Eat Love Pray Suck

So I got caught into 2 hours and 20 minutes of hell when I got pulled into Romantic Comedy Night. Now granted it could have been worse (Maid of Honor 3) but not much.. Now I was glad to find out that despite my fat thighs and sensitive side, after sitting through this I can still claim to be all dude because there was not one second that I enjoyed it.


Now this movie sucked the first time I saw it when it was called Eat Drink Man Woman but somehow this version was worse because as opposed to four smoking hot Asian chicks we get stuck with a very old looking Julia Roberts. Although the movie sucked I wasted 2 hours of my life so you are stuck reading my review.


The premise of the movie is that Julia Roberts goes through some mid-life crisis and decides to dump her husband for some younger dude who looks remarkably similar to her husband. I can’t seem to figure out if she's got a fetish for dudes who like the dude from Entourage or maybe she's just some chick who is unhappy for the sake of being unhappy.

Now we come across the first big plot-twist of this train-wreck…after banging the young dude for a few months she goes through her second mid-life crisis and dumps him and instead of jumping into the sack with some kid in Middle School she decides to quit her job and spend a year traveling the world in search of enlightenment.

So basically it is How Stella Got Her Groove Back meets Where in the World is Carmen Santiago.

The problem is that not only does she not bang any dudes; she also doesn't find a lot of enlightenment. You basically spend the next hour and a half watching some boring travel diary of Erin Brockovich meetings lame people in a bunch of foreign countries.

Finding enlightenment by going to some temple in India to meditate sounds boring enough if you were going to do it yourself but watching somebody else try to find enlightenment by going to some temple in India is like jamming an ice pick into your urethra. You watch her sit in some temple, you watch her talk to some people, you see her ride a bicycle, you see here eating a bunch of food.  This chick does nothing but eat like she is some midwesterner sitting at one of those all-you-can-eat buffets and the only thing that really surprises you is that she isn't 300 lbs by the end of it.  Well she doesn't find a lot of enlightenment and goes on some kind of sex hiatus till she finally meets some new dude who looks like a cross between a boar and a sixty year old version of Entourage guy.  Not only are you surprised her can even get his dinky up without a handful of blue pills but you wonder what she even sees in the boar.  
Anyway as this chick travels the world, I traveled through my IPhone and the good news is that I have 1300 pictures and none of them are of Julia Roberts or the boar.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry