Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Bedouin Bowl

Walking on sand which were probably walked on by the Pharoah's, Moses and the Israelites, Cleopatra and Marc Anthony (the Roman not the crappy singer) plus countless nomads, travelers and Bedouins.

A few observations based on the teachings of the Great Book and another great book

1) It does not surprise me that Moses could be lost out in this desert, it is vast and awesome.

Although it surprises me that he was able to convince his people to follow him for so long. Then he leaves for 1 week to get those commandments and they all depart from the grand mission??? WTF man, what the hell, they follow him for 40 years and it takes 1 week for some guy to point out that "this jackass has no clue where the hell he is going"

2) It is very obvious where Spielberg got the inspiration for the scenes of Luke growing up with his aunt and uncle.. Seems like all of Chapter 4 could have been filmed here

Although many battles have been fought I believe that there have not been many football games played in the great desert until yesterday.

Bedouin Bowl #1

Got off to a flying start as the Habibis took an early lead when QB Mexsiki threw a bomb to Sugar Shane but the Makmoud's came storming back capping the game with a strike from Sini Ma to Stinky Headscarf to take game the first ever Bedouin Championship

Bedouin Bowl #2

Under much harsher conditions, the BB#2 took on an immediate sense of urgency as star WR for the Makmouds Sini Ma had retired and was replaced on the squad by rookie free agent CleoEfje who in her first action threw a TD. The spark she brought was not enough as the Habibis dominated taking the second championship 3-1.

We are on our way to Luxor.

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Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Racing across the desert at (almost) 100 miles an hour

So apparently this is actually NOT the Sahara desert but instead the Libyan desert, either way the Bedouin guides somehow race across this desert doing 120km/h and use only the sun, moon and stars for a GPS. They set up camp right after sundown, build a makeshift tent and start a campfire.

And then night falls, the only light are the stars, the food is prepared by wood fire and as you sit around a circle of Nomadic in the middle of the desert, eating rice, potatos and Chicken. You feel the gaze of the desert foxes on you, smell the dry air as they fire up the wood coal Huka, start singing Bedouin songs and all of a sudden your blackberry goes off and you get bombarded by emails about your fantasy team and you are thrust back into civilization.. Isn't technology great?

I am convinced that the biggest difference between men and women is most clearly seen when having to take a leak outside, as much as chicks dread the concept, dudes find it incredibly freeing and enjoyable. Nothing feels like more manly and natural than taking out the old garden hose and watering the plants (or sand).

I cannot stress enough how much Mr. Bush is hated in the rest of the world and how much damage Iraq has done to our standing in the world, the good news is that these guys are convinced that Obama is a secret Muslim, so we are going to be A-OK.

More later

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Monday, December 29, 2008

Whiskey Falls

On route to the Sahara in a beat-up 1976 caravan, packed to the hills with Whiskey Falls on the Ipod. Nothing like listening to country when you feel like you are not wanted in another country, especially when you can't even drown your sorrow is some whiskey... I won't be afraid but I do get a bit icky when the world moves at a pace I can't follow. Especially cause the driver took an inventory of each of our nationalities as we depart Cairo to spend 3 nights in the desert, sleeping under the stars on the border of Khadafi land

I can't remember the last time I felt so out of place anywhere in the world as I felt driving through the outskirts of Cairo this afternoon. Not exactly sure what the word for 'white guy' in Arabic is but I'm pretty sure it involves spitting on the windshield. I'm only half kidding when say that one of the major reason's I hate Bush is that I am sick of feeling the darts of hatred shoot out of people's eyes when I travel.

I am not naive enough to question why the rest of this world hates us although the Jon Bon Jovi tribute probably didn't help my own cause.

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Sunday, December 28, 2008

Egyptian Wedding

When do you realize a bad idea is.... a really bad idea?

Most of the time it is after the fact but honestly you have to admit that it usually occurs to you in the middle of the act. Like hitting on a hard 12, ordering a round of tequila in any situation or eating from a street cart in a third world country..

Then there is an even bigger mistake...doing a wedding striptease in a country where the women are covered head to toe while you pull a Hulk Hogan to your undershirt. So 5 minutes after you walk off the stage, soaked in sweat and your buddy tells you the crowd was horrified, this is when you think that islamic-american relations has probably been kicked back by about 5 decades.

All of us make mistakes but sometimes a mistake could and should have been avoided.. Like when I made the mistake of eating a swarma earlier today and then got the revenge of the Sphinx or at least the revenge of the uncooked meat.

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Saturday, December 27, 2008


Here is a list of things I hate about EgyptAir

1). Movie selection

Seemed like a collection of straight to DVD flicks all of them seem to star either Merrill Streep or Chris Kattan

2) The no booze thing..

11 hours without a few beers for a Righetti is like 11 hours with no air for you.

3) The stewardess' asses

Sitting on the aisle meant that everytime she walked past me that 2 seconds later my elbow was flicked off the arm rest by some size 18 bootie

4) Wake up call

WTF is wrong with you people.. They are so concerned you are taken care of that they wake you up in the middle of a Jennifer Anniston and Angelina Jolie catfight dream to hand you a piece of stale bread and an Evian. Why not let sleeping dogs lie, or at least sleeping Righetti's fantasize.

5) The Terminal

Cairo airport can most closely be described as the waiting room in Beetlejuice.. Everybody's got small heads and when you get your number it is 956235 and they just called number 12.

If they filmed that Tom Hanks movie here it from an above type security camera, it could have been called Ants. A million people squeezed into a small room with endless lines upon endless lines.

Plus they make you buy some $15 visa. I know why they do this (revenue) but the concept is stupid since they don't do a background check or investigation.. You give them $15 and they give you a sticker, feels kind of like going snowboarding; endless lines and some ridiculous amount to ride the lift.

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Friday, December 26, 2008

Egyptian Cotton

When you step off a plane in a third world country, you are almost always a bit shocked. The shock is not by the people, the conditions or the poverty but rather by the clusterf*ck what is the rest of the world. I am the anti Thomas Friedman when I tell you the world is not flat, it is an egg shape. There is no rhyme or reason to the speed of the rest of the world, nothing moves in predictable patterns, on regular schedules, in between the painted lines on the streets or with normal flowing toilets.

The crowds at the airport move to some kind of hidden beat in rotation through snaked lines where the lack of signs or directions seem like a rite of passage and the real expectation is that with a few $$$, you can rush past all of this chaos. The American dollar still has value, maybe not on the currency trading floors

I need a drink and I need a drink now

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Thursday, December 25, 2008

11 hours to Egypt in coach

There are only a few things that can be considered less miserable than flying over 10 hours in the back of an airplane but I am about to venture onto that miserable path.

I realize that I forgot

1) a handheld cell phone charger, so blogs might be spotty while I trek through the Sahara

2) Some good anti diarrhea pills cause I know the pain that can be third world cooking.

The issue with coach is of course that you are treated like cattle but secondly that there is just no place for a 6'2" dude to hide his legs, so I play games to get me through the flight.

When I flew to Taiwan, I never got out of my seat once, not to take a leak, not to get a water nothing. I got out of the plane and my feet looked like two sausages, I wish my other appendixes grew the same way..

I sat there refusing to get up with blood clots forming in my legs.. But I did it, screw 26.2 grueling miles through the NYC streets, this was 14 hours surrounded by stinky tofu, in a seat area of probably 4 square feet.

Bad life

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Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Road Trip Food

Is there anything better than road-food? I can think of only a couple of things!!!

See, when you are on a road trip all rules of healthy eating is out the window right in time to pull up to the drive through window.

But what I was explaining to a few friends who were (un)fortunate enough to be stuck driving 3 hours to CT on Christmas Eve was that there isn't a better meal than the Big Mac... Not only is it delicious but it is the perfect size for driving since it is the most burger you can hold in one hand while still keeping your car straight. I have perfected the ability to hammer a Big Mac while barreling down the highway at 65 MPH.

See you can't do this with a Whopper, because although it is delicious it is messy. The Big Mac is so compact that it is almost completely self contained and it packs a ton of punch. Eating a whopper while driving is a recipe for getting mayo on your pants and then everybody will think you didn't get road food but road.....

Now people will give you other options

Arbys tastes like it was a freezer burned steakum and Roy Rogers (which might not be around anymore) tastes like abused meat.

Wendy's is a close second to the McDonalds but that is probably based on value alone, the combination of flavor, compactness and class that is the Big Mac puts it over the top

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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

The Thoughlessness of the No Thought gift

Regular TOR contributor Philthy Ryan commented on this recent entry about crappy gifts, where we were making the point that there is no value in getting a crappy gift.   The entry was suppose to be wrapped up with this line
I can already see it now, I rip open some red wrapping paper and gaze upon some crappy sweater or ugly picture frame and think “I wish you would have saved your money.” Screw the concept of the “thought that counts”, my theory it’s "the gift that should count."

Mr. Ryan makes the point that what this editorial's message was not only lost with this line but actually contradicted the original message. We agree that there appears to be a different message embedded in this line than we meant to convey and now believe we would have better off stating , it's not the 'thought that counts' but rather the thoughtless gift that shouldn't count.

The point here is that don't get me something unless it is well thought out and not something I want to hang myself with. The gift which had virtually no thought behind it, is actually not gift at all but just trash.   It is the Trojan horse, it forces a thank-you for something that was probably just re-gifted.  

The worst offender for something like this is something you are expected to display in your home, this is a double ball kick. When you get an ugly sweater you can just toss it in a goodwill bag but a wall painting or an ugly vase is gonna be the kind of thing that somebody asks about the next time they are at your place.

My apartment is too small, my patience to short and I am too cranky to want something hanging on my wall that I don't personally love.

That's it for now... More later

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Monday, December 22, 2008

My life is going from terrible to even more terrible every second.

At almost 33, I still haven’t figured out how to manage my life correctly because I never feel like I have any time for anything ever. I don’t any kids, pets or real responsibility e but feel like I wake up, go to work, get home from work, fall asleep and do it all over again. It’s like I go through the motions just to complain about them on some stupid blog and then rinse, wash and repeat. Well that is the week and then comes the weekend when I fell like I have even less time. My laundry remains undone, my dishes are never finished and my life feels like a total mess.

I don’t know what I have to do but somehow I need to add about 3 hours to my day because I have no time to watch football at all.

There I sit at a Christmas party talking about the joys of past, present and future hoping that the dude in front of me moves just 3 inches to the left or right so that I can catch a glimpse of the game. I dream about football, I die by football but I never find any time to watch football and this game had the makings of a classic with Favre in the snow. Although honestly I wish I hadn’t seen any of it because I wanted to poke my eyes out with the same ice-pick I would have stuck in my ball sack from hearing jackass after jackass drone on about the financial crisis. I would prefer you strap me in the driver seat in a blizzard, barreling down Route 91 with no traction on my tires before hearing another conversation about Christmas shopping, the weather or the financial mess.

Not having the chance to watch football makes me hate everything about Christmas, from the dirty toilets at the Toys R Us, to the dirty toilets at the Target, to the Guys who suck the life out of me with the whining about the dirty toilets... to the smiling idiots who wish me a Merry Christmas, to the crappy gifts I get and can’t re-gift and the crappy gifts I don’t get to at least have a reason to complain about.

So Bahumbug to all and all a good night

Sunday, December 21, 2008

The reason the US can never become green

It comes down to one thing, we don't like to be forced to sit close to other people

Let's think about mass transportation:

First of all the suburban sprawl makes it impossible for most places to have adequate rail-roads which makes the only real method of mass transportation buses. The issue is that we see ourselves as being above this third world method transportation.

I am not sure why buses seem so much worse than trains because trains and subways aren't all that great but they do.

Is it that buses are above ground and you are embarrassed to be seen in 'em? Or is it that we are disgusted by what is perceived as the preferred method of transportation for the lowest common denominator?

Just look at bus depots: they feel like they were designed as a place for junkies meet-and-greet and seem like the only place where it seems acceptable for parents to beat their kids in public.

I bet it would cost $45 to take a bus, it would probably be 10 times nicer, no because the bus would be any nicer but because nobody could afford it keeping it the stink out of them.

So public transportation doesn't work cause the snooty upity pampered auto-driving public refuse to ride the the next alternative is the car pool.

This is the thing about car-pooling, it's a good way to Green the commute to work but honestly why the hell would you want to spend every morning sitting next to other schmuck who unlike a bus you probably have to talk to. Plus you're forced onto some communist type schedule cause all the workers have to get into and out of work at the same time. Then it probably takes a year and a day, as you probably drive and extra 25 miles to drop off the schmuck. Honestly there isn't enough money in the world that would get to be force to sit next to that schmuck as he yaps on about the weather or the economy.

I'd rather ride a bike in freezing rain up a hill both ways.

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Saturday, December 20, 2008

Let it snow

You know what is nuts about Connecticut?

Not just the fact they love women's basketball but the DWI signs up on the roads.

Driving up 95 last nigh it occurred to me how differently the CT people see the drinking and driving issue than NY people do.

The sign illuminated above the highway said "No Drinking and Driving over the limit."

You'd think "No drinking and driving" would be what you are pushing but they had to specify "over the limit"

In other news Congress voted themselves a nice raise as we go into the Christmas recess, how is that for some responsible leadership. I would think that the financial crisis would have curbed this kind of selfish crap but then again these are senators and congressmen, the most scummy people on Earth.

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Friday, December 19, 2008

Rules of Engagment (part 3)

If you are going to post two parts of a Maxim article that didn't get published back in 2002, you may as well post the final one too.
Part 1 and Part 2 can be found here

Part 3 is here
Hanging with a handful of college girls the other night seemed fairly interesting especially because their motto during this Spring Break trip was “what happens in New York, Stays in New York”. Well what doesn’t happened in New York should not have been made to sound like something that might not be repeatable outside of New York. First of all the nastiness of trying to find a bar which doesn’t card and gives these chicks a somewhat decent time is one thing but then when they expect me to do all the entertaining it becomes painfully obvious why these chicks are spending their Tuesday morning recovering from their Hangovers while sitting in History Class while I’m spending my Tuesday Morning recovering from my hangover sitting at work. Actually that is a horrible example but what are you gonna do? The fact is that world experience does have some more value than originally meets the eye, I’ve been blessed that I’ve seen a few places and met some interesting people throughout my life but these girls found the joys of smoking up and going pumpkin picking a great pastime. One was telling me about this great book she just picked up called “Walden”. Then I spent the rest of the night hearing about her boyfriend and how he was going to get a covershot for Snowboarder magazine. Though I ride, I’m proud to say I’ve never picked up a single issue of Snowboarder magazine. The problem is a college girl is like snowboarding, fun to ride but not a whole lot of interesting articles in between the pictures.

I know one thing about me which is that I never go into a meeting with a new person without at least having 3 or 4 sure-fire stories in my back pocket, something that you can whip out at moments notice just to give you an opportunity to keep the conversation light and interesting, would it be wrong to ask some of these chicks to have something prepared also?

The point to this whole thing is that I know I’m not all that bright but that’s cool, I have done worse and I’ll do better, but whenever you’re having Italian-American food while playing conversational ping-pong with a 19 year old you know you’re in for a good time. I got a set of blue balls, a corkscrew and a headache to prove it.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

I have the bladder of a pregnant woman

My transformation to a full fledged chick is almost complete, first I had to wear the training bra, then I had to deal with my fat thighs, of course there was that time I got the fat pregnant lady ankles and then came that nasty bout with a UTI but now my bladder is acting like I’m six months pregnant.

Luckily this bladder issue isn’t coming up all the time but this morning in hit the diner next to my office and proceeded to down about 10 cups of coffee. It’s 11AM and I’ve already run to the can three times since 8:15 this morning. It’s as if my body is completely incapable of processing caffeine because as soon as I have more than 1 cup of coffee, I find myself desperately searching for a bathroom for some needed relief. Sometimes it hurts so bad that I find myself doing the jig from one foot to another in a desperate attempt to relieve the pressure on the bladder when there isn’t an open stall. Alcohol does it to me also but nothing is as bad as a cup of coffee

Now back to a more important topic, diners. As much as I hate crappy Christmas gifts, I love diners from the waitresses to the grilled cheese. The quality is just so-so, but the prices are fantastic and they give you get that bottomless cup of Joe. Plus the diner is really one of the only places left on this world where you can get a cup of coffee for less than $1.00.

Except for the price, it’s really the Starbucks before Starbucks as you can sit at a diner sipping coffee for 3 hours reading the paper and nobody bothers you at all. You just get refill after refill and run back and forth to the men’s room three times per hour but nobody every makes you feel like you should scram.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

I am the Grouch Who Hates Crappy Christmas Gifts

If you are planning on getting me a gift this year, please make sure it’s good because I really hate receiving crappy Christmas gifts, bahumbug.   Now I must say that I’m not a against Christmas and I’m not anti-gift, I just prefer good gifts over crappy ones.

I can already see it now, I rip open some red wrapping paper and gaze upon some crappy sweater or ugly picture frame and think “I wish you would have saved your money.”   Screw the concept of the “thought that counts”, my theory it’s "the gift that should count."

The Righetti gift concept is pretty easy. I won’t get you anything unless I see something I think you really will like. I haven’t gotten any friend a birthday gift since probably age 10. And that time was only because my mom sent me to the Roller Rink with a $20 bill stuffed in a crappy card.

This is my promise to you, when I find something I think is perfect for you, I’ll buy it and give it to them the next time I see you. You’ll probably never see me show up at a birthday party with anything other than my smiling mug and if do show up with a present the chances are that it isn’t for you.

Now I think I’ve made it clear I’m not a big fan of the crappy gift but when I do get one of these trinkets please make sure it’s not totally worthless because I am a big fan on the re-gift (as the re-gifter not the receiver of a regift). If you are going to give me something that I don’t want, at least let it be something I can give to somebody else.

There is no place the crappy gift is more prevalent than at a Secret Santa or a White Elephant swap. This is when most people try to get rid of shit in their house they themselves don't want.  Honestly I have gotten more crap from these things than anything else because chances are you are buying something for somebody you hardly know. And even when the gift is good it still sucks, because I already have 10 of those easy wine-bottle things and a hundred Jets shirts.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I Heart Sushi

Raw Fish is an interesting choice in the fact that it's one of those foods that people have a really strong opinion on; it's the kind of food somebody either loves or hates, there is no in the middle.

First of all, we have to clear up a misconceptions when it comes to sushi because a lot of people claim to like it but like something that is close to sushi but not exactly sushi.  When I’m talking about sushi I'm talking strictly about a chopstick and a piece of raw fish,  not a philadelphia, california or dragon roll.   I don't think I've ever met a person who claim that they just kind of like sushi, it's a total black or white issue, you either love it or you don’t.

The other funny thing about sushi is that people seem to fall into one of a few groups when it comes to raw fish and within those groups guys and girls are completely different. Guys are a bit more adventurous and break down into two types

1) The “I eat sushi but I’m not crazy about it” group. These guys will have had it a few times but will never suggest it on their own and when they do have it it’s only on a special occasion. I always think these dudes just eat it because they want to prove that they can but really are probably trying to impress somebody on a first date or something.

2) The second group is filled with guys who could go for raw fish five days per week, have a seat reserved at the sushi bar and know the entire menu by heart.

Chicks on the other hand seem to fall into three completely different groups when it comes to eating raw fish.

1) The first group has never had sushi or sashimi, thinks it yucky and will never have raw tuna no matter what.

2) The second group believes they’ve had Sushi cause they had a Dragon roll once in college after a few too many beers. A dragon roll is delicious but this is NOT sushi, I can see how somebody might think it’s close but it’s not.

3) The third group is practically a dude when it comes to raw fish. They are a special breed who absolutely love and crave it. These chicks know more about the sushi than I’ll ever know. They have tried every piece on the menu, can tell you what piece of sushi is from across the room and know how to prepare it themselves. I’m not exactly sure which sushi restaurants they go to since I’m never invited to come along but these places are traditional places, they are strictly a sushi bar, they don’t serve any teriyaki or yakitori.

I like the chicks in group three cause they like what I like although they were somehow born with a lot more knowledge about the cuisine than I have.

But even the biggest sushi fan will tell you that when a piece of tuna is good, it's really good but when it's bad it makes your stomach turn. You all know the horror stories; rotten tuna has ruined sashimi for many guys (and probably a few girls too). A guy who loves sashimi for example will have eaten it hundreds of times throughout his life and he'll vaguely remember the ones that were great, mix up the ones that were average BUT he will always remember the time a bad piece of tuna touches his lips. The person who had a bad tuna experience will laugh about it with his buddies later but as he first bites down and he feels his stomach turn there is nothing more than to run out the room before he pukes all over the plate.

Honestly this is not a laughing matter as it probably means that the restaurant is selling used tuna or the sushi chef has not been hygienic. You can't be dining at shady all-you-can-eat place downtown after drinking all night. First of all you know the fish isn't fresh and secondly those kinds of places will always make you feel kind of disgusting when you walk out of the place. In my opinion you gotta find a good place and then make that your sushi joint. You get to know the chef, learn the menu, find out what you like and then go there for dinner all the time.

Monday, December 15, 2008

this week in politics

So our president gets attacked by some shoe-wielding psycho and I wonder why nobody paid any attention to Richard Reid? I was a bit disappointed in the secret service for allowing this guy to get a second shot off although I was impressed with the cat-like quickness of El Presidente.

You know this is going to mean that all the reporters at the presidential press conferences are going to have to take their shoes off before entering the conference room. I can just see poor Campbell Brown sitting at some boring press conference with Helen Thomas' smelly dogs propped up right next to her glazed donut and medium coffee.

The Blagojevich story keeps having life to it with the embattled governor refusing to step down from his post. The one thing I always find interesting is how quickly the circle of people on a ship jump overboard when the ship hits the ice-berg. Every article I've read about this guy over the weekend is from aides, colleagues or friends completely throwing this guy under the bus. Most of it has nothing to do with the present scandal, but they are bringing up all sorts of things to show how big a scumbag he really is.  They can't find anybody who claims to have ever liked him, the lieutenant governor claims he hasn’t spoken with him in 3 years, Obama's aide's deny any relationship at all, his father-in-law says the guy is a total fraud and I think I read that his Golden Retriever came out the other day and said that he never takes him out for a walk.
This guy went from some governor with a crappy haircut who nobody has ever heard of to the guy everybody knew yelled at his kids in a parking lot, ran dogs over with his car and would steal canes from blind people. I’m not saying that all that isn’t true but it’s funny that none of this stuff was ever written about before last week.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Simply Having a wonderful Christmas Time.

Not sure when it happened, but at some point I got old..  Not yet 33, but standing at a crowded  bar last night I felt like I was 60.  This is not the first time I've been at a bar, let alone a crowded bar but I've never felt more like wanting to pull the fire alarm.

It's not that I hate bars, a specific ethnicity or crowds but I really hate crowded bars packed with 500 people of the same ethnicity.  Why in New York city on the cusp of 2009 somebody would seek out a place packed with only people of ones own ethic group makes me want to jab Kimchee in my eye

Not only do these bars suck cause they are so loud you feel hoarse from screaming all night and thirsty because you can't ever get close to the bar but you feel you are standing in a giant hot meat locker.
Again nothing against meat or lockers but when I feel like I'm in a car wash between some dipsh!t  22 year old dude with a fish-head and some fat thighed chick who smells like a fish, I long for the stability of an Irish pub packed with white people. With these two pressing start to rub up against each other (and inadvertently me) I analyze the situation in the same way I would when I first step onto an airplane.  What this is the easiest most direct beeline to an exit.

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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Ronnie James Dio, you got to be kidding me

Was hanging at a bar on Thursday Night and was sitting next to some dude who was the biggest Ronnie James Dio fan alive. That is like telling me you are a huge Sammy Hagar fan or trying to convince me that best roomate was Cindy or Terri.
This dude thought the stories that Dio told in his music made him the premier song-writer of our generation but then again I think this dude plays Everquest online, so what the hell does he know.. Looks like he hadn't gotten laid in a generation.

By the way, who knew but Dio is 66 years old and he is about 5'6" and apparently he's got a following..
The same dude told me that he equates Appetite for Destruction with Back in Black or Hotel California. Which is like saying the Bible is like the phone book just because everybody has one. Back in Black is actually pretty good but Hotel California makes me one to stick an ice-pick in my eardrum. Even if you try to tell me Back in Black is doesn't AfD we are talking about..
Rock and Roll died the day Slash started that Snakepit.

Friday, December 12, 2008

$160 Million for a fat pitcher????!!!!???/

This has to be the week of make-believe

First Congress throws $14 billion at a failing auto industry then pulls it back, what is up with all this Indian Giving, the only thing that directly affects me is that my 401K will have a roller coaster ride today? 

My issue with this bailout isn't so much the $14 Billion as it is that these dudes probably need $140 billion. That is like going Sabathia going to an emergency room after his left arm's been torn off by a lion and the doctor putting a 2" band-aid on it.

What the hell is the point????!!!

I have no idea what the best thing to do with this automotive industry but I know for sure that I think it's anti-capitalism and anti-darwinism to prop up companies that cannot survive on their own.  Now I also know that the amount of jobs that will be lost if GM and Chrystler go under and that the government will have to carry the burden based on the amount paid out as the unemployment ranks swell but in general I don't think this makes any sense.

Why the Yankees decide to throw more money at CC Sabathia than they ever would have for Johan Santana is beyond me.  The Yankees entire plan going into last season is out the window (build from within, don't spend ridiculous money on free-agents).  Look at Sabathia, the dude is 300lbs, I know that David Wells model kind of works but it doesn't work for $160 Million dollars.   $23 Million Per Year does afford you some spending cash for the Righetti Fat Slob Tax.

I promise, no more baseball blogs for a few months.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

THE GWB Bridge, from President Washington to President Bush

In what could be his last act as president, President George W. Bush’s handlers are trying to rename the famed George Washington Bridge which spans the Hudson River connecting Northern New Jersey to New York City. The George Washington Bridge has often been referred to as the “GWB” and Mr. Bush is said to have made an inquiry to have the Bridge’s name changed to the “GWB for Freedom Bridge” an obvious play on Mr. Bush’s initials.
White House Press Secretary Dana Perino on Tuesday when asked about the push to change said “In the wake of the 9/11 tragedy, we believe renaming the bridge for the men and women who risked their lives to rush up the World Trade Center seems like a fitting tribute, since this is the most visible arm of the New York Port Authority, we find a tribute to the freedom the Port Authority officers fought for when they went up into those towers.” Local politicians on both the heavily Democratic New Jersey’s Bergen County and New York County are up in arms saying that the bridge represents local culture and has its name from then General George Washington who spent months fighting the British armies from outposts on the Palisades.

Tonya Townson of Englewood Cliffs New Jersey speaking with local CBS news channel 2 said that changing the name of the bridge “was an insult to everything that President Washington stood for…by changing the name of the bridge from a great president to the initials of this incompetent fool”.
Not everybody had the same take on the possible renaming; Manhattan Resident Anthony Lasorto said that “Just like President Washington, President Bush is a general who fought for freedom against threats, imperial and terror based. I think it’s a fitting tribute to two leaders of this country.”

A name change like this would not be unprecedented by the Port Authority, in 2002 the PA officially renamed Newark International Airport to Newark Liberty Airport as a tribute to the fallen heroes of the 9/11 tragedies. Naming rights for the Bridge are held exclusively with the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey. Repeated calls to the Port Authority have not been returned.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Absolute Power corrupts Absolutely

I need to get this guy to come in and do a couple of Relief Bitchers on TOR, the amount of cursing alone would be intereting. 

I wonder how much under-the-table loving Caroline Kennedy is giving David Patterson.. knowing his history and her family history, I gotta imagine neither is afraid to influence the political process with something other than straight money..

What struck me most about Blagojevich was how much he look like he could be the third Menendez Brother.

now it turns out that Joe the Plumber didn't like McCain after all.   Not surprising he loved Sarah Palin..

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

"Let me get a medium coffee with 5 sugars"

this is what I heard the other day while waiting on line at my favorite coffee and egg-cheese place. Five sugars!!!!!... you have to be kidding me, no wonder the woman ordering it looked like she had an ass on her ass.

Five Sugars in your coffee is what is wrong with this country...this is the reason some chicks have guts that stick out further than their t*ts and why men can't see their dinky when they take a leak.

I think that just like car insurance gets raised for a driver who has a history of speeding, car accidents and traffic violations; slobs who eat way too much pizza, McDonalds or Snickers bars should get charged a slob-tax. If for example they have ice-cream more than three times a week, eat two or more BigMac's in one sitting or put five sugars in your coffee you should have a a 20% increase in your health care costs (this increase will have to come out of your pocket NOT your company). Personal responsibility, what a novel idea!!! The money collected will be distributed -in terms of lower rates- for the people who live a healthy life style, just like car insurance.

By the way, this Righetti Tax will not be imposed for reasons of disease just for people who live a sloppy unhealthy life style.

If the slob penalty doesn't stick with actual money than I suggest for every calorie over 2000 a person consumes in a day they have to spend 1 minute working per day in a slaughter house or at Willie Wonka's factory..

If nothing else, when somebody who can't fit in an airplane seat or a seat at a baseball stadium sits next to you, somebody should come over and see how much of their neighbor's personal space their gut is taking up and then charge them that percentage more for the seat. BUT here is the catch; the airline or the baseball team shouldn't benefit from this, it should be paid to the normal size human whose personal space they are invading.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Rules of Engagment (part 2)

After the success the recent TOR post which looked back at a Maxim article piece I wrote 6 or 7 years ago which was basically left to die, I decided to publish part 2 today.

Thios was written about 8 years ago.. all names have been changed to protect the innocent
Whenever you date one of the most important decisions is deciding where to go for food. My go-to option has always been Sushi. Its not overly filling, its usually kind of quaint and Saki bombs are fun in almost any setting. Well let me tell you something, when a chick response to your Sushi suggestion with “I’ve never had that, you’ll have to order for me” it tells you something.
This happened to me once, and after that reaction I suggested Thai and even thought about going for sea-food but by the look of it, I wasn’t sure that she even realized that there was a country Thailand. Never date a chick whose only foreign experience is that kid Sweeny Patel she knew in Elementary school. She tells me she usually sticks to stuff she knows and usually chows on Italian, American or Italian-American. God can you stick a fork in my penis next time I decide to go this route.

On the same subject, I once met this girl in North Carolina who tells me about this fledging modeling career she’s been working on, First of all my thought is that models below the mason-dixon can be fairly average looking broads cause this girl was about as close to being a Calvin Klein Model as I am.
The thing that got me with this one is that she has never been on a plane, not because she’s afraid but because she’s a hick, not once, not to Disney World, not to Mexico, not to Daytona Beach. Actually the kicker wasn’t that she’d never been on a plane and that she worked at the Airport Holiday Inn but that she had never been further North than West Virginia and that she went to Washington DC once but didn’t have the guts to actually venture outside of Northern Virginia. God that’s like going to see Nightmare on Elm Street wearing earplugs and Raybands

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Shot 'em UP

Sounds like Obama has sort of stopped smoking, he's stopped smoking kind of like I stopped doing shots. I know I really shouldn't but when I'm out and ripping it up there really is nothing that can be said to stop me from going down that path.

When I do shots I want to make sure it hurts..not just as it goes down but it has some real residual pain.. My rules are simple
A) I don't believe in doing fruity shots,
B) I don't do shots with sugar on the rim and
C) for $5, the shot should be all liquor, no splash of coke, no spash of juice, no splash of anything just hard booze.

Honestly when I'm going to do shots it's only Tequila or Jack and really there are only two reasons

1) shots aren't supposed to be good, I don't even believe they should be fun.. they should hurt and hurt bad. It costs you $5 of $6 for a shot at an average bar and for a five-spot I want it to hurt going down.

2) Shots are supposed to be a party.. There is no better thing than seeing one of your idiot friends' faces as he forces down a shot of Jack or some chick who looks like she's going to lose her lunch as soon as the shot goes down..

BUT there are limits to this..honestly the next time I order a shot of SoCo, I really hope the bartender pours me a shot of gasoline, it can't possibly be worse. For the same respect, the next time I fill up the car, maybe the gas attendant can just pour the SoCo right into the tank.

So David Gregory will be the new host on Meet the Press, he's no Russert but luckily he is no Tom Brokaw either.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Take On The Grease Trucks

I hate to admit it but as a Rutgers alumni who spent countless hours and dollars and put on about 40 pounds at the Grease Trucks in New Brunswick NJ, I feel bad for the kids at RU today cause they don't know what they are missing.

When I first got to Rutgers there was exactly one fat sandwich.. the Fat Cat (two cheeseburgers, french-fries, lettuce, tomatoes and ketchup all wrapped together in one roll). By the time I hit my junior year there was a Fat Sam (Cheesesteak, grilled chicken with french fries and the lettuce/tomato combo) the Fat Moon (i think this had an egg in it) and the Fat Koko (which was basically a gyro with a cheesesteak). Well 15 years since I first entered the campus, they've added 40 different combinations of Fat Sandwiches from the Fat Fallafel to the Fat Chick but let me tell you, this is when more becomes less. First of all the additions they come up with every time I come down to Rutgers are just annoying because they have pretty much run out of ingredients and each "new" sandwich are just a classic with or without one ingredient. But not only are they just all versions of the same thing but by adding this many options they've cut back on the real guts of the sandwich.
Now you feel like you are really only getting french fries and bread and somehow they seemed to have cut the amount of grease. The guts of a Fat sandwich is in the meat not the french-fries, somehow they've raised the prices by 60% since I left college but taken about 50% of the meat out of the sandwich.

Last week I stood there hammering a Fat Joe or something and I realized that it had been 3 bites since I had a piece of cheesesteak.

If you are not going to have a top BCS football program, at least have a great sandwich!!!

Friday, December 5, 2008

15% is now 20% and 20% is now 30%

Having worked in restaurants from age 13 to 23 I have always been sensitive to the hard work which goes into the service industry and believe that I am a good if not extraordinary tipper. I seem to leave 20% for just about any dining experience but after discussing with regular TOR Relief Bitcher Philthy Ryan, I have a few major issues tipping has gotten out of control. I don't mind tipping but I do mind when you are given very little choice in terms of what you can give.

Philthy Ryan mentioned getting a $25 haircut (from one of those fancy Jean Claude Van Haircut places), on this he would typically leave $5 (20%) but since he gets his hair cut by one German and his hair washed by nihilist this makes for a sticky situation. It almost feels wrong to tip the hair cut specialist less than $4 but that makes for a stick situation since you would only have $1 for the hair-wash specialist. So the decision becomes tough, do you overtip and start giving away $2 or even $3 for the hair-wash lady and then another $4 or $5 to the hair-cut broad? Shit we are talking a potential total of $8 total for a $25 haircut?

This is an example when the system basically makes it so that you almost can't give less than that because of the way the system is set up.

How many times have I walked into a diner by myself, order eggs and a cup of Joe and the bill comes out to $4.50, I will still drop $2 and probably $2.50 on the table. I feel it's almost insulting to leave her only $0.90, although this is 20% which is what should be equate to a tip for exceptional service.. But I feel guilty so I drop $2 and leave. Truthfully this lady probably works just as hard as some schmuck with a wine-degree at some snot-nose high-end restaurant for a 10th of the pay.

But I feel like this is not expected of you and I like to be able to leave a bit extra when I feel like it's warranted. When the company sets an expectation I have a lot more trouble with it, like the credit-card machines they have in the NYC Cabs now.

When you choose the pay by credit card option in the cab, the screen gives you three options (you can do it manually if you want but the options are designed to speed up the process). The options on the screen are 20%, 25% and 30%.

30% for a god-damn cab-ride??? you have to be kidding me!!!! For years you would jump in a cab and kind of round off the total and give the driver that. You would jump in a cab, cost you $4.20 and you would give the dude a $5 and tell him "yo holmes smell you later". Now all of a sudden a $15.10 cab ride turns into $19.63 as opposed to $18.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

521.49 miles from Detroit to Washington DC

You gotta love these idiots from GM, Ford and Chrystler driving from Detroit to Washington DC after getting B*tch-slapped by a bunch of old grumpy white haired senators for taking private planes last week to beg for money..

I had to see how far this drive is and says that it's about 525 miles.  You gotta love the thought of each of these idiots spending 9 hours on the road stopping off at McDonalds and pumping their own gas at Mobil's and having to use the piss covered shitters at the rest-stops.

Would have been better if they carpooled down there.   These three idiots all squezed together in one of those small hybrid's would have been great entertainment, especially if they got a flat.

somebody put me in charge of reality-television for NBC

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Rules of Engagment (part 1)

Was going through a piece I wrote about 6 years ago which I submitted to Maxim magazine but was denied (or at least never heard from them again).   kind of an interesting piece I wrote before I started to date Mrs. Righetti..

all names and places have been changed to protect the innocent

It was a three piece article entitled "rules of engagement" about being a single dude in NYC.

this is part 1
Let me tell you something, I went out with this other chick a few weeks back and listening to our conversation was like Craig Killborn interviewing Darva Konger. You’re not really sure Darva Konger has anything of value to say and you’re not real comfortable having Craig Killborn dictating the conversation. We hang out for a couple of hours and it was like a game of table tennis without the Chinese guy slapping down a “riser” or a “slurve” to mix up the fun. Back and forth, forth and back, it was exhausting, we kind of got into this rhythm where I would tell a funny anecdote about my dog and she would respond with “oh my dog did this and that…..blah blah”. Then it was my turn “oh that’s funny because my buddy once took a shit in the bathtub” and she would come back with “my brother peed in the bathtub when we were young” and I would say that “I once held my piss in for 8 straight hours and then it hurt for 2 weeks every time I urinated” to which she told me about her urinary tract infection which she thought was just bad Jalepenos.

I’m not saying what I had to say had any value but this ping-pong conversation is awful to read about and worse to have been a part of. Its like we signed up for a Haiku class, you can’t ever say anything more than three lines and it has to have perfect iambic pentameter. It was understood that neither party could at any time take control of the conversation, just because we were trying to feel each other out. We had made an unconscious decision to piece-meal this conversation together without either one taking more than 50% of the conversation, its like playing Risk with yourself, you’ll never really win, you’ll never really lose but you’ll spend a whole lot time wondering if you could be doing something better at that time.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Indian Caste system makes me want to puke

the NY Times had a great article today about the unsung heroes who saved people, stood in front of bullets and risked their own lives but there was one part which almost made me puke

Not far from the train station, as the same network of gunmen stormed the Taj Mahal Palace & Tower Hotel, a sous chef named Nitin Minocha and his co-workers shepherded more than 200 restaurant diners into a warren of private club rooms called The Chambers.
For the rest of the night they prepared snacks, served soda, fetched cigarettes and then, when told it was safe, tried to escort the diners out through the back. They wanted to make sure their guests, many of them Mumbai’s super-elite, were as comfortable as possible

this garbage hieracy based on this bullshit caste-system which the Indian society still clings to is absolutely disgusting.   The fact that during a terrorist attack that these "super elites" are having these servants fetch them sodas and cigarettes shows you how little these elitists value human life.

Monday, December 1, 2008

I am a loser

There I said it. I am a total schmuck, I have very little value to the rest of society because I am pathetic and more of less worthless

Not to worry, you don’t have to talk me off the ledge here.. this is just a confession not a cry for help.

After a wonderful long weekend, surrounded by family and friends where I just about avoided all shopping malls or leftovers I woke up on Sunday feeling spry and full on energy. Both my wife and my sister were getting into the Christmas spirit as my wife hummed Christmas carols while I read the Week in Review and my sister was going to chop a tree down with her 1 year old and my Father’s 60th birthday party the night before had been a giant success. I went for a 5 mile run, had an egg and cheese and made myself a hot cup of Joe. Read the New York section of the Times and had a big smile on my face.

Then came 1pm and everything changed. I plopped down on the couch, with the 42” TV on the Giant-Skins game and my laptop planted in front of me. This is the way I spend most Sunday’s watching the NFL action on the TV while fixated on the laptop as I see the scores for our fantasy football league flash across my laptop.

The fantasy week had started early this week, with three games on Thanksgiving. I had a little lead (Romo, MB3 and my crappy ass kicker vs TO and Fitzgerald) but it wasn't very large and I needed all the points I could get

I had been kicking around the idea of benching Matt Forte for Clinton Portis all week and when Portis carried the Sean Taylor flag out as the Redskins dedicated a spot for their fallen teammate in the Ring of Fame I was sure that Portis would come out with an extra step of vengeance. I knew the matchup sucked but Forte was in an equally crappy matchup on the road against the Vikings and I stuck to my new guns and inserted Portis.

By 2pm Portis he had about 10 yards rushing and I threw the remote control, by 3pm he had 12 yards rushing and I kicked the couch, by 4pm he finished with about 22 yards rushing and I bit my inner cheek so hard I thought I had to go to the hospital. All the while the combination of DeAngelo Williams and Colston were ripping up my hopes and dreams as it became blatantly obvious that this would be yet another year that the Silly Putty Sacks would not bring home the D-Cup trophy (which by the way cost the league $500).

But then came the 4pm games and when Jay Cutler started dissecting the Jets defense I bit my tongue, when he threw the first TD I yelled at my wife for being to happy and when he threw his second TD I almost cried.

There I sat: disappointed, angry, sad, beaten and more importantly pathetic. I had yelled at poor Mrs. Righetti just as she started to sing “have a merry merry Christmas, it’s the best time of the year” and I realized that not only was a bad husband but I am reall bad at fantasty football.

An entire off season plus 13 weeks of hard-work and dedication down the toilet.