Take on GaetzGate

MattGaetzGate got more complicated when it was revealed that he was playing bother the part of Jeffrey Epstein and Oliver North. Obviously Gaetz is no stranger to controversy and has had his list of scandals, so he'll likely survive this mostly because his constituents are at least 51% morons. But you have to give credit for the creative writing on this episode of 24, I hadn't seen the Ayatollah as a square on my bingo board

Take on the Gaetz closet of skeletons

The only shocking thing about the Matt Gaetz news was that it was an underaged girl and not an underaged Nester. There has always been a walk in closet full of skeletons with Gaetz but since he was willing to do one idiotic publicity stunt after the next, the GOP put up with it. At this point we are just happy that he's going to get further investigated, it's going to look like they are unpacking the best Halloween house with all the skeletons they'll find

Take on the alphabet soup

Trump came back swinging at Fauci and Birx after having stayed mostly silent in the two since his departure. It was a typical Trump word garble mess which was neither intelligible to intelligent and took up more bandwidth than the value of the paper it was typed up on.
I read it..twice. One as a sane person where it just looked like alphabet soup and then again pretending I was Trump and it all sounded like we were back in March 2020

Take on the backslide

You'd think that considering what was going on last spring, we would be extra cautious to not get back there again but to nobody's surprise New York and New Jersey are back atop the new infections rate. I'm saying nobody is shocked because walking around here, it's pretty obvious that we have decided Covid is a waste of time. People are done, masks are off and we are about to enter another spine despite all the vaccines we have administered

Take on Fat Ted

Ted Cruz doesn't care if you call his wife ugly or his fad a murderer. He doesn't care identify call him Lyon' Ted but he definitely cares about border security.
What he should be worried about is finding clothes that actually fit him, he's getting fatter every time he's on TV, we're talking about the Covid 19 times the Freshman 15.

The entire city of Cancun is happy he didn't stick around long enough to take his shirt off

He's always been a disgusting human but now he also looks totally disgusting

Take on the Duck Hunt gone wrong

Ted and Lindsey decided to take a bot ride on the Rio Grande to see if they could find some migrants trying to find better lives for themselves -and judging by the long guns their tour guides had with them- shoot them.

Cruz has gotten so far, he looks like he's a summer sausage and Lindsey showing up to a duck hunt in khakis and a polo is just too perfect. The fact that the entire thing looks like the drop-off of naked and afraid makes me want to vomit.

The one thing which has become abundantly clear is that neither of these morons care about what is really happening at the border but they both see it as a gigantic photo-opp

Take on the Suez boat

That cargo ship stuck in the Suez canal has a real Mike Myers feel to it. Obviously there was something that caused the boat to get turned sideways which may or may not have been because of a drunk driver but the fact the entire rescue effort seems to limited to a lonely bulldozer and one earth mover thing tells you we will be watching this thing not move for a long time.
I've seen enough already to know that this thing will likely be stuck for year unless they decide to blow the boat up which I expect they will do in the next two weeks

Take on Meghan McCain’s terrible haircut

Meghan McCain made news again this week when she made comments about the lack of Asian representation on The View and how that should affect her co-hosts jobs.
It wasn't the first time she made this kind of news but really the focus should not be on her motives but instead on her terrible haircut. I saw this photo of her and it looks like a gigantic penis head with pubic hair flaring out the side. Somebody is either playing a terrible trick on poor Meghan or her stylist is a Trump.

Take on Sidney Powell

Sidney Powell is an awful human, one who has no hope of ever rehabilitating her image after her full on felatio of Trump after the election. She's now claiming that no reasonable person would believe her which is true but the fact of the matter is there are approximately 70 million Americans who do believe her.
I hope Dominion takes her to the cleaners, the awful scoundrel that she is.

Take on Boebert

Lauren Boebert sent out a tweet today denouncing the Boulder violence which is odd coming from a woman's ho doesn't support background checks, uses a wall of guns as her zoom background and is a generally miserable human.
Obviously we are all keeping the violence in our minds and it reminds us how many of these awful tragedies have happened in Colorado from Columbine to Aurora to this one.

Might be a good time for representative Boebert to keep her mouth shut.

Take on InstaTrump

It sounds like we might be mere months away from Trumpter or FaceTrump or InstaTrump and it's going to be glorious to see it burn down. The only reason any of these sites gain traction is because it attracts a wide audience, the Trump social media will attract only Trumpets which is about as interesting as listening to a trumpet trio playing the Argentinian waltz. Actually, I take that back, that does sound sort of interesting, the waltz not the Trump thing

Anyway, I can't imagine spending any time on that site and I suspect there will be a ton of trolling, so I hope he sinks a lot of money into that obvious titanic

Take on the QAnon moving date

Those ooor QAnon guys blunts be exhausted from having to move the goal posts again. Their March 4th day came and went much like their January 20th day and a bunch in between.
But after their predictions of Trump reascension to the thrown of president didn't come true, we know they will be calling out a new date and I'm offering Tax Day or maybe Cinco de Mayo.

Let's do this people.

Take on the Biden Trip

I guess it's time to bring Chevy Chase out of retirement. Joe Biden pulled a Gerald Ford and tripped on the steps going up to AirForce1. We've all tripped at some point but luckily it isn't widely distributed.
You have to think that the Biden team was happy about two things
- This wasn't something that happened in October
- Trump's Twitter is still off

Take on the Suspect in Georgia spa shootings

There is so much wrong about the Atlanta spa murders including the fact another "good guy with a gun" decided to take our his rage on innocent bystanders. Might be time to do some kind of real background check to make sure somebody like this doesn't legally get his hands on one.

Now to the motive and the acts, the sherif claims there is no racial motivation which nobody believes. Maybe his sex addiction holds true but if some jury gives him any leniency on that I'm going to flip

But what would bother me is that if you were a guy who hangs out at massage parlors and you get shot by some crazy yo-yo, not only are hospitalized or dead but CNN prints your name so all your friends and neighbors now know you went to the massage parlor.

Take on the Bloomberg QuickTake

Some of these Bloomberg Quicktakes are really just an awful waste of bandwidth. Today's QuickTake was "here's why Netflix is cutting down on password-sharing"

The answer is "to make more money" since people who share their password are subsidizing their friends and family who aren't paying Netflix.
I'm not saying password sharing is right or wrong but we've all done it but not sure why Bloomberg felt the need to do a dive into why Netflix doesn't like it.

Take on the crypto world

Whether it's TopShot or BitCoin or CryptoArt, I can't seem to really wrap my head around it. All of it feels like a gigantic Ponzi scheme where some schmuck is going to pay just a little more than the last schmuck. I am not sure "owning" a piece of digital anything will ever have any meaning to me and I'm fully aware this is likely my Get Off My Lawn moment.
At the end of the day, these guys are all fairly happy to outbid each other and somebody is going to filthy rich but it's on the back of everybody else

Take on the downfall of Andrew Cuomo a

I think it's time to have Cuomo and Trump compare hand sizes. One thing for sure, if you compared their egos you'd fill a hot air balloon.

This will be Cuomo's downfall as he won't survive another two weeks with the slow drip of accusers coming out and his denials all coming across as Trumpian. This is where we are, a governor who was respected and had reasonably high approval rates especially after the pandemic will be remembered for three things

- his hands
- renaming the Tappan Zee for no good purpose
- NursingHomeGate

Somebody needs to come cleanup in aisle 3

Take on the Trump recordings.

When you are trying to hide your involvement in trying to overturn a free and fair election, maybe empty your trash bins. This seems like good protocol for physical trash bins but apparently your phone trash bin can hold some damming information also.
I can't imagine the total sh!tshow we'd be in had Trump won in November, just rewatching some of his early pandemic press conferences is Stephen King scary
Now he's just a fat guy who has become a glorified usher at Mar-a-Lago.

Take on Fatty McFatty

Trump was photographed coming off the 18th green with adoring fans looking like they are going to faint.

Somebody posted it with a caption about how vibrant the old guy looked which is odd because he looked especially pudgy and pale to me. Somehow he's gotten to look more like an orange Grimace, his entire body looks like a gigantic eggplant. And he still stands on this weird bent forward way which is basically an offset for his gigantic ass. And as somebody else noted on Twitter, it would be nice if he put on a brassiere. A bro if you will.

Take on Trump’s prediction from a year ago

On the even of the National shut down, we are finally at a rate of daily vaccinations where getting every adult vaccinated by Biden's new timeline. It's crazy to think that 3 million got a shot just today. At this rate we will put nearly 90 million shots into arms per month, vaccinating 45million people + Baer ona a two shot vaccination regiment.

We are still a ways away from personally getting the shot but for the first time in a long time, it doesn't seem all that crazy to think that we will have a level of protection to a virus that Trump told us would just magically go away.

Take on the FoxNews TuckerBox

FoxNews has a new NFL yellow first down line with their Tucker Carlson in the box thing. Basically you could see Tucker make one of three faces while Biden spoke

- somebody just kicked me in the nuts.
- I'm really constipated
- why does it seem that nobody likes me

Take on the quiet ex president

Apparently Trump put out some stupid statement today but since he has no social media presence, it feels a bit like the tree falling in the forest.

The last 45 days or whatever have been so....quiet. Biden hasn't handed our color coded maps of his victory, he hasn't taken victory laps for the DOW, he has kept his head down on the vaccine rollouts and he hasn't made many headlines for anything other than policy. The biggest thing they got is his dog nipping the secret service agent.

Just nice to know we have a normal adult back in charge.

Take on Bite Gate

The biggest controversy after about a month and a half of Biden's presidency was Major biting a secret service agent. It wasn't a bite that caused any major issue but obviously this caused more of a headache than what the White House wanted to be focused on on the eve of the one year anniversary of the national shutdown.
Sounds like they will send the two dogs away for a while like they did for Michael in Godfather 2.

Take on Trump taking on the GQP

Trump's decided to take on the GOP and asking his followers to send donation directly to him. There is no sense that there is a plan with what to do with that collected money other than being spent on Trump but this is where we are.

Hope you morons are happy to stuff his coffers while you personally suffer during this pandemic and recession. It's like somebody donating to the church even though they have a hard time making ends meet. They've been brainwashed just like the Trumpets are now

Take on the Oprah interview

Oprah got the biggest interview of the decade even as she hasn't had a TV show in like a decade. I haven't seen a single second of this, but reading Twitter it doesn't confirm my general disdain for anything royal. Monarchies are archaic and nobody seems to benefit from it other than the tabloids and Queen. Everybody else looks totally miserable all the time even if they are rich famous and pampered.

Anyway, hope these two kids make it work in their garden of Eden. They will likely never see the inside of Windsor palace again. It then again, who would want to

Take on the governor.

Andrew Cuomo has another week left at best. There is no way that he's going to survive another round of sexual misconduct allegations all while he's dealing with NursingHomeGate.
It's likely there is some sinister backing to this coming out but everybody always assumed that Cuomo was a slimeball.
The last few governors have all kind of flamed out

Take on Kevin McCarty

Somehow somebody convinced Kevin McCarty that he wasn't allowed to read Dr. Seuss any more, he was obviously wrong about that but he did what any politician would do..call attention to the fact he's an idiot

He spent 5 minutes reading Green Eggs and Ham which is exactly what you want the republics relaxed spending time doing. Although to be fair he must have a log of extra time on his hands now that he doesn't have to answer for every idiotic Trump tweet.

Take on The best Giuliani

I have found my new favorite Giuliani. I knew about the chubby son who worked for Trump but apparently there is a kinky daughter who hates Trump and loves threesomes. The entire story is mostly interesting because you know it kills Rudy to have to hear about it. And that alone makes it worthwhile

Take on Elaine Chao’s terrible haircut

Surprise surprise, Mrs Mitch McConnell is suspected of using her position as Secretary of Transportation during the Trump administration to enrich herself and her family. This helps explain how she and her husband are worth some $20 million while both being public servants.

But what is worse is that terrible perm she's sporting in the accompanying photo. Did this woman roll out of bed one morning and not realize it's not 1987 anymore

She should have been impeached for that alone

Take on Greg Abbott

Greg Abbott is an absolute moron and he deserves Ted Cruz right byhis side. When announcing that Texas had rescinded its mask mandate and opening everything 100% on the same day, he was basically signing it's death wish. We get that there is some basic freedom inherent in being a Texan purely by living near the Alamo or Jerry Jones' stupid stadium, but doing a full fledged opening up AND the mask thing on the same day when things could be so much better in a few months as the vaccines take holdis a lot like putting up the banner on a battleship

Take on the Trump vaccination.

Trump who never did anything quietly, decided to get himself and Melania vaccinated while they were still occupying the White House. I have no real problem with the president getting vaccinated but when you are the single biggest reason this virus spread and killed 500k Americans because of your lack of focus, your lies and your incompetence..maybe jumping the line should t be your reward.
Not sure how Melania qualifies, we know Trump
Does because he's grossly obese


The weeks between the inauguration and CPAC were so nice and quiet.