Take on New Years Eve in -2 degrees wind chill

I haven't spent a New Years Eve in Times Square in a decade and there is nothing that sounds less appealing than standing with a million drunk fools pissing on each other but this year I'd rather punch myself in the balls than spending tonight in -2 wind chill weather. I have to wonder if there is anybody who is standing there who isn't a complete raging lunatic or at least one of the loneliest losers alive because they don't get an invite to any party that is inside
Anyway, I'll be asleep by the time these morons thaw out

Take on the drunk coffee boy

We've all had those nights when we get just a little too drunk in front of proper company and spend the next morning wondering "how did I get here, what have I done?" Our favorite coffee boy probably felt that way a few months ago although maybe he was so black our drunk that he didn't even recall it. But what this entire episode does is put in perspective Trump's bizarre call-out for Russia to hack the DNC during the election. It's as if he can't just be happy floating his own alternative fact, he has to walk a tightrope where the thrill of almost getting caught gets him off

But this is or President, a guy who has spent his entire career on false stories, lies and innuendos..just this time he can take the entire free world down with him

Take on the Tubby in Chief

Most presidents look like they've aged a decade for every year they depend in office. Their eyes get baggy, their hair goes white and they start to have wrinkles where once there were none. Trump is different than most...his hair hasn't changed color (I wonder why?!?), he doesn't look any more tired than before and his eyes look as weaselly as ever.
What he has done is gain about 30 pounds, he has always been a pretty disgusting human but recently he has just added pounds onto his frame like most people add extra croutons to a salad. He has a terrible diet, doesn't exercise much and spends hours in front of the television, so the weight gain can't be a complete surprise but for a guy as vain as Trump, you'd think he could do something about the fact that he's starting to approach Kim Jong Un size
Then again, maybe he just doesn't care although it must kill him that Vladimir parades around topless while he wears a shirt which looks like a Trump National tarp

Take on the most ignorant man in America

Ronald McTrump proved again that he is as dumb as his supporters, or his supporters are as dumb as he is..whatever

He tweeted his theory about Climate Change using the dumbest possible justification 

"In the East, it could be the COLDEST New Year's Eve on record. Perhaps we could use a little bit of that good old Global Warming that our Country, but not other countries, was going to pay TRILLIONS OF DOLLARS to protect against," he wrote. "Bundle up!"

This argument has been debunked a hundred times already but when you don't believe in science, anything can be a fact.  This is where we are, our president is so thick headed that he cannot understand that weather <> climate

But then again this is a guy whose team tried to imbed "obama was out playing golf" into their website to show up whenever a webpage was down.  

Oh the irony

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Harry’s snub of Trump

The Sun had an article today about how the British government was afraid that Prince Harry would invite Obama to his wedding which would undoubtedly draw the ire of the fat guy in the Oval Office.
Supposedly Obama and Harry got close during the Invictus Games, a pet project of the Prince's and have spent some time together since, so it's not that odd that Obama would be invited. It would also make sense that the US has a representative, and who better than a former president.
But then again the present office holder is a perpetual child which means this entire thing will play out like a fourth grade birthday party and Little Donnie is going to have a temper tantrum if he doesn't get invited to Little Harry's party at Medieval Times but Little Barry does

Take on the AT&T payoff

There was nothing more obvious to us at TOR than the payoff AT&T gave their workers in the Anke of the TaxReform in exchange for leniency on their desired takeover of TimeWarner. The $200million they dolled out -and took great bows for- was already ridiculous as most people would have just seen them as Christmas Bonuses, ones that people get regardless of tax reform. But the blatant stroke of Trump's ego with their statement trumpeting the reform served one purpose...to get the justice department off of their back
How else do they justify laying off thousands of employees if they claim that the business climate has so greatly improved

Take on the presidential dump photo

The president and first lady called members of the armed forces today for which they were photographed in front of a huge -likely fake- tree at Mar-a-Lago.
The gesture was admirable but the picture tableau told a different story. Trump sitting on a teeny chair looked like he was sitting on the can with his huge belly hanging over his tiny dinky. Melania had her entire body positioned away from her disgusting husband and looked like a woman who was stuck in a horrible marriage to a horrible person and stuck a room while that horrible husband took a horrible dump
Their entire body language looked like two people who hate everything about the other one which ironically is how the rest of the country feels, too.

Glad to see their marriage is doing great

Take on the “we all just got a lot richer” quote

Perhaps he's just tone deaf or more likely that he just  doesn't care but when Trump showed up at Mar-a-Lago he took some bows for his tax reform saying "we all got a lot richer" which is interesting since Big Huck, Sarah Sanders claimed that he would actually be paying more under the new legislation.  Obviously nobody believed that, Big Huck included, but you'd hope he wouldn't gloat about it minutes later.  But this is Trump and delivering tons of money to his rich friends and more importantly- his rich family is what this is all about for him

Merry Christmas suckers, you elected a guy who is in it for one thing and one thing only...Donald Trump

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the forever president

We're never getting this guy out, ever. I'm now convinced that Trump will not only serve out his four years but may even add another 4 (or more) years to it. His base is as fanatical as ever, his support is only growing in Congress (see Ryan, Paul; Paul, Rand; Graham Lindsey; McConnell, Mitch) as they have gone from skeptical or down right never-Trump to lapdogs.
But with his comments about all Haitians having aids or Nigerians living in huts, it's obvious that he doesn't fear anything

It's over.

Take on Trump’s challenge coin

Trump released his challenge coin and as expected he turned a nice presidential tradition cheesy. The gaudy coin is twice as thick and a lot more gold looking and instead of the eagle it now has his stupid Make American Great Again logo. In fact it looks like the kind of broach my grandmother would have worn, except for the idiotic MAGA crap.
But this is typical Trump, always overcompensating for the fact he likely has one of those micropenises. Which has to be troubling since it's likely hard to find with his little hands as he's digging below his gigantic belly.

Hope the US Soldiers giving their lives to defend our freedom appreciate this.

Take on the weird Trump-Pence relationship

I thought pornography wasn't allowed on normal cable TV but I caught a clip of Mike Pence openly felating Donald Trump on CNN today and it was disgusting. I know that to be part of Trump's inner circle you have to willing to pull back your hair, open your mouth and swallow hard but what I saw today was even more sickening. Good news for Pence was that Orrin Hatch acted as the fluffer, so at least he knew Donald was ready for him.

Take on the public korean bathroom

I'm often more than a bit confused about things I see in Korea and nothing confused me more than walking into a coffee shop bathroom and seeing they had a shower. Maybe this is similar to those eye washers you see near chemicals, you know if somebody accidentally spills a cappuccino on yourself. Or maybe this is just a really big bidet but either way, I'm not touching that thing

Take on the new infrastructure plan

Trump's initial response to the deadly Amtrak crash was to bring up his infrastructure plan which might very well be the one thing that could get bipartisan support in 2017. What he didn't realize was that this was a new line basically running on its maiden voyage. The line was built using the 2008 stimulus money which will only mean that Trump will blame the crash on Obama. Within two days, Hannity will be calling for an investigation into the Obama plan and calling for Obama to be arrested for neglect as if he were wearing the hardhat

Oh the wonderful world we live in

Take on the yenta in Chief

The more you look at Trump, the more he looks like a menopausal woman. He got off of the helicopter after a weekend at Camp David and looked like he had just gone through a weekend after his wife caught him cheating with the cleaning lady.
What is most amazing is how badly the guy dresses, he claims to be a billionaire yet her wears mismatched suits, stupidly long ties backed with masking tape and those idiotic hats big dome hats everywhere he goes.
I have to think he puts those hats on because otherwise the Marine One propellers would blow his hair around like that Marilyn Monroe photo

He's such an embarrassment

Take on the yenta in Chief

The more you look at Trump, the more he looks like a menopausal woman. He got off of the helicopter after a weekend at Camp David and looked like he had just gone through a weekend after his wife caught him cheating with the cleaning lady.
What is most amazing is how badly the guy dresses, he claims to be a billionaire yet her wears mismatched suits, stupidly long ties backed with masking tape and those idiotic hats big dome hats everywhere he goes.
I have to think he puts those hats on because otherwise the Marine One propellers would blow his hair around like that Marilyn Monroe photo

He's such an embarrassment

Take on the yenta in Chief

The more you look at Trump, the more he looks like a menopausal woman. He got off of the helicopter after a weekend at Camp David and looked like he had just gone through a weekend after his wife caught him cheating with the cleaning lady.
What is most amazing is how badly the guy dresses, he claims to be a billionaire yet her wears mismatched suits, stupidly long ties backed with masking tape and those idiotic hats big dome hats everywhere he goes.
I have to think he puts those hats on because otherwise the Marine One propellers would blow his hair around like that Marilyn Monroe photo

He's such an embarrassment

Take on Mueller’s investigation

Ty Cobb came in with his cleats low for a change and said that the President has not considered firing Robert Mueller which we believe as much as we believe that Cobb is actually Santa Claus. The rumors are swirling that the big Christmas present that Trump will be getting under his big fake Christmas tree will not just be his gigantic tax cut which will benefit him and all his buddies but also a clean slate when he fires Mueller on the 22nd

Maybe Mueller's investigation isn't going anywhere, something nobody really believes, but to not let it come to a natural conclusion because of a Hannity lead attack on him.

Anyway, sitting in Seoul I'm worried about the lunatic sitting a few hundred miles north of me but somehow the lunatic sitting 7000 miles east of me is the one I'm more concerned about

Take on the presidential circle jerk

Apparently Corey Lewandowski wrote a book this year and by the sounds of it, it has sold well which just tells you that there are still about 63 million people out there who are not all that bright

But he got an extra bump when Trump endorsed the book and then he returned the favor by openly felating the president. The irony is that the chances of Trump actually reading this book is virtually zero because, well, it's a book.

This is the problem with political commentary now, it is all just one group talking to the same group. Nobody read Hillary's book who didn't also vote for her, nobody will read Lewandowski's book unless they park their car on their lawn and drink Bud Lites out of a can.

But anyway, I hear that Amazon is sold out which is good for Lewandowski even if he blames Bezos for trying to corrupt the process. Corey's never had better publicity because being sold out is the best possible thing.

Take on The Big Guy

After thirty years, the big guy finally signed off. Everybody had their say, there were in-depth newspaper articles, stories on TV and even a feature on NPR but today Fatso finally called it quits.
I grew up listening to this guy, literally. I bet I first started when I was 15 and have basically listened since then. I'd hide a transistor radio in my coat in school, would go for lunch breaks just to listen to my Walkman, would drive the long way to get another few minutes and turned to 98.7 whenever he interviews Eli at 5:05.
I don't listen as often as I used to, but with the internet and twitter, following it has never been easier, so this has been a 25+ year journey for me.

The best part about Fatso is how much he pissed people off, I have a friend who will literally scream at the radio when Francesa said something that he never said. The anger that this guy was able to generate without screaming, cursing or even really insulting anybody is just phenomenal. If Howard Stern talked a guy off of jumping off the bridge, Francesa likely talked a few people onto that bridge.


We will miss you Mikey

Take on the Trump photo-op

Trump had some lame photo-op today where he cut some red ribbon in front of stacks of papers and the only thing I thought about was that it reminded me of another empty show. The time he told us that he divested from all his corporate companies while standing in front of a bunch of folders that nobody was allowed to look into

This is where we are, our president has some dog and pony show and we all shrug and say, well at least he didn't start WWIII, so that's a good thing

Take on the election to change all elections

All the talk around the water cooler was about Doug Jones, a guy about as exciting as Smarty Jones or Doug Fister. But really this was not about Doug's enthusiasms or electability as much as it was about the horrid human that is Roy Moore.
The world will try to read into this and try to write a narrative that Trump's base is leaving him which couldn't be less accurate. Had Luther Strange won the election, the GOP would have easily held the seat and would have beaten Jones by 20 points, so I don't see this as a condemnation of Trump, it just meant that people don't like a kid toucher in the senate

The GOP will take this seat back in a landslide the next time it's up because, well, Roll Tide

Take on Elizabeth Warren

There are times when I scratch my head not by what Trump says, but instead what his critics say afterwards

Trump attacked Kristen Gillibrand today with a veiled attack on her which sounded sexual in nature. Of course, Big Huck, can try to say that there was nothing sexual about it which nobody believes she actually buys into.
But Elizabeth Warren's response was the one that kind of had me confused. "are you really trying to bully, intimidate and slut-shame @SenGillibrand? Do you who you're picking a fight with? Good luck with that, a @realDonaldTrump..."

I can appreciate Warren coming to Gillibrand's defense we but not sure saying Trump Slut Shamed her was the best way to do it. Maybe she's implying that Gillibrand gets around, maybe she is implying that she doesn't but I can't for the life of me see that as helpful. Slut Shaming is a real issue but it certainly implies that there was some not kosher activity going on

Anyway, good luck getting this guy to resign, chances of it are about as high as him grabbing your ass at lunch. Oh no, that is the opposite of the chances of him resigning.

Take on the Embassy

Sexy Rex Tillerson tried to throw some cold water on Trump's disastrous decision to move the US Embassy to Jerusalem, a move which only pokes a billion people for the pure amusement of Jared Kushner
Tillerson came out saying it would take several years to build the new embassy to which I assume Trump will reply that he can build it in half that time and come in under budget
Sadly, it will mean a bunch of undocumented Palestinians will go unpaid, the foundation will crack and we'll be forced to sell it after declaring bankruptcy on it, probably turn into an Embassy Suites

Take on the YUGE Sale

When you get an email that says "This Sale is YUGE" you sort of expect it to be from a used car salesmen, so when it came from the President of the United States, it was even less shocking. I can't quite understand how or why our president is hawking cheap ornaments instead of, you know, working with congress to fix the ills of our country. Either that or play a round or two of golf
But anyway, our president is no better than a guy selling a pinto with the mileage rolled back and saw dust in the gas line and he wholly embraces it

Take on the DC consumer in charge

Our president spends 4-8 hours watching TV and puts down a dozen DC's per day. This sounds a lot like SuperBowl Sunday for a couple of my buddies but even those slobs only do that once per year. This guy leads the free world and brags about his awesome TiVO machine so he can orgasm over Fox and Friends after Hate-Watching Morning Joe
But a dozen diet cokes is insane, those 1 calories apparently add up because Trump looks like he ate a small car and every time you see him, he gets fatter and fatter
The chances of this guy pulling a William He Roy Harrison while laying in bed with a bag of Cheetos and a Big Gulp have to be somewhere in the 80% range, somebody put him on a diet or we'll be stuck with Pence.

Take on old Lindsey

When I first hear about Lindsey Graham he was just this dude who always seemed to hang it with John McCain. He didn't say much and you just heard that he was some Hawk but even that always seemed like overcompensating for the fact he lived with his mother and their combined 50 cats.

You didn't learn much about him during his campaign when he mostly spent time at the kiddy table but he did, at least, come across a sensible critic when it came to Trump.
As McCain's gotten older and more frail, Lindsey seemed to have tried to take the spotlight but it now seems his affections aren't for Old John but instead his eyes are now gazing right at the Orange Cheetah in the White House. He lead a failed attempt at repealing ObamaCare with McCain dropping his support like a hot potato, he went golfing with Trump and now he's hawking the whole Fusion GPS thing. He has officially gone off the deep end.

This is what happens when you get into Trump's crazy orbit, with the rest of the world starts running away, old Lindsey gets pulled in harder

Take on Sarah Sloth Sanders

Big Huck was back on the podium today and somehow was able to shove her gigantic foot past her gigantic belly and into her gigantic mouth, or at least that is what I hope. She said today that Trump would be fine with anti-gay signs at restaurants which seems like the thing that would have been cool to say in 1957, maybe. This is the president of the United States saying that discrimination is fine and vile signs are ok too. Forget whether it's legally right, it certainly is morally repugnant but then again that is par for the course with this man and his posse of grime.
But what was also noticeable is how incredibly weird looking Big Huck has gotten, she makes these Jim Carrey faces without even trying where somehow her one eye dropped below her nose-line. It's really very disturbing. She looks like sloth from Goonies

Take on President Dentures

For all the hoopla about today's brain dead announcement of announcing that the US will now recognize Jerusalem as the capital as Israel, that wasn't the most Trump thing of the afternoon. It also wasn't the new reveal about Michael Flynn or even the testimony of Eric Prince. The most Trump part of the day that it appeared he lost his crappy dentures right towards the end of his poorly constructed, meandering speech about Israel. It was the weirdest thing as he all of a sudden went Weird Al in Smells like Teen Nirvana.

Either that or he has a stroke mid sentence, either way, kind of weird and he'll be especially pissy when the MSM gets a hold of these stories

Take on subway Times

I'm standing on the subway today and staring at the wall and for the life of me, I can't figure out why they call them subway tiles. Subway tiles are these long rectangular things people put in their showers to look hip and urban but when you look at actual tiles in a subway station they are square and grimy which isn't the look you might be going for when you are hoping to get clean.

So please, rename those things as rectangular tiles and call the little square ones subway tiles...but only if they are covered in homeless juice

Take on Roy Moore, US Senator

A few weeks ago it seemed that Alabamanians -which I assume are Armenian hicks- were going to send Roy Moore packing but the closer we get, the more obvious it is that Alabama voters will send him to Washington
Our president, an accused sex offender, has no issue with the accusations, which is not surprising since he only believes accusations made agains Democrats and CNN anchors. We all know Trump has no morality, so his endorsement is one of the most predictable things this side of Trump saying something stupid. But this is where it gets interesting, the GOP establishment who first tried to shun Moore, has quietly turned around and are now fully behind a guy who strolled around the mall picking up girls in training bras.
Nice job 'merica.

Take on Trump’s Access Hollywood denial

Sarah Sanders doesn't think we need to have the Access Hollywood conversation again because it was already litigated and ruled on with the 2016 election. If that's the case, it's a bit odd that her boss is the one trying to put doubt into its authenticity but then again, consistency is not either of their strong suits.
But as Big Huck tries to sweep this under the rug, you wonder why politicians seems to be the only ones getting a pass. Although they all looked the other way for ever, since the #MeToo movement, the news media has ruled quickly and decisively, so has the entertainment industry. Big business has taken down some people but the only one who has avoided having their lives altered are the politicians and no one has skated more than Donald J Trump.
Glad to see Billy Bush came to clarify the entire thing.

Take on two Fillet O Fish and two Big Macs

The Washington Post in it's quest to keep democracy from dying in darkness, had an article today about the upcoming book from Corey Lewendowski which describes his time as Trump's campaign manager before Paulie Walnuts took over

The best thing about the article was when he deceived a typical meal for The Don. Two Fillet O fish and two Big Macs. I'm all for a Big Mac but putting down two after putting down the Fillet O Fish is ridiculous. Our president is so incredibly obese that the image of him laying on his gold faux down comforter on his water bed surrounded by McDonalds wrappers and Big Gulps sound about right.

Takkemon the new bill

We'll have to pass the bill so we can read it. Tonight the GOP is ready to pass the biggest overall of our tax code but we're just hoping they don't step on a landmine before they do so.
But nothing instills more confidence that the final bill being written in pen with inserts, corrections and typos. But then again, this is a party who asked for transparency is now pushing for a big kick back to the donor class, so joe Q six pack can get a case of Miller lite and watch the demise of our country

Glad to be of help