Friday, March 23, 2018

Take on Trump’s willingness to pay for sex

Can somebody explain what the appeal would have been for a Playboy model to have willing consensual sex with a cheese minor TV celebrity who is built like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man? Karen McDougal said that Trump tried to pay her after they had sex which she found weird and creepy, I'd make the case that not getting paid makes it weirder and creepier. Trump is cheesy, weird, awkward and completely unattractive so it's no surprise he'd offer to pay for sex since he must realize himself that he is completely disgusting.

But I think it goes deeper than that, the reason Trump offered to pay both McDougal and Stormy Is because it makes the entire thing transactional. Maybe his creepy lawyer has an NDA written up for anybody who bangs Trump which they abide by after accepting money for sex. Or maybe it's some loophole in the law where the transactional nature of the sex makes it so that Trump can take some legal repercussion if it came out.

Anyway I expect the market to tank today, so hold onto your hats

Thursday, March 22, 2018

Take on the Bolton hire

Trump ran a campaign partly on his claim that he saw the mess that was the Iraq war before anybody. Now obviously there is no way to know what position he took because back in 2003 nobody cares what Trump thought and maybe he was right.
But now, he makes his National Security Advisor one of the architects of the falsification of facts to go into that stupid war. The guy with the terrible mustache and the worse outlook on international affairs is now our NSA head all because he promised Trump he wouldn't start any wars

This guy wrote an essay about he legal justification to going to war with North Korea EARLIER THIS MONTH

Keep these two lunatics away from the red button

Wednesday, March 21, 2018

Take on Facebook

I'm kind of a dummy about most things but somehow I saw the demise of Facebook before most everybody. I was a late adopter and an early dropper mainly because I felt I was too old originally and too many old people were on by the time I left. But what bothered me more than anything was the fact that you lost the rights to what was yours and this Cambridge Analytics thing played right into that. How is it that Facebook allowed some app to come along to test your social IQ and in the fine print let them mine all of your data AND all of the data of anybody you are friends with. Six degrees of Kevin Bacon later, you have your hand way up a pig's ass and now we're stuck with the ultimate swine president

Thanks Facebook, thanks stupid aunts who got caught up in the FakeNews thing and thanks for all of you for giving them the open fields to steal your vegetables

Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Take on the cue cards

Our president gets handed cue cards that say stuff like "show sympathy" or "don't congratulate the crazy dictator" for winning a sham election. But this is Trump and there is probably a real sense that he might not be able to read, or at minimum he doesn't like to.

But with Cambridge Analytics coming to a crashing end, with Trump taking almost no stand on Austin and with that dummy Ben Carson blaming his wife for the hideous dining set, this will only make like the 1000th dumbest thing the administration did this week

Monday, March 19, 2018

Take on Big Huck

Jim Carrey best know for getting less funny in every movie he's ever done has turned to art to show his disdain for he modern political world. I'm always weary when a Canadian tries to interject himself into American politics but in this case, Trump is sort of all encompassing.
Anyway, he drew or painted a picture of some Gene Simmons looking chick and everybody assumes that it's Sarah The Huck Sanders. I am not sure this looks anything like Big Huck because, well, this chick is similarly ugly but not nearly as fat. Yeah I know this isn't PC but that woman is really painfully ugly but to be fair, Sean Spicer looked like a wad of used chewing gum. I'm not sure why Trump chooses these incredibly unattractive people to be his face of his horrible administration for
the press. Big Huck looks a lot like her father before he got the lap-band surgery and then crossed with one of the characters of the Addams Family

But the Jim Carrey picture is clearly Kellyann Conway

Sunday, March 18, 2018

Take on the NDA

Wait, Donald Trump has been forcing white house employees to sign an NDA and this is only the 20th most disturbing thing we've found out about him. First of all, I am not sure it's legal and the $10
Millions penalty not enforceable but you have to think that when you have to sign something like this, it's for good reason.
I doubt No Drama Obama made anybody do this mostly because he isn't a narcissist but also because he doesn't have any reason to do it.

But this does sort of describe why everybody that leave Trump orbit has stayed mum on the craziness from inside. Most even find their way back in his good graces, whether it is Spicer or Mooch or Lewandowski.

You'd almost say he's blackmailing them, where could he possibly come up with that concept

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Take on the little Don wedding photo

I'm not a guy who takes pleasure in the physical deficiencies of my fellow man...ok that is a bold faced lie. When I saw the photo of the Trump trio at Little Donnie's wedding I giggled. Actually I more than giggled, I spit an entire IPA all over my pants. Ivanka looks hot but a bit manly, Vanessa Trump has this weird smile like Little Don shoved his hand up her ass. Little Don looks like he's a reject from Jersey Shore because he was 30 pounds too far and Eric looks like Beavis if Beavis has a snagly tooth and ate Butthead. This has to be one of the best family photos ever taken.

Friday, March 16, 2018

Take on Rex’s sloppy release

Rex has had a hard week

First he was fired over Twitter since our president is afraid of confrontation with anybody he can't bully. Next a bunch of stories about Trump's disdain for Sexy Rexy appeared online including the fact he thought he spoke too slowly and finally we hear that when John Kelly called Rex to expect something from Trump, the secretary was on the can. I've travelled overseas a fair amount and there is nothing worse than a stomach bug while you are tens of thousands of miles from home and that moment when you are sitting on the throne with your bowels fully open is the only few minutes of normalcy you have. Well Kelly interrupted this to tell Rex to come home immediately.

And to think that only 15 months ago this guy was running one of the biggest and most successful companies in the world and now he gets fired while taking a sh*t

Thursday, March 15, 2018

Take on the Easter Bunny

Say one thing about Trump, when he fires you he somehow always keeps a relatively good relationship with you. The Mooch still speaks with him regularly as does Lewandowski. He loves Gorka and I'm sure even Sloppy Steve will make it back into his good graces.
Today even old friend Sean Spicer make a return, this after he was humiliated by being sent home from Europe a day before he could have met the pope. The good news for Spicer was that at least this time he wasn't hiding in the bushes although we did wonder if he was trying to get his EasterBunny gig back

Maybe Trump will hire him again just so he can get the pleasure of firing him again. You just know that Trump loves picking on old Sean.

Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Take on the teachers packing heat

The idea of arming teachers has always seemed like a terrible idea, but it will always take a horrific accident for that to sink in for the NRA nut jobs. Every shop teacher you ever met met was missing two fingers, every chemistry teacher had that weird acne on his face and every gun teacher looked like he was a kid toucher, these people have proven themselves to not be able to perform their own job without putting themselves at harm. I'm for resource officers but giving 80 year old Mrs Carper who teaches home economics a 9 millimeters and asking her to take out a guy carrying an AR15 is just not going to cut it.

So I am not surprised to see a teacher accidentally shoot a gun and accidentally injure a student. Might make sense to limit access to guns, not pt more into schools

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

Take on the crazy day

In the last 24 hours I had my back operated on, had the indignity of needing help peeing and popped three more opioids than I'd promised myself that I would in a lifetime.  
But other than that, did I miss anything?!??

Oh yeah, I guess I did

- TOR favorite Sexy Rexy Tillerson was fired on twitter and a great story emerged when Trump
scolded Rex for not eating a salad ( while meeting in China with President Xi.  When you are getting put to task on dietary choices by Trump you know you are in trouble

- Rex's second in command was fired unceremoniously hours later for releasing a Rex firing timeline that conflicted with the White House's record

- rumor is that Trump is going to fire his secretary of veterans affairs and replace him with Rick Perry which I'm fine with because it would move the dumbest member of his cabinet further away from anything to do with our nuclear stockpile

- Stormy Daniels wants to give back the $130k to keep silent which is always great news

- Trump wants to start a new department called Space War Department to fight the Stormtroopers I assume

- the Pennsylvania polls will close in a bit over an hour which hopefully mean Trump spends the next two days describing Saccone as a drooling buffoon.

- Don Jr took a photo being interviewed by the Easter bunny.

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, March 12, 2018

Take on the Saccone Rally

Trump's rally over the weekend for Rick Saccone was as much a campaign rally for some little district outside of Pittsburgh as it was the beginning of Trump's own re-election campaign. Our president spoke for 75 minutes and mentioned Saccone only in the last few minutes and even that was done reluctantly. I guess we should be impressed that he's taking an interest in this special election, one where he has put all his cards on the table but when you realize it's not about Saccone on the 18th district it's pretty obvious why he did it. The fact he did publicly go "all in" would make Saccone losing all the better.

The beauty is that as Trump is trumpeting Saccone on Twitter, he's bashing him in private according to published reports by Axios overnight. This is Trump's out which he'll use if the tides don't continue is Saccone's favor. The stories will come out immediately how Trump knew he was a failed candidate and a slob and Trump will never mention his name again
But what I really think is that Trump thought he was coming out for a Rick Santorum event and when he showed up he saw Rick Saccone who looks like a pudgy used car salesman and Trump thought. "Who the hell is this guy, I thought I was getting that slim dude in the suits not the guy with ketchup on his tie".

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Take on no style Tillerson

Sexy Rexy Tillerson is making a whirlwind trip around Africa as part of his Secretary of State duties but somehow he must have missed the memo. There was some photo of Tillerson dressed like a grandfather going on a safari getting out of his car l. This is our number one diplomat and he's wearing grandpa sneakers, khakis and a -non matching- khaki too. In other words he looks like he works at Officemax. I'm shocked this guy doesn't have a cell phone belt clip and a goatee.

Saturday, March 10, 2018

Take on Jared

Is there anything that Jared can't do?? He's bringing peace to the Middle East any day now, he's fixing the Louis problem, he's modernizing the way the federal government works and he's negotiating a new NAFTA. As if the man isn't busy enough, he also has three young kids yet he somehow has time to negotiate deals for his company and, as a CNN piece said today, tackling the Washington Swamp. Never mind that the biggest swamp creatures are either nepotism nelly or corrupt Carlos and Kushner is friendly with both

But this is Jared's world, we're just living in it

Friday, March 9, 2018

Take on the HGTV White House.

We always say Trump's administration is like watching reality TV but maybe it's more like watching HGTV because Trump's cabinets loves redecorating

After Trump came into officer he instantly turned the Oval Office upside down by painting the entire thing in gold and apparently his cabinet got the memo. Last week Ben Carson was caught trying to buy a $31,000 dining set for his office, the news went nuts saying the Expeditors was exuberant but we really wondered something else. "What the hell do you need a dining set in your office??"

Well Ryan Zinke did Carson one better by ordering a set of $139,000 doors, were not talking about some super sectors vault door to keep all the gems he's stealing from the interior, this is your standard front door.
Let us know when we will start draining that swamp, at this rate our best bet might be November 2020

Thursday, March 8, 2018

Take on the meeting without preconditions

So after decades of insisting we wouldn't meet with North Korea without guarantees that they would stop nuclear proliferation, the White House has agreed to do just that.

I'm actually not convinced that what we've been doing is a good strategy. North Korea still has their hands on nukes, their people are starving and deprived of most things because of the crippling sanctions and we aren't safer for any of it.
The closest thing we have had to direct contact with Pyongyang in decades is Dennis Rodman.

So I'm willing to give this a shot because, really, what other choice do we have. We aren't bringing the Fat Korean with the terrible haircut to his knees but all the normal diplomatic systems have failed miserably. I'm sure Trump and Kim Jong Un will get along great as Trump loves dictators and Kim loves anybody who can claim to have banged a porn star

Then again, I'm not sure who will be leading the delegation to actually negotiate something here as these two obese morons may negotiate themselves into a jello wrestling match.

Wednesday, March 7, 2018

Take on Tucker II

I honestly don't get the appeal to Tucker Carlson. I can't stand Hannity but I get his appeal, O'Reilly was sort of charming in his own stupidity but Tucker Carlson is not even funny. I know that FoxNews is going through a downward spiral and they'll likely get rid of this guy in the next year but this must go down as one of the real low points having this guy anchor your evening lineup.

But what is more troublesome than his horrible show is the fact the guy looks like the poster boy for a Megan's Law ad.

Tuesday, March 6, 2018

Take on David Dennison

Somehow Donald Trump paid $130,000 in hush money to Stormy Daniels but he forgot to sign the contract which makes the hush money null and void. It really sucks mostly for poor Michael Cohen who paid the money and apparently hasn't been paid back and now it's all going to come out anyway.
What is the best part of it is that Trump goes by the totally terrible name David Dennison which has to the worst fake name ever created. This guy's got nothing on Ron Mexico.

Monday, March 5, 2018

Takey on the Nunberger

Somedays we struggle for content, other days the content writes itself and somedays I wonder if we would be better off just posting a transcript of Sam Nunberg's interviews with MSNBC, CNN, The Weather Channel, The Disney Channel and Court TV. I have to think that there is something seriously wrong with this guy, I mean seriously wrong because nobody decides to whip out their little dingy and shove in Bob Mueller's face if they have any fear of Mueller biting it off. But Nunberg certainly isn't afraid of Bob Mueller and maybe that is because he's off of his mess, maybe it is because he thinks that what he is doing is protecting Roger Stone or maybe he's about to jump in front of the A train

I'm hoping it's no option three because I got to get to work tomorrow

Sunday, March 4, 2018

Take on the Amazon Essential

I needed an fall/spring jacket that looked just a bit more respectable than my American Giant hoodie so I went over to Amazon and found a black jacket with 4.8 stars over a few thousand reviews. Two days later my jacket shows up and it fits great, is exactly the thickness I'm looking for and has amazingly deep pockets which you could literally stuff an iPad mini into. The only odd thing was that the "brand" in the label was AmazonEssentials which I had kind of heard of but assumed it was their service to bundle a bunch of things like toothpaste, hairbrushes and condoms together It's not exactly weird but it is sort of odd as it seems they are just bypassing their vendors and now going direct which you have to think involves a lot of headaches not worth their time

Saturday, March 3, 2018

Take on term limits

Trump speaking to a private audience speaking about China removing term limits for their presidency that "maybe we'll give that a shot someday" and immediately the internet went crazy. How could this man even joke about breaking the covenant we as a country have with our constitution, who dare he trampled on our democracy like that.

But I saw it differently, if he were to do that it would mean that not only would Trump run again in 2024 but his opponent could be none other than Barack Hussein Obama and we'd see Reagan-Mondale II

Friday, March 2, 2018

Take on the Trade War

Maybe Donald thinks that Trade Wars is a show on Bravo or something because I can't think of a good reason to exclaim that they are good but then again I didn't go to Warton (undergrad) and I haven't spent my life bankrupting every company I have that wasn't underwritten by Russians

The most disturbing development out of this Trade War thing is that the people for it (Trump, Wilburt Ross, Stephen Miller ) are all morons and they were kept at bay for this by Gary Cohn and Rob Porter.  One half of that pair is out already and the other is on his way.  
Basically anybody with any sense of economics says one thing and Trump listens to one guy who is an abject racist and the other one who is older than dirt and falls asleep after lunch.  The other one pushing for this is Carl Icahn who by the way sold all his positions in steel last week. 

Then I read this and I thought we have really gone off the deep end

Supporters of the tariffs have begun broadcasting televised ads in recent days during programs that Mr. Trump has been known to watch. One such ad ran on Fox News minutes before the president's Twitter post on Thursday morning.

How the hell have we let ourselves get to this place with the president making hugely impactful trade decisions based on an infomercial.  I don't even trust those ads to give me the perfect egg cooker and this moron is using them to shape policy. 

But maybe we can use this tactic to our advantage. We put together an ad to play at 6:30am on FoxNews saying true universal background checks are necessary to keep the guns out of the hands of terrorists, child abusers, drug dealers, weirdos and psychotics.   We can even add a line that it can be a way to find illegal immigrants.  
Really play it up to Trump and voila we have real gun reform 

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Take on Sea Cucumber

I've had my share of interesting food but tonight may have taken the cake.   I was served sea cucumber which tasted nothing like cucumber and there was not one second that I felt like I should put my cucumber in it.   This thing looks like something out of Stranger Things and somehow people on this continent saw this and thought...appetizing.    Forget the taste, the texture of this thing is like eating spiky silly putty the kind that's been left out in the sun too long

So anyway, this thing is disgusting and weird and sort of creepy but at least it isn't bull balls

Sent from my iPhone

Wednesday, February 28, 2018

Take on the Free Internet

Seeing a sign for Free Internet is great but when you see on at Pudong airport you are not sure how free the free is. The internet in China isn't exactly the same as the internet in the rest of the world as you feel every last work is read, dissected and scrutinized. I was at this airport once and made the mistake of logging onto the free WiFi, within twenty minutes my phone battery was drained, the phone felt like it had been stuck in the oven and all my naked selfies I like to take after I shower were missing

Sucks for those hackers

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Take on the greatest leader of all time.

Wait, President bone spur would run into a burning building, to pull out dying kids while fighting off an armed terrorist while giving mouth to mouth to an old lady who has fallen and can't get up? He is not just the greatest president, he might actually be the greatest person to have ever lived and we have been spending the last 13 months doing nothing but unfairly criticizing him for a litany of false accusations. This man is the epitome of hope, he is a living walking breathing Mother Theresa, but with better hair. This is a man who has dedicated his life to service, to helping others, to standing up for those who can't and yet you snowflakes find time to attack him on every unverified conversation and you wonder why this country is falling apart. It certainly is not because of a lack of leadership on top but rather a lack of respect down below, no army has ever won a war with subordination and we as a country of morals and ethics should look in the mirror before attacking a man who would risk his life by running unarmed into this school. If we want to star healing, the first thing might be to stop stabbing our leader in the back every chance you have.
You people disgust me

Monday, February 26, 2018

Take on the tone deaf times

We don't often do this but you get a double dip of TOR today if for no other reason than to condemn the NYT for their incredibly tasteless decision to pair a photo of troops carrying a casket along with the headline "warmer days are ahead, so if it's a little cold out, enjoy the warmth inside with a good read". Calling this tone deaf is an insult to people with no musical pitch, this is pure insult and whoever copywriter let this one pass should be sent across the street from the Times headquarters and shoved upon a random NJ transit bus to some random piece of suburban hell.

Take on poor breathing conditions

Nothing is better than waking up to take in a beautiful new day and realize you can't see the sky because of micron sized particles of soot. This is typical in China and although there have been government mandates to try to clean up the air, it isn't exactly working or at least not very quickly.

Even if I've been here a dozen or more times it is still shocking every time you sneeze and your tissue has black crap in it, you never quite get use to it. What is worse is the look of the faces of the people who live here, their faces are weathered like the lungs of a chain smoker or a catcher's glove that's been left out in the rain for too long. They tell me the air is pretty good today, we may even get some blue sky but I believe that at this point gray is the new blue.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Take on the awful China Eastern movie selection

Sent from my iPhoneThey are is really nothing worse than getting onto a 14 hour flight and checking out the movie selection and feeling like I just logged into the free amazon movie collection.

The options are more than miserable with choices of

Home again
Paper planes
Loving Vincent
Murder on the Orient express
The boy who wants to live
The lost brother
Their finest

I haven't heard of any of these and even the previews make them sound worse than having to listen to the 400 pound Chinese guy snoring next to me.

Great way to start!!!

Saturday, February 24, 2018

Take on too much corporate credit

Corporate America has been getting a lot of credit for their response to the NRA and I've seen commentators discuss how hitting the NRA where it hurts might finally take its chokehold off of American sensibility
The issue is that all these corporations who have come out have only taken away discounts for NRA members, these are very insignificant in the big picture. They may affect some individual people as the discounts being pulled away are almost exclusively for travel related things (Delta, Hertz, Enterprise, United etc.) but doesn't actually directly affect the NRA coffers.
The ones that have more sting are the cities who will not host their events or the credit card companies who will not issue them credit but those are few and far between.

So until you see a blanket promise across industries to stop donating to the NRA directly, all financial companies refuse to use them to launder their money and tons of cities refuse to host their events, it's all a bit blah. And the cities have to be southern, midwestern or mountain western ones, NYC saying they won't host an NRA event is isn't exactly groundbreaking

Friday, February 23, 2018

Take on Trump charging Trump rent

The RNC is still paying The Trump Company $37,000 in rent per month which is about the least surprising thing we heard all week. Of course they are paying him rent because why wouldn't they be set up on 5th Avenue in NYC. I'm not sure what is standard but we're still a few years from the next election and keeping this place rented seems kind of nuts because they likely don't have more than a dozen people. The entire first Trump campaign prided itself on how lean they kept which considering their belly on their leader is kind of funny. But I know what NYC office space costs and this seems high for a half a dozen people which I wouldn't care about if they were renting space in some random space but when they are writing the checks to Trump Inc....

Thursday, February 22, 2018

tale on Trump's taking on the NRA

Trump went against the NRA this morning with his tweet

I will be strongly pushing Comprehensive Background Checks with an emphasis on Mental Health. Raise age to 21 and end sale of Bump Stocks! Congress is in a mood to finally do something on this issue - I hope!

this was an encouraging tweet since he at least indicated an improved background check, an age raise and the end of bump-stocks.     I've seen many people say this is a bit of an empty promise since nobody is really going to rally for bump-stocks and the age raise to 21 is pretty uncontroversial in the same way that the NBA players association was happy to add the one-year NCAA minimum since it doesn't really affect any people presently in the NBA.  The background check improvement is encouraging but until it becomes universal background check including the gun-show loophole (basically any private sale) it's a chomp without much bite.    It also didn't address any kind of assault weapon ban and didn't even mention the word 'gun' so I can see how people are dissapointed

But with all that was missing I see it differently.   We've seen inaction after Las Vegas, after Sandy Hook, after Virginia Tech.. if this is action, even if it's minimal, we have to take it.    We have to start grabbing our country back, even if the steps are incremental. 

And I know this can come across as a victory for Trump.. but really if it keeps the guns out of some people and eliminates bump-stocks, it's a battle I hope he wins.  And actually, I think the chances of a republican passing comprehensive gun reform is much more likely than a democrat, but hoping for Trump to be sensible might be asking a bit too much

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Take on TrumpDating

Want to meet likeminded people? Feel that your "conservative" views aren't being taken seriously? Feel like the snowflakes in the liberal press are on a witch hunt for your Dear Leader!? We have the website for you. Discover love, romance and friendship -as long as it's heterosexual- on

I'm not sure if this is run by the same people selling Trump Wine, Trump Steaks and Trump Access but it seems that there is a market for this. There are so many forgotten people, ones living paycheck to paycheck, ones who go on African Safari's for exotic game, ones who feel Jesus speaks to them through Trump, ones who think coal is making a comeback, ones who think we should have AR-15s, ones who answer questions about Russian interference with "But Hillary". Ones who feel that as a blue collar, truck driving, church going American there is nobody who understands them like a NYC billionaire, on his third marriage with a trail of affairs in his wake, who refuses to knock Putin, who disparages minorities and who lives in a penthouse as far away from the riffraff as possible.

Sadly though, their male model has been convicted of having sex with an underage girl which I have to think is a no-no on the website. I think they just removed him and added Roy Moore instead

Tuesday, February 20, 2018

Take on Groundhog Day

Trump is agitated this morning, he's been binge watching Fox&Friends and hate tweeting to his heart's content.  

But today's 8:38 was a doozy when he claimed to have been tougher on Russia than Obama

My first thought was echoed online 

What facts?  Obama imposed sanctions. Trump refuses to. Trump has never said one bad thing about Putin or Russia. WTF is he talking about?

But then I remember, this is all part of the game.  just like that..he will turn the news cycle on its head and we will all forget about Porter, Kelly, The Schiff memo, the EPA etc.  

Trump is like living through Groundhog Day.   Everyday is a blank slate and nobody remembers what happened yesterday 

Sent from my iPhone

Monday, February 19, 2018

Take on Tucker

I kind of feel bad for Tucker Carlson because the poor guy always looks so constipated. I'm not quite sure if he doesn't get enough fiber in his diet or if he should be drinking more water but every time I turn on FoxNews the guy looks like he is trying desperately to push out a gigantic hard turd and I'm not talking about a Bernie Goldberg. It must be hard to constantly manufacture new outrage, the last time I saw more than a few minutes he was saying that the Nunes memos were going to make the Pentagon papers look like a pimple on Bill O'Reilly's gigantic white ass. So I guess in part he was true as it referred to O'Reilly's gigantic white ass but the Nunes memo was the white head on top of that pimple

Somebody get this guy some prunes

Sunday, February 18, 2018

Take on the Russian curling doping scandal

Wait, the Russians competing under an Olympic flag because of doping got caught for doping again and this time it's for curling. I'm not sure what athletic prowess benefits a curling player but I'm assuming whatever it is, it's something that improves with steroids because otherwise this would be even dumber.
The Russians are a completely crooked bunch, they cheat at curling and our president doubts they tried to influence our election?!?? Open your eyes..what the heck is wrong with you people

Saturday, February 17, 2018

Take on Trump’s stupid thumbs up thing

There really is nothing more worse than when Donald Trump does that stupid Thumbs Up thing and when he does it at the most inappropriate times is when you just cringe. His tweet today with his "our entire nation w/one heavy heart continues to pray for the victims & their families in Parkland, FL. To teachers, law enforcement..." is so obviously not actually written by him but the stupid sh!t eating grin certainly is.

Friday, February 16, 2018

Take on the AirForce One decent

An otherwise innocuous video of Trump coming off of AirForce One caught my eye today because it shows you all you need to know about him (

I was watching because earlier reports said that the press Corp was removed from the plane when Melania arrived and shouting could be heard.  We know these two don't like each other much and he's gotten himself in nothing but trouble over the last few months as stories of one affair after another has taken center stage

So I was watching the video to see if there was any obvious tension, hand slapping, ass grabbing or whatever 

For a second he looks like he is going to be a gentleman and let's her go first but immediately they kind of jostle to get in front.  

His insatiable need to get all the press and be first throws any thought of chivalry out the door and he's shoulder to shoulder with her by the third step down.    Within ten steps Trump completely cuts her off and forces her to stumble but he hardly reacts, he just wants to make sure he gets down first

my five year old and three year old do the same thing 

Sent from my iPhone

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Take on the @NYDailyNews ad algorithm

The algorithm for ad placement is broken, I cannot say it any other way

I was reading a story this morning about the Florida gunman and right smack in the middle of the article was an ad for SlideBelts. I have no idea what this thing is but it looks like the kind of thing Rambo would wear....and more importantly something I have no interest in wearing.

I get that in reading an article about gun violence but that doesn't mean I'm looking for an inspector gadget belt to protect myself, quite the contrary and when I'm reading about one of the most somber moments in a year, I think I'd rather see an ad for 1800 Flowers or better yet, none at all

Wednesday, February 14, 2018

Take on the sham fight

There was a story of a military fight between some paid Russian mercenaries and the US after the Russians tried to storm a base in Syria.   It got a bit of press because there were mass Russian casualties but not enough press for the right's a gigantic sham 

This reminds me of two decades ago when I was doing some white collar boxing.  Basically a way to get into shape for a bunch of corporate nerds but we were doing it at a legit boxing gym.  

At one point they put on a showcase, basically a method to make money for the gym and show off their 'professional' fighters (guys making like $500-$1000 per fight).  They put me up against another white collar guy in the heavyweight division (I was a slob back then).  Gave us three rounds but we're instructed that I would win the second round and half of the third and the other guy would win the first and the other half of the third, so it ended in a draw 

we threw a few punches, I ate some leather, I didn't land much, did a lot of holding and grabbing and at the end the audience probably left disappointed but at least the appearance was a heavyweight fight.  It was all a -poorly- choreographed show and the audience was none the wiser. 

That's what's happening with these quasi fights in Syria.  Putin sends in some paid mercenaries to cause trouble, the US takes them out.   Trump looks like he is aggressive, Putin wipes his hands clean because this was the equivalent of Blackwater and everybody moves on with only the cost of a few hundred dead Russians.  So everybody wins 

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, February 13, 2018

Take on Blue Apron for the poor

Call it Blue Apron for the poor

The new budget includes a program which would replace half of the food stamps that recipients get with boxes of healthy food delivered to their house. The idea is admirable but, like most things admirable taken on my Big Government, probably a disaster.

this will create a huge new federal government division to try to handle this something I'd think republicans aren't keen on and I'm not sure where taking choice away from Americans ever finds it's way into conservative lexicon.

Then lobbyists for every food group in the country will be descending upon Washington to get their bag of Doritos added to the list, the healthy part will be history in a week.

But if it were to be run right (actual healthy food, delivered quickly) it will lead to less food being consumed by poor Americans. Think about that healthy lunch your mom made you in middle school. Wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, lean turkey, an apple and some dried nuts. This entire brown bag ended up in the trash

Imagine if Michelle Obama had tried this, they may have tried to execute her for treason

Monday, February 12, 2018

Take on the official portraits

Barack and Michelle Obama's official portraits were revealed today and to call them terrible would be an understatement. Michelle's looks more like black Ellen than it does her and Obama and his weird bush reminds us of Sean Spicer hiding in his.

But this is about as bad as it gets for the Obama's. Their official portraits are sort of funky. The No Drama Obama thing was so perfectly executed that we basically turned one of the greatest orators of our time into something as bland as a ham and cheese sandwich. And still the GOP found flaws, Michelle had bare arms, Barack wore that tan suit and ate that burger with mustard, his outreach during the beer summit was lame, he spent too much time at home and not enough on the hill, his NCAA picks were chalk and her organic garden was basically treasonous.
That's what they had on him...

Sunday, February 11, 2018

Take on the Trojan Horse

Every time he says or does something outrageous, the media goes nuts, CNN puts on experts to see how he can survive and why he said what he did and everybody spends the next two days in a totally frenzy.   But this isn't some odd thing, it's by design. 

Trump just uses the rope-a-dope and waits for the Democrats, the moderates, the media, the sensible world etc to to punch themselves out.  Something they will do within a matter of days.   

The more I think about it, the more the GOP has perfectly used Trump...they let him get out there and make outlandish comments and use that as cover to constantly, slowly, move the line.   He blazes a trail, sets a few houses on fire and the GOP retreats a bit, but not all the way.  They just constantly make progress behind him.   The Democrats are way too busy trying to fight the dragon than to realize that they've lost major land already. 

There will be huge casualties for the GOP in November and likely more in 2020 but by then we may live in a very different country

Trump has gotten the tax cuts that the GOP has been promising for years through, he's gotten one SCOTUS and may get another not to mention many lower court justices, he's pulled back regulation, he's neutered the EPA, he's pushed back on clean energy and is getting approvals for more off shore drilling, his Secretary or Education may get some of those voucher programs, choice is under attack, the military complex is growing will be on high alert for the foreseeable future and earmarks will likely be back.  

Sent from my iPhone

Saturday, February 10, 2018

Take on the Times story of the intelligence agency interest in info pawned by Russians

Trump reference a NY Times article this morning which alleged that Us intelligence agency had paid $100,000 to a Russian who was offering information on Trump
Reading the article, they were, apparently, looking for different information but that really isn't the story here. The story also isn't that Trump may in fact be tied up with Russians. The story here is that for the first time in a year, he forgot the "failing" part in front of NY Times
The man is starting to lose it

Friday, February 9, 2018

Take on Trump’s intelligence briefings

The. Washington post had a bombshell article today showing that Trump, unlike his predecessors, doesn't actually read he intelligence briefings prepared for him daily. This is despite the fact they have dumbed down the binder of information to a single page with bullet points, charts and a paint by number map. This has to be the least bombshell bombshell ever, this is like one of those snaps you threw on the concrete as a kid. Everybody knows that he has no actual intellectual curiosity, has no attention span and is likely not able to read

Thank god he's leading our country

Take on the Fab 5

There really is no picture that describes year 1 of the Trump presidency better than the one from a last summer. This was taken in that 9 day period when the Mooch was running things and the photo is like a real live Reservoir Dogs

You have Corey who was fired before he got into the White House, Omarosa who looks like she ate Reince Priebus, The Mooch who needs no introductions, Gorka who is a complete maniacal lunatic and the man of the hour who beat not just one wife but two of them (and likely a girlfriend too). I'm convinced that Hope Hicks is going through some serious Stockholm syndrome right about now.
The question is who is the fatter slob, Gorka, Omarosa or Porter??

If these are what Trump meant by the best people, I'd hate to see who he would turn down for the job

Wednesday, February 7, 2018

Take on the Bitcoin coin

There is something I don't get about Bitcoin. Ok there is a lot I don't get like why would anybody think this is a good investment, why would this ever be a good thing for our economy and why is the entire thing run by a Japanese underlord

But the real question is that every newscast or article about Bitcoin shows these coins with an uppercase B on them. Isn't this a virtual currency? So there aren't any actual coins and there isn't an actual design to a coin that doesn't exist, right?
It's as if we are talking about a great song and thy keep showing a picture of a bird. It's as if the entire media wants people to believe this has some actual intrinsic value like gold when in actuality it is the exact opposite of gold because gold is an actual physical thing and BitCoin is a complete mirage

Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Take on Trump’s stupid parade

We don't have the money to pay for health care, we can't seem to get the 40,000 homeless veterans off the streets and we have to find ways to cut entitlements but having a big North Korea type military parade is what we should do?!? I don't care what side of the aisle you are on or who you voted for, this entire idea is a gigantic cluster. It's going to cost millions, it's going to cause logistical headaches and it's totally unnecessary. We already have the largest military in the world, this is like LeBron James throwing a party to showcase his talent over a bunch of high-school kids.

Two points
- the military is never going to showcase any new weapons, stuff that are being made in dark labs at Lockheed. So whatever we will see will be relics of the Cold War and a bunch of crappy scud missiles

- if I were Kim Jung Un, I'd attack the US the second this parade starts because all of our crap is going to be on a parade route in DC instead of where is should be.

Monday, February 5, 2018

Take on the market collapse

Trump should thank his lucky stars that the State of the Union was last week and not this week. Since with the marker in a tailspin and more than a trillion of the 8 trillion dollar disappeared in 8 days with today being the worse single point loss in Wall Streets long history. It's obviously a weird number to quote since the total market is now 25,000 so a 1175 loss is statistically smaller than it would have been on a market cap of 10,000 or whatever. But Trump has embraced WallStreet and never given his predecessor an ounce of credit for it but I have to bet that Obama will be getting the blame for old Donnie when he wakes up tomorrow

I'm afraid to look at my 401k today and that was the only good thing this president had going for him.

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Take on Little Donny

I don't think that there will anything more gratifying than when Little Don gets sent to federal penitentiary for lying to the FBI, treason and just being a complete snarky jerk.
Today he came out and called the Nunes memo "sweet revenge". I read the memo and it had a bunch of a Revenge of the Nerds feel but not sure there was much more revenge. What it will hopefully do is eventually bring down the slimy weasel Nunes and show him to be the anti American traitor that he is.

Hope these guys bring plenty of Vaseline

Saturday, February 3, 2018

Take on the Father of the Year

I would happily have sent $1000 to the GoFundMe campaign of the dad who lunges after Larry Nassar and bundled it with a Father of the Year shirt, had he been charge with a crime. I know there is a certain level of decorum we're suppose to have, but had that been me standing up there speaking for my three daughters and there wouldn't have been a deputy strong enough to keep my rage down and there isn't one second where I'd feel anything but pride in having done it. The only solace this father -and the other parents of all the 250 some odd kids- should have is that in prison the one group that aren't looked upon very fondly are the kid touchers. I'm sure the warden will find a way to room with Biff and turn the light down and the music up

That's unless this loser doesn't take the easy way out.