Sunday, August 14, 2016

Take on the SpermCheck home test

I realized that six weeks have past since I went under the knife which was the amount of time my doctor said I needed to come back to make sure the pipes were clean. Apparently, even after a they cut the supply line, there is a chance a couple of the suckers stay alive waiting to cause major trauma upon an unsuspecting 40 year old father of three, so they want you to come back in and ejaculate into a cup so they can check. Not wanting to go back to a doctor's office for this (I'm not good under pressure) I searched the interweb for something I could do a bit more discreetly and low and behold there is an over the counter option. It's like the equivalent of an over the counter pregnancy test but for dudes. The issue is that after I got home from CVS, the one they sell is not the vasectomy version but the fertility version which just tells a dude whether he has Michael Phelps swimmers (two stripes) or if he has that weird Ukrainian dude who looked like he puked in the pool (one stripe). The issue is that it only tells you how strong the athletes are not whether they pool has been cleared because a two year old dropped a deuce in the pool.

There is nothing like having to return a SpermCheck box at your local CVS when you don't have a receipt. They ask you a hundred questions, call over a manager and make them give you your drivers license number to boot. Glad to know the entire town now thinks my boys can't swim

No comments: