Take on Kanye.

Years ago people would always speak about Kanye West like he was the next great musician. I've heard a half dozen songs and was never all that impressed and always found him sort of annoying. The George Bush hates black people thing was stupid, his fashion line sucks, he's always frowning and he's married to the worst type of people you can imagine. There was nothing funny or interesting about him but it became a thing for The NY Times crowd to feel like they needed to understand him. I never felt that desire thinking he was a moron way before it was cool to think so.

So when he jumped all over Trump during the campaign I wasn't that shocked, since he seems to care only about the shock value. This guy has turned into the black Marilyn Manson and he's scaring the avocado on toast side who so loved him for being so edgy just a few years ago.

I've been consistent and thought he's always been an idiot.

Take on the budding love affair.

Kim Jong Un and Kim Jong Trump fell in love over a warm (nuclear) fire kept ablaze by the bodies of millions of enslaved and malnourished North Koreans. I am never quite sure what to make of these two playing footsie but I have to admit it's better than the lover's quarrel they had two years ago. At least now the worst thing that could happened is Trump look like a love struck lunatic versus the other option which was basically staring down nuclear holocaust

But this is 2018 and this is our president, a guy who will rip staunch allies and embrace sworn enemies and not think anything of it. Because we all know that the way to Donald's heart is with a few kind words and a box of chocolates.

Take on Rudy’s supportive tweet

Rudy isn't that bright and seems to be losing it more and more each year

He tried to send out a supportive tweet of Graham but instead embarrassed himself like only Rudy can

His tweet

Senator Lindsay Graham distinguished himself today as the fairest man and the best lawyer in Washington. He voted for Justices Sotormayor and Kagen  on old fashioned principles. I also did. If he is going to vote for Judge Kavanaugh, the Senate all should.

Now class let's pick out where Rudy embarrassed himself

- he misspelled Graham's first name, not a big deal to screw that up for a guy Rudy probably says is a friend 
- he misspelled Judge Kagan's name indeed spelling it like some weird vagina exercise 
- he misspelled Judge Sotomayor's name but likely because he doesn't like anybody called mayor except him 

Listen I make plenty of spelling mistakes, probably have a few in this post but kids the real flaw in this is that he implied that he, like Graham, also voted for both of Obama's justices.


One small problems with this
Rudy never had an opportunity to vote for a judge because he, um, never actually was a senator.  He may have forgotten his ill faded attempt when it became clear that he would lose to Hillary.   You can't totally blame him as he may have confused that run with the couple of similarly disastrous runs for president

It's like Rudy lives in some alternative reality, one where he went from mayor to senator to president banging porn stars all the way.   Sadly he went from mayor to thrice divorced crazy guy standing on a street corner yelling about conspiracy and using racial epithets at passerby's just trying to get to work

Plus he got very fat

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Take on the Kavanaugh bearings

I spent the day following the Kavanaugh hearings and I have a splitting headache mostly because Brett the Jet screamed for about two hours straight. Kind of odd to try to present yourself as a companionate person who would never hurt a fly let alone a woman by screaming like a complete lunatic

and a few questions remain unanswered

- what happened at Lindsey Graham mother's house this morning to get him so riled up. It's like somebody killed one of his thirty cats. It's almost like Donald Trump has something on him. Oh what could it be???

- I'm not quite sure the idea was behind the Bill Cosby reference but not sure you want to portray Old Bill as anything positive

- Chuck Grassley is a horrid human who would doneverybidy some good by falling on a sword...literally

- for a guy who claimed during the Fox interview to not be much of a drinker, he certainly seems to like beers

- I don't think Renate will be sending old Brett a Christmas card this year. With "friends" like that, she wouldn't need any enemies

Take on the company Rudy keeps

The Daily Beast showed a photo of Rudy Giuliani kissing with a mayoral candidate in Toronto who happens to also be an anti Semitic white nationalist. Of course the uproar is about how a trusted adviser and attorney for our president could find himself in her company and what it means for an administration which has often appeared to play footsies with the worst of the worst

What's more bothersome is how stumpy Rudy has become over the last few years, he was never an ultra fit guy but he seems to be getting more troll like every time you see him. He wears these suits that make him look like Spongebob, he has faker teeth than this nazi chick has boobs and his entire face looks like he's got wrinkles on his fat like he is imitating a Cabbage Path Kid

Take on the laughing stock

Trump really does have the best words...just look at what he said back in August 2014 "We need a President who isn't a laughing stock to the entire World."
Right on cue, he told the UN that he had accomplished more than just about any other administration had in two years which was met with..laughter
What they don't realize is that he probably has done more...more damage to the environment, more trillions to our national debt, more corruption from top to bottom, more tax breaks on the eventual back of entitlement more abuse of power, more embarrassment and more of a laughing stock

So this Bud's for you, Don. Enjoy your moment.

Take on Judge and Jury.

Brett Kavanaugh went on state television today to admit the thing we all knew about him anyway. He was a virgin in high school and likely most of college. He's trying to use this excuse to give himself cover but the allegations so far are about sexual assault, not rape. So the only thing we have learned today was that he was a heavy drinker, who looked like a total nerd, who was a heavy mastrubator and never got any love from the ladies and now we're supposed to be surprised that he could possibly have assaulted a young girl. This is the definition of a guy who might be attempting something like that.
The more I think of it, this guy has Son of Sam written all over him.

Take on Kavanaugh’s little black calendar

Brett Kavanaugh rummaged brought his parents basement and was somehow able to come up with calendar from thirty years ago which do not show a party like the one described by Blasey-Ford. I'm not quite sure what to make of this, first of all it's hard to show how authentic they may be and second of all it hardly proves anything. Just because something is on my calendar doesn't mean I did it and not everything I do makes it on my calendar. He should really bust out his diary.

Two thought

- if it an authentic calendar, what kind of psychopath would actually keep it.

- if it is not an authentic calendar, it will be easily disputed as this loser will likely have put down "varsity football letter announcement" when he should have put down "clarinet practice"




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Take on Ted’s hack job.

Poor Ted Cruz, not only does it look like he's going to lose the election to a guy who skateboards and was in a punk band but at this point Cruz is actively campaigning for him. 

He posted the following clip https://twitter.com/tedcruz/status/1043278255740973058?s=21 and nobody can quite figure out if he was hacked, is just hoping to lose or is such a white supremacist that he doesn't realize his dog whistle was actually a bullhorn.    See Ted Cruz posted something and at first you are afraid to click on it as it seems like it will just bring you down some Alex Jones rabbit hole but instead it brings you into the heart of Beto which is nice.    You do also get to see how weird Beto is with his body mannerisms, the guy looks like he is having a seizure on stage with all his weird hand motions 

With any luck after Ted Cruz loses, he'll disappear from our consciousness and lives for ever but not before he gives a concession speech where he elbows his wife in the head a few times 

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Take on Susan Collins

I hate Ted Cruz and Grassley and the rest of the stooges but at least they are honest. Susan Collins is Lucy to our Charlie Brown as she repeatedly gives the impression she cares about things like healthcare and women's reproductive rights and...morality and every single time she pulls the football away from us.
She, along with her counterpart in Alaska her more mileage out of their airtime than anybody would ever imagine, and considering they both come from states with relatively small populations, their ineptitiute is even more striking

Time to clean house

Take on Trump’s new wall

Trump suggested to his counterpart in Spain that they could solve the migrant situation by building a giant wall across the Sahara. Not sure if Donald knows geography or topography that well but this is an insanely stupid idea for a guy who has many insanely stupid ideas. Of course nobody takes him all that seriously which is smart being that he is a complete an utter moron. and nothing proves that more than when he makes comments that are so devoid of rational thought, you question what we are doing at all...at least his stupid Mexican wall is...on the border of Mexico and not thigh the heart of a half a dozen other countries. I guess he's letting anybody north of the wall in Africa come right across and his desire to keep Syrian refugee out will only work if they decide to travel through the Arabic Middle East through Israel and the Sinai and then south of Cairo to then find themselves trapped by a ten foot wall.

Take on the lame SuperBowl halftime show

I'm predicting it now....the SuperBowl half time show is going to suck

The NFL is so afraid of controversy, they'll book an elevator band to headline the SuperBowl. It was announced today that Super Bowl LIII will featured Maroon 5 which is about as exciting as a Major League Baseball game.
Being that it the game is in Atlanta, people asked why the NFL wouldn't opt for local talent like OutKast or any one of a thousand southern rap groups but the answer is pretty easy....the NFL sucks and they are so afraid to have one of these groups take a knee that they will literally make their premier non-sporting event as lame as possible.

Take on wet water

For a guy who has the best words, he certainly struggles with adjectives. Trump really only has a handful of them (huge, great, tremendous, phenomenal, overrated, horrible, terrible) and they always describe an event he's championing as the greatest and every event he's fighting against as the worst.

It's so sad to see a grown man struggle to form a coherent simple sentence and when he sort of does it's hard to understand him with all the self-felating he does. But now we know how difficult that might actually be for him, with his stumpy mushroom dick, he can't have it easy especially since he doesn't at all look flexible.

Today was classic Trump as he described the water flooding as one the wettest we've ever seen in terms of water. Somebody show him the Seinfeld clip about not being over to over-wet laundry because the guy needs to get out more.

Take on the OpEd author.

There aren't that many times that I'm genuinely shocked at what happens in the world of politics but today might be one. Kellyanne Conway said that Kavanaugh accuser should be heard which stands in direct contradiction than what we have heard out of the White House all week. Maybe this was a strategy decision from The West Wing or maybe this was Kellyanne going rogue.

But either way she actually did a none shit-bag thing which for her is shocking considering she's a shit-bag and doing shit-bag things is sort of her schtick.

What it does do is that it plays well into the new working theory in working on that she's the author of the OpEd.
The reason we in this newsroom believe this might the case goes as follows

- George Conway seem like he might genuinely not be a shit-bag and unlike his wife he seems to have morals and..gulp...a heart. I can't imagine somebody with that actually being married to somebody who is the real life version of Cruella DeVille. So unless this is just the way the two of them flirt and get their rocks off, or they are in discussion for a new Carville-Matalin show, the match seems odd.

- Maybe, just maybe, she's slightly less of a shit-bag than we thought. On second thought, she's a total shit-bag because as a friend said to me. "If she is the OpEd author it somehow makes her even worse" which is just shocking to imagine since she's already at a level 12 on the shit-bag category

- this one statement may be benign but Kellyanne is the most calculated political hack of all time, she almost never gets caught off guard and is able to spin on a dime.

- the Woodward book tells stories of her secretly removing paperwork from the President's desk which is exactly what the OpEd implies.

- she's the least likely to have been the author outside of Little Don, Ivanka and dumb Eric which sort of makes her the most likely. She knows that Trump would try to snuff out her author and she would be on the very short list of people that nobody would suspect.



But I'm banking on Old George to have some influence on her which isn't totally shit-baggy

Take on the 17 Angry Democrat tweets

The lamest thing about Trump is his Illegal Mueller, 17 angry Democrats, Peter Strzok, witch hunt ones. The other crazy stuff like the kneeling thing or the wall stuff sort of plays well to his audience but I have to think that this one -which he seems to regurgitate about once per day- doesn't resonate with anybody.

For a Trump Tweet it sort of misses the hot take hard angle, it sounds about as genuine as an informercial and is about as interesting as one

Take on the Chinese limit on screen-time

China wants to limit screen time for kids which sounds like a great idea if you can just forget about personal freedom which in China, they can. One of the official reasons is that it causes near sightedness along with addiction

We all know that kids who watch too much TV are likely addicted and getting them to be not addicted does sound sort of good, they sit around stationary and before they know it they are going to be 500 pounds. So maybe other fat kids being near sided is a good thing as these kids can't see each other.
Back in my day we would get near sighted the same way we got hairy palms.

Take on the dumb one.

Eric Trump has somehow gotten uglier.

He has always been known as the dumb one when it came to Trump's spawn which when you combine it with the fact that he was a buck toothed slob is likely the reason his dad always kind of hated him. But somehow he has gotten both dumber AND uglier which is hard to do when your bar is already so low.

I can't quite explain what it is but he went from this dorky fat rich kid to this dorky rich dork kid to this slicked hair dorky kid and somehow the change actually makes him look worse.

See somewhere between Trump winning and today, he decided to grow this horrible beard, slick his hair back and hang out with some dude named Brad Parscale who looks like an extra on Jersey Shore. I can't imagine a worse way for spending a day than flying cross country with these two meatheads with there stupid shades on inside their gold airplane.

The look on Eric's face is obviously that of a guy who is wondering if the other guy forgot to wipe his ass or he forgot himself.

Take on Trump’s next dumb thing

Trump's such an idiot it is shocking. On the eve of the season's first big storm, he decided to use the time to question the validity of the GW study showing that nearly 3000 people died in the aftermath of Maria. This is Trump for you, he sees every issue as one he must win because anything less would show weakness. He has no empathy, he shows no emotion, he has no feelings and yet these are not qualities that the 36% of voters see as even slightly important.
But the best is seeing there GOP big wigs respond to questions about his idiotic tweets as they all just go with the "I haven't seen the tweet" response, which could only be true if they literally had their heads up Trump's gigantic ass because there is no way to avoid any of it

Take on the dirty priests

There is nothing that disgusts me more than the Catholic Church's deceit when it comes to the clergy sexual abuse allegations. Today a report came out that nearly 4000 kids were abused while
the holy church did nothing. I'm not religious man but could be considered spiritual and see the distinction as pretty simplistic
I cannot imagine trying to follow (and defend) a religion which is based on seeing man's flaws and claims to "do good" yet hides behind its cloak when it has been more than apparent that their priests are a bunch of sex obsessed perverts.

The church which would consciously move these priests from parish to parish carries all the blame and when you hear that the amount of victims is in the thousands, you have to think that somebody in the Vatican Human Resources is not doing a great job in vetting these guys

I'm all for any priest caught doing this getting locked in the room with the most hung prisoner and let the old father know how it feels.

Take on Trump’s 9/11 face.

You sometimes wonder if Trump has any idea what sorrow means. As he got off of a flight to commemorate 9/11, he arrived in Pennsylvania and had the kind of look on his face like he was about to wrestle an alligator...or have a bad case of the runs

Trump doesn't understand civility, he doesn't understand compassion, he doesn't understand decency and he doesn't understand humanity. Nobody should ever confuse today for anything other than the most somber one in our country's existence and only Pearl Harbor day is close.

Also, it might be appropriate for the President of the United States to wear a black suit on a day like today and not a pair of 42L black pants with a XXL navy blue jacket. This guy could take some style lessons from me and I shove The Daily News into my jacket pockets like a homeless guy

Anyway, glad Trump is having fun. He is a lunatic

Take on the terrible ratings.

Remember that terrible CBS show Everybody Loves Raymond?? Well we have a new one called Everybody hates Donald. His unfavorable numbers are out of control, with Republicans starting to slip. His approval rating is 36% which is getting into Nixon territory, independents are dumping their DJT stock and democrats now view him 92% unfavorably

The questions I have are

- who the hell make up the remaining 8% of Democrats?
- what did the last three months do to turn 10% of independents away from Trump. I mean it's been a horrible three months but not any more horrible than the previous three
- the 18% of Republicans who don't approve seems low somehow. There have to be plenty of well intentioned, smart, coherent white breads left in that party who aren't fooled by this con. Or at least more than 18%

Take on Nikki Haley

Nikki Haley is taking her role at the UN and convening a corruption task force which is great as there are many governments in this country which are highly burdened by terrible corruption. What I suspect this is though, is a way for her to snuff out corruption in his own government and allow her to become the rightful new lion king.
See Nikki Haley is the consummate opportunist and will happily take down Trump as she has shown her base just enough dissent to distance herself and just enough embrace that the craziest think she's one of them. In other words she is the perfect politician and the chances of her having written than OpEd is rising although we work believe it was written by one Kellyanne Conway

Take on the plaid shirt guy

The plaid shorted dude at the Trump Talley in Montana made some headlines mostly because he was making stupid weird faces as our president as saying stupid weird things. Then we find out that he was escorted out by serving and probably given a deep cavity search before being interviewed by the FBI.
We are now a country that arrests a guy for making a stupid face. What he hell are we becoming if this is what we do. Forget calling the media he enemy the people, you are now saying the people are the enemy of the people

Morons, every one of them

Take on 44v45

After sitting silently for about a year and a half, 44 came out swinging today and hit 45 right between the eyes. Trump is 20 years older and 80 pounds heavier and 30 yards dumber, so it isn't really a fair fight and when it comes to eloquence one man has it in abundance while the other has a hard time spelling it.

So maybe the gloves are finally off, but sadly for both men, neither has proven been much of a campaigner for anybody but themselves

Take on Brett Kavanaugh cheering section

As if Brett Kavanaugh wasn't a creepy enough guy, he brought a bunch of high school girls to his confirmation meeting.   Roy Moore immediately kicked a chair in his outhouse, angry that he lost that race.   See Kavanaugh is a weird looking guy as we already described but parading a bunch of 15 year olds in front of creepy old men like John Cornyn has got to be a new low for the upper chamber.  I'm just surprised the photo he took from his angle wasn't of him pleasuring himself.   

Anyway, here is to hoping John Cornyn zipper his penis when putting on his pants tomorrow

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Take on the resistance

So the resistance is coming from within the White House and everybody wants to know who the senior official is.

We out together a cheat sheet
It would be MadDogMattis as he's on his way out and thinks Trump has the intelligence of a fifth grader which is an insult to a bunch of fifth graders. But is think he'd wait till he's fired and then put his name on this thing....after he decapitated Sean Spicer

It's might be General Kelly who would have the ability to influence the most and has shown visible disdain for the president but it seems to easy.

It could be Pence who's choir boy image never quite meshed with Trump. And twitter thinks that his use of lodestar is a dead give away. I think it is just another official trying to throw us off the trail

Maybe it the Big Huck but she's likely too busy chomping down on a burger

It might be Ivanka but she's likely too busy powdering her bush

It could be Kushner but he is a winy wiener

Might be Miller although that would mean he had a decent bone in his body, which he doesn't have

Kudlow could be a candidate but he's been around for a week.

I've thought about the other secretaries but none of them have enough powder to influence all the policies needed to contain the president, like the interior or the EPA alone can't be enough. Maybe it's a concerted effort amongst them all, like Voltron.

So we think it is Kellyanne, the ultimate heel

Take on the ugliness of the Brett Kavanaugh

The Supreme Court justices are as a whole not a good looking bunch.   Alito looks like a dad who wears socks with his crocs, Sotomayor looks like she got her haircut using an outlet, Thomas' haircut starts three quarters up his head and ends on his back and Ginsberg is older than dirt.    Roberts is a normal looking dude with eyes that aren't symmetrical and Gorsuch has that stately look although you know he doesn't wear underwear under the robe and is playing pocket pool.  Kagan is buck-toothed and Breyer has a weird dick in the mashed potatoes look

I'm not totally sure what it is but there is something especially odd looking about Brett Kavanaugh.   The rosy red cheeks are a certain sign of a guy who likes his scotch at night AND in the morning, the bad toupee makes him look like a sex offender, the odd W Bush smile makes him look like he is a bumbling buffoon and his ears are like stapled to his head.  He looks like he uses mascara and he has all these weird pimples like he is a prepubescent 12 year old who ate an entire pie of Dominos.  He has three chins and his eyes are similar to those of a weasel which is appropriate considering his weaselnessie. 

It's time to nominate somebody we are not embarrassed of.   

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Take on Danny Trejo

When I caught an article today about a missing man whose sister's van was torched, I looked at the dude and thought that they must have confused the guy with Danny Trejo. It wouldn't be too crazy if this was actually a movie poster since Trejo has like 300 credits to his name and has to be the most recognizable Hispanics character actor of all time.

I mean the guy is completely typecast as a badass Mexican gangbanger and usually doesn't actually have any lines other than "I'm here to kill your wife and drink her blood" in Spanish.
Anyway, maybe he's the guy who was caught in that van or maybe he is the brother or that dude's doppelgänger is the baddest most heavily tattooed Mexican this side of Trump's stupid wall.

Take on bad beer

Years ago I'd drink any beer out in front of me, I'd usually drink Miller Liter because of you are going to have a case, let it be a less filling. Somehow in the last decade my palate has become more refined and I'm at this point in my life
Where the calories aren't worth it unless it's going to be a an good beer. I'm quickly become a beer snob as I'll only drink a hoppy IPA at this point, you'd never catch me with a Bud in the same way you couldn't catch me eating white chocolate any more. I need more bitterness, more compete flavor and less piss water.
When I mentioned this to somebody they agree on the Miller Lite thing but asked about a Heineken which has a proud Dutchman I should embrace but honestly that stuff is awful. Every Heineken I've ever had in the USA tastes like a skunk urinated into a green bottle and somebody paid $11 for six of them and brought them to your house for a party. That stuff makes my teeth hurt

Take on Old Man Trump

As the world mourned John McCain, old man Trump was sitting on his gold plated toilet tweeting angrily. The further along this has gone, the more he has turned into a crazy homeless person screaming the street corner. I know there are a lot of things we could discuss but when the only comment he can fall back on is the stupid MAGA thing, you know he has run out of things to say. I have to hope that the likes are starting to drop for his imbecilic attention craved pathetic attempts at recognition. The entire Republican establishment needs to step up and disown this moron before he accidentally tries to stick his wiener in the Resolute Desk asking his advisors if it's funny and then closing the drawer as hard as he can. Actually I'd kind of like to see that.