Monday, November 30, 2009

So Tiger Woods does a automotive face plant into a hydrant and the rest of the country rubber-necks to work. We've all read the accounts, vague as they may be, and in the end you know that this wasn't a case of too my tryptophan for Tiger after Thanksgiving.

Tiger claims he rolled out of his driveway, passed out, hit a tree and a hydrant and his wife used a golf club to break the back window and pull his unconscious husband out of the car.

But go to TMZ and the rumors are swirling that the face lacerations were caused not my the accident but my the golf club his swedish model turned wife violently swung after the questioned him about an alleged affair he was having.

Here are the most important TOR questions

Number A
- this entire accident occurred at 2AM on Friday morning. Where the hell is Tiger Woods going on Thanksgiving Night at 2AM? Like TW, I have a young child at home and unless I am going to get pampers I am in bed, dead tired. Dude the day is set up watch the Lions get spanked, eat dinner when the Cowboys take the field and doze off before half-time of the 8pm game

Number B
- the accident happened at less than 33mph since the airbags did not deploy, how f'd up could you really get from an impact when you are pulling out of your driveway? There is no way you fall unconscious from an impact at a speed of a golf-cart

Number C
- how hot was the chick he was allegedly cheating with since we know his wife is a world-class piece of ass.

Who knows about the first two TOR questions and frankly I don't care but the last point is an important one. See it doesn't matter how hot the chick is cause you know his wife-model-Swede- is a total pain in the ass. Find me a uber hot chick and I will find you a dude who would prefer to stick his penis in a pile of mashed potatoes. You know his wife is whiny, high maintenance and probably a dead fish in the sack. It wouldn't shock me if the new chick looked and acted like Rosie Perez

There is a direct inverse correlation: the hotter and more glamorous they are the more likely it is that the guy porking her wants to shoot his brains out.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

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