Take on Kristen

Out of all the candidates vying for the democratic nomination, nobody does less for me than Kristen Gilibrand. Maybe it's the fact that she has never come across as authentic, even as she touts herself as exactly that
She's trying to get her social media game on with these weird tweets of her working out at a Hampton Inn which is fine but makes her look more desperately pathetic than genuinely down to earth. Something tells me that she didn't even stay there and just used it as a photo opp which is a shame since that would mean she can't take advantage of those make your own waffle things.

I'd be ok with her dropping out tomorrow and saving herself the time and heartache

Take on a golf cheat

If you asked me to give you one stone hard fact I knew about Trump, something I'd bet the house on, it would have been that he cheats at golf. Golf is a gentleman's game, a game of etiquette and honestly and those are attributes you'd never use when describing Trump.

All the ways that should describe a proper golfer is how you'd describe a proper president and there has never been a person whose broken the norm of both golfer and president quite like this

The two thing about this NY Post article is

- you know Trump will read it
- there is probably nothing that will irk him more than this.

Hilarity ensues.

Take on the Great Lakes

I wonder if Trump ever impressed himself with his big words. He tried to impress upon his MAGA audience that he's a big supporter of the Great Lakes as if they are a college basketball team which is an odd thing all together. Nobody seems to say they particularly support any part in nature like "I support the Great rocks in the gorge" but this is Trump and he thinks that he can stroke the ego of the people he's speaking with in some random method.

This is like "I support Salt Lake, it's a very salty lake, one of the salties lakes, record saltiness. Very very salty"

Take on homeless Steve

Steve Bannon has had a rough go lately. He got fired, called a fat slob by Trump and has seen the price of button downs increase which is twice as hard on him. It has seemingly gotten worse as now he looks like he's come town with a horrible disease. I'm not sure what the disease is but suspect it might be measles as he certainly would be an anti-vaxxer . One thing is for sure is that he looks more homeless than ever which, for Bannon, is quite a feat.
Can't believe this guy was in the White House just a few months ago as one of the most trusted advisors, if he was a tourist in D.C. they'd arrest him as he stood on a street corner screaming "9-11 was an inside job"

Take on Betsy’s cuts

We know Betsy DeVos is evil personified, this has been apparent since the day she hit the public stage. Hat we didn't know was that she would let her pureevilness come out in ways that would, so obviously, come across as tone death and petty. She cut the entire Special Olympics portion of her budget in order to decrease her department overall spending even if this was just a small portion of a rather large budget

But here is my hot take. Why exactly is the Special Olympiad being funded at all through the department of education? I don't agree with her cutting it but I wonder why this is not funded under another department or a separate line header.

But still Betsy, you suck

Take on the Trump Dump

So much for Trump taking a victory lap and then diving into the issues that divide our country. This jackass can't even get out of the way of his own (cooked up) good news as he attacks the main stream media. What he sees as an attack on him is really the free press doing what we want the free press to do, hold him accountable.
But Trump is now just a lame caricature
of himself, he's lost the pizzazz, he's lost the swagger and he's lost the cleverness as he just goes back to all the old stuff and it's just boring.

Come on, Don. You can do better than this. .

Take on Michael Avenatti

Michael Avenatti is Donald Trump. He's a self centered egotist who's never met a camera he didn't pander to. I get that he's helped to expose Trump but the more you read about him, the more you think that this was done for his own self service and anything it may have done for the country was purely peripheral.

He's now charged with a $20 million extortion scene, he was accused of battery not long ago, Stormy Daniels likely fired him and a bunch of the judge Kavanaugh accusers he was going to bring forward didn't exactly pan out.

The other day when I saw his name surface again, this time in connection to the R.Kelly thing, I honestly had to double check to see which side he was representing

Anyway, thank you for your service in bringing Stormy Daniels forward


Now please go away

Take on the Barr review of the Mueller report

Well that went down with a whimper. The Big Bob report delivered in a four page conclusion by Barr said that they found no Russian-Trump collusion although it went to the levels that it did not exonerate him. Of course William Barr is the handpicked attorney general who already wrote a manifesto saying that Trump could not have colluded but this certainly was not a good day for people convinced the president was paying footsie with Vladdy.
But still, until we see Mueller's full report, we won't really know. This four page review from Barr is just that..a review

Anyway, congrats Don, you live to fight another day. Maybe use this opportunity to actually do what you promised and bring the country together, stop the rhetoric and move towards positive progress for the country. Chances of that are similar to the chances you opted for the salad today at the turn after the ninth hole

Take on the calm before the storm.

Trump spent the day after Big Bob submitted his report to Rosenstein hanging with Kid Rock and for the first time in forever, Trump wasn't dressed like the biggest doochbag in a twosome

These two meatballs hanging out at some $250,000 entry fee country club tells you all that you need to know about the "real America" they claim to represent. Trump literally wears the same pair of black slacks and sweat stained polo every single golf outing and Kid Rock looked like he ate fifty ice pops, chased it with twelve Bud Lites and then puked on his pants.

Take on Fat Elvis

I love Elvis but recently I fell in LOVE with Elvis. It came from listening to a podcast and heard something that changed my mind


Elvis was obviously a great performer and he probably sang live thousands of times. Doing anything from Hound-dog to "can't help falling in love with you"
He invented the genre; he did it all from love songs to rock and roll

The guy was born to be a performer, maybe the best of all time. Women swooned over him, dudes swooned, too.

And he had hits and then he had songs that were bigger than hits. They were iconic. He changed music and he performed every night for decades

Some songs he loved, some he loathed, some he knew the fans loved, some they just liked and some he was apathetic to

But there was one song that destroyed him.


He comes into a studio one night at like midnight as the record producer had a new song he had to record, he stumbles through it because he's drunk and basically nails it on the first take including this weird middle bridge section where it's sort of spoken word

He hates the song, it's depressing but whatever they are paying him, he's loaded (financially) and likely loaded. It's just another tune in a catalogue of hundreds and he'll dutifully sing it when the set lists calls for it

It's the late 70s I guess, he's gotten fat and sweaty and disgusting and his marriage to Pricilla is falling apart. Basically he's banging all the tail he can get his fat sweaty hands on and she is too but one day she tells him that she's fallen in love with somebody else. The cheating he can deal with but the fact that she gave her heart away, he can't.

The divorce is Hollywood messy I guess, but whatever he's The King and there are thousands of chicks as hot as Pricilla and he's in Vegas nightly with chicks throwing panties at him while he's tits deep in the all you can eat buffet.

And one night right after he got the call fromPricilla that she is leaving him, the set list calls for Are You Lonesome Tonight and he rocks the first two minutes. He's going low baritone, he's crescendoing up as he hits the chorus and the fat chick love it. But finally he gets to that middle part, the weird spoke word section. It speaks about the singer asking his lover if she is lonesome now that he's gone and for every other sappy love song this fat fuck has to sing, for all the weird choruses and bridges, this is the bridge that breaks him

He gets to the part and starts laughing. This is the deepest part of the song, the part where Vader reveals that he's Luke's father. This is it. And he freezes and can't finish it and starts going gibberish.

The next night the set calls for it again and he falls apart
The next night he starts doing B-I- n-g-o and bingo was his name when he can't hold it together



Think Chuck Knoblauch, think Mackey Sasser

He can't hold it together, he's laughing and crying and spitting lasagna all over the stage and it's just odd

This is the King and he can't finish a lame song and he can't explain why and he goes and tries it night after night convincing his backup band and the guys paying the bills he can get through it and he can't. Every. Single. Time that spoken word comes on he starts blubbering

People say drugs, hamburgers and living a fast life killed The King but it was Pricilla who broke him and Are You Lonesome Tonight was the candlestick.

Take on the private messaging apps

I have to say it's a bit disconcerting to know that the people with some of the hugest classification levels in our government negotiating for world peace use the same methods of communication that I do when I ask a colleague in Belgium to bring me some chocolate when he comes next month. 

Jared Kushner seems to be engaging in the public business on a private communication thing that his daddy in law railed Hillary on for years and somehow the GOP has gone silent.   Hannity will literally pick up the private email server twice a month as his lead story but Jared communicating with MBS over WhatsApp is like the tree in the forest over at FoxNews

But what was more disturbing was the following from article

Mr. Kushner and Ms. Trump do not appear to be the only current or former White House officials in Mr. Cummings's sights for their personal email use. He wrote on Thursday that he had also obtained documents apparently showing that K. T. McFarland had used a personal AOL account for official business while she served as deputy national security adviser and that Stephen K. Bannon had done the same while a White House adviser.

You are telling me that a senior official in the White House was using AOL to conduct business??  Why the hell are we stuck in 1998?!?   Next you are going to tell me that Flynn used his Friendster account to communicate with Roger Stone

By the way, in China everybody uses WeChat now, WhatsApp is like the Facebook to WeChat's Instagram

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Take on Trump’s McCain take

Poor Trump, nobody ever gives him credit for anything. Not the great economy, the great unemployment rate, the great infrastructure projects, the great wall, the Great Gatsby or the great funeral he authorized for John McCain. The issue with Trump is that he steps all over his own message and he doesn't even realize it, he went to a tank company to tout manufacturing and the military and instead used his time to knock a true American military hero. But one thing is for sure, we know that when Trump get irked, there is something about to drop and I'm not talking about his ball sack. He must have inside knowledge that Mueller is going to expose him for the fat cheating slob that he is and there is nothing he can do about it

Take on the MySpace decade of information loss

MySpace lost a decade worth of user data and I think it is fair time to thank them for the community service. Truthfully, most things that people post on social media platform are forgettable and the things that are not are littered with things we wish we could hide. I can't think of a single post I've made online that I'd like to have anybody look up a decade later and I'm not even somebody who uses traditional social media platforms.

It would probably be a great service if Facebook deleted everything anybody posted five years ago. Just a constant cleanup of old messes with anything that hits the five year mark instantly deleted from all recorded history.

I'm just hoping somebody corrupts the Friendster database, god knows what's stored there.

Take on Devin Nunes’ ludicrous lawsuit

Devin Nunes has always been a slimy little worm but his actions today show us that he's also an ultra sensitive spineless wimp. He got upset at Twitter for some kind of shadow banning ordeal which got his panties in a bunch and then got pissy because somebody was mocking him with a "Devin Nunes' mom" account. Nunes got so pissy that he sued Twitter for $250million which seems sensible since he will likely soon be out of work when his Kremlin ties are outed.

I think he's just upset that Lindsey Graham is now Fat Donald's favorite and Devin is desperately trying to get back on top as number one fluffer.

Take on stinky Lou

When I saw Trump retweet some Lou Dobbs clip with Diamond and Silk, my first thought was this should be captioned wish "who are the four least likable people in America". Trump's menacing grin staring at Old Lou screaming at the top of his lungs looks funny especially as the two ladies look like they are sitting in the room trying to figure out who farted. The answer, of course, is the one who farted is Old Lou. The flatulence problems
of Dobbs is legendary from his old Space.com days and even the Trump avatars looks uncomfortable.

Take on Trump’s cold take on White nationalism

In what alternative universe does Fat Donnie live? He said Friday that White Nationalism was not a rising threat even after 49 Muslims were killed in New Zealand and months after the Pittsburgh synagogue, the shooting of black parishioners in South Carolina and the entire Charlottesville scenario. If these were brown and black men shooting at white Christians, Trump would call for a national emergency but when it comes to defending anything other than his pervasive world view of "good people on both sides" he's using the bully pulpit in embarrassingly irresponsible and reckless ways

If there is anything that becoming more obvious is that we have a rising threat from extremists and most of them recently seem to be emboldened by our president not criticized.

Take on the pathetic Mnuchin tweet

You gotta feel for Mnuchin. He had a tweet today in response to a New York Times article about a potential conflict of interest which they said may impede his impartiality in the China trade talks.

I don't feel bad for Mnuchin for anything other than the fact that the head of the treasury posted something today and got a total of 32 likes and14 retweet's. Even we at TOR get more likes for some of our imbecilic worldviews and hot-takes but this guy has more power and influence than just about anybody in the country and he can't convince morethan a couple of people to so much as touch their screens showing some support.

Wait till Trump sees this.

Take on the Facebook outage

Facebook and Instagram were down most of yesterday and employers immediately saw a 40% bump in productivity. There really is nothing better than seeing this behemoth get cut down to its knees and make all the InstaCelebrities miserable. Tons of influencers weren't able to influence which means that people had to choose their own sneakers and eye shadow.

What I'm still shocked at though is that anybody still does Facebook, I know they cook their daily usage numbers by counting people who use Facebook to sign into other apps and they likely are Instagram and WhatsApp numbers to their totals but the idea of Facebook has to be so outdated now. From what I hear the place is a great oral cesspool after the Trump election and there is nobody who does it anymore under the age of 30 which basically makes it a black hole or grandmas, anti-vaxxers and dudes trolling for those same grandmas and antivaxxers.

Please god end this entire misery

Take on the college entrance scam

I'm trying to wrap my head around this college entrance scam and find the entire thing amazing. It's amazing in the sense it's caught up in its net a bunch of celebrities and well heeled business leaders. It's amazing in that fact that it seems so audacious in its delivery and it's amazing in the fact there somebody would be dumb enough to spend $1.2 million dollars to have the privilege of spending another $1 million at Yale.

$2.2 million dollars to attend Yale?? I've been to New Haven and these Southern California kids are going to mighty disappointed when they realize the weather sucks, the people are ugly and most importantly they've gotten into a school where they are now likely the dumbest kid there.

Then again this entire thing has been happening for years (see Kushner, Jared) with wealthy parents donating casts sums of money to get their bratty waspy rich kids into schools they have no business attending but of course this won't captivate anybody's attention

Let's see Ivanka and Don Jr's high school transcripts to prove they got into Wharton with help from papa and Eric Trump's showing how he got into Rowan

Take on flying high

The guy who is suppose to lead us through the early part of the 21st century's doesn't use email and doesn't have a computer. This isn't some funny George Bush doesn't know how much milk costs thing, this is literally the leader of the free world shunning technology because he thinks he's smarter than everybody. He went on twitter today to tell the world that computers guided planes are a hazard ignoring two major facts

- his own plane is like a flying Deep Blue
- commercial plane accidents are down by great numbers since we stopped solely relying on humans. I still hear about a fair amount of single engine gun planes crashing into lawns.

But then again, who can be surprised by anything this moron does? He is literally one the least intellectually curious people alive

Take on a genuinely good Trump idea

Although it only happens once a quarter, we have to give a Trump credit when he comes up with a good idea and his thought of making Daylight Savings Time permanent is one of those.

I can't quite understand the idea of not using it full time, you inconvenience the entire country and puts 300 million people in a miserable mood all for a bunch of farmers. But the farmer argument doesn't even that makes no sense. A cow has no idea what time it is, actually you disrupt their regular sleep cycles by making them adhere to some artificial clock change. As for dark mornings, this is all just state of mind. Let the 1% of the country who farm land adjust. Maybe start about 2 minutes later every day in the winter and start cutting back 2 minutes each spring time. They would likely not even notice but it would do great things for the rest of us who basically live our lives in darkness for them. Our productivity goes to hell, depression sky rockets and kids watch more TV

Let's make this happen.

Take on the heavy president

Another weekend, another unflattering photo of the cheeseburger in chief. Big Don was caught at his crappy golf club not wearing his manssiere and his titties were flopping in the wind. Add to that his gigantic polo shirt and his matted down hair and he looked more like your Alzheimer's ridden second uncle than the leader of the free world.

Somebody get him a bib, he looks like he is starting to drool our his oatmeal

Take on the #FakeMelania

We are fully aware that the idea of a #FakeMelania will send us down a rabbit hole which when done  will have us believing that 9/11 was an inside job, vaccinations cause autism, the moon landing was staged and aliens landed in Roswell but I'm willing to entertain the thought because it's a lazy Saturday and I'm stuck at a 2 hour swim meet.

The idea of Melania using a body double is not a new thought, what is though is how often she seems to be using one.
Here are the telltale signs that Trump is not with his wife

- the fake Melania is about six inches shorter than the real one.
- the fake one never takes off her sunglasses even st somber events like visiting the crosses in Alabama of the tornado victims
- the fake Melania will clutch her "husband's" hand while the real one is often seen slapping it away
- the fake Melania will walk next to Trump while the real one walks two or three steps behind
- the fake Melania shows some affection for Trump, the real one sleeps in a separate bedroom
- the fake Melania bounds down the steps of Air Force One, the real one walks like a runway model, very deliberately
- the fake Melania has a square jaw, the real one a more rounded one


It's likely just TinFoilHat fodder but whatever, I choose to believe

Take on Trump’s Asian lady friend

When Adam Schefter tweeters after Robert Kraft got caught getting his little Tommy pulled by a "masseuse" he said that Kraft want the biggest name in the story. We had a bit of fun trying to think of a much bigger name than Kraft who is arguably the most recognizable sports owner today. There would be athletes who are bigger stars (LeBron, Steph, Tom Brady) but they all seem like goody twoshoes. Guys like ARod or Kobe are possibilities. In terms of the non sports stars there are a couple of entertainers and business men but the list isn't thousands of people who have more bane recognition that Kraft who is likely the most recognizable owner int the most popular sport and whose team has done nothing but dominate. So that leads me to think the bigger name is somebody in another stratosphere and the chances of it being Trump hover somewhere around 99%. His only saving grace could be that he's not into Asian girls. Maybe he prefers | to -

Take on Hypocrump

Dopey and Mopey did it again. These two knuckleheads can't seem to stay out of their own way and come across as gigantic hypocrite in their quests to please daddy. Nobody has ever accused Eric Trump of being all that bright, so that fact that he would get caught up in something as asinine as hiring undocumented workers while he rallies against the practice isn't shocking. Don Trump jr. is likely the the smarter one..the Beavis to Eric's Butthead..so he getting wrapped up is slightly more shocking or is it??


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Take on $420k worth of payments for $130k worth of hush-money

There was something about the Cohen testimony to Congress which seems to not add up incomplete and we didn't hear anybody ask.  Maybe because to Republicans because it implies further misdoings , maybe to Democrats it blows a hole in their story or maybe the story isn't complete but something doesn't add up.  

If Stormy Daniels was paid $130,000 by Cohen why was Cohen paid way more than that by Trump?  We won't speak of Trump's business acumen but one thing is known, he is not one to pay for something unless he gets what he thinks he's paying for and if anything he is known to underpay contractors not overpay then. 

See Cohen received 10 payments of $35,000 and one of $70,000 which would total $420k.  Stormy was paid $130k in hush money.  

Of course he would have to pay taxes on it would have netted him around $210k+ and that is if Cohen filed honestly at the top rate and didn't use some legal loophole.    

What this tells me is that I'm sure there were other deeds that Cohen performed and don't think this is the playboy bunny payoff as it's not been referenced in connection with these specific payments.    What were those other payments for and what deeds have not disclosed and are they potentially incriminating?

Time to get on this Mueller?
 

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Take on the 48 hours after the Hanoi summit

Fourth Eight hours after leaving Hanoi, Kim Jong un's government started rebuilding banned long range weapon site and if you didn't realize they this two bit fat snake was not to trusted, you know now. This is the issue with trying negotiate with a egocentric. narcissistic is that guy never know where the line is
But Trump told us that he and Kim exchanged beautiful love letter and made passionate love under the globe of nuclear weapons and now both have two heads and a shrinking sack.

Take on the deranged lunatic licking the American flag

I thought defacing the Stars and Stripes was an offense but yet the official White House twitter account posted a photo from CPAC 2019 of Dear Leader dry humping the American Flag like it's a cutout of Ivanka. His face is that if a deranged lunatic on 42nd street with a shopping cart full of cans and he's sweating like a guy who just did an eight-ball and followed it up with a Red Bull.
The entire event Trump was getting louder and sweatier and his face was getting redder like some kind of Korean dude after a night of Soju and a couple of Viagras.

Take on Trunp’s take on why he North Korean talks collapsed

Trump is now blaming the Cohen testimony as to why the talks in Hanoi fell apart last week. I'm not totally sure how you get from one to another but as Trump's mantra of the Buck Stops Somewhere Else indicates he's not at all interested in taking any responsibility. This is where he gets it wrong, unlike the rest of the world and I actually liked the walk and not for the Hannity poor Reykjavik analogy. I liked the walk because the poor deal he would have signed was likely one to distract from the Cohen testimony. Trump is so ADD that he needs to have the national dialogue changed immediately and you could easily have seen him sign a bad deal with Kim just to grab the headlines away
If I were advising Trump, I'd point to the fact that he traveled 8000 miles to get there, had promised us a deal, could have tried to take the spotlight and still walked. This was the best thing he could have done considering how pot committed he must have felt and his inaction was a win as he would have otherwise likely given away the store just for his instant media fix.

Take on the odd banner Chinese item.

When you leave China, you walk through a customs hall and are met with a huge sign with prohibited articles and items that should be declared. It's got photos of cultural relics, RMB in excess of 20,000, US currency in excess of $5000 or a bunch of gold. This is all sort of normal for somebody who travels around the world but there was one photo had me confused. See in addition to not being able to walk out with a cultural relic, you also can't bring back an elephant.

I've brought some interesting gifts back from my trips and have overstuffed my suitcase but I can't remember trying to shove a gigantic mammal into it

Take on the Family Circus

Is there anybody who would think that had Trump not been president, he would have had any chance to get security clearance? The nepotism in the White House is worse than at any time in our recent history and Trump has filled positions with people who are woefully unqualified and potentially dangerous because of how compromised they likely are.
Jared Kushner seems to have no ability outside of bending to the will of MBS likely because he's highly indebted to him. On the other hand, Ivanka is so completely incompetent and has so many weird physical tics that watching he talk is like watching a flea infestation on a dog. Every time she speaks, she looks down to the right side as if reading what she will say looking for clues that will allow her to speak just vaguely enough as to not say anything. She will then brush her perfectly cut hair to the side with her hand and then as she begins to speak she will again look off to the lower right. It's so distracting