Take on the indictment.

We wrote about an orca yesterday afternoon assuming it would be a slow news day and then BOOM, we finally get the indictment we've been promised. Obviously they will spin this as politically motivated but we all know this is just an Al Capone tax evasion indictment as they need something to stick. The truth is that his supporters will all cry about this move and the inner circle will rally them by saying "if they can do this to Trump, I they can do this to you"
That is sort of the point…in reverse.

If normal people flouted rules and broke laws like Trump has, they'd be rotting in jail. It's about time the rich and powerful got a taste

Take on the captive orca

Some orca that has been held at a Florida theme park for the last 50 years is going to be released into the Pacific Ocean.

In related news, next week we will get a story about how an Orca who has spent its entire adult life being fed and nurtured dies when dropped into the middle of the ocean

We shouldn't be holding these animals in captivity but releasing them when they are at the end of their life to forge for their food supply, fight of predators, avoid random fishing nets and deal with that gigantic garbage barge seems like an even worse idea

Take on the ugly sneaker

To say I'm not a cool dad would be a massive understatement. I wear a shirt and tie during the week and jeans on the weekend which I usually cover with a zip up. I was pretty standard footwear mostly those funny "on" sneakers or dress shoes and every jacket I own is either black or off black.

But I cannot understand the fashion choices of the youth (or wanna be youth) when I walk into a sneaker store. Every sneaker is either dreadfully ugly or repulsivly expensive..or both.

But apparently sneakerheads live for this shit.

Take on the TikTok 150 million US users

During all of the testimony on TikTok the last few days, the one piece that stuck out for me was that they claim to have 150 million active US users. I know this thing is popular but there is no way that basically one in two Americans are actively using it. I'm sure the adoption and user rate of teens is near 100% but there is no way that people over the age of 40 are using this thing There must be millions of bots or duplicate accounts.

Take on another school shooting

Sadly, enough is never enough.
Another shooting at a school occurred today and I'm sure the entire nation will mourn….for a day.

Then one side will get angry and demand action while the other will offer "thoughts and prayers" and then we will move on and keep going
If Sandy Hook didn't change our collective mentality, nothing will. And that is the sad sad state of our country

Take on the tip

Nothing annoys me off more than the fact that every transaction we have to make in any retail store now guilts you into a tip. I'm fine with bartenders and baristas but come on, I got a seltzer water the other day and was made to feel guilty. It's not that a guy at CVS doesn't deserve a tip but where does it end.

Take on on the Florida principal who was let go after lesson on Michaelengelo's David

I give up
I don't think that living in this country with these crazies makes sense anymore. I read today that some Florida principal got fired for a lesson on Michelangelo's David probably because the statue didn't have a fig leaf in front of his wiener. This is the point we are now, oneof the most well known pieces of art by the predominant artist of the
Last century can't be discussed because it has a penis. Please for let this woke madness end.

Take one Ronnie

This sounds like a Mike Tyson fight in the early 1990's basically done before it began. Ronnie tried to take on Donnie and lsdted one measly round, the donors and big wig GOPers are fleeing in droves.
DeSantis stumbled over Ukraine, had his wife dress up like a Disney princess and had to use background props to not make himself look like the midget he is. In other words, Trump won't get bloodied in the primaries and will be fully ready come the general.

Take on the NYC campaign.

The idea that an ad campaign would be the silver bullet and change the entire perception of a city has always been a bit ludicrous. We know advertising works but the fact that the We ❤️NYC thing hasn't changed the world's perception isn't shocking

- it's lame
- to counter the barrage of FoxNewsMax negativity is going to have to be more than a bumper sticker.


The I ❤️NY thing from years ago was cool because it was original but like the Knicks "Go New York, Go New York, Go" song from the '90's, you can't replicate it for another place. I remember they hired that dude to write a similar song about Sacramento and it was just lame.

We gotta do better than this.

Take on Steven Seagal

The fat guido who is now a fat commie has been hired by Moscow to teach their soldiers the beauty of martial arts. Sadly, he's an overweight old guy who has lost all relevance and the chances he can lift his fat leg over his fat belly is ironically slim. So let's hope he doesn't blow out a knee trying to do a karate kid move.

Take on the super fungus

If it isn't Covid, it's something and how there is some fungal thing that is spreading all over the place. No idea if this is a foot fungus, a mushroom fungus or some vaginal fungus but apparently this thing is spreading like an STD in the bunny ranch. I think it's time to wrap ourselves in a bubble and call it a day because it feels like we are never going back to normal.

Take on Donnie vs Ronny round 1

The on DeSantis is going after Trump and the results are glorious.   We've all been waiting for this moment when Ronny takes the gloves off and goes after Donnie and it sound like we might be there after DeSantis said "I don't know what goes into paying hush money to a porn star to secure silence over some type of alleged affair. I just, I can't speak to that."

This is exactly what we have been waiting for as Trump will be forced to fight on multiple fronts with the pending indictments in NY, the scrutiny in Georgia and the January 6th issues all bearing down.      It's not just that we want to see this entire Trump obsession end, we want to see it burned to the ground and exposed for the danger it's been.  

But if history is any indication (i.e. Ted Cruz) Donnie will come out on top and then Ronny will come groveling back. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on artificial sweeteners

If there is one thing that never shocks me, it's when those zero calorie sweeteners are linked to some medical condition. I've always felt that when you have any of those blue or pink or yellow packets, you are basically injecting your body with a toxin…in the name of healthier living. Sugar should be limited but it's due time that we Americans limit it not by substituting it for something (possibly) more harmful but instead maybe cutting it all together. Grow a pair and drink black coffee or maybe skip dessert. It's not that hard

Take on the pending arrest

According to Trump he will be arrested this week which he said he got form illegal leaks. Who knows if it's true but I do believe he got a heads up as I don't believe they want to give him the indignity of being hauled out of his house in his boxers and a bathrobe like Tony Soprano
But when it does happened, we need a TOR toast

Take on Raccoon Dogs

Maybe it wasn't bat after all, maybe it wasn't rats either but the newest theory is that some animal named a raccoon dog was the carrier of Covid which spread in that Wuhan wet market. I have no idea what a raccoon dog is but I have a pretty hard rule which is don't eat dogs….or raccoons. I don't quite know why anybody would see this thing as a delicacy but even if it didn't cause Covid, the thing is wretched looking.

Take on Diaz

Edwin Diaz tore his patella tendon and half of New York Met nation is in mourning while the other half wants to bike the world…or at least the World Baseball Classic. If Diaz had blown out his elbow overexerting himself throwing 100 miles per hour, I'd see the complaint but the dude hurt himself in the most Met way possible…celebrating

I feel badly for Met fans because their season is basically shot but come on..WBC is awesome. Injuries happen

Take on absorption

Idaho is pushing to absorb half of Oregon which seems like the king of move that may backfire when some democratic states start to absorb local municipalities. The issue is the that our representative democracy is so abruptly off kilter that it's comical. Now imagine if Maryland absorbed a part of Virginia. Would not go over well at the Tucker lunch table

Take on the Giant Blob of Seaweed Heading to Florida

I've always thought that we'd all be better off if Florida just sunk into the ocean and we may be getting closer to that scenario. The Pacific Ocean has that giant barrier reef of plastic which has grown to be the Sue dog a small country but I believe it's sort of a stagnant island that collects more plastic but doesn't really move.

The Atlantic Ocean has its own problem and it seems to be a giant blob of seaweed which will wash onto Florida's shores shortly
Two things we are assure of. The volume of lame jokes that will come from this are going to endless and Meatball Ron is going to get critiqued mercilessly on his handling of this, it's going to be a no win situation when his beaches all smell like the bottom of a korean dude's feet.

Take on the Aaron Rodgers drama.

The Aaron Rodgers sweepstakes seems to keep picking up steam and at this point everybody expects him to be a Jet by the end of the week. Of course he's not half the quarterback he once was and he's a decade away from his last really deep playoff push. He's also going to cost the Jets a fortune in draft compensation and another fortune in cap space

But screw it, the Jets are 12 years from a playoff appearance. Time to have that end.

Take on jet lag.

When you wake up at 5am Tokyo time for a 7pm flight, you know you are in for trouble. Not only do you then spend the entire day worrying about your flight but when you finally get on you've already had a full day and are mentally drained. You think it's over but then still need to spend the next 19 hours actually getting home including a delayed layover.

This is what I didn't miss during Covid and would happily never do again but as much as the airport shuffle sucks the next day jet lag is even worse. The increase irritability and the mood swings suck but for me the auditory sensitivity is awful, loud noises, people talking over one another or high pitched screams make me want to jump out of an airplane window

Take on the Japanese toilet seat.

There are many things you miss when you leave Japan. The excellent food, the kind people and the clean streets but nothing will tickle your hiney quite like the toilet seats. These things are heated, so when you stumble into the bathroom at 2am after a few too many sakis, your bum is warm and cozy which is a feeling you can't quite explain unless you've been in that seat.

Take on masks.

After three years of Covid restrictions l, most of the world seems to have given up. Masks in the US are few and far between, social distancing is completely over and most people aren't washing their hands ever. But in Japan, the entire concept of
Prevention is very much alive.

For one, mask are on everywhere, Not 90%, not 95%, I'm talking 99.999%. The Japanese are going through their lives normally, but just doing it with face coverings and what is shocking isn't just that they've had the stamina as an entire country to do this but that do it everywhere. I'm not shocked in train stations or inside stores but they are nearly 100% complaint on the street.
I take mine off when I get outside but they will wear it the entire time. It's pretty impressive actually

Take on the Japanese boarding efficiency

You got to give it to these Japanese people. Not only are they innovative, courteous, friendly and great culinary procurers, as a society they thrive for overall better living
There is no garbage on their subway tracks which also means there are no rats, people move aside for old people and pregnant ladies and there are no mask protests. People wear masks to protect others because they care about society but what is truly amazing is how they board a plane. There isn't some irrational mad rush to board but instead everybody waits patiently for their zone to be called. People don't jump the line or try to sneak ahead but wait their turn like a civilized society but what is even smarter is they don't just board with courtesy, they actually board with efficiency. First they board window seats, then middle seats and finally aisle seats. So you aren't standing in the main aisle as some jackass tries to shove an oversized bag in the overhead while waiting for some other guy in the aisle seat to move his legs over so the first guy can rub his gigantic American ass on the guy's face. Is sadistic how we treat others so we can gain just the slightest advantage.

Take on foreign ads

When you are in a foreign country, all the ads you get are these weird foreign ads and honestly I never know what to make of them.

Today I'm bombarded with something from one-cats.com which looks like either a suicide hotline or a constipation medicine.

Either way, I don't think either of those two things are my problem right now especially after the raw egg dinner the other night

Take on the Japanese shower

I get that when I walk into Japan, I'm easily in the top 5% of the male height which is sort on empowering initially. Its sort of coolbut when you walk into a Japanese hotel you realize quite quickly the inconvenience of what being a 6'1" human means The bed is tiny, the toilet sits like 6 inches lower to the floor, the shower curtain hangs so low I can see over it and when I step into the bathtub, the top of my hair grazes the ceiling

But what's most annoying is that the shower spout sits so low it barely sprays my nuts, I literally I have to bend down to even wash my shoulders. And washing my hair is basically forcing me to do a full squat.

Take on raw egg


I love just about every Japanese cuisine. Sushi, tempura, shabusbabu, udon, teriyaki you name if but the one thing I don't get is their obsession with raw egg. I get that raw fish and some raw meat are delicious delicacies but raw egg is like body builder bad.

Get me some sashimi to wash this crap down with.

Take on the Japanese nigh spot

What is better than walking down a otherwise undescript Main Street in a major city and walking into a thriving little Mecca of restaurant and nightlife This is what makes Asia so great, around every little corner, down every little alley you can find an amazing place to sit and drink. The food (seems) fresh, the beer is cold, the service is solid and the smoke is thick but the best part is how easily you can feel like you are a part of it. Go to a bar in the US and you a practically alone, walk into a restaurant by yourself and they give you a huge booth but in Asia they throw you right in between a bunch of strangers and you just go with the flow. The expectation is that you interact or at least don't look away. It's the polar opposite of what you'd expect if you walked into a Denny's.

Take on CPAC



What I don't get about CPAC is why it's treated like some Woodstock event where conservatives come together to share ideas, get backed and dance around naked.  It's an odd combination of geezers and greasers telling the woke left to get off their lawn.  

But what is shocking is that there is no real live audience jaunt a laugh track.  I'm not saying Covid restrictions have forced the place empty, from everything you see there is just no live audience.   Empty rows of chairs everywhere but not because the place is gigantic but empty chairs in what seems like a Holiday Inn conference room

But somehow it gets covered by the national

Press as if it is important. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Junior’s failing app

Little Don got his pantries in a bunch when PNC Bank ended its relationship with Junior's "news" app. Of course he jumped right in blaming woke culture and the radical left which is like Seinfeld going to the Ovaltine routine.

I get that he's coming to grips with the fact the Trump era is coming to an end as most of the republican mainstays are attempting to distance themselves from the Trump brand. Even his girlfriend has now gone to the level of hawking gold to the legions of Trump sycophants on her website.

But Junior's complaint is really laughable as big banks have always sided with the radical left.

Take on the Peeps flavored Pepsi

I limit myself to a few sodas per year and almost always when traveling overseas when I can't stomach another hot coffee. It's mainly a decision to stay away from sugary drinks but when I see what has happened to soda, I'm damn glad I've made this decision

I saw today that Pepsi I has out with a new flavor and it looks a absolutely dreadful. It's their Easter flavor and it apparently tastes like Peeps which may be the worse candy ever invented and once again makes Pepsi a completely undesirable soda

Go Coke or Go Home

Take on Greta Thunberg’s protest against wind farms.

I've appreciated everything that Greta Thunberg has done during her short time here on earth until today. In what I can only think is a shocking revaluation, the climate activist is protesting wind farms in Norway which seem odd being that it is a carbon free renewable source of energy.
Reading into her reasoning ir seems there are some Indigenous people who use the land to graze reindeer which basically telling me she still believes in Santa.