Take on the ESPN2

I went to sleep a happy man, Wednesday was to be a beautiful day, work was going well, I had sushi for dinner and there was no reason for me to not wake up with a huge sh!t eating grin on my face, instead I felt sick when I glanced at my cell-phone and saw a picture of a gigantic nasty dump he took last night and decided to capture for posterity 

 

It's 1:05 AM and I am still at the office.  I must have been the last person in the building for a few hours now - including the cleaning staff.  I didn't think I would be here this late, as is usually the case.  I tried to wait until I got home, but I just couldn't hold out anymore.  I decided to take a break a few minutes ago and hit the stall.  It was a nice relief, actually.  The cleaning people had done a nice job with new toilet paper rolls and the seats cleaned and lifted in every stall. 

Of course, I chose the handicapped stall for the ample room and the lowered mirror allowing me to stare at myself during my moment of relaxation.  Other than the feeling of relief after waiting so long, nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  The entire process was done and over in about 5 minutes and I felt rejuvenated - like I just shed a 2.5 lb. tumor from my bung.  Yes, literally 2.5 pounds.  I don't know where it came from.  I hadn't ate that much in 3 days. 

As I stood up to flush, I noticed that the entire content of my entrails were left above the water towards the front of the bowl.  This is territory is no-mans land for entails... sort of like being above the tree line when lighting is coming.  Well, maybe not.  But it's not good. 

I tried flushing and all of the toilet paper was whisked away down the drain, but my duty remained.  Stubborn.  Defiant.  Santorum.  Sort of like the Occupiers still hanging out in the middle of the park in February.  I flushed again.  Same result.  Again and again.  Same result over and over.  I finally gave up and came back to my office to finish up for the night.  I will leave, but my duty shall remain to greet all of the morning visitors with newspapers and freshly digested coffees. 

Massive, might duty - will you still be here when I return in the morning?

 

 

now anybody who reads TOR religiously will know that bathroom etiquette and bowel movements are topics we cover regularly and take tremendous pride in.   So when I read this I was sick to my stomach NOT because it was disgusting to see another man's poop..  I was sick to my stomach because I couldn't fathom being able to fill up a bowl like this..  The gauntlet has been thrown down my skinny pasty looking friend.. you've been warned because I'm going on a run of Gray's Papayas, White Mana's, Burritoville, dirty gyros, Bump Chili and some of Golden Shower Lou's wingers while only drinking unfiltered beer for a week... then we'll see who the real champ is.