Retail EZ Pass

It is a shock to me that I haven't completely converted all my purchasing to the online variety. I will easily trade off the convenience for the fact that half the time the size isn't right and the actual item only vaguely resembles the picture. The reason is that I absolutely hate, I mean Hate with a capital H the retail store is that I hate other people. It's as if I become instantly claustrophobic once you get me into a store with a thousand other people, my breath becomes short, my skin starts to itch and I break into a full body sweat.

I walked into Toys R Us two days ago and the madness in the place is enough to make you want to pull individual hairs out of your chest.. There are thousands of prepubescent girls running around screaming at decibel levels reserved for canines. After a stressful week of work, no sleep and two beers at lunch, I cannot possibly be expected to deal with this. .

First of all, how the hell is a 34 year old dude suppose to know what his 4 year old niece would be into? I can't tell Dora the Explorer from the chick who gives my buddy happy endings at the massage parlor and I am confronted with so many pink princesses it looks like barbie puked up pepto-bismo.

But the crowds, the waits and the indecision is what really kills you. People spend so much time pulling coupons out of every pocket or searching for a rewards card to save $0.50 that I spend more time waiting on line than I did finding my $12 game of connect-four. There is something very wrong with this picture when people spend more time checking out than actually shopping.

There must be an end to this madness, I have often thought I would pay somebody in front of me to NOT use their coupon. They have to introduce an EZ Pass lane, where you aren't allowed any coupons, exchanges or returns. I would pay full retail for the convenience of not wasting my life away on some endless Toys R Us Line.
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