Take on Coco Chow

I'm all in for the Mitch McConnell vs Donald Trump death match and love the fact that they are bloodying each other like this. It's also not shocking to see Trump drop some serious racists crap by calling Elaine "Coco Chow", what would be shocking if Mitch actually responds to defend his wife.

That won't happen and in a few months
Mitch will come back and kiss Trump's ass, so this entire thing stands for nothing but like a pileup on 95, I'm all in.

Take on Ronny D groveling to Papa Joe

Ron DeSantis is nothing if he's not a gigantic hypocrite. He voted no against aid after Sandy but now is coming hat in hand asking for federal aid after Ian destroyed his state. Of course Biden will come through because unlike the orange pig, he does what is right for all Americans and it just kill DeSantis to have to show some gratitude.

Take on the Al Roker wannabes

I'm not quite sure why these new stations like to send out some junior reporter in a poncho to cover a hurricane. We get it, it's really wet and the rain is coming sideways and Sandi now has a goldfish swimming in her rainboots as she's hanging on for dear life from a telephone pole.
Actually, I changed my mind. We need more reporters doing these types of stunts on the streets. The ratings when one gets swept out into the Gulf of Mexico are going to be tremendous

Take on Ronnie D

Ron DeSantis is preparing his state for this hurricane barreling down upon it in the most DeSantis way…by shoving his finger in his five hole and smelling it. We know this man can't lead, he can only imitate Daddy Trump which, in fairness, he does quite well. He also is very good at looking like he's a toy with its head turned around so his ass is in the front, which works nicely for him as he gets to thank everybody kissing it.

Take on DART

NASA crashed. Spacecraft into asteroid today hoping to deliberately change its trajectory in its first test to see if we can defend our planet against inadvertent space rocks. I'm not sure if all the countries within NATO decides this was a good idea or if this was some kind of rogue US operation because you just know with our luck this deflection will send this space hunk towards earth

Take on the climate

We've had like 4 inches of rain this summer, the reservoirs are empty and my grass looks like a 70's white porn star. We can't get our flowers to grow but when it goes rain, it's like Noah's ark. I don't want to hear that there is no such thing as climate change when everything I ever see now is one ridiculous storm separated with drought and bookended with another ridiculous storm. Long gone are the occasional afternoon shower

Take on Rudy

Rudy skipped out on a court hearing where a judge ordered him to pay his ex wife a quarter of a million dollars. Rudy has had his difficulties with wives and ex wives and by now you'd think he'd be an expert but still he seems to get himself wrapped up in all sorts of of messes. Nobody is quite sure whatdo for old Rudy but you know he doesn't have the money mostly because his biggest/only client doesn't actually pay him in anything other than the very occasional public complement but sadly for Rudy you can't pay for a touchy massage with complements.

Take on two Americas

I always thought that I'm a normal proud American but the last few years have convinced me that there really are two Americas. I'm not talking about the red hats vs the normal people but the ones who watch The Kardashians and listen to Blink 182 while gorging themselves at The Olive Garden. This is an America who sees going for a jog as a character flaw, ordering a salad as woke and being fuel efficient as a sign of weakness. They watch 3rd Rock, call into sports talk radio, will tell you that intellectual discourse makes their brains hurt. They won't order sushi but are happy to order a triple mocha three espresso, two pump hot over ice cubes doused in unicorn blood cappuccino.

Take on Fatty McFatty

Somehow, Trump is just getting fatter. He was interviewed yesterday and spewed his typical nonsense. But what was more striking was how much he's started to look like one of Duck Tales characters.

Jesus, his ass has gotten so big it looks like he's sitting in one of those tubes at the water parks with all the bad Pennsylvanian tattoos.

Take on the dumbest defense

Trump's latest defense when asked about the raid is that the FBI was actually there to look for Hillary's emails. I can't quite keep up with these mental gymnastics it takes to keep all of this stuff straight but I do feel like whenever Trump gets cornered he throws Hilary's emails, Mexican caravan, Hunter Biden and the word Sleepy into a blender and we all get to drink the milkshake

Take on the New York attorney general Letitia James to make ‘major announcement’ within hours

Tish James is about to go bananas on Trump or so we have all been meant to believe. Her "major announcement" tomorrow morning is likely going to be a dud but for the next 13 hours I can hope that this career criminal will finally be charged with something that sticks. It's amazing how much this guy has been able to able to skirt. He's Teflon Don in every definition but let's hope that ends tomorrow

Take on too skinny Tom

I'm not sure of it's the Keto diet, the nagging old
lady or the prolonged kisses with his kids but Tom
Brady looks like he's turning into the white Kevin Garnett. The guy went from this chubby slob at the combines to a pretty athletic looking slow quarterback to a guy who looks like he hasn't had a sandwich in a month. No wonder he's complaining about getting his body beat to a pulp after a couple of weeks of the NFL season, he has lost all muscle definition and healthy fat

Take on the Hitler salute

They are not even trying to hide it anymore. These MAGA nut bags have now gone to full on hitler salutes for their Dear Leader. I hear it's some kind of Q symbol but when your symbol basically mimics Munich in 1940, I'm not buying any ignorance to it
This country is so screwed

Take on the depression

Nothing is more depressing to me than knowing that winter is coming and any chance to happiness will disappear by a few minutes per day till all the joy we have in life has been squeeze out of us like a over-ripe grapefruit.
Let's forget about all this daylight savings junk. We need light

Take on Trump taking on Big Chris

Trump went after Chris Christie on Truth Social basically calling the ex governor a fat slob. We don't have anything positive to say about Chris as he has sold his soul to the devil and now the devil is coming to collect.
Now we all know that Christie is a half a burger from 350 but when Trump who himself is a cheeseburger from 290 is calling him out for being a slob.

Take on the overturned tractor trailer

Whenever a semi overturns, it's never the crash that has me rubber necking but rather the contents of the rig. I've seen my share but most of has been pretty mundane. There was one time I saw a bunch of sodas and as the delay had been miserably long, I seriously considered pulling over to open a can.

But nothing compares to the accident in Oklahoma today when a truck filled with dildos and lube overturned and immediately the entire state showed up to get samples.

Take on the Queensboro bridge

After a whirlwind trip, you make it to the airport at 5:30am for your 7am flight allowing you to catch an earlier flight. A beautiful flight back, lands you in LaGuardia before 9am and the hope of sitting at your desk by 10 seems doable.

And then, for some reason the Lyft driver decides to save a couple of bucks and take the Queensboro bridge which basically means that all the time you saved has now gotten eaten up by sitting in the absolutely most miserable traffic at a pace that I could easily beat by walking with all my bags

I should have slept late

Take on Brett Favre

There really is no bigger jackass than Brett Favre. A guy we were all programmed to love for his gunslinger mentality by the sports media has shown his true colors including ending dick pics to female reporters, for bad acting in Something about Mary, for posing with Trump, for defrauding the federal government through Covid and now for stealing from welfare recipients so he could build a volleyball stadium for his daughter

But mostly he sucks for screwing the Jets

Take on the new terminal at LGA

I've flown into and out of LaGuardia hundreds of times in my life. I've been stranded, delayed, idled on the tarmac, leaked on and fed food not suitable for donkeys. They started the rehab a while ago but when they finally unveiled it, even a cynical business traveler had to be impressed. We have sight lines and fountains and seating. We have bathrooms that done reek. We have announcements you can hear, we have a Delta lounge which offers more than granola. There are clear signs, the check-in area is well lit, the security line was efficient and the carpet doesn't have any bodily fluid stains.

I'm not sure there will be any less delays as air traffic in this area is always miserable but at least if you are sitting there waiting, you can actually find an outlet.

That is until we ruin the entire thing which we likely will

Take on the Trump unplanned visit to DV

Trump made an unannounced and likely unplanned trip to Washington DC last night which had the Twitter verse in a totally frenzy. Speculation as to what he was doing there ran rampant with theories about having to testify, needing to speak to the NSA, being served papers or some kind of grand jury investigation.

Nothing apparent happened but today he showed up at his golf course and drove around the course not actually playing any golf. He mostly stood around with a bunch of younger slimmer white guys who were not caddies. I can only think that this golf course excursion was done as he had a fear of being taped and figures he's be safer on a golf course.
Im sure they were all strategizing as to how to get out of their latest pickle and if another ex wife tumbles down some stairs or an associate falls out of a window in the next week, don't say I didn't warn you.

Take on the fate of the corgis.

Now that all the condolences have been sent and the world leaders are about to descend upon Great Britain for a state funeral, there really is one question everybody asked. What the heck is going to happen to her corgis. I have no idea how many she has but the ownership of them was almost as synonymous with her as that of a monarch.

Apparently DukeAndrew and Duchess Sarah are going to take them which is nice that they stay in the family. What really shocked me though was that although they've been divorced for like two decades, they still both live together, which must be awkward when Epstein sent over his plane.

Take on the retreat

There has been talks for weeks that the tides in.m the war in Ukraine had shifted and it sounds like they are coming to fruition. Of course this is far from over but it does look like the gains the Russians made are being retreated away from and we couldn't be happier. I'm guessing that Putin finds one of those open windows soon

Take on baseball in 2022.

I haven't watched more than a dozen total innings of baseball in the last decade yet hear from people all over the place that the shift has killed the sport. I really don't know but it does seem like an obvious answer might me to go the other way but instead MLB has decided to just make it illegal. They will also have a shot clock for pitchers and they may still put a runner on 2nd in extra innings. They play 7 inning double headers, they strike out a thousand times a season, they don't steal bases or sacrifice, they have pitchers throw 6 innings and hit the showers with a quality start, they give players constant rest days, they keep making parks smaller then bigger. They take managers out of the game and replqce them with computers. They will replace umps with AI computers.

I know there are a few people who like the sport but it's nothing like it was

Take on King Charles

I can't say I know much about the royal family. I did try to read up on the lineage few times but kind of get lost with the Anglo's and the saxons and the Germans and whatever.
I do know that after Elizabeth died, Charles is king and then William and the George which means we will be going without a proper Queen for likely the next seventy years and we all know when dudes rule…it's a total shitshow.

anyway, may she res run peace… I guess. She's probably at least partially tho blame for Diana's death and definitely for having Meghan Markle skip town but she did wear an Obama broach when she met TruMp..so there's that

Anyway, are they going to have to change the lyrics to God Save the Queen??

Take on the whiner in charge

Trump is getting more nervous by the second as he has to feel the walls closing in on him. Nobody can defend the fact that this morbidly obese human had that level of top secret information put away in the equivalent of a school locker so now he's getting his kicks with the fact that he's missing his medical records and tax returns. Personally I think he just misplaced those as he's showing himself to be more senile by the day but we will soon find out.

Take on the attack on Hillary

We haven't seen Hillary in a while. It she decided to come out in style today, going after the Right for their tired "but her emails" mantra. They have to know Trump having classified documents is indefensible and they have spent the last 6-7 years with the Lock Her Up thing but not once have they had to answer for what their Dear Leader has done

His obsession with Hillary is like Single White Female except it's more like Married Orange ManChild

Take on Jim Jordan

Jim Jordan decided to throw down and insult half of this country by stating that Real America is furious at Joe Biden over the college loan forgiveness program. His decision to pin his version of this country as Real and Biden's supporters as somehow fake, tells you all you need to know about a guy who covered up sex crimes.

Might be time to look in the mirror, Gym.

Take on the new woke

The new hot take is that the diversity in the Lord of the Rings series is the kind of wokeness that will destroy America as we know it. I haven't watched this new series as the last time I sat through on of those LOTR things coincided with a great three hour nap but gotta say this new hot take that CNN seems to be pushing that nobody can be anything other than white doesn't sit quiet well especially as this is a goddamned fantasy about elves and dragons and magic.

Take on the Lock Her Up chant

I can't believe that Trump is still going with the Lock Her Up Line with no shame at all. After the Biden speech the other night, I would have guessed Trump's handlers would have kept him out of t the spotlight for some time. He's facing about a dozen lawsuits and investigations but continues to defy all odds.
The GQP needs to have some guts and move on from this lunatic.

Take on the Dark Brandon

The MAGA Maniacs are going crazy about the Biden speech last night which I didn't see but have heard the typical ranting from the Right about Biden being divisive by not using the opportunity to unify the country. Has anybody asked Charlie Kirk or Laura what Biden ever could do right? These are the people that chant Let's go Brandon but all of a sudden now are asking for civilized political discourse

Yeah no thanks.

Take on Nailin Palin

Sarah Palin lost her election and won't be representing the state of Alaska after all. The funny thing is that anybody who has been paying attention knows she's always been about herself all the while trying to present herself and her family as a god fearing Christians while in fact they are the the 2000 version of the Boeberts.
We have to hope that now she can really disappear into the wilderness and hopefully get eaten by a bear.