Take on the saddest man in America

I feel bad for Tucker Carlson.

I feel bad for him because he always looks so constipated. He spends the entire interview looking like he has to poop and somehow never able to get it out

I feel bad for him because as a kid named Tucker he must have been teamster endlessly

I feel bad for him because when he shows up at the pearly gates, there is no chance he gets in because St Peter will have been able to see though his faux outrage

I feel bad for him because he looks like he has no friends at all