Thursday, August 30, 2012

Take on the wallmart alert

I don't need an alarm clock to wake up, don't need somebody to tie my
shoes and sure as hell don't need to be notified of every movement a
pack of socks I ordered online makes but somehow Walmart decided that
this is something I want. Last week when I ordered something i
started getting text messages alerting me of the status
I don't mind getting an email confirmation but who needs to be
bothered with a buzzing sound when my package hits the local UPS hub.
There are so many things we deal with I'm more than content leaving
package tracking to a less invasive process

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Take on Erasure

Cathy No who runs a pseudo-blog/Internet forum available by invitation only mentioned listening to Erasure early today and asked if I'd ever been.  I told her I did and that it was quite possibly the gayest thing I've ever been apart of (NTTIAWWT) and that's coming from a guy who served as a minister of a gay wedding, talks about women's shoes constantly and went gay bar hopping with a friend (chick) a few years ago where I saw a dude's unit which literally hung to his knees.
 
It was probably 1999 right after the Cowboy album came out which is probably remembered as the gayest Erasure album of all time -which again is saying a lot- for those who have not had the fortune of listening to it, I could describe it as a song and synthesizer made to sound like unicorns jumping through rainbows while angels and fairies dance around a pond.   Now I was no stranger to New Wave concerts having seen Depeche Mode that same year and the combo of Boy George, Human League and Howard Jones a few weeks before that.   I owned every Kon Kan CD, every Anything Box album and every Pet Shop boy song at that time so I knew what I was getting into..
 
Well regardless of my knowledge of what I was getting myself into, when I walked in to Radio City I was met with a wall of gay I'd never seen before.. there were dudes in chaps without pants on, there were dudes in cowboy boots and a thong, there were dudes wearing shirts so short and tight they looked like a running-bra, dudes were slapping each other on the ass, guys were wearing more makeup than Boy George did, there were dudes giving each other BJ's in the aisle,   Between all the male ass I saw, the total disregard of privacy during hand-jobs and the smell of sweat I felt like I was in the sauna a NYSC..   During Always which is quite possibly the gayest song off the gayest album from the gayest musical group there were literally orgies happening on the velvet seats and everybody thinks Eagles fans are bad during the draft.. 
They played for like 2 hours and then a bunch of my buddies went to the after-party where I think they met Vince Clark and Andy Dick but believe it or not I was Erasured out by that time..
 
Great show by the way.. would do it again

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Take on the transit check

My company has always offered TransitChek to help pay for commuting costs.   It used to literally be these huge ridiculous paper checks that you had to present at a window to get a buspass or a metrocard but they've since upgraded to these handy prepaid VISA cards.  Not a bad concept since you get a prepaid value of $100 or whatever on them and you use them until your balance hits zero.. the issue I have is that when you hit zero you just throw it into the garbage which is a gigantic waste...literally and figuratively.
 
Every month the lady working in HR gives every person at my office a new prepaid card, she records who got which card and when it was given out and how much money was on each one, the next month she washes, rinses and repeats.    Why can't they figure out a system when every person gets their card and TransitChek just automatically adds to it each month, this way you aren't literally giving out cards every month.  
The HR department could just go online and just enter
Mr. Righetti jr. would like to add $120 
Mr. Righetti sr would like to add $130
Mr. Francessa would like to add $80
Mr. Moishe would like to add $0 because the private buses don't take it 
 
this would be easy and efficient.  I have no doubt the cards can take the abuse since the life of a credit card is easily 2 years before the numbers on the front and back strip start wearing out..

Monday, August 27, 2012

Take on the bachelor party after-effects

I have gotten old and nothing proves that more than the fact two days after a weekend bachelor party I still feel like dog-crap.   Sadly though it's not some prolonged hangover being that I probably had 4 total beers and no shots.  I am still shot because as part of the activities I got to share a room with a few buddies and an oversized panda.  I hit the pillow at 1AM and I sweat i stared a hole into the ceiling because the panda snores like a goddamned machine gun.  
Sleeping (or trying to) next to an animal suffering from sleep apnea is complete torture because the noises that came out of this thing were like trying to fall asleep with a dripping sink except instead of a drop ever thirty seconds it sounded like somebody turned on Niagara Falls




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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Take on the 145th street escalator


For 10+ years I have taken the uptown D train and transferred at 145th street for the last leg to the GWB on the A and for 10+ years I have noticed that the escalator is out of service.  Now I don't really care since I've never had to actually go up to the street level at this station bit it is telling that for all those electronic signs, red vests and extra large rats the MTA likes to hang its hat on, they can't seem to ever get a simple escalator working
Then again maybe it's all part of Bloomberg's plan to get Spanish Harlem into shape


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Saturday, August 25, 2012

Take on the new MTA public service ads

You gotta love those public service ads on he trains,  you know those MTA beauties with little stick figures giving dire warning against riding between cars or giving to the homeless.    Well the latest one is one warning strap-hangers from standing too close to the platform edge as you boils get killed by an oncoming train.  Pretty solid advice I would say although it has to rank up there with 'look before your cross the street' or 'wrap up before you bang a Brazillian prostitute'. 
The thing is although this is nice advice, I can't imagine anybody reading this thing and thinking 'woe that is really good information, I should not do that anymore'    My guess is out of the 147 accidents, 145 of them happened to some drunk kid or some strung out meth-addict

The other two were probably pushed by homeless people.    

If you are falling down drunk I doubt a little sign is going to make a difference so the only one they are protecting are the ones getting shoved by the craze homeless dude so maybe they should change the sign to say. "stay away from the edge when a dude who smells like rotting flesh with 3 huge hefty bags full is walking on the platform'



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Friday, August 24, 2012

Take on the broken coffee pot

I am no engineer but would think that after 10000 years of modern
civilization we could have figure out how to make a coffee pot by now.
I don't care if you are in Boston, Paris, Hong Kong or NYC, I have
yet to find one which actually pours directly from the spout into a
cup without having the ants and cockroaches feel like they have to
pair up. There is just something wrong when an act as seemingly
simple as pouring into a cup turns into a complete clusterfuck but
that is what happened today when I managed to get more coffee on the
counter, on the floor and the front of my pants than actually inside
the confines of the porcelain

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Take on the new breed of meter maid collectors

Is it just me or does it feel completely shady every time you see a
parking meter collector? These guys walk up to the meter with a huge
set of janitor keys, open up some compartment and all of a sudden it
sounds like they hit a jackpot in AC. The thing is that they don't
wear any kind of NYC uniform, the dude today was sporting a straight
bill baseball cap, a brown tshirt and a pair of baggy shorts, he was
dressed like he should be hanging out on the boardwalk but instead
collects thousands of dollars per day.

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Take on the dirty gyro

Once or twice per week I have indulged in one of the true delicacies
of New York City, the dirty gyro. There are a number of carts city
wide but for my dollar (well $4) there is no one better than Mr Kahn's
up on 45th street. He piles the meat high, his lettuce is green and
the pita is fresh. A buddy used to say that it was the best $4 you
could spend because you filled up for lunch and it came back to you
for dinner so it was like getting two meals for the price of one.
Well today some old-hag decided to ruin my day by jumping the curb,
hitting a hydrant and slamming her foreign car into these patriots who
sweat over a burning hot griddle to make sure the white-collar workers
of America are fed so they can make sure the banks and insurance
companies run smoothly

I'm hoping to see these two guys back on their corner tomorrow because they
make the best piece of processed lamb this side of the Mediterranean

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Take on Dodd Frank

We have a lot of issues with over-regulation and a lot with under
regulation and feel like there is probably a happy medium somewhere.
This editorial board never felt Dodd-Frank properly accomplished this
for both what they left off and what they tried to babysit to a fault
But one thing that came out of that WR did appreciate, I believe as
part of a consumer protection they are making credit card companies
show exactly what paying the balance off in small increments could
really mean.
I won't excuse poor decision making or an inability to live by a basic
budget but for somebody who is very careful to limit m debt and live
within my means I thought this small addition to my statement was a
welcome and worthwhile addition

Knowing that it would cost me an additional $400 over four years to
pay off a $750 bill should tell even the most careless spender that
the flat screen they bought on sale has very quickly turned into a
pretty bad deal

We believe that there is a place for some regulation to avoid the
cluster of 2008 but it can't be done to the detriment of a healthy
economy and there is always a place in government for consumer
protection and protection of health, environment, food and drugs

Monday, August 20, 2012

take on Bank of Idiots

When I had to transfer my car's registration from one state to another, I was sure having to deal with the DMV would be the most frustrating portion of the transaction.   Although this cannot be a very complicated manner since people move regularly, the thought of having to deal with two seperate DMV's was beyond frightening..   Well I was (un)pleasantly surpised when the DMV portion seemed to be fairly straight forward and easy.. not because the DMV has made it so easy but instead because the Bank who holds the title of my car is run by a bunch of idiots.

I sent over all the relevant information to Title Support at Bank of America three weeks ago.. It was a pretty simple request, one which I assume they get often but one that they can't seem to perform easily.   Two weeks after I put in my request I still had not heard back from DMV and when I called them they told me they were still waiting for my bank to send the title.  I called Bank of America and after being ping-ponged around their automated system and finally speaking to a rep, I was handed over to the property title division which apparantly is NOT the same one which handles car titles.  They finally get me to the right spot after three transfers and a bunch of hold times and I speak with a guy who informs me that they tried to reach me last week but the phone number on my request was incorrect.    I asked them the number they had on record and they gave me a mangled version of my own.   Now I can understand that we can have typos and user error but I've been a Bank of America customer for 20 years having gone through the Fleet and NatWest versions so you would think that somewhere in their entire system which includes checking account, savings account, car-loan account they would be able to cross-reference my account and get my cell-phone number, work-number or email address from somewhere, God knows they send me enough junk mail and spam.
anyway they told me they'd call me back within 2 days to settle this...
fast forward five days and surprise surprise I still have not gotten any call from my dear friends over at BoA...  I call over there again and after doing the automated jumble again finally speak with some broad who tells me they tried to contact me on Wednesday but that the number was wrong..  these jackasses corrected the number on the request but STILL CALLED THE INCORRECT ONE.
absolute idiots.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Take on the new NFL uniforms

As disgusted as I was watching this woeful Jets offense last night
during beatdown they received on the hands of the Giants during the
annual pre-season battle, the only thing that kept me from throwing my
beer at the TV was the fact my eye kept getting distracted by these
new terrible uniforms. The fit is fine, the colors are adequate but
what really bothers me is the little Nike swoosh on the shoulder,
it looks like you are watching the game through a mirror. I know the
NFL signed some billion dollar deal with Nike to outfit their players
but even for a billion dollars they still look like their made in
China.

Whenever they show a player's right shoulder the swoosh looks is
reversed and it looks ridiculous. I figure they are trying to make
the uniform balanced so that both sides look identical but if that is
the case they would also have to reverse the number on that shoulder
which they (obviously) didn't do. So they are hoping to have their
fans spend $60 to $400 for jersey's and they will all look like they
are knockoffs, real smart!!!

Next time they do one of these uniform designs maybe they should bring
in the average asshole to give them some advise

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Take on the gangbang teacher

When I read (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2189883/Brittni-Nicole-Colleps-Teacher-guilty-orgy-students.html?ito=feeds-newsxml )that Brittni Colleps the 28 year old teacher who let a bunch of her 18 year old students gang-bang her got 20 years in the can I have to ask three vital questions

1-where is the justice??

How can a teacher be punished for teaching kids about the beauty of the female body.  She should not have been fired This was a sex-ed, biology gymnastics and geometry class all rolled into one and she should be commended for spending time after school taking these kids on that class trip

2- where the hell were these teachers when I was in High School?

Not only was this teacher smoking hot she was also super slutty  We had a couple of decent looking broads but there is nothing in my experience where anybody was offering an opportunity for extra-credit as except for the two of three half way decent ones the rest of them all looked like they've taken a number of dodgeball to their faces but none of them ever gave off the impression that you could come clean off their chalkboards after 3pm

3 what the hell is with year intentional misspellings of names.  You mane your kid Brittni the best thing you can expect is for her to get double-teamed by the football team 



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Friday, August 17, 2012

take on the AM New York vendors

I've worked in NYC for about 15 years and commuted from a place other than Manhattan for about 12 of those and can proudly say that in those nearly 3000 commuting days, I have read AM New York less than 10 times.  It's not that I'm anti tabloid newspaper (as I read the Daily News fairly regularly and will check out certain sections of the Post to make sure I'm up to date on my fashion trends and celebrity gossip) but have yet to feel like I need to regularly pick up the free one that homeless people hand out as you walk in and out of train and bus stations.   I'm not squeamish generally but anything handed to me by a person whose last shower was probably in the 90's is just not something I do especially since I don't typically wash my hands before I grab an egg-and-cheese from one of the grease trucks around the corner from my office.   I do applaud them from having jobs and quite frankly I'm impressed by it but just haven't come around to reading their rags.   I have though taken note on their selling techniques, this morning for example one dude up at the bus terminal on 175th street sang "AAAAAM  NEWWWW YOOORK" which was a fairly pleasant method, the guy down on 47th-50th street subway stop kept yelling "take this paper so I can go home" and the guy by Port Authority likes to shove it into your gut like you are a running back taking a handoff.  There is a dude near Bryant Park who will tell you that if you don't take his paper he'll beat you with it and there is a dude downtown who sneezes constantly so you hope the paper has an article about curing Hepatitis because by the time you get to that section you will likely have gotten it.
 
 
 
 

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Take on the Cemetary

I't feels like I've been to way too many funerals in the last few years, some very big ones, others more intimate but one thing and all of them incredibly sad.   One thing which I always think about when I'm standing in some huge cemetery is that it really bothers me that the onlookers -myself included- are always crowding around to pay our final respects and inadvertently standing right on the closed graves of other people as we watch them lower the coffin of our fallen friend or relative into the ground.    It just feels so disrespectful that there are 50 people standing right on the plot where somebody was laid down for eternal peace and even more awkward when you see somebody leaning against a headstone or using it to hold their purse or jacket.
 
I know that cemeteries have gotten very crowded but really can't we find someway to have a funeral for somebody without standing 6 feet above somebody else?
 

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Take on the sped-up iTunes option

In general I like all thing Apple, the interface is clean, the
applications easily integrated and the operating system second to none
but there are a number of things which I don't quite understand. One
of these things is the ability to speed up the playspeed of a audio
file. I was listening to a podcast the other day while running and
all of a sudden it sounded like Jacob Goldstein turned into Alvin.
Now we all know he's got a terrible radio voice but having it sped
like he's ODing on crack up doesn't help.
I am all for efficiency but don't quite get the allure of this because
when would you ever want to listen to any recorded track at 1.5x
speed, it's enough to make you want to poke an ice pick in your
eardrum.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Take on the United States of Obesity

When a brand new map was released showing the states where you are
most likely to have to share part of your seat with a fellow because
their ass can't fit in their own space, TOR was asked to evaluate.
To no surprise to anybody places like NY and California had a very low
level of obesity while the south proves once again why the lost the
civil war. These slobs spend their entire time screaming about the
athletic accomplishments of young black football athletes while
spending no time making sure their own kids get off the couch. On top
of everything this is a self reported study and most slobs will
underestimate the amount overweight they are so I am sure that the
real numbers are easily twice as high.
But this is the beauty of this country where it is all about personal
responsibility except when it comes to health because these slobs are
the reason the price i pay at a buffet costs twice what it should

Monday, August 13, 2012

Take on the low trajectory fountain

Can somebody explain to me why the guy whose job it is to rig up water fountains doesn't set the trajectory of the water to a level where you can at least have a chance to hydrate without having to FrenchKiss the spout?   You have to contort your body like some Chinese Gymnast and then stick you tongue out hoping to get a few odd drops without actually touching the hardware 

The problem has always been that these low-spouting water fountains are always located in some public place so when which ensures you are basically sucking on homeless junky ass.  



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Sunday, August 12, 2012

Take on The double R

We've stayed away from the political commentary lately partly because it's lame, partly because we're not sure what perspective we are really adding and mostly because we are already burned out by yet another 'most important election' of my our lifetime
By with that said when I turned on NBC yesterday morning hoping to catch some of the Olympic archery I instead got some Mitt Romney rally where he announced Paul D Ryan as his running mate ensuring the ticket locks up the cranky white guy vote.   I am not sure how bold the move is on policy but it sure as hell wasn't bold when it came to trying to appeal to a broader demographic.  He could have gone with Marco 'don't call me Ricky' Rubio that weird looking Indian Mr Rogers or that one HP broad who gets mentioned during every search kind of like Denny Green. 

But never before have two whiter people stood on one stage together and my buddy Bump kept commenting about a very uncomfortable looking black couple sitting behind the stage and observed that they probably meant to go to the Obama rally but made a wrong turn. 

But really this was a bold move, sort of,  because the one thing Ryan has done is lay out an economic plan which four years into Obama we are still waiting for.  The two problem with Ryan's plan is that they say it would gut Medicaid and welfare which obviously won't help the ticket in the swing state of Florida and because he (like anybody else Mitt would have chosen by the way) will make the electorate realize how lifeless the top of the ticket really is

Then again maybe he uses his 
middle initial to try to sway the old people back



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Saturday, August 11, 2012

Taking on body sushi

I walk past a sign offering body sushi and I am always more than just
a bit intrigued. I mean I combines two of my favorite things and
basic algebra tells me a positive times a positive is a positive.
The problem is that every time I bring it up as a place to meet for
lunch during work I get nothing but weird looks and push-back. My
friends complain about hygiene but the place has an A rating by the
city, they say that they don't want to combine eating and other
indulgence but even that is a weird complaint because we would drink
and gamble at the same time. At least in this case you know where
your tuna's been or at least where it is now.

Friday, August 10, 2012

take on the gay letter

saw the letter of the father disowning his gay-son which has made the interwebs this week and really find that it's becoming more depressing to read the papers every day..   I'm still kind of confused where in the Bible/Torah/Koran it says that we should hate and outcast people but I'm admittedly not a biblical scholar 

"James: This is a difficult but necessary letter to write. I hope your telephone call was not to receive my blessing for the degrading of your lifestyle. I have fond memories of our times together, but that is all in the past. Don't expect any further conversations With me. No communications at all. I will not come to visit, nor do I want you in my house. You've made your choice though Wrong it may be. God did not intend for this unnatural lifestyle. If you choose not to attend my funeral, my friends and family will understand. Have a good birthday and good life. No present exchanges will be accepted. Goodbye, Dad."
I get that there are different generations but what I don't understand bigotry especially when it comes to disowning your own kids but I guess people have disowned one another for similar things in that past..  Then again this is a culture which will gorge themselves on chicken to show how much they love Jesus/hate gays and who will damn gay people to hell for ruining the sanctity of marriage while going through their third divorce for infidelity.   
Although I did read the following commentary which I thought was appropriate on how he should respond

Dear Dad,
Since gay is a choice and I wasn't born with it I can only conclude that you and the environment you raised me in have resulted in my being gay. Thanks a lot for ruining my life and damning my eternal soul to hell.
Your Son
 

Thursday, August 9, 2012

take on chicks

Maybe it's the nature of being a dude but I can't believe chicks feel the same way.   I walk down the street and see something redeeming about almost every single chick I see walking by.    I'm not going to give you some carp about all of them being smoking hot or even attractive but every chick a dude sees is immediately analyzed.   I see an old chick and think…experienced,  a young chick and think an opportunity to get in on the ground floor,  a buttoned up chick and think kinky,  a slobby chick probably won't mind a facial, a Jewish chick will probably be as familiar with a bj as she is with matza, a spanish chick and think crazy, a skinny black chick and you think Halle Berry, thick black chick and you are playing mixed doubles with Serena Williams, fat chicks mean they probably have low self-esteem which means you can do just about anything, an Indian chick will try to make up for her sheltered childhood, a Hispanic will make you work for it,  Russian probably means she can put her legs behind her head, Asians girl -, white chicks well groomed, an ugly face probably means they're OK with the 5 hole,  chick with fat arms probably also has huge cans.  You know a chick with a kid puts out, a girl who's flat chested probably will know she has to make up for that deficiency in other ways, redhead and you wonder immediately if the curtain matches the drapes, a skinny chick might be like taking a thirsty dog to water, a chick with a big ass probably likes it doggy-style, an Irish chick probably means it won't  take more than a couple of beers although the Guinness Oven could suck,  thick legs might mean they can squat for a while, hair pulled back means she doesn't want anything in the way, hair down means they prefer a little peek-a-boo while going cowgirl, big nose and she might prefer reverse

 quite honestly the ones that are least intriguing are the super hot ones because you just know they're a wood plank in the sack.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Take on the anti-terrorism cake sale

Can somebody explain to me why there are three or our Port Authority
Cops stationed outside of random gates each morning in front of a huge
foldable table as if they were manning a bake-sale. I see it a few
mornings per week where a hand full of them are standing around
chit-chatting because which shouldn't w a surprise since they are
standing in front of a departure gate and the amount of traffic
LEAVING the city at 8:40AM is probably a 1000th of that entering the
city You can give me some jive about terrorism but explain to me why
a terrorist would walk up-to a gate at Port Authority, see a bunch of
cops checking bags and not change his mind and go to another gate.
It's not as if the cops are manning every single one, they just pick
random ones every morning to stake out (in full open view). If some
Saudi extremist with a plan to blow up a tunnel sees this, my guess is
he's not walking into the trap and is just gonna get onto another bus
because I don't really think their manifesto is specific to what
bus-line they are on

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Take on the dimebag

How much difference a decade makes, yesterday I walked down 40th street between 10th and 11th avenues which really is the armpit of the city.  It's right underneath the Port Authority bus ramps and it smells like rotting garbage, urine and homeless people and it may be the last place in the city with any grit left.   For most of these reasons I avoid walking down that block.   Well I did yesterday and as I did a small ziplock bag caught my eye.  This wasn't any ziplock but a really small one and it was stuffed full, the tension of the bag puling tightly over the greens   Maybe I've become lame, maybe I've stopped living or maybe I just don't give a crap but when I was 19 I would have picked it up, shoved it in my pocket and smoked it before I made it to the ferry.  Now I just looked at it and never thought about picking it up.  Maybe I rationalized it by thinking It may have dog piss on it or that today would be the day I get  pulled over but there was not one second when I thought about expending the energy to bend down.  I just couldn't care



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Monday, August 6, 2012

take on the Olympics

I dutifully watch the Summer Olympics every four years in amazement as
you see the culmination of years of hard work for these athletes.
But honestly some of these events are absolutely ridiculous.  I am a
fan of the traditional events like swimming, diving, track and field
and gymnastics and much less for equestrian jumping or badminton which
seem like sports for the horse or something you do while having a case
of beer
But what is most amazing is that there are certain events which I look
at in awe because of how well the athletes do it knowing I could never
get close in time like the butterfly or the 100 meter dash and then
there are others which I look at in awe because I can't begin to
imagine myself even being able to do the task and they are mostly
gymnastic events

I watch the 200 meter dash and I know I could do it, I'd finish in 30
seconds but i could literally finish it  but then you see the balance
beam and I know that there are almost no moves I could accomplish on
that thing except possibly walking on it.

The 400 meter back-stroke. Check.
The uneven bars... No chance
Basketball... Check
The high-bar.. Forget it
PingPong.. Check
The Rings. .Nope
The 1500 meter run.. Sign me up today but
The Vault  would vault me into a coffin

Even some track and field sports I'd never do like the Pole Vault
where I'd probably impale myself and although i could do the triple
jump I'd definitely pull a nut.  I'd never be able to do the Triple
Lindy yet could shoot a bow and arrow even if I don't hit the target every time
although if you ask me to aim my stream into a toilet I hit it most of the time

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Take on the self checkout machines

There really is nothing less efficient than those self checkout
machines at the supermarket designed to be more efficient. I am a
college educated, computer literate, veteran shopper and to this day,
the chances of being able to check out with a full cart of groceries
without the computer calling for help is about 20%. Between the
scanning and placing and waiting and holding, the entire process takes
easily twice as long as with a professional teller

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Take on the Enterprise Rent a Car gas policy

When I picked up a rental car this week, I had a ton of things on my
mind. Directions to my meeting, issues to discuss at the meeting,
appropriate greetings etc but like usual Enterprise made it more
difficult than necessary. They have this policy/scam where as opposed
to giving you a full tank of gas and asking you to return it full,
they give you some random quantity and ask you to return it with the
same.
It may not sound all that different but there is a huge one. It's
very easy to drive up to a gas station and ask them to fill it up,
it's almost impossible to guesstimate exactly how much money to put in
to get it to 5/8th full when it's sitting on 1/4 tank.
Since it is not your car so you don't know how many gallons it holds
or how sensitive the gas gauge is. So it's a guessing game. You go
over and you just gave Enterprise free gas if you go under and you'll
be banged for $5.25 replacement gas bill
Even if you can swallow this, the second problem remains something
else... If you return it short the next renter will start off at that
gas quantity which inevitably leads to me getting a car on empty. So
here I am trying to drive to a meeting with a car with no gas in
it...so I have to hit a gas station to add just enough gas to make it
to my meeting and back leaving the gauge to read about 2 millimeters
north of E

Yeah that's easy

Friday, August 3, 2012

Take on the in-app banner

When I downloaded a new app for my two year old, I was expecting it to
give me a few minutes of quiet during a long car-ride or a long dinner
at a restaurant. What I got instead was an even bigger surprise. The
new Teddy Bear game seemed innocent enough allowing toddlers to build
a bear like they do at the stores by choosing a color, stuffing it
with foam, selecting hats, dresses, shoes and eyewear. The weird
thing was that as my daughter was playing it, her dad was all of a
sudden much more interested in it than she was.
This free app designed and marketed for kids uses a combination of
methods for payment including in-app purchases and banner ads. I find
the in-app purchases a bit annoying as I prefer to pay for it up-front
but the banner ads never bothered me...until now
They had a scrolling ad of some hot chick sprawled along the bottom of
the screen. I didn't click on it but something tells me it wasn't
going to take me to Sesame Street. I hate marketing to kids as much
as anybody but at least a cereal or playhouse is (mostly) harmless.

It was as if the TeddyBear game was recruiting little girls to be strippers

I figure it's probably a generated ad, which picks up the word 'teddy'

Thursday, August 2, 2012

taking on the Jets beat reporters


There are probably 20 people in the entire world who this will mean
anything to other than me but one of the downfalls of twitter and our insatiable thirst for updates.   There is nothing more pathetic than watching the Jets reporters try to trump one another on 'breaking news' as the regular beat-writers are in a perpetual race trying to get to be first regardless how irrelevant the information.   I get that in 'news' there is a
premium on being first but following Rich Cimini and Manish Mehta is like watching two mental patients competing in a three legged race.
During training camp the two of them easily represent 60% of the stuff on my twitter feed and literally everything one guy 'breaks' news the other 'breaks' it two seconds later. 
 
9:15.05AM Mehta  "Sanchez gets sacked by Coples on the third play of 7-on-7 drills"
9:15.18AM Cimini  "Coples sacks Sanchez early on during 7 on 7 team drills"
 
The sad thing is that what they are breaking is usually the least important thing you have ever read like the waiving of some fifth-string safety, some unsigned offensive lineman tweaking a nut or just regurgitating what Rex said
 
Then the two of them (Mehta more than Cimini) will tweet out reviews from the day which are literally the same crap he's been tweeting all day.. 

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Take on the secret winner

I spend my entire day busting my ass to avoid the news and then it slaps me in the face like a right hook   I feel like avoiding Olympic results during the day could be considered an Olympic event on its own because you almost can't avoid getting results even when you try.   I get that it's a world event and that we cannot expect the entire Olympics to revolve around prime-time TV but it's very frustrating when you spend the entire day with the TV turned off, not listening to 1050, avoiding ESPN.com and basically just being a hermit only to walk through Times Square to see a huge Reuters billboard tell you that Michael Phelps lost the 200 meter butterfly to some SouthAfrican.  I get that sports are about storylines, triumphs, defeats, emotions and intrigue but really it is about results and watching something with what now is a script sucks 

I am forced to watch another episode of So You Think You Can Dance because at least I don't know the winner there




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