Take on MouTai

Whenever I travel to China there is one night which makes you regret the entire trip. I'm forced to do it one time per trip and I usually insist it to be the last night, which is by design as it allows me to feel the consequences on a 14 hour flight home instead of during a full day of meetings. Last night a group of five of us were asked to polish off 2kg of a 5kg bottle of jet-fuel called MouTai

It's a necessity when doing business in China but not feeling like my eyes are popping out of my head after puking is a necessity too, so I've figured it a few tricks and Like a wily old veteran pitcher I use every single one of them in a night like this.

First you stick with beer for as long as possible. Sometimes you can get away with drinking beer when they are drinking the miserable stuff, so you do that till somebody notices and calls you out.

You then very demonstrably make a show out of the shots you take, big speeches so people think you are drinking more than you do and gives you cover for the next round.
This is when the magic happens. The MouTai is poured into these small glass carafes and you then our into these small wine glass shaped mini shot glasses. There is a lot of opportunity to empty your carafe without actually drinking it but you have to be smart.

First of all, you try to drink between big group shots and by drink I mean sip the stuff and spit it into one of those little wet towels they give you. It's a slow process but allows you to finish yours more quickly than others so the impression is that you are leading the charge. It also allows you to pour your own cup which is key. I always overpour from the little glass bottle into my glass which spills all over the tablecloth.

Then the magic happens. The tricks come out and it's a sight to behold. I put some in my mouth and thirty seconds later spit it into my water cup, I'll find a plant and often dump entire glasses Into it. I will always knock at least one glass over. Late in the night I will pour it directly into my napkin instead of into the glass. I'll spill it onto the ground, I bunch up tissues in my hand and soak up the booze while holding the cup. I sometimes will pour water into the cup, as this stuff is clear like water. I'll excuse myself with a full cup to go to the bathroom and flush it down the toilet. I switch carafes when people aren't looking. I'll accidentally drop a piece of rice into it and need to replace the glass. The trick is that you don't go to the same one too often, you constantly mix it up. It's a four hour dinner, and you need to figure out how to get through it.

That isn't to say that I don't consume a fair amount of it also, I just find ways to limit the intake.

You gotta survive this stuff.