Take on the Moderna chances against omicron

The fact the Moderna CEO is predicting that their vaccine stands no real chance against omicron is about as depressing a fact as we have heard. Most CEO's do nothing but unjustly hype their product but this one went either with the short the stock
theory or we're screwed.

I do have to say the last few months of summer and all were nice with numbers coming down me as more people were getting jabbed. There was also the added benefit that we got to see Darwinism really work

But now we are all screwed, we'll see you sometime this spring.

Take on a classy return for Christmas

Jill Biden has brought a lot of things back to The White House including style, grace and class but really nothing shows this better than the fact that the place doesn't look like the hotel in The Shining anymore. I never paid much attention to any decorations before but when Melania basically painted the entire thing in blood red, it certainly felt off.
Anyway, let's hope the next few decades of
decorations are pretty lame and normal

Take on Ronny Jackson

Can somebody explain to me how Ronny Jackson was considered a vital member of the presidents inner staff just a few years ago. I'm not taking about during the crazy Trump times but he was the president's personal physicians during Obama and this guy is absolutely bananas.
How this guy has a medical license let alone a driver's license is beyond me.

Take on omicron

I'm nervous about the new variant, mostly with the reports it may be immune to the vaccines. I'm not ready to go back into isolation, not ready to give it all back again and certainly not ready to not have toilet paper

But what I'm really struggling with is how the hell do you pronounce omicron? Is it like O-Micron. Oh Mick Ron or is it just pronounced Oh Shit

Take on Boebert

Lauren Boebert is the absolute worst thing that has ever happened to the House and that's saying a lot. She feasts on hate, binges on ignorance and pukes up anything left of morality.

She's personally responsibility for the decline of civility in the entire body. Plus her husband is a miserable sex offender who was caught showing his little Boebert to a bunch of teens at a bowling alley.

But mostly it proves again that the day that the GOP. House leadership takes a moral stand will be the first.

Take on the unvaccinated

Just when ir felt like the people who decided to get inoculated were starting to see some daylight, new reports are out for a very Delta-y delta strain of the covid virus. This is just getting ridiculous as it seems we will never get a break from this. We've been at it for nearly 2 years and people are still dropping like flies. Granted it's turned into not such a bad method of population control as they are almost entirely anti-vaxxer meatballs

Take on Covid Toe

When I saw Covid Toe trending I assumed it was a new phenomenon which happened because so many people are wearing yoga pants all day while working from home. It turned out that there is actually a medical CovidToe issue… or so Joe Rogan claims.

Anyway, Aaron Rodgers seems to have been inflicted by this which you'd only say couldn't have happened to a nicer more honest person.

Hope it's not contagious, would hate to see his other toes infected after the one toe didn't take precautions

Take on the Unite Right liability

I was happy to see the Unite the Right organizers held liable for damages but think to myself the $26million they are charged with is just silly.

These are a bunch of worthless oafs who suck on the teat of social programs within the United States, who don't actually work or make money who are now held liable for more money than they will ever possibly make.

I get that this is just basically the same as some wide receiver becoming the highest paid receiver in the NFL when we all know those contacts aren't guaranteed.

Take on the bullied RNC

I don't feel any sympathy for the RNC but the fact they seem to be willfully bullied is mesmerizing.

Somehow they have decided to use party funds to pay of Trump'a personal legal bills although he supposedly is a billionaire and on top of that's has has like $100 million in his war chest.

But I guess if they are happy getting slapped around and given constant wedgies, why should I care

Take on the Wisconsin auto wreck

When you read about these psychos getting into their car and running through a parade of people you wonder how we can ever make it though. Forget gun violence of drugs, some whacko getting behind the wheel and deciding to play roller derby is one of the absolute scariest things is America.

It's time to step up and start giving people a mental health check before affording them a licensee

Take on guns

I'll never really understand American gun laws but the fat that a passengers weapon discards today at any airport tells you all you need to know about guns in this country. We've been waiting for a decade to figure out what our country can't seem to get out of its own way when it comes to gun violence but I feel like the fact somebody can lawfully carry a gun into an airport and accidentally discharge is has to be a big part of it.

Take on the stacked case

There was just no way that Kyle Rittenhouse would be convicted. Forget whether he should be held at least partially responsible for the tragedy of three lives ending that day, the fact that judge cozied up with him from day one is beyond disturbing. Whether it was allowing Rittenhouse to pick the final 12 jurors, his weird diatribes, not allowing the prosecution to build a case around his character or the fact the judge used the Trump theme song as his ringtone, this was a case where the cards were stacked firmly against the state.

But Rittenhouse just became the latest GOP mascot and will be brought along as the new whack pack with the St. Louise couple, the pillow guy and that nutbag who murdered Trayvon

Take on Big Head Matt

Matt Gaetz apparently has decided to dump Nester and instead is looking to hire a new 18 year old.

He's not looking to hire a qualified, over achiever who has hopes of changing the world as a congressional intern but instead decided to make the public offer to a guy who should be spending the next 5-10 years in prison.

Of course, Gaetz doesn't care about what happens to BLM activists or even basic civility, he just hopes to lead his political party to go further off the deep end…and with this he is actually incredibly successful

But the clock is ticking on Matty…seems his buddy Joel Greenberg is singing like a canary and we will have some indictments coming soon.

Wonder how he can get that orange jumpsuit over his gigantic head without needing to cut it.

Take on Paul Gosar

If I ran into Paul Gosar with my car, I wouldn't recognize him. From what I can tell, he's a pretty worthless congressmen who doesn't ever see to do anything other than post stupid crap to give him some media attention. Today the house voted to censure him meaning he will be doing even less work but also immediately ingratiates him with the Trump right. Obviously if I posted a photo of me killing a coworker, it wouldn't go well but when you have a spineless minority leader and a lock-step GOP, you don't even acknowledge that it may have been in poor taste.

Take on Chubby Bubby

Trump put on a tuxedo and sat down with the My Pillow guy for a one on one interview to set the record straight…or to sell T-shirt's it's hard to know. Nothing came of it I'm sure as the two tried to get to the bottom of baseless election fraud by felating each other but then again nobody expected anything else.

What I did notice was that somehow Trump has gotten even fatter. He's now so round that he looks like BB8 with little legs and arms. I swear if you throw him on his back, he may not be able to get up.

Take on the homeless guy

Steve Bannon turned himself in and immediately tried to make himself out to by some kind of homeless martyr. I'm not sure who can help him but he looks severely sick, he has those weird marks all over his face, he always wears like five shirts and he looks like has hasn't showed in a month. There is nobody in their right mind who would get anywhere near him if he was standing on a subway platform


Trump has already proven to be more than happy to turn on him and the fact he looks like a sack of rotting potatoes won't help that case much either. Trump doesn't like sloppy and Steve is as sloppy as it gets

Take on too much coffee

Twitter asked today if there was such a thing as too much coffee. Coming from somebody who has two cups before 7am, three more by the noon, two afternoon cups of Joe, one when I get home and one before bed, I'm not sure there is an answer.

But if my heart stops at some point, realize a shot of caffeine won't jolt me awake

Take on Big Chris

When Big Chris got Covid last year, his boss called to check up on him…we'll be called to check in on him and to make sure that he wouldn't take the fall if Chris' family were in the market for a XXXL coffin. This is what The Former Guy is all about, making sure that no matter the situation, he wouldn't have to take any responsibility.

Luckily Big Chris made it through and lived but sadly Trump won't face charges for slaying the beast.

TaKe on Sloppy Steve

Sloppy Steve was indicted today for refusing to appear before the January 6th commission. Of course this shouldn't be news being that he flouted the law when he failed to comply to it.
What we have now are two counts each which can mean up to one year in prison but we know he'll likely get the minimum which is 30 days per count and then likely get our early for eating everything off of his plate..literally.

The issue with 30 days us that he won't suffer but instead will use it to become a kind of media darling

TaKe on Sloppy Steve

Sloppy Steve was indicted today for refusing to appear before the January 6th commission. Of course this shouldn't be news being that he flouted the law when he failed to comply to it.
What we have now are two counts each which can mean up to one year in prison but we know he'll likely get the minimum which is 30 days per count and then likely get our early for eating everything off of his plate..literally.

The issue with 30 is that he won't suffer but instead will become a kind of media darling

Let's h

Take on Kyle the Ritt

Kyle Rittenhouse will not rot in a jail cell, he will Ktm face the music for his misdeeds. He will never feel the pain of his victims because he's a heartless monster whose entire being is based on the fact he's privileged and white.

Had he been black, he's be fried right now. Literally They would have sent him to the electric chair and turned it to 11

Take on Rittenhouse

There is no bigger pantie wearing crybaby than Kyle Rittenhouse and there was no more embarrassing display than his Oscar nominated job today in the courtroom in Kenosha

His little glance over to the jury told you everything about how genuine his tears were which sounded like a fat guy's wet fart.

I know he'll get off because 'Merica.. but I hope he lives a miserable existence when he does because that dude does not deserve to walk the free earth….and his gigantic mother should be tried as an accomplice to murder

Take on Columbine

As if the entire NRA wasn't evil enough, tapes from right after Columbine show an almost unsympathetic view is the tragedy with their leaders huddled around trying to justify not cancelling their own convention which was to be held a few miles from the high school
It's hard to remember a time before Columbine when a mass school shooting seemed completely ludicrous. Nobody would actually gun down a building of unarmed teens purely for the shock value. We were more innocent then or maybe just more naive but twenty years later we've had Parkland and Sandy Hook and hundreds of others and at this point we hardly bat an eye. Our leadership has failed us, our fellow citizens have disappointed us and the gun lobby has profited.

In a country where everything is always about rights, the rights of the victim are never given any

Take on the anti vaxxers

Sometimes the Onion just writes itself. Today some random politician who was hosting a big anti vax rally had to step back from his appearance because..he has covid. I get the issue here, they are all so incredibly egotistical that they believe they can't possibly get infected with a virus that seems to have no regard of anything other than people who breath.

But that's where it's most infuriating, those politicians and media figures who go on their anti-vax rants are all earthly and come extend enough to get the best treatment afforded. So they don't physically die…although their soul does.

Take on Murphy

Phil Murphy underwhelmed last Tuesday but even an amateur political forecaster never thought this was in doubt. Yes, Jack took an early lead but when you see the outstanding votes, it was obvious it would break Murphy's way and now with 95% of the vote counted he's up by 65,000 votes which is like 2.6%. Of course a 10%+ would have been better for him but it honestly wasn't that close.

Take on Big Bird

Big Bird got Ted Cruz's panties in a bunch because the big soft muppet doesn't like the fact the bird gave out a public safety message. These idiots are convincing 40% of this country that every measure of safety is government overreach. Whether it's sensible gun reform, covid vaccines or mask wearing, they take every issue and choose "rights" over common decency. It all sounds like Marxist to a group which basically has the moral convictions of a bunch of stuffed animals.

Take on cryptomerica

Eric Adams made news by saying he would take his first three paychecks using Bitcoin which is only newsworthy if he negotiates the amount of Bitcoin beforehand. I don't see the difference if he gets $15k paycheck or $15k worth of Bitcoin on day one Bessie he could have just taken his paycheck, changed it and bought BitCoin.
This seems to me like saying I'll take it in Euros, in Jose Canseco rookie cards or in wheat pennies or whatever

So unless I'm missing something this isn't news. What will be news is if he will paying NYC and NY tax or NJ taxes

Take on Fox News

FoxNews is at the point where they are ripping on Murphy for gloating. This is the same channel which embraced Trump for not conceding. Then again these are the same idiots who preach to other idiots defending other idiots

Take on Murphy

Somehow Phil Murphy who is much more popular in his home state than Joe Biden almost lost to Jack Ciattarelli aktgough Biden ran all over Trump one year ago

It makes you think that in The Garden State the Trump effect is minimal and maybe also detrimental which isn't shocking considering how many people see themselves as independents here. Basically Jack never bringing Trump into the conversation shows you the roadmap for 2022. Keep away from the orange pile of flaming dog pop

Take on the rise of JFK jr.

There is very little about QAnnon I understand and what I do get is diminishing my the minute

The pedophile pizza ring was always odd but it had a known foil and I always assumed that the theory was that even if only a few whackos believed it, it would be enough to maybe soil some voters minds and swing a super close election.

The other ones with crazy deadlines for Trump to be reaffirmed always just seemed our in the sky with moving goalposts but it would keep the community engaged and they didn't ever seem to question any of it.

But the one I don't get is this JFK jr. thing. I'm not sure what the end goal was here but these weirdos do have to realize that if he were going to rise from the dead, he'd probably be a democrat being that…well.

But apparently the Trump/JFK Jr bandwagon had enough steam to drive a bunch of these folks for the JR Ewing moment in Texas

What bothers me most about this is who has time to do any of this?? Who can stand on a street corner in the middle of the day hoping to catch a guy whose plane crashed into the Atlantic like 15 years ago? Who is financially supporting them? Are they all still living in their parent's basements with transistor radios?

Then you realize this entire movement is filled with people on government aid and assistance, so the one supporting this is us.

Take on Josh “the porn addict” Hawley

Josh Hawley has never seemed like the kind of person who had enough self confidence but when he came out today to complain that feminism drives young men to porn and video games it seemed like a long overdue admission. We are sure that there is a long internet history on Hawley's computer of all sorts of pervert porn. He seems like the kind of guy way too interested in donkey love for example.