I'm going out with my boots on

When I go out, I take very little interest in going to any place with a dress code. Most of the time I'll be standing there with my dirty little hat with it's crooked little grin and my dirty jeans on cause honestly who cares that much to impress anybody. I am so done with places you gotta dress up for that unless they let me in with my boots on, I am likely to pee on the seat and then not wash my hands..
The worst is those places with their "X bottle minimum". There is not a worst deal in the world than going to some brutally cramped club, shouting over the horrible music with a bunch of euro-trashy, south asian, off-trendy pseudo rock-stars and then being told that it's like $50 a head to cover the bottle of warm Grey Goose and it's partner in crime Tanqueray sitting in some flimsy bucket on the table. Of course they throw in a couple of crappy mixers and some warm ice which we in Brooklyn call water.
People have tried to convince me hundreds of times how good a deal this is but they obviously never past seventh grade math. Two bottles at $350 each for 10 people is still $70 a person and that doesn't even pay for the $8 miller lites I am going to be ordering at the bar.

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