Take on Megan McCain’s choice of dress.

I disagree with Megan McCain when it comes to just about everything but nothing makes my blood boil about her more than those horrible Mrs Roper outfits she wears. First of all, she's not a skinny woman, but she tends to wear her hair in such a way that her head looks like one of those balloon animals. She's also has an incredibly high forehead which when she pulls her hair back makes her face look even longer but it's really those floral pattens that makes her look like she got puked on by a bouquet of tulips.

Take on the daredevil

Donald Duck was at it again and this time he outsmarted himself with his his "I had nothing to do with Russia helping me win" thing. But the beauty is that he corrected the tweet to fix a spelling mistake but don't realize that he finally incriminated his campaign.
We all know that the Russian's helped him win, which when you look at the Rust Belt couldn't have been that hard considering he won by less votes than they get on an election for school board.

When I look at Trump I sometimes wonder if he himself has gotten to a point where he's bored and is getting more brazen just to get a thrill

He's like Evil Knievel except instead of crashing his motorcycle into a barrel of hay, Trump wants to crash his motorcycle into our economy

Take on Big Bob

If you aren't smart enough to read between the lines of Mueller's press conference today, you aren't smart enough to read TOR. So please stop

We don't need you

We don't want you

The country is in a crisis and we are at a point where we either decide we care or a point we don't. This is a point in history which will match the Nixon era.

Take on spineless Mitch

In the least surprising move out of 2019 was Mitch the Bitch McConnell reversing his views on an election year Supreme Court appointment now believing that there is no issue in appointing a vacancy and to hell with letting voters decide.

This is actually the correct decision but runs completely counter to the last Merrick Garland scenario but then again, Mitch McConnell is a spineless weasel and his face looks like a melted candle

Take on the idiotic Forbes headline

Forbes needs to be put out to pasture and nothing makes that more obvious than their tone deaf headline asking if America is ready for a woman president. I think you'd only need to look at exhibit #1 which was the 2016 election when Hillary got nearly 4 million more votes than Donald even with the help he received from his buddy Vlad. The majority of the country was ready and Hillary was willing and able but somehow we were deprived of a broken glass ceiling because of the archaic nature of our electoral process.

The other thing that is idiotic about this tweet is the horrible photo of Kamala they posted, it showing her in any kind of stately pose but instead catching her in a kind of photo I have of my aunt on my iPhone. Harris has taken a million photos, I'm sure they could have found one of her standing up and not bending down in some awkward hug...unless you are a publication which has profited from Donald being president.

Anyway, I can save you a click and five minutes of your life

The answer is, yes we are ready and have been for at least 2.5 years.

Take on the Blane’s right lies

When I was growing up there was not better news program than Meet the Press and there was nobody better than Tim Russert. Since his passing the show has steadily gone downhill as the anchors have gotten worse.
Today they had an interview with Sarah Big Huck Sanders which is to say, they gave airtime to a lying weasel who is self congratulatory even in the face of blatant opposition in the form of truth.
I can't understand how this once proud franchise allows for her to use their time to spew her lies and I refuse to watch anything that can best be described as state television.

Time to cut off the entire Trump thing by its roots

Take on the democratic field.

The Washington Post had a blaring headline on an analysis in how each of the 25 democratic presidential candidates could win. Allow me save you (and myself) ten minutes of your life and give you the real analysis. Looking at the 24 or so candidates I figure about 21 of them can't win ever...at anything resembling a national election..or beauty contest

It comes down to less than five candidates who have any hope at all...sorry Bill De Blasio, Amy Kobachar, Starbucks guy and a bunch of others I can't pick out of a lineup

Bernie has no shot, he's gotten crazier by the second and Elizabeth Warrren has take. His thunder. Biden could win if the democrats like the old white guy thing and don't think they need a grassroots type push and are just hoping to play it safe..and he might punch Trump in the mouth which would be cool.

Booker has a chance...at VP. Kamala has a shot as she's the best of the bunch. Warren is incredibly smart and well thought out and has zero chance. Beto is like Coldplay, everybody is over it. Mayor Pete is a great story, a vet, speaks ten languishes and is cool until you get to his preachy weird anti vaccine thing. Kristen Gillibrand should save herself the trouble and the embarrassment and just leave..not drop out but instead just stop campaigning and go back to be a senator and never mention it again..no one else will either. The Castro guy shares a name with an arch nemesis which makes it as likely as a guy named Hussein winning election.

There are a few others on this photo who I don't recognize other than the fact the all look very white and very boring except for the one Asian guy who looks like an absolute lunatic in the photo.

Take on Nadler

The Jerry Nadler fainting video is troublesome and I'm not just talking about the health of the New York congressman. It's troubling because as a guy who has been a thorn in the side of Trump, this will change the narrative and give Trump just the kid of weakness he will grab onto. You can see that De Blasio tries to shake him out of it without causing a scene but it's not enough and he's basically surrounded by EMTs within 30 seconds .

Im starting to think that these fainting spells (Nadler this week, Hillary on the campaign trail) are actually an act of sabotage. Somehow the Russians are slipping a quaalude into the drinks of older Democrats, making them pass out in public. It's likely some highly engineered item with no side effects and is probably just enough juice to keep it short lasting

I'm focusing on a more on the fact that Trump is so jacked up on cocaine and speed that the chances of his ticker giving out has to hover around 200%

Take on the owning the libs President

Poor Donald, anybody who spends most of his time trying to convince them that he's a stable genius is likely not stable or a genius. But like most things Trump, he can never let a slight go unchecked and today was. I different he decided to tweet a video of Nancy Pelosi stammering though a press conference.

Sadly, there are hundreds of ones like this that aren't spliced with Trump at the helm with him using the same five adjectives (tremendous, extraordinary, incredible, horrible, terrible) over and over again like he's one of those wind up dolls. But the irony of going after Pelosi with his own shortcomings is lost on him, as he continues to protect his own inadequacies upon his political enemies which somehow his two pebbles brained followers seem to think is the ultimate "owning the libs" moment.

Take on Michael Avenatti’s fall

who could have guessed that @michaelavenatti wasn't all he portrayed himself to be when this entire Stormy Daniels thing blew open a year ago. At that time he was the savior attorney looking out for the little guy against the tyrant dictator, she was a two bit porn star and Michel Cohen a weird creep. Today she's an intelligent, well thought out heroine and Cohen is almost sympathetic and Avenatti is a Little Trump.

Avenatti hates Donald Trump because he wants to be Donald Trump. He saw how a complete political novice could rise to fame and the highest office in the land and thought to himself....I could do that

Take on Ben Carson

I remember when I first heard about Ben Carson I thought he might be the savior. I mean a black, pediatric neurosurgeon who came out of nowhere just sounded like something this country could use, especially as the Republican Party was barreling directly into the waiting arms of Donald Trump

But that was really his high water mark, it's been all downhill since then and today he confused REO Speedwagon with a cookie, I mean how dumb can you be?? I'm not sure how he became the head of HUD or if he's at all qualified (in fairness I know exactly why he got the job and that he is completely unqualified)

But have fun running an agency designed to help poor people into the ground.

Take on Kris Kobach’s demands

Kris Kobach's conditions for becoming immigration czar sounds like a list of Celine Dion dressing room demands.
He is demanding an office in the West Wing with walk in privileges, a huge pay rank, sizable staff, a private jet on his command and a promise of a DHS secretary by November 1st. I'm shocked he didn't demand a couple of Guatemalan underaged girls for sex slaves, the guy is really a complete lunatic.

First of all, I'm not quite sure if it took him longer to come up with this list or the time he intends to hold the position because November 1st is around the corner. He is literally looking for a job for 5 months.
Secondly, his demands of being with his family seem reasonable but to do that on a private plane sounds a bit absurd. It's not like anybody has any idea who Kris Kobach is, he's got less name recognition than Kris Novoselic and looking at him he looks like just about any other pedophile

Take on Trump’s latest rival

Mayor Pete was interviewed in a town hall by Chris Wallace and Think Skinned Donald didn't like that the State television network was giving any airtime to a potential rival. Give trump credit in that fact that he can smell a good story out of a potential candidate a mile away and wants to squash it immediately. Notice how little energy he gives some of these democratic candidates while focusing so add on other ones. It's the ones that have a compelling story that bothers him. It's not policy nuance or their record but instead it's always on a personality level

Take on Trump’s military

Trump's been pardoning military members accused of war crimes and nobody is surprised. The thing is that all these guys he's pardoning are employees of Erik Prince who's much less cool that his brother Freddy. We're in a time when the corruption has gotten so normal that nobody is shocked at anything he ever does.

Take on Flynn

Poor Trump, facts always seems to get away from the Piglet in Chief and he doesn't seem to ever recognize it as a problem. Michael Flynn -through releases documents- has been found to be exactly the kind of weasel that we suspected but the fact that Trump would easily pardoned him but instead these two guys decided to play a game of
Chicken with our country taking all of us on a ride nobody wants

.

Take on Bolton

Well what the heck did he expect??

Trump is frustrated that Bolton is pushing an unneeded war in the Middle East which is laughable when he hired him himself. John Bolton has yet to meet a conflict he doesn't want to jump right into and anybody with half a brain saw the idea of a confrontation with Iran as not just likely but inevitable once he was brought on

Trump may not have been paying attention. Imagine that

Take on the least interesting man in the world

Every day seems to bring a new contender to the democratic presidential field although the newest "contender" has about as much appeal to the democratic base as a delay on the A train. He has about as much charisma as an underpaid sanitation worker.

Bill De Blasio is lucky to have the job he has, which we admit is one of the most difficult in the country, but if he's going to be in Iowa and South Carolina and New Hampshire that means he won't be in NYC which is the last thing we need. Running for President as a congressman or senator is already a bit shady with the limited time you can spend on your day job but when a governor or other executive runs, it leave an entire state or city without leadership.

Although in de Blasio's case maybe that's a good thing.

Take on the Eric Garner investigation

Five years later, an internal affairs investigation showed that the police officer who choked Eric Garner used an illegal choke...and water is wet. I can't imagine what a a legal choke move would be where the guy dies. This is where these internal affairs investigations always get things wrong, it takes them a half a decade to come to a conclusion that anybody with two eyes (and a copy of the NYPD handbook) would have told them

I'll make it simple. You kill an unarmed minority, chances are you were in the wrong. Let's start with that presumption and work backwards vs going everybody a pass

Take on Trump’s great deal.

Every time Trump threatens China and slaps another round of tariffs on them, he gives a stern warning that they should not retaliate and within hours they alway retaliate, this time to the tune of tariffs slapped on $60billion of imported goods.

This is how Trump seems to negotiate, constantly get beaten down while making no concessions and just having your citizens pay more for products all the while making the goods you export more expensive, too.

So much for these free trade Republicans I grew up loving. These new guys are a bunch of morons.

TKenon the Hamburglar

Sarah "Big Huck" Sanders Sjoerd up today dressed like the Hamburglar in what can only be described as one of the worst decisions a woman her size could make. Vertical stripes looks terrible on just about anybody but when you look like you eat migrant children for breakfast, it's about as dumb a decision you could ever make. I'd feel a bit guilty about fat shaming her if she wasn't such a horrible human whose entire career seems to have been about keeping information from the public while her boss bends and breaks every rule of law -and etiquette- known to man

Anyway, with any luck she will be eating those stripes again real soon while he boss gets a jumpsuit to match his skin tone

Take on Don v Don

Trump proved again today that he has nothing better to do with his time than retweet crazy conspiracy theories and backslaps from the incestual MAGA crowd as he was holed up in his crappy golf club this morning before getting 18 holes in

But his most interesting one was how he did not fire Mueller but was considering firing Don McGahn which is peculiar timing considering McGahn might be forced to testify in front of congress soon. This is the kind of witness influencing that would be criminalized in a court of law but seems like it's just gamesmanship in the world of Trump

Anyway, let's hope McGahn squeals because he knows where the bodies might be buried.

Take on honest and transparent

Sarah Big Huck Sanders wants to be remembered for being transparent and honest which is like me saying that I want to be remembered for being a hall of fame baseball player. I can't quite understand how far he head must be up her gigantic ass for her to be so tone deaf to the entire concept of transparency and honesty. This administration has not just been the least transparent one in recent memory, it isn't even in the same stratosphere.
These guys are making Dick Nixon look like Mother Teresa

Take on the crazy anti vaxxers

This Anti Vaxxer thing continues to take on a life all its own and today was no different. Some random Texas Republican Jonathan Stickland (@repStickland) compared vaccines to sorcery which is scary only in how dumb it is. The guy seems like a complete lunatic online but when you compare it to his headshot in the accompanying photo he looks even worse. I'm not quite sure but maybe this guy is the afterlife of a vaccine gone wrong because Strickland might be some weird combination of a bearded clam and a deranged hunchback. His entire head looks like it was coming out of the middle of his torso like some kind of weird muppet. It honestly looks like one of those big head photos that fans wave behind the basket at an NBA game, his head is just grotesque.

Anyway, good luck in your fight for truth justice and sorcery, hope somebody can fix your head thing.

Take on Trump’s faux empire

The story of the day will be about Trump's tremendous reported losses and what it means to his image of a self made billionaire. The NY Times investigated a decade worth of tax reports showing that he reported bigger losses than just about any person the country. This was during the 80s and 90s when everybody was making phenomenal money.

What the headline will show is that Trump is not as rich as he claimed, what it should talk about is that it proves again that he massaged the tax code to his favor putting the burden on the back of the red of the country while he profited.



Here is my prediction...this story will have a shelf life of two days

- mostly because there is nobody who actually believes that Trump is nearly as rich as he claims, he's always come across as a glorified used car salesman. The fact he's a tax cheat has about as much pizzazz as him being a cheater at golf.

- by this time tomorrow, we will likely be in a war with Iran or an escalated trade war with China, so the fact that Trump is a conman will mean nothing


All of these reports and investigations serve a purpose but at the end of the day, they don't accomplish anything. Trump will lash out. (Update he already has) and we will all spend our time trying to parse his tweet all while he destroys one American institution after another.

Take on the Met Gala

You know you should  probably call it a day when you open up twitter and click on the curated Trends  for You section and every single story is about the Met Gala.   

I don't follow a single celebrity and I have never engaged in a single twitter conversation about the Met Gala yet the guys behind the algorithm have figured that the only thing I'm possibly interested in is what Lady Gaga wore last night.   

The sad truth is that I'm sort of interested but I can honestly say that I have absolute no idea what the Met Gala is.   

I'm assuming it's a fundraiser for the Met but why this has become an event that's covered like the Oscars is beyond me.   

I do know that it's basically become Milan West as every celebrity shows up wearing the most ludicrous outfit disguising a lampshade for a dress or a track suit for a tuxedo with the hood

To get into my Trends for You section 

I'm honestly all over all of this already, I've honestly become too old for this 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the golf President

Trump awarded Tiger Woods with the presidential medal of Freedom which is an odd honor for a guy who hasn't exactly had the most stellar off the course life. But then again, I think that any day that Trump is golfing or hanging out with golf buddies, is a day he isn't destroying something, so I guess it's fine

Let's hope he spends the next two years doing nothing but giving out these stupid ribbons and doesn't actually try to do anything else

Take on miserable Trump

Trump had another miserable weekend, likely because he got rained out of golf and decided to lash out at everybody. I woke up to a beautiful world but go to sleep with a President more worried about The Kentucky Derby than with our economy my and the impact of his idiotic tariffs.
I'm not sure who needs to get into his ear but this idea that the Chinese are paying for this tariff is ludicrous, the ones that get bills from CPB are the importers The Chinese have no direct tariff, American businesses and the American public is paying for it

The thing is that if he had laid out his goal, we would know if we were winning or losing this trade war but since this administration has not laid out clearly what the situation is, what are objectives are what our expectations should be, we only know that if there is ever a trade deal, it will be heralded as the greatest of all time, even if it's just a burning bag of dog poop

Thanks Trunp

Take on the Putin divide.

Trump and Putin spoke by phone and although we don't believe there has been an official call out, we do know that Trump says they had a good conversation and things are going well. That's like trusting the chicken to tell you the hen house is well protected as the wolf is chomping down on chicken thighs and wings

Anyway, in his recap Trump said that Putin sort of smiles when mention of the Mueller report happened. Interesting phenomena considering it was a phone call and not presumable a FaceTime or Skype session but then again taking Trump at his word has always been something that is more than a bit tricky

Anyway, we're all eagerly awaiting meeting our new Communist overlords

Take on Larry Kudlow

The White House posted this totally bizarre Larry Kudlow video making him look like some accountant who spent $10k to go to adult pro wrestling camp. I have no idea what he said since I saw it with the volume off but I'm sure he spit all over the camera with his rotting teeth because he just has that gingivitis look going.

Anyway, he sucks and his video makes him look like a bigger sexual predator than normal, which is pretty impressive

Take on Lindsey’s bizarre transformation

Lindsey Graham's transformation is complete. He went from fierce centrist looking to get things done to Trump lackey who desperately hopes to win the affection of his new master.

Today he tried to emulate Trump with an attack on Joe Biden which was just bizarre. He called him Middle Class Joe Biden which I guess is an insult?? The GOP claims to stand for the working people which you'd think would include the middle class but somehow this has become an insult.

Anyway, hope you like the taste of Trump's taint, Lindsey. You will be remembers in history not as John McCain's wingman but instead as Donald Trump's fluffer.

Take on Barr’s testimony

Bill Barr's testimony was everything you'd expect. The overweight weasel squirmed when confronted with questions about his role, his knowledge and his work on the Mueller report and was left completely eviscerated by the brilliant Kamala Harris. The one major takeaway is that Barr is compromised and his four page summary was likely dictated to him by El Trumpo himself


But more importantly, that dude needs to stops wearing such tight suits, he walks around like somebody shoved his balls up his five hole