basically living in a banana republic with this guy in charge, might as well make it entertaining.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Take on HW

I really appreciate H.W. Bush and have gained a lot
of respect for him the last few decades but in the last few weeks, that respect has started to slowly drop. His ass grab in a wheelchair at 93 seemed sort of innocent, in a way that an old white man is innocent. But the stories that have come out since have sounded more crappy and less innocent as he has gotten younger and younger in the stories. I get that he grew up in a different time but at some point playing Don Draper seems like a bad decision.
Anyway, today he tweeted something about some veteran in a valiant attempt to win over some public trust and support but the only thing I thought about was. "I wonder if he grabbed that Navy SEALs ass"

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Take on Ball vs Trump

If 2017 hasn't been weird enough, we finally h e hit the crescendo with a heavyweight battle- and I do mean heavyweight- between Donald J Trump and LaVar Ball, two of the most despicable human alive. This is like trying to route for McGregor or Floyd as they are both horrible people but somehow I think I'd take LaVar Ball's side of it, not because he's right (if anybody is right it's probably or cubby president) but because our president is a lunatic and unlike Ball, the worst thing he can do is to raise the price of his shitty sneakers
I hope Ball calls him out on Twitter for a week, trolling him for being a fat moron. A battle royal between Chubby Trump, Kim Jung Un and LaVar Ball would be fantastic

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Take on the anti LGTB guy

Is there anything better than an anti LGBT politician getting caught Twinkie deep in his buddy.  It's got to be the most obvious cover for a guy who's living secret life and nothing makes it more obvious than the guy claiming to be some self righteous religious nut.  The saddest thing is that in this day and age, nobody cares.  The stigma is gone, the world has moved on.  It's why Kevin Spacey's lame "coming out" portion of his apology letter got no traction.  Nobody gives a crap where you stick your winkie , just don't preach about it. 

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 17, 2017

Take on Kay Ivey

I wouldn't be able to pick Kay Ivey out of a lineuo that includes Michael Kay, Blue Ivy and that Jared guy from Kay Jewelers but I have now decided she is a disposable piece of dog poo. Why should I hate on poor Kay, because she said today that she's got no reason to not believe Roy Moore's accusers yet she will still vote for him purely because he's a Republican. I get this party over country thing if you are a selfish twit but when you are a person who represents a state maybe keeping your mouth shut is the best way to do that

Nobody believes that without this incident, there like be any chance of turning Alabama blue. You'd have a better chance of Blue Ivy coming into Tuscaloosa or Huntsville and convincing the average citizen there that her dad is the messiah and her mom is The Virgin Mary than them electing a democrat under normal circumstances

Have fun at the mall you inbred losers.

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Take on Trump’s Franken comment

Al Franken has embarrassing himself and killed any aspirations he had for higher office. The SNLnator should resign and let us be purged of another one of these scumbags. The ultimate troll job happened when POTUS decided to weigh in, he called Franken out and asked the question what happened after the first tit-grab photo

This is the same guy who told Billy Bush "I'm automatically attracted to beautiful women — I just start kissing them, it's like a magnet. Just kiss. I don't even wait. And when you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything." and a man who has yet to call for Roy Moore to step down, so he doesn't exactly have a lot of credibility left

What the Dems will likely miss if Franken did step down is his intellect and savviness in these back and forth he's displayed over the last few years when shady people come in front of his committees but he has ruined it all

Roy Moore step aside
Al Franken resin
POTUS. Walk away and don't ever look back

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Take on the new CNN poll.

I got an email from TeamTrump today asking me to rate his performance over the last year. The choices were a Trumpian voice between Good, Great, Okay and Other. This obviously only had one right answer and even that one felt a bit empty. Trump has given nobody confidence in his temperament, decision making, diplomacy, intellect, people skills, management style or statesmanship. The only things he has done well are post grammatically incorrect tweets and deflect attention away from his corruption

The best thing about the email was that it complained about the latest CNN poll which showed that a whopping 64% of people said they had less confidence in Trump than they did a year ago. Their complaint was that only 24% of the people polled were Republicans which -in their opinion- invalidated the poll

Two comments

- I don't think anybody in their right mind can think that he has actually done a great or good job, he's a walking disaster, so this would have to be a vote between Other and Okay

- I just looked it up and in 2016, only 26% of all Americans identified themselves as Republican, so the 24% included in this poll seems right and likely a bit high as many people see a fractured party divided between the McConnell tired turtle establishment and the Trump crazies

Anyway, I was asked to donate after answering "other" which I didn't do.

I'm guessing we'll never have this hard scientific poll see the light of day.

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Take on Hannity

We wonder how the heartland of America was fooled by a twice divorced, morally corrupt, New York East Coast elitist. These are the salt of the earth type of people who represent all that is normal and decent, not asking for much, serving our country willingly and always anti coastal. I've thought about what appeals these people to Trump and I finally figured it out. It's that they are enamored by another fast talking slick New Yorker, Sean Hannity. Hannity blurred the lines just enough for these country hicks to believe he was one of them, even when he was pulling in millions on their stupidity. His lead in, Bill O'Reilly did him one better by dumbing down his program with those stupid text boxes next to his gigantic head but Hannity speaks to their soul.
These morons don't even realize that Hannity is playing them like a flute with his dark suits and pink ties. He's a complete lunatic or at least plays one on TV

Monday, November 13, 2017

Take on the Keurig thing.

Nothing pleases me more than seeing a bunch of morons smash their home appliances because they are mad that the company pulled advertising from something as dumb as Hannity!!

But that is why you have, hundreds of people beating their Keurig machines with hammers, tearing them down stairs and filling them with bleach and in the process, accomplishing very little.
The best part was that Nespresso sent out a big email blast today offering 35%off of all their machines

The best thing is that we will have a lot more people buying new appliances this Christmas season, which will be a nice boost to the retail economy

So smash away morons.

Sunday, November 12, 2017

Take on Trump’s Miss Universe riffing

Now he's really gone too far, forget the mindful ignorance of Putin's role, forget his embrace of Duterte, forget his embarrassing name calling thing with The short and fat Rocket Man...the news that shook the world is that Trump rugged the Miss Universe contest in 2002 to give it to Putin's mistress. All is fair in love and war but when you start messing with sanctity of all that is holy, true and good, I'm pissed off. If the Miss Universe contest can't be counted on to be held fairly, then nothing is left to fight for.
Put everything else aside, call Mueller back from his little trip, we need a congressional investigation on this.

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Take on Fat and Short

I've never agreed with Trump more than his "short and fat" description of Kim Jong-un. There really is no better description as Kim is a complete tub of lard. What is even better is that this Trump
outburst was prompted when Kim called him fat which is another great description because Trump looks like a Turkey day balloon

Anyway, I'm glad these two morons spent the day insulting each other, let's hope they don't annihilate each other while I'm alive

Friday, November 10, 2017

Take on the hooker pee

Trump's security chief testified earlier this week about many things including the infamous trip
To Moscow back in 2013. What was interesting was that he not only acknowledged that there was an offer for five hookers to be sent up to Trump's suite but that he remembered very clearly that no impropriety occurred while her was there. The emphasis is obviously on the legal CYA (cover your ass) portion of while he was present.

What is more interesting is how this story has evolved

We went from
- the Dossier is so preposterous that it's not worth discussing


- you are just covering for Clinton's huge loss


- the Dossier was paid for by Clinton, so it's contents are obviously compromised.


- ok there were hookers but we didn't indulge

At thus rate Adam Schildkraut will be up to his elbows in hooker pee by this time next week.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Take on that weird thumbs up photo

Trump tweeted out a weird photo the other night with the caption 
Congratulations to all of the 'DEPLORABLES' and the millions of people who gave us a MASSIVE (304-227) Electoral College landslide victory

It was sort of an odd photo considering the rest of the GOP was licking their wounds after getting their asses handed to them on Tuesday but Trump doesn't care about anybody but himself

But looking at this photo

Kushner looks like he's high
Stephen Miller looks like he's pulling a H.W. Bush on Hope Hicks
The fat guy on the bottom looks like he's taking a dump
And the media guy Dan Scavino looks like he forgot his hair brush at the hotel in Seoul 

And Trump, he looks like he just had passed gas and only he is in on the joke

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Take on Bo Dietl

If there was ever a walk-over victory it was last night when Bill De Blasio easily won a second term defeating Nicole Malliotakis by an overwhelming margin of 66% to 28%.   It's not that surprising being that NYC is a traditional liberal powerhouse although the one place the republicans have always done well is with the mayor race.  

But what is more odd is that throughout the campaign, the person we heard more about than anybody was Bo Dietl.  Dietl is a contributor to FoxNews and the Imus in the Morning program, so he has some name recognition.  So much recognition that there was a debate a week ago and he was on the stage with De Blasio and Malliotakis

How the hell did the election commission give him that platform?  This guy got 1% of the vote which is about the equivalent of getting a 400 on the SAT's.  The only person who got less votes than him is a guy who literally tried to hijack a plane (  The guy who finished above him is a movie producer who was doing this as a shtick. 

De Blasio got more votes in a combo of three or four buildings than Diedl got in total

Let's just hope Bo just goes away for good now

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Take on Huck

Sarah Sanders spent the day in Korea trying to explain the latest Presidential gaffe that could lead to a potential international crisis. But the only thing I could think of was she looks like a Cabbage Patch Kid who mated with a GI Joe. Most of the time you look at presidents snd see them age tremendously over their term, in this case it is the press secretary who looks like she's gone from 40 something to 60 something in a hot minute. It's weird because she's added these wrinkles which normally does give a woman a certain handsome eloquence but not for her. But she's somehow found a way to get fat in her wrinkles, her face kind of looks like a catcher's mitt if that catcher's mitt married a bulldog.
She's really a disgusting looking human both inside and outside

Monday, November 6, 2017

Take on the Carter Page testimony

This is the week that Mike Flynn gets indicted unless, of course, he has already flipped and this is he week Mueller starts to tighten his grip around the neck of the administration. Carter Page certainly did his part in his free wheedling, attorney-less afternoon in from of Adam Schiff last week and the twisted tangled Russian web just got a bit further exposed. For a campaign who claimed to have no Russian involvement, they certainly visited Russia
a lot, certainly met with a lot of Russian officials and certainly had a lot of hookers pee on sheets

How did we let this man become president?

Sunday, November 5, 2017

The Saudi house cleaning

The last two days of the Kingdom of Saud hVe felt like the ending to Goodfellas. Basically the new crown prince decided to play Layla and within 24 hours he had arrested every one of his rivals and cousins. The most Saudi part of the arrests were that they threw all of these corrupt princes into the toughest prison know the world, the Ritz Carlton which cancelled all other hotel reservations through December 31st.
Today another prince died when his helicopter crashed. If I'm a Saudi Prince, I'm not sure I'm starting my car tomorrow

I'm sure Trump is watching and admiring the entire thing

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Take on Pocahontas

Just this week Donald J Trump signed the following declaration.  

Native Americans are a testament to the deep importance of culture and vibrancy of traditions, passed down throughout generations. This month, I encourage all of our citizens to learn about the rich history and culture of the Native American people.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, DONALD J. TRUMP, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim November 2017 as National Native American Heritage Month.

Elizabeth Warren must be so proud 

Sent from my iPhone

Friday, November 3, 2017

Take on the 60 million fake Facebook accounts

Facebook now admits that up to 60,000,000 of its accounts are fake which likely means the number is 3x that. Just think about that, the most popular social media website with all this meteoric growth is just one army of bots, trolls and idiot cousins. They were the main platform for such atrocities as election interference, racist bots and kitten pictures

Years ago there was an article describing Facebook as a necessity, like electricity but somehow I've been able to stay off the grid and am no worse for the wear.
If this last election doesn't show you there cesspool that this place is, nothing will.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Take on Donna Brazile

Donna Brazile went after the DNC, the Clinton's and the democratic establishment in her new book which promised to be the biggest bombshell of the year and it will be available just in time for Christmas
I think that most of the world is ready for Hillary to just go away, she lost, she ran a terrible campaign and she is incredibly unlikeable but yet it feel like we are going to regurgitate the campaign a hundred times between now and 2020
But the thing that was more obvious -and frankly obnoxious- about the Brazile thing is that it just feels so self serving. The entire piece is about what she felt and noticed and how she knew Hillary was in trouble. Yet she did nothing about any of it at any point

Anyway, Donna Brazile and Hillary Clinton and Bill Clinton and that weird VP guy she chose. Plead all of you guys go away

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Take on the Facebook troll

3000 Facebook ads linked to Russia were released today and sadly each one is probably one that your  wife's idiot cousin posted.
I haven't been on Facebook in years, recognizing it for the cesspool it is, but from everything I hear, this last year+ has been particularly miserable. The old adage of not discussing religion or politics in public went to hell and you people all realized that you hate half of your Facebook friends.

The funny thing is thing is that everybody I know says the same thing about the vile rhetoric that was being spewed, they all say it was posted by either

- some nutty in-law
- some kind they went to high school with who likely works in a pizzeria or for the DPW

Sadly those morons represented half of this country and now we're stuck with Donald Duck