Monday, January 4, 2010

How does this sound like a good idea.





Tiger Woods probably had the best 9 years and 11 months of the decade and the worst 1 month, his fall from grace was so pronounced, so quick and so deep that you couldn’t figure out if you should feel badly for him or envy him for the amount of tail he was able to get.
I am sure a couple of the Quack-Quack morning radio zoo’s have covered this but you have to be impressed with the Wilt Chamberlain esque stamina this guy had. I remember when I tried boxing a few years ago, I was probably one of the worst boxers of all time having the wicked combination of slow speed, bad footwork and no power. I would walk into the ring at 6’2” 230 pounds with weight of the ‘great white hope’ resting on my shoulders and would proceed to get my ass kicked by other heavyweights, a couple of welterweights, some lightweights and by a couple of chicks just for good fun.

The point isn’t that I was getting my ass kicked left and right but every single week some old-timer would walk up to me and tell me he could schedule a couple of tomato cans for me to fight and that we would get a little buzz going in an effort to go pro. The funny thing was that I had no interest what so-ever in going pro let alone really fighting, I had gone to this gym to lose weight and get into shape but this doesn’t fly when you are some 60 year old Puerto Rican gym rat. These guys saw me the way that an LA Pimp sees an 18 year old chick when she gets off the bus, easy pickings.

The point is this, I was a horrible fighter and they would throw me in the ring with a couple of ‘pros’ who were preparing for some kind of under-under-under card fight for which they would get paid $100 plus bus-fare. So it wasn’t like these guys were any good but they still needed sparing partners and I was amongst a group of other guys who were young enough and dumb enough to get volunteered to do it. These pros would spar for 12 rounds against 4 different guys. Each of us would fight one round then take three rounds off and each of us got our asses handed to us.

Well long story short, I got hit so hard during one of those sparing matches that my head rung for a week and for months on end I couldn’t remember where I left my keys but still these old-timers would come out of the shadows and try to recruit me.

Well one of the pieces of advice I got was that I shouldn’t have sex before a fight, which for me wasn’t hard because I was doing that standing on my head. The thought in the boxing world was that by abstaining from sex you would have better concentration and more energy come the fight. I think they preyed on the fact that a bunch of sex-starved, testosterone induced 20 year old guys would come out that much harder if they weren’t getting fat on sexy time.

Now I don't know how lack of sex translates to golf and it better cause otherwise I just went off on a major tangent but we’ve always been told that Tiger Woods worked harder than anybody on the PGA tour including hitting a thousand balls at the range after a PGA event,and then working on his putting well into the night. All the while he was also hitting the gym to keep his conditioning at the level of a real athlete while his fellow golfers all looked like bowlers. The question is how the hell did Tiger Woods tag all these chicks and still have the stamina to win 14 majors?

And imagine how good he'd be if he was only concentrating about putting his balls in holes not his putter too.

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