Tuesday, June 19, 2018
Monday, June 18, 2018
the media is falling all over themselves trying to give credit to Melania's comments which they indicate are a direct rebuke on Trump's immigration policy.
the problem is that there was never a statement of Melania actually rebuking much of anything.. She did say she hated to see families torn apart which is more than Trump would say but then went to say that she hoped both sides of the aisle would come together to fix this (read..build that stupid wall). This is like saying you like gorge on ice-cream and you also like to be skinny.
Trump is president, Sessions is the AG, the GOP controls both the Senate and the House and this is a Trump policy which Stephen Miller has already indicated is so harsh specifically to deter other border crossers. I am not sure what the correct fix is but I do know throwing kids into detention centers away from their families is NOT the solution..
but Melania will get credit for her compassion, her willingness to stand up and defend those who can't speak for themselves and to criticize her husband's policy.. sadly she didn't do any of that and knowing her role in the birther thing, I don't think she ever really will..
Sunday, June 17, 2018
But like we said, when Trump goes on one of these rants, it is a sure sign that Big Bob will bring the hammer...hope he takes it right to Don jr's nutsack
Saturday, June 16, 2018
Long hours, government pay, tons of nepotism to deal with and you may at some point get dragged into a criminal investigation. Please send resume
The White House is hiring and there is so little interest amongst qualified career lawmakers and staff that they have resorted to putting an ad online hoping to get some millennial interest.
See Trump is so rotten that just being in his orbit will have you smell like catfish flavored polish rum for a month. So unless you can manage the Scott Pruit route, this job probably is going to suck as you eventually join Paul Manafort squeezing your ass together whenever you drop the soap.
Friday, June 15, 2018
What always bothered me about Ryan was that people always claim that he's some policy wonk but that's just calling him the tallest midget. I doubt that Paul Ryan understands macroeconomic policy substantially better than Peter King (either one) or that he has insight on the grand effects of healthcare much past his own copay.
So when he says that he's not sure what to think of Scott Pruit using every last bit of his power to rip off the entire USA, I'm neither shocked or surprised. If he does know, he doesn't have the internal moral fortitude to have any desire to doing anything about it and if he really doesn't know, it's basically par for the course as he does genuinely come across as frat boy dummy.
Thursday, June 14, 2018
Somebody asked if this kind of thing bothers Trump Voters but I suspect these are the same people who believe the earth is 5000 years old, so space-time probably doesn't mean the same thing to them as it does us.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
We did save a bunch of money by switching to Geico and suspending those pesky military drills with South Korea, so DJT continues in his cost cutting efforts. We also saved by not bringing Jim Mattis along because we know MadDog likes to order the expensive Chardonnay on AirForceOne He did bring Big Huck so that cut into the budget but luckily Donald ate a Wendy's burger, so Sarah Sanders was able to have his surf and turf.
John Bolton also came along but we saved by not needing to provide a nose hair trimmer and Mike Pompeo only ordered soup although that soup was made from the tears of dying children.
Luckily for all Scott Pruitt wasn't invited which meant that the AirForceOne linens didn't need to be replaced. Dennis Rodman flew on his own dime which was nice. Neither Ivanka or Ivankhim came along so at least they didn't demand to be put up in the presidential palace
Maybe Trump can borrow W's "Mission Accomplished" banner. Would save a few bucks there, too
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
So expect Cohen to start singing, expect Trump to start chirping and know that Big Bob Mueller will be laughing all the way to the courthouse
Monday, June 11, 2018
Avenatti has been trolling Giuliani for weeks and apparently has found some IP evidence that Rudy is a dirty old man and is dangling that tidbit out of the window to get Rudy's blood pumping
We know that there is no way that Rudy has any blood pumping down to his Little Rudy without some pharmaceutical aid, so this is probably the only way for the mayor to get exited. Now the only question is, what kind of porn is Rudy into?!? I'm sure it's some BBC shit.
Sunday, June 10, 2018
Trump is likely doing the same at his hotel tonight.
Only question remains, did Kim get some Star Alliance frequent flyer miles out of this thing.
Saturday, June 9, 2018
Either that or he looks like he's taking a giant shit
Friday, June 8, 2018
Nice job ABC and Disney, glad to see you've paid attention to the MeToo movement.
Thursday, June 7, 2018
Wednesday, June 6, 2018
Anyway, he's a loser and I think he has plugs
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Then again he likely doesn't know the Star Spangled Banner either
Monday, June 4, 2018
Anyway, good luck on the big June meeting with Trump. Sadly for the world, neither of these men look like they like a tossed salad.
Sunday, June 3, 2018
"This is the reason you don't let the president testify. Our recollection keeps changing, or we're not even asked a question and somebody makes an assumption."
This is the time where Rudy must get confused, it is the only explanation. He apparently confused "things which are totally true" with "things he should say in public". I could see how that would be hard to distinguish but they really should be two entirely different things when dealing with Trump. Anyway, he is going to screw this thing up so royally for Trump that he will soon get the Big Chris Christie treatment.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Anyway, he said it was a very nice letter before he said that he hasn't read it yet and everybody mocked him but in fairness, you don't actually think he is going to read it anyway, so who cares what he says
Friday, June 1, 2018
- who is going to pay for the North Korean 5 star hotels? The North Koreans aren't willing to roll out $6000 per night per room, so now we have to foot that bill
- who is going to get them to Singapore? Their crappy Soviet planes can hardly make it across the Sea of Japan. Somebody needs to lend them a Learjet
- who is going to bring enough food to feed those two lards? You just know Trump won't try anything icky and fishy and Kim will likely eat anything they put in front of him. Both are likely to use the crayons on the table and one of them is likely to get it stuck up their nose.
Anyway, glad this BroMance is back on but if we are going to take it in the five hole..why do we have to pay for dinner?!??
Thursday, May 31, 2018
Michael, maybe next time just set your entire office on fire.
Wednesday, May 30, 2018
You may question where her wealth really comes from, where her assets are located and whether in her global dealings if she's made any eyebrow raising decisions. You might wonder if, being such a prominent celebrity, she could possibly be compromised to protect her name which is really the entirety of her brand since she has tried to pursue a global reach. You might actually ask if she has an acumen for global affairs, nuance of state matters and foreign policy issues or even an interest. Asking that she give up her stake in her global empire would not seem unreasonable as there would be massive potential conflict of interest issues. You may wonder what her intellectual curiosity is. If she decided to make Kourtney and Khloé trusted advisors you may think that would be odd being that neither has any experience either. She might ask her North West to sit in on major meetings with foreign dignitaries which would seem odd. Her fourth husband may disappear for days on end and not seem to like her very much but that would just be Page6 fodder. You wonder how she can communicate on her unsecured iPhone XXX and you laugh when she uses FaceBurn to communicate with the American public.
If she then invited the biggest 2040 major reality TV star to discuss policy at the White House you may think the optics are laughable. Her ties to the IRIN regime which spawned from the destruction of ISIS would seem troubling especially after her top advisors have been caught communicating directly with them, granted we thought the "war on terror" ended a few decades earlier but there is still no love loss between the US and IRIN. You'd be frightened to think she was negotiating nuclear disarmament with Pakistan while calling their leader a little poodle on FaceBurn.
But luckily this could never ever happened
Tuesday, May 29, 2018
I hate Roseanne mostly because because her fat ass is going to keep John Goodman from winning an Emmy.
Monday, May 28, 2018
First of all the statement "Happy Memorial Day" is an oddity in itself, there isn't anything particularly happy about it other than getting some 50% off of ground beef. Secondly to think that those who gave their lives fighting nazi oppression have any interest in our present day economy or our rebuilt military is ludicrous. Lastly, ending any Memorial Day statement with Nice! is about as classy as a grown man using the day to beak the cannon ball world record at the town pool.
Sunday, May 27, 2018
I get that you want to show off little Jared but come on, show us a photo of him with his tee ball outfit
Saturday, May 26, 2018
We don't have the stomach for immigration reform because we feel we have bigger fish to fry but when we have a president who doesn't realize that his own wife jumped the border by overstaying her visa, marrying a horrible man for a green-card and then using chain migration to get her parents here, then up is down and down is lower than we've ever seen it. Like when they announced they came up with that new absolute black, that is the life we are living in.
Friday, May 25, 2018
I did see everybody patting Brad Pitt on the back for threatening to kick Fat Harvey's ass a decade ago which would have a lot more oomph has he nor filmed Incredulous Basterds
We'll see how this eventually plays out but I hear Morgan Freeman got invited to the after party.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Maybe there will be a market for them like old currency but I sort of suspect them to have the same value as a Knicks 1994 NBA champion T-shirts.
Wednesday, May 23, 2018
The Pentagon made what CNN called a damning assessment of the North Korean power structure
"With the proposed Trump-Kim summit in the balance, the Pentagon has made public a damning assessment of Kim's regime that concludes its primary function is to ensure "perpetual Kim family rule" at the expense of the well-being of the North Korean people"
We needed a study to tell us that the Kim's have plans for perpetual rule?? Has nobody been paying attention to the last 60 years?? These people kill family members who aren't loyal enough, ensuring the rule passes directly down in a dynasty. They have kept millions of citizens without basic human nutrition to ensure this Kim dynasty
This seems like the kind of assessment I could have come up with that on the back of a beer coaster for half the time and money.
Sent from my iPhone
Tuesday, May 22, 2018
But I'm not sure if Jr. has any idea what is going on right now but his old man is looked down the barrel of the Mueller pistol and Beretta Bob just disengaged the safety
Lock him up
Monday, May 21, 2018
Today a report came out that Trump aides put typos and random capitalization into his tweets to make him appear more recognizable to his base. In other words, they dumb down the dumbest President so his dumb audience can't figure out it's not him.
But really I don't believe this, they are floating this out there to give off the impression that the typos are by design and that he isn't actually a moron but I'm not buying it. Trump is as dumb as it gets and his core audience adores him not in-spite of it but because they don't even realize it.
Sunday, May 20, 2018
Trump demands that the DOJ look into whether they themselves infiltrated the Trump campaign when that only shines the light on just how guilty his campaign actually was. The FBI isn't going to investigate something they don't think has legs and when your campaign includes people like Trump, Gorka, Page, Manafort, Little Don, Flynn and Erik Prince and you realize that finding a criminal amongst this crew is like shooting fish in a barrel.
- it would have been nice had they out this thing on at a reasonable hour. 7am on a Saturday?!? Get this puppy into a US prime-time slot or at least at noon.
- the preacher was interesting but Jesus, what the hell was he talking about ten minutes into it a bit the Fire?!?
-where the hell did they duck our for twenty minutes. Confessing a laundry list of sins?
- people say that Meghan Markle's dress was understated..do you realize it had a fifty foot train?? Although ballsy to go white
- a bunch of people wondered whether two random royals would wear ridiculous hats, Princess Beatrice and the other one. I have no idea but both could stand to lose ten stone and it would be nice if maybe one of them could smile
-apparently Harry's ex showed up, not sure how that is ever a good idea. Not on Royal Wedding day, not at the chapel at the Mirage
- a bunch of nice Diana moments but when I heard some commentator say that the ceremony had white roses because that was her favorite..you are sort of gasping for straws. It's a wedding
- everybody commented that Harry was such a gentleman for opening that door of the classic car and Markle for leaning over for him. This was fully choreographed people.
- love the tableau of a gospel choir in a church surrounded by the most stuffy people in the world going through endless pomp and circumstance.
- I didn't hear a peep out of Prince George or Princess Charlotte and they didn't show them during the ceremony. Probably because they both had iPads which I commend
Friday, May 18, 2018
I know he's made a successful career out of being a real life Better Call Saul but there is no way this guy goes to bed not fearful some goon is about to break his legs.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
I get the appeal of shoving together two loud mouthed attention seeking Italians does sort of make sense but I'd be honest...I'd never watch
Having this bombastic egotistical maniacally obsessed President is already enough for me, I don't need any more of that in my life. It also proves once and for all that Michael Avenatti's interest in this entire thing is purely a gigantic ego stroke and he never cared for the feelings of poor Stormy
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
The chances of a coastal elite like Trump living in a place like West Virginia is laughable but he does have a need to be surrounded by admiration and no place seems to believe that his cult of personality will pick them up out of their despair like West Virginia. After four years (or..gasp..eight) the people there will realize that there jobs aren't coming back, their meth problem is as bad as ever and Bob Huggins is still a gigantic man child.
But they may not look down on Trump's infatuation with Ivanka
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
But the fact that the Trumps decided to make a total spectacle out of it implies that this is a decision whose interest are only to stoke the egos of the few in charge.
Monday, May 14, 2018
Jared Kushner has gone from the great hope to the great hype to the great complicter (sp?) when it came to being the voice of reason within the administration. Not only has he not kept his end of the bargain of keeping the lunatic in charge somehow contained, he's complicit in the death of dozens in Gaza.
The movement of the embassy never seemed necessary and was only going to rattle the Palestinians for now good reason.. Seeing protests today was about as predictable as the sun rising over the Dead Sea while sitting atop Mount Masada
what was interesting, sort of, was that this might have been the first time we actually heard Kushner speak and as predicted he sounds like a cross between Kermit the Frog and a prepubescent child which is interesting since his Father in Law has the emotional makeup of a prepubescent child and Kellyanne Conway looks like a whiter Kermit the Frog with a head that is too big for her body.
anyway, I was happy to see that somebody (likely G-d) was shining a big light into his eyeballs during his miserable speech, trolling him for the murder of dozens because of his decision.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
The list includes moving the US Embassy to Jerusalem which, as far as an accomplishment goes is kind of empty
Leaving the Iran deal isn't much of an accomplishment
The release of prisoners and meeting with Kim Jong Un is a true accomplishment although the real accomplice to will be baes on the long term results of that meeting
But the rising approval ratings isn't example a presidential accomplishment nor is making "the economy great again"
Saturday, May 12, 2018
The best I've come up with is a cross between Kermit the Frog and Billy Crystal in The Princess Bride. She's got a head which is too big for her body, she wears off white on top of white, she has weird boney knees, she was legs which bow the wrong way and she has the smile of a psychotic nun. Oh yeah, she's a horrible person to boot.
Ivanka on the other hand is like Beavis and Butthead, she never ever looks at the camera correctly and always will look right. I'm convinced her left side is weirdly transformed
Friday, May 11, 2018
The press is really out to get Big Huck...I mean she is a horrible human who has made a living out of lying and covering for an immoral scumbag, so not sure why anybody would be that surprised.
But one thing you notice is that almost every single photo you see of her is one where she looks like she is about to chow down on a Blimpie Best.
It's something about the way she opens her mouth that reminds you of the clown at the miniature golf course.
I'm not sure it's actually on purpose as she just has this gigantic oral cavity but look at any story about her and each one has her looking like she is huffing and puffing after she just ran up a hill.
It's like her huge mouth is a magnet for the camera. From Trump friendly to Trump unfriendly sites alike
Sent from my iPhone
Thursday, May 10, 2018
Our president is so thin skinned that it's been rumored for years that he devised up his run for President after feeling slighted by a joke about him by Obama at the White House Correspondence Dinner. Now we finally find out the truth, it wasn't Obama's joke that killed little Don, it was Seth Meyers. Apparently, Trump was so incensed by the slight that he wanted Meyers to make a personal public apology to him on Meyers' late late late late show which Meyers never did. The irony is that Seth Meyers is the Bill Cosby of comedy (minus the whole date rape thing). I've heard him speak a few times and he come across as a dad who wears socks with sandals and is stressed about the mortgage and making his kid's softball game. He's also on a TV show that nobody watches, yet Trump felt that this guy needed to grovel for his affection at 2am on NBC.
So anyway, using that theory about the butterfly from Jurassic Park, we have Seth Meyers to thank for President Trump. Good job
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Well now you can be your own Blade Runner (minus the gruesome murder part) with these new spring shoes from Enko. I have no idea how I feel about it as most people will just use it for their own running pleasure and unlike golf with it's stupid rules, getting and advantage in your own exercise is probably fine.
But really you will look like a jackass wearing these things, it reminds me of those sketchers they sold for a minute with the rounded bottom
Notice the staying power of those things.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
Well, good luck in fender alignment penitentiary, hope your five hole is well greased
Monday, May 7, 2018
Most people will look at Melania's anti cyber bullying initiative as more than a little inconsistent with her own life but we at TOR are more concerned with the stupid name this initiative holds. We get she's an ESL student but what the hell does Be Best mean? "Be Your Best" could make sense, "Be who you are" could be something but how does a kid who is being bullied rally around a campaign which is missing a basic portion of a sentence.
Maybe it's a weird code that she's using to signal to her friends that she's being held captive by a psycho path
Sent from my iPhone
Sunday, May 6, 2018
I get that things haven't gone well for America's Mayor (this third divorce, his fat son hates him, Trump passed on him for every cabinet position). But he does seem to be loyal and now has the inevitable position of defending the indefensible, maybe having somebody's arm up his ass is actually the best part of his year.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
I saw he got out of prison and went directly to Sixer game and he's personally close with Bob Kraft, so what I know about him isn't really redeeming. I also know that he's all over the paper and I was thinking of looking him up on Wikipedia but can't be bothered to actually go through the work to do that.
So instead I ask my loyal followers if anybody has any idea why this guy is being interviewed by Lester Holt
Friday, May 4, 2018
Outraged about the fact Trump golfed instead of attending the funerals of the Stoneman Douglass victims but this is where the anti Trump movement is so inconsistent. You know that if he did show up, it would be an absolute sh!t show and many people would want him nowhere near the burial of their child because of his utter lack of morality or compassion.
If he did go, he'd inevitably say something about how he got more people to come to the funeral than Obama ever could, how his electoral victory was so decisive, how the main stream media is mean to him or how Hillary Benghazi'd the uranium emails while falling down after tripping over the litany of sexual harassment allegations against Bill which were paid off by the Clinton Foundation.
Nobody would want him anywhere near the funerals but when he doesn't come they knock him, too. Listen, Trump sucks but he causes the least amount of harm when he's surrounded by rich old fat guys one his stupid golf course.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
But like everybody who was once close to Trump, they at some point find themselves on the outs and maybe this was Hannity's "you didn't get invited to my birthday party" memo
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Oh yeah, that was the normal looking doctor.
Trump's other doctor, Dr. Harold Bornstein who looks like a cross between the Dude and Walter gets his five minutes this week. First it came out that Trump's goons raided his office last year to clear out all medical records of Trump. Bornstein looks like he shouldn't have a barber license, let alone a medical one and he's the only one we were asked to trust to provide a bill of health for a 70 year old who has never turned down a Big Mac and has never once been on a treadmill
Then it was revealed that the glowing letter about Trump's great health wasn't actually written by Bornstein but instead dictated by Trump and then (maybe) signed by him.
This had to be the least surprising thing ever, considering the letter didn't speak about any actually medical information you'd expect to find like cholesterol, blood pressure or medical procedures but instead spoke glowingly about the health Trump was in and how he would be the healthiest person to ever be president. Whenever you see a letter about Trump with more than one adjective, it's likely something he wrote himself. This shouldn't surprise anybody since it's well established that "John Barron" would regularly call Liz Smith to give hints at the amount of poon Trump was getting that week.
But anyway, glad to know that Trump's medical records are now safely kept under lock and key by Schiller and the rest of the Gambino tribe.