Take on Joe’s lame campaign bus

Joe, please go away

I am resigned to the fact that we'll likely have a Joe Biden candidacy which is as uninspiring as a turkey gravy siphoned through a gym sock. He's so obviously not capable to do this job and seems he'll make Ronald Reagan look like Einstein up there. We'll still support him, of course, but his new No Malarkey themed bus is about as lame as it gets

Can't believe the worst thing Trump has come up with is Sleepy Joe.

Take on Mick’s terrible outfit

Sent from my iPhoneMick Mulvaney stepped off the unannounced flight to Afghanistan -which appears like the biggest ruse to cover up the fact his boss can't play golf after losing use of his left arm- and tried to take the spotlight by dressing like John Daly meets my accountant.
He showed up with this awful American flag shirt, which I thought was against flag code by the Aya, and topped it with an idiotic Space Force hat which really completed his "I haven't been laid in three years" look

The guy is really one of the biggest dweebs on staff and that's saying a lot.

Take on Charlie Kirk

When Charlie Kirk isn't kissing Trump's ass he's....actually there are almost no
times where he isn't kissing Trump's ass. Today he spent the day telling everybody that Trump flew to Afghanistan to visit the troops but that unlike previous presidents he wasn't using it as a photo op What was funny was that he tweeted along a video taken from a professional camera crew. Team Trump also immediately started posting a campaign video using footage from the trip which showed that either Kirk was a liar or a moron...or both


Anyway, these are the people who defend Trump, a complete band of sycophants

Take on Donald Balboa

Trump posted a Rocky photo with his own head superimposed on it and the wrath of Twitter was as expected. Comments ranged from commenting that his actual body looks like a bag of potatoes to people saying that unlike Trump, Rocky wasn't afraid to take on the Russians.
Rocky showed heart and guts while Trump shows the world his gigantic white ass.

I'd love to see a trump try to run up those steps one night, he'd have that massive heart attack he claims the media said he already had.

Take on Hunter

Politicians all have regrettable family members, Bill
Clinton had his brother, JFK had brother Ted, Obama had his nutty uncle, Hillary had Bill, Reagan had that weird son, HW had his DWI having coke snorting son and Trump has the dumb son and the other one.

It's all part of a great right wing conspiracy but it's working on me. I'm sick and tired of Hunter Biden, i don't like him canoodling with his dead brother's widow, I don't like him gathering a kid with another woman while canoodling with said widow, I don't like him on the Burisma board, I don't like him smoking crack at a strip club, I don't like him not tipping a waitress at a Cracker Barrel, I don't like him ripping a giant fart at church, I just don't like him

Take on Donald’s Pecker

Sent from my iPhoneTrump's been protected for years by the National Enquirer which has held a number of stories damaging to Trump. Rumor is that after his election David Pecker took the vault and had all the Trump documents shredded.
Well the human mind is an incredible thing and a bunch of New York prosecutors are making sure to see how well the mind really does work. We're sure there are a ton of stories that were part of the catch and release thing that would make for very interesting headlines today, let's just hope Pecker thinks with his head and spews all he's got all over the prosecutor's desks.

Take on Lev’s last stand

Just when the House was ready to spend a week eating turkey and pretending to care about their constituents, another bombshell was dropped in their laps. The Soviet born, Giuliani client has flipped on Rudy and is ready to reveal all. We're looking at audio and video of Rudy and Trump likely doing all sorts of Rudy and Trump things including some prostitutes and pee.
We might be looking for a Christmas Day surprise

Take on the most frightening words in thee English language

Sent from my iPhoneThere are no more terrifying words in the English language than Ruth Bader Ginsburg has been hospitalized. We are getting reports like this much more regularly lately and it feels inevitable that one of these days the words won't end with "and she is expected to be OK". We know we are squarely in McConnell territory here with the election mess run a year away although nobody expects Mitch to actually have any morals or consistency

But what all this reinforces are two actions that will shape the high court for decades

The stolen Garland seat and the abrupt retirement of Justice Kennedy's seat squarely in the middle of the first Trump term. We know the first one was near criminal but the second act was likely covering up for Kennedy's Deutsche Bank son

Take on Devin Nunes

Well there you have it. Everybody has been wondering why Devin Nunes seems so infatuated with Trump and has made defending him his life goal but apparently their relationship is more than just transactional. They have this weird affection for each other that goes from Washington DC to somewhere in Kiev. Anyway Nunes seems to be up to his eyeballs in cow dung right now with the two Guiliani goombas flipping on him and willing to go full blown Sammy the Bull on Devin the Cow

Take on Glenn Beck

Sent from my iPhoneGlenn Beck disappeared for a decade and all of a sudden reappeared and now looks like he ate the KFC colonel. He's gotten fatter and weirder looking and decided that adding a goatee would make him look less fat and creepy when, in fact m, it has the opposite affect.
Anyway, he's one ugly dude and he's back to being a weird alt right sympathizer after having seemingly come to his senses some time ago.
Oh well, he still looks like a kid toucher

Take on Trump’s terrible, horrible, no good very bad day

Sent from my iPhoneGordon Sondland jumper should and very quickly put the onus of the Ukrainian mess on the entire Trump inner circle. In the meantime Rudy's Ukrainian associate seems to have flipped, Ken Starr thinks the GOP should march to the White House to demand his resignation, Jim Jordan just covered up a other crime and poor Devin Nunes is having a cow...or suing one

This was some day for Team Trump who have spent their entire month moving goal posts that at this point we're playing football somewhere in Siberia.

The slow drip is turning into the Niagara Falls

Take on the lack of humanity in Jim Jordan.

There really is nobody who dresses worse than Jim Jordan. He always had that Sleepy's mattress progressional look going which I don't mind if he didn't pair it with his "don't say anything when somebody is being sexually assaulted" look

More than anything, he's turned from a accessory to a crime to a complete breathing and walking creep and you just expect him to stand up and expose himself the next time somebody won't release the name of the whistleblower. Which is funny because he could have been the one who blew a whistle on the guy at Ohio State but he was too busy.

Take on FartGate

Eric Swalwell was on Chris Matthews show today and ripped a tremendous fart on live television which was glorious in its delivery, longevity and pure bravery. He stops mid-sentence and rips one that would make men proud, women blush and small children fall over in agony.

He denied it later which is so lame, this is the kind of notoriety people die for and this loser tried to shove it back into the can

Take on Twitter moments

I often swipe over to Twitter Moments to make sure I haven't missed a major event in the world. Some days they give me something I haven't paid attention to or alert me to a international event which got buried in my US Politics heavy twitter feed.

The Twitter moment thing has it's value but whenever you get curated news it comes with problems. It's not all the news that's fit to print as much as it's all the news that we want you to be exposed to.

But today it was actually ludicrous, they repeated the -already debunked- White House story about Trump beginning his physical a few months early when the entire world was already aware he had suffered chest pains and the fully equipped White House medical staff felt it was important enough to rush him over to Walter Reed.

Just give us the news without the spin Twitter

Take on the unannounced medical checkups

Trump spends nearly every weekend day doing the least amount of physical activity while actively sporting. He drives around in a golf cart on his one crappy courses and cheats his way to a bunch of wins. But today he decided to pass on the golf and instead spend the day habing doctors probe his five hole for loose pieces of Devin Nunes
Truth is that he went in for something else, hopefully it's nothing serious and is just something that a little diet and some exercise can take care of but then again that's asking Trump to diet and exercise is like asking him for his first daughter which he's not willing to part with. His second one on the other hand is for the taking

Take on Roger Stone

Sometime in February, Roger Stone will be sentenced after being convicted on all counts today which will mean that the old gang will all be back together. Stone, Cohen, Manafort, Gates and Georgie P will go down as the henchmen who worked to empower and then protect Trump but leaving just enough of a trail of lies and deception that history will not see their old boss anything but a crook.
For all that was awful about Nixon, he did eventually step down and there is nobody who expects Trump to follow suit. He will go down swinging while the GOP in congress will spend the next 6 months trying to figure out how to both publicly cling to and publicity release from the sinking ship. The defections have started and at this point the march to the lifeboats has a lot more traffic than the reverse.

But this is where we are, we are holding hope that today is a continuation and not the end to the Trump incarcerations

Take on the Supreme Court battle

Trump is battling the release of his taxes and taking it all the way to the Supreme Court which is exactly what you would expect from the most transparent president of all time.   We all know that he's not nearly as rich as he claims, he's likely wildly indebted to some bad characters and he's never donated any money to a charity.   He's also likely cheated his way through years of tax returns and probably doesn't tip 20%, so at this point I'm sure he's a total crook

Still, I'm not sure we should be taking this to the Supreme Court is the best idea as

There needs to be some separation of powers. but I also don't think Trump being president is the best idea.   And I know having them released will make him lose his crap which is always fun 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on George Conway’s weird look

Every time I see a photo of George Conway I'm shocked. He's got this weird head of hair which almost doesn't make sense. It's so dense it looks like a pile of moss but it's also fluffy like a bunch of swamp weeds. Add to that his sort of porcupine who ate a box of cookies face and you wonder how this guy is at a Simpson's character already.

But past all of that, I appreciate him as he's the best voice of the resistance there is even if he sounds a bit like Kermit the Frog

Anyway, big George Conway fan here at TOR headquarters keep fighting the good fight and please god tell me that there is a level of passion at home that we can never possibly understand.

Take on the neo nazi in the white house

In the least shocking development of 2019, Stephen Miller is a neo nazi. Apparently Miller spent 18 months drunk dialing a Breitbart reporter and whispering sweet white supremacy nothing's in her ear. It's always shocking when the worst looking dump of a man is outed as somebody looking to protect the white race when they look like a regurgitated ass turd. It's like Hitler's master race which he himself couldn't be a part of but a certain level of self depravity comes with the territory I guess. The sad thing is that Miller is likely beating off just with the thought of being exposed further

Take on the most transparent president

Give Trump one thing, he's got chutzpah. He came out today stating that in order to "continue to be the most Transparent president in history", he's be releasing the transcript of the first Ukraine call. If this is anything like the non-transcript they released of the other one, I'm sure we'll find it riveting

But his blatant disregard of anything resembling truth and honestly has got us all spinning because there is this assumption that he's embarrassingly un self-aware. This is where we got it wrong, I think it's the opposite. He knows exactly what he's saying here and is doing it just to get our panties in a bunch while we lose focus on the bigger, more criminal, aspects.

Take on Junior’s boom

Nothing is lamer than when Trump tries to claim he's read a book.   Sometimes it's Judge Jeanine, other times it's some other hanger-on but nothing is worse than his promotion of Junior's book.   This is the same book in which Junior taking a trip to Arlington compares the sacrifice soldiers made to the sacrifice he's and his family have made so that daddy Trump can get elected

But the best part is Trump's claim that he finished the book when we all know he's not interested in reading anything not named page six 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Nikki

Nikki Halley is the ultimate tease. She's the girl you take to dinner who says she has a headache. She's the one you invite to the party's go cancels last minute. She's the insider in the Trump world who your expect to have some morality but whenever she has a chance to show she's not a horrible human, she proves that she is

Who in their right mind could support this sycophant especially when you don't have a seat you are trying to hold? Nikki Halley will go down as a Trump hanger on non better than Lindsey or Rand or anybody else who claimed to be a free thinker

It's over for this entire generation

Take on the unlikely hero

We are really in bizarro world. I can't believe I'm actually rooting for John Bolton in his showdown with Trump. The only way I can square it in my head is that at this point it's like FDR and Churchill teeming up with Stalin for the greater good.

What I do fear is that somehow this one act of 'bravery' will whitewash years of war-mongering and rinse the stain of countless dead bodies off of his hands. That we can never let happen.

The only way I know he has truly changed if he shaved his stupid mustache

Take on the Bloomberg run

Mike Bloomberg decided to enter the race for the Democratic nominee which we support if only to have a guy who -unlike Trump- can actually claim to be worth billions.
I'm sort of into Bloomberg even if his run as mayor was uneven but I'm not sure we need another old white guy.
But anyway, he's more interesting than 3/4 of the Democratic field and just his own net worth would make for an interesting candidate not needing super pac money and possibly a president not beholden to special interests.

Anyway, we'll see where it takes me but for now the fact he can slam on Trump's wealth is wonderful

Take on Rudy’s latest take

I just can't keep track of the president's defense of the Ukraine call, they really are throwing everything against the wall hoping something will stick.

Today Little Don revealed the whistleblowers name In an attempt to discredit him/her and in the process sell a bunch of his crappy books.

After that Rudy butt dialed again this time typing up a crazy indictment of the entire process which admits he was on a personal mission for the president for political gain which would make it sound very quid pro quo-ey.

But this is what happens when people are trying to get off of a sinking ship, they distance themselves from the fat guy who is going to bring down the life rafts and leave him sitting alone on the deck

Hope Rudy trips on the way and the last lifeboat takes off leaving him and daddy Trump to man the ship.

Take on Trump’s obsession with not getting booed at a sporting event.

Trump is traveling the country trying to go to any sporting event where he won't be booed. We know that sports like baseball haven't been kind to him which makes sense as it's a game whose demographics doesn't overlap with his typical supporter (poor white uneducated with a pickup truck on the front lawn). He figured the UFC thing would be more his style but even there he was booed heartedly. So now he's going to the Deep South for an LSU v Bama game which he has to figure plays better

But here is my prediction, these are college kids who are white but not uneducated by virtue of being college kids, it may not be overwhelming like it would be for a concert at the Met but there will be a vocal faction who will boo and as anybody who has ever been to an event knows, a boo rings through the crowd a lot more loudly than a cheer does. Maybe it's the octave, maybe it's that the vocal cords can project boo better than yay or maybe it cuts through the noise but a 50-50 crowd booing sounds like an entire arena

Take on the Trump Bump

Trump is trying to put the whistleblower which tells you one of two things

- he legitimately has no idea who it is and is trying to use it to snuff him out

- he knows who it is and knows it's devastating but realizes the only way to keep the facade is to ask for something he know the press has a duty to not reveal.

We're a year from the election, which means that we should now be in "the senate should not even consider taking up a new Supreme Court justice" territory which is about as likely to actually happen as Mitch McConnell is to showing up topless at the Kentucky Derby.

We have a year left to correct what happened in 2016.. it's not exactly a mulligan but a landslide vote against Trump would be an overwhelming show of solidarity against a corrupt, self serving stain on our democracy.

Take on the Quid Pro Quo HoJo MoFo

Trumps latest defense of the quid pro quo is that it's not really impeachable after they denied it happened, sent out a limited call out of the meeting while claiming it was a transcript and now they are trying to normalize it as just normal stuff
The drain the swamp people are so deeply buried in swamp crap that they wouldn't know which was is up anymore

Time to pull the plug on this entire thing and start anew. I'm willing to even take Pence

Take on the lamest Trump defense

Brit Hume has decided the best defense of Trump's Ukraine fall is that it didn't succeed at doing what it wanted At this point everybody knows that Trump
Was trying to shake down the Ukrainians. It something stopped them, maybe it was the whistleblower, maybe the Ukrainians just waited Trump our figuring he'd eventually forget or maybe it was that that the US government is a deep state avoiding Trump from making monumental mistakes that will harm our country

Anyway, Brit seems to think that the act of not competing the crime makes it ok, that's like saying that Watergate shouldn't matter because Nixon won in a landslide anyway

Take on the farm subsidies

Nobody gets more than farmers, they are invaluable to our well being but the thought that they are subsidized for selling food to other countries because Trump decided it was a good idea to get into a kissing match with China, seems ludicrous
Trump turns everything to hell and when he tries to make it better, he turns into a communist. Think of how this would look if Obama had done it, can't quite picture it? It would look like the entire GOP having a coronary at the exact same time.