Take on the power of MTG

MTG wants a new speaker and she'll likely succeed as her interest in stability is completely non existent. We don't care who they elect as one is worse than the other but what has been clear is that she now has way too much power and has basically become a king maker of her own. I don't think anybody thinks three toes is a good option to play this role but she's done an incredible job of positioning herself to be one of the most powerful people in Washington.
The day we get her out, will be one of the best days of our political lives

Take on the Conjoined twin Abby Hensel now married to Army veteran

I love a happy ending and nothing played into that more than those conjoined twins getting married a year or so ago. Obviously,
It lead to some questions including how the hell they consent being they share all organs below the belt. Also, the question about intimacy can't be easy when your sister is right there hang out and does beg the question if she is asked to cover her face or something

Anyway, good on them and good on TLC for being able to offer more riveting TV

Take on the auto gratuity for kitchen staff

I went out to dinner last night in Harvard Square to an awesome fancy pizza place. Service was great, pizza was terrific, drinks were cold and place was crowded. But when we got the check I noticed that had added an auto gratuity which was odd for a table of five but then they also added another additional auto gratuity for the kitchen staff. In all for getting those guys more money but why doesn't this restaurant just pay their staff more than put it back on me?? This is a place where this isn't my direct responsibility, to me they should raise their pizza prices by that percentage and stop nickel and dining me.

Take on the home Reno

Over spent the last three hours looking at paint swatches on my phone trying to imagine what they'd look like on my living room walls and I have to say that renovating your house is basically asking to be killed by a million paper cuts. Every last decision is mind numbing, I spend hours debating whether we need nobs or handles and if we do get handles what length they should be and which direction they need to be in. We discuss the backsplash and the color of the crown molding. It's the most painful thing I can ever imagine doing and I regret every single decision we've made so far, mostly the first one to do anything at all

Take on Trump bibles

There is literally nothing that Trump won't throw his name on to try to make a buck. Whether it's vodka or airlines or steaks, he has no shame Today he's selling $59.99 bibles which is interesting in the sense that the heft time he reads the Bible will be the first time. But he knows his audience and this will be a great little get rich scheme for him because his people will buy anything with his name on it.

Take on the cargo ship

Every once in a while as I'm driving on the Merritt Parkway, some box car will get caught under an overpass. There are signs everywhere with the height limit and each time it happens you wonder if the driver just doesn't read.

Today's bridge accident reminds you of that, except this one was more tragic

But it does beg the question, maybe we should be giving an aptitude test along with a basic math test for number recognition before handing out cargo captain licenses.

Take on Trump’s Multibillion-Dollar Social Media Company

I am not smart enough where private equity puts their money but the fact that Trump's social media company is being valued at $6billion is insane. I'm not sure what it's worth but it has like 0.5% of the users of X and the day Trump dies, nobody will ever go there shah. On top of that, it only had $3.3M in revenue in the first nine months of last year, I am no genius but explain how that math work, a website that had the same revenue as a local TGI Fridays is worth $6Billion?!?

Take on Lisa Murkowski,

Lisa Murkowski won't vote for Trump and may also leave the entire GOP and there finally seems to be some semblance of normalcy coming back to DC. A lot of the old guard seems to be standing up against Trump which is a welcome sign after they all kissed the ground he walked in for the better part of a decade.
I know the idea is for Susan Collins to join her but I'd like to keep her as far away from the democrats as possible as her judgment is shot.

Take on Ghostbusters Frozen Empire

On a day where we practically sat through a monsoon, I assumed nothing could make the day any worse….until I went to the movies. I wasn't expecting much but thought at minimum I'd get some nostalgia when we decided to watch Ghostbusters Frozen Empire. I can't imagine being more disappointed in a sequel than this. I mean Ghostbusters II sucked also and people seem to hate the third one but I always assumed it was because they were just anti girls. This one looked sort of half good and with the return of the old timers, could at least be a nice walk down memory lane.
But this one is about as bad as it gets. The action sucks, the story line is convoluted and it has more characters than a daytime soap opera.

The best part was the fact I fell asleep for 45 minutes.

Take on the Shohei Ohtani’s interpreter

I don't know much but I do know when something smells fishy, it usually means somebody opened a can of tuna. When I saw Ohtani had first given his interpreter $4.5M and then a few hours later claimed it was fraudulently taken from him, I was like "yeah, not buying it". I'm sure this is just some lame attempt to cover up direct betting and I'm guessing that by the time the regular season rolls around, he'll get some elbow tightness and spend the next year in Japan "rehabbing."

Take on Menendez

Nothing feels more corrupt than how these old time democrats run their own show. There is no reason that Bob Menendez was able to keep his seat after the last corruption charges and the fact he is still in office is a travesty to democracy

So I gotta think him not running for his seat is progress. Unless this jackass pulls and RFK jr.

Take on PreCheck

Flying has never been more complicated but with all of it, the ability to get through some of the lines a bit more quickly has been a godsend for frequent travelers. The odd thing now is that you show up and it feels like Russian Roulette to figure out which of the lines to go on. CLEAR was the obvious choice as it was starting up as PreCheck had gotten crazy and people weren't ready for a retina scan. Now they introduced Digital ID which seems like the TSA version of CLEAR as I can't see to find any difference. What it does do is force you to choose between four possible lines and like the NJ turnpike toll-station of old, it's impossible to guess the quickest one.

Take on another Royal photo

Kate Middleton is quite the amateur photographer and although it should be an innocent hobby, she seems she has once again created a fire storm around the fact she keeps altering photos and then releasing them. The one that they are complaint about is innocent enough photo of the late queen and her grandkids but somehow Kate decided to remove some blemishes, tuck in some double chins and straighten some teeth and now she is even more hated than before because every good Brit knows you don't mess with the teeth.

Take on the “Kate” sighting

When TMZ released a video claiming it was William and Kate basically sprinting across a parking lot carrying 40 bags, I was skeptical. First of all, I doubt those two would be found shopping at anH&M on a random Saturday. Secondly, the fact they were waking at Charlie Chaplin pace was also off but the thing that blew my mind was that although "Kate" was clearly a white chick but that was the only thing that matches. Not sure who we are trying to fool but maybe time to give up.

Take on the ex golfer in chief.

Trump pulled a Kim Jung Un and won his own golf tournament for a record 30th time in a row I could care less about his winning these meaningless self serving trophies but the fact that he's got a gallery like the 18th green at Augusta to see him win some sham thing is all too telling.

Take on Elon’s new haircut

Elon Musk is at that point in his life where he just doesn't care. He's got this horrible haircut which makes his puffy face look even fatter and his eyes even bulgier. I'm not sure what his appeal now is but when you look kind of like a sponge it might be to hit the gym and run about a marathon on the treadmill

Take on Pence

Mike Pence said today that he cannot in good conscience endorse Donald Trump which is only the second time he's ever done something that isn't totally spineless. Of course Pence being Pence will likely do his normal weasel thing and come crawling back but for now the fact that some of the old guard GOP establishment hasn't completely fallen in line gives you some hope.

Take on the new MLB mismatched uniforms

Not only are the new MLB baseball pants see-through, apparently they also don't seem to match the color of the jerseys. I'm not an overly complicated man and my fashion commentary is typically limited to flats with skirts or white pants on white dudes but when you are asking me to watch some 3 hour turtle race, you can't also rage my OCD and expect me to sit quietly.

Take on the house vote on TikTok

With the house vote to ban TikTok a thousand parents of teenagers rejoiced!!
I have no fear of spying when it comes to 15 year olds but anything that can take that godawful app out of their hands for any time at all is a godsend. It's time they do the same for Snapchat too

Get off my law !!

Take on the R.F.K. Jr.’s List for Running Mate

The most Jetsy ever would be if Aaron Rodgers decided to join RFK Jr on the campaign trail as his vice presidential running mate. It would be the prefect ending to his perfect Jets career spanning 4 plays and two offseason, a blow Achilles and a lot of drama. People have asked whether the Jet fans would be pissed, my suggestion is they take Woody with them.

The only problem is that he might not get the bid and Jesse Ventura may instead which is a shame for old Aaron.

I mean when you are less qualified than a former wrestler, it may be time to hang them up.
But if they joined forces dumped Kennedy and ran as a 1-2 punch they could be a perfect tag team..I'm pushing for Achilles and the heel

Take on Chubb

The fact that Trump admitted to being 279 pounds in the same week that he got Chubb to post bail for him is a bit too rich. We know he is a complete mess when it comes to his body and there is nobody who wants to see him anywhere near a pool but I still can't stand the fact that he will get away with these settlements with these oversized bonds that somehow will never be paid

Take on the royal photo

Everybody is all bothered by some photo the palace put out of Kate Middleton. We realize that she's not well and they are trying to give the appearance of a happy life but this photo is a bit bizarre. The little kid has some weird knuckle, the daughter has a hand that comes out of her sleeve at a weird angle, the leaves are too green and her jawline isn't authentic.

Other than that, all is well.

Take on the UFC

Trump showing up at a UFC event is about as predictable as Joe Rogan dying of a FiveHourEnergy overdose. I know his constituency is all there anyway, so it sort of allows him to turn a Saturday night into a campaign event which he will be able to write off.

Oh well. Hope he gets blood on his gigantic suit

Take on the SOTU

The criticism of the State of the Union may have been that it was too political but in this hyper political climate it's impossible to imagine it was ever going to anywhere else. I've been watching state of unions for years and most of them are completely unbearably unmemorable I'm glad it at least wasn't totally boring

Take on Mike “Hope she touches my” Johnson

Nobody is a bigger doucebag than Mike Johnson who somehow makes Mike Pence looks like a good time. He was standing next to Boebert hands folded over his little winkie and you can just read the thought-bubble hoping that they are going to Beetlejuice.

Take on the Rust shooting

I'm no fan of Alec Baldwin but never understood why the hell he was caught up in a criminal lawsuit after the Rust shooting. There has never been any evidence pointing to him knowingly shooting a loaded weapon as every account shows it to be a total accident. This lady who put the life round into the chamber on the other hand, finally got her day of reckoning and her lame excuse of being overworked fell flat

Take on the Musk Trump meeting

The least surprising news is the day was that Donald Musk and Elon Trump have basically become a single entity. We know that Musk has gravitated towards Trump in the last few years and his outsized voice on Social Media could easily mute any opposition but the one thing about Musk was always that he seemed mainly apolitical.

But now that he's kissing the ring, my four wheeled driving MAGA hat is going to make me look even dumber

Take on the worst Indian wedding

When I heard Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Ivanka Trump were all heading to an India for a wedding, I felt bad for the other person at table 8. There can't be a less interesting group than Zuck and Jared and Ivanka talking about their cats. Please god, I hope Gates wore his Timberlands the entire time and never took a leak.

Take on Nikki’s primary

Nikki Haley finally beat Trump in a primary but sadly for her it was the Washington DC one which has minke a combined 20 republicans in the city. I don't know what this means for Super Tuesday but I'm guessing, not a lot. People who support Trump aren't going to stay away, they are going to be coming out in droves to vote for a maniacal lunatic who smells like old cheese

Take on the NYT biased views

The NYT is so nervous about being wrong on the 2024 election like they were on the 2016, are spending every waking minute openly rooting for Trump. I know he's great for business but in a second term he could single handily change everything we stand for. But their both side-ism is starting to border on lunacy at this point.

Take on the CDC dropping the 5-day isolation guidance for Covid-19, moving away from key strategy to quell infections CNN

Four years later and we've finally come to the time where Covid is over. Today the CDC officially dropped the five day isolation period which was this key strategy from preventing infections. I look back and am still shocked at how quickly our country shut down and how we mostly complied with the rules. But the final story of Covid is yet to be written because i do wonder how much of what we thought we knew, we will look back at in a few years and slap ourselves.