Take on the wet bathing suit

There is nothing, I mean nothing, I hate more than sitting around all day in a wet bathing suit. Maybe it is the chafing, maybe it is the prime breeding ground for fungus or maybe it is the fact that is is plain uncomfortable but those mesh inner shorts are just miserable to wear. The issue is not just wearing it, the issue is the long term repercussions because if I sit in a wet bathing suit for a half a day, you can literally play connect the dots on my ass the next day with all the zits that will have formed. I break out like a 14 year old girl at an overnight sleepover pizza party and my entire ass looks like it's been attacked by a thousand mosquitos
The first company that comes up with a non zit on the ass bathing suit will have my business for life

Take on bad tattoos

The worst thing about going to a water park isn't the heat, the lines or the cost, it is having to be confronted with some of the worst tattoos known to man. This is especially true when you get on the NorthEastern shoreline because the lower the cost of the hotel, the higher the amount of back ink. They are all terrible but what I will never understand the need to tattoo a baby picture on your back but go to any water park in the vicinity of Pennsylvania and it is all you see. Every white trash ahole putting down a case of Yuengling at Sesame Place or Hersey Park also has a full sized baby picture tattooed over his disgustingly white back which is so stretched out that little Avril Rose now looks like the kid from Poltergeist. The irony is that the stretch marks almost always appear right under the eyes, so the kid is crying along with his dad's terrible life decision.
This rings true for any resort town in Maryland, Jersey or Delaware, too, the closer
to PA the higher the occurrences. It is like the entire state decided to enter into a tournament of who can get to the most terrible tattoo.

Take on the technical glitch

When three of the biggest companies go down faster than a fluffed in The Valley, I start to worry not because I believe it must be terrorism but because it probably is. Maybe it originated from the Balkans, maybe it came from North Korea, maybe it came from ISIS, maybe it came from Russia or maybe it came from some former Soviet satellite state but I don't believe in coincidence. I look for common themes and I think I have figured it out. Today United Airlines had to ground a bunch of flights, the NYSE had to suspend trading and the WallStreetJournal had an 504 error on their front page which could only mean one thing, insider trading. We all know that the NYSE and the WSJ are owned by the same people, people so having both the biggest stock exchange and their biggest watchdog go down simultaneously is a bit too coincidental for my taste. Add to that an airline in bed with the owners and I think it becomes an easy case of connect the dots, the dots on my ass. I believe the United system went down after they were about to announce abysmal second quarter earnings, and were afraid how it would affect their stock prices. They traded this information with the WSJ to allow their owners to get out of some stock positions and encourage them to stop the stock exchange for a few hours so that some odd trading patterns could be disguised as part of the glitch. The market is disrupted in the middle of the summer, so the collateral damage is minimal and a bunch of stock brokers got to eat lunch at the park today, so they aren't bitching.

I wonder if FoxNews will be covering this one

:tinfoilhat:

Take on Jared

Today's post was going to be about the amount of bad tattoos at a budget family resort versus that of a more established Hilton resort but our bat signal was called today when news broke of a story we HAD to cover. We've been calling the former fat guy turned skinny guy turned back to miserably fat guy a fraud for years (http://takeonrighetti.blogspot.com/2014/05/take-on-jared.html?m=1) but now our worst nightmares have come true with this fat bastard now being accused of being a fat pervert. Yeah we know that nothing is official and we are going to reserve judgement until after the trial but this guy always looked a bit like the kind of guy that should have to go door-to-door to announce he was moving into the neighborhood.
Maybe it's all a big misunderstanding but when the feds raid your house and take away boxes of crap and your computer, it is a pretty good sign that you weren't watching episodes of New Girl on your laptop. I hope he can keep his diet up on refried beans and prison slop cause I don't think they are serving $5 footlongs in prison..or maybe they are.

Take on 60million reasons to not be an idiot

The Giants say they are only concerned about Jason Pierre-Paul's well being but anybody with half a brain knows they must be furious at their pro-bowl defensive lineman. This idiot didn't get caught smoking weed or drinking and driving or soliciting a prostitute but instead decided that he needed to set off some fireworks because God forbid when you are a multimillionaire you don't pay somebody to set off fireworks or, I don't know, go and check out the one that Macy*s puts on

But good luck getting a new $60million contract or even a $6 million dollar one, kind of hard to play the position looking like Jim Abbott

Take on the mean facebook post

Saw an article about some woman who posted a photo of a mom carrying her kid on her back and pushing another in the stroller. She was being outed for her behavior on Facebook by a store employee who was commenting on her parenting style or the state of America's youth or something.

The post stated

"this is the kind of ignorance that gets passed down to kids and ppl enable their children to be independent. This girl is at least 5, but what u don't see in his picture is the 1 1/2 yr old in the stroller. God people are f*cking Stupid!!!"

The mom pictures in the photo was notified of the helicopter parenting advice on Facebook from somebody who she knew who saw it. I don't even want my kids photographed and posted on Facebook so that would annoy the hell out of me but what would upset me more is that I really have no idea what the post is suppose to say.
Is the woman lazy for carrying the kid, the kid lazy for being carried while the other one is in the stroller or is the entire country just lazy and ignorant because we use carriers and strollers?

I have no clue but I often carry my kids after a long day, one on my shoulders, one in a carrier and the other in the stroller which I would say is the antithesis of lazy

Take on the fall of a champion

There was a day when The Bambino couldn't get around on a fastball anymore, Michael Jordan looked like beach ball when he played for the Wizards, Tiger Woods started to suck randomly one day (well maybe it was not that randomly), at the end of his career Muhammad Ali was a shell of himself and now the ultimate American hero has been dethroned. Eight years after Joey Chestnut got final retribution for Pearl Harbor, he was beaten by an upstart who nobody ever heard of. Well, I guess we've heard of him but like Buster Douglas, nobody thought he could take down the champ but take down the champ he did

62 hotdogs later, Nathan's Hot Dog competition has a new champion but at least he's an American (I think). Now it's up to Chestnut to come back leaner and meaner next year

On a side note, I had three dogs today at the town 4th of July celebration in about 6 minutes and felt like I was going to puke

Take on Americano

Nothing is more American than the headline I read today which stated that a man burned by fajitas while praying is allowed to sue Applebee's because, well, it was probably not a very good fajita.
I can't quite imagine what happened in this case but somehow I am sure Applebee's was not really to blame. Maybe some dude decided to kneel down in the aisle and some snot nosed college kid carrying five hundred dishes tripped over him, maybe some crazy dude was waving his hands like some lunatic and knocked over a passing plate of sizzling meat as some waiter in the weeds was trying to get the food to the table or maybe the guy had one of those totally lame moments which you see at those mega churches or college Korean Christian Association things where the pastor touches some guys head and all of a sudden they drop to the ground which you could see resulting in a fajita mishap. Either way I kind of find it hard to blame the crappy chain restaurant for this l.
But still, this is what we've come to, we live in a a country where there are only two things we can agree on
1) that everything should be able to result it a lawsuit and 2) that Applebee's makes a crapy fajita.

Take on the human killing robots

Forget Robocop or 2001, there are real live German robots killing real live German contractors roaming this great German world. This week an assembly line robot destroyed a guy installing the machine by picking him up with the robotic arm and crushing his little German bones under the weight of five tons of Volkswagen making steel. I get that this will probably be blamed on some vague malfunction but it is time to realize that AI is real and scary and I'm not referring to practice but an actual game situation. These robots have gotten so 'smart' they will not just take away good paying German jobs but they will kill them also. I already see a Third World War on the horizon and this time there is no cold Russian winter that will stop these things

Take on The Donald

Donald Trump has had quite a week. Since he has announced his plans to run for president he has managed to insult everybody, get fired from his job at NBC, sued Univision and now we find out that Macy*s has dropped his line of clothing

Our only question is...why would anybody buy a Donald Trump line of clothing?? If it is typical Trump it will look like King Tut on steroids which is probably not a good look for anybody and if it more in the style that he dresses than I have greatly overrated the fashion sense of this country. For being such a loud rich loudmouth, it is shocking how badly this man dresses which is hard to imagine since he usually wears dark suits. The problem is that he always looks like he is smuggling a sleeping bag over the Rio Grande with the way his shirt balloons out but worse than that is the fact he always looks like he's tied his tie about three inches too long. An adult man should have his tie reach the bottom of his belt buckle but Trump routinely has his dangling between his legs like it's a geriatric man's sack.
Time to suck in that belly and get a tie that fits otherwise your political career is going nowhere

Take on ridiculously overprotective parenting

Caught a tweet this morning announcing the #NationalSafetyMonth and warned parents about the dangers of kids in shopping carts.  I won't go so far as clicking the link which promises to teach me to prevent that but figure that it probably goes something like this

- wrap kid in bubble wrap

- put bubble wrapped kid inside giant balloon

- tie string of balloon to the handle of the shopping car

-buy tons of shit you don't want

- drink heavily 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the Supreme Court Decision

When the Supreme a court ruling came down on Friday, I decided to discuss it with my five year old daughter.   She a smart girl and I thought she could handle it and figure that even if the issue itself wouldn't resonate with her, the celebration certainly would.  What five year old girl isn't thrilled about the thought of the Empire State Building and The White House being lid up in a rainbow?   But even past the celebration, I thought this was an important enough event in our country's history that she should know where she was when it came to pass.   

I have always been good at playing the role of the contrarian so can usually find an argument for both sides but this time was different.  I can see both sides of the argument about the death penalty, the war on drugs, Obamacare and even abortion but on this I was lost. 

My daughter, like many kids her age, is incredibly inquisitive and she won't let something pass without asking about it and then asking about the answer and the answer after that.  It is in her nature to want to know why something happens and will not accept 'because', which I guess is the gift of young and unspoiled mind. 

The conversation went like this

Righetti

So the court ruled today that two women can marry each other, you know like Masi and Aunt K.   As of today the whole country knows they are married. Before today they weren't allowed 

Daughter

Why were they not allowed before?

Righetti

Because some people didn't like two girls being married

Daughter

why?

Righetti

They said that they couldn't be a true family because they didn't have a papa

Daughter

But Masi and Aunt K have a real family

Righetti

Yes, but some people don't think they should

Daughter

But why?

Righetti

Because they say that a family should have a papa and mama and that would make the kids happier

Daughter 

But my cousin seems happy. 

Righetti

Yes, that is true he is a very lucky boy but some people don't think that they should be allowed to be a family

Daughter

But I don't understand why

Righetti 

They think that everybody should have the same kind of family

Daughter

But everybody is different 

Righetti

Yes, but people thought that there was something wrong with that

Daughter

Why?

Righetti

Because it wasn't what they were taught as kids

Daughter

Maybe they weren't paying attention, maybe they were distracted 

Righetti 

Maybe. They think that because Masi and Aunt K are married that their own marriage isn't the same

Daughter

Why?

Righetti 

Because they think it changes what marriage and a family is 

Daughter

But I just don't understand why they can't be a family 

Righetti

Me neither 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Precision Computers

I always wonder how businesses stay in business, a fruit shake place on a county road, a bagel shop without easy parking or a dry cleaner right next to another dry cleaner but nothing has me scratching my head more than the computer store. I have no idea who would ever shop at a place like this yet there still seem to be hundreds of them around. Seems to me that there will be a direct correlation for AOL and people who buy a computer at a place like Precision Computers

Take on the ISIS guy at the Gay Pride parade

There is nothing that screams Islamic State manifesto better than the Gay Pride Parade so it was not at all surprising when CNN and their swarm of reporters found an ISIS flag at the parade this weekend. These Islamifacists are doing some major outreach here showing some serious love of mankind, and they should be commended for their progressive views.
So here is to you crazy terrorist guy, enjoy the frozen margaritas, banana hammocks and chaps

Take on the guy who parks in front of my house

I have given up any sense of a social life, any hope for a decent restaurant, any level of coolness not to mention the 3 hours per day I give up in commuting time to live in the suburbs.   The two things that make it palatable is that my kids have plenty of room to play and I don't have to search for parking spot. 

But I have come across another issue which makes me want to rip my eyes out, for some reason one of my neighbors has decided to regularly park in front of my house even though they have a driveway, garage and, well, their own sidewalk to park in front of.  I get that it is a free world and I don't have rights over the space in front of my house but I find it incredibly irritating that when I look out of my window it looks like I am living in a strip mall.  There are some laws about overnight parking but it only applies to the winter months but still I always park in my driveway.  If you have a nice neighborhood there is no quicker way to turn a it into a white trash hole than having the streets look like my morning commute through the Lincoln Tunnel 

But as absolutely horrible as it looks on a street as a whole, it would seem that at minimum people have some common courtesy by not leaving their cars parked in front of my house because I moved out to the burbs to not look like I live on 5th avenue. 

Of course, now I am in the position of having to either confront my neighbor which will obviously be awkward and may lead to unneeded bad blood or I play a very passive aggressive game of property rights and start parking in front of his house.  

Or maybe I'll be even more passive and just pee on his hedge 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the STD detection condom

We have to give major props to the three high school students who invented a condom that detects STDs. The concept behind it is that when it comes into contact with something like clamydia or syphilis it changes color sort of like one of those mood rings except when this thing turns red you get very not in the mood

The issue we have with this is that as a dude you have to actually insert your JoJo into a chick before her STD has a chance to react to the condom, so at that point how many dudes are able to say "forget this" I'm stopping. The concept is cool but it feels like this thing is like a device that slaps you in the head as you get home drunk after having driven back from the bar.

Take on the blocked cell phone number

I've been dealing with a couple of contractors lately and have dealt with the typical problems when dealing with these guys (unreliable, not finishing work, more expensive than expected etc) so was thrilled to find a guy to do some masonry work who seemed decent and came with a load of positive Angie's List reviews. My issue is that ever time the guy calls, his number shows up as unknown which means I ignore the call. I already hate speaking on my phone, so if you block your cellphone number, I have a good reason to not pick it it up. But I now constantly miss calls from the guy which makes working with him impossible since I need to coordinate a bunch of things and that doesn't work if you spend half the time playing phone tag
I get blocking your number if you are a single girl or whatever but if this is you are a 59 year old man and this is your business line?? WTF

Take on the prison break plan

I saw today that those two murders broke out of that 'maximum' security prison basically using a couple of files smuggled into the prison inside a cake. I always hear Norman Seabrook come on the air and describe how great these corrections officers work but Jesus Christ these jackasses fell for the oldest trick in the book. We know that these maximum security prisons are held together with duct tape and bubble gum but you gotta watch a couple of 80's cartoon fellas because this is a black eye for the correction officers if I've ever seen one

So now just remember that when David Sweat show up with him Rom Jeremy sized unit that he likes his meat cooked well done and double stuffed

Take on Puff Daddy

Seems like Puffy Combs is a pretty ferocious daddy after all, just today the former producer and part time Knick fan (when they are winning) got charged with assault after swinging a kettlebell at the head of former Jets strength and conditioning coach. The incident stems from some language and tone that Puffy took offense to when the coach, Sal Alosi, was berating his lovable little Justin who happens to be a defensive back on the UCLA men's football team. I get that these coaches are suppose to be teachers or whatever and nobody likes their kid getting berated but the chances are that little Justin was probably not in as good a shape as he should have been and was living off his fatcat lifestyle that his daddy provides for him. I don't begrudge him that lifestyle or that kind of money, but also have to think that if he wants to play big time football he (or his daddy) has to get some thicker skin.

I get that you want to look out for your kid but this guy is an adult playing for a major PAC 12 program and probably has hopes of an NFL career and now it's apparent that his old man is half Archie Manning and half Jimmy Hart

The thing is that Putfy comes across as such a wannabe stooge that he has to resort to a kettlebell because I can't imagine anybody shaking in their boots when he starts an argument without a weapon, but if I am Alosi, I sure as shit stating way from yelling at Snoops son because his old man definitely has connections

Take on red velvet strap open toed shoes for a man

Was in the bagel shop this weekend and a dude walked in with John Stockton length Bahamas shorts and a pair of red velvet strap on shoes. This look is not acceptable for any dude, I don't care who or what you are. Not only is it ridiculously ugly, they are also completely impractical. You can't wear velvet shoes to the pool and the straps have to make them a total pain to put on and off and the fact they are open toed means that you have to keep your cuticles cut which is about as likely for a dude like me as seeing me shave wearing John Stockton Bahama shorts