I wonder if you call for a reservation they make you wait until 1:05pm

So I’m standing in line today to have a $10 midtown lunch at Ted’s Montana Grill and was told it would be a 10 minute wait. Of course 15 minutes pass and there is still not table in sight when Ted Turner walks in, bypasses the entire line and gets a prime table for his party. Granted it’s his restaurant but what Commie workout chick do I have to finger-bang to get this kind of celebrity treatment?


Not two minutes later, Toni Braxton walk in and her party gets sat right away also, as I’m standing there with my three friends like Joe, Jack and Muhammad Schmo. I realize that getting ass-banged is part of living in a celebrity-gawking society but getting cut in line by Ted Turner and Toni Braxton? He’s a pompous A-hole and this chick hasn’t had a hit single since I was a freshman in college; The combination is like getting cut by ColdPlay and the guy from the Gin Blossoms.

But we are a society which gets glued to the TV to see average idiots become reality TV stars you know that our priorities are all wrong.. So we stand in line and the 10 minute wait-time they promise has come and gone which in most cases wouldn’t be the end of the world expect it’s a lunch-hour not a lunch hour and five minutes. This apparently doesn’t resonate with a guy who pushed back the start to my reruns of the Brady Bunch to 3:05pm when I was a kid.

This celebrity gawking is ridiculous and I’m always proud that NYC is not the hell-hole that LA is but the front pages of AM New York and CNN.com still blast headlines about the dude from Jon and Kate plus Eight making eyes at the octuplet chick which will probably spawn the next reality television show version of the Brady Bunch.

We're dumb enough as a society to watch it and probably bang that show past Celebrity Dancing. Look at our society as we are all glued to CNN when some kid goes up in a helium balloon and they find out that the story was full of hot air and apparently just a publicity stunt. I’m not sure who was happier about it, the crazy professor who invented the balloon or CNN who got great ratings to cover it.

I have a publicity stunt that we can do, we should charge the parents every last penny it cost law-enforcement to chase this hot-air balloon. If they don’t have the money, I would have them clean the roads with their entire family wearing sandwich boards that read “we cost tax-payers $50,000” and if that doesn’t stick than I say you send the father up in the hot-air balloon with Ted Turner, the dude from Coldplay and the Jon plus Kate guy.