Take on the straight pride parade

What kind of moron would spend a beautiful end of summer day marching in a Straight Pride parade? I can't imagine going on a crappy day but how terribly miserable is your life and how sexually I see cute are you that you'd spend your time attending something to prove how heterosexual you are. I don't need to stand on a float blasting It's Raining Men to tell the average Joe that I'm straight. I think the fact I'm wearing the same pair of shorts for the third week and pairing it with a Hot Dog Johnny's shirt and $2.99 flip flops from Old Navy probably is a dead give away.
The other thing is that from the stupid floats it just looked like a Trump parade which should give these marchers pause if they ever hope to get laid by a half normal chick again

Take on Trump’s fat person hatred

File "Trump refusing to be photographed with Tiffany because she weighs 300 pounds" in the category of not surprising at all. Trump hates fat people, he can't stand them. He thinks they are total slobs who have no will power, not decency and are weak.

He sees physical deformities as slights to somebody's character, he sees their physical attributes as fair game for criticism. Trump is 70 years old, looks like an orange iguana and is easily 280 pounds yet he's happy to call somebody else far, deformed or ugly. The ugly portion is reserved mostly for Ted Cruz's wife.

Take on Trump’s hurricane problem

With Hurricane Dorian bearing down on the Florida coast, Trump sent Pence to Poland instead of making the trip himself. You'd guess he was concerned about the fast destruction it could cause greater Florida but with Mar-a-Lago directly in its sights, he might be looking long and hard at his nuclear option.
I'd hate to see massive destruction but if that storm could just slim down and decide to park itself right on top of a Trump property I wouldn't exactly complain. Then again, he'd get back some crazy amount of money as he'd make sure whomever is overseeing recovery would make sure Trump is whole first and by whole I'm guessing fatter than usual

Take on Amazon’s shady dealings

Saw an article today from the Washington Post detailing how Amazon pushes their own branded products to their consumers the second before they hit "place my order". There are some Microsoft level issues here potentially but easing the story i sent the following to a buddy

"Somebody is getting demoted...or, more likely, it was planted to make the WP seem impartial".

His response was that Bezos likely does worse than fire you which made me think that he's likely send this young chap into Amazon to go fight some of those fires...wearing only company branded pants.


But I'd bet a years worth of Prime purchases that likely the latter theory is true.

Take on Big Bill Barr

Trump's cabinet is at even trying to hide impropriety any longer. The candidate who promised to drain the swamp has had more cabinet members resign because of lavish airplane rides and conflicts than anybody but you'd think that maybe his justice departments would be above board. Enter William Barr, he of hey I look like "Rosie O'Donnell fame" who decided his justice department will have their $30,000 holiday party at his bosses private hotel
I can't think of a good reason to do this other than to kiss Trump's gigantic ass

Take on the bizarre love triangle.

There was no better photo than the one of Melania and Justin Trudeau staring into each other's eyes before they locked lips and spent the rest of the night making whoopee in the Grand Hyatt in Paris after the rest of rest of the G7 fuddy duddies went to bed.
Trump spent the day tweet raging escalating his war with China while his wife was making sure there was some backdoor communication between the US and Canada and for that we have to commend her. Although mainly because you just know Trump is dying today with this photo making its rounds.

Take on the trump hurricane solution

Trumps solution to hurricanes seems to be to shoot a nuke at it which might slow down the hurricane OR captivate the atomic ash and send it up the coast killing off the entire east coast

Anyway, he's not a smart man, we have known this but he'd have to know that this seems like a absolutely idiotic idea. It's so stupid that you'd think that it it was an Onion article, they were mailing it in but instead it's real life

God, November 2020 can't come soon enough

Take on Highest Condolences!!

What the hell does Highest Condolences mean? Our idiot president took time out of destroying our economy to tweet an article about Mike Pence receiving two fallen soldiers at Dover Airforce Base with one of the most tone deaf tweets ever "Highest Condolences!"

First of all, I've never heard of Highest Condolences unless this is some other example to Trump believing he's godlike. It's also odd that he's throw his explanation mark in it. As if he's excited about the event

But most ridiculous is the fact that he couldn't figure out how to be there himself.

Start acting like a president

Take on Big Huck’s big break

Big Huck is going to work for State TV was about as predictable as saying Trump would say something idiotic today. Now Sarah can pretend to give analysis while lying to our faces instead of just spinning truth to protect the president. FoxNews would certainly benefit from a couple of contrarian voices but they won't get one from Sanders which will only make their viewers more brain dead minions just like the president ordered


The issue is the Sander is neither charming or smart, so she won't last long which is a shame because nobody wants to see her shake her bootie in dancing with the stars

Take on Trump’s asinine comments

Trump often writes his own history and we're not talking about his Art of the Deal drivel. He can out yesterday stating that Russia was expelled from
The G8 because Putin outsmarted Obama. Not only is this factually inaccurate (i.e. a lie) it actually doesn't seem to make any sense either. If Obama was outsmarted by Putin, why would Russia be out? Wouldn't Russia be in and the US be out? I'm not quite sure what the logic is but like most things Trump, it's ass backwards which reminds me..... is Trump a bigger ass or does he have a bigger ass because both are gigantic

Take on The King of marriage

Larry King has gotten divorced more times than Antonio Cromartie has lit up a cigar. Today it was announced that he is filing for divorce for the eight time this time to his seventh wife. You have to appreciate the commitment to...commitment with this guy. Most people would have thrown in the towel after the fourth time but Larry kept plugging along and is now in some rare company

Good luck Larry, can't wait to send you a ham for your ninth wedding

Take on Funny Trump

Ok, I laughed. Admitting you find amusement in anything Trump has done would have been like admitting you like NKOTB back in the 7th grade but I'm finally confident enough to do so. Trump's tweet of a huge ugly Trump Tower in Greenland is genuinely funny because it's basically a real life Daily Show skit mainly because it reminds you that he was a much better caricature of a successful businessman than an actually successful one and you just wish you could go back to that place again

Take on Leisure Suit Larry

Larry Kudlow always looks like somebody peed in his shoes and he's just finding it out as he's sitting there. He proclaimed today, like he did in 2007, that there was no imminent recession, so we all hope he will be batting 0.500. Nobody wants to see their 401Ks demolished, jobs lost, salaries cut and companies shuttered, so we have to root for Kudlow here

The problem is that we've had a record run of growth and Trump's tax cuts aren't paying for themselves, we have record debt and deficits and an aging working class who are going to need a soft pillow to land on. Maybe this would be a good time to stave off any potential recession by maybe not getting into a pissing contest with China.

I don't know...seems like that could be a start

Take on Trump’s take on Antifa.

Trump has decided the one group of people he wants to label as domestic terrorists are Antifa, ignoring the Proud Boys, the mass murders killing in his message and the rest of the psychos sporting one of those dumb red hats.

My point isn't to single any of them out but throw all of them under the bus together

But the best thing to me still is that The Proud Boys just sounds like a group gay karaoke fans. Who the hell decided on that name?? It's got to be one of the lamest names ever for a group trying to sound tough.

Take on Trump’s fascination with fat

Jesus, Twitter knows me well

I click on the "for you" section and the headline blares "Trump mocks a protester's weight during his New Hampshire rally"
Nothing amuses me more than somebody who hasn't been on a treadmill his entire life and has never passed on a slice of carrot cake mocking somebody else's weight.
This is Trump to a T. He takes his own shortcoming (or round coming in this case) and projects it upon somebody else. Whether it's crooked, corrupt, not that smart, old or fat..Trump is always covering up his own deficiencies and inadequacies which is why seeing him try to defend his small hands is always so enjoyable

Anyway, Trump, enjoy your battle of the bulge with a guy who probably weighs the same as you. You two would make a great tag team

Take on Epstein’s suicide solution

I'm no tinfoil hat wearing conspiracy monger but this entire Jeff Epstein situation smells like Chinese Food in 90 degree weather. The thought that his "suicide" was a complete surprise to anybody is laughable. First of all he was found to be a suicide risk less than two weeks ago and even if you believe his take that he was attached by the Long Island Copy cellmate, it should have told you he was a target inside jail.
I think the need of some very powerful people needing to off him was pretty obvious and if TeflonJohn Gotti can get off dozens of times, I'm sure it wouldn't take Teflon Don to off Epstein if he needed. It could have been Clinton or Prince Andrew or any number of other powerful people but there are two things that will remain a mystery

- how the hell did this guy become so rich?
- how many people had a need to make sure their secrets never came to light

Take on Trump’s tariff war

Trump loves Christmas so much he won't even let his own tariff war get in the way of a good holiday season. By essentially admitting that his "China is paying the tariffs" statements are full of crap, he finally put some clarity in this entire situation
See China isn't paying for the tariffs, American businesses are and American consumers will soon but he's just been counting on all of you being too dumb to realize that
But at least today, the administration admitted that they've been either lying or too ignorant to understand the way tariffs work. If they wanted
to punish the Chinese, they'd add an import duty paid for by the Chinese in place but having been to
China very often, this would be as likely as me being able to pick up that slippery snail with my round chopsticks

Take on the two trashiest men in America

I'm never shocked when I see that a certain celebrity is a Trump fan. There are obviously tons of ones in the closet (think Tiger Woods and A-Rod) but the vocal ones are always so obvious. They are usually trashy white slobs whose fifteen minutes expired a decade ago. People like Stephen Baldwin, Kid Rock and Ted Nugent are such obvious candidates but nobody screams MAGA more than John Daly.
Today they played golf together and they decided to post a photo which must have been designed to be one of those "spot the difference" things

As I saw on Twitter, Trump looks like a bloated corpse, his teeth look wasteline has gotten bigger by the week, his skin is pasty and his stupid red hat makes him look like a bigger foot than he is. Daly standing next to him is fatter, blonder but every bit as trashy with his flag shorts and Assassin sneakers

Take on the shady Epstein suicide

When Ben Sasse is in the right side of an issue, you know you've hit some crazy deranged Alta tribe universe. There is nobody who doesn't believe that the Epstein suicide was anything other than fully planned and endorsed by some pretty powerful men. There is no way that the cell that held El Chapo a couple of weeks ago now all of a sudden has blind spots. I don't think there was foul play per se but instead a consensus to look the other way and let Epstein end it and in turn protect some powerful people.
Bill Barr will likely conclude that there was no wrong doing mostly because he ordered the guards to stand down long enough for Epstein to hang himself.

Let's just hope the NYC DA office got everything they could out of him before this..and that includes nailing Trump by his nuts to the wall

Take on The Mooch

I've always held a soft spot for the Mooch, maybe it was his 11 days of infamy, his potty mouth or because he just looks like he'd wear Timberlands to a wedding to give himself another 2 inches but something about him always made me smile

Well today he finally took the gloves off and went after Trump and Trump immediately punched back. The Mooch claims to have insight on the Trump White House, even if he was there for a shorter period of time than an exterminator but he seems to understand what makes old Don tick and we're hoping he starts to go after his old boss in George Conway fashion.

Imagine if the hero of the Trump downfall actually was Mooch?? It would be a made for TV movie nobody would believe.

Take on Trump’s hard working claim

Trump got butt hurt today when he caught Bill Maher's show while channel surfing in his hotel room while eating potato chips and banana cream pie in his tidy whities while Melania was getting massaged by the pool boy

In his tweet knocking Maher, he decided to try to defend his work ethics which is laughable because he literally has more executive time (i.e. him watching TV in his undies) than any president in recent memory. He has spent about a quarter of his days in office playing golf.

I think his definition of "working" is the most laughable because he probably counts complaining about Bill Maher as work.

Take on the monster

Why the hell is wrong with Trump? Yesterday we questioned why he posed smiling with his thumb up with a poor kid who was shot in Dayton in a non-related event to the mass shooting. Today another, even more grotesque, photo served with Trump and Melanie posing with the two month old orphan like they were posing for a campaign event. Trump in all his orange glory, soaking up the press with his miserable smile and thump sticking way up and Melania smiling like she just got an offer to do another nude photo shoot.
This is our president, a man who can't fake empathy or sympathy for even a minute.

God I hate this man with all the vigor in my soul

Take on the photo-op President.

Trump went to Dayton and apparently found a random unrelated injured girl to the mass shooting and forced her to take some ridiculous photo op. How this imbecile can take a photo smiling with his stupid thumbs up thing while consoling a victim of violence is beyond even the other subhuman behavior he exhibits.
The sad thing is that this girl was obviously not at that bar at 1am being that she's 10 BUT she was another victim of gun violence. If that doesn't tell you enough, I'm not sure what will.

Take on the tone deaf photo op

Trump's people posted a bunch of photos of him rejoicing with the hospital staff where a lot of the victims of this weekend's mass shooting in Dayton were sent out.
Dan @scavino45 tweeted out these photos which looks more like a happy college reunion than a somber moment and thought this would make the criticism of Trump go away. These people are so far removed from the challenges, the fears, the pains that our country goes through and when they post images like this it shows how tone-deaf they really are

Just once I'd like to see Trump go into a hospital and put his head down and come back out quiet and somber. Instead he always comes out ready to bully anybody in his way

He's somehow a worse human than he's a president and that's saying something

Take on Trump’s weird Toledo comment

Trump loves to knock Obama about playing too much golf, vacationing too often, being to easy on our adversaries and for reading off a TelePrompTer.
The funny thing is that like most thing Trump critiques somebody else for, it's just an admission of his own guilt. Trump screwed up when he referred to the shooting in "Toledo" during his speech yesterday and everybody just assumes he didn't know how to read. I think we all make mistakes but the fact that a tragedy doesn't register in his head as something which deserves his attention, shows his utter lack of empathy.

Today, I would be fearful if I lived in Toledo today as it could be misconstrued as a call to arms for some psychopath.

Take on dirty Mitch

#russianMitch McConnell broke his arm in what I can only imagine was an accident while trying to trample the hopes and dreams of people desperately wanting healthcare.
He then sent out a photo of him sitting in one of the ugliest shirts I've ever seen. It's like Pipi Longstocking Met old man. He's got three different colors, a half dozen different patterns and he looks like a drunk hornball. The other thing I noticed was how crappy a house he has, I guess being Senate Majority Leader doesn't pay....although he did mysteriously increase his assists by $25million over the last decade or so

Enjoy beating off with your other bad, dickface

Take on the golf club wedding drop j.

In the wake of another white terrorist and on the eve of another one, Trump and his golf club and crashed a wedding to take some selfies

This is our president, he cannot even out the golf clubs away for a weekend, even in the face of a terrible tragedy. How awful a person is this who doesn't address his nation but instead adds his stupid smile to some dimwhit's wedding album

Take on the next mass shooting

Another day, another mass shooting and before there was second to think about it, I knew it was a some 20 some white guy with a white nationalist vibe.

What should we do I ask. If he had been Muslim we'd be calling for a travel ban, if it were a black man it would be how can we police harder, the Mexicans wall would add another foot to it. but with a white man it's nothing but thoughts and prayers. It's time for homeland security to secure our country again a homegrown extremists

We need to protect our country, from ourselves

Take on the sloppy love affair

The last time Fat Trump and Sloppy Steve were in the same stratosphere, it seemed they were going to go to war but so much can change is such little time.   Apparently, Bannon, in all his three shirt glory, has been going on State Television to defend Trump and the boss has been listening and felt it was time to squash their differences.   What was interesting is that Trump referee to Sloppy Steve as his pupil while most would agree that Bannon was the puppet master likely at the direction of his puppet master..old Vladdy. 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on Tulsi “Jill Stein” Gabbard

Tulsi Gabbard went on Tucker tonight and all I can wonder is which of these is a bigger Russian shill? Tucker is the polar opposite of a true journalist and Gabbard is that of a progressive. They are both in their respective fields to try to derail the Democrats and allow for Trump to be re-elected

I know some may think that Gabbard is not a threat as a candidate which might be true in the primary but I could see her becoming the next Jill Stein in the general playing just enough of a nuisance roll to swing the swing state .