I'm Proud to be an American, where at least I know I'm free

Relief Bitcher The Ryan Express comes in with a 3-4 record, a 3.14 ERA and a three strikeout to 2 walk ratio. He's coming into the 7th inning with 2 on and no outs.

Got a flight from NY to LAX the other day for a wedding. I was looking forward to my second trip out to Cali Cali, especially after the first was to San Diego last month. The San Diego flight was Delta. They made you pay for booze but they gave out free snacks, as many as you wanted, and had screens in the back of the seats which also had free stuff (movies in this instance). So…I was looking forward to a similar flight on the way out to LA. Thought I might check out Get Smart if it was on. As it transpired, I was flying goddamn American and was on a plane from the 80s. I literally think I was on this one as a child. No personal screens. Not even the drop downs from the ceiling. This had a projection screen way up in the front which I would have been able to see if I’d brought my telescope (I hadn’t as it wouldn’t fit in the stupid handluggage size checker). It actually wasn’t bad that I couldn’t see the screen seeing as they were showing some Kit Kittredge something or other movie. This plane was pretty old. It had those huge no-smoking signs above your head (I almost expected there to be a no-smoking section). The sound and music was controlled with dials instead of the digital buttons (I almost expected there to be a two-prong plastic headset jack – remember those). Yup, the plane was pretty 80’s, though this would all have been forgivable if they’d kept the best thing about flying 20-odd years ago – the air hostesses. Not flight attendants; air hostesses. This was back when serving in the skies was a glamorous profession, akin to modeling. They slinked up and down the aisles and were straight out of that Leonardo Dicaprio movie about planes (not the Howard Hughes one). I yearn for those days. Now I get either bumped by incredibly large hips or have to put up with some dudes cheap cologne! The only thing 80’s about the ‘flight attendants’ on this flight was their age! Bad life – but at least the tickets were paid for with miles!