Sunday, July 17, 2016

Take on the mid summer family photo shoot

Not only did I agree to a full family photo shoot in the middle of the summer, I suggested we take the 11:45 slot in the middle of Central Park on a Sunday in the middle of July. This combination could make a grown man cry, and today it just about did. I was covered in sweat one block from parking my minivan after schlepping my family of five into the city today, before we even entered the park, my pits were a swamp and my balls were soaked and we hadn't even gotten to the park yet. I had spent fifteen minutes circling to find a spot, he maneuvered my double standard stroller past a piping pile of dog crap but still managed to get some on my shoe and was about to shove some ahole looking to sell me an umbrella

But hell really hit me,l when we entered the park. I had forgotten why every local was in the Hamptons this weekend because is 95 degrees and the park is swarming with tourists who are not at all concerned that I'm running late and that binding give a flying rats ass that they are looking for Strawberry Fields. And when I almost got run over by some dipshit on a CityBike, I just about lost it when I told him to shove his crappy bike up his Midwestern ass.
I had already spent my morning getting my girls dressed which involved me screaming at the top of my lungs for guys, had their hit brushed which was like the equivalent of taking a rusty rake through some foot high weeds and had threatened them with every thing I could think of to make sure they smiled during the session

I'll pick up my Father of The Year award next week

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