Three's a Crowd

Great things come in threes: Stooges, Amigos, Company, threesomes, home-runs by Reggie Jackson in the '77 world series, but really there is one thing where the combo of three abuses our trust, faith and sense of human decency.

The Three Pack

How could something so good turn out to make you feel like you need a confession? As most of you have know, there is a certain level of dread when standing at a newsstand as you inspect the options and survey the lay of the land. You get excited when you find a bundle with Penthouse Letters on the top side and Forum on the other but what you realize is that this could be the worst kind of Trojan Horse. A thin layer of plastic wraps the three pack together to make it appear as one entity, but for only $9.99 you find the best of man squeezing together the worst of man. With the light turned down and music up, you tear away the cellophane and lay your eyes on the red headed step-child..

Inevitably a copy of Family Matters or All in the Family.

Why would you do this? Forget terrorism. Forget atheism, the fabric of our existence is most threatened by the three pack. In what culture is this deemed acceptable let alone decent? I would rather you cheat me by hiding Tiger Beat between the two than even tempt me with this!!
For the love of Christ and all that is decent and good, eliminate the three pack, so at least I can feel like a civilized human again.
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