Sunday, June 13, 2010

The Great Summer Ale debate

I love beer
I love summer
And I love chicks

So really who better to review this year's Summer Ales? I have tried all this years official entries (granted I am limiting this to the ones available at the local Bodega) and have my full review ready.

First PlaceBrooklyn Summer AleThis years version doesn't disappoint, proving again that the best things in life are made in Brooklyn. The 2010 version is impressive in taste and flavor. Brooklyn Brewery has probably been making this variation for a half a decade and I'm pleasantly surprised year in-year out. If I were a beer critic I could tell you the flavor isn't overwhelming, the texture not overly complex, the hops not overpowering and whatever other mumbo jumbo crap but honestly it tastes good and that's enough for me

Second Place just means you were the first loser
Blue Moon HoneymoonLike most Blue Moon this makes you want to take a dump almost immediately as it proves to be the best diuretic this side of one of those nasty cookies people eat. The flavor is good, the texture is OK, the refreshment level is high and it's better than most things.

Third place is like winning tickets to a see a bunch of chicks mud-wrestle and finding out that the contestants look like the New York Liberty
Michelob Ultra
Not "technically" a summer ale but I had one in my fridge and these lists really should have more than a couple of entries. It tastes like a watered down macro-brew which is to say it tastes like a watered down water.. I am convinced that if you blindfolded 10 people and gave them a Michelob Ultra and a seltzer water they wouldn't know the difference. When they found out maybe some people would come to their senses they may realize the seltzer actually tasted better. This beer is so bland it makes those comedies on CBS seem cutting edge.

Bringing up the rear..
Sam Adams Summer AleThis tastes like Jim Cooke pissed in a bottle and called it Summer Ale. The flavor is bland and boring and the aftertaste is worse. I can't tell you exactly what I hate worse the flavor or the fact I feel like I have to burp up a burrito worth of hops. I would say that at $12.99 a six-pack (yes this is what it goes for) I think you'd be better off getting onto the Fung Wa bus and licking the aholes of the unshowered college kids and chinamen  of that bus on your way to kick some craft beer ass.

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