Take on the ultimate cock tease

I've been looking at the battleground map and feel like we are just being teased by all the polls that tell us that Georgia, Florida and Texas are in play. I'm sure Trump will win most of the Deep South but the thought of Texas and Georgia being in play feels like Lucy putting out the football for old Chuck. Still I wonder how the heck anybody from Maine would consider Trump, so I can't figure any of this out.

Biden needs a landslide here which will mean he must win one of these states

Take on the MAGA Phish tour.

There are a lot of really stupid things Trump says at his rallies but nothing is dumber than his entire "Merry Christmas" rant. I get what he's trying to do but it's so intellectually dishonest that the fact anybody actually buys into it is a shock

But then it reminds me of the kind of people who would stand on line for hours to see Trump riff for an hour like he's an aging rockstar. I'm nearly 45 years old and have to say that I'm 25 years past idolization. I like people, I appreciate greatness but I can't imagine at this state of my life making my entire life goal trying to follow anybody let alone somebody as none chilling awful as Trump. Watching these people idolize such a flawed character shows how badly these people need to feel like they belong

It really is like some weird MAGA phish fan rally.

Take on Walmart removal of guns and ammunition displays amid possible civil unrest

Walmart is removing guns and ammunition off their shelves as we head into a Election Tuesday. This tells you all you need to know, the country's largest retailer is afraid that it's clientele will take to the streets fully armed if Trump loses or if they can't get 12 cans of Diet Coke for $4.99.
Our country is so gun obsesses and so easily triggered that a peaceful transition to power almost seems impossible. The democrats have lost two recent presidential elections despite winning the national popular vote and both times they allowed the process to run. Will the GOP follow suit??

Take on Tucker’s big reveal

Poor Tucker, he was so close to his big reveal, his Al
Capone vault moment. His chance to get the accolades he so desperately wants from POTUS. His chance to finally put his Tucker stamp in the election and FedEx lost his letter. Sadly that was just meant to be for old Tucker. He forgot to get a photocopy of the very important documents and the sent the only known copy in the hands of some dude who showed up at FoxNews on the Avenue of the Americas reeking of weed. This is leaving your MacBook Pro with a blind technician in Delaware level dumb

Take on the New York Times Tax records showing Trump had over $270 million in debt forgiven after failing to repay lenders -m

I can't get Visa to forgive a $26 late fee while Trump gets $270 million forgiven. I can't believe how many times we should be shocked by some shenanigan pulled by Trump but I'm convinced now that there is nothing that will shock us. He's brazen in how he fights for himself before and after his election so I'm sure this election will means he's going to pull no punches at all.
We gotta get to Tuesday.

Take on Justice Barrett

Democrats have virtue, Republicans get shit done. When it comes to winning races, or getting justices on the courts the republicans go low and the democrats go high. It's nice to feel you are supporting the Jedi but when they keep blowing up your planet and putting embargo's on your space fleet, it's less fun

Republicans will likely get destroyed at the polls but that's a small price to pay for what they think is an existential battle for the soul of this country. They now have an unbreakable majority in the high court which will ensure that certain rights are forever protected (right to shoot somebody with your AK47) while other ones are shot down (health care, women reproductive rights, LGTB+ rights, anti voter suppression)

Trump's has wiped his gigantic ass with this country and we will be dealing with the stink for decades

Take on Trump’s 60 minutes meltdown

Trump was interviewed by Leslie Stahl today and when pressed on basic stuff like why he acts like a spoiled brat or why he can't from going on rants on Twitter he acted like a spoiled brat and got up and left. Of course this is what he would do, he can't take hard questions and when pressed he only knows how to get up and walk out because he can't take things not breaking perfectly for him

We have 9 days left of this madness. Can't wait to see him escorted out.

Take on the new fake Melania

Trump brought out a new fake Melania today to come out of Marine One with him. The question is whether he did this because she doesn't want to be seen with him or because she's till not fully recovered from her bout with Covid.

We have heard for years that she can't stand him and doesn't sleep in the same room as him and there are many clips of her swatting away his hand when he tries to clutch it in public but I'm so far over the FreeMelania thing, she's a racist birther and everything she claims to stand for is another example she's a complete hypocrite

I wonder if the new fake Melania gives Trump some loving or maybe that costs extra

Take on Mitch’s hands and face

Mitch McConnell showed up on capital hill looking like he got beat up by Lindsey Graham. His face looked bruised, his eyes were a weird color yellow and his hands looked like he was dead. Of course he could just have fallen down the stairs, maybe he was auditioning for Night of the Dead or maybe he's gotten sick and can't perform his job any longer.
Either way, when you show up like you were sitting front sear in a Matt Gaetz joyride gone bad, maybe bets to ask Donald's makeup artist for a bit of help

Take on the debate

Biden and Trump had a good old debate that at least was mostly civil. Trump pulled some random lies out of his ass, Biden rambled endlessly and it was sort of boring
But the one who really suffered was Trump's podium. He leaned against it like he was Chris Christie. He's getting larger by the second and looks more like a cartoon character

Take on Rudy with his pants down

Rudy has been caught with his pants down..and we have to think this isn't the first time. Of course his defense will be that an adult man should be allowed to fondle himself in front of a willing and able adult woman but anybody who has looked at Rudy knows how unlikely this scenario is without some money changing hands. I mean, he is a repulsive human and there is no way anybody could make the case that an attractive 26 year old would want anything at all to do with Rudy...unless she was propositioned with cold hard cash.

So Rudy, did you really think you were going to get lucky??

Take on poor Trump

Somehow Trump is out of money.

I can't figure out how this guy can draw thousands to his Covid parties but can't rub a couple of nickels together. He's down to $63million which sounds like a lot but when you realize that they are cancelling TV buys around the country you realize that when your base is a bunch of uneducated white guys maybe that isn't the group who can help fill your coffers.

Anyway, we are (hopefully) two weeks away from ending this national nightmare, it would be even better if Trump comes out of this thing owing millions

Take on the 3rd (really the 2nd) debate

The debate commission has decided to mute candidates microphones to allow for some uninterrupted opportunities to state their case. This will finally shut Trump up although I'm sure he'll continue renting and raving like a total lunatic. The issue is as much with candidates dodging questions as it is with them screaming over each other. Nobody seems to be able to take Trump to task as he just bulldozes over whoever he sees a vulnerability in.

So what they need is a moderator who will hold em to task. Nobody needs a repeat of debate #1

Take on the unflattering photo

Trump is starting to look more and more like a Madame Tussauds statue and a pretty poor one at that. Today he was caught in a church which must have felt weird for him because he's likely spent more time in it today's than he has for the last four years.
Anyway, he looked like what you'd expect to happen if a devil worshipper walked into a holy house...his entire face imploded into a mess of spray tan,
cheap cologne and rat poison

Take on Trump’s attack on Whitmer and the winds attack on his head

Trump went after governor Whitmer today in Michigan which even for him seemed odd considering the week she's had. This isn't a great surprise and the reaction of the Trump sycophants in the audience is par for the course but what we did notice was the photo used by The Daily News wasn't one Trumo will find flattering. Not only does it expose his gigantic bald head, it also aged him tremendously

Maybe he's not as young and vibrant as hill have you believe

Take on Trump’s threat to leave the country

Trump said he may have to leave e country if he loses to Biden and all of a sudden we can't possibly be more excited for November 3rd. The chances of Trump going through with that promise is about as high as him telling the truth for an entire day but we can all hope, can't we?

The thing about this promise/threat is which country would take him? Without the presidency behind him he becomes a complete pariah. Even Putin wouldn't take him anymore as he'd go from a useful idiot to just an idiot

Take on the dueling town halls

Biden and Trump couldn't do their normal debate so instead had dueling town halls which serves nobody. Biden looked like your boring uncle and Trump like your crazy one. Of course when it comes to policy, Biden actually has some and can express them and Trump screams about pedophiles and QAnon
Of course it wasn't nice to see that Biden outlasted Trump and continues to take questions long after the TV cameras stopped rolling showing he's got enough to get himself over the finish line

Trump meanwhile peed in the family style mashed potatoes.

Take on the NY Post Hunter Biden Story

The October surprise was apparently a Rupert Murdock special with a lame story the NY Post published today. Basically some computer repair guy got his hands on a computer which was left at his shop and he didn't know whose it was. He says he combs through it and it turns out to be Hunter Biden's which he goes through and turns over to Rudy Giuliani to further investigate. The computer repair guy also says that he kept a backup of the computer as his Marc Rich protection plan. There were vague inquiries from the FBI which may or may not have come after Rudy for his paws on the computer.
I think he also said that Hunter was a frequent customer of Comet Pizza.

Something tells me that Hunter would have gone to the Genius Bar to fix his MacBook and that had he left it there unattended and had the Genius Bar guy gone through his computer and read all emails that would have been a major invasion of privacy and if there was some criminal act that handing it to Rudy would not be considered the smartest course of action

Take on the farm subsidies

The way that politicians throw around subsidies to buy votes has never sat well with me but as the federal government spent nearly $50 billion in farm subsidies while the rest of the country suffers certainly should be looked at. Do farmers derange something, I guess so but on a good year, how much of a subsidy do they get?
I have nothing against farmers or rural communities but I find it interesting that subsidies seem to be be fine for soy bean farmer but not for renewable energy.

Take on the obese sickly president

Trump apparently couldn't make it up the normal steps today, so he decided to use the cargo entrance to roll his gigantic ass onto Air Force One. We know he's not doing well and his doctor's proclamation that he has now had two consecutive negative tests only reinforces that three days ago he got a positive test. Which means he was still positive when he returned to the White House exposing everybody involved with his transit.

Anyway, he's three weeks away from the most humiliating day of his life where he will take a beating so hard it will make the Broncos-49ers super bowl look competitive.

Take on the Fauci taken out of context ad

Trump doesn't respect Anthony Fauci but somehow his campaign in using an out of context quote of
Fauci's in their latest political ad. They won't let the man speak to the American public yet his spliced
words are ok to use to try to convince the rest of the free world that Trump is still a total disaster when it comes to just about everything.
Be sucks, three weeks to go

Please vote

Take on the negative test

Very time a White House official is asked when Trump last had a negative test these evade the question. It' pretty obvious they are hiding something as them just saying "ten days ago" or something would turn a week long story into one that may not make the front page
But Trump either was sick before he debated Biden and went on his little donor suck up fest OR more likely he doesn't ever get tested even as they claim he's getting tested daily.

The point is that the leader of the free world who has access to unlimited tests and the best medial options won't even give the virus some lip service should tell American where his interest lies.

And it's not with them

Take on the kidnapping suspects

The 10 mugshots of the kidnapping suspects had some oddities to them

The top row is odd. The first guy looks like he's gotten off in a parking lot with a transvestite, his neighbor looks like his face just got squeezed out of feral cat's vagina. The middle guy in the top row looks like he's going to a Depeche Mode concert and is just hoping his mom didn't throw away his Doc Martins. Number four looks like a gay Bam Bam Bigelow and number five in the top row looks like a cross between a lumberjack and a Russian ballerina.

The bottom row isn't better but definitely blonder
The first guy looks like he's channeling Adolph himself. Number two is definitely a dude with a. Massive child porn stash. Number three
squeezes his own nutsack when beating off. Number Four looks like he's got weird neck a tattoo and number five looks like the shoe bomber guy


And somehow these guys are still called a militia and not the terroir group they really are.

Take on Don Jr. super spreads event l

Don jr. never one who wants to be outdone by his namesake, decided to have a super spreader event of his own to make sure he too could get Covid too. I'm sure he's just hoping that daddy would start paying attention to him but sadly if little Don gets sick and is our on a ventilator, Trump will just see him as weak and fall out as a failure
But glad little Don got his rocks off, he's ready to make sure the rest of the west wing can get that living corona feeling, too.

Take on the fly on Pence’s head

To be a fly on the walk took on a new meaning when one decided to nest in Mike Pence's head likely attracted to what we fecal matter was growing in his eye. The debate was interesting in that it was pretty boring staying sort of on topic and mostly without interruptions

Pence did well to make the case for a conservative agenda and was able to paint Kamala as further left, something she wasn't able to shake.

Kamala did well when it came to the tepid response to Covid from Pence's task-force and Trump's taxes and debts

The fly did well by staying perched on Pence's head which must have infuriated Trump

The moderator kept her cool but couldn't keep Pence from filibustering. The "thank you Mr Vice President" didn't work at all, I'm giving her a D

Neither candidate had any interest in discussing what would happened if their boss died.

I'm not sure why Kamala or Joe don't ever mention Merrick Garland.

Kamala's eye rolls will get an entire dedicated SNL skit. Her choice of jacket with her pants suit will get a dedicated TOR post

Pence's wife showed up without a mask which is about as shocking as Pence agreeing to stand on a stage with a woman not mother.
Not sure how Mrs Pence feels about her husband felating the president on the national stage but it must air awkwardly with her deeply religious family

Glad Pence made it clear who Trump's favorite grandchildren are.

Overall, nobody watches the VP debate to change their minds, they just want to see if a fly lands on the head of a 60 year old with pink eye

Take on the national polls

The choice for president is 57%-41% right now and although everything should tell you that we should feel some sense of relief about that, we don't.    First of all 57% could mean that he'll dominate New York, California and Connecticut but may leave the key state's like Michigan, Pennsylvania and Ohio up for grabs.    Trump will likely dominate in Mississippi, Alabama and Kentucky but those states don't move the national number.    It's all going to come down to a handful of states and the rest for us will get to rubberneck. 

This election will go one of two ways

Either we have a Reagan-Modale type sweep but in reverse with the former Vice President running the table on the incumbent OR Trump finds a way to squeak by using some funny electoral math in a few key states that will have us asking if the polling was wrong or if Vlad for his hands stuck in the Vodka jar.  

Either way, my vote is in and I'm ready!!

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the big bad wolf.

Trump made his triumphant return to the a White House and immediately shed his mask and in the process shed millions of virus particles all over furniture and fine china.
He then stood on the Truman balcony and looked like a fat man who walked up a flight of stairs, huffing and puffing like an orange big bad wolf. Luckily this generations Deep Throat gave us an update stating he's not doing well and they are trying to keep him upright after she overheard it from her mom.

But we must give credit where it's due and that is with the question of the day from a reporter who asked Trump if he was the superspreader


Nothing like becoming the Typhoid Mary of this generation, fatty.

Take on the Joy Ride

Trump decided to take a joyride because he was getting bored at Walter Reed hospital. He felt like exposing a few secret service officers was well worth getting a few minutes of fan adoration. Of course we all know how irresponsible this was and how unnecessary it is to expose the people who have sworn to protect you but even fiscal responsibility republicans would call this out for the expensive sham that it was

Take on Trump’s hostage video

Trump give a highly edited speech to the American public from Walter Reed in what can only be described as a hostage style video. Trump without his typical makeup looked pale and old and seemed uneasy during the entire thing. We know that the White House has been far from forthcoming having gone from implying he was asymptomatic to having a few mild signs to a low grade fever to admitting they had him on oxygen with a fever topping 102.

We think he'll come out of this which will lead to a thousand "will this now change his tone" articles which is a complete waste of paper, ink and time.

But why has been the most laughable is FoxNews suggesting Biden should suspend his campaign while Trump is going through this. Can't remember if they did the same during the 2016campaign when Hillary stumbles with pneumonia.

Take on fat pale Trump.

Trump looked paler and fatter than usual in his goodbye video which was taken before he departed for Walter Reed hospital. People thought this might be a sign the virus had taken ahold of him, but I figure he couldn't get anybody to put on his orange bronzer and he was having too much trouble breathing to put on his corset.

We wish him well and how he's in perfect health when it comes to November 3rd so he can be in fully healthy when he gets his ass handed to him.