Take on The Itch

There really might not be a worse person in this world that Mitch The Itch McConnell. It's not just because he looks like a limp turtle or because he ask obviously sold his soul to the Trump
World but because he can't even figure out how absolutely idiotic he sounds for calling Democrats obstructionists on the federal judge nominations

But then again he's a horrible human and we can only hope he gets squashed like the rodent he is.

Take on Kristen

Out of all the candidates vying for the democratic nomination, nobody does less for me than Kristen Gilibrand. Maybe it's the fact that she has never come across as authentic, even as she touts herself as exactly that
She's trying to get her social media game on with these weird tweets of her working out at a Hampton Inn which is fine but makes her look more desperately pathetic than genuinely down to earth. Something tells me that she didn't even stay there and just used it as a photo opp which is a shame since that would mean she can't take advantage of those make your own waffle things.

I'd be ok with her dropping out tomorrow and saving herself the time and heartache

Take on a golf cheat

If you asked me to give you one stone hard fact I knew about Trump, something I'd bet the house on, it would have been that he cheats at golf. Golf is a gentleman's game, a game of etiquette and honestly and those are attributes you'd never use when describing Trump.

All the ways that should describe a proper golfer is how you'd describe a proper president and there has never been a person whose broken the norm of both golfer and president quite like this

The two thing about this NY Post article is

- you know Trump will read it
- there is probably nothing that will irk him more than this.

Hilarity ensues.

Take on the Great Lakes

I wonder if Trump ever impressed himself with his big words. He tried to impress upon his MAGA audience that he's a big supporter of the Great Lakes as if they are a college basketball team which is an odd thing all together. Nobody seems to say they particularly support any part in nature like "I support the Great rocks in the gorge" but this is Trump and he thinks that he can stroke the ego of the people he's speaking with in some random method.

This is like "I support Salt Lake, it's a very salty lake, one of the salties lakes, record saltiness. Very very salty"

Take on homeless Steve

Steve Bannon has had a rough go lately. He got fired, called a fat slob by Trump and has seen the price of button downs increase which is twice as hard on him. It has seemingly gotten worse as now he looks like he's come town with a horrible disease. I'm not sure what the disease is but suspect it might be measles as he certainly would be an anti-vaxxer . One thing is for sure is that he looks more homeless than ever which, for Bannon, is quite a feat.
Can't believe this guy was in the White House just a few months ago as one of the most trusted advisors, if he was a tourist in D.C. they'd arrest him as he stood on a street corner screaming "9-11 was an inside job"

Take on Betsy’s cuts

We know Betsy DeVos is evil personified, this has been apparent since the day she hit the public stage. Hat we didn't know was that she would let her pureevilness come out in ways that would, so obviously, come across as tone death and petty. She cut the entire Special Olympics portion of her budget in order to decrease her department overall spending even if this was just a small portion of a rather large budget

But here is my hot take. Why exactly is the Special Olympiad being funded at all through the department of education? I don't agree with her cutting it but I wonder why this is not funded under another department or a separate line header.

But still Betsy, you suck

Take on the Trump Dump

So much for Trump taking a victory lap and then diving into the issues that divide our country. This jackass can't even get out of the way of his own (cooked up) good news as he attacks the main stream media. What he sees as an attack on him is really the free press doing what we want the free press to do, hold him accountable.
But Trump is now just a lame caricature
of himself, he's lost the pizzazz, he's lost the swagger and he's lost the cleverness as he just goes back to all the old stuff and it's just boring.

Come on, Don. You can do better than this. .

Take on Michael Avenatti

Michael Avenatti is Donald Trump. He's a self centered egotist who's never met a camera he didn't pander to. I get that he's helped to expose Trump but the more you read about him, the more you think that this was done for his own self service and anything it may have done for the country was purely peripheral.

He's now charged with a $20 million extortion scene, he was accused of battery not long ago, Stormy Daniels likely fired him and a bunch of the judge Kavanaugh accusers he was going to bring forward didn't exactly pan out.

The other day when I saw his name surface again, this time in connection to the R.Kelly thing, I honestly had to double check to see which side he was representing

Anyway, thank you for your service in bringing Stormy Daniels forward


Now please go away

Take on the Barr review of the Mueller report

Well that went down with a whimper. The Big Bob report delivered in a four page conclusion by Barr said that they found no Russian-Trump collusion although it went to the levels that it did not exonerate him. Of course William Barr is the handpicked attorney general who already wrote a manifesto saying that Trump could not have colluded but this certainly was not a good day for people convinced the president was paying footsie with Vladdy.
But still, until we see Mueller's full report, we won't really know. This four page review from Barr is just that..a review

Anyway, congrats Don, you live to fight another day. Maybe use this opportunity to actually do what you promised and bring the country together, stop the rhetoric and move towards positive progress for the country. Chances of that are similar to the chances you opted for the salad today at the turn after the ninth hole

Take on the calm before the storm.

Trump spent the day after Big Bob submitted his report to Rosenstein hanging with Kid Rock and for the first time in forever, Trump wasn't dressed like the biggest doochbag in a twosome

These two meatballs hanging out at some $250,000 entry fee country club tells you all that you need to know about the "real America" they claim to represent. Trump literally wears the same pair of black slacks and sweat stained polo every single golf outing and Kid Rock looked like he ate fifty ice pops, chased it with twelve Bud Lites and then puked on his pants.

Take on Fat Elvis

I love Elvis but recently I fell in LOVE with Elvis. It came from listening to a podcast and heard something that changed my mind


Elvis was obviously a great performer and he probably sang live thousands of times. Doing anything from Hound-dog to "can't help falling in love with you"
He invented the genre; he did it all from love songs to rock and roll

The guy was born to be a performer, maybe the best of all time. Women swooned over him, dudes swooned, too.

And he had hits and then he had songs that were bigger than hits. They were iconic. He changed music and he performed every night for decades

Some songs he loved, some he loathed, some he knew the fans loved, some they just liked and some he was apathetic to

But there was one song that destroyed him.


He comes into a studio one night at like midnight as the record producer had a new song he had to record, he stumbles through it because he's drunk and basically nails it on the first take including this weird middle bridge section where it's sort of spoken word

He hates the song, it's depressing but whatever they are paying him, he's loaded (financially) and likely loaded. It's just another tune in a catalogue of hundreds and he'll dutifully sing it when the set lists calls for it

It's the late 70s I guess, he's gotten fat and sweaty and disgusting and his marriage to Pricilla is falling apart. Basically he's banging all the tail he can get his fat sweaty hands on and she is too but one day she tells him that she's fallen in love with somebody else. The cheating he can deal with but the fact that she gave her heart away, he can't.

The divorce is Hollywood messy I guess, but whatever he's The King and there are thousands of chicks as hot as Pricilla and he's in Vegas nightly with chicks throwing panties at him while he's tits deep in the all you can eat buffet.

And one night right after he got the call fromPricilla that she is leaving him, the set list calls for Are You Lonesome Tonight and he rocks the first two minutes. He's going low baritone, he's crescendoing up as he hits the chorus and the fat chick love it. But finally he gets to that middle part, the weird spoke word section. It speaks about the singer asking his lover if she is lonesome now that he's gone and for every other sappy love song this fat fuck has to sing, for all the weird choruses and bridges, this is the bridge that breaks him

He gets to the part and starts laughing. This is the deepest part of the song, the part where Vader reveals that he's Luke's father. This is it. And he freezes and can't finish it and starts going gibberish.

The next night the set calls for it again and he falls apart
The next night he starts doing B-I- n-g-o and bingo was his name when he can't hold it together



Think Chuck Knoblauch, think Mackey Sasser

He can't hold it together, he's laughing and crying and spitting lasagna all over the stage and it's just odd

This is the King and he can't finish a lame song and he can't explain why and he goes and tries it night after night convincing his backup band and the guys paying the bills he can get through it and he can't. Every. Single. Time that spoken word comes on he starts blubbering

People say drugs, hamburgers and living a fast life killed The King but it was Pricilla who broke him and Are You Lonesome Tonight was the candlestick.

Take on the private messaging apps

I have to say it's a bit disconcerting to know that the people with some of the hugest classification levels in our government negotiating for world peace use the same methods of communication that I do when I ask a colleague in Belgium to bring me some chocolate when he comes next month. 

Jared Kushner seems to be engaging in the public business on a private communication thing that his daddy in law railed Hillary on for years and somehow the GOP has gone silent.   Hannity will literally pick up the private email server twice a month as his lead story but Jared communicating with MBS over WhatsApp is like the tree in the forest over at FoxNews

But what was more disturbing was the following from article

Mr. Kushner and Ms. Trump do not appear to be the only current or former White House officials in Mr. Cummings's sights for their personal email use. He wrote on Thursday that he had also obtained documents apparently showing that K. T. McFarland had used a personal AOL account for official business while she served as deputy national security adviser and that Stephen K. Bannon had done the same while a White House adviser.

You are telling me that a senior official in the White House was using AOL to conduct business??  Why the hell are we stuck in 1998?!?   Next you are going to tell me that Flynn used his Friendster account to communicate with Roger Stone

By the way, in China everybody uses WeChat now, WhatsApp is like the Facebook to WeChat's Instagram

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Trump’s McCain take

Poor Trump, nobody ever gives him credit for anything. Not the great economy, the great unemployment rate, the great infrastructure projects, the great wall, the Great Gatsby or the great funeral he authorized for John McCain. The issue with Trump is that he steps all over his own message and he doesn't even realize it, he went to a tank company to tout manufacturing and the military and instead used his time to knock a true American military hero. But one thing is for sure, we know that when Trump get irked, there is something about to drop and I'm not talking about his ball sack. He must have inside knowledge that Mueller is going to expose him for the fat cheating slob that he is and there is nothing he can do about it

Take on the MySpace decade of information loss

MySpace lost a decade worth of user data and I think it is fair time to thank them for the community service. Truthfully, most things that people post on social media platform are forgettable and the things that are not are littered with things we wish we could hide. I can't think of a single post I've made online that I'd like to have anybody look up a decade later and I'm not even somebody who uses traditional social media platforms.

It would probably be a great service if Facebook deleted everything anybody posted five years ago. Just a constant cleanup of old messes with anything that hits the five year mark instantly deleted from all recorded history.

I'm just hoping somebody corrupts the Friendster database, god knows what's stored there.

Take on Devin Nunes’ ludicrous lawsuit

Devin Nunes has always been a slimy little worm but his actions today show us that he's also an ultra sensitive spineless wimp. He got upset at Twitter for some kind of shadow banning ordeal which got his panties in a bunch and then got pissy because somebody was mocking him with a "Devin Nunes' mom" account. Nunes got so pissy that he sued Twitter for $250million which seems sensible since he will likely soon be out of work when his Kremlin ties are outed.

I think he's just upset that Lindsey Graham is now Fat Donald's favorite and Devin is desperately trying to get back on top as number one fluffer.

Take on stinky Lou

When I saw Trump retweet some Lou Dobbs clip with Diamond and Silk, my first thought was this should be captioned wish "who are the four least likable people in America". Trump's menacing grin staring at Old Lou screaming at the top of his lungs looks funny especially as the two ladies look like they are sitting in the room trying to figure out who farted. The answer, of course, is the one who farted is Old Lou. The flatulence problems
of Dobbs is legendary from his old Space.com days and even the Trump avatars looks uncomfortable.

Take on Trump’s cold take on White nationalism

In what alternative universe does Fat Donnie live? He said Friday that White Nationalism was not a rising threat even after 49 Muslims were killed in New Zealand and months after the Pittsburgh synagogue, the shooting of black parishioners in South Carolina and the entire Charlottesville scenario. If these were brown and black men shooting at white Christians, Trump would call for a national emergency but when it comes to defending anything other than his pervasive world view of "good people on both sides" he's using the bully pulpit in embarrassingly irresponsible and reckless ways

If there is anything that becoming more obvious is that we have a rising threat from extremists and most of them recently seem to be emboldened by our president not criticized.

Take on the pathetic Mnuchin tweet

You gotta feel for Mnuchin. He had a tweet today in response to a New York Times article about a potential conflict of interest which they said may impede his impartiality in the China trade talks.

I don't feel bad for Mnuchin for anything other than the fact that the head of the treasury posted something today and got a total of 32 likes and14 retweet's. Even we at TOR get more likes for some of our imbecilic worldviews and hot-takes but this guy has more power and influence than just about anybody in the country and he can't convince morethan a couple of people to so much as touch their screens showing some support.

Wait till Trump sees this.

Take on the Facebook outage

Facebook and Instagram were down most of yesterday and employers immediately saw a 40% bump in productivity. There really is nothing better than seeing this behemoth get cut down to its knees and make all the InstaCelebrities miserable. Tons of influencers weren't able to influence which means that people had to choose their own sneakers and eye shadow.

What I'm still shocked at though is that anybody still does Facebook, I know they cook their daily usage numbers by counting people who use Facebook to sign into other apps and they likely are Instagram and WhatsApp numbers to their totals but the idea of Facebook has to be so outdated now. From what I hear the place is a great oral cesspool after the Trump election and there is nobody who does it anymore under the age of 30 which basically makes it a black hole or grandmas, anti-vaxxers and dudes trolling for those same grandmas and antivaxxers.

Please god end this entire misery

Take on the college entrance scam

I'm trying to wrap my head around this college entrance scam and find the entire thing amazing. It's amazing in the sense it's caught up in its net a bunch of celebrities and well heeled business leaders. It's amazing in that fact that it seems so audacious in its delivery and it's amazing in the fact there somebody would be dumb enough to spend $1.2 million dollars to have the privilege of spending another $1 million at Yale.

$2.2 million dollars to attend Yale?? I've been to New Haven and these Southern California kids are going to mighty disappointed when they realize the weather sucks, the people are ugly and most importantly they've gotten into a school where they are now likely the dumbest kid there.

Then again this entire thing has been happening for years (see Kushner, Jared) with wealthy parents donating casts sums of money to get their bratty waspy rich kids into schools they have no business attending but of course this won't captivate anybody's attention

Let's see Ivanka and Don Jr's high school transcripts to prove they got into Wharton with help from papa and Eric Trump's showing how he got into Rowan

Take on flying high

The guy who is suppose to lead us through the early part of the 21st century's doesn't use email and doesn't have a computer. This isn't some funny George Bush doesn't know how much milk costs thing, this is literally the leader of the free world shunning technology because he thinks he's smarter than everybody. He went on twitter today to tell the world that computers guided planes are a hazard ignoring two major facts

- his own plane is like a flying Deep Blue
- commercial plane accidents are down by great numbers since we stopped solely relying on humans. I still hear about a fair amount of single engine gun planes crashing into lawns.

But then again, who can be surprised by anything this moron does? He is literally one the least intellectually curious people alive

Take on a genuinely good Trump idea

Although it only happens once a quarter, we have to give a Trump credit when he comes up with a good idea and his thought of making Daylight Savings Time permanent is one of those.

I can't quite understand the idea of not using it full time, you inconvenience the entire country and puts 300 million people in a miserable mood all for a bunch of farmers. But the farmer argument doesn't even that makes no sense. A cow has no idea what time it is, actually you disrupt their regular sleep cycles by making them adhere to some artificial clock change. As for dark mornings, this is all just state of mind. Let the 1% of the country who farm land adjust. Maybe start about 2 minutes later every day in the winter and start cutting back 2 minutes each spring time. They would likely not even notice but it would do great things for the rest of us who basically live our lives in darkness for them. Our productivity goes to hell, depression sky rockets and kids watch more TV

Let's make this happen.

Take on the heavy president

Another weekend, another unflattering photo of the cheeseburger in chief. Big Don was caught at his crappy golf club not wearing his manssiere and his titties were flopping in the wind. Add to that his gigantic polo shirt and his matted down hair and he looked more like your Alzheimer's ridden second uncle than the leader of the free world.

Somebody get him a bib, he looks like he is starting to drool our his oatmeal

Take on the #FakeMelania

We are fully aware that the idea of a #FakeMelania will send us down a rabbit hole which when done  will have us believing that 9/11 was an inside job, vaccinations cause autism, the moon landing was staged and aliens landed in Roswell but I'm willing to entertain the thought because it's a lazy Saturday and I'm stuck at a 2 hour swim meet.

The idea of Melania using a body double is not a new thought, what is though is how often she seems to be using one.
Here are the telltale signs that Trump is not with his wife

- the fake Melania is about six inches shorter than the real one.
- the fake one never takes off her sunglasses even st somber events like visiting the crosses in Alabama of the tornado victims
- the fake Melania will clutch her "husband's" hand while the real one is often seen slapping it away
- the fake Melania will walk next to Trump while the real one walks two or three steps behind
- the fake Melania shows some affection for Trump, the real one sleeps in a separate bedroom
- the fake Melania bounds down the steps of Air Force One, the real one walks like a runway model, very deliberately
- the fake Melania has a square jaw, the real one a more rounded one


It's likely just TinFoilHat fodder but whatever, I choose to believe

Take on Trump’s Asian lady friend

When Adam Schefter tweeters after Robert Kraft got caught getting his little Tommy pulled by a "masseuse" he said that Kraft want the biggest name in the story. We had a bit of fun trying to think of a much bigger name than Kraft who is arguably the most recognizable sports owner today. There would be athletes who are bigger stars (LeBron, Steph, Tom Brady) but they all seem like goody twoshoes. Guys like ARod or Kobe are possibilities. In terms of the non sports stars there are a couple of entertainers and business men but the list isn't thousands of people who have more bane recognition that Kraft who is likely the most recognizable owner int the most popular sport and whose team has done nothing but dominate. So that leads me to think the bigger name is somebody in another stratosphere and the chances of it being Trump hover somewhere around 99%. His only saving grace could be that he's not into Asian girls. Maybe he prefers | to -

Take on Hypocrump

Dopey and Mopey did it again. These two knuckleheads can't seem to stay out of their own way and come across as gigantic hypocrite in their quests to please daddy. Nobody has ever accused Eric Trump of being all that bright, so that fact that he would get caught up in something as asinine as hiring undocumented workers while he rallies against the practice isn't shocking. Don Trump jr. is likely the the smarter one..the Beavis to Eric's Butthead..so he getting wrapped up is slightly more shocking or is it??


Sent from my iPhone

Take on $420k worth of payments for $130k worth of hush-money

There was something about the Cohen testimony to Congress which seems to not add up incomplete and we didn't hear anybody ask.  Maybe because to Republicans because it implies further misdoings , maybe to Democrats it blows a hole in their story or maybe the story isn't complete but something doesn't add up.  

If Stormy Daniels was paid $130,000 by Cohen why was Cohen paid way more than that by Trump?  We won't speak of Trump's business acumen but one thing is known, he is not one to pay for something unless he gets what he thinks he's paying for and if anything he is known to underpay contractors not overpay then. 

See Cohen received 10 payments of $35,000 and one of $70,000 which would total $420k.  Stormy was paid $130k in hush money.  

Of course he would have to pay taxes on it would have netted him around $210k+ and that is if Cohen filed honestly at the top rate and didn't use some legal loophole.    

What this tells me is that I'm sure there were other deeds that Cohen performed and don't think this is the playboy bunny payoff as it's not been referenced in connection with these specific payments.    What were those other payments for and what deeds have not disclosed and are they potentially incriminating?

Time to get on this Mueller?
 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the 48 hours after the Hanoi summit

Fourth Eight hours after leaving Hanoi, Kim Jong un's government started rebuilding banned long range weapon site and if you didn't realize they this two bit fat snake was not to trusted, you know now. This is the issue with trying negotiate with a egocentric. narcissistic is that guy never know where the line is
But Trump told us that he and Kim exchanged beautiful love letter and made passionate love under the globe of nuclear weapons and now both have two heads and a shrinking sack.

Take on the deranged lunatic licking the American flag

I thought defacing the Stars and Stripes was an offense but yet the official White House twitter account posted a photo from CPAC 2019 of Dear Leader dry humping the American Flag like it's a cutout of Ivanka. His face is that if a deranged lunatic on 42nd street with a shopping cart full of cans and he's sweating like a guy who just did an eight-ball and followed it up with a Red Bull.
The entire event Trump was getting louder and sweatier and his face was getting redder like some kind of Korean dude after a night of Soju and a couple of Viagras.

Take on Trunp’s take on why he North Korean talks collapsed

Trump is now blaming the Cohen testimony as to why the talks in Hanoi fell apart last week. I'm not totally sure how you get from one to another but as Trump's mantra of the Buck Stops Somewhere Else indicates he's not at all interested in taking any responsibility. This is where he gets it wrong, unlike the rest of the world and I actually liked the walk and not for the Hannity poor Reykjavik analogy. I liked the walk because the poor deal he would have signed was likely one to distract from the Cohen testimony. Trump is so ADD that he needs to have the national dialogue changed immediately and you could easily have seen him sign a bad deal with Kim just to grab the headlines away
If I were advising Trump, I'd point to the fact that he traveled 8000 miles to get there, had promised us a deal, could have tried to take the spotlight and still walked. This was the best thing he could have done considering how pot committed he must have felt and his inaction was a win as he would have otherwise likely given away the store just for his instant media fix.

Take on the odd banner Chinese item.

When you leave China, you walk through a customs hall and are met with a huge sign with prohibited articles and items that should be declared. It's got photos of cultural relics, RMB in excess of 20,000, US currency in excess of $5000 or a bunch of gold. This is all sort of normal for somebody who travels around the world but there was one photo had me confused. See in addition to not being able to walk out with a cultural relic, you also can't bring back an elephant.

I've brought some interesting gifts back from my trips and have overstuffed my suitcase but I can't remember trying to shove a gigantic mammal into it

Take on the Family Circus

Is there anybody who would think that had Trump not been president, he would have had any chance to get security clearance? The nepotism in the White House is worse than at any time in our recent history and Trump has filled positions with people who are woefully unqualified and potentially dangerous because of how compromised they likely are.
Jared Kushner seems to have no ability outside of bending to the will of MBS likely because he's highly indebted to him. On the other hand, Ivanka is so completely incompetent and has so many weird physical tics that watching he talk is like watching a flea infestation on a dog. Every time she speaks, she looks down to the right side as if reading what she will say looking for clues that will allow her to speak just vaguely enough as to not say anything. She will then brush her perfectly cut hair to the side with her hand and then as she begins to speak she will again look off to the lower right. It's so distracting

Take on the master negotiator

Our president is a master negotiator, we've been told that he perfected the art of the deal and his meeting with Kim Jong Un proves again that his bestseller is pure fiction.
See you can't bash Goliath and come into a meeting and bend your knee to David, the White House has all the leverage but instead of playing from a position of power, they are playing from a position of weakness. This isn't because Trump
Is a bad negotiator, it's because he's a compromised one. He's at the stage of his presidency when the wheels are coming off and he's desperately trying to change the dialogue but will do so at America's peril.
This is America today, wag the dog is now not a desperate last resort, it's a daily occurrence and we will all suffer for it

Before he leaves, please let somebody show Trump the Hanoi Hilton and see if they have an open room for him.

Take on the best day of television of the year

Must watch TV is just hours away as Michael Cohen is set to testify in front of congress while Donald Trump has dinner with Kim Jong-Un in Hanoi.

I've had a fair amount of long nights in Asia myself where I can't sleep but I have to believe that Trump will be glued to his TV set tonight afraid of the bombshells that Michael Cohen is set to outline.

We've seen what he's expected to say including calling Trump a racist and a conman and laying out in detail what Trump knew about things like the Trump Tower meeting. I'm planning on staying up all night with a box of popcorn probably similar to what Trump will be doing about 1000 miles south of here

Maybe Trump should stay in Vietnam instead of flying back home, by the time he lands in Washington DC, he might be met with FBI agents instead of his normal group of military guards.

Take on the air quality survey

I woke up in China today, opened the shades and felt like I was looking into a glass of milk. I couldn't see the street, the building in front of me and I may not have been able to see through both panes of glass for all I know

See the air quality was at 336 today which is dubbed Hazardous. This is higher than dangerous and just before "you are instantly dead". My throat hurts, my eyes are watery, my nose has been bleeding for two days and the food all tastes like it's been cooked in a vat of my dirty gym socks. But this is China and and no matter how many Chinese people will try to explain it's not that bad, the more you cough up black crap

Wish me luck

Take on the Krafts

The Krafts had an interesting 24 hours. First the patriarch of the family got caught in a little rub and tuck with underaged girls at an Asian massage parlor. The fact that one of the country's richest men, one who runs the most successful sports franchise of our time, had given a friendship ring to Vlad Putin and a guy who is personal friends with the president would be involved with something like this just speaks to the audacity of the rich, famous and well connected. The visual of Bob Kraft getting a handjob while wearing that stupid blue button down with the white collar and cuffs is one I wish was not seared into my head.

Later that day the Kraft Heinz company's shares plummeted because people realize that ketchup with American cheese is about as disgusting a combination as you could come up with and likely something we could see our dear leader eat.

It can't make John Kerry too happy to see that drop although not as weird as when Bob Kraft shows up -not wearing pants- at Thanksgiving this year.

And finally Kelly Craft was nominated as a US Ambassador to the United Nations after a stint in Canada which must have made Bob Kraft and the shareholders of Kraft Heinz board happy to see their young niece and heir to the craftmatic bed frames have such rousing success.

I can't say I know much about Kelly Craft but did notice that she's married to some huge Trump supporting billionaire Kentucky coal baron which will mean great things for any green initiatives in the UN. Then it made me wonder how the hell anybody could become a billionaire off of coal.

Witch hunts still ruled the day which does show Trump's infatuation with witchcraft is alive and well.

Take on the Chinese red carpet

When you fly to China, they roll out the red carpet for you at JFK but sadly the red carpet looks like the same one they adorned the rub and tuck place Bob Kraft frequents. The idea is nice but when your VIP floor covering looks like a Chinese dude shat on it and then rubbed his ass on the side for good measure, you loose that Very Important feeling. But China is like this, they don't care about aesthetics which is why the entire country uses an awful font which makes Times New Roman look like its calligraphy. They won't spend money or time to beautification as it's just not something they're people would appreciate, or better yet, pay for.

But here we got, my third trip in a year, I'm sure the food and air quality is going to be great

Take on the Trump Trade Tariffs

Maybe Trump actually isn't as bright as we were told. Maybe his business acumen actually isn't that stellar and his negotiation skills leave something to be desired. Watching him renegotiate NAFTA right into a new rebranded NAFTA proves that he doesn't quite understand anything other than branding. Now this Chinese deal is once again on the verge of collapse because Trump doesn't understand the basic terminology and then when he's told what it is, he lectures the entire room on his interpretation.
What is most maddening about the China 301 tariffs is that although we've heard a bunch of bluster about China paying for them, the 10% tariff burden in being paid by American companies importing goods and indirectly upon American consumers paying higher prices. It's not a tax on China, it's a tax on us and in many places where no domestic industry exists to protect, its shortsighted, costly and plain dumb
But then again Trump doesn't care unless he can take credit for a success

Take on Bob Kraft

Bob Kraft got busted for getting an Ajji Massajji at an Asian Day spa which in this day and time means this will be news for 4 hours maybe 5. The more interesting news was when Adam Schefter said that Bob Kraft wasn't the biggest name caught up in this thing and it got us to thinking, what is a bigger name than Bob Kraft??

In terms of sports, he's pretty recognizable.
Bob Kraft is about as well known a sports owner there is. Maybe Jerry Jones or Mark Cuban is more recognizable but that's about it

That puts the next person as a pretty big sports star which in football makes that Tom Brady or in baseball maybe Bryce Harper but neither seem the type. Basketball has much bigger stars so it could be LeBron or Steph and being in Jupiter Florida you can never count out Tiger Woods's

But I'm guessing it's out of sports and it's somebody else in public light and sort of guessing the name starts with a T and ends in an Ump

Or better yet, Jared Kushner

Take on 5G.

Sometimes I have to admit that I agree with Trump

He said today that he wanted 5G and hell why not skip right to 6G because if you got 7 minute abs, why not go to 6 minute abs. I have no idea what prompted this tweet but really it seems to strike at the heart of what we all feel. We spend 4-5 hours on our phones, it would be nice to not stare at a screen loading some stupid video you accidentally clicked when going to CNN.

But I do agree, LTE is the suck, 3G was OK, 4G is a farce and the only thing that keeps getting higher isn't the download speeds but the price we pay.

So give me some better phone service and make Mexico pay for it

Take on the enemy of the people

My enemy's enemy is my friend.

Trump has spent the better part of the last two years tearing into the Fake News and calling it all the enemy of the people but really he just sees it as the enemy of him. As a NYC playboy he loved the tabloids because he could exploit them and his insatiable appetite for attention and their insatiable appetite for celebrity gossip made them a perfect pair but as president the stuff on Page6 just isn't enough as he tries to captivate the country.

This is what Trump is actually angry at, he can't control the press like he did as a younger man, they actually hold him accountable which is something nobody has ever done before

But with the news of the deranged Coast Guardsman with his ammo dump and hit list, it might be time for President donut to shut his pie he before somebody -other than his ego-gets hurt.

Take on crazy Bernie

Everybody says that people only mention Hillary's negatives like her likability, age and skeletons but nobody ever goes after Bernie

Well here it comes. Bernie is 100 years old, actually looks like a skeleton, doesn't comb his hair, screams all the time, has ridiculous notions of where to take our country, is not even a democrat, could lead to a Trump re-election, might die while in office or while running or while sleeping tonight, doesn't answer questions that are difficult, is old, looks like he doesn't floss his teeth, looks like he smells like musty carpet, was rejected before and will likely weaken the eventual Democratic nomination.

Other than that..he is fiery and that's cool.

Take on the Trump Nobel Peace nomination

Maybe Abe is just trolling everybody because the notion that Trump deserves a Nobel Peace prize is obviously laughable. What is most disturbing is not even that he nominated Trump but that Trump requested he do and likely required it of him. Trump has been good to Abe but nobody gets goods press from Trump unless there is a reason behind it. You either have to kiss his gigantic ass or stay in his crappy hotel or apparently sell your soul for the highest bidder

Take on the loose Weiner

There are days when I can't wait to see what the NY tabloids will feature on their front pages and tonight is one of those.  With Anthony Weiner being released from federal prison and immediately having registered as a sex offender, there will be so many good headlines

I'm guessing we'll get a The Weiner is Let Out or something along those lines 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the National Emergency...or embarrassment .

Our president on the eve of declaring a national emergency was caught without makeup having an omelet at the Days Inn, dressed like a grandfather with skin toned pajamas and a stupid red hat. Seeing Trump less orange is sort of jarring as and he somehow looks less fat than he does in his ill fitted suits but somehow looks older and more senile as if he wondered out the Mar-a-Lago and wanted into a retirement village and decided to stick around for breakfast not caring about the musty carpets, dirty clothes left on the chair, chipped wood or fact that fine dining isn't usually accompanied by ketchup

Take on Trump’s bad deal

When you've lost Ann Coulter, it might be time to turn off the lights and close shop. Trump relented to pressure from Congress, his own party and the country and signed a spending deal and immediately announced he would be using an emergency to fund his wall.
Sadly for Trump this made nobody happy. Republicans know that this is now something that Democrats will use for things they see as necessities. But the beauty is that the attacks for him come from everybody except the people who now realize they were had. The great deal maker failed again to make a great deal and had to settle for less than he got offered before but because he's a loud mouthed idiot there will remain about 25% of the population too dumb to notice.

Take on fat Trump

Trump's medical exam was released today and the thing that struck our attention was the announced weight of 243 pounds. A president can lie about affairs, WMD's or whether you can keep your doctors but when they lie about something as important as this, we get angry

There aren't a lot of things that TOR is good at. It's basically limited to parallel parking and balancing on a single leg while putting on my socks but the only other thing we can do is pick out a fat guy. I will bet all the TOR revenue for a year that Trump is 260 pounds at least.

Take on Pauly’s walnuts.

Oh no, Pauly Walnuts got himself into trouble by doing the one thing they always tell yuh their guy can't do...lying to the Bob Mueller

The problem for Manafort is that he now jeopardized his plea deal which he only would do if he was covering up something more egregious than what he pleaded to.

But this is what happens when you stick your dick in Trump's mashed potatoes, you get gravy all over your unit and when you try to clean it up in the public test room sink, yuh get a lot of weird looks

Take on Ivanka’s dishonest chart

Eric is the dumb one and Don Jr is the shady one which has always sort of make Ivanka the normal one but they all part of the facade that her and Jared put up.
She posted what can only be described as a completely misleading chart showing an exponential growth in women participation in the workforce.
It doesn't show that but it does show that she's either dumb or completely dishonest or both.

First of all, she took a chart and zoomed in so that the rate goes from 73 to 76% instead of a zoomed out one that would cover something like 50 to 80%
The "exponential" growth is something like 2%

Secondly, it shows that the big drop happened after the Great Recession (surprise) and the improvement started under Obama (double surprise)
Lastly, even if you want to claim this as a Trump coup, realize that the increased participation is likely tied to the fact that wages really aren't growing and that more families need dual incomes to make ends meet. So maybe not a great stat for Obama OR Trump

Take on the easily refuted claim

James Hohmann reporter today that 

In a 1-minute stretch, Trump says 69,000 people RSVP'd to be at his rally in El Paso tonight. Then he says the arena holds 8k, but the fire department got 10k in. Then he says "tens of thousands of people" are watching screens outside. Then he says says he's got 30,000 ppl here.

Of course the newspapers immoderately asked the fire department who said that the arena of holds 6500 and they didn't allow any additional people inside.   But this is Trump, he can lie about anything and we forget after five minutes but if Elizabeth Warren repeats some family lore, she's lambasted for it for the rest of her career.  See Trump gets away with it because everybody assumes they he's a lying weasel and they don't care for a second and watching this debacle makes my hair hurt. 

Mueller, the time is now. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the Brit Hume critique

The mouthpiece of the administration has regularly been the talking heads on FoxNews but today a true newsman made some headlines by implying the president is too stupid to have made an insensitive remark.
When Trump mocked the Elizabeth Warren announcement with his typical Pocahontas rant many thought he went a step further saying he looked forward to seeing her on the TRAIL. Whether he meant (or even understood) the reference to the Trail of Tears is not important, what is important is that people like Brit Hume came to his defense claiming the president was likely not smart enough to understand the reference. This is more troubling to me than him actually meaning it, it likely means ones of three things

- people (Stephen Miller) are writing his tweets and he doesn't even have the wherewithal to understand the context

- he's so brain dead that he wrote it and still doesn't understand the fact it could be viewed as insensitive.

- he meant it and is a complete pig.


This isn't some Breibart contributor, this is the president of the United States not smart enough (or mature enough) to stop from insulting native people.