Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Reasons I despise flying commercial

First of all everything in the flying experience is a gigantic schlep from getting to the airport, to getting through security, to getting out of the plane everything takes a year. Then add to it that they treat you like a goddam 10 year old by telling you what you can and cannot do. This is all the same kind of bull intimidation that bouncers get who stand behind the velvet rope, except I have to get on a plane to make a living.
The way I see it, it's the combo of the airlines and the FAA all get together to tell the business travelers to go screw themselves, although the business traveler is the one who keeps them alive especially when times are rough.

If you take everything into consideration, from start to finish, they have made the entire experience so unpleasant and so expensive that you just dread getting on a plane. Not only do we have to deal with delays and overcrowding but they have to go in expecting to be treated like a complete fool.
Just look at the progression of airline travel from just a few years ago.

First it was the fact you had to get there over an hour and a half early to basically stand around and pick your ass, when you get there you deal with those long lines specifically at security where you get strip searched because god forbid you have a bottle of water in your bag, then they add the wrinkle where you gotta remove not just your belt but also your shoes, then they charge you for a suitcase which only means that every ahole tries to squeeze 2 weeks worth of clothes into those overhead bins. Add to it that they charge you $5 for a can of miller lite and $1 for headphones which are probably covered in lead paint and you got yourself a royal business traveler ass-f•ck.
They have their reasons for everything but none of it has any logic to it.:

My Pet Peeves:
1) Taking you shoes off at security, I cannot bitch about this enough.

2) Having to put your goddamn shaving cream in some stupid ziplock bag and put it separately through the XRay machine. I have learned long ago to just keep everything in my bag cause everytime I actually have taken it out they make me toss my toothpaste or shaving cream. When I leave it tucked away I walk through with everything intact. Next time I should shove it into the front of my $129 jeans and you walk through with a COSCO size tube of Crest.
First of all how do they get the water bottles and toothpaste through security to sell it inside the terminal?? Answer: they don't do anything because their systems can't pick it up on the XRay machine.
Volunteering to take something out of your bag and being surprised they confiscate it is like taking something out of your pants in the sauna at the NYSC and being surprised it gets 'confiscated'.

3). Why the hell do they tell you that when you are about to taxi from the gate that you cannot use your cellphone because the doors are closed when you are departing BUT as soon as you land you can talk/text/email away? Doors are closed then to, this makes absolutely zero sense and it annoys the piss out of me.

4). All the Hot Stewardesses from the 80's are the same fat-kankled broads working there now.

Really, I am convinced that all of this is just the airlines and airport's methods of keeping the man down.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

1 comment:

Unknown said...

yes i hate taking my shoes off cuz i don't like to be seen without my heels on. also, i always get my sunscreen taken away & you know how obsessed with sunscreen i am and it really causes me a nervous breakdown every time in the damn airport cuz i buy those pricy zinc-oxide, non breakout causing, super sunscreens and then they take it away from me and i almost start crying and then i don't know what to do cuz i am really paranoid about checking bags cuz i have bad luck so i'd lose my bags and then i'd have to wear fugly sh!t all week. whatta nightmare! i'm so shallow/superficial. anyways, i always try to look kinda nice when i'm at the airport cuz one time, i was going through security and they tried to take away my proactiv facial wash & my narciso rodriguez fragrance (i only wear this fragrance and am obsessed with this so i have to travel with it) and there were 2 young manly men working there and they kinda let me just get away with it and i think it was cuz i put myself together that day. i mean, what if i blew up the plane cuz my perfume bottle was really biomedical warefare or liquid bomb or whatever that sh!t is. so i was really grateful that those 2 clowns let me keep my sh!t. i also kept telling them that the proactiv was a prescribed medication thing that i couldn't have taken away. so anyways, but that never happened again cuz every other time, it's angry shaniqua jones who works there and she won't let me keep sh!t. i refuse to check my bags. do these comments make your friends hate me even more?