Take on the fake vaccine cards

A New Jersey woman was charged with selling fake vaccination cards which has to be one of the Jerseyist moves I've seen. People who hate the idea of vaccines paying some quack hundreds of dollars to pretend they are something they are not. Here's a novel idea, walk into CVS and they will give you a free vaccine card, one that comes with protection to not die

Take on Laura

Laura Ingraham did what Laura Ingraham always does and decided to lie to get her followers all hot and heavy. She replies to a tweet which false claimed that there was nobody from the administration present at Dover Air Force Base when our 13 servicemen were flown back in flagged draped coffins. Of course this was a complete fabrications and one which could have easily been disproven with a simple google search but Laura doesn't care about doing the right thing

She eventually deleted her tweet but didn't so much as apologize because god forbid she'd show any remorse. Some Christian we have here

Take on Milo

Nobody on the right is dumber than Milo…and that is saying a lot. I have never understood his schtick and don't think I ever will but when he posted that he has terrible covid and just injected himself with ivermectin, I smiled. I know we shouldn't laugh at the demise of others but when that other is as toxic and dangerous as Milo..you do have to smile

Take on the secret weapon against the ignorant

We've been scratching our collective heads for a week wondering why their is a certain subset of our population who won't trust medical science by taking the vaccine but will happily ingest horse dewormer. We can all come up with our theories but the one I'm going with is ‪these "homeopathic" options like ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine are planted by secrete operatives with the goal of mass genocide of the stupid and unneutered. ‬.

Basically somebody has figured out that these Trump supporters will buy just about anything. I mean if you believe he's a moral god fearing man who has your best interest at heart, you can probably be convinced to eat horse dewormer.

Take on the secret weapon against the ignorant

We've been scratching our collective heads for a week wondering why their is a certain subset of our population who won't trust medical science by taking the vaccine but will happily ingest horse dewormer. We can all come up with our theories but the one I'm going with is ‪these "homeopathic" options like ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine are planted by secrete operatives with the goal of mass genocide of the stupid and unneutered. ‬.

Basically somebody has figured out that these Trump supporters will buy just about anything. I mean if you believe he's a moral god fearing man who has your best interest at heart, you can probably be convinced to eat horse dewormer.

Take on the Covid denier

Everyday it seems you go online and see a story of some community leader, church elder or GOP state Senator who was leading the "Covid is a hoax" charge who is now hospitalized with…covid.
I know we shouldn't dance on a grave but there is a certain sense of justice when some dipshit who spent the better part of the last two years pushing this kind of nonsense, gets hospitalized by the very thing he claimed was a hoax

So here is a suggestion coming from high atop my horse..when your entire world view comes crashing down because you believe aunt Betty's Facebook post over Dr Fauci, maybe don't go to the hospital where they rely on science and instead go out back to the barn and ingest a bunch of horse tranquilizers to help you sleep.

Take on Little Don

Little Don once again made it crystal clear that he's a broken soul. He took a photo of Joe Biden while he was observing a moment of silence for the 12 servicemen who perished in Kabul at tagged it with "this is what weakness looks like."

Obviously this was meant to placate to the Trumpets and get a ride out of decent people which it certainly did. A man who has seen so much heartache, has the ability to show so much empathy and do it with such grace is belittled by a man whose entire identity is to parrot his old man

The Trump clan lacks heart, it lacks soul and it lacks character and they are so removed from those concepts that when they see it, they are frightened by the mere idea of it

Take on the naked Nirvana baby

The dude who was photographed naked chasing a dollar bill underwater on the Nevermind cover is suing the band for emotional distress because of the photo. I wouldn't want the entire world to have a photo of me swimming with my winkie hanging out but this guys should have used this photo as a launch pad to other stuff. I'm not quite sure what it could easily translate to but you'd think something like porn or art or a Dodge dealership.

Anyway, I don't feel that bad for the guy, he must have scored his fair amount in his day with this in his back pocket.

Take on Camelback water park.

Having spent the last 24 hours in absolute hell, I emphasize with those who have been waterboarded. I took my family to Camelback waterpark for what we had hoped was a nice crescendo to the end of the summer but instead I was left feeling like I got kicked in the nuts repeatedly. First of all they hadn't advertised that 60% of their slides were closed, so what should have been a calm midday trip turned into a bunch of Pennsylvania terrible tattoo having meatheads pushing and shoving kids around trying to get to the Typhoon.
Having a water park with only 4 slides is like having a hot dog stand with no relish or mustard.
Secondly, the Kalahari park up the street was completely closed because of all the flooding, so that added a bunch of rich ass upper east siders.
Then you this magic Fast Pass which they started making available midday to certain people meaning that the 1:15 minute line we were standing in just got another 15 minutes longer.

The entire thing sucked donkey nuts.

Take on Hot Dogs

A report by the always reliable New York Post suggests that for every hot dog consumed you lose 35 minutes off of your life.

Using some back of the envelope math I have thus concluded that I am already dead.

There were days that my buddies and I would go to grays papayas and put down a dozen dogs. At that point I always assumed that the heart burn would be the consequence which made me regret that decision but now that I realize I lost 350 minutes of my life for every one of those stops, I think maybe I should have gone to Koronets.

Take on Matt Gaetz’s unlucky bride

There are nor a lot of people who are bigger creeps than Matt Gaetz. Nobody quite understands his "relationship" with Nestor but he's gone full beard with his latest exploit a girl who isn't nearly as lucky as her name implies.
Anyway, he's apparently married now which he hopes will allow him to use invoke spousal privilege but little does he know but that is only valid for events that happen after you are married so unless he's planning on a ton of other creepy stuff, this might bit have best his best call

Take on Ivermectin

Wait..there are people who refuse to take the vaccine but instead will down horse dewormer?!? Have we gone mad as a country? Is there any hope for our survival when half our country is…stupid

These are the same ones who believers hydroxychloroquine was the answer and who listened to their dear leader injecting themselves with bleach.

Take on Musk’s robot

Elon Musk is setting us up for an attack from within. His newest venture are these home helper robots which he promises will never turn on their human counterparts. Think Rosie from the Jetsons and not The Terminator

He had a big presentation showing his "robots" dancing although later it turned our it as just people dressed up as mimes

I'm bot sure I'm ready for this robot world with self driving cars, vacuum cleaned that operate unassisted and these weird droids

Take on the Spice rack

Dancing with the Stars failure Sean Spicer is calling out Jenn Psaki as she didn't have a press conference today and I have to think this is just Sean being Spicey. Spicer probably had more press conference than the two who replaced him but that's not saying much when those two are Big Huck and that other one who literally never had a single press conference. This schmuck worked for a president whose official schedule said he was having many meetings and making many phone calls every day for like five months

Sit this one out Spice

Take on Fat Mike

Mike Pompeo has always been a dishonest crook and his negotiations with the guy who has now taken over Afghanistan is yet another example. He was completely incompetent at his job assuming you believe his job was to advocate for the USA and not just for TeamTrump. The day this fat turd drops dead from high cholesterol will be a joyous one for decency and diplomacy

Take on Greg Abbott

Oh my, poor Greg Abbott as he's dealing with Covid after opening his borders fo the virus like he claims Democrats would to the one with Mexico. This dumbshat has spent the last few months making every bad possible policy decision on Covid where his only hope was to further his own fledgling political career.

I can't say I'm happy for anybody to get Covid but I'm less sad when I see some Covid denier get it. He'll likely get the best care and come out of this without any real complications which will only embolden him further to be a reckless fool

Take on the fall of Kabul

Afghanistan has been a sh!tshow for as long as we've been there from supporting the Northern Alliance to putting our trust in Karzai to this latest goon Ghani who fled the country with four carloads packed with cash. . Nations building never seems to work when you have a gun in one hand and a grenade in the other, you need a Marshall Plan to have any hope but mostly you need a willing dance party

Ok that was the last of the Thomas Friedman rant

I have no idea what the right decision in Afghanistan was but this doesn't feel like this was it. Maybe we should have pulled out slower, maybe we should have committed ourselves to always having a tactical battalion there, maybe we should have carpet bombed our way out of there (and immediately flew to De Hague from Kabul)

We needed to get out and nobody is happy with the immediate outcome but sadly in three weeks we will have forgotten and will be busy with mask and vaccinations and Christmas songs.

Take on the Taliban

The Taliban moved with lighting quickness and took Afghanistan over in record time. We left an unwinable war, a divided country and thousands of allies behind and nobody knows what would have been the best thing. Nobody wanted the US to stay indefinitely but leaving as swiftly as we did doesn't seem like it accomplished what we set our mission for 20 years ago.

The problem is there would never have been a good time. This is as good a time as ever.

Take on Lindsey

Lindsey has been a spineless fool for a long time always attaching himself to the tweet of his alpha dog. First it was McCain a man of principle and moral value, then turned his affection to Trump a man whose entire self worth is predicated on you kissing his gigantic pimple covered ass.

This loser called Biden to apologize for dragging Hunter through the mud which he justified because he said it appealed to the Trump sycophants of which he is their unquestioned leader.

Take on reinstatement day

The My Pillow Guy is at exactly Nostradamus. He's been pushing to have Trump reinstated and the QANON folks had August 13th marked on their calendar. It's about 6:30 in D.C. and it doesn't look like anybody showed up at the National Mall for the ceremony, one which Trump will claim was the biggest of all time. The again maybe the transition might has all been done in secret and Joe Biden has been escorted out of the White House and presently locked up underneath like they do to streakers at a baseball game.

or it could be that these poor schmucks were fooled again.

Take on Ronny baby.

2021 might be worse than 2020, who would he thought. Ron DeSantis keeps killing people with his horrible self serving policy and nothing showed that better than the irresponsible steps he took to ban school mask mandates. And you could not have guessed it but he's already got one school district in the state with 440 quarantines and 51 confirmed cases. This was predicable but nobody in his party seems to care. As long as he keeps chirping and drawing attention to his Trumpian policy, they will follow him like sheep.

Take on Senator Pubes

There is no bigger hypocrite than the pubic haircut having twerp from Kentucky. He's been able to make a career out of pretending he had the virtues of his old man, who was wrong a lot but at least not a total phony.
Rand on the other hand is nothing but a phony with his wife having bought a bunch of Covid friendly stocks pre pandemic when Senator pubes was aware of how dire the situation could be with inside information while he publicly claimed the entire thing was a sham.


at this point I'm just hoping his neighbor finishes the job he started

Take on dirty Cuomo

Some days we struggle for content while other days it just falls in our lap. Andrew Cuomo resigning today wasn't what I was expecting today and the Biden team can't be thrilled with him urinating all over their new bridge building plan. What was obvious though was that there was no way he could continue to govern with the groping scandals looming ever larger. He will go down in the fine history of New York governors plagued by a second scandal. There was Cuomo and Spitzer and even the blind dude who lasted a hot second before he too was ousted for his own scandal. Even Pataki's entire career is just seen as Giuliani's little boy

Anyway, good news is we will get a woman as the next governor who I know less than nothing about which means she's guaranteed to be less creepy than those guys.

I'm just hoping they rename the bridge back to the Tappan Zee.

Take on Greg Abbott

Greg Abbott is trying to jello wrestle Ron DeSantis for title of worst governor during a crisis. They try to outdo one another with their anti mask, anti vax rhetoric by seeing who can scream the loudest while wearing cheap chinos.
Today Abbott asked neighboring states to help as Texas fights a surge which was predictable and preventable had they had a governor not afraid of getting Papa Trump upset.
So healthcare professionals who have been on the fore lines of this battle for 18 months should consider coming down to Texas to try to care for a population of adults who willingly made the session to not get vaccinated and burned their masks in effigy

Send the sick kids up to get better, leave the unvaccinated adults in Texas

Take on Jeff Clark


Testimony this week with deputy AG Richard Donaghue and acting AG Jeffrey Rosen shone light on the fact the county was close to an implosion with some underling in the AG office named Jeffrey Clark trying to get the department to publish some crazy narrative that would cast doubt on the Arizona results. None of this is new and Trump will likely skate again because like usual there won't be a smoking gun since Trump perfected mob speak so as to never incriminate himself.

It's too complicated a story for Trump's supporters to understand and one they will get the national media to move on from by screaming and causing a ruckus at a Wegman's.

But what I'm shocked at is what a total slob Clark looks like. The dude looks like the 2021 version of Chevy Chase and dresses like Chris Farley. Trump who is a vain as it comes will claim he never met Clark and would certainly not hire such a slob.

Take on the jellyfish wonder

Lindsey continues to be a spineless reckless jackass who only seems to be interested in finding ways to further his own crappy career. He's now claiming to have told Trump to push his supporters to take the vaccine which seems conveniently timed as he himself is recovering from a bout of the Rona. I've lost all respect for Lindsey and feel like he's sold his soul out to a man who likely won't remember his name in six months. I just wish he'd pretend he's John McCain's daughter and quit.

Take on the tan suit

There is no better troll of FoxNews that Biden could have done than showing up at his press conference to announce an awesome jobs report than doing it while wearing a tan suit. Of course I'm sure Tucker and Hannity and Laura are losing their collective minds trying to paint him as unAmerican with this wardrobe choice which is a tough task after their guy just blasted the entire USWMT for the fact they were denied gold.

Anyway, glad we have a real president again and even happier that he's able to get under the skin of these morons with a pure wardrobe decision.

Take on the Trump Card.

The latest Trump money grab is him convincing his supporters that they need to carry around Trump Cards which look like the thing the SS could have been walking around with in the 40s. I can't understand what carrying this card would accomplish other than to tell the world you are a complete moron but they probably assumed that already when you showed up wearing a red baseball cap

Maybe this thing would look a bit more official had they not hired the TOR proofreader before going to print.

Take on the worst governor in the union

Cuomo is awful but at least our terrible governor is at actively trying to kill his constituents. The same can't be said for Ron DeSantis who is now blaming illegals for bringing COVID into Florida. Little does he know that the border is like 1000 miles west but facts are never anything that seems to mean much to Ron

Take on the random cat.

There was some random cat loose at the Yankee game last night and Twitter lost it's sh!t. Nothing gets a bunch of internet nerds more excited than a cat running in the outfield.

Maybe if ESPN and YES and all the others stopped showing these cats on the TV like they stop showing drunk streakers, these cats will stop doing it. They are only glamming for attention Don't give them the oxygen


Oh yeah, Cuomo sucks and needs to resign

Take on Covid Lindsey

Lindsey Graham getting COVID while on Joe Manchin's house boat is all you need to know about 2021. The GOP and it's FoxNews buddies will take this breakthrough infection as another reason to not get vaccinated but the fact that Lindsey who isn't exactly the model of health likely won't die, because of this vaccination should be what this story was about.

Bur what is most frustrating is the fact to Joe Manchin is hosting this lunatic and his ilk.

Take on the town council meeting gone wrong

There was a video last week that went viral showing a council meeting in Missouri where they voted to overturn a mask mandate. The attendees were overjoyed, hugging, kissing and doing a poor job of high-fiving and showed again why we -as a country- are going to be suffering through Covid for years longer than we should have.

But then you got the least surprising news of all time…there was a Covid positive person at that meeting and all the attendees now need to quarantine for 10 days

Darwinism at its finest.