Take on Chinese meal etiquette

Having had hundreds of meals in China over my life, I have learned a
few things.

- fill up at breakfast on bread. It will likely be the safest meal if the day

- choose one or two things per meal that you will eat, they will
assume you are just a big fan of mushrooms or chicken.

- be the animated guy. This will allow you to stay engaged and with
your flailing arms and constant jokes might allow you to hide the fact
that you are spitting all that great chicken into your napkin

- when they break out the "white wine" opt for beer. They will still
see it as alcohol and you will feel worlds better the next day

- if you are forced to drink the white wine, squirrel it away in your
cheeks and spit it into your water cup. That stuff is anti-freeze bad

- don't eat anything that has been washed but not cooked. No salads,
raw vegetables of fruits. If you are told not to drink the water,
why would you eat something that was just rinsed with said water?!?

- avoid the fish, 1000 miles from the ocean means that the fish you
are about to enjoy probably has three eyes

- low expectations. It's going to suck one way or another but if you
go in expecting it to taste like ferret and it tastes like squirrel
you aren't disappointed

- use chopsticks. Nothing is quite as lame as asking somebody to hand
you a fork. Even if you are trying to pick up a slippery eel, just
stab the thing instead of becoming the guy who needed a fork.