I hate my Black Suit

I bought a black suit last summer for the wedding of my BFF and although the suit treated me well (including an unfortunate Bon Jovi under-shirt rendition) it has hung in my closet since that day. Well to say it's hung there isn't exactly accurate as it's seen exactly two days of sunlight and neither for good or Bon Jovi reasons.
See there are only two reasons in the world to wear a black suit, a formal (non black-tie wedding) and a funeral and sadly I don't have enough of the former and way too many of the latter recently.

See black suits look good on pasty white guys because most other colored suits make me look terminally ill. A tan suit on an untannned Dutch guy looks like the untanned Dutch guy's impersonating the Emperor in his new clothes, brown suits work too but that would involved brown shoes which always make my feet look like I am skiing.

But I don't have enough of the good reasons to wear my black suit and way too many bad ones and I starting to resent the suit for it!!

RIP Uncle Johnny
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