Take on Aaron

Nobody has gotten more mileage out of attending one hockey game than Aaron Rodgers did this weekend. I get the idea of the new guy in town wanting to be seen at one of the biggest sporting events going on and this his publicists were smart for doing it but nobody could have imagined how much he'd get out of it. It's like the entire city had a simultaneous orgasm, with every social media channel with wall to wall coverage of him singing the goal song

Take our boring Ronnie

Ron DeSantis has been touring Europe and finding out he's even less liked there that he is here. We get that this is the king of trip he needs in order to appear presidential but when you need lifts in your shoes and a teleprompter to make a joke, maybe it's time to try something else l

Take on the Trump high

FoxNews' latest poll shows that although a bunch of republicans want to quit Trump, they just can't. He's like heroin for these people, knowing he's toxic but they can't get off the high he brings them, even if it's less fun each time. It's like the entire country goes through withdrawal when we aren't constantly bombarded with his antics

Take on Mike Pence’s weird face

There has always been this weird thing about Mike Pence and I'm not talking about his weird unnatural oedipus obsession with his wife. His face has this unnatural look to it, it's like his eyes are too far set back, his chin to far forward and his head too round.

I look at him and he looks like a deranged weirdly religious Cabbage Patch Kid

Take on Tucker’s Little Tucker

FoxNews moving on with it Tucker is a story which is still to be told but I'm sure that there is some pretty nasty skeletons in that closet for them to part ways with their highest rated host. What I find particularly interesting is how the FoxNews audience ever embraced this guy, he's the furthers thing from the tough pickup driving, beer drinking alpha dog they all think they are. He's a chubby spoiled rich kid whose voice sounds like a castrated donkey and most of the time he sounds whiny and whimpy

Take on the Sitcom neighbor

I've been trying to figure out what Ronny is and have finally come up with it. He's not a headline star, he's not even a n important supporting character. Ron DeSantis is the sitcom neighbor.

We know Ron DeSantis is a complete weirdo and there is no doubt that the longer he is testing the waters, the more dirt that Trump will release but most of Ron's issues are unforced errors like his denial about being a candidate. It's not that the denial wasn't expected, it was the fact he looked like a complete unserious loon while doing it and it it's reminiscent of him in those stupid waders. It's like he's there for 30 seconds of yuks.

And like a sitcom neighbor, getting him in short spurts is sort of entertaining but the GOP is quickly learning that you can't base an entire series around him.

Take on Tucker

Tucker was fired today in what anybody would have to categorize as shocking. Not just that they'd part ways with their cash cow so abruptly but that it came with no warning or leaks. The running theory is that this has to do with either Tucker running as Trump's VP which may happen but wasn't the reason for the firing or it has to do with the the Dominion case which I don't believe either as that would have meant the drunk judge would be standing on a street corner begging for change too.

What this is related to is the fact that Tucker is getting sued in another unrelated case and I'm sure there are other cases waiting in the wings.

Either that or Rupert was sick of Tucker two faces.

The one where he looks severely constipated or the one where he looks like he just got over severe constipation

Take on celebrity cruises

I've never had any desire to go on a floating Petri dish before Covid but afterwards the idea of being sardined with 2000 people for a week sounded downright dreadful. Although I've never done it, I'd imagine it's like getting stuck in Groundhog Day with only The Olive Garden and it's patrons to keep you company. As if that wasn't bad enough now I hear that Celebrity Cruises stored a dead body in the freezer next to the gelato and endless ice cream.

Yeah, no thanks

Take on the blue twitter mark

Apparently a whole lot of celebrities, dead or alive, have been granted free Twitter Blue which is interesting as they had this already and Elon said they should pay him to post on the website.

What's great about the story is how this entire thing turned 180 in like a week. And still Elon has. I thing to show for it

Take on Big Chris

I'm not sure how many times Big Chris needs to be rejected but he seems to be a glutton for punishment. The big man is going after the presidency again by trying to out Trump, Trump which will work as well as Ron DeSantis's lame attempt It's time to realize that we will have Trump as the presumptive GOP nominee for the next decade.

Take on the creepy pillow guy

Another week, another pillow thing. Mike Lindell has an amazing track record of not being able to back up any of his statements but some computer nerd took Big Mike up on his challenge to prove him wrong and did.

Turns out that Lindell offered $5 million to anybody who could prove his election fraud claims wrong at some event and this dude - who is a Trump supporter- took him up on the offer and won.

Glad to know all those donations his booger eating fans give him will be going to a good place.

Take on the post Covid commute

The only thing about Covid was that it made the commute to NYC somewhat less miserable but fast forward three years and I now spend 2:15 per day commuting again and that is on a good day. On a bad day it's 3 hours plus as every l body seems to be heads back to the city. The traffic on the highways, in the tunnels and over the bridges is all awful and having to deal with it makes me somehow miss Covid

Take on Netflix winding down its DVD business after 25 years

I was shocked when I read the news that Netflix was planning on winding down its DVD business after 25 years. Nothing better defines 2023 movie watching than waiting a week for a DVD to arrive, popping it into your Sony player on Friday night with your family, dog and a big bag of popcorn. I'm wondering if their VHS business will go next or if they are still battling it out with Betamax

Take on he sold guy who shot Ralph Yari

The fact that it's even front page news that the nut bag who shot Ralph Yari will be charged with a felony is embarrassing. We are the only country where there seems to be a growing sentiment amongst a significant portion of the population that shooting another human is somehow justifiable if he dares step on your stoop. Nothing has been more detrimental to the fall of our civilization that Stand Your Ground and it's gotten worse as these wackos have gotten more emboldened. You just know this wacko will be heralded by the right and likely be made a primd time speaker at the GOP convention

Take on the out of court settlement

FoxNews will settle their dispute with Dominion tomorrow which will likely include a massive payout but we know that at the end of the day, that won't change anything. What we wanted was a -very public- trial with big headlines showing Rupert throwing Tucker and Sean in front of a gigantic 18 wheeler. We wanted to chow the fraud plain as day but sadly I'm sure everything will be settled without any acknowledgment of wrong doing

But we won't get that satisfaction and only Doninion will become rich

Take on Bud Lite

Went to a school event last night and walked up to the open bar and ordered a beer. Problem was they didn't have an IPA and basically offered a Yankee stadium bleacher set of options. I really don't drink anything like this anymore but opted for a Bud Lite is solidarity with the LBQT community.

Issue was that I spent a night drinking horse piss

Take on Pence

When Mike Pence gets booed at an NRA event in Indiana, you know the world is upside down. I'm sure Pence gets a perfect rating from the NRA wince he's a heartless faux Christian but since Trump pulled away, Pence is now considered a bigger booger eater by the total Trump
Sycophants

Screw this loser

Take on the leaks

The FBI arrested a 21 year old Massachusetts Air National guardsman on the Pentagon leak case    Obviously this kind of national security breach warrants this type of high profile arrests even if Anonymous or Ed Snowden will defend them

Of course we will likely also have all the GOP crazies out defending him, the same ones who would be calling for the death penalty if the arrest had happened under a Republican president

But explain to me how a 21 year old National guardsman has access to any of this??   This king of leak seemingly would have come from a much higher ranking official 

Sent from my iPhone

Take on the bulge in my pants

I love everything about spring. The new life, the birds chirping, the longer daylight and the nice weather but one thing irritates me to no end. I wear a jacket everyday to work during the fall and winter months which serves a dual purpose. One to keep me from freezing and two for a way to hold all of my stuff since I have keys, a wallet, headphones and a cellphone which all have to make a trip with me to NYC everyday. So now instead of putting it a jacket pocket, I'm shoving it all into my pants like I'm some crazy homeless person shoving the Daily News into my oversized Jets jacket

And no thank you, I'm not looking for a man purse

Take on sitcoms

I saw a graphic the other day which showed the IMBD high and lows of a bunch of popular sitcoms showing that mostly, the longer the last the worse they get

The top rank is the Simpsons which has been around for like 35 years and apparently hasn't been funny for the last 28. I can't say that I've seen a new episode in a few decades and the ones I do remember fondly were the ones after the Don't Have a Cow Man years

A bunch of other ones follow a similar trend and I'm happy to report that most of these Third Rock types shows are ones I've never seen. It's amazing how badly rated most of them are but it just reinforces to you that most of America will watch just about anything as long as it's on network TV.

Take on the least funny man in America

Nobody, and I mean noboyd, is less clever when it comes to humor than Elon Musk. I get that Tesla makes a terrific car and SpaceX builds awesome rockets but neither excuse the lameness of Musk. Whether it's the stupid sink thing, the S3XY car names or his stupid obsession with 69 and 420, Musk is like an 8th grade boy trying to impress his friends at the lunch table.
But his decision to paint over the W at Twitter headquarters might take the cake. We all recognize that he's happily destroying the app but at least he wasn't taking a hachet to humor.

Take on Old Exit numbers

Drive through Pennsylvania and every exit has two exit numbers. The normal one that every map, GPS or any person under the age of 70 recognizes and then beneath it, you get the "old exit" number. The new exit number corresponds with the mike marker which makes it really simple while the old exit number probably was used during the horse and buggy days. So today we get both. Like Exit 289 on Route 80 is also Old Exit 67 or whatever This is insanity, it's not that complicate and it is not as if these new exit numbers came about last year, they've had them for decades and nobody has the guts to pull the bandaid off and get rid of these atrocities.
Time to live in the now people.

Take on Bud Lite

A bunch of country music stars I've never heard of decided to join Kari Lake by boycotting Bud Light because they dared to try to include trans people in their marketing campaign.
What insults me wasn't Kid Rock shooting a bunch off cans with his assault weapon but that fact that anybody drinks this horse piss to begin with. I've had my share of Lite beer and the closest equivalent to the flavor of a Bud Lite would be if you urinated through your stained tighty witties and threw it in a cooler
Not sure how much the gay community really embraces this thing to begin with.

Take on a tradition unlike any other

The Masters is a great American sporting event even if Augusta itself has a pretty dark (and thus very American) past. I was hoping to see Tiger roar or Phil do something fun but the real highlight was that gigantic tree falling right on 17. When you are standing in the gallery right along these pros driving, I'd be scared to take a Titleist to the face or maybe an errand thrown 3 iron but never would I fear a tree landing on my beach chair.

Anyway, good luck tomorrow. Maybe time to move this event up to the first weekend in May.

Take on shady Clarence

Finding out that Clarence Thomas is completely corrupt is the least shocking thing I heard today but having unearthed his personal concierge service at a bunch of private resorts here and abroad was a bit much. Thomas hasn't disclosed any of the vacations he's received when he was gifted trips using private jets and private yachts yo get to private islands all paid for some some uber wealthy GQP donor.
What I'm most intrigued about is some weird private all male trip he's go on to some Luxurious hideway to a private all men's retreat which sounds a lot like a conservative judge needing to soak his wild oats…with a local cabana boy.

Just imagine this was Kagen going on jaunrs to the French Riviera on George Soro's dime. The GQP would have her head.

Take on RFK Jr

RFK Jr. decided to run for president which is a prospect nobody is looking forward to. Not only is he a total antivax loon, he's about as unqualified as it gets. We don't know what it will mean for a primary but i'm assuming this is the first of many fringe candidates who will try to flank Biden from either the far left or from the far wackier left.

Take on Jill Biden's stupid comment

Jill Biden's intent was probably good but her execution was awful. We all watched Iowa play one of best tournaments we have seen but come up short to a better LSU team which happens. What Jill doesn't understand is that this is sport. You can only have one winner and everybody else -at the end of the season- is not. We can pretend it's about sportsmanship or sisterhood but that actually removes the essence of sport. This is a participation trophy which is not what the Iowa players deserve. They deserve to come back next year, more hungry than ever to dethrone the champs not feel content having had some shrimp cocktail over at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Take on obsession

This entire decade is going to feel like nothing but a complete Trump love fest. I get that tomorrow is a big day for our country but to spend the entire weekend warming up for it like it's the ESPN pregame the day of the Super Bowl is a bit much for me.

They have seemingly covered his every move, every single moment from every single day like they are hyenas hoping to see a wounded antelope. It's like they cannot go 10 minutes of airtime without a live camera shot from West Palm Beach.

I don't need more Chris Berman, I don't want to hear again from Adam Shefter. Just give me the game.

Take on Trump’s court appearance.

This is going to be some week in NYC. As if moving around it hasn't been terrible enough, we have a week of crazies protesting outside of the courthouse, the DA's office, Trump tower and Flashdancers. I'm sure it won't be as bad as we're being told it terms of violence or mayhem but it will disrupt my ability to get to work and that alone wkkk piss me off

Take on Sean.

Hannity found out Trump was being indicted and decided to go full in on….Hillary. We are at this point in the movie where all these guys know how to do is regurgitate their own shows from five years ago and hope nobody notices. I wonder if they just replayed it, if there would be anybody who would even are even if they did notice .