Friday, January 1, 2016

Take on A Force Awakens

Warning spoilers and conspiracy theories ahead


I have not been to a movie in a decade, the last one I saw was one of those terrible Lord of the Rings thing which made me want to kill myself (and the little Chinese guy who organized it)
So here I went, $20 in hand to watch the next installment of one of my true loves as a child.

Forget the backdrop, forget my review, forget it all. Here is what I got for you

- Rey is not Luke's daughter (a Jedi can't marry, remember) she is Leia and Han's daughter and she is a total badass and quite possibly the best SW main character next to Vader.
- Ben was brought to Luke to become a Jedi but he was just not good enough and his little sister was easily surpassing him, he becomes angry and needs his father's approval but can't get it, so he seeks out his grandfathers and ultimately falls to the dark side and destroys the entire Jed academy except for his sister
- the Ben character kind of sucks because he is played by some kid who would have been in the Thespian society and they should have waited till the bridge scene to take off the mask and even then maybe add some more dark and less light to obscure that rooster nose on the kid. No way does the next great with lord look like a cross between Andy Samburg and Joey Ramone
- anybody who had hoped for Luke to come and help Rey would have been disappointed for even if he did, he does not look like he is in fighting shape...except if he is fighting a pumpkin pie
- Han is still great but they should have killed him off in ROTJ like Harrison Ford requested, one of many mistakes that doofus George Lucas made.
- nice job getting a lot of the old crew back together but thank god they didn't have any of those bears this time, those things were awful
- I like the fact they didn't go the villain of the week thing, Kylo Ren will be a badass, just hoped he keeps his mask on
-and here it is..when Luke finally meets Kylo Ren in battle, he will reveal to him that he, not Han, is his father. He will have had him out of wedlock (showing his weakness and his ultimate downfall) and asked his sister to claim him as her own. He will be revealed to be the Sith Lord behind that big hologram thing that Kylo Ren has been bowing before, history will repeat itself. The force that awakens in Luke's, sadly it will be the other side of the Force he embraces

1 comment:

Baby Stu said...

The pumpkin pie crack was unnecessary.