TaKe on the half time show

The NFL announced its half time show and the world went nuts. Basically every white boy was reliving his college days when he was cranking The Chronic out of his Nissan Pulsar while wearing baggy jeans and acting like a total tool…in other words the NFL just nailed its demographics.

I'm hoping for a great show, even if these entire act is easily 20 years past their prime but that is all the half time show ever seems to be

Take on the urinal-port towel public bathroom layout

Can somebody explain to me how a National chain puts the paper towel dispenser right next to the urinal? First of all, who the hell wants a chance of splash-back hitting paper towels but more importantly, I'm done taking a leak, washing my hands, singing happy birthday twice and ready to leave and now I have to wait for Pauly to get done wiggling his wiener before I can dry off

Take on Mitchy

There is no more horrible human than Mitch McConnell who has spent his life with no sense of irony when it comes to his political decisions. Whether it's decisions to take a stand on not bringing Merrick Garland up for a vote or now standing tough on a debt ceiling, he's always out front on anything that doesn't play to his crazy political base.

It's not even his moral stance that bothers you as much as his complete spinelessness

Take on Joe Biden’s booster

Joe Biden who is eligible for the booster shot as he's nearly 100 years old got his shot today while giving a presser.   We know this is basically a publicity stunt but unlike the Former Guy, this stunt is actually meant to save lives and encourage a smart medical decision while Trump's was purely to stoke the flames of anti science rhetoric.    But then again, Trump's decision to never embrace the vaccine has forced his supporters to ingest horse dewormer and bleach and are now dying at like a 10X higher rate than Biden supporters, so it's certainly an interesting strategy. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on hurricane Sam

As if the entire 2020-2021 period hasn't been crappy enough, we are going to be dealing with Hurricane Sam which is already predicted to be a category 4. We can't get a break on anything lately, between lunate change basically ripping our communities apart, an ex president who won't let anybody change his diaper and this little Covid thing, it's really been ridiculous

Take on The Judge

When you see a girl with crazy eyes..you know you are in for some trouble. judge Jeanine has those eyes you see on a stripper with saggy boobs and a big tattoo on her leg who begs you for another lap dance just so she can get afford her fix.

The Judge has been on a tear the last few years but recently her self defense about not being racist, xenophobic or anti LGTB is a bit rich for even us Just own who you are, the crazies will only love you more

Take on the Arizona audit

The Trump Arizona recount showed that Biden actually beat Trump even worse with him picking up additional votes and Trump losing votes. Of course everybody expected this, or at least every sane person did. I'm not quite sure what the pillow guy and Trump will do next but the fact there are elected officials who continue to stroke his ego and try to flatter him with this gigantic waste of time and energy is one of the saddest things I've ever witnessed

Take on Kayleigh Ann

God we miss Kayleigh Ann McEnany, it was hard to imagine finding somebody as easily tricked as Spicer with the moral compass of KellyAnne and the knack of sticking her foot in her mouth ala Eric but Trump did.

Today Kayleigh decided to go all in on Biden's track record on crime and posted a NYT graphic showing a peaked murder rate in the far right hand corner. It was devastating for the president at the time to show this exponential jump and McEnany certainly put that president on notice.

Sadly for her, she showed a graph through 2020..when Trump was still in office. Seems the need to read didn't mean that much to Kayleigh.

Oh well.

Take on the vaccinated Olympics

There is virtually nothing I agree with when it comes to the IOC but their decision to force all athletes to be vaccinated before the Winter Olympics is one time they are right. I'm so sick and tired of living in a society that has no regard for others. That our entire mantra has to be "what's good for me is good for me" makes me sick to my stomach but then again what do you expect from an entire society that regards science with contempt and has been brainwashed to disregard facts.

Take on the Space Force dress uniforms

I had sort of assumed the asinine idea of a Space Forde would have disappeared after Trump left office but somehow we are still doing this apparently
As if this isn't already a gigantic waste of money, today they showed off their uniforms which look like the kind of thing a guy who wears a poofy Jets jacket would wear when he shoves Daily News copies into his pockets. The pants on these uniforms are easily six sizes too big. Look at that poor woman in the photo, it's like they have her the pants they intended to give Chris Christie. And the dude on the right looks like his pants were taking directly from Manut Bol's wardrobe.


Embarrassing.

Take on Mark Zuckerberg

Mark Zuckerberg has always been a pompous whole and I'm glad that I ga e up on how crappy website years before the rest of you realized or was a heaping pile of burning dog poop. You just know this corrupt bastard was rubbing Trump's back to avoid scrutiny into the entire Facebook ecosystem and now we find out the quid pro quo was that Facebook would not fact check any of that crazy crap your aunt posts.

Screw Facebook and Trump

Take on the inconsistent news cycle

Nothing gets cable news more excited than a case of a missing young blond woman. We've gotten wall to wall coverage for the missing Gabby Petito which is well worth while but like the girl who was lost in Aruba a few years ago, it seems the media attention would be much less - or completely nonexistent- had this been a black woman from Baltimore or Detroit. Instead we hear all about her vegan fiancée, they yoga poses and all that while thousands of other young people go missing each year

Take on Justice for J6

The Justice for J6 protest seemed to resemble a suburban block party with dozens of people at the Capitol most of whom were missing a lot of sense and at least a few teeth
It's come to the point where you can't take anybody who attends these things remotely seriously anymore. They aren't serious people, they don't have real gripes and they've basically become the thing they claim everybody else is…mindless she's

Take out Laura Loomer

Laura Loomer told the world that covid was basically a case of some bad fajitas and like all things right and just in this world, she got a really bad case of Fajitas.

It's like a sitcom at this point, prominent conservative voice says that Covid is an overstated hoax being used for government overreach. Said conservative voice gets covid and spends the next week whining about how terrible they feel. In some cases they die leaving behind a legacy of idiocy.

I'm starting to think of these covid deaths kind of like when hearing about a life long smoker who gets lung cancer. At this point, come on.

Take on the former guy

Elect an outsider they said
Elect somebody who knows the tax code so he can reform it they claimed
Elect somebody who is so rich he can't be bought they screamed


We got Trump, a guy who knew so little about the constitutions d Supreme Court that they had to cram as much information into his orange head that it practically exploded
Hire a moron to take on the most important job Ain the world and don't be surprised when he royally screws it up

Take on the covid death too

We hit a milestone nobody was looking forward to hitting this week when 1 in every 600 US residents have died of covid. This milestone was entirely avoidable, we had a gigantic vaccine lead and an infrastructure that could handle the distribution. We had a decent distribution hierarchy and got a lot of shots in arms in a very short period but then Tucker and Hannity and those crazy conspiracy nuts got involved and basically turned 30% of our country into skeptics. This is the same 30% who believe that Trump is the second coming of baby Jesus himself, so really there is no hope

Morons

Take on America’s Superman, Dan Quayle

Dan Quayle may have saved the republic. I wasn't quite expecting that scenario but spineless Mike Pence was so busy trying to relate his old boss that he was desperately trying to find some rationale for not verifying the election. He called Quayle who shut him down on the idea faster than you can spell potato. This is what it's come down to, Trump's yes men tried every Avenue to overturn the election and we watched it.

Take on Nicki Minaj

When the world is taking vaccine advice from Nicki Minaj you know we are in trouble especially when it I'm lobes her cousins friend who went limp.

Apparently Minaj's cousin got an STD and had his nutsack swell up and now is impotent which sounds like he was getting a little something something on the side and wound up getting gonorrea and his fiancé called off the wedding.

Poor Minaj, poor us

Take on the VMA’s

When a buddy mentions the VMA's were on tonight, my first thought was..they still do those things? I can't remember the last time I even turned on MTV and I'm sure even when I accidentally did it, I was probably not catching a music video. I believe they are all made for YouTube which begs the question, what exactly is the point of the VMAs other than letting Megan Fox come in practically naked

Take on George W. Bush calls on Americans to confront domestic violent extremists

I am not a big W Bush fan although even I have to admit that the man has a certain dignity especially when describing the America he knows. Today he made the best speech of the day dedicating about half of his words to denouncing the domestic terrorists amongst us. We have seen his party embrace the January 6thers while laying blame at the feet of everybody else incoming the brave capital police but W would t even entertain that. He went directly after the rot in his party and for that I stand with him.

Take on Florida.

The more I look at a map of Florida, the more it reminds me of a flaccid penis. Ron DeSantis has done such a masterful job at keeping covid at bat that the state has now lost more people to Covid in the last few weeks than we lost in 20 years of Afghanistan but please keep talking about the tragedy of that poorly planned Afghan departure and avoid talking about the devastation in a state

Take on the NYC indoor vaccine mandate

Bill de Blasio is already backpedaling on his indoor vaccine mandate. Although the new mandate starts on Monday, he's already indicated that it won't have any teeth. Business establishments won't be fined or punished for not complying and individuals won't either. So we are now at a place in the vaccine when we are too afraid of the crazies to do the right thing.

take on the Robert E Lee defense

Trump went all in on Robert E. Lee which sort of describes his position on January 6th. We know that he's smart enough to recognize his base is a bunch of ardent southern heritage believers and defending Lee is like telling a Cowboy fan that Dak is going to throw for 5000 yards.
I'm just ready for Trump to drop dead. Hearing him do anything is just exhausting

Take on The Real Deal

Wait, Donald Trump is going to do commentary on a Evander Holyfield fight at the Hard Rock in Vegas and it's NOT 1995?

I cannot believe that this lunatic has fallen so far that he's literally selling his name for a fight with a guy who is at this point an earless punch drunk fool.

And he's doing this on September 11th

God help us

Take on the next miracle cure

Something tells me that cobra snakes are going to be a good investment. There is some study that shows that some Brazilian viper venom could help combat covid which you know means a bunch of anti vax jackasses from West Virginia are going to be walking around their houses naked hoping for their pet snake to bite them. This is what our country needs, more dumb reasons for people to show up at emergency rooms because why wouldn't we turn away people with legitimate health issues because some moron decided to inject himself with bleach, ats some horse dewormer or tried to convince a king cobra to deep throat them.

Take on Dicky Spence

Richard Spencer has had a rough run, he's a social outcast, who has lost his wife, will go to trial next month apparently has no money to get an attorney…., he's also a nazi piece of crap who is responsible for the death in Charlottesville.

There really isn't a more despicable human and the fact he's having a rough run is the kind of thing that makes me genuinely happy. Screw this neonazi piece of trash, hope he gets the crappiest public defender they can find

Take on the National weather alert

A buddy mentioned earlier today that Ida really seemed to have snuck up on us. His point is that when Henri was coming, it was a week of pre-storm panic but this thing came and nobody thought it would be more than heavy rain. What bothers me most is that although we got a bunch of alerts when the storm was at its peak of flooding in our area, we've gotten those many times before and they are always basically false alarms. Sometimes there is water but it's never impassable. This time there were rivers running down our streets

The National Weather System needs a higher alert because basically this was a boy who cried wolf scenario.

Take on the GOP poll

The first polls came our for a possible 2024 GOP nomination and The Former Guy is already leading the field with 67% of the votes never mind the fact he's an awful human. Ron DeSantis is running second which I'm sure he's fine with because it allows him to sniff Trump's five hole but it's a weird pick as he's just trying to be Donald Trump lite Nikki Haley and Mike Pence take the next two spots because if you don't like Trump, why not go for two top lieutenants from his crappy administration

I'd vote for Romney but nobody else seems to want to

Take on the McFlurry

I've never had a McFlurry but apparently the federal government is going to spend time and money into why the McFlurry machines are always broken. Maybe this is a big deal to somebody, maybe this seems like a worthwhile cause but when your entire town is flooded out and your kids are going to lose another year of school, you wonder if our priorities are right.

Take on the Joe Rogan experience

Joe Rogan autocorrects to Joe Arrogant on my phone and nothing seems more appropriate. This jackass just got covid and of course the loudest anti vaxer who has screamed from the rooftops about how unstable and unsafe the vaccines are is now taking horse dewormer. I'm supposed to be the better person and not wish harm upon anybody but when the people doing it are a bunch of a arrogant jackasses, i can't waste my prayers.