Take on the X

The large X on top of the old Twitter headquarters was forced to come down after it had become a the living breathing Seinfeld episode. Neighbors bitched that it flashed all night and city planners and neighborhood landmark advocacy groups said it didn't pass historical merit. Whatever the reason, any chance to force Musk to abide by the same standards as anybody else is good news

Take on the campaign

When your legal fees eclipse your fundraising, maybe it's time to call it quits in your presidential campaign. I know whoever would suggest this is pissing into the wind here as this entire thing seems like some twisted vanity project for Trump and he'll go Logan Roy on their ass but I'm not sure our republic can take another Trump loss refusal. We also can't take another Trump victory so we're really kind of screwed unless somebody can jump on that grenade

Take on the automated message

Nothing, and I mean nothing, has been a bigger microcosm of the decline in civilization than the automated message. I don't know when the grand decision was made to cut out any human contact but considering we think that AI is around the corner, the fact we cannot have a system that can actually understands human voice is shocking. There truly is no worse moment in my day when I'm trying to get to representative in the vortex of one of these.

Take on the age limit

The NFL won't allow you to play if you are 16, you can't have a beer till you are 21, you can't be president till you are 35 but somehow you can be 110 and serve in the senate. There is no reason Diane Feinstein or Chuck Grassley or any of these old bags are still running our country. Your elected leadership should mirror the demographics of their constituents. But we get nothing but old white rich roaches.

Get them all out.

Take on the Boss

Springsteen will be rocking MetLife in a few weeks but there has never been a better definition of Boss than Trump. We saw as part of the latest legal troubles that one of his employees was told that "the boss" wanted a server deleted. We've been saying for years that Trump is more John Gotti than John Adams and the idea that his GOP base follows him without any pause shatters any hope we will see any stability on the political front in my lifetime.

Take on Mitch McConnell freezing up

It's time for Mitch McConnell to step down, the man is a complete mess who brushes his teeth with they toilet brush, pees in a garbage can searches for his socks for an hour in the sock drawer. Actually who the hell knows but he is a horrible person who looks like a turtle and needs to get the hell out of Washington and let somebody who actually cares about this country take over. Hopefully that can happen with a senate overhaul but I'm not hopeful since the republic base loves the obstructionism of this sack of jello

Take on X part II

When Elon announced his desire to burn $44B to the ground, the world was intrigued in the same way it's intriguing to watch guy burning car off the side of a toad crashed into a tree on the Merritt Parkway.

Although the shine had already come off of his armor by the time he was venturing into his Twitter purchase, he was obviously passionate about something which when it happens with him could lead to greatness or could lead to broken promises.

Twitter has been a dumpster fire since with it bleeding money as advertisers leave but nothing is more odd than this stupid rebranding. Mostly because if you are the richest man in the world, why the hell would you do this and then go with that lame X logo. He sent a message to his minions to come up with a cool logo and all that they came up with was this stupid thing.

X

Take on cocaine sharks.

Apparently a bunch of drug lords dumped some blow off the coast of Florida and we are going to be dealing with a bunch of coked up sharks biting the living crap out of a bunch of toddlers. You gotta think that we are getting to the end of the world as we know it when we have states that have 110 degree weather for like a month straight, have biblical down pours which would make Noah blush and crazy red skies, viruses that kill millions and a chance that the Jets don't actually suck. Now add to that cocaine sharks and I am calling for the credits.

Take on X

How do you burn $44B to the ground in less than a year?? Ask Elon. Today he announced he'd change the branding for his fledgling social media company by first getting rid of that blue bird and said he'd replace it with an X.

He also redirected x.com to go directly to Twitter and in other news threw a few stacks of hundred dollar bills into his bonfire.
I won't go back to either website but good luck to them and hope the fire keeps you warm

Take on the newest wordle fight

The GOP spends all of it's energy fighting culture wars it starts itself. One day it's Sesame Street, then it's M&M's and now it's Barbie because, gasp, they want to be stuck in the 1980s. I wasn't planning on watching Barbie because I am not at all interested but now that there is this conservative uproar, I will go and take my family and order a couple of large cokes and a giant bag of popcorn.
Thanks jackass.

Take on the reboot

The much anticipated Ronnie vs Donnie battle seems to be losing steam as DeSantis proves over and over again that he's a horrible national candidate. I am not sure what the long term plan is but the fact they are working in a reboot, seems like a bad omen. Maybe at this point, their best move might be to sort of fade into the background.

Take on the defector

I am sure we will spend the next decade debating how much we should give up to get back the US military defector who walked across the demilitarized zone into the waiting arms of that chubby Korean dude with a really bad haircut. I don't know the full story but do know that a dude who willingly crosses that border, is not somebody in dying to give up a lot to get back…especially considering his criminal record while an active military man
So good riddance, hope you enjoy the starvation, forced haircuts and lack of YouPorn

Take on the white button down.

Every morning I make what is basically a life of death decision. It's one of those decisions that haunts me the rest of the day and I honestly can't ever seem to win. Nothing feels better than a crisp white shirt on a summer day when NYC is 100 degrees, yeah I'm not at the pool in Cano but if I'm going to have to schlep into Port Authority at 7:30am, I may as well look good. Well the decision to put on a white shirt is made with one thought….Am I planning on having Italian food.

Well today I avoided Italian food but as I walked to my desk I stumbled and now I have half a Pike Place Roast all over my shirt.

Take on Taco Tuesday

New Jersey gets a bad rap from everybody. It's consistently at the top (or bottom) of the list of least desirable states for people to live in, we have crazy high taxes and our state mascot is a 250 pound 60 year old dude who walks around in a bathrobe.

We also have the unfortunate smell of rotting flesh on the turnpike and our governors are mostly a national joke. But what really gets me is that Taco Bell and some joint named Taco John's had a big battle over the "Taco Tuesday" trademark. It turns out that anybody can now have a taco Tuesday…except those in NJ. What the hell, I love a taco

Take on the Path

In my entire life I've taken the Path train twice. I've spent a fair amount of time at the bars in Hoboken but never while coming out of the city, so low and behold my amazement when I get to that station on 33rd street is 120 degrees and then find out that service is suspended. There hasn't been a meaningful update in like 30 minutes and the announcements sound like garbled noise. I consider getting an Uber but that seem idiotic considering I'm…going…to…Hoboken

Anyway, it's been 20 minutes and it's only starting smell more like jersey trash down here. Might need a plan B

Take on the daily biblical thunderstorms

I hat the hell is going on with our climate? It seems that every single day we have a crazy thunderstorm at about 7am which basically threatens to wipe out our entire city. And if that one isn't bad enough there is another one around 7pm which might be worse. The good news is that during the twelve hours between these two massive daily storms, the air feels like you are walking through a butternut squash soup and smells like moldy socks.

This is awful

Take on RFK jr

For the last couple of years we've heard QAnon crazies tell us that JFK Jr was coming back and would be making an appearance at one random event or another. Those nut bags have always been a bit out there but maybe they had some kind of crazy intuition and like Nostradamus just had one letter wrong because RFK jr is definitely on the short list of crazies now in the GOP stratosphere.

Take on the Prius trunk

Every time I see one of those Toyota Prius from a few years ago, it looks to me that Andre the Giant punched the back of the trunk. I'm not sure why this was a good design as it doesn't seem aerodynamic but more than anything it always just looks like it's gotten rear ended.

Take on the Turning Point Brady Bunch opening

The Turning Point Action Committee is coming to West Palm Beach and the minion is a whose who of miserable people. They obviously like to put their main draws up top which is why you get Trump and Tucker and Charlie Kirk

But you have to imagine that Three Toes can't be happy that they are relegated to the bottom sharing a tic-tac-toe row with the absolute bottom of the barrel of conservative losers including that chubby pillow guy and a bunch of other people who I think are like the photos that come in a frame when you buy it at Home Goods.

Take on the Threads Spam


I've been on Threads for about a week and although it feels odd to root for Zuckerberg when the foe is Musk, it's sort of easy. I want Threads to work mostly for selfish reasons, mainly in that I loved Twitter but as Musk took control, the entire place turned into a complete unregulated cesspool. Now we are left with a burning sack of dog poo on one had and a completely cluster on the other. Threads isn't ready for the big time, it's functionality is barebones and the fact they can't even run these threads based on a time stamp means you are basically in a "for you" Twitter lite hellhole.

The other thing is that it's already inundated this stupid spam offering $5000 for some DM, if they don't get that out of control the good will it's built will mean nothing as it loses its luster

Take on the bad words coming from Biden

Apparently Biden has a potty mouth. Not shocking since he has built a political career out of being the blue collar guy from Wilmington by way of Scranton. I'm never that concerned about colorful language especially for somebody in a high pressure situation, Clinton was notoriously foul mouthed. What I will say is that Biden should embrace this, tie it to his Dark Brandon alter ego and make himself look slightly less folksy

Take on the Republican block to keep the marines from new leadership

Who would have guessed putting a kooky old coach into the Senate could lead to bad things. Tommy Tuberville has been blocking the confirmation of leadership for the Marines on the back of some asinine reasoning. This, we are reminded often, is the party which claims to support the military when in fact they use the military like a prop (see that stupid walk from White House) or use it as a pawn in their own political games. How they continue to get support from anybody, let alone from those serving is beyond me

Take on Huck vs Suck

The Elon vs Zuck fight thing is incredibly my uninteresting mostly because there are no hero's in this thing. Elon is probably worse but Zuckerberg gaa dine more damage for privacy than anybody. We know that the Threads thing is a much refer outlet and the fact it's gotten Elon's panties in a bunch is great but nobody can truly believe that we are all going to be happy with Threads when it starts harvesting our data.
But if the two spend an hour kicking each other in the balls, I'd watch

Take on the hold your breath thing

In a world of participation trophy's and training wheels for adults, I can't be shocked when I saw a no breath holding contest sign at a pool. I'm. It sure where this trend is going but if it follows the not eating an hour before swimming hoax, I'm going to scream

Take on the cocaine ties to Biden

The cocaine drop in the White House has been all the rage the last few days and it doesn't seem like we have any more clarity than we did earlier. So far it's been a lot of speculation and not a lot of answers although I can't say I've paid much attention to any of it. When the only thing we see is stories about Hunter, it's not crazy to me that this is where people's initial thoughts went but probably not something that has much validity. I know nothing about coke but figure that people won't typically just leave it around so I'm going with a plant to make Biden look bad.

Take on Threads

It's been 24 hours and Threads has already surpassed 30 million subscribers. I have no idea if this thing will work but anybody who can scare the life out of Elon is OK in my book. What I do feel of are all the platforms which have been trying to take the crown but obviously had nowhere near the resources that Zuck showed up with are now all sitting in the kiddie pool bathing in each other's urine.
I'm happy for two things.
- although in no Zuck fan, getting away from Twitter will be a cleansing of the soul
- we may actually see this Zuck vs Musk battle royal.

Take on Ron Juan DeSantis

Ron Juan DeSantis can't get a break. About a year ago, there was this weird appeal to him for taking on everyone but lately he's just more pathetic by the day. If it's the stupid thigh high boots or the wife dressed like a Barbie, he can't seem to get out of his own way and when he decided to match in a downpour at some local 4th of July parade, he ended up in a wet tshirt contest and let me tell you…we all lost

Take on some whacked out pricing

I walked into some ridiculously popular pastry place today in Soho, in one of those places where people literally stand in a line outside in the pouring rain just so they can get a cronut. It takes 10 minutes to get inside and another 15 to get to the part where you can actually see this items and as I'm staring aimlessly waiting to order when I look at the "macarons" which sort of throws me off but within seconds I'm hyperventilating. I'm not expecting a college degree from my baker but…come on man!!

Take on the flying car

It might be a few years late but we finally have a flying car. I'm not sure who can actually afford the $300,000 price tag and wonder where these things will actually fly. It looks to me more like a personal airplane in practice than a flying car but who knows. I'm just glad I made it to the future. I'm assuming a inter galactic war is about to break out.

Take on the Biden less race

The chances of a DeSantis vs Kennedy race is slim. It the idea would like having to choose between getting kicked in the nuts and getting kneed in the nuts. But the truth is that Biden's age is starting really scare me. I think he can win right now but we are going to have a long and bruising campaign ahead and we know one thing..when the democrats uses a Kennedy to primary a sitting president, it's not a good sign. I don't know who they have behind him but Kamala would be an awful candidate and those lame governors are all morons.

Take on Elon’s new model

It seems that Elon has tried everything to break Twitter and maybe he has. He has tried to scare people away with allowing hate speech and often amplifying it. He has turned away content creators with his $8 fee and now he's gong to limit what everybody can see and limit us to 1000 tweets a day. I get the idea of trying to find ways to get people onto the paid platform (see cable TV and all of the streaming platforms) but it's sad that it comes when it's becoming apparent the world's richest man can't afford the cloud space any longer