Take on the beach

Years ago I had a couple of friends who loved going to the beach and I
could not understand why. I mean, I loved seeing the hot chicks and
liked the ocean but the thought of laying out in the sun all day was
as appealing as getting kicked in the nards. The two of them would
lay our with an iPod and sun all day and I would be sitting on the
boardwalk with a lemonade counting the hours till we went back home
again and it took my 20 years to figure out what I was doing wrong.
It's not that I hate the beach, it's that I hate sitting out under the
blazing heat for 5 straight hours. First of all sitting under the sun
on a clear day is blinding even with shades on and it's usually so hot
that you can't do anything but sleep. Add to that the fact that I am
a few shades lighter than white and when I lay out I can basically
feel the cancer burning into my skin and always ended up looking like
a fried lobster after an hour. It didn't help that at that age guys
where too homophobic or grossed out to put any sunscreen on my back,
so I was just forced to suffer.
Now I go to the beach at 9am, hang till 11 and don't even think about
going back till well after 3pm and do it with the biggest beach
umbrella I can find. I'd even wear a burka if I could find a water
resistant one